Afraid of falling in love with you
by IluvTheChipmunks
Summary: When Brittany was a little girl, Miss Miller would always tell her 'Dont be afraid to fall in love' but Brittany believes that love is nothing. But over the years, Brittany realizes that she may be falling for the boy she has known all her life. AxB
1. The words that changed her forever

**Here's my newest story guys! This story has more of an emotional feel to it, I guess. Books like 'A Walk to Remember' and 'Dear John' and 'The Last Song' (All by the same author) has inspired me to write this story. Those books made me cry, but in a good way. So I'm gonna try to write a ****poignant** and touching story of my own. It probably won't be as good as the books that inspired me, but I'll try! And of course, it's an AxB story, so I hope you all will like it :) 

**Thanks guys, and please review! I can't wait to read your thoughts on this story!**

**The entire story is told in Brittany's point of view.**

* * *

When I was a little girl, Miss Miller would always tell me to not be afraid to fall in love one day when I grow up. Sounds weird, huh? But no. That's what I thought at first, but I was wrong. Those words have stuck to me for as long as I can remember. To fall in love. Hmm, sounds like every little girl's dream, huh? To meet her prince, and to ride off into the sunset on a white horse. Yeah, while most little girls would dream about that, mine was different. But it's been years since Miss Miller said those words to me. But I still take these words to heart. Those words have got me to where I am now. And let me tell you, it may not be what you think. It could be, but who knows?

I didn't realize how much it could affect my life until I truly set out for reality. That one day, changed who I was forever. The realization didn't come at first, but let me tell you, it changed my views on everything. But here's my story of how I was afraid to fall in love. It all started, 10 years ago...

**April 1995**

I was in grade 4. I was 9 years old. It was a slightly cold Spring afternoon when I came home from school that day. I was sitting at the table, eating a snack, when my mother, Miss Miller came up to me. I looked at her, and she looked at me with a smile. I was confused. I looked away, wanting to finish eating my vanilla pudding but before I knew it, she pulled out a chair and sat beside me.

"Britt, honey?" She said.

I looked at her. "Yeah?"

I could tell Miss Miller looked uncomfortable. Her nose would slightly twitch and she would make really awkward eye contact towards you if she was nervous. "May I speak to you?"

I wanted to say 'Well, does it look like I have a choice?' but I nodded and said, "Okay. What about?"

Miss Miller smiled at me. "Well, not a lot. But I think it's important. You'll listen carefully, right?"

I had no idea where she was going with this. I nodded. "I will."

Miss Miller took a deep sigh. "Well, Britt. You're my daughter, and I love you. You're such a smart girl. I can't believe you're growing up so fast."

Fast? Is she telling me that I look old? Or that I'm mature for my age? Wait, I don't even have a clue what she's talking about. "Um, thank you?"

"I can't wait for you and your sisters to go to college because I know you guys will do extremely well. I am just so proud of the 3 of you." Said Miss Miller.

Yet, she's only talking to me.

"But you're getting to the age where I need to talk to you about certain things." Said Miss Miller.

I raised my eyebrows in confusion. Getting to the age? What age? I was 9 years old for crying out loud! And if I was getting to the 'age', whatever she was talking about, why weren't my sisters here? They're the same age as me. I mean, we're triplets. We were born on the same day! But I just nodded my head again and said, "What things, Miss Miller?"

Miss Miller sighed and shifted her chair so she was facing me. I looked as uncomfortable as she did, but I didn't know why. Miss Miller looked at me for a couple seconds. "Brittany, you know I'm not gonna be around to protect you forever. In a few years, you're gonna manage your own life and your own job and if you really wanted one, a family."

I stared at her. The only words running through my head were 'I want to finish eating my pudding' and 'What the heck is she talking about?'

Miss Miller continued. "Now, I'm saying these things to you right now because you're still young. And I think it's good to talk to you about these things at a young age because you'll take it, and know about it until you've grown up. You'll understand. Because if I wait, and talk to you about this when you're about 14 or 15 years old, I'm guessing you won't really care or understand." Miss Miller shook her head. "Teenagers these days."

I remained quiet.

"I know this will sound weird, but I just want you to understand. Because I know these things will come in very good use when you grow up." Said Miss Miller.

To be honest, I was getting a bit impatient. "Miss Miller, what are you talking about?

Miss Miller went on. "I want you to have a good life, Britt. I want you to take care of yourself when you've grown up. And I want you to take these things I'm saying to you to heart, alright?"

I just nodded.

Miss Miller sighed. "Gosh, I don't know how to put this." She pondered for a couple seconds.

I gotta tell you, I was feeling really weird about myself. I just wanted to say 'Just spit it out, lady!' But I didn't. It wasn't very respectful, or however Eleanor and Jeanette would call it.

"Okay, first of all, I know you're too young to be thinking about...relationships, but I need to tell you this now before you get to the age where you can do anything you want, and me, not having the power to control you. I may be your mother, but as I said, I won't be around forever." Said Miss Miller.

Gosh, this is depressing.

"One day, when you meet a boy that you like, take the chance. If he's the right one for you, and if you're the right one for him, don't let that chance slip away. There are only so many boys in the world, but only one that is perfect for you. There is a boy out there perfect for everyone. But one of the keys to having a good life, is a good relationship." Said Miss Miller.

I raised my eyebrows. So, this was coming from a lady who isn't married. Hmm, interesting.

Miss Miller continued in a soft voice. "So, Brittany. Just don't be afraid to fall in love."

My mouth hung open. The only words running through my mind were EW EW EW. "Miss Miller!" I gasped, actually surprised at myself for spazzing, almost knocking my pudding on the floor.

Miss Miller sighed. "I know, I know. I should of waited another few years to tell you, but I just couldn't. I know you're too young to understand, but when you grow up, you're gonna set into reality and realize what is right for you."

I shook my head. "Miss Miller, I-I know what I want to do when I grow up." I don't want to fall in love when I get older. All I want to do is go to college, and have a good life where I can take after myself. But did Miss Miller understand? No!

Miss Miller nodded. "I know, and I'm so proud. But in 10 years, you'll be off to college. I won't be there to look after you or Jeanette, or Eleanor. You three have to handle your own lives, and I want you to handle it right."

"The right way?" I asked, full of disbelief. Did she not trust me or something? "Miss Miller, I know what I want to do." I said, more sternly.

"And I'm just saying, Britt, that when you fall in love, make sure he's the right guy for you." Said Miss Miller.

I felt like pulling my hair from its roots. WHAT BOY? AND WHEN I FALL IN LOVE? THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN. "No, Miss Miller." Was all I could say.

"I know its hard to take it, honey. But you never know what could happen." Said Miss Miller.

Can she not hear what she's saying? Exactly my point. You never know what could happen. But who cares about that, because I know I don't. I didn't know what Miss Miller was trying to get to, but she thought she was doing the right thing for me. "Fall in love with who?" I asked, annoyed with the world right now.

Miss Miller shrugged. "Whoever is right for you."

I wanted to roll my eyes. "There is no one right for me, and I am not right for anyone." I muttered.

"What about Alvin?" She asked.

I gasped. THAT'S IT. THAT WAS THE LAST STRAW. Did she just say Alvin? As in Alvin Seville? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? God, you have no idea how much I loathe that boy! Okay, yeah, we've known each other since we were 5, but that doesn't mean we're friends! Sure, I'm friends with his brothers, but Alvin himself pisses me off. He loves to tease and annoy me on a daily basis! 3 words. I HATE HIM. _If_ (I'm not saying I am) I fall in love one day, he's the guy I least expected to fall in love with, so NO THANK YOU.

"Alvin? You mean, that boy who lives across the street? The boy I hate?" I asked.

Miss Miller gave me a disapproving look. "Yes, I'm talking about him. The boy who you've known for almost 5 years."

"Ew, Miss Miller, can't you see how much he annoys me? I don't even like him!" I exclaimed.

"I know, but I can see the way you two act around each other." Said Miss Miller.

"Oh, you mean the way we want to kill each other all the time?" I asked, sarcastically.

Miss Miller sighed. "You know, whenever a boy annoys a girl, it actually mean he likes her."

My mouth dropped open. That was _so_ not true. You should see the way Alvin and I fight at school. In words, he hates me, and I hate him. And it will always stay that way. If Alvin liked me, I would know. But ew, gross. What was Miss Miller saying? Alvin doesn't like me, and I sure as hell don't like him.

"WHAT? I'D RATHER DIE!" I exclaimed.

Miss Miller held her hands up for defence. "I'm sorry, it was was just a suggestion." I could see she found if amusing.

What a stupid suggestion. Just feed me to bears and sharks! Just don't ever put me and _him_ together. I sighed out loud and crossed my arms. "What are you suggeting? That me and Alvin will grow up and fall in..." Ugh, I didn't dare finish that sentence.

Miss Miller laughed. "I wasn't serious, honey! Relax."

I pouted. "It's not funny."

Miss Miller laughed again.

I sighed. Just the thought of us actually spending 5 minutes with each other without yelling and screaming was pretty impossible. You don't even know much we argue, let alone be actual friends! Okay, fine. It's impossible to say that we aren't friends because we've known each other for years, and my sisters are pretty good friends with him and his brothers too, and Miss Miller is friends with their dad, Dave, but still! He's probably the most annyoing kid you will ever meet.

For a 9 year old, he can give you a headache in 5 minutes. 99% of my headaches are caused by him. And I shouldn't even be getting headaches! I'm 9! He's such a flirt too, it's stupid. We're only in grade 4, but every single girl, beside my sisters and I, swoon over him. Jeanette, Eleanor and I know him too well to even think of getting giggly with him. It's gross to look at. I wouldn't be surprised if he dated every single girl in school by the time we're in high school.

But Miss Miller turned serious again. "But all jokes aside, Britt, I hope you will understand what I'm trying to say to you."

I didn't do or say anything.

"Look at me. I'm not married, but I wish I was. I regret not falling in love when I was younger. But I'm getting too old now. It's too late. I don't want that to happen to you or your sisters." Said Miss Miller.

_She's got to be kidding.  
_  
"I want the 3 of you to find the right guy, and for you all to be happy." Said Miss Miller.

"So you're saying that you're not happy?" I asked quietly.

"Oh, Brittany! I am happy, I have you and your sisters. But what I'm saying is that I don't want you 3 growing up like me. Single for the rest of her life." Said Miss Miller. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"

I nodded. Yeah, I did understand. But my life is different. I'm gonna graduate with good grades and follow my dreams. No offence to Miss Miller, but I know I'm not gonna be job less, staying at home 24 hours a day like her. I know I'm gonna follow my heart, and live a good life. That's my one and only goal.

"When the time comes, you will realize that life may not be easy as you think. You need someone there to help you and be with you." Miss Miller continued. "I just hope you will take these words until you grow up, and follow what your heart tells you to do."

I remained as I was.

"But just remember what I said. Don't be afraid to fall in love. It might just be the best thing that will ever happen to you." Miss Miller said quietly.

I looked at her in a weird way, keeping my mouth shut. I had no idea what she just said. But the only words that stuck in my head were 'Don't be afraid to fall in love'

That night, I laid awake in bed. Ever since this afternoon when Miss Miller had that brief talk with me, I couldn't stop thinking about it. What was she talking about? Okay, I understand why she wanted to talk to me about it when I was still young, but really. But I'm not that type of girl who wants to fall in love. No way. What I want to do when I grow up is to go to college, graduate, get a good job, and stay with that job the rest of my life.

Fall in love? As if.

I appreciate Miss Miller talking to me and all that but I really don't give a flying hoot about falling in love. First of all, I'm 9 years old. Second of all, I don't like any boys right now, and I never will, ESPECIALLY NOT ALVIN. And third, I know Miss Miller is wrong. She said that one of the keys to having a good life is a good relationship. Yeah, I highly doubt it.

I wasn't sure if Miss Miller was being serious or not, but I just let it go. It didn't matter to me. Surely Miss Miller thought she was doing a good thing by talking about boys, and relationships to me, a 9 year old little girl. That stuff doesn't matter to me, and it never will. But I just pretended to be interested in what she was talking about. She told me that once I fall in love, I have to make sure that I'm ready. I mean, what the heck is that suppose to mean?

But don't be afraid to fall in love. Okay, first, ew. Second, no way. And third, why would I be afraid?

Afraid of what? Falling in love? What's so scary about that? Obviously, Miss Miller had a meaning to what she said, but I couldn't care less. Was she telling me I _had_ to fall in love? I know she's my mom and all, and I respect her with all my heart, but once I'm grown up, she can't control the choices I make in life. She said so herself!

I don't need to fall in love to be happy.

I'm not that typical little girl who wants to grow up, fall in love with her dream boy, get married in a castle, while wearing a long and flowy white wedding gown, complete with pearls and diamonds while little earthland creatures trottle by your side. When you come to think of it, it's just plain frightening.

I want to grow up, graduate from college, and live my own life. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less. In the TV shows I watch, boys are just annoying things that get in the way. I've learned a couple of things while watching TV, and I learned to live my own way. Yeah, maybe there may be some boys out there who aren't like the boys I see on TV shows, but that doesn't matter to me. It doesn't matter at all.

But when Miss Miller mentioned Alvin...

The probabilty of us getting together in the future is 1 trillion to 1. In other words, never. He's just a friend that I fight with everyday, a boy that I highly despise. Sure, we may grow up to be friends when we're in high school and college, but that's it. Just friends. I know him well enough to not get caught in his drama. I mean, if I liked him, I would get all nervous and stuff around him, like every other girl in school. But no. Whenever I see him, I feel like ripping his head off. Enough said.

Why did she mention Alvin? Out of all the boys in my class, why Alvin? Was it because we had so much in common, or because we've known each other for years? Was it because she had a feeling something will happen between the two of us in the future? I don't know, but what I do know is this. Alvin and I will never fall in love.

So, why did Miss Miller talk to me about falling in love? Being afraid to fall in love? I don't know, but one thing's for sure...

When I was 9 years old, I thought Miss Miller's words were nonsense, but boy, did she prove me wrong. Through the upcoming years, I realized that I was wrong, and she was right. Everything Miss Miller has said to me that day is still locked in my heart. I still believe in those words, to this very day. And she was right. I did realize the truth of reality. I realized the truth of everthing.

Yes, I did follow my heart, but not in the way you think.

_"Don't be afraid to fall in love."_

Those words have changed my life forever.


	2. 10 years later

It's been 10 years since Miss Miller said those words to me. I was 9 years old back then, now I am 18, turning 19 in a few months. But as I said before, those words have stuck to me like glue. "Don't be afraid to fall in love." Hm, I use to think that was garbage, but in the years that are coming, I proved myself wrong. But in the mean time, this is the story of how I realized that 7 simple words can cause a heart filled life of truth, and how it got me to who I am today.

**September 2005**

I couldn't believe I made it.

It was September of 2005. What made it so special? It was the year my sisters and I were finally off to college. I couldn't believe high school was over. It was bitter sweet. I was sad to leave my old memories behind, but I was definitely glad to start fresh, and handle my own life. I could tell that my sisters were pretty excited too. But Miss Miller, well, that was a different story...

"Ugh, Miss Miller..." I said, trying to get out of her tight hug. "Too...tight..."

Miss Miller let go of me, and looked at me in the eyes. She had her handkerchief in her hand. She used it to wipe her tears. "I'm sorry, sweetie." She turned to the 3 of us. Eleanor and Jeanette had their suitcases with them. "I just can't believe today is the day! I can't believe my little girls are off to college."

I sighed, but then I heard Eleanor say, "Awww, mom!" She said, dropping her bags and running over to hug Miss Miller. Jeanette did the same. They were always the sweet ones. Me? Well, I suppose I could be sweet sometimes...I do admit, I may have a temper problem sometimes.

I smiled, but I was just so focused about starting my new life. We were outside the parking lot of the college. I looked around. My heart skipped a beat everytime I looked around the giant campus. I instantly fell in love. The tall buildings, the huge stone signs, the people, the professers, the choices...everything. I could see lots of people that were in my situation. First time here, but already super excited about attending college.

Jeanette was taking her degree for chemistry. She loved science ever since, well, forever. I'm sure Jeanette will be wonderful at whatever she does. Eleanor is taking a degree in culinary studies. My first thoughts were, 'well, of course'. Eleanor loves food. She loves eating it, making it, and finding new recipies. I'm sure Eleanor will do great at that too. I'm so proud of my sisters.

Me? Well, a few months ago, I was thinking about taking a degree in journalism. I love writing, but after a long debate, I went with my first choice. I'm taking a degree in arts, mainly fashion. Yeah, I know it seems pointless, but it's not. Someday, I want to travel to Paris or New York and start my own fashion line. I want to be a fashion designer after college. I want it to be as big as Chanel, or Dior. I know it's gonna take a long time if those dreams will come true, but hey. It's worth it.

When my two sisters let go of Miss Miller, who was still dabbing at her eyes, she said, "Now girls, before I leave, I have a few rules."

I wanted to groan out loud. What part of 'handling my own life, and making my own choices' doesn't she understand? "Miss Miller..." I muttered.

She looked at me. "Rules, Brittany." She said, and I sighed and nodded. She turned back to the 3 of us. "I will never forget my college years. The best four years of my life."

Great. Is she gonna tell us a story now?

"You girls will leave this place with an open heart, and open mind, knowing what you want to do in your life. But before that, you'll need to take care of yourself. You girls have to be careful." Said Miss Miller.

Jeanette nodded. "Of course we will. Don't worry about us."

"No drugs and no alcohol, or any of that stuff, alright?" Miss Miller said. We nodded.

"We would never do that." Said Eleanor. If any of my sisters started doing drugs, I'd get so furious at them, I'd call Miss Miller and force her to take them home. Yes, I know I can be a snob at times, but I'm pretty protective over my sisters.

"And watch out for certain kinds of people. Don't give into peer pressure, no matter what anyone says." Said Miss Miller. "You girls can promise me that, right?"

"Promise." Said Jeanette.

"But I know you girls can watch out for yourselves. And I know you're teenagers, and I can't stop you girls from going to parties and going out with your friends. But don't stay up too late when you go to parties or clubs or anything. You'll regret it in the morning when you're late for class. Believe me, I had my days." Miss Miller said.

We all laughed at that. I had to admit, picturing Miss Miller as a teenager at a party was pretty hilarious. But we nodded. Parties and hanging out and getting high were NOT in my plans, or in my sisters plans, throughout college.

"And remember, your life depends on this. Be on time for your classes, make sure your assignments are on time, and make sure you're ready for the future. Give it your all. Follow your dreams. And if you are successful here, your dreams will come true." Said Miss Miller.

Oh god, when she said that, I felt tears rise. It hit me. This was the start of _my _life. It's now my responsibility to take charge and follow my heart. I wasn't the little Brittany Miller, who liked to play with her dolls, and dress up in fancy dress up clothes. I was the grown up Brittany Miller. The girl who was gonna live her life to the fullest. And college was just another step to fufilling my dreams. I promised myself not to get emotional, but it was hard not to. I walked up to Miss Miller, and wrapped my arms around her. "I'm gonna miss you, mom." I said.

I felt her hug me back. "Oh, I'm gonna miss you too, Britt." Then I suddenly felt two more pairs of arms around me. Jeanette and Eleanor joined into the group hug too. After 30 seconds or so, we all pulled away. Miss Miller was crying again. She took a deep breath, and looked at her watch. "Whew, well, I have to get going. Promise me that you'll call me whenever you need my help or anything. And promise to write to me during the holidays."

We all smiled and nodded. "We promise, Miss Miller." Said Eleanor.

"And I promise to send you each something on your birthday." Said Miss Miller, and we smiled at that. We were turning 19 soon. "I can't believe I'm gonna be all alone for the next four years, while you girls are here in college."

"We'll visit you every summer." Said Jeanette.

Miss Miller each gave us a kiss on the cheek before heading back to the car. She was still teary eyed as she waved, drove off. I sighed. Our home was 5 hours away from here. I'm gonna miss her. I'm not gonna be able to see her until the end of the school year. But then it hit me. I am here. This is my new home. The start of my new life. Starting, this very moment. I felt so uneasy, I thought I was gonna be sick.

"Britt?" Said Jeanette, pulling on my arm. "Come on, let's go."

I looked around, people were beginning to go into the campus. "Oh." I said. I picked up my 2 suitcases, and 3 large bags, and we started to make our way into the building. The moment we stepped foot in the building, I instantly felt like a new person. The hallways were huge, and there were stairwells every where and there were doors to classrooms everywhere you turned. This is gonna be my new home. I looked up, and a large stone sign was propped onto the wall that had the words _'The sky isn't the limit. Reach beyond your dreams' _engraved in it.

We were told to walk into the multi purpose room, and oh my god, that was probably the largest multi purpose room ever! Have you ever been inside a skating rink? Yeah, well imagine that, but just a slightly bit bigger. My sisters and I took our seats. We looked around us. There were over 300 people here. They were new as well. These are the people we will be sharing this place with, sharing our dorms, classrooms, cafeterias and so much more, with for the next few years. I spotted most of the people in my high school graduating class in the crowd. They looked as nervous as my sisters. Me? I wasn't nervous at all.

Once the assembly began, it turned dead quiet. We got introduced to each professer and what they teach. Then the head teacher guy (He's called a Dean, but I prefer calling him the 'Principal'.) gave us an hour long speech on everything there is to know here. Like to have goals and ambitions, and to trust yourself, and your peers. Basically, everything you should know about your first year in college. Once that was over, we all had to line up to get the info we need this year, like the location to our dorm rooms, the key to our dorm room, our time table, and a whole stack load of papers we had to read before next week, when the actual classes began.

I met up with my friends, the people I graduated high school with, and we all gave each other a hug, discussing how boring our summer was, and how freaking nervous we are to start college. Once that was over, my sisters and I decided to go find our room. I was so glad Eleanor, Jeanette and I were in the same dorm. If we were separated, then that would suck. But in 5 seconds, we were lost. Thank god they gave us a map.

"Hmm, room A215. Where is that?" Jeanette muttered to herself as we walked through the hallways, the map right up in her face. She almost bumped into the wall several times.

"You guys, we're lost!" Exclaimed Eleanor.

I looked around. We weren't the only ones who were lost. There were people all around us, holding their luggage, with the map in front of their face too. "We're not lost, Elle. We're just..."

"Lost?" Said Eleanor.

I rolled my eyes. "We're gonna find the room. This is our first time here. But we'll get use to it."

But 15 minutes later, we were still lost.

"Jeanette..." I groaned. "Where are we?"

Jeanette's finger traced the map. She was muttering stuff to herself. "Hmm, I believe we're in the right hallway." She pointed to the doors we were passing by. "Look, they all start with A2-something. We just need to find our room. A215."

Finally, after 10 minutes, we found our room. A215. I squealed in delight. Eleanor pulled out her key and twisted it in the door handle. I felt like crying when it opened. We stepped inside and gasped. There are no words to explain how I was feeling. It was beautiful. We had a mini flat screen, a mini kitchen, a mini fridge, couches, and a gorgeous view of the middle of the campus. The fabric on the furniture had that retro look to it. In words, our dorm room was perfect. It was like having your own apartment. We all began to act like 5 year old little girls who just got a pony for Christmas. But this was even better.

"Oh my gosh!" I said, dropping my bags to check every inch out. "This place is amazing!"

"Can you believe it?" Said Jeanette. "Ooh, lava lamps!" Jeanette pointed to the side counter, where 3 different lava lamps were.

"Oh my god. The mini fridge comes with food!" Squealed Eleanor, as she opened the mini fridge.

"Wow. They really outdid themselves with this place." I said, extremely excited.

Eleanor, Jeanette and I put our stuff on the ground, admiring our new place. It was way better than I expected. I couldn't believe this was my house! My new dorm room! Then suddenly, unexpectedly, we heard a click from one of the bedroom doors. We turned around and out walked a girl, around our age. She had freakishly bleach blonde hair and blue eyes. Oh god. I bet she was one of those typical girly girl blondes. But who the hell was she? The girl smiled and waved. "Oh my gosh! Hi! You must be my 3 roommates!"

God, even her voice was exactly as I expected. Sweet, high and innocent sounding. Disgusting. Revolting.

Jeanette, Eleanor and I looked at each other, then back at the girl. "Roommates?" Eleanor asked.

The girl nodded. "Yeah! Didn't you know? 4 people in each dorm!" She said.

Wait, I didn't know we had a fourth member of our room.

"Did you just arrive? Sorry, I was waiting to see who would come through those doors, but it was taking really long, so I decided to unpack my stuff." She said.

"Er, that's alright. We got...lost." Said Jeanette.

"Oh no! Well, I'm glad you found your way here." She said, giving us that fake beauty pageant smile. She pointed behind her. "These are our 2 bedrooms. There are 2 beds in each. I hope you don't mind, but I already chose my bed, and put my stuff in here." She said, pointing to the door on the left.

"Oh, that's fine." Said Eleanor. "Um, I'm Eleanor, by the way."

"I'm Jeanette." Said Jeanette.

The girl smiled again. "I'm Victoria, but you can just call me Tori, or whatever. Nice to meet you." She said. Then she turned to me. "Hi there! I'm Victoria. And you are?"

Honestly, I wasn't so psyched about sharing my room with a stranger, but whatever. I don't have a choice. "Brittany." I said.

"We're sisters." Said Eleanor.

Victoria smiled. "Nice to meet you all!" Then she eyed my luggage. "Wow, that's a lot of stuff you got there!"

Jeanette and Eleanor knew how much I hate it when people say I bring a lot of stuff. It annoys me like crazy. So, just when I was about to explode with anger, Jeanette said, "Um, so, Victoria. Wanna help us move in?"

Victoria turned to her and smiled. God, I hate her already. "I'd love to!"

Victoria helped Jeanette and Eleanor move their stuff close to the room. She wanted to help me out but I just said 'No thanks'. Like Victoria said, there were two bedrooms, with two beds in it. To my absolute horror, Jeanette and Eleanor moved into the bedroom on the right. And guess who I have to share a room with for the rest of the year? Yeah, that's right. Miss smiling-makes- the-world-a-better-place! College wasn't starting out so good. When Victoria was in my sisters room, helping them out, I decided to unpack myself. But a minute later, Victoria came into our room. Ugh, I hate saying 'our' room.

"Hi, Brittany! Need help?" She asked, in that high and girly voice of hers.

I shook my head. "No thanks." I said, looking over to her side of the room. It was all pink, and fluffy, and glittery. In words, she was that typical preppy girl you see in high school. And to make it worse, she was nice! Like, disgustingly nice. I had a feeling she was fake, but I also had a feeling she wasn't. The scent of vanilla and cinnamon filled the room. It burned in my nose. It was as if she dumped the whole bottle on the carpet.

"Oh, well, call me if you need help." She said, but I said nothing. I was on the ground, folding my shirts when she came to sit beside me. "Brittany, I know we just met and all, but I'd like to get to know you better. We are roomates, after all. And I know you may not like the idea of sharing a room with me, I'm sorry. But I know we'll be great friends."

I stared at her. How did she know I didn't like sharing a room with her? "Wait, how-"

"Don't worry, Jeanette and Eleanor told me." Said Victoria. I wanted to attack my sisters. They knew me too well. Then Victoria got up and said "Well, I'm gonna go around campus and find my classes. Wanna join me?" She asked.

To tell you the truth, I wanted to. I didn't want to get lost when classes actually start, but I shook my head. "Maybe later." I said.

She smiled and shrugged. "Okay, then. I hope I'll get to know you and your sisters later. Maybe at dinner?" She asked, but I said nothing. I heard her sigh then said, "Well, see you later, then." She said, waving. I heard her go into my sisters room to tell them she'll be back later, then I heard her walk out the door.

Jeanette and Eleanor walked into my room and sat down beside me. I looked up and groaned. "That girl creeps me out."

"Tori? I like her. She's nice." Said Eleanor.

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, so we're calling her by her nickname now?"

"Britt, be nice. She's nice to us. We're gonna be living with her for the rest of the year. Just get to know her." Said Jeanette.

I sighed out loud. "Whatever. I'll try, okay?" I lied. "Now, if you don't mind, I need to unpack." I said, continuing to fold my clothes. "You guys should unpack too if you want to find where our classes are later on. It's gonna be a busy week."

"Okay, fine. We'll be in our room if you need help." Said Jeanette, and she and Eleanor left to go into their room.

I sighed to myself. I shouldn't stress myself out. This is my first day at college, my first day at the future. I have to make the best of it. I want to remember this day. The moment I first walk through the doors of my classroom. I shouldn't let anything get in the way. Maybe my sisters are right. Maybe I can be friends with Victoria. She's not that bad at all. Just a slightly bit annoying, but she's alright.

I reached into my suitcase to sort out my tank tops, but then I suddenly felt a piece of paper. I felt around. It was an envelope. Confused, I pulled it out. I looked at it, and I realized it was from Miss Miller. I took the letter from the envelope, and laid it on the floor. This is what the letter said :

_Dear Brittany_

_Well, I know you're probably sick of hearing this but I can't believe you're grown up. I'm gonna miss you. It's gonna be hard not seeing my three girls around the house for a year, and the years after that. I remember when you and your sisters were little. Jeanette and Eleanor always dreamed of becoming fairies and princesses, but you had an even bigger dream. To become what you want, and live a good life. And I'm just so proud that you can finally acheive that goal. I trust you with all my heart that you will take good care of yourself and your sisters. Promise me that you'll make this year one to remember. And stay on top of everything. This is your future, Britt. Not mine, it's yours. I know you will make the right decisions._

_Promise me that you'll call me every now and then. I'm gonna miss you. You may be growing up, but you'll always be my little girl, the girl who wasn't afraid to do anything. Just think, in a few years, you'll be off, doing whatever you always wanted to do._

_But Brittany, this part is important. I don't know if you remember, but when you were 9, I told you not to be afraid to fall in love. And I still stand by those words. You're an adult now, and there's a chance that you will fall in love with someone over your life in college. I just want you to make sure he's the right one for you, and take that chance. I know you will do whatever it takes to reach your goal, but love is another thing. It is as powerful as you can imagine. It might be the best thing that will ever happen. Don't be afraid to fall in love._

_Anyways, I can't wait to see where life takes you. Take care._

_Love, Miss Miller._

I sat there, sitting on the floor, specifically looking at one sentence. I read it over and over again. Don't be afraid to fall in love. I remember the day Miss Miller told me those words, 10 years ago. I remember it as if she just told me it when she was driving off earlier. I never forgot those words, and I know I never will. I was 9 years old back then. I didn't understand. Everything Miss Miller said was cemented in me. But I didn't realize that til later...

Then suddenly, I heard a knock on our dorm room's door. I stepped outside my room, hearing the knock again.

Eleanor peered out her bedroom door, carrying a bundle of her clothes. "Who can that be?"

"Is it Victoria?" I asked.

Eleanor shook her head. "She has the key to our dorm room."

"Maybe she got locked out." I said, kinda liking the idea.

Eleanor rolled her eyes, then I heard the knock again. "Just answer it."

I walked towards the door. Screw this. The door didn't have those tiny peep holes so I couldn't see who was on the other side. I unlocked the door and opened it wide. I gasped when I saw who was standing there, and without knowing it, I slammed the door shut in their faces. My heart was racing. Not in a good way. In a bad way. The loud 'bang' of the door startled Jeanette and Eleanor because Eleanor dropped her clothes on the floor and I heard Jeanette say 'What was that?'

My heart was still pounding. "What the hell?" I whispered.

They knocked on the door again. God! I just made myself look like a total idiot! There was a knock again, a bit more impatient this time. I groaned, asking why this was happening to me. But I took a deep breath and opened the door again to look at them in the face. My face blushed in embarrassment.

"Great way to greet us, Britt." Said the first boy. His brown eyes gave me a taunting look.

I didn't dare to answer back.

I looked at them. It was Simon, Theodore...and Alvin.

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**Hope you guys liked the chapter! :)**

**Ooh, suspense D: Want me to hurry up and update? Then please review! Thankyouu!**


	3. Her inner heartbreak

**Thanks for the fast reviewing guys :) You guys are so awesome ! Reminder : The whole story is in Brittany's point of view.**

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"Wh-wh-what-" I stuttered, failing at finding the right words. "Oh my gosh, what are you guys doing here?"

Yes. That was my question. What were they doing here? Not that I wasn't excited to see them, but I didn't know they were coming to _this_ college! I thought Dave was sending them off to a University! I was so confused a the moment. I can't really explain it, but you guys could tell how I was feeling. I was extremely surprised to see them. And when I say 'surprised', I mean dumbfounded. Extremely dumbfounded.

"Don't pretend to be shocked, Brittany. I know you're happy to see me." Said Alvin, smiling at me.

I rolled my eyes at him. "_You_? Ha, don't make me laugh." I said bitterly.

Alvin put his hand to his heart. "Ouch, that hurts, Britt. That really hurts."

I rolled my eyes again and broke gazes with him. I've known him for almost 15 years now, yet, he still gets on my nerves. You may think that I have found a way to ignore Alvin. But no. He always has new ways of getting on my nerves. And it amuses him. Sometimes, I just wanna whack that stupid smile off his face. Some things never change.

I looked at his brothers, Simon and Theodore, and smiled. "Theodore, Simon. It's great to see _you _guys." I said, getting a hug from the two of them.

"It's great to see you too, Britt." Said Simon, as I pulled away from the embrace to hug Theodore.

"But what are you guys doing here?" I asked, still wanting an answer. What were they doing here, and why? At the end of our high school year, Alvin told my sisters and I that he and his brothers were going off to a University, one that was 3 hours away from here. Maybe they're just visiting. But why?

"Uh, we'll explain in a moment. Long story." Said Theodore. When I pulled away, Alvin stepped in front of them, and reached his arms out towards me.

I raised my eyebrows. "What do you want?"

"Don't I get a hug too?" He asked, teasingly.

I had the urge to smile. It was one of the things I hated about him. He can make me smile, even at times when I don't want to smile. But I kept a straight face by biting my tongue. I shook my head. "Nope." I answered plainly. But before I knew it, Alvin wrapped his arms around me and picked me off the floor. I screamed. "AHH! You idiot! Put me down!" I felt Alvin's body shake lightly as he laughed. He set me on my feet again, and smirked. I glared at him and said, "Wipe that grin off your face, Seville."

He chuckled. "Aw, Britt. We've known each other for 15 years now. You should get use to the way I tick you off."

I rolled my eyes. He was right. He has his ways of getting on my nerves. He knows way too much. I've spent 15 years of my life growing up with him, but he can still find new ways of annoying me. He was like an annoying bug bite that you can't get rid of. It's unbelievable in a stupid way. I really shouldn't let him do this to me, but for some odd reason, I can't. I've grown up with him teasing me and pissing me off. It's just a part of our rivalry, I guess. But before I could argue back...

"Brittany? Who're you talking to?" Said Jeanette's voice behind me.

I turned around and Eleanor and Jeanette walked out of their bedroom. It only took them half a second before they saw the faces I was talking to.

"OHMYGOSH! Theodore!" Exclaimed Eleanor as she ran up to us, almost knocking me backwards to give Theodore and hug. She pulled away and looked at all three of them. "Simon, Alvin! Oh my god, it's so great to see you guys!"

"It's great to see you too, Elle." Said Theodore.

"I can't believe you guys are here!" Squealed Jeanette as she hugged Simon. She pulled away to look at the three of them. "But what are you guys doing here?

"Wanna let us in so we can explain?" Asked Simon, smiling.

Ugh. Great. I didn't have a problem with letting Theodore and Simon in, but with Alvin...one word : Trouble. The boys have been over to our home (Like, our home _home_) countless of times. And Alvin would always find a way to get in trouble. Like this one time in my room, when we were about 6, he knocked down my doll collection. I cried, of course. Dave came over and yelled at him. I found it pretty amusing. But that was the last time I ever left my bedroom door unlocked when they came over.

"Of course. Come in!" Said Jeanette, as she and Eleanor stepped out of the way to let them in. Simon and Theodore walked inside. I stood there, with my hands crossed over my chest, looking at Alvin, who was staring back at me.

"Well, go inside." I said.

He raised his eyebrows and smiled. "Ladies first."

I rolled my eyes. Well, if he says so. I took a step back inside my dorm and closed the door in his face, leaving him outside the hallway. I smiled to myself, then it disappeared when I heard the door open behind me. I rolled my eyes.

Alvin laughed. "Nice attempt at trying to lock me out, Britt."

I shot him a bad look. "I wasn't trying to, stupid."

We both walked into the living room, where the rest of our siblings were. I sat as far away as I could from Alvin. I've seen him for what? 5 minutes now? And he's already stressing me out. But I decided to let that go. I told myself that this is the first day of college. The first step to the future. And I'm not gonna let some annoying boy I've known for 15 years get in the way of that. This is all about me.

"Well, this is a surprise! What are you guys doing here?" Asked Eleanor.

"What? You girls think you're the only ones that graduated high school?" Asked Alvin. "We go here too."

Eleanor and Jeanette's mouths hung open. Even I gasped out loud. "Whoa whoa whoa, slow down." I said. "You _go _here? To this college?"

Alvin nodded. "Yup."

"But-but-but-" I shut my mouth before I could stutter anymore. I looked at Simon and Theodore. "But I thought you guys were going to that other university! That's what you guys told us at the end of the school year before grad!"

Before anyone of them could answer, Alvin said, "Nah. It was a joke."

"WHAT?" I exclaimed. I glared at Simon and Theodore, who looked guilty.

"We told you it was a long story." Said Theodore, nervously.

Alvin groaned and said, "I'll explain, then. We were just kidding about going to that other place. We wanted to surprise you three on the first day of college, which is today. Jeez. Don't freak out, Britt."

I wanted to attack him. "Then what was the point of throwing that goodbye party for you in June?" I asked. Eleanor, Jeanette and I threw a mini 'goodbye' party for the boys at our place because we THOUGHT they were going to University, and we THOUGHT they were gonna move to another place. Now I realized that it was a waste of time.

Alvin shrugged. "It was all part of the plan."

I gaped at him. Then I looked at Simon and Theodore. "And you two went along with it?"

Simon shook his head. "We tried telling Alvin that it was a stupid idea, but you know him. He always finds a way to get what he wants."

I glared at Alvin. He sat there, smiling that stupid 'charming' smile of his. Idiot.

"See Britt?" Said Alvin, noticing my glares. "The 6 of us are inseparable. We've known each other for nearly 15 years, and now, we get to attend college together! Isn't that great?" He was looking at me teasingly.

Great. Just what I needed. 4 more years of Alvin Seville. I mean, come on! I had to deal with this kid for everyday of my life for the past 15 years! And that includes preschool, elementary and high school. Does he have to ruin my college years too? Gosh! What did I do to deserve this? I muttered profanity under my breath, while calling him every bad word in the english language in my head. "So excited. Can't. Wait." I said icily.

"Okaaaay..." Said Eleanor, after a long moment of awkward silence. "This was unexpected."

"How did you find our dorm?" Asked Jeanette.

"We asked the secretary where the Miller sisters were staying. Er, actually, Alvin did." Said Simon.

Eleanor asked, "So when did you guys arrive?"

"Same time as everyone else, of course." Said Theodore. "We arrived here pretty early. Dave wanted us to get things settled."

"Oh, Dave was here? And did he know about that little lie you told us, Alvin?" I asked, looking at him.

Alvin smirked and shook his head. "Nope. He thought that surprise party you girls threw for us was an 'End of high school' party. And it wasn't a lie, Brittany. It was...extending the truth a little bit."

I didn't answer back. I just crossed my legs and folded my arms, looking away from him. That was very normal behavior coming from him. I wasn't mad or anything. Actually, I didn't have a reason to be mad. Even though we have this rivalry between us, Alvin is still my friend. But when you know someone like Alvin, you have a tendency to get mad at every little thing once he opens his mouth, or does something stupid.

"Did you guys move into your dorm room yet?" Asked Jeanette, trying to change the subject.

"Yup. Our dorm room is just 3 doors down from here." Said Simon.

"And speaking of dorms..." Said Alvin, looking around. "You girls have a pretty nice place. Way better than ours, at least."

"Why?" Asked Eleanor.

"I find ours cramped." Said Alvin.

"They're all the same size, smartass." I muttered, but no one heard me.

"So I'm guessing you guys are sharing your room with one other person? Since, you know, there's 4 people per dorm?" Asked Jeanette.

Simon nodded. "Yeah. His name is Anthony. He's a pretty nice guy, but-"

"He's like a clone of Simon, but 10 times worse. If you thought Simon was a nerd, then Anthony would be a robot!" Said Alvin. Eleanor and Jeanette giggled at that.

"Yeah, but Alvin's sharing a room with him." Simon told us.

"Shut up. It's yours and Theo's fault. You two called dibs before I even stepped foot in our dorm!" Snapped Alvin. "Now I'm gonna be living with _two_ nerds for a whole year!"

Simon sighed and rolled his eyes.

"What about you girls? Who's living with you?" Asked Theodore.

"Oh, this girl named Victoria. She's really nice." Said Eleanor.

I wanted to throw up. The image of her bleach blonde hair hurt my eyes and the smell of her sugary sweet purfumed came back to me and it burned my brain cells.

"But Brittany doesn't like her much." Said Jeanette. I looked at her, annoyed. Jeez, they didn't need to know that!

Alvin laughed. "Wow. Not even 24 hours in college, and she already hates someone! Typical, typical."

I wanted to yell the F word at him, but I kept my cool. "Well, imagine living with someone who smells like vanilla, wears pink from head to toe, smiles all the time and has a voice that goes 3 octaves high!"

"Hm, I'm sure Eleanor and Jeanette know what it's like living with someone like that." Said Alvin, grinning.

I looked at him, and stuck up my middle finger. "Jackass."

He laughed. "Just kidding, Britt."

Eleanor jumped in to change the subject before I could cuss anymore. "So, what are you guys taking?"

Of course, your first guess would be right. Theodore was taking his degree in culinary, like Eleanor. And Simon was taking his in biology. Jeanette was taking her degree in chemisty, but whatever. Biology, chemistry - they sound the same to me. And Alvin was taking his in football studies. Well, of course he was. No surprise there. In elementary, he was the fastest runner in our class, and he was the most sportiest out of everyone. And throughout high school, he has been on almost every sport's team, being the captain of the football team for 4 years. And as much as I hate to admit it, Alvin was good. Like, really good. He deserves it.

"So have you girls tried finding where your classes are?" Asked Theodore, pulling out the map of our campus grounds and scanning it over. "Wow, and I thought our high school was big. This place is huge! I'm never gonna be able to find where all my classrooms are in one week."

Eleanor shook her head. "No, not yet. But I think we should tomorrow. Hey, the 6 of us should explore campus tomorrow morning."

Simon nodded his head. "Good idea. We don't wanna get lost again do we, Alvin." He looked over at his brother.

We all laughed, knowing exactly what Simon was talking about. 5 years ago, on the first day of high school when we were 13, Alvin managed to get us all lost in the halls of our high school. He kept telling us that he knew his way around, but guess again. After 5 minutes, we were completely lost. But thank god one of the teachers found us, and led us back to the front of the school, where everyone else was.

But before anyone else could speak, the door behind us clicked. We all turned our heads towards the front door as it opened wide. Then Victoria walked in, making the room smell like candyland again. I swear, I almost became blind when I saw her bleach blonde hair.

She looked up from the map she was looking at and said, "Well, it's really crowded outside. I think everyone's trying to find their classes. So I'm just gonna try tomorrow when the halls are a bit empt-" She stopped when she saw the 3 boys. "Oh, hello there. Who are you?"

"Um, Victoria, these are our friends. Alvin, Simon and Theodore Seville." Said Jeanette, pointing to them as she said their name. Then she looked at the boys. "And this is Victoria, our-"

Victoria smiled her fake beauty pageant smile again. "Their roommate." She said, looking at the boys.

"Nice to meet you." Simon said politely, and Theodore waved.

I looked over at Alvin, and when I saw what I was seeing, I wanted to hit him. He was staring at Victoria as if he was a blind man, seeing light for the very first time. Except Alvin made it look more...well, 'Alvin-ish'. And for some reason, _I didn't like it at all_. And to make it worse, Victoria was looking at him back.

"Hello Victoria." Said Alvin in that voice that made all the other girls melt.

Victoria smiled again, her now-googly eyes were focused on Alvin. "Well, hello there."

And when she said it, my eyes narrowned and I felt some sort of...anger flood my body.

I had enough. I pretended to look at the time on my cell phone and said, "Oh, will you look at that. It's past 5 o'clock." I looked over at Simon and Theodore, trying not to look at the 'other one' while he continued to stare at Victoria. "We need to get settled into our place, so is it okay if you guys leave a bit early?"

Simon nodded. "Of course. We need to get settled into our dorm too. We still haven't unpacked." I smiled in thanks and Simon and Theodore stood up, gave my sisters and I a hug and said a simple goodbye to Victoria. "Uh, Alvin? We're leaving now." Said Simon, snapping Alvin out of his trance. I swear to god, I heard the roommate giggle behind me.

"Right." Said Alvin, standing up. He and his brothers walked to the door. "Well, goodnight ladies." He said in that 'I'm-so-hot' tone of his. He looked over at Victoria and smiled. "It's nice meeting you, Victoria."

'It's nice meeting you Victoria?' _What the hell?_ You've only seen her for like, a minute! So what do you mean by NICE MEETING YOU?

Victoria smiled right at him, showing her pearly white teeth. Gross. I wanted to gag. "Please, call me Tori. And it was nice meeting you too." And when she said it, I had a feeling she was only saying it to Alvin, as if Theodore, Simon, my sisters and I weren't in the room.

I stepped in between them, breaking their stupid gazes from each other and pulled the door open with great force. I just wish it hit Victoria in the face. "Goodnight." I said tensely. Simon and Theodore knew it was time to go, so they walked out, saying goodbye to my sisters one more time. Simon had to pull Alvin's arm to get him to move.

And when Alvin walked out the door, I swear to god, I saw him wink at Victoria.

But why should I care? BECAUSE I DON'T...right?

"Bye. See you guys tomorrow." Said Eleanor, and Jeanette waved while the three boys walked back to their dorm.

I shut the door. Well, it was more like slamming the door, but I didn't care. "I'm gonna go to the washroom." I muttered.

"Oh, okay. Hurry back. I'll help you unpack." Called Victoria.

I wanted to go over there and slap her, telling her I didn't need her stupid help. But I stayed calm and I walked away into the bathroom, locking the door behind me.

I stared at myself in the mirror. My cheeks were red. What was wrong with me? Why am I acting like this? Why is my body hurting with anger? Why is my body heating up with...rage? _Jealously_? I don't know. But what was wrong with me? Why am I feeling like this?

I can't explain with words, but I can tell you this:

The moment I saw Alvin and Victoria lock gazes with each other, I felt so different inside. Like, a new kind of different. One I haven't felt before. It was as if someone just robbed me. As if someone just took a piece of me away, and I wanted it back. It was as if I knew something wasn't right. As if I lost something of mine. As if someone stole it from me. As if I was watching something or _someone_ walk away from me forever.

And I just couldn't allow it.

I felt hurt. For some reason I didn't know, _I felt hurt_.

When I saw Alvin and Victoria lock gazes with each other, I felt something in my body shatter into a million pieces. My heart shattered into a million pieces.

But _why_?

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**Sad, huh? :( **

**But I hope you guys liked it. Review if you want me to hurry up and update :) Thank you guys!**


	4. Realizing something more

**Here's the next chapter! Okay, so some of you guys have told me that I got the idea of Victoria from the show Victorious. Honestly, I had no idea what that was until I googled it. Just because they have the same name, doesn't mean they're the same person! Victoria is a character in THIS story, not a tv show LOL I guess it's just a coincidence!**

**But I hope you'll like this chapter :)**

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I continued to stare at my reflection in the mirror. Millions of questions ran through my head. Who was this girl? Who is this girl that I'm staring at? This isn't me. I don't recognize myself anymore. Why am I suddenly feeling all these feelings wash over me? Who am I now? Why is my heart still thumping with pain? What was going on? What is wrong with me? Why am I feeling like this? Why am I suddenly feeling...heartbroken?

_Heartbroken_?

No, that can't be right. That can't be right at all. I don't know why I suddenly felt hurt when I saw Alvin and Victoria look into each others eyes. I mean, why should I care? I don't even like Alvin! I've known him for 15 years, and I would know if I had a crush on him. But no. He's just a friend. Just a friend...

But the question was, why did I feel my heart break? And why did I feel like I was on the verge of tears?

I've never felt like this before. I felt like something was taken away from me. Like someone stole it. But on the outside, I was fine. It was on the inside where my body ached with this foreign feeling. And it hurts.

I felt like I was stuck in a trainwreck of emotions and feelings. I just couldn't get out of it. It's a horrible undescribable feeling, but I couldn't understand why I was stuck in this mess. But how can I trust myself, if I can't even trust my feelings?

I knew it had something to do with Alvin, but I couldn't understand why. Why was he the reason that I'm suddenly feeling insecure? But I kept telling myself this : _I don't love Alvin Seville._

I've seen these things on TV. A girl, getting her heart ripped into pieces by her boyfriend. But I don't have a boyfriend, and to my personal wanting, I never will. But why was I feeling like that girl? I didn't get my heart broken by a boy. So why is my chest feeling like I just saw someone I love, love someone else?

But what am I talking about? Love? Please, that's the last thing on my mind. And let me tell you this, _I don't love Alvin Seville_.

I stared at my face in the mirror. I could still feel the heat on my cheeks. And I could see it too. It was a rosy shade of pink - a shade that meant anger. But the question was, why am I angry? Why am I angry over something I hardly care about? Alvin and Victoria? Please...

I mean, they said hi to each other, and that's it. They're hardly even friends! But why am I feeling jealous? Jealous over Alvin and the fact that he may have taken a liking for my roommate? No, that can't be right. Like I care. But why...why am I feeling this over that? Why am I feeling..._Unwanted_.

Even I couldn't answer my own questions. I had theories, but I just can't accept them...

When people start feeling like this, it's a sign that they're falling in love. But no. I am not falling in love. I can't. I just _can't_...

I didn't realize I was staring at my reflection for a long time until I heard someone knock on the door, snapping me out of my thoughts. I turned around, and opened the door. Eleanor and Jeanette stood there, looking at me as if they knew something was wrong. As if they knew something was bothering me.

"Britt, what's wrong?" Eleanor asked me. "You've been in there for like, 10 minutes already."

I looked up at the clock. She was right. I have been standing here for 10 minutes already. But in that short moment, I just couldn't get my thoughts together. I couldn't find answers. I looked at them, stuggling to speak. What's happening to me?

Jeanette sighed and pulled me out of the washroom. She stared at me for a few seconds before saying, "Are you okay?"

I waited a few seconds before answering. _Am_ I okay? "What do you mean?" I asked quietly.

"I mean, this! You stormed off into the washroom, looking upset. Britt, we're your sisters, and we know when something's bothering you." Said Jeanette.

I didn't dare answer back. I didn't know how. They were right. What's coming over me? "Nothing's bothering me, okay? I-I'm just...stressed about this whole thing. I mean, look. This is our first day at college. I've waited for this day since forever. And we're finally in college..." I said weakly.

My sisters gave me a look that told me they knew I was lying. I just wish I knew the reason to why I was lying. Why can't I tell them that I'm upset? But why am I upset? I, myself, don't even know.

"Is there anything you'd like to talk to us about?" Eleanor asked gently.

I wanted to say yes, and tell them how confused I am with my emotions, but I couldn't. I wasn't sure with myself yet. "I'm fine." I said.

Jeanette sighed. "Are you sure?"

I looked away, avoiding my sisters stares because I knew they could see right through me. My sisters could read my face like an open book. "I'm sure." I said. And that was all I could say.

Jeanette said, "Brittany, you know you can tell us anything, right?"

I nodded. "I know."

"So if there's anything you want to tell us, we'll be here for you, okay?" Said Jeanette.

I nodded again. "I know. But I promise, there's nothing wrong." I said.

"But you seem bothered by something." Eleanor said.

I shook my head. "I'm fine, really." I said before giving them a weak smile then beginning to walk towards my bedroom. I couldn't bare another minute of that conversation. I just couldn't take it anymore. I felt the hell-like heat return to my body when I found the roommate sitting on her bed, unpacking her belongings, while I tried so hard not to inhale the disgusting scent of her purfume.

"Hi, Brittany!" She said when I walked in. I ignored her and sat on the floor beside my suitcase where I continued to unpack my stuff.

Victoria acted as if I didn't ignore her. "Well, since we're sharing a room, we're gonna be sharing the closet, so I was thinking that you take the right side, and I'll take the left side...that is, if you want the right side. I'm totally okay with you taking whichever side of the closet you want."

I tried to block her voice out of my head. From the corner of my eye, I saw my sisters walk back into their room. Gosh, I wish I could be anywhere but here. "Whatever. I'll take the right side then." I said.

"Okay!" Said Victoria as she moved some of her clothes into her side of the closet. I've grown up, having a closet of my own. And now, I have to share one with a girl I just met hours ago. Wonderful. "Our first year of college will be so much fun!"

I wanted to pull my hair from my head. Can't she see that I don't want to talk to her, or make contact with her in any way? I didn't answer. I just continued unpacking my stuff. On the other hand, Victoria continued to talk and talk and talk. She went on for like, 10 minutes. I pretended to listen to her, but deep down, I didn't give a crap to what she was saying. My own thoughts were still taking over me.

When I saw Alvin and Victoria look at each other, just moments ago, why did it suddenly turn me into this? Why is jealousy, hatred and anger flooding my body? Why did I care about this? Why did I suddenly care about what Alvin did? Because never, in my 15 years of knowing him, have I felt these feelings before - especially around him. _For_ him.

"Brittany." Said Victoria. I guess she stopped talking about her life because she was trying to talk to me now. "Did you hear me?"

I looked up at her. "Um, what?"

Victoria smiled at me. "I said, do you need help with your stuff?"

I noticed that she was almost done unpacking her stuff. I looked over at the closet. Her side was already full. Then I looked over at my stuff. All I did was unpack a couple of shirts. I admit it. It would be nice to get some help, but with this girl? No way. She's the whole reason to why my first day of college has become one of the worst days of my life. Then my thoughts went back to what happened earlier with her and Alvin. Okay, they said goodnight to each other, Alvin did his 'famous' wink, and he left. No big deal, right? Then I remembered what Eleanor and Jeanette told me earlier. I'm gonna be living with this girl for a year. So why not get a chance to know her a bit...despite how much I don't want to.

"Uh, sure. That'd be great." I said, as I watched Victoria smile as she jumped off her bed to sit beside me.

"What do you want me to start on first?" She asked me.

My mind was still wandering off, still asking my soul questions I have never asked myself in my life. "Um, anything." I said quietly.

"Okay." She said as she reached into my suitcase. "Wow, you have a lot of pretty clothes." Said Victoria, as she helped me with my dresses. "You should become something involving fashion. I love your taste in clothes."

I was surprised in myself for actually answering back. "Thanks. I'm actually taking fashion studies." I said, trying to act like I was engaged in this conversation.

"No way! That's so cool!" She exclaimed. "I'm so jealous. I wish I was talented in fashion studies."

"So...what are you taking?" I asked. Well, it was more like mumbling, but whatever. I prayed to God, she wouldn't say fashion studies. I already have to live with her. I don't want to share classes with her!

"Me? I'm taking my degree in veterinary. I've loved animals ever since I was 1, when I got my first pet. It was a goldfish, but he died within a week. But in my life, I've had 4 fish, 2 hamsters, 2 turtles, 2 cats and 3 dogs. I still have my 3 dogs, but my mom's taking care of them now. My cats ran away when I was 9." Said Victoria.

I have to admit, it sounded pretty cool. And Victoria didn't seem so bad herself. I have this habit where I judge a book by it's cover. In words, I judge a person right when I meet them. And Victoria seemed like a nice girl, still pretty annoying though. And with that thing with Alvin earlier, well, I told myself to not let it get on my nerves. Every girl who meets Alvin for the first time acts like that. Alvin has his own personal way of flirting with girl, but he forgets about her after 10 minutes, so I shouldn't let that bother me.

But why should I let it bother me in the first place? It's not like I have feelings for Alvin.

Then Victoria and I continued to talk. It turns out she was born in Italy, but moved here to California when she was 2. Her parents got divorced when she was 7, and she has been going back and forth from her dad's place, to her mom's place until she was 13. When she was 13, her father moved away with his new family. I did feel sorry for Victoria, but then she said that she didn't really care, because her dad was never there for her anyway. It turns out she's an only child, but she has 2 step sisters, and a half brother from her dad's side, which she has never met before. She told me she's never met her step-mother either. Victoria said she's living with her mom and step-dad outside college.

I did feel bad for her when she was describing her family life, because honestly, I could never imagine life without my sisters, or Miss Miller. Then it was my turn to talk. I told her about myself, and how I like everything involving fashion. I told her about Miss Miller, and about any other random thing I could think of. And in a matter of minutes, I really didn't mind this girl anymore.

But just when you think things were going fine...

Victoria helped me put the last of my belongings into my side of the closet. "Whew, well that was fun."

I smiled. "Thanks for helping me, by the way."

"No problem." She said, sitting on her bed.

I sat in my bed, feeling horrible about the way I treated her when I first met her, just a few hours ago. I was gonna apologize about making a bad impression, and hoping we could start over again as friends, but then Victoria asked a question, that made me forget about this whole becoming-friends-with-you crap. I started to feel the despisement again.

"So, who were those 3 boys earlier?" She asked.

I paused for a second. "What?"

"You know, those 3 boys that stopped by when I came back." Said Victoria. "Who were they?"

Why was she suddenly bringing this up? "Oh, them. They're just childhood friends of ours."

She raised her eyebrows. "Really? That's so cool. How long have you known them?"

I was hoping this was as far as the conversation will go. "Um, Eleanor, Jeanette and I have known them since we were 5."

"Wow! That's like, 15 years! You all must be very good friends." Said Victoria.

I shrugged. "Yeah, I guess."

"I'm surprised neither you or your sisters are dating them." Said Victoria. "Are you?"

That question threw me off the edge. "Excuse me?"

"Okay, I get it. It's weird because you've basically known them your whole life. It'd be like, dating a brother, or a cousin or something." Said Victoria. "But you guys aren't dating them, right?"

The heat returned to my cheeks. "No, we're not." I said. "Why?"

Victoria smiled. "Well, they're cute."

Now I felt hatred wash over me. Hatred towards the girl who was sitting across from me. "What?"

Victoria smiled and shrugged. "Those were some pretty cute boys. Especially the one in the red hoodie. What was his name? Alvin, was it? Yeah, he's cute."

I didn't answer her for a long time. I was starting to feel envious, frustrated and resentful - all mixed into one. Why though? Was I feeling heartbroken? For some reason I don't know, yes. Was I feeling unwanted? Yes. Was I feeling these emotions because of the fact that Victoria seems to like Alvin?

Yes.

I looked at Victoria. "Oh, no. You really don't want to get to know him."

Victoria frowned. "Why not?"

"B-B-Because...I've known him all my life. Trust me. You do not want to get caught up in his acts." I said, then asking myself 'what the hell did you just say?'

Victoria raised her eyebrows again. "Well, whatever his acts are, I'd still like to meet him."

I said nothing. I felt my hands begin to shake.

Victoria looked at me. "You don't mind, right?"

"Mind what?" I said, noticing my voice was like a deadly whisper.

"If I ask him out. Alvin, I mean." She said.

I tried couting for 10, hoping that this was all just some sort of nightmare, but I never woke up. I was still stuck in this situation. "No." I said. I never knew how hard it was to say that two letter word before. But I pretended like I didn't care. "Why would I mind?"

Victoria shrugged. "Well, I just wanted to ask because you're good friends with him."

"So? I don't care." I said, feeling my inner self begin to cry.

Victoria smiled. "Okay, good. At first, I thought you two were dating."

And for the first time, I didn't have the guts to critizise that fact. Why didn't I? Was it because I wanted it to be true? Did I want it to be true? Am I listening to my head? Or my heart? Because only one can give me the truth, but I didn't know which one was right.

I shook my head slowly, feeling my walls close in on me. "No." I half whispered. "We're not dating. Alvin and I are just friends."

_Just friends..._

"Hmm, maybe I do have a shot." Said Victoria, with a giggle.

Those words pierced right through me. It was as if it was telling me that I had to do something, fast. I looked at her, and the image of Alvin winking at her, and her giggling didn't just bring me fire, but it tore me into pieces. I hate this girl. There's this thing about her that I hate so much. Was it her bleach blonde hair? No. Was it her annoying voice? No. Was it the squeaky clean attitude? No. Was it because she made me realize something I never thought was possible?

_Yes._

But this can't be right. In my 15 years of knowing Alvin Seville, never did I once think about the two of us in a more-than-friends situation. But deep down, when my heart told me that I don't love Alvin Seville, it was wrong.

I don't know how this happened, but Victoria made me realize what my heart has been trying to tell me this whole time.

Did I seriously just fall for the boy who has given me 15 years worth of headaches?

Yes. Yes I did. And I can't hide that fact anymore. Earlier, when I was staring at myself in the mirror, I needed answers to why I was an emotional trainwreck. And I have found my answer. It was unaccpetable at first, but there is no other explanation. My heart and head bonded as one and they told me that I, Brittany Miller, may have fallen in love with the boy I least expected to fall in love with.

I realized that I am in love with Alvin Seville, my best friend - the boy who has given me reasons to why I get so mad easily, to why I snap at people so much, and to why I take things so seriously.

But I also realized that he gave me one more thing - One reason to feel heartbroken.

But this is the question I am asking myself :

How can you be in love with your best friend when everytime you look at him, you feel like slapping that stupid grin off his face. But deep inside, you know you feel something more.

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**Awwwwww! :'(**

**But I promise, the story is getting better! If you love me, please review ;) LOL thanks guys!**


	5. In the middle

**Next chapter! Okay, so you guys have been saying that it's weird that Victoria has a crush on Alvin, a chipmunk, and weird that Alvin likes a human. But this is fanfiction! Use your imagination! :) LOL I hope you guys like it!**

* * *

2 days later...

For the past 2 days, I've been trying to get everything together. And when I say everything, I mean everything. My sisters and I went out into campus to find all our classes. It took us nearly 2 hours to find where everything was, but we managed to do it. We met a few teachers along the way too. It was definitely a wake up call to tell me that this is life - college is finally starting. We managed to memorize the school grounds a bit better, but in my head, it was still the biggest maze I've ever been in. The school part was going well. Classes were starting soon, I knew my way around here, and overall, this is the chance I've been waiting for since I was a little girl. In words, I just couldn't wait.

But there was still one thing that was bothering me. Ever since that day, 2 nights ago, when Victoria told me she's gaining a crush on Alvin, I realized things about me that I never knew was possible. Yes, I was in love with my best friend, Alvin Seville. After Victoria told me what she thought about Alvin, all I could do was avoid her. I needed to avoid her or else I'd just explode. It's not easy keeping in something you don't trust, but you know is right. But it wasn't easy because it wasn't as if I had a choice. It's nearly impossible to avoid someone you're sharing a dorm room with, a bedroom with, a closet with, a bathroom with, a kitchen with...the list goes on.

But as I said, it's hard to keep something in you when you don't trust it. But I know that it's right. I am in love with Alvin Seville. But how do I know? It could just be a lie I'm telling myself. But no. Whenever I see Alvin, or whenever I look at him, I just want to hit him, or slap him. That's how we grew up to be - enemies who are the best of friends. But I always knew there was this small thing inside of me that told me that I adored him, I admired him, and no matter what, I will always be there for him.

But I never accepted that fact til now.

I always use to shake that thought off, because I knew it was impossible. Me, in love with Alvin Seville? Yeah right. But it isn't impossible.

Not anymore.

I always knew Alvin had his own personal charm of flirting with girls, but that charm never worked on me. Why? Was it because I've known him for years? Was it because I see that flirty look in his eyes every single day? Was it because I knew that he would flirt with a girl, and forget about her a day later? These questions still haven't been answered. But deep inside, I knew why girls swooned over him. Alvin has charm, on the inside and outside. I am not afraid to admit this, but he is also pretty good looking. I mean, no girl can deny that. He has this bad boy personality all the girls go for and he's a major sporty guy. I never fell for these kinds of things. But why am I suddenly seeing different now? Feeling different?

Why am I suddenly learning that I love him? Okay, I've always loved him as like, a friend. You know, that type of love. But the one I am feeling, gosh, it's so much more.

That night, when Alvin and Victoria looked into each other's eyes, I felt something I have never felt before. That night, I couldn't sleep. I was too busy trying to piece the things together. Alvin, my best friend. Victoria, my roommate. And me...where do I fit? But when I felt the sudden heartbreak 2 days ago, it all made perfect sense. I guess, all along, I was in love with Alvin Seville - but I never really knew it til now.

_'Don't be afraid to fall in love'  
_  
The words never left my thoughts. Never. I am not sure if Miss Miller had her own personal meaning to it when she explained it to me 10 years ago. I just couldn't understand what the words meant. 'Don't be afraid...' Afraid? Afraid of what? Afraid of other people knowing? Afraid that someone will get hurt? I always told myself that falling in love is the last thing you wanna do. But now, I just can't listen to myself anymore.

I think, for the most part, I have fallen in love. But I just can't tell people yet. I can't tell my sisters yet. Things like this are made to be shared when you are 100% about it. I knew I was 100% sure of my feelings, but I just didn't have the guts to spill it out. It was like glue on your fingers. You wanted to get it off, but there were still some pieces left on your nails. It was like me, in the situation right now. I wanted to get this feeling off my chest, but I don't know if I could.

Could I?

I didn't realize I was half asleep, half awake, with these thoughts and questions running through my head when I felt someone shake me. I woke up completely, but I left my eyes closed. I felt the person shake me again. I sighed and opened my eyes. Eleanor was standing beside my bed. I groaned. "What?"

"Britt, it's noon. Wake up." Said Eleanor. "It's time for lunch."

I turned on my side, covering my head with my pillow. "Whaaaat?"

I heard my sister sigh, and she took the pillow off my head. "It's already 12 o'clock."

"What?" I said, sitting up to check the time on my cell phone. It read 12:04. "Already?"

Eleanor nodded. "Yes, already. Now come on, get up. Let's eat lunch."

I noticed that Victoria wasn't in the room. "Where's the roommate?" I asked.

Eleanor rolled her eyes. "_Victoria_..." She said, emphisizing the name. "...took off during breakfast. She said she needed to talk to someone."

"Someone?" I asked. "Who?"

Eleanor shrugged. "She didn't say."

I froze. I remember the words she told me the other night. _'You don't mind if I ask him out, right?_' _'Maybe I do have a shot...'_ I felt my heart speed up, feeling worried, feeling that sickening plunge in your stomach when you're worried. What if Victoria left to do what she wanted? - to ask Alvin out. And let me tell you, Alvin never says no to a girl when it comes to dates. And knowing Alvin, especially since we're all in the 'grown up' age, he can get pretty out of hand. But what do I know?

But I do know, for a fact, that Alvin hasn't been on a date with a girl since the 10th grade. It was with my friend Karen, but she moved last year to another school. But why did Alvin stop going out with girls for 3 years? Because Dave forbid him to after that date. Apparently, Alvin ignored his and the girl's curfew. Karen told me that they watched a movie, but it went past 11 o'clock, and her parents got really mad. Dave got mad too, and that was the last date Alvin has been on. Hopefully, he's learned something from that. But I don't have the power to stop anything. We're in college now. No parents, nothing. Who knows what Alvin will do?

I made sure my voice didn't give away that I didn't care. "Oh. Um, did she say what she was gonna talk about?"

Eleanor shrugged. "She said she needed to talk to some teachers about her classes or whatever."

Then it hit me even more. I bet she wasn't going to talk to some teachers. I bet Victoria said that because she knew that my sisters were friends with Alvin, and she didn't want them finding out what she was gonna do.

"Why are you asking?" Asked Eleanor.  
_  
_I quickly shrugged, acting like I didn't care. "Just wondering." Oh well, might as well enjoy the day until Victoria comes back. I decided to change the subject when I smelled food coming from our kitchen. "What's for lunch?" I asked, my mind still set on whatever Victoria might be doing, and wondering where Alvin was now. There was a 50% chance that they were within speaking distance with each other. It made me furious, sick, but worried at the same time.

"Jeanette and I cooked spaghetti. Now hurry up if you want some, or else there'll be none left." She said.

I looked at her funny. "But it's just you, me and Jeanette eating, right? Why would it run out?"

Eleanor rolled her eyes. "Just hurry."

"Wait. How much did you cook?" I asked.

Eleanor just smiled at me and walked out my bedroom door, without answering my question. I sighed, got up, brushed my hair, went into the washroom to brush my teeth, then I took a quick shower, then I changed into a T-shirt and shorts. I yawned as I made my way into the kitchen. I was still feeling tired, but all the tiredness went away when I saw who was sitting at our kitchen table.

"Good afternoon, Britt." Said Simon, and Theodore, with a mouthful of food, waved.

I looked at them for a few seconds. There was Simon and Theodore, sitting at the table. Jeanette and Eleanor were still filling their plates with food. But Alvin wasn't there.

I suddenly felt that sickening heartbreaking feeling. "Oh. Hey guys." I said, trying to sound normal.

Jeanette said, "Britt, do you want cheese with your spaghetti?"

I couldn't answer her question, because my own question hasn't been answered. Where was he? But deep inside, I knew a possibility where he could of went.

But then, out of my complete surprise and relief, I heard a voice behind me.

"Well, it's about time you woke up."

I turned around and I saw Alvin right behind me. "Sorry, I forgot my phone in my dorm. I had to go run and get it." He said, smiling at me. He squeezed past me and made his way beside his brothers.

I stopped in my tracks. I stared at him, not knowing what to say. I wasn't sure if I was mad that Alvin was here, or relieved. That way, I knew that Victoria was nowhere near asking him out. This was the first time I looked at him, knowing I was in love with him. For the first time ever, I didn't know what to say. I came back to my senses and made my way to the table and sat down.

Eleanor handed me a plate of spaghetti. "Thanks." I said as she sat down beside me. I turned to her. "What are they doing here?"

I heard Alvin clear his throat. "Um, hello? We're right here?"

I rolled my eyes at him. That was one thing I couldn't keep away - the way I act when I know he's trying to get on my nerves. It's not like I can act all different around him now. I'm still me. I'm still Brittany Miller. I can still act any way I want to whoever I want. But there's this thing inside me, that's holding me back. I just had to pretend that I didn't care...

Eleanor shrugged. "We called the boys and asked if they wanted to come over for lunch."

"Yeah, it's a good thing you did because we hardly have any food in our dorm. Simon can't cook that well, and Alvin's just lazy." Said Theodore.

"Why don't you cook?" Asked Eleanor.

Theodore shrugged. "They won't let me. Simon says I make way too much food, and it just ends up as waste because none of us can finish it all." He said, making us all laugh.

We all ate our lunch around the table. For once, I hardly spoke up. I guess I just wasn't in the mood for speaking, especially when I was so confused with myself at the moment. I felt like those little 5 year old girls, in their pig tails and their flowery dresses, too shy to talk to the little boy who was playing in the sandbox. But why should I feel like that? I've known Alvin for 15 years. I wasn't shy, I wasn't nervous...But I was just so scared that he would know.

After we put our plates in the sink, Alvin said, "Is it just me, or has Britt been extremely quiet...for once."

I looked at him, hating how the smirk on his face made me love him even more. I always thought he looked cute when he did those facial expressions, but something about the way he smirked at me right now made my heart jump. As I said, I've always loved him as a friend, but now, with my feelings exposed to my inner self, I knew I loved him more than a friend. But I didn't know if he loved me back in that way.

"And you're complaining?" I shot at him.

He shook his head, laughing. "No. It was quite peaceful, for once."

I rolled my eyes. Then Simon spoke up. "So, what should we do now?" He asked.

Jeanette shrugged. "I dunno. You guys wanna explore campus?" She asked us.

"Again?" I asked, and she nodded her head. "Nah, you guys go ahead. I'll stay here. I need to get my class schedule together anyways."

Jeanette nodded. She turned to Eleanor, Alvin, Simon and Theodore. "You guys wanna come?"

Simon nodded. "Sure. I haven't had the chance to find my class yet anyways."

Theodore said, "Yeah, me neither."

"Okay, I might as well come along too." Said Eleanor. She turned to Alvin. "Alvin, are you coming?"

"Mmmm, nah." He said. "I'll stay here with Britt."

From the corner of my eyes, I saw my sisters exchange a weird glance with Simon and Theodore. I looked at Alvin, trying to keep my voice calm. "Um, what?"

I saw him smirk at me, amused at the fact that I was annoyed. "I don't feel like going out. Kinda tired."

I rolled my eyes. "Then stay in your dorm." I muttered, telling myself to act like I shouldn't care.

"Harsh, much?" He said, smiling at me.

I heard Jeanette sigh behind me. "Okay, anyways...please don't kill each other while we're gone."

The fact that we were gonna be alone made my insides jump. I sighed. "Don't worry."

After the 4 of them walked out the door, Alvin came to sit in the couch across from me. I just looked at him, not knowing what to expect. The voice inside of me was telling me to say something. _'This is your best friend, the boy you've known all your life. You know him almost as well as you know yourself. Why are you acting like this?' _But I only had one answer :

_Because I love him._

Alvin sighed. "So Brittany, what's wrong?"

I raised my eyebrows. "What?"

He looked at me. "Look, the only reason I didn't want to explore campus was because I know there's something bothering you. I didn't want to leave you alone when you were like this."

I looked at him, trying to look like I had no idea what he was talking about. "What do you mean?"

The look he wore on his face told me he did know something was bothering me. "Are you seriously trying to hide something from me?" He smiled, slightly darkly. "You know you can't hide anything from me. I know you way too well."

I bit my lip, to prevent myself from smiling. But it didn't work. "Well, guess again. There's nothing bothering me."

Then he turned serious again. "Then why were you so quiet during lunch today? I've never seen you like that."

I laughed out loud. "You're kidding, right? You think there's something wrong with me because I didn't open my mouth for, what? 30 minutes?"

He nodded. I frowned. This is what I hated. He knew me way too well to know that there was something on my mind. I mentally screwed him, but then, I took it back. I loved him, but I just didn't know if I could ever let that out. Alvin may know me like the back of his hand, but he doesn't know me well enough to read my mind. It was silent for 30 seconds, and a million thoughts ran through my head. I, myself, know that there is something bothering me : The fact that I am in love with my best friend. It's not bothering me in a bad way, it's bothering me in a way that I just couldn't understand. The only way I could understand was to talk about it. But I would never, ever, tell.

Never. At least, not yet.

"Talk to me." He said, which made me unconnect from my thoughts.

"What?" I said, but when I said it, it was almost a whisper.

He shrugged and said, "Well, if there is something bothering you, you know you can always tell me what it is. I mean, we've told each other secrets our whole lives. And I've kept them between you and me."

I sighed to myself because he was right. I shrugged. "There's nothing wrong." I said, and again, it was like a whisper.

He sighed. "Alright. If you say so."

It was dead silent between the two of us for what seemed to be like an hour. I looked at the clock on the wall. Only one minute passed. I decided to change the subject, and try to leave this subject behind. "So, football studies, huh?"

Alvin smiled and nodded. "Yeah, can't believe it. I couldn't believe I got in."

"Well, you deserve it. You've been playing football ever since elementary school. I know you'll do good." I said.

The two of us are probably the weirdest pair of friends in the world. Two best friends who have known each other for 15 years, who annoy each other, who know each other too well, who love to hate one another...and who are the only two people in the world who can compliment each other, and know that the other actually means it from the heart. When I was a little girl, I use to think the relationship between us was a curse. Now, I know it's a gift. Despite all the times we bicker at each other, we both know we're the only one the other could truly trust.

But as for now, we're nothing more than friends.

"Thanks Britt." He said, smiling at me. "And you, fashion studies. Big surprise there."

I laughed slightly. "Yeah, never thought that would happen." I said in a half joking, half sarcastic voice.

"I thought you were gonna be a mathmatician when you grow up." He said, laughing.

I glared at him. He knew math wasn't my strongest subject, and the fact that he just made fun of that made me realize that he may know me more than I thought. In a way, it was good to know. "Ouch, watch it on the insults." I said, and he laughed, which made me smile.

It was silent again for a few seconds. I know Alvin could still sense that something was on my mind, but he was nice enough to just leave it alone. "So, how's college going for you so far?" He asked me.

I looked at him and laughed. "We haven't even been here a whole week! Are you really asking me that now?"

He smiled and rolled his eyes. "Well, at least _I'm_ trying to make small talk."

I sighed and glared at him teasingly. "Fine." I snapped. "It's going good. I've had a blast cleaning out my suitcase for the past 3 days!"

Alvin laughed and shook his head. "Amazing."

I smiled. It's been a long, long time since Alvin and I had a friendly conversation with each other like this where we actually talked and laughed. I had to admit, I did miss talking to him like this, without the rolling of the eyes and the arguing and stuff. When Alvin and I had talks like this, it reminded us, or me, at least, of how much we care about each other. I loved that about him. But in Alvin's perspective, I was just his best friend. In my perspective, he was my best friend, and I was in love with him.

I decided it was my turn to make small talk. "So, how's it going with your roommate?" I laughed to myself, remembering how Alvin complained about his new roommate being a complete nerd.

Alvin rolled his eyes and sighed. "My roommate? Anthony?" He groaned. "You don't wanna know."

"Yeah? Try me." I said.

He smiled at me for a second, and it made my heart jump. But I tried to look calm. I did everything it took to cover my inner emotions. Alvin said, "Well, it's like living with a human computer who's part human calculator. The guy can never shut up about these scientific things that I don't understand! I thought these kinds of people were only in movies!" He said, and it made me laugh. "But I can't explain it, but you get it, right? It amuses Simon and Theodore that it annoys me so much. I'd be the one laughing if one of them had to share a dorm room with him. But no. I always get the crappy stuff."

I laughed. "Wow."

He laughed slightly and looked at me. "How about you? How's things going with your roommate? Victoria, right?"

I stopped and looked at him. Inside, I suddenly felt hurt. How did he possibly remember her name? Alvin was that type of guy who forgot about a girl after a day. But he remembered Victoria. That hardly happened with him. Then it came back to me - the image from two nights ago, of them looking at each other, smiling. And the conversation Victoria and I had, when she brought up Alvin, saying he was cute, and having a thought of asking him out. It hurt me even more. I screwed myself for bring up the roommate topic. It was my fault, but I wasn't mad at myself. I was mad at Alvin for hurting me. I knew he didn't know about it, but it hurts.

I looked at him, and he was waiting for an answer.

"Victoria?" I said, trying not to sound deadly.

He nodded. "Yeah, her."

I tried to make the conversation as short as possible, so I made up a lie. "Oh, it's going well. Anyways, um-"

"I like her. She seems like a pretty cool girl." He said.

I looked at him, closing my mouth before I could say something really offensive. After a few seconds, I said, "What?"

"Okay, I don't _like_ like her. I mean, well, she seems cool. She seems pretty nice too." He said.

"Oh." That was all I could say. How could this happen? Alvin and Victoria barely said 15 words to each other, yet, Victoria turned to _me_ to say how much she liked Alvin. And Alvin turned to _me_ to say that he liked Victoria. And I was the one who had to compete with it all. I was the one who had to put up with my feelings, to put up that I was in love with Alvin. That's enough heartbreak to last me a lifetime.

But why was I stuck in the middle?

I felt that feeling you get when you are on the verge of tears. More than anything, I needed my sisters with me right now. I don't think I could handle the truth and the pain much longer.

I looked at him. Maybe he didn't know me as well as I thought.

He didn't know me well enough to know I was hurt.

* * *

**Yeah, the chapters get sadder and sadder :(**

**But I hope you still liked it! Please review! Thankyouuu guys!**


	6. It hurts to choose

3 days later...

It was the following Monday, which meant that classes finally started. It wasn't your average hype like going to high school for the first time. No. It was way beyond that. It was an experience I will never forget. Of course, I was feeling a bit nervous. Who can blame me? It's my first day of college! My sisters and I woke up extra early to get all our things ready. We ate breakfast, and we parted to go to our classes. Unfortunately, the roommate ate breakfast and prepared with us too. I know I shouldn't be complaining since we basically live together, but I don't care. I hate her.

I tried my best pretending that she wasn't there, but she didn't notice. She just continued to talk to me about how excited she was and all that crap. I don't care. Because of her, I was confused, I was hurt...

I'm not sure if I can trust myself or listen to myself. I was in love with someone who I least expected to fall in love with. But he didn't know. But I do know is that he has a crush on my roommate, Victoria. And the fact that he said it to my face, hurts. I know he didn't know how it made me feel, but it was just a feeling I can't forget.

But in the mean time, college was all I could focus on.

It was like a breath of relief when I stepped out of my dorm room. Every single hallway was crowded with students and teachers. It was nothing compared to high school. I do admit, I miss walking down the hallways with my friends, eating at the cafeteria, hanging out in the courtyard, and my locker that held all my stuff. But this was college. It was better than that. In a sense, it was a new step.

It was 8:00AM. I found my course classroom and sat down at a table, amazed at my surroundings. Yeah, I was taking my degree in fashion studies, but when I looked around this room, it made me realize how much of an oppurtunity this was gonna be. But, I still managed to look calm and collected. Miss Miller always told me that making a first impression was one of the first things you should do.

The day was going well so far. There were at least 50 other people taking this course with me. We got introduced to our teachers, or as they call it here, professors. And they went over the course outline, rules and stuff that we basically need to know - stuff that I already know. I had a wide knowledge on the fashion industry. I can name almost every single designer out there. Miss Miller hates it when I go shopping, and coming back with a Chanel and Dior shopping bag in my hands. I don't blame her. I mean, $1500 for just 2 purses? Whoops. But hey, I can't contain myself.

But my dream was to make it to the fashion industry. I love everything about it. And the day I got the acceptance letter that I was selected for this course was one of the best days of my life.

The teachers continued to talk and talk for about 3 hours. They had a powerpoint presentation set up for us, and we had to take notes on it. After that, just when I thought that this class was just gonna be about making and designing clothes, the teachers said that it's not. It's also about the mathematics, and the measurements. Like, how much fabric you would need for a waist line of a certain amount, or how to convert inches to centimetres. I silently groaned to myself, since I wasn't good in math.

I looked at the clock. It was now 2:00PM. I was glad when the teachers said that the first day was ending soon, but guess what? They gave us an assignment. I mean, what the hell? Are we in high school or something? Okay, I don't mind homework assigments, but on the first day? Really? But anyways, the assigment was easy. Write about yourself, your background on the fashion industry, explaining why you took this course, and stuff like that. It was like a regular high school assigment, but I'm pretty sure college assigments were do or die.

I got back to my dorm at 2:30. My sisters and Victoria weren't home yet. I guess college courses ended at different times, depending on the class. I was glad to be alone. It gave me a chance to just think to myself without any interruptions.

I dropped my coat and school bag in my room, and went back into the living room to sit on the couch. Despite how good this day went so far, a part of myself was still where I was a few nights ago...

And then the pain came back.

And the tears began to form.

3 days ago, when Alvin and I were talking, and when he mentioned that he liked Victoria, the feelings I was feeling for him before, escaladed into something more. For the past 3 days, I was isolated from the world, including my sisters. I don't think I spoke a word to anyone for the past 3 days. I knew my sisters were concerned about me, but they were polite enough to just leave me alone. I was just thinking to myself, and wondering why...why am I in love with Alvin? And why is it hurting so much to love him? I silently cried myself to sleep that night.

I was hurt in a way I couldn't understand.

I was stuck in the worst case possible. Imagine having your roommate - a girl you highly dislike - tell you that they want to ask your best friend out. And having your best friend - a boy you are in love with - tell you that he thinks your roommate is cool, and wouldn't mind hanging out with her. I was so hurt, so pained by this, until I remembered a few simple words.

_'Don't be afraid to fall in love'_

Those words brought me back to memories when I was a little girl, to now. I still don't understand what Miss Miller meant when she told me this, but in a way, it changed me.

I always told myself to focus on life, not love. Falling in love is probably the last thing you want to do.

When I replayed those words in my mind over and over again, I just couldn't listen. In that moment, something came over me. Something that I know won't help me, but it will help me escape this confusing dilema of a heartbreak. I told myself these words. I screamed these words in my head. I just had to run away from my feelings.

I took a deep breath. Somehow, I needed to break away from my feelings.

"Alvin and I will never be together." I said, silently. "Never."

But I burst into tears. I, myself, had such a hard time accepting this statement, let alone say it outloud. But I just had to get away. I had to leave these feelings behind. It was hurting me. It was affecting me. This is why I didn't want to fall in love. It interferes with your life in a way that hurts. Love hurts. It just kills me.

I continued to cry for another 2 minutes. While tears still fell, I took a deep breath again. I told myself this. "I don't love Alvin Seville. I _don't_ love him."

Again, it hurt when I said it, but I didn't burst into tears because I kept talking to myself, trying to do whatever it takes to kill my feelings for him.

"He's just my friend. My best friend. I can't fall in love with him." I whispered, feeling drops of hot tears run down my cheek.

It was the only way to get rid of my feelings for Alvin. I just couldn't take it.

"We're not meant to be together." I whispered again. "...and we never will."

I felt like those girls in those TV shows where her boyfriend just dumped her for different reasons. And I was here, sitting and crying like that girl. But my scenario was different - it was worst. Trying to send your feelings away when your heart is forcing them back in, but you're doing anything it takes to just escape the feeling. It was the hardest thing I have done. I know I shouldn't be acting like this; I don't know why I am acting like this.

"I don't love him, nor will he ever love me." I whispered one more time.

I'm not suppose to love him, I'm not suppose to care, I'm not suppose to wish that he could understand what I'm feeling, and comfort me, telling me that he loves me, but I just can't control myself. People always have stories about how they met their best friend. But Alvin and I never had those kinds of moment, yet, I am falling for him.

But I keep telling myself I can't. I can't treat myself this way. But right now, I'm 99% sure we can't be together - but there's still that 1% that's telling me we can. As much as I'm telling myself that I don't love him, I still do. I love him, and I hate myself for that.

I sat on the couch, hugging my knees for what seemed to be like half an hour. One week ago, if someone told me I was falling for Alvin, I would laugh and say that it would never happen. But here I am, sitting on the couch, crying, falling for him. But I'm wondering to myself, if I hadn't seen the way Alvin and Victoria looked into each other's eyes in that one moment, would I still be like this?

But I shook my head, knowing that I can't undo that past. Maybe love wasn't for me. Maybe that's why I've tried to stay away from relationships all my life. Maybe it's just a way of telling me that I'm not meant to love somebody. I sniffled one last time before I sighed to myself again. In my head, I told myself that I don't care, and to just get over the fact that I can't be in love with him. I told myself that I don't want to be in love with him. And that I am not going to be in love with him. It has to stop.

But no matter how hard I try to tell myself this, the part that's telling me that I do love him, fights even stronger.

But I was beginning to have second thoughts. Why am I wasting my time, crying my eyes out, when I have a whole future ahead of me? My whole life has been building up to this moment. It was all about me. Not Alvin, not Victoria - me. Who cares if Alvin likes her, and she likes him? Because now, after realizing that my dreams are just a few steps away, that was all I could think of right now.

But was it all I could think of?

I got up, went into the bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror. I looked at my eyes. They were messed up with makeup, and they were red and poofy. This is how I was treating myself, and as I said a trillion times, it has to stop. It's got to end.

I looked at my face, sternly as if I was talking to a stranger. "I am not in love with Alvin."

I sighed, as one more tear streaked down my face. I can't keep doing this to myself. I have to do what's right, even if it hurts you on the inside. I need to stop thinking about Alvin. I need to stop letting Victoria put things in my mind. And I need to stop accepting the fact that I may be in love with Alvin, because I am not going to let myself. I keep saying these words to make me feel better, but everytime I say I don't love him, I fall in love with him even more.

Last time I saw Alvin, I told myself that it hurt too much to love him. But I was wrong about that. The truth is that it hurts too much _not_ to love him.

But I needed to walk away from it.

I took one last look in the mirror before walking out to go into my dorm room. I sighed as I sat on my bed. I reached into my beside drawer and pulled out the note that Miss Miller wrote to me. I read the last paragraph where she's explaining about how to take chances when you're in love because love is a rare thing, and not everyone will be lucky to fall in love with the perfect person. I read that paragraph over and over, trying so hard not to cry. After reading her note one last time, I felt the need to talk to someone. This is something I can't keep inside me anymore.

What am I doing to myself?

I folded the note and tucked it back into my drawer. The first few paragraphs were about reaching for my goal, and making the best out of my college life. And she was right. I can't let anything stupid get into my mind. I shook my head, telling myself this for the final time, "I don't love him."

I never knew love could feel this way. But what do I know, this is the first time ever that I have fallen for someone. And it just so happens to be my best friend. But after replaying the words over and over in my mind, it was easier to accept than ever before. This is what I needed to focus on : My life, my future and my career. Those are my top priorities.

But as mentioned, there was still that 1% of hope. But I mentally screwed myself for even thinking it. I left that thought alone, and wiped the remaining tears away, thinking about how pathetic I was for even crying about feelings I wasn't even positive about. I was thinking about how stupid I was for even thinking that I was in love with Alvin. I don't want myself to get hurt. I don't need these feelings to hurt me anymore.

I was over it.

I can't love him.

Not only am I hurting myself, I am hurting him. I don't want to put Alvin in the middle of this.

_You love him, Brittany. You know you do. It may hurt to see him take interest for another girl, but you can't tell yourself that you don't love him - because you do._

NO. I tried to get rid of those thoughts because I knew it was right. I just didn't know how to run away from them. I was thinking about how stupid I was for thinking that I was in love with him, but then I knew I wasn't stupid because I _do_ love him, but I don't know what to do...I don't know if I _can_ do anything...

I don't want to love him.

I want to love him.

I can't love him.

I do love him...

_'Don't be afraid to fall in love'_

I am not afraid, but should I be?

I'm not afraid of falling in love, but I am afraid of giving my heart away, and getting hurt. But what use will that do? I'm already hurt...

But as for now, I _can't_ care. I made up my mind. I am not allowing myself to fall in love with Alvin, no matter what happens.

_No matter what happens._

Then I heard the front door open, making my head snap up, feeling tears fall into my lap. I honestly didn't even know I was crying. I was hoping it was my sisters, but I only heard one pair of footsteps. I knew it was Victoria so I quickly wiped the visible tears away - because there were still invisible tears hurting me on the inside. No one can see them, but I'm the only one who can feel them.

I didn't want her to walk into the room to find me awkwardly sitting here, so I got my Ipod and put my headphones in my ear, grabbing a book from my bag, and turning to a random page. It only took a few seconds before she walked into our room.

"Hey Brittany!" Said Victoria, throwing her school bag on her bed.

I looked at her, and raised my eyebrows. There was something...new about her. She looked extra...happy. But whatever. All that vanilla purfume must of gone into her brains.

"How was your day? How was fashion studies so far?" She asked me, sitting on her own bed.

I sighed, wanting more than anything for her to go away. "It was fine, thanks."

She just smiled at me, probably sensing (again) that I don't want to talk to her, before pulling out her laptop. It was quiet for at least 10 minutes. She was on her bed, on her laptop, and I was here on my bed, pretending to listen to music, when in truth, my mind was somewhere else.

But I need to stop thinking about this. I just need to escape. I needed to forget.

But after a few minutes, Victoria broke the silence.

"Um, hey, Brittany?" She asked, and I looked up, again, noticing her extra happy mood.

"Yeah?" I asked.

She pondered for a moment, as if she couldn't find the right words to say. "Well, um, remember a few nights ago, when I kinda met your friend Alvin, and how I said he was cute...and how I said I would ask him out if I had the chance?" She asked, smiling even bigger as if she was about to explode.

I froze. I knew what was coming at me now, and I didn't want to hear it.

"Well I did." She said suddenly, smiling again.

I stared at her for a few seconds. "...What?" I asked, my voice sounding like a whispered cry.

She nodded, too blind to notice my expression. "Yeah. I passed him this morning on the way to my class. Actually, he came up to me and said hi. I was surprised he even remembered me, but he did, and I thought that was really sweet. We kinda talked before the bell rang and stuff, but anyways, we bumped into each other again after class, and well, it just kinda slipped out."

I felt my heart clench. But I kept telling myself that I shouldn't care...

I shouldn't let this bother me...

"I know Alvin and I hardly know each other, but he was really nice about it." Said Victoria, in that disgusting giggly voice of hers.

I looked at her, emotionless on the outside, but emotional on the inside. I felt my breathing get more heavy.

"And he said he wanted to get to know me better." She said, and I saw her cheeks blush a bright red colour.

_No..._

"And then, I asked him." She said, shrugging, her voice getting quiet. I saw her bite her lip to prevent herself from smiling.

_Please no..._

I was so scared, but I just _had_ to ask. "What did he say?" I said quietly, avoiding eye contact with her.

I heard her sigh, and I looked up at her. She was smiling even bigger now. "He said yes."

* * *

**Aww man :( WHYYY?**

**But I hope you guys liked it, although it was sorta sad. :( And let me tell you, the plot is thickening. The story is just getting started... ;)**

**But thanks for reading guys! Please please please review if you want me to update faster LOL! Thankyouu!**


	7. Losing control with a shattered heart

4 days later...

It was now Friday. 4 days ago, I can truthfully say that I fell apart, more than I was before. My heart shattered in a way that I never thought could be real, and that night, I broke into tears. Victoria asked Alvin out, and he said yes.

I know it may seem like a stupid reason to cry about. Like, okay, she asked him out, and he said yes. What's the big deal? But try putting yourself in my spot. The boy you love so much that it hurts, was asked out by a girl that you highly dislike, and seeing so clearly that they have taken interest into each other. It hurts me in a way I have never ever experienced before...and I am just so confused...

Despite how impossible it was, I ignored Victoria as much as I could. I pretened I couldn't hear her when she was talking, I pretended I couldn't see her when I walked pass her, and overall, I acted as if she didn't exsist. But I'm sure she was too stupid enough to notice. My sisters, on the other hand, did seem to notice my behavior. But the only excuse I made up was 'Don't worry, everything's fine. I'm just tired from class.'

But that was the biggest lie I have ever said in my life.

For the past 4 days, Victoria kept on rambling on about her date with Alvin, and how excited she was. She also kept on saying that after class, Alvin would be waiting outside the door for her. It wasn't annoying to listen to - it was _unbearable_. Eleanor and Jeanette, not knowing how I felt of course, were excited for her. I had no idea why my sisters were excited for her, since they have known Alvin since forever, I mean, wouldn't they think it was weird? But I don't know...

It was now 5:00PM. I was sitting on the couch, reading over a book from class, when I heard Victoria's voice again.

"Guys, I'm going out. I need some extra help from my teachers. I'll be back soon. Bye." She said.

"See ya." I heard Jeanette say from the kitchen, then I heard the front door click close.

I sighed. I looked at the book that was on my lap. I swear, I must of read the same sentence 30 times without knowing it. I was just so out of focus right now because the same thoughts kept running through my head. And as much as I hoped it would stop, a part of me hoped it would keep going.

Eleanor and Jeanette entered the living room and sat on the couches beside the one I was sitting on. Jeanette switched on the TV, and started flipping through the channels. I decided I needed a break from my thoughts and feelings, so I put my book down beside me.

Eleanor offered the slice of pizza on her plate "Want some?"

I looked at her and shook my head. "No, it's alright."

Eleanor looked at me and shrugged. "Okay, suit yourself. But if you're hungry, the pizza Victoria made this morning is on the table, okay?"

I admit, I was hungry. I hadn't eaten since 7 in the morning, but I was so full of emotions, I couldn't bare to eat anything. 5 minutes later, we settled into watching a re-run of 'Modern Family'. I tried my best to focus my attention on the TV, but it was one of the hardest things I have done. All I could think about is how hurt I was.

And before I knew it, it slipped out.

"How do you guys feel about Victoria and Alvin going out?" I asked, and after realizing what I just said, my body flooded with embarrassment, wishing that I hadn't asked that, wishing that time could redo itself to one minute ago.

My sisters looked at me funny.

"Uh, what?" Asked Jeanette.

I sighed to myself. There was no point in saying 'nevermind' and pretending I hadn't said it. "Well, I dunno. I mean, we've known Alvin since we were like, kids, and now, he's going out with our roommate...like, don't you think that's weird?"

And to my dismay, both of my sisters shook their head.

"Why would that be weird, Britt?" Asked Eleanor. "I think it's kinda cute, in fact."

I looked at her, emotionless. "What?"

She shrugged. "If Alvin likes Victoria, and Victoria likes Alvin, well, let it be."

I knew Eleanor didn't know how I felt, but in that moment after she said that, I wanted to scream. Not at her, but at myself. I couldn't take it anymore. I felt my heart squeeze painfully in my chest, thumping hard as if it was about to explode. I couldn't stand my personal tension in the room - I needed to get out.

When Eleanor and Jeanette turned their attention back to the TV, I stood up, fed up with everything, too sick of everything, tired, frustrated - hurt.

"Where are you going?" Asked Jeanette.

"I'm gonna take a walk." I said quietly.

Jeanette raised her eyebrows. "Where?"

I sighed. "Around campus." Then I shrugged. "I've been cooped up in this room all day. I just need some room to...think."

My sisters didn't notice the tone in my voice. Eleanor, not taking her eyes off the TV, nodded. And good thing because I was on the verge of tears. I looked away, in case Jeanette or Eleanor turned my way. "Okay, be back soon." She said.

I was already dressed in a T-shirt and sweatpants, so I decided to put on a sweater. I wanted to get out of the dorm so badly. And once I shut the door behind me, I felt somewhat relieved. I breathed in deeply, telling myself to get a grip, but it was no use. No matter what anyone said, no matter what I tried saying, I was still in love with him. I took this time to be by myself, to think freely of everything that has happened the past few days, and how I changed emotionally. It was hard to even think about it. One month ago, I was the strong willed girl who has her mind set on the future.

But today, I'm the girl who cries her heart out every night over her best friend...

Why was I in love with him? I've learned that I have never felt true pain, until now.

I walked outside campus, feeling the cool breeze fly through my hair. The sun was beginning to set, and people were starting to walk back inside. I sat alone, on one of the benches under a big oak tree. I sat there for who nows how long? I took in everything I saw: The big buildings, the enormous field of green grass, the marble staircases leading to different buildings around college, the big sign that read _'The sky isn't the limit. Reach beyond your dreams' _...I use to think all these things were steps to following my dreams. Now, they meant nothing.

Nothing, compared to how I felt about him...to how I felt about him _now_.

I bowed my head, and I felt one tear roll down my cheek and fall into my lap. And then, I heard a voice.

"Britt?"

I suddenly looked up, looking for the voice who called my name. And then I found the source of the voice. It was Alvin. Was it by coincidence? Probably not...He stood there, a couple feet away from where I was standing. When I didn't say anything, he walked towards me, and sat down on the bench beside me.

I looked at him, quickly wiping away my tears, and smiled casually, even though my heart was breaking into a trillion more pieces. "Oh, hey."

He looked at me. "Are-are you crying?"

I wanted to say 'yes' so bad, telling him that it was for him, and how I cry every night because of him, but I held myself back. "Oh, n-no. Just...allergies."

He raised his eyebrows. "Really? I never knew you were allergic to stuff." He said. I sighed to myself, knowing that there was no point in lying to him. He knew me better than I knew myself.

I just shrugged.

"Oh, well, anyways, what are you doing out here?" He asked.

I raised my eyebrows. "I could ask you the same thing."

He rolled his eyes, but smiled. "Practice went on longer than I thought."

I smiled. "Oh, been working hard?"

He rolled his eyes again. "Oh, you have no idea. Football studies is way more than just field pratice. The teachers and coaches make us work our butts off until we can't breathe anymore."

I laughed. "Harder than high school?"

He nooded. "Hell yeah." He said, and I laughed again. Then he looked at me. "So, back to my question. What are you doing out here? Correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought fashion classes were _inside_ the buildings." Then he looked at me weirdly. "Or do you _like_ sitting alone under trees at night?"

I laughed lightly. I loved the way he could make everything like a joke, but still make it serious. "Um, I just needed a place to think." I froze and realized what I just said. "...a-about class."

"Oh. How's it going for you so far?"

I shrugged. "It's okay."

Awkward silence came over us. I just sat here, looking away at the ground, counting every slow second that passed, wishing I knew what Alvin was thinking about right now. It was so hard to sit beside him for so many reasons. But the hardest reason was sitting beside the person you love, knowing they don't love you back...

I looked at him for a brief moment. He stared off into the distance, with his hands stuffed in his pockets. I sighed to myself, looking back to the ground. The moment was so awkward, but it still felt so good to have him here with me, even though he was the cause of my heartbreaks.

I felt him shift towards me. "Britt?"

I looked at him, and stared him in the eyes. And what I saw almost hurt me. I wonder, when he looks me in the eyes, can he see my heart shatter? I just wish I could keep it a secret, like walking in the dark. If no one knows what's bothering me, no one will care, and no one will break my heart. But no matter how hard I try, it doesn't work.

"Yeah?" I whispered, fighting so hard to contain myself.

"You wanna go back inside? It's getting kind of cold." He said.

I hesitated for 3 seconds, still looking into his eyes. I was half relieved that he didn't ask me if I was alright. But another part of me wish he had. But I nodded. "Yeah, okay."

We got up and walked back into the building, the two of us still not saying a word. I knew I had a reason to keep quiet, but I didn't know why Alvin was suddenly so silent. I looked at him as he walked. I wanted to tell him - to scream - that I loved him. But I didn't want to scare him. We were best friends. But everytime I thought of saying it, I lost hope.

"I'll walk you to your dorm, if you want." He said.

I looked at him and smiled. "Why are you being so nice to me?"

He laughed and shrugged. "Why not? You're my best friend, aren't you?"

But I felt my smile disappear. It hurt to hear that he only considers me as his best friend. Nothing more, just best friends.

We walked to our dorm's section of the college until we got to my dorm room's door. I was about to turn around to tell him thanks, but the words I dreaded to say out loud fell out of my mouth before I even thought about it.

"Why are you going out with Victoria?" I asked, then I froze.

Alvin stared at me. "Pardon?"

I stayed frozen. "I-I mean...I mean..." I took a deep breath. "Do you like her?" I asked hoarsely, not know why I asked that, but I just needed to know.

Alvin raised his eyebrows, but it didn't seem that he noticed my struggle at keeping calm, and not bursting into tears. "Well, yeah. I've never met anyone like her."

_'I've never met anyone like her.'_

I looked at him for a long time, trying to find the right words.

"So, you _like_ her?" I said.

"I guess you can say that." He said. "She asked me out a few days ago."

I closed my eyes for a second, frozen. "I know." I felt my walls go down on me. I felt the tears start to rise. I felt my throat get all choked up.

We didn't say anything for a long time.

"You feeling alright?" He asked finally.

"Yeah."

"You don't seem alright." He said.

I was so close to tears. "I'm alright."

"Britt..."

"I'm fine, Alvin. Please." I said.

"But-"

I looked up at him, and he stopped talking. "I'm fine. Just stressed with class." I said.

"Oh." He said. "Well why didn't you say so?"

I didn't say anything. I shrugged, noticing that breathing suddenly became harder for me. "You won't understand..." I said, and when I said it, I was talking about something totally unrelated to what Alvin thinks we were talking about.

"Well, I guess I should go now." Said Alvin after a moment of silence.

But then, I lost it.

"Wait. please don't." I whispered, and for the first time, I didn't regret saying it.

He looked at me. "Don't? Don't what?"

My heart began to race. I was breathing in and out more rapidly in short breaths. My head began to get dizzy.

"Brittany?" He asked, looking at me weirdly.

I shook my head. "I-I'm sorry. Nevermind." I whispered, taking my keys out of my pocket. I opened the door. "Goodnight Alvin." I said, and I shut the door without giving him a chance to respond.

And when locked the door, I automatically broke down into tears. I let it all out. The tears streamed down my face as I choked for air, covering my face with my hands. My lips trembled whenever I tried to shut myself up, but it made it even worse. I cried, and cried and cried. I ran to the washroom, locking the door behind me and pulled out my cell phone. I needed someone to talk to. And I knew who I needed to talk to.

The person who has understood me and my life, who has been there for me when I needed her, who has taken care of me, the person who got me to where I am today, the person who changed my life by telling me 'Don't be afraid to fall in love'.

I needed to talk to my mom, Miss Miller. I needed to hear her voice, needed to tell her what was wrong with me, wanting her to understand, wanting her to whisper 'it's alright' to me, like she always had whenever I was sad. I miss her, I miss my mom. I wanted to go home...

Still choking for air, feeling salty tears paint my face, I dialed Miss Miller's phone number. The clock seemed like it has slowed time down. I couldn't take one more second of this, without someone to talk to.

After 6 rings, someone picked up.

"Hello?" She asked.

I couldn't speak. I didn't realize how much I missed her until I heard her voice. "M-Miss Miller?"

"Brittany? Oh, sweetheart!" She exclaimed. I could hear the smile in her voice. "How are you, honey? I miss you."

"I miss you too." I whispered, my voice cracking.

Miss Miller didn't reply for at least 10 seconds. And I knew she had sensed something. "Brittany? What's wrong?"

I tried to tell her, but I lost control.

Instead of words, I broke out in tears, unable to make out humane words. I continued to cry in short cut out breaths, like I was suffocating. I held the phone tightly in my hand, crying into it. My body was shaking as I cried - as Miss Miller had to listen to me cry. And as the seconds ticked by, as much as the pain was excruciating, I was falling in love with Alvin even more, wishing he would know how I felt...

...Wishing that I had said something before I regretted _not_ saying it.

And before it was too late...

* * *

**So sorry for the delay everyone, I was busy :( ****But again, thank you for reading, it makes me so happy :)**

**And please _please_ review! I'm so excited to read your thoughts about this one! Thankyouu**


	8. If you love him, let him go

I continued to cry, as I held my cell phone with a firm grip, not caring if my mom was on the other end, listening to every sound I make as I cried. I sank to the floor, as tears sank to my chin. My tears were running down my face as if it were knives. It stung everytime.

I was crying in short breaths, sounding like I was drowning. I buried my face in my hands for a moment, trying to tell myself to stop. I was losing control. But crying was a way to let it all out. I just wish I was crying for another reason...

I finally stopped crying uncontrollably, and took in a deep breath.

"I-I'm sorry, Miss Miller." I whispered shakily into the phone.

"Brittany, darling, why are you crying?" She said.

My lips began to tremble again. "I-I..." I tried to say something, but words just weren't able to come out.

"Are you okay? Are you hurt?" Miss Miller asked softly, but urgently.

I wanted to say no, I was not okay, and yes I was hurt, but I didn't want to worry her more than she was now. "I...don't know."

"Brittany, tell me please. I'm getting worried." Said Miss Miller.

I shut my eyes tightly, feeling my hot tears fall down my cheeks. "I-I just wanted to talk to you." I said.

Miss Miller sighed. "Are you sure? Is there something significant you would like to tell me about? Because if there's something you want to talk about, Britt, please tell me."

And after she said that, I broke down into tears again.

"Brittany!" Exclaimed Miss Miller through the phone.

"I can't take it anymore, Miss Miller!" I blurted out, unable to keep it in any longer. "I can't."

"Honey, what are you talking about?"

I tried to contain myself. "I want to go home." I said with effort. "I don't want to be here anymore." I cried even harder.

"Oh, Brittany..." She said quietly and pitifully. "Why?"

I wasn't able to answer that. I just remained quiet. Or at least, I _tried_ to remain quiet. It was pretty hard, considering the fact that I was crying my heart out right now.

There was a slight pause. "Honey, this is your dream. Ever since you were a little girl, you've always wanted to grow up and go to college." Said Miss Miller in a worried voice.

"I don't care." I whispered, and I was telling the truth. "I don't care anymore, mom. I want to go home. I want to leave this place!"

"Oh dear..." I heard Miss Miller sigh quietly. "Whatever, or whoever, made you change your mind about college must of done something very..._affective_ to you to make you want to leave." She said. "Am I right?"

I nodded to myself. "Yes." I said, then I whispered in a hoarse voice, "But I just want to go home."

"Why? What's wrong? Is it something about the classes? Too much work or something?" She wondered.

"No." I whispered.

"Well...Is the pressure getting to you?" She asked me. "Too much stress? Is-"

"No!" I exclaimed, and Miss Miller fell silent. I sighed. "No, it's not that, Miss Miller."

"Would you like to tell me what's going on?" Miss Miler asked. "Brittany, I'm getting worried."

I inhaled deeply. "I can't." I whispered. "I'm sorry, I just can't."

I couldn't tell her that the reason I was being like this is because I was falling in love with Alvin Seville - the boy who lived down the street, my enemy, my best friend...The boy she brought up when we were talking about this exact subject _10 years ago_.

"But it would make you feel better if you told me, right?" Said Miss Miller in a voice that made me feel slightly guilty. I didn't want to get her worried, but I didn't have the guts to confess.

I sighed again. "Yes."

"If you want to tell me, you can tell me." She said. "I'm your mother, and I'm always here if you need to talk."

I realized I had no choice. All week, I've wanted someone to talk to about who I was becoming inside, and Miss Miller was the perfect person to talk to. After all, I was the one who phoned her. I took a deep breath. "I'm just so..." I couldn't find the right words. "I've never felt like this before. It's so hard." I cried.

"What is, Britt?" Asked Miss Miller gently.

I wasn't able to speak. Stutters and cries escaped my lips while my fingers trembled as I held my phone to my ear. I put my free hand on my forehead, trying to keep myself up. I was getting so sick and so tried of what was happening to me. How did something as simple as being in love cause my life to turn upside down? What was wrong with me?

"Take your time, honey." Miss Miller said, soothingly.

"I...I'm in love, Miss Miller." I said finally, tears streaming down again.

"Oh, well, Brittany!" She said, and I could hear the slight cheeriness in her voice. "That's wonderful!"

"No!" I wailed, covering my face with my hand. "No, it's not!"

"No?" Asked Miss Miller, and I could tell by her tone that she was getting extremely worried.

"It's not what you think." I cried, saying each word with great difficulty.

"How come?" Asked Miss Miller after a short moment of silence from her.

I closed my eyes once more, feeling the weight lift off my shoulderes, finally able to talk about this, but I was still hurt inside. "Because I love him so much." I felt the waterfall of tears streak down my face. "And it hurts to love him, mom! It hurts!" I said, feeling like screaming at the top of my lungs.

"Brittany, sweetheart, calm down. It's-"

"No! It's not okay! I love him, I wanna be with him, but I can't! I just can't have him! I don't know what's wrong with me!" I said, my voice breaking.

"Honey, there's nothing wrong with you. Now-"

"He doesn't even know I love him! No one knows I love him!" I sobbed. "Falling for him has been the biggest mistake of my life! But it seems _so_ damn right! But I fell in love with someone I shouldn't of fallen in love with!"

"Brittany, wh-what...why would you say that?" Asked my mom, in a panicked voice, even though she had no idea who I was talking about.

"Because every night, I cry because of him. I get so...angry because of him! I'm not myself because of him!" I sobbed even harder. "I-I don't know what's happening to me."

"Britt...I-I...what..." Miss Miller stuttered, unable to find words to help me.

"God! I am so stupid!" I said, wanting to pull my hair from my roots, wanting to scream out loud.

"Brittany, stop this, please. I-" Miss Miller began to say.

"I just want him to know how I feel. But everytime I look at him, I feel like running away. He's so...like himself, that's why I don't have the guts to say anything! But I'm just not able to say how I feel because I'm scared...I'm scared he won't feel the same way." I wept. "I'm scared about what he'll think...scared that he won't even look at me the same if I tell him."

I began to cry into the phone again.

"I'm scared it'll break our friendship apart." I whispered tearfully, feeling the tears sting my whole face again.

"Brittany, it's okay..." Miss Miller said quietly.

"I can't do it anymore." I said, barely in a whisper. "He's hurt me so much in so many ways he doesn't even know about."

"He's hurt you?" Miss Miler asked, and I could imagine her face lighting up with fury.

"Not on the outside." I said quietly. "I know he would never do that."

"Emotionally?" Asked Miss Miller.

I felt my heart squeeze again. "Yes."

"Sweetheart, that's a normal thing." Said Miss Miller.

But I shook my head to myself. "No, it's not. It can't be." I said. How can something as horrible as this be 'normal'?

Miss Miller sighed again. "Do you really know that you love him?"

I hesitated, even though I didn't need to. "Yes, I do."

"Oh, Brittany sweetheart..." She said, and she laughed lightly. "And this is coming from the little girl who refused to listen to me when I tried talking to her about falling in love one day."

I smiled a little, then sighed. "I know."

"And how do you know he doesn't love you back?" She asked.

I froze for a moment, trying to regain myself. "To him, I'm just his friend."

"Do I know this boy?"

"No." I said right away. I couldn't risk saying 'yes', and her finding out that it's Alvin. I sighed. "I...I just met him."

"And you fell in love with him that quick?" She asked.

I hated lying to her, but I had no other choice. "Yes, I did."

Miss Miller didn't say anything for a while. "Wow. Then he must be special."

I sighed, staying silent. Yes very special...

"How has he hurt you?" Asked Miss Miller.

I shook my head again. I didn't want to say how, because honestly, I didn't know how. He just did. "I...He just does. Everytime I look at him, I fall in love with him even more, but I know he doesn't love me back."

"How do you know?" Asked Miss Miller.

And I felt my heart break into a trillion more pieces. "Because...because I think he loves someone else." I said slowly, but tearfully.

"Oh, Brittany. You surely don't want to come home because of that!" Asked Miss Miller. "Sweetheart, you're the strongest person I know. You shouldn't let this hurt you."

I sighed and closed my eyes, feeling the hot tears rain down my face because I told myself the exact same thing. I knew I was a strong girl, so why was I letting this situation control me? "You don't know how it feels."

Miss Miller sighed. "Maybe you're right, but think about this. If you came home now, you would regret leaving college, and dropping out of your opportunities. I mean, you've wanted to go to college since you were a little girl. If you came home now, you would tell your self 'Why did I leave college over something like that?'."

Miss Miller was so right, but it was just too hard to accept that she was right.

"You may be feeling this now, but that's because you're young, and you're starting a life of your own, and you just want it to be perfect. And maybe, since you aren't able to get that boy, it isn't perfect. But if you just go with your heart, you will get what you want." Said Miss Miller.

"But it's not like that." I whispered. "I know there's a big possibility that we will never be together." I said, getting dizzy after I said it. "There are just so many reasons to why it's wrong, and to why _we_ will never work out."

"That's what you think. But do you really know that as a fact?" Miss Miller asked. "Sometimes, you will eventually fall in love with the perfect guy - a guy you least expect."

I sighed, and I shook my head. A guy I would least expect to fall in love with..."But it's not like that." I repeated. "And you were the one who told me to not be afraid to fall in love."

"I'm surprised you still remember." She said softly. "And yes, I still stand by what I said. I don't want you to stop everything because you're in love. I just want you to be careful, and to make the right choices."

Again, I still had no idea what she meant by those words. The words 'Don't be afraid to fall in love' has stuck by me ever since she said those words to me for the first time, 10 years ago. But I never personally understood them. "But what does it mean?"

"Only you can tell me what it means."

And I was left confused again. What did THAT mean? "Miss-"

"I just want you to be happy. And look, if you want to come home, then I'm not gonna stop you." Said Miss Miller. "But think about it again. Love may be the most unfair thing in the world, but it could be worth it in the end if you just wait, and accept all the pain coming your way."

I shut my eyes, feeling my heart thump in my ears. "But, he doesn't love me the way I love him." I bawled. "He will _never_ love me the way that I love him."

"You just have to be positive in yourself, honey. And this whole thing about loving someone may seem impossible to get by, but if you really love that person, you just have to wait." She said.

_'But if you really love that person, you just have to wait' _

"I know it may hurt, sweetie, but I don't want you to miss out on college, or anything! So, please, just have some second thoughts, but if you just can't...call me, and I'll pick you up." Said Miss Miller.

I sighed and shook my head. "No." I said. Phoning Miss Miller was probably the most smartest thing I've done all week. Her words have taught me so much in so little time. She was right. If I dropped out of college now, I would never be able to live with the regret. And maybe, love may be worthwhile, if I wait...but again, as I said, there are so many reasons to why Alvin and I would never work out.

It hurts to think that we may never work out.

_Never._

"No?" Asked Miss Miller.

I sighed, knowing that if I continue to stay here, yet suffer, it was still the right choice. "You're right, mom. I just can't let this control me."

"I'm proud of you, Brittany." Said Miss Miller. "So, are you still thinking about coming home?"

I sighed. "I think I'm having second thoughts."

"That's my girl." Said Miss Miller.

I sighed again. "I'm sorry for calling you like this, but I just needed to talk to someone. I-I've been living with this, and I just couldn't keep it in anymore."

"Britt, if you ever need someone to talk to, you call me, okay?" She said.

I nodded to myself. "I will."

"And please, I know you are hurt by this. Trust me, I know what it feels like to fall in love with someone I can't have." She said. "Please stay strong, and take care of yourself. I can feel your pain, hon. You're in love with him, and it hurts to love him."

I sighed, looking down. "Yeah."

"It's an impossible feeling to let go of, I'm sure. But you'll find a way." She said.

I smiled, as I wiped away my tears. "Thank you, mom. And thank you for taking the time to talk to me. I'm sorry for bursting like that earlier. I'm so embarrassed."

"Don't be. And of course, sweetheart." Said Miss Miller. "I know you will follow your heart."

I didn't say anything. That's what I've been doing - following my heart. But look where it's got me now...

"Eleanor, Jeanette and I miss you." I said after 5 seconds of plain silence, wondering why I changed the subject.

"I miss you girls too. Say hi to your sisters for me." She said.

"I will." I said.

"And I'll be there to visit you girls for your birthdays in a few weeks." She said.

I sighed to myself. That's right. It was mine, Eleanor's and Jeanette's birthday in a few weeks. Ugh. 19 years old. "Thanks, mom, for everything."

"Of course." She said. "Well, I miss you girls so much, and I know you all are doing so well. I am so proud." She said and sighed. "Well, call me again if you need anything, promise?"

"I promise." I said quietly.

"Okay, and please take care. As I said, love may be unfair, but if you're falling in love with someone, you may just have to let them go." Said Miss Miller, and I closed my eyes. _Let him go_...Then Miss Miller sighed. "Alright. I know you may be busy right now, so I'm gonna go. Call me soon, okay?"

"Okay. Thank you, Miss Miller. 'Night." I said, before hanging up.

I didn't know what just happened to me. In the few minutes I had, speaking to my mom, I learned so many things. But no matter how inspiring Miss Miller's words are, I was still in love. Terribly, heartbreakingly in love with Alvin. I couldn't believe I let it all out, let all my tears, my feelings and my emotions out. It was a good feeling, but in reality, no difference was made. I sighed, and I got off the floor. I looked in the mirror. I looked so tired, and my eyes were puffy and pink from all the tears I shed over the past few days. This is what I got after crying every single night.

And what did Miss Miller mean when she said, '_Only you can tell me what it means' _?

And if I do love him, _should I let him go_?

...

When I was 9 years old, Miss Miller told me 'Don't be afraid to fall in love.'

I didn't want to listen to her, but eventually, I did.

10 years later, I still keep those words locked in my heart.

I believe in those words.

And that's exactly what happened to me.

I fell in love.

And look at me now.

Emotionally damaged and heartbroken.

* * *

**Yeah, so that was a bit of a heartbreaking talk with Miss Miller huh? But anyways, I hope you all enjoyed it. Sorry for all the delays and stuff. But thanks for reading it! You guys ROCK! And please review! Thankyouu :)**


	9. Just go

2 days later...

It was the following Sunday. I sat on the couch of the living room, staring at all the books and papers that were laid in front of me; the homework I left til last minute. I groaned to myself. All of this was due tomorrow, and I hadn't even started on anything. But when you were emotionally damaged like me, it was impossible to focus on something else besides the thing that tore you apart. But as of now, I tried putting my feelings away for one moment, wanting to get started on all my work.

"Damn it." I muttered to myself, staring at the assigment outline my professor gave me. "How do I do this?"

Then Eleanor and Jeanette walked out of their bedroom.

"Britt, Elle and I are gonna run over to the grocery store for a moment." Said Jeanette. "Wanna come?"

The fact that us college students had the freedom to go to the malls, or the grocery shops or whatever during weekends was pretty good, but as of now, I couldn't.

I shook my head. "Can't." I said, holding up one of my textbooks. "I've got homework."

Eleanor nodded. "Okay." She said as she began putting on a warm sweater. Then she turned to me. "Um, is she..." She started saying, but she just pointed to my bedroom door, and I knew that she was asking if Victoria was in the room.

I slightly rolled my eyes. "Victoria? I don't know. I haven't seen her since breakfast this morning."

Jeanette raised her eyebrows. "Hmm, weird. Well, whatever." She said, beginning to open the door. "We'll be back soon, okay?"

I nodded. "Alright, bye." I said as they closed the door behind them.

Then I suddenly froze. Why _didn't_Victoria come out of the bedroom all day? Not that I was complaining or anything, because I hate my roommate, but in the few weeks I had living with her, Victoria would always be the one lounging in our living room or kitchen, or wherever. It was kinda weird that she had hardly been out today.

But then I remembered, at breakfast, when we were all eating in the kitchen, she said _'I'm gonna be kinda busy tonight.'_ And when Jeanette asked why, Victoria replied, _'I need to get ready.'_

My sisters and I left it as that, because we thought she meant she was getting ready for a big Veterinarian test or something for tomorrow. But if you think of it, you really didn't need to be locked up in your bedroom just to get ready for a test, right?

I continued to do my homework for the next 10 minutes. My brain was officially fried. This stuff was just way too confusing, and I eventually gave up when it asked a question in French, wanting me to answer it. The only word I could understand was_ la mode_, which I knew meant the word 'fashion', but other than that, I knew nothing.

Then I heard a knock coming from the door. I raised my eyebrows. That couldn't possibly be Eleanor and Jeanette. They've hardly been gone for 15 minutes! But I got up anyways, pushing the pieces of paper, and the textbooks off of me, and made my way to the door. I opened it slowly, and what I saw, returned me to my original, heartbroken and insecure self.

There, stood Alvin, in a long sleeved dark blue polo shirt, with black jeans, with his always-messy tousled brown hair, making him look even more perfect than he was now.

I stopped breathing for a moment once I saw him. When he saw me, he stared at me for a very long second, as I stared back at him. The last time I saw him, he told me he liked Victoria, he sensed I was feeling upset, I made up an excuse, and I shut the door in his face without giving him a chance to talk, and that's when I broke down into tears.

"Hey." He said, and that's when I knew he was still thinking about the other day. I wasn't sure if he understood why I was so upset. The only excuse I told him was that I was so stressed with class. And I'm not sure if he bought my lie or not.

"Hi." I said back, opening the door wider so he could step in. I slowly closed the door, and I felt my fingers get cold. Then I turned to him, afraid to make eye contact.

"How are you?" He asked me, after 5 seconds of complete silence. And I wasn't sure if he meant that in a conversational way, or if he was asking about the other day.

"I'm fine." I said.

There was a long moment of silence between us again, the two of us, not looking at each other at all. These were those types of moments when I just wanted to run away and cry. I don't know why it was so silent between us, because usually, the two of us would be yelling our faces off at each other. I had the idea that Alvin didn't want to ask about whatever was bothering me the other day, but I also had the sense that he wanted to know.

I felt bad about the way I acted towards him the other night, so I decided to speak first. "So, what are you doing here?" I asked, trying to lighten the mood.

He looked at me. "It's Sunday night."

I shrugged. "So?"

He looked at me again, as if he was trying to see right though me. Then his gaze became soft. "My date with Victoria is tonight." He said.

I felt my heart squeeze. My attempt at lightening the mood disappeared as fast as it came. I didn't say a word, and I inhaled deeply through my nose. Another part of me tore up inside, hurting me. And I wanted to cry and scream, but I did everything it took for me to remain as I was. I was hurt, once again.

And as I said, when I was speaking to Miss Miller the other night, the boy I was in love with has hurt me so many times without knowing it. Without knowing anything at all...

"Is she here?" He asked suddenly.

I felt my whole body flood with anger. I wanted to yell _'Of course she's here, dumbass._' But the reason I felt angry was because he didn't even take it to consideration that I was upset. I knew I was being so hard headed. It's like, I want him to notice I was upset, yet, I didn't. Maybe Alvin just didn't want to say anything about it. But right now, I just wish he did.

"Yeah." I said, looking at the floor, not trying to make it so obvious. I just couldn't look him in the eyes right now.

He hesitated for a while. "Do you mind getting her?" He asked.

I looked up to look at him. I wanted to say no, but despite how hurt I was about this, I wasn't able to bring myself up to hurt him, and to ruin this for him.

I nodded meekly. "Sure." I said. I turned around, closing my eyes and took a deep breath. Why was it so hard for me to let him go? I walked over to the bedroom door and knocked. It was pretty stupid, seeing that that was my bedroom as well. I was hoping that Victoria wasn't in there, but there was no chance of that. I felt Alvin's eyes watch me as I did this.

Then I heard her voice. "Yeah?" Said Victoria on the other side of the door.

I sighed to myself, feeling my nose crinkle up again, giving me the feeling that I was about to release some tears again. "You have a visitor." I said, and a second later, I heard the door click open, and it slowly swung out.

Out walked Victoria, her blonde hair was neatly tied up in a straight ponytail, she wore dark blue skinny jeans, and a flowy white top. I looked down. She looked...stunning. Absolutely, disgustingly stunning, which gave me another reason to hate her even more. I wasn't even sure the word 'hate' covered it. Yes, I admit I was a bit jealous, but my thoughts and opinions towards Victoria didn't change. I still hate that bitch.

"Visitor?" She asked me, and when I was about to say something, Alvin cleared his throat. Victoria looked to where his voice was coming from, and once she saw him, she gasped and smiled. "Alvin!" She said, half skipping, half walking to him.

"Hey." He said, smiling back, looking at her. "You look beautiful."

And that's when I had enough. I felt my whole face turn red.

"Thank you." She said, giggling. "You don't look too bad yourself."

"So, ready to go?" I heard Alvin ask.

"Of course." Said Victoria, giggling as she talked.

Then silence fell over us, until Alvin broke it several seconds later. "See you later, Britt." He said quietly.

I just looked at him, wanting to turn away a second later when I saw Victoria clinging onto his arm.

"Yeah, bye Brittany!" Called Victoria, waving at me.

I sighed and took a deep breath, and put on the most fakest happy look I have ever put on my face. "See you guys later." I said quietly. "I...I hope you guys have a good time."

Then I caught Alvin's gaze for a short moment. He was staring at me. I looked away.

"So, can we go?" Asked Victoria.

"Oh. Um, yeah. Sure." Said Alvin, as if his train of thought had just been broken.

Then Victoria let go of Alvin's arm to open the door, and they both walked out. I just stood there, in the middle of the living room, feeling sick and twisted. Then I heard Alvin's voice again.

"Um, can you wait here for just one moment?" I heard his voice say from outside in the hallway.

"Sure." Said Victoria.

Then I heard the front door creak open, and I looked up to see Alvin there, walking towards me.

I wanted to walk away, but my feet didn't move at all.

I looked at him. "What are you doing?" I said hoarsely.

He looked at me for a few seconds before asking, "Brittany, if I've asked you once, I've asked you a trillion times. Are you okay?"

I bit my lip to prevent it from trembling. "Yeah."

He shook his head. "The other night, when we were talking, I..." He sighed. "Look. I know you're stressed with class and whatever, but you just don't seem like yourself. You've hardly been acting like yourself ever since college started."

I looked away, because I knew it was true. I shook my head. "I already told you. Class is really frustrating." I said, going with the lie I made up, looking at the couch where my unfinished homework sat.

He followed my gaze, then looked back at me. "Why don't I believe you?" He asked me quietly.

I looked at the floor. "Stop acting like you know me that well." I said.

"But I do." He said quietly.

I looked back into his eyes. "You don't."

"Dammit, Brittany." He said. "Why can't you just tell me what's going on?"

I looked at him in disbelief. "Why should I?" I asked, but I knew he had every right to know. "And why do you care?"

He stared at me hard for a long time, while I looked back at him in fury. It took him a while to find the right words, but he didn't answer my question. "Why can't you tell me?"

"Why do you care?" I repeated.

He looked at me and shook his head. "I can't believe you're asking me that."

I sighed. "You won't understand." I said, answering his question.

"Oh. So after all those years, I won't understand. You and me, we've told each other everything. I've told you things my brothers don't even know. And don't tell me that you've told Jeanette and Eleanor everything, because I know you haven't either." Alvin said.

"Stop it." I said darkly.

"I just want to know because you're my best friend. You've been my best friend since we barely started elementary school. And it's kinda hard seeing you like this." He said, and I knew he was truly mad at me.

I felt tears begin to rise. "Best friends or not, we can't tell each other everything."

And after that, Alvin remained silent for a whole minute, while I tried my best to fight back tears. "Why not?" He asked.

I looked back at Alvin, having no answer to his question. "I'm still myself, though."

He shook his head. "You don't seem like yourself."

I closed my eyes, then opened them again. "Are you mad at me?"

He looked at me, and he shook his head again. "No. Just..." He shook his head again, unable to finish his sentence.

I felt so insecure right now. "You don't need to know everything." I muttered.

He sighed. "I know. But, ever since that day when Theo, Simon and I came over for lunch, you didn't seem like the Brittany I know."

I felt so hurt inside. I just shook my head. "I just don't get why you want to know so badly."

"If something was bothering me, wouldn't you be concerned?" Asked Alvin.

I froze for a long time. Alvin didn't seem like that type of guy who was bothered by anything, but he was right. But I didn't say or do anything.

And one again, silence fell between us. Then we both heard the front door creak open again, and we both turned our heads towards it. Victoria peered inside.

"Um, Alvin?" She asked. "Are we going?"

Alvin looked at me and sighed. He turned back towards Victoria and said, "Yeah, sorry. I'll be there." He said.

Victoria smiled. "Okay." She said, and she disappeared out the door again.

But once again, the two of us remained silent for a long time.

"Just go." I whispered finally.

"What?" He asked.

I looked at the door. "Your date." I said. "Go."

Alvin hesitated for a moment, then sighed. He said nothing more to me, and he made his way to the front door, walked out, and closed it behind him.

I sat on the couch, breathing hard. I had that feeling where you wanted to pull your hair out of your head.

"DAMMIT!" I screamed, kicking my textbooks off the couch, making it scatter on the floor. And that's when I finally released my tears.

Why didn't I say anything? I had the chance to tell him the REAL reason to why I was upset.

_I love him._

And now I blew it.

I now regret not saying anything. I just wanted to let it out. I just wanted him to know. But at the same time, I was scared that he would know. I had the opportunity to tell him, but I missed it.

"God..." I cried, covering my face with my two hands. "What's wrong with me?"

I walked up and stormed into my bedroom, slamming the door behind me, making the walls shake. I fell into my bed, covered my entire body in my blankets and cried.

I listened to Miss Miller's advice.

I let him go.

I let him go because I love him.

Now he's off, falling in love with another girl.

* * *

**Sorry if the chapter was shorter than the others, but I hope you guys still liked this chapter, even though it was kinda sad... :( **

**And as I said before, the story is only beginning!**

**Thanks soo much for reading, and I hope you review! Thank you guys so much! :D**


	10. A good, yet bad idea

I gave up on crying 10 minutes later. What was the use? Alvin and Victoria were already going out, so there was no use to try and stop them. I wiped all my remaining tears on my blanket. I felt pathetic. I told myself that I should of said something to Alvin, but I knew that I didn't have the guts to do it. I was so scared to face him again. I knew he was mad at me, I knew he was confused, but I just couldn't tell him the reason.

I was afraid that he wasn't gonna talk to me again because of the way I acted tonight. But I knew I had to say something. I knew I had to apologize sooner or later.

I got up and walked out of the room to wash my tear-stained face. When I stepped foot into the living room, and saw the mess of my unfinished homework, I cussed under my breath, knowing I should get started on it soon. An hour later, Eleanor and Jeanette came back from the grocery store, as I was hurrying up to finish my paper work. But the anger that flooded my whole self still lingered in me.

"Hey, Britt." Said Eleanor. She eyed the textbook in my lap. "You're still not done?"

I sighed, not able to tell them what I went through for the past hour and a half. "I got...distracted."

"Well, you better hurry up and finish. We bought pizza for dinner." Said Eleanor, as the sudden aroma of pizza filled the room.

I shrugged. "It'll just be the 3 of us tonight for dinner."

"The 3 of us?" Asked Eleanor. "Where's Victoria?"

"She left." I said casually.

Jeanette walked out of the kitchen, and then noticed that the door to my dorm room bedroom was open. "She left?"

I just nodded.

"Where is she?" Asked Jeanette.

I felt heat rise up in my cheeks, but I tried my best to stay calm. I just looked at my sister, and casually said, "She's on her date."

"With Alvin?" Asked Eleanor.

I nodded again, barely moving my head at all though.

And to my absolute disgust, Eleanor said, "Oh, that's right! Their date was today! Aww, I hope she has a good time!"

Jeanette nodded. "Me too!"

I just stared at my sisters with silent outrage. Were they for real? I rolled my eyes, and stood up, and grabbed my homework from the couch.

"Where're you going?" Asked Jeanette.

"I can't concentrate with you guys talking so much." I fired.

"Well, don't you want dinner?" Asked Eleanor.

"No." I said and I walked back into my bedroom and closed the door behind me. I knew it was a bit mean saying that to my sisters, but I just couldn't stand it anymore. I plopped onto my bed, staring at the pieces of paper in front of my face. But I couldn't see anything except for the image of Victoria holding Alvin's hand, the way he looks into her eyes, and the fact that they were probably doing that right now at this very moment - a moment I could have _stopped_.

* * *

My alarm clock suddenly went off. I groggily opened my eyes. I felt something hard and uncomfortable under me. Then my eyes shot open. I sat up and stared at what I was sleeping on. Then I realized that I fell asleep on top of my homework - the homework I hadn't even finished. The homework that was due in an hour.

"Great..." I muttered as I shot out of bed, collecting the papers that were on the floor. That's it. I was dead. I piled up everything on my bed, telling myself to organize it after breakfast, and I sprinted out my room, and down the hallway and into the washroom. I took a quick shower, brushed my teeth, ran back into my room to get changed, and walked back out to go into the kitchen.

And that's when I heard my sisters' voices, along with the roommate's voice.

"So he took you out to dinner?" I heard Jeanette ask.

"Yeah, and it was so sweet." Victoria sighed. "He was so romantic."

"And then what did he say?" I heard Eleanor ask.

"Well, at the end of the night, he told me that he'd like to go out with me again!" Squealed Victoria.

"That's so cute!" Said Jeanette.

"And _of course _I said yes." Said Victoria, giggling.

I felt sick to my stomach. My ears felt like they were bleeding. I was rushing so much, I hadn't even noticed my roommate, and whether or not she was in the room. I slowly walked into the kitchen, pretending to be invisible. But that didn't last too long.

"Good morning Brittany!" I heard Victoria say.

I just looked at her and said a quick and plain, "Hi." I wanted no part of this conversation so I made myself a quick lunch, stuffed it in my bag, and stuck a piece of toast in my mouth for breakfast. I was just about to walk away when...

"Wait, where're you going?" Asked Jeanette.

"It's Monday. We have classes to go to, remember?" I asked, matter-of-factly, although I knew she didn't mean her question _that _way.

"I know that, but it's still so early!" Said Jeanette.

I sighed. "What's your point?" I asked in annoyance. I just wanted to get out of this house.

"Don't you wanna hear about Victoria's date with Alvin?" Asked Eleanor.

I turned to my sister, and for once, I wanted to jump on her in a violent sort of way. WHY THE HELL WAS SHE ASKING ME THAT? Oh, that's right. Because she doesn't know. But my sisters already know that I hate Victoria, so why the hell would they ask me a question involving her and her stupid life? But I just shook my head politely and said, "I'm in a bit of a rush. I have more _important_things to do."

"Oh. Want me to tell you about it later?" Asked Victoria sweetly.

_Wow, bitch. Really?_

But I shook my head. "No thanks." I said, and I walked back into my room, stuffed my homework into my bag, threw it around my shoulder, and walked out. I felt so angry at the moment. This day was not going well for me at all. I woke up, realizing I had slept through my homework, and now, I had to half-listen to my sisters awe about the date Victoria had with Alvin.

But right now, I just wanted to talk to Alvin. I wanted to say how sorry I was, but then I knew he was gonna ask me to tell him the real reason to why I was acting so not-myself lately, and I knew I couldn't say anything, so it may be a good thing to _not_talk to him just yet.

Actually, when I think of it, I'm not sure if I was ready to talk to him at all at this point.

I made my way out the door, and closed it behind me. Now what? Jeanette was right. It was still pretty early. But there's no way in hell I was gonna listen to the conversation my sisters were having with Victoria. I sighed, then remembered the unfinished work in my bag. Maybe, since I have time, I can go down to the classroom and work on it before the class actually started. That way, I had my work all completed, and I had something to do for the next 45 minutes.

I walked out of the dorm building, and crossed the courtyard into the actual college campus. I was walking down the hallway to my class, when I saw _him_.

Alvin was walking down the same hall as me, walking in the opposite way I was heading, which meant that he could of seen me. But his head was down, and his eyes were focused on his cell phone, which was in his hands.

I froze for a second, debating whether or not I should go say something to him. But I guess my feet made up their decision, and I went and ran into the opposite direction. I was sorta glad he didn't see me, but that meant I had to take another route to my class, and the shortest route took another 3 minutes to get there. I was now speed walking through the halls, afraid that Alvin would suddenly spot me, that I didn't even look where I was going.

And that's when I bumped into someone.

I fell to the floor, and my bag flew off my shoulder, making my books and papers scatter everywhere on the ground.

"Ouch." I muttered, rubbing my leg. Who was the stupid idiot who bumped into me?

"I'm sorry. Are you alright?"

I looked up, and a boy with chocolate brown hair and brown eyes was looking right down at me, holding a hand out to help me up. But I ignored it, and lifted myself off the ground. "Why don't you watch where you're going?" I fired.

"I'm sorry. I'll pay more attention where I walk next time." He said apologetically.

I started to feel a bruise form on my leg. Great...more to add on this _wonderful _day. I sighed. "Yeah, you should." I muttered.

"I didn't mean it." The boy said.

I told myself I really shouldn't take my anger out on people. I sighed. "No, it's alright."

The boy bent down, gathered up all my belongings, put them in my bag, and handed it right back at me. "Sorry about that."

I put my bag back on my shoulder. "It's fine." I said, and I was just about to turn and leave, when he said something again.

"Wait." He said.

I turned to him. "What?"

"What did you say your name was again?" He asked.

I just looked at him. "I didn't."

"Wanna tell me what you're name is, then?" He asked.

I raised my eyebrows. "Why should I?"

"So I can give you a proper apology." He said, smiling.

I couldn't help but smile at his politeness. "Why should I be the first one to tell you?"

"Good point." He reached his hand out towards me. "I'm Anthony."

I raised my eyebrows. "Um, okay..." I said, taking his hand and shaking it once. "And I'm Brittany?" I said, making it sound like a question.

He half smiled. "Well, I apologize for bumping into you, Brittany."

"Um, no problem...Anthony." I said awkwardly.

I raised my eyebrows. This guy seemed pretty nice. But considering the fact that I just met him - well, not really _met_ him - half a minute ago, probably didn't tell me much. I looked at the textbook he was holding in his hand. It said _'Science and Elements, level 10' _on it. I don't know why I felt so weird about that for a few seconds, but then something hit me like a train. Did he say his name was Anthony?

I tried to look through my brain, wondering why the name stood out to me so much. Why did that name sound so...familiar?

Then I think I recall, one night, when Alvin and I were talking. The two of us were just casually speaking about college, when we brought up 'roommates' as a topic. And that's when I remembered...

_"So, how's it going with your roommate?" I laughed to myself, remembering how Alvin complained about his new roommate being a complete nerd._

_Alvin rolled his eyes and sighed. "My roommate? Anthony?" He groaned. "You don't wanna know."_

_"Yeah? Try me." I said._

_Alvin said, "Well, it's like living with a human computer who's part human calculator. The guy can never shut up about these scientific things that I don't understand! I thought these kinds of people were only in movies! But I can't explain it, but you get it, right? It amuses Simon and Theodore that it annoys me so much. I'd be the one laughing if one of them had to share a dorm room with him. But no. I always get the crappy stuff."_

Anthony..._Alvin's_roommate.

I stopped, feeling shocked. Well, I didn't jump to conclusions at first because Anthony was a pretty common name, and he might not be the 'Anthony' I was thinking about. But I decided to ask him anyways, but I made sure I didn't ask him in the obvious ways.

"So, is it your first year here?" I asked, hating myself for starting the lamest conversation with a stranger.

He nodded. "Yup. First year of college."

Okay, that could be him. Then I said, "What are you taking?"

"Science and Mathematics." He said, holding up the book in his hand, and that's when I knew he was_ the _Anthony. But Alvin described him as a 'Human calculator' but the guy didn't look or dress like a typical nerd. In fact, he dressed like a normal teenage boy.

I nodded, pretending to act interested. Then I finally asked, "You're not, in any chance, living with 3 boys named Simon, Theodore..." I didn't want to say the final name. "...And Alvin, are you?"

He looked surprised. "In fact, I am." He said slowly, then he looked at me weirdly. "How did you know?"

I shrugged. "Lucky guess."

"Pretty good guess." He said, smiling again.

And when he smiled at me, an idea suddenly came to mind.

If Alvin was dating my roommate, what harm would it be to pretend to like his roommate? I wanted him to feel what I've been feeling for the last month. I wanted Alvin to fall in love with me, like how I am with him. Maybe, if I got to know Anthony better, something will work out between me and Alvin. Maybe Alvin will realize something more.

But then I looked at Anthony. He seemed like a nice guy, and I did feel a bit bad about the idea of using him, but I wanted Alvin to go through the hell I've been feeling. I wanted him to know that he made the wrong choice. I wanted him to know how it feels like to love someone you can't have.

I know it isn't right to use Anthony to get Alvin to fall in love with me, but I couldn't stop myself. It seemed like such a good, yet bad idea.

I want him to realize that falling for Victoria was a mistake. If I pretended to like Anthony, I want Alvin to notice. Then I want him to pick me. I want him to see how much I love him, and how I never intended to hurt him by not telling him anything. And I wanted him to feel _jealous_.

Then Anthony said, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how do you know Alvin, Simon and Theodore?"

"They're friends of mine." I said.

He nodded again. Then he said, "So, what are you taking?"

It was as if we already knew each other. Phase one, getting to speaking terms, check.

"Fashion designing." I answered.

He looked impressed. "Nice. That's near the art section of the campus, right?"

I nodded.

Phase two, getting to know him...

I smiled at him. "So, since you know where the building is, wanna walk me to class?"

He raised his eyerows for a moment, then smiled. "Sure."

_Check._

* * *

**Oh no. Brittany is such a...person user! xD**

**Do you guys think her 'plan' will work? And if it'll work, how will Alvin react? :O**

**But thanks for reading the chapter, guys! You guys are so very awesome :) And please please review! Thank youu!**


	11. The next step

Over the next week...

It was the following Monday. I've gotten to know Anthony more in the past week. Every day, since we met, he would walk me to class in the morning, and meet me after class so we could walk to the dorm campus together, where we said goodbye to each other, and went into our own dorms. Okay, I admit, it was pretty weird hanging out with Alvin's roommate, but then I told myself 'Hell with it.' He's dating my frickin' roommate, so why can't I pretend that I'm friends with his?

Despite how much of a horrible person this idea is turning me into, I keep telling myself that it'll all pay off at the end.

Still, I do feel bad about using Anthony. I mean, in the 7 days that I had getting to know him, I thought he was a pretty cool guy. He made me laugh, which is pretty rare because it's hard to make me laugh. Every now and then, he would say something science-related, but in a way, it was pretty interesting to learn about stuff he masters at. But when Alvin described him as a 'nerd' and a 'human computer, human calculator', he wasn't kidding. Anthony said he was the smartest kid in his class ever since he was 6. I know it may sound cocky, but it's true. He was the Valedictorian in his high school year as well. I was impressed.

I didn't know why Alvin was overly exaggerating over Anthony. Because honestly, he's the nicest and most genuine guy I've met in a long time. But speaking of Alvin...

I hadn't seen him face to face or talked to him ever since that night before his date with Victoria. I miss seeing him. But I didn't know if he was still mad at me or not. Because judging by the way we spoke to each other last week, we were both mad at each other. But I didn't care. I want Alvin to notice me with Anthony. I want him to feel the way I've been feeling. I want him to pick me.

"So, how exactly do you know Alvin, Simon and Theodore?" Asked Anthony, as we walked along the hallways to our dorm.

"Friends of the family." I said. "My sisters and I have known them since we were about 5."

"You guys went to the same schools?" He asked.

I nodded. "Yeah. Preschool, elementary, high school, and now college." I said. "So, how's it like having Alvin as a roommate?" I asked, wanting to amuse myself.

Anthony chuckled a bit. "I think he hates me."

I frowned because it reminded me of myself and my hatred towards Victoria. But I managed to look calm. "Oh? How can you tell?"

Anthony shrugged. "I heard him call me a nerd a million times, but I guess everyone calls me that." He said, and he shrugged again. "But I don't know. I just get the feeling that he hates me. I guess my first clue was when he said he wanted to kill himself when he found out we were sharing a dorm room."

I couldn't help but laugh. "Well, that's Alvin for you." I said.

He laughed too. "You seem like you know Alvin pretty well."

I felt the insides of my body freeze. But I shrugged. "I've known him for 15 years. Of course I know him well."

But believe me, it hurt me to say that.

We continued to walk through the corridors. And once we were about to walk around a corner, we bumped into someone.

"Oh, sorr-" I was about to apologize for bumping into the person, but once I saw who it was, I stopped.

Victoria was standing there. When I briefly bumped into her, I saw that she wasn't alone. I could of looked her straight in the eye, but I couldn't. Alvin stood right beside her.

She gasped. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry Brittany. I didn't see you."

I rolled my eyes for half a second so no one would notice, and then I shrugged. "Whatever, it's fine."

I wanted to avoid talking to anyone else, so I tried to move my feet to continue walking down the hall, but my feet didn't move.

And that's when _he _cleared his throat.

"Hey, Britt." Said Alvin softly, and I just had to look up. He was half smiling at me, like he knew I wasn't in the mood for talking. And he was right.

The last time I saw him, things just got complicated. I knew he was just looking out for me, but I just couldn't bring myself up to say something to him. Alvin was wearing his football jersey, so I assumed that he just had a practice or a game just now. I didn't want to see him, or talk to him right now, but at the same time, I missed him.

But what really made my blood boil was that he had an arm around Victoria.

"Hey." I said, quietly again. We locked gazes for a few seconds, but I looked away.

"How are you?" Alvin asked me, and I knew he meant more than that.

I didn't want to answer. Not only did I not want to talk to him right now, it was just plain awkward having a conversation with him with 2 other people right beside you. But I shrugged. "Fine."

And just when Alvin was gonna speak, Victoria said, "Oh, Brittany, you should have watched the football game!" She said, which explained why Alvin was in his football jersey. "Alvin is so good at playing."

My hands began to tremble, so I put them in the pockets of my sweater. I remembered when I was the one who always supported Alvin during his games in high school. Alvin would always tell me if there was an upcoming game, and I would always be sitting in the front row. And this was the first time _ever_that he didn't even bother to tell me to watch his game. It truly hurt me inside. And the fact that he told Victoria, and not me, just tore me up even more.

I saw Alvin crack a smile at her, and I looked away. "I had other things to do." I said.

Ugh, yeah, I felt like a complete bee-otch saying that, but I was hurt. I'm not usually a rude person, even to the people I highly dislike, but just the fact that Alvin didn't invite me, ME of all people, to watch his game, just broke me. It was as if he forgot about all those times I cheered him on in the past 4 years. Victoria was about to open her mouth to say something like _'Oh, that's tooooo baaaad_.' or something like that, but Alvin spoke first.

"I-I was gonna call you. I mean, Simon, Theodore, Jeanette and Eleanor went, but-" He said, but I cut him off.

"Jeanette and Eleanor went?" I asked.

He nodded. "Yeah. I guess Simon and Theo invited them." He said, and looked at me. "I was gonna call you and ask, but..." He stopped talking, unable to give me a reason.

I just looked at him. I knew why he didn't call me. But I didn't want to say it out loud with Victoria standing there.

He suddenly cleared his throat, changing the subject. "So...you two know each other?" He asked.

At first, I was confused. What was he talking about? But then I remembered the boy standing to my side. I almost forgot Anthony was there, and I almost forgot Alvin and Anthony knew each other.

I looked at Anthony, then I looked back at Alvin. "Yeah, we do."

"How?" Asked Alvin.

I wanted to ask him why it mattered to him, but Anthony said, "We kinda...bumped into each other last week. Like, literally bumped into each other."

I saw Alvin raise his eyebrows. "So, you two bumped into each other, and now you guys are friends?"

Again, I wanted to ask why it mattered to him so much, but then I remembered my plan. I nodded. "Yeah. We've been hanging out a lot this past week. Haven't we, Anthony?"

Anthony gave me a look for a second, then nodded his head and smiled. "Yeah."

I looked at Alvin, expecting to see a face that read jealously all over it, but he just shrugged and said, "Ah, I see."

I looked at him, and he smirked. I knew what he was thinking. _'Brittany, hanging out with a nerd? Worst combination ever.' _But I wanted to show him that he wasn't the only one who can date the other's roommate. Two can play at that game. But I hated how it was amusing him, like it wasn't bothering him at all...

"Who's this?" Victoria asked suddenly.

I rolled my eyes. How stupid.

"This is Anthony, my roommate." Said Alvin, and then he turned to Anthony. "And this is Victoria. My..." It was as if he struggled to find the words.

"Friend." Said Victoria, smiling, as usual. "I'm Brittany's roommate too, actually."

"Wow. What is it with roommates? Such a small world, isn't it." Said Anthony.

I saw Alvin smirk at Anthony's sudden geekiness. I felt my cheeks rise up in heat, asking myself why I always get embarrassed at worst times. The 4 of us continued to stand there for the next few seconds in total complete silence. It was so awkward, so I tried getting out of it. I was so thankful we were like, a few feet away from my dormroom. But of course, it sucked how Alvin and Anthony's dormroom were just a few doors away from mine.

"Um, it's almost 6. I should get going." I said, trying to avoid anymore talking. I looked at Anthony. "So, see you tomorrow?"

He smiled. "Yeah."

"Goodnight." I said. I smiled at him, without saying anything to Alvin.

Then Victoria spoke up. "I guess I should get going too. Nice meeting you, Anthony." She said. "Goodnight Alvin."

"Goodnight." He said, and Victoria followed me into our dorm, while Anthony and Alvin went back into theirs. I said nothing to Victoria as we entered the house. But 1 second after stepping foot into the dorm, I suddenly felt like I did something wrong. Like, I did something I didn't mean. As if I didn't only hurt _myself_, but someone else. I felt guilt pour all over me.

Why didn't I say anything to Alvin?

* * *

That night, when I was getting ready for bed, I still felt all the guilt eat me alive. I felt horrible. I felt like crap. I didn't know how to explain it, but when you get the feeling that you wished you could re-do something and do it, because you had hurt your best friend, it's just a terrible feeling on the inside. Although I wasn't sure if I had even hurt Alvin by ignoring him, I just wish I could speak to him now.

I was really starting to hate myself.

I was tying up my hair on my bed, getting ready to go to sleep, when Victoria came in. As usual, I would ignore her, and I would just go ahead and go to sleep, while she gets ready to go to sleep in her own bed. I snuggled into my blankets, and turned the light switch of my lamp off when she spoke to me.

"Hey Brittany?" She asked.

I sighed to myself, sat up, and looked at her. "Yeah?" I muttered.

"Well, I've been thinking..." She started to say, but somehow trailed off.

I waited for her to start speaking again, but it was as if she had a hard time finding the correct words to say. I waited for a few more seconds, and still, she said nothing.

I groaned. "Victoria, if you're not gonna say anything, I'm gonna go to bed." I said, grumpily, wanting to do _anything _but talk to her.

She looked at me. "Well...Alvin asked me out again yesterday."

I froze completely. I felt my whole body go numb, and my face heat up. My heart began to pound with anger and rage, but what really ticked me off was that she was telling me this, as if she knew I had my own thoughts against it. But I pretended it didn't bother me. But trust me, it took everything to keep my whole self still and to keep my emotions to myself.

"Okay, great." I said, in a voice that clearly stated my sarcasm.

But on the inside, I was screaming against my will.

Victoria half smiled, then she said, "I was just wondering if...you know..."

HOLY CRAP. JUST SPIT IT OUT. If she didn't say anything in the next 5 seconds, I will literally go there and slap the words out myself. And I wasn't kidding.

"...If you and Anthony would like to go with us." She said, and my mouth turned into a little 'O' while I raised my eyebrows. "Like, a double date."

I didn't say anything for a while.

"I mean, if you guys want to, that is." Said Victoria.

I finally regained myself, and said, "Okay, you do_ know _that Anthony and I aren't dating."

She nodded. "I know."

"So why would you ask me something like that?" I asked.

Victoria shrugged. "I don't know. It was just a suggestion."

Why would I want to go on a date with someone while Alvin and Victoria are there? I have so many reasons to this, but in all, it was not a good idea. But again...the whole reason to this was to get Alvin jealous that Anthony and I were hanging out. My idea was for him too see us together, and this was actually the perfect chance. But the scenario was complicated, and I didn't want to speak to Alvin for a while. It pissed me off that it didn't bother him that Anthony and I knew each other. And I was still hurt by the whole 'football' thing. I'm not usually an over sensitive person, but what Alvin did to me made me feel unimportant. So what difference will this 'double date' thing do?

I pondered to myself for a while, trying my hardest to say no. But in a way, it was the perfect idea.

I looked at Victoria. "When's the date?"

"This Friday." She said.

"Maybe." I sighed, hating myself for going with the answer I went with, because I knew 'Maybe' would turn into a yes.

Victoria gasped. "So that's a yes? You and Anthony will go?"

I felt like ripping something to shreds. She gets on my nerves _sooo _easily, it's not even funny.

I knew I had to talk to Anthony about this, but either way, I know he'll listen to me, and we'll go. But in the pit of my stomach, I had a bad idea about this, but at the same time, I didn't care. I can't continue to hate myself for seeing Alvin with Victoria.

It was _my _turn to reverse the feeling.

I looked at Victoria again. "Yeah, we'll go." I said, trying to fight back the feeling of turning back.

**...**

But that night, at around 2:00AM, I was still awake in my bed. I was thinking about what I just did. I don't know why I had a bad feeling about this. And before I knew it, I was regretting everything.

* * *

**I'm so sorry for not updating in over 2 weeks! But I hope you guys liked the chapter. I know this chapter was kinda boring, but trust me, it's all leading up to the next part of the story!**

**And I can't believe I have 99 reviews so far! So who's gonna be my 100th reviewer? hmmm... ;) So please review! And**** thanks for reading guys! **


	12. Excuses

4 days later...

To my absolute horror, it was Friday, which meant that it was the night of my 'double date' with Anthony, Alvin and Victoria. Ever since that night when I agreed to go on the date, I began to regret my desicion. I didn't want to do this anymore, but I didn't want to seem like a wimp for backing out. So as usual, I had no choice. I talked to Anthony about it last Tuesday, and to my surprise, he already knew about it. He said that Victoria asked Alvin, and Alvin told him, and so it was official. The 4 of us were having a group date.

I hate my life.

I didn't say a word about tonight's date for the whole week because I was dreading it. If I could redo time, I would do it in a split second.

I just came back from class a few minutes ago. I needed to take my mind off tonight's date so I went into the kitchen and ate. I didn't have breakfast or lunch today, so I was starving. Minutes later, Jeanette and Eleanor walked through the door, and came into the kitchen.

"Hey Britt." Said Jeanette as she put her bag on the floor, and began searching through the fridge.

"Hey." I said. I hardly spoke to my sisters all week. Since we were in college, we had a really tight social schedule, so it was pretty rare to find time to talk when you had so much homework and studying to do. But Friday was the only 'free' day we had.

"What's up?" Asked Eleanor, as she came and sat beside me.

I shrugged. My plan to keep my mind off of tonight was not working. "Nothing."

Jeanette pulled her head out of the fridge, and sighed. "Ugh, we need to stock up on more food." She grumbled. She pulled an apple from the fruit basket, then sat on the other side of me.

I took a bite of my sandwich, then got pretty self conscious. I felt my sisters' eyes on me. I slowly swallowed my food and looked at them. "What?"

"Nothing." Jeanette shrugged.

I rolled my eyes. It was clear that Jeanette and Eleanor we having a hard time keeping in their smiles. I glared at them. "Okay, what do you guys want?" I asked in annoyance.

Eleanor grinned at me. "Nothing."

"Sure." I muttered. I looked at Jeanette.

Jeanette giggled. "We told you. Nothing at all." She said, biting her lip to keep in her laughter. "Well, except for one thing..."

I rolled my eyes. "What?" I asked.

Eleanor looked at me, tauntingly. "Who's Anthony?" She asked, with a hint of mocking in her voice.

I gasped. I looked at my sisters with wide eyes. They both broke into laughing fits.

"How did you guys find out about that?" I groaned.

Jeanette laughed. "Don't take this the wrong way, Britt, but you're the LAST person I expected to go on a date with someone in college."

Eleanor nodded, while biting her lip to keep in her laughter. "Yeah. What happened to all the _'This is my dream. College is all about me' _stuff?"

I glared at them. "How did you guys find out about that?" I repeated, more sternly this time.

"Victoria." Said Jeanette.

I rolled my eyes. That bitch. "Whatever."

"Don't get so defensive, Britt." Teased Jeanette.

"I'm not." I fired.

"A group date too. With Alvin and Victoria, am I right?" Eleanor asked, clearly teasing.

I rolled my eyes. "Okay, whatever guys. I didn't have a choice, so you guys can stop laughing." I took a bite of my sandwich, then said, "And besides, I didn't want to be rude by backing out."

"So romantic, Britt." Jeanette said, smiling at me. "So, about this Anthony person..."

"What does he look like?" Teased Eleanor. "Is he cute?"

I looked at her in disgust. But honestly, I had no answer to that.

"Do you like him?" Taunted Jeanette.

"God, no." I fired.

Jeanette giggled. "Sure, sure."

I sighed out loud. "Anthony and I are just friends."

"Okay, Brittany." Said Jeanette, grinning at me. "Whatever you say."

"Isn't Anthony, Alvin's roommate?" Asked Eleanor.

I sighed, and nodded. "Yeah." I muttered, knowing what was coming at me.

Eleanor laughed. "Well. How in the world did that happen?"

"I'm pretty sure Victoria told you the whole story." I mumbled bitterly. "But who cares? It's not like I like him or anything." I said.

Jeanette started to laugh. "I feel bad for Tori and that Anthony guy."

"Why?" Asked Eleanor.

"Hello? Alvin and Britt are probably gonna argue the whole time there!" Said Jeanette, laughing.

I put my sandwich down, saying nothing. I suddenly felt hurt when Jeanette said that, because she was wrong. Alvin and I hardly talk to each other, the way we use to before. And it's all my fault. It's all my fault because I'm in love with him.

And it hurts so damn much to love him because he _doesn't even know_.

I sighed. "What exactly did Victoria say anyways?" I said, noticing that my voice became quieter.

"Well, she said something about you, her, Alvin and some guy named Anthony going on a double date. And then we asked who's Anthony, and then she said that he's a boy you hang out with." Said Eleanor.

I groaned. "He's just a friend, gosh!"

"We never said anything about him not being a friend, so chill Britt." Said Jeanette, trying to keep in her laughter.

I groaned to myself, asking why I put myself in this position in the first place anyways? Sometimes life can be unfair. For me? My life is always unfair.

I stood up, and left my sandwich on the table. "You guys are so annoying." I said. "I'm gonna go take a shower." And I began making my way to my bedroom to get a new change of clothes, when my sisters spoke again.

"Aww, Britt. We were just kidding." I heard Eleanor say.

"Yeah. It was just a joke!" Said Jeanette.

But I said nothing because to me, this whole 'date' thing with Alvin, Victoria and Anthony was no joke. It was no joke at all.

**...**

It was 6:00PM. Alvin and Anthony would be picking us up in a few minutes. I sighed. I know it sounds pathetic but tonight would be my very first date. Yeah, I'm an 18 year old who's never gone on a date. Sounds pretty lame when you think about it, but growing up, I was never really the type. And tonight's date was just a fluke. If Victoria had never asked me, then I would of remained date-less.

But I've seen the shows, where the girls dress up and do all that crap to get ready for a date. So sadly, that's what I did. I changed into a cropped jacket with a flowery summer dress underneath, with white leggings and ballet flats. And I just kept my hair in a simple ponytail. And let me tell you, I felt ridiculous.

I was sitting on the couch, pondering about how badly things may go, when Victoria walked out of the bathroom and stood in my view. She wore a black skirt with a white blouse, and her hair was let down. I sighed to myself again. What did I do? What the hell am I getting myself into?

"So. Are you excited?" She asked me, clearly excited herself.

I looked at her. I'm sure my face read 'What the hell are you asking me that for?'. But I shrugged. "Not exactly."

"Oh, come on Brittany. It'll be so much fun!" Victoria squealed.

I wanted to tell her that there was honestly no problem, except for HER, but I decided to keep my mouth shut.

"Ugh, they're gonna be here any second, but I really need to use the bathroom quick. If they knock, tell them that I'll be there in a few seconds. Thanks." She said, and without giving me a chance to say no, she bolted into the washroom.

For the next few moments, I wasn't feeling too well. I wasn't sick or anything, but I sure felt like I was. But then I was literally saved when I heard the sounds of knocking coming from the front door. But then I started to feel sick again.

I cursed under my breath. "Great..." I said, and got up. I walked over to the door, and froze.

Why was I shaking?

I closed my eyes, trying to get rid of the dizziness, then opened them, and open the door. My heart stopped beating for a moment, but then it restarted again. I suddenly felt all warm inside, as if _his_golden brown eyes heated me up in one simple gaze. Alvin stood there, looking at me.

None of us said anything for the longest 5 seconds of my life, but then he smiled. "Hey."

I almost forgot how to speak. "Hi. Um..." I gulped, and changed the subject. "Um, come in."

I moved out of the way and he stepped in. I looked at him as he walked in. I knew he was still trying to figure out what was wrong with me and my behaviours, but he kept his thoughts to himself tonight. But I knew he was having a hard time keeping it in. He turned and faced me, giving me that charming smile of his that literally made me hurt inside. "I'm glad you could come, Britt."

I felt my cheeks heat up. But on the inside, I was screaming, 'No, wrong boy. Wrong boy!' I wanted my plan to work, so I had to pretend I like Anthony. But speaking of that...

"Thanks." I mumbled. I cleared my throat. "Where's Anthony?"

He shrugged. "He was being too slow, so I went ahead to get you girls." He said.

I nodded and cleared my throat. "So, um...where're you taking us?"

Ugh, I sounded so lame. The way Alvin and I talk to each other, it was as if we had just met each other, as if we hadn't been friends for 15 years. But we have been friends for 15 years, but we were speaking to each other like total strangers.

Alvin smiled at me. "To dinner."

His answer wasn't very precise, but I just nodded.

Alvin nodded akwardly too. Then it was quiet, before Alvin looked at me again. "You look beautiful, by the way."

I looked at him, and I felt the air around me get thin. I bit my lip to prevent myself from saying things I may regret later on. I felt my heart pound, like it literally wanted to jump out of my chest. "Thanks." I said quietly.

I was expecting him to ask where Victoria was, but then I heard a knock on the door again. And for a moment, Alvin and I locked gazes for about 3 seconds, as if all the noise in the world was blocked out, as if _he_could read my mind. But I released myself. "One moment." I said as I turned around, and opened the door. Anthony stood there, smiling at me.

"Hi." I said.

He stepped into the house. "Hey." He said. "You look...wow."

I smiled, but for some reason, it didn't feel special enough. It didn't make me feel special. It didn't feel the same when Alvin called me beautiful. But then I told myself that that was okay, because I wasn't suppose to feel anything for Anthony. "Thanks." I said.

Then I heard a click from the washroom door, and Victoria came out. The smell of vanilla filled the room. I felt sick.

She gasped. "Hey guys!" She said, walking over to Alvin. And I just had to look away when Alvin put an arm around her.

"So, shall we go?" I heard Alvin ask.

"Yeah, let's go." Anthony said. Alvin and Victoria walked out the room first. I continued to look at the floor, before Anthony called my name. "Brittany, come on. Let's go." He said, smiling at me.

I just nodded. And then Anthony put an arm around me, and without knowing, I backed away. He looked at me weirdly. I didn't mean to offend him, but it just didn't feel right.

"S-Sorry." I mumbled. "I'm not cold."

I'M NOT COLD? Jeez, that was the lamest excuse I've ever come up with.

But Anthony smiled and nodded again. "No problem. So, come on."

I nodded, wishing I was anywhere but in this situation right now. I walked out with him, and I locked the front door behind me.

The car ride there was the most horrible experience I've ever gone through. Alvin was driving, and Anthony was in the passenger seat, while Victoria and I were sitting in the back. Victoria would laugh at every single thing Alvin said, making stupid flirty comments along the way. Then Alvin and Anthony got into a conversation, and Victoria just had to jump in. I said nothing throughout the whole ride there. I just stared out the window, wondering if I could just jump out and go back home - home with Miss Miller.

But I didn't. We arrived there several minutes later. The restaurant we went to looked nice on the inside and out, but that didn't lift my spirits up any more. We went in and took a seat, Alvin and Victoria on one side, and me and Anthony on the other. But Alvin and I sat right across each other. I knew he was trying to get me to talk, but I avoided his eye contact the whole time. Then our food finally arrived 10 minutes later, but I wasn't feeling hungry.

The date didn't go as bad, but I still regretted my decision to come here. Victoria was giggling and cuddling up against Alvin the whole time, and it just made me sick. I felt bad that Anthony got dragged here because of me, but it seemed like he didn't mind. It actually looked like he was having a great time. But I was the only one who didn't. I wanted to leave. But I kept my mouth shut 99% of the time.

"Brittany? Brittany?"

I looked up. All 3 of them were staring at me. I looked at Victoria, who called my name. "What?"

"We're leaving now." She said.

I looked at the time on my phone. It was almost 7:45. I didn't realize an hour and a half went by so quickly, but I was relieved. "Oh. Okay."

I knew Alvin was trying to contain himself. I know him too well. He hates it when he doesn't know what's going on. It literally makes him go nuts. And I could just feel it too, that he wants to find out. I knew he was frustrated, but I did everything it took to avoid him.

I sighed. "May I be excused? I just need to use the bathroom for a sec."

Anthony and Victoria nodded, but Alvin sat still. I looked at him, and his eyes were hard. And I knew he almost had enough. He wants to know. I know it's been killing him for the past few weeks, and I hate hurting him like this, but in a way, he deserves it. He's hurt me emotionally. I know he's oblivious to everything, but I can't stand everything that's going on in my life anymore.

I said nothing else, and got up and went into the ladies room.

I stared at myself in the mirror. Then I closed my eyes. I sighed deeply. What did I get myself into?

I thought this would be a good way to get Alvin _jealous_. But it didn't seem to work on him at all. In fact, it seems to have affect on _me_.

I just stood there, staring at myself in the mirror for who knows how long? 2 to 3 minutes, maybe? I hung my head down, letting my hair fall, when I heard the door open behind me. I thought it would be some other lady wanting to use the bathroom, but I was wrong.

I looked up, and stared past my reflection in the mirror.

Alvin stood at the door, looking back at me.

* * *

**Oh no, what's gonna happen? D: **

**Poor Alvin. He must be going insane by now D: Why can't Brittany tell him? You guys will just have to wait... ;)**

**Thanks to EVERYONE who's reviewed so far! It means so much, but a special congrats to mrs. alvinseville for being the 100th reviewer! :)**

**Thank you guys for reading! Please please reivew! Thankyouu!**


	13. Words

I broke gazes with him from the mirror, and slowly turned arond, facing him now. His face was hard. His mouth was in a hard, straight line, like he was trying to figure me out. Like he was frustrated, like he just had enough.

And I knew all my theories were right. I knew Alvin was having a hard time not knowing why I was acting like this. It literally drives him mad. Anyone who knows Alvin knows that he can't stand not knowing stuff, and especally when it comes to people like me - his _best friend_.

I looked at his face for one second, but then I dropped my gaze to the floor.

"Alvin, what are you doing?" I asked softly.

"Trying to find out what the hell has gotten into you lately." He answered.

I paused. "Well first of all, you're in the ladies washroom." I said, trying to put humor in our conversation, but for once, Alvin didn't find it funny. I sighed. "Alvin, look..."

"No, Britt." He said, and he sighed. "Stop trying to deny that there's nothing wrong with you, because I know there is."

I took a deep breath. "There's noth-"

"I believed you the first time." He said. "But I'm not gonna believe you anymore."

"I don't get why you want to know so badly." I said quietly.

Alvin took a long pause before sighing. "I'm worried about you, Brittany."

I looked up at him, my face full of confusion.

"You don't seem like the girl I know." He said. "You act so differently. It's like...it's like I hardly know you anymore."

I looked away, feeling like everything inside me collapsed. I didn't blame Alvin, because as he said, he was worried about me. But there's nothing wrong with me - except for the fact that I love him. And that everyday, I go through hell just by loving him - falling in love with him.

"And I just want to know why." He ended off, quietly.

I sighed. This felt like another repeat of the previous week, when Victoria and Alvin went on their date. Alvin and I had this exact talk. He said that I didn't seem like myself, and that he can tell that something is on my mind. But I tried my best to lie, but I knew I was only fooling myself.

"Alvin, I don't want to go through this again." I said.

"Then tell me, Britt." He said. "Please."

I looked down, and gulped. The words 'I love you' were so close to escaping my lips, but I held it in. I walked towards him slowly and looked at him. "I can't tell you."

He stared at me hard. "Why not?"

"You won't understand." I said.

"Brittany..."

I looked at his face, and straight into his eyes. "I just can't tell you." I tried saying, but it came out as a whisper.

He sighed again, frustrated. He looked at me for a moment before looking away to the floor. "Can I ask you something? And please, tell me the truth this time."

I gulped, and nodded.

"Is there really something bothering you?" He asked.

I sighed. "Yes."

"So you've been lying to me the whole time?" He said, looking at me again.

I looked up at him, realizing how bad he's making me sound. "Yes, but...But I had to."

"Why, Britt? Why can't you tell me?" He asked.

My lips began to tremble. I couldn't take this pressure anymore. I couldn't take him asking anymore questions, because sooner or later, those 3 words might just spill out of my mouth accidentally. And right now, as much as it was against my will, telling him that I love him was the last thing I wanted to do right now. I couldn't take it anymore. And once you were arguing with Alvin, there is no easy escape. I just had to do one thing. And just thinking about it, hurt me.

"What is it about this _thing _you're keeping that makes it a big deal?" He continued, and I could tell he was getting frustrated. "And why, of all reasons, can't you tell me?"

"I don't tell you everything, you know." I muttered biterly.

He looked at me. "Yes you do, Britt. I tell you everything too. We've told each other everything our whole lives. Don't you remember?"

I closed my eyes and looked away. I was about to cry, because I was so hurt. I was hurt because he was right. All our lives of knowing each other, we've told each other everything. That's why we're best friends. But just saying that we don't, in front of him, killed me because it was the farthest away from the truth.

"I know, okay!" I said, and it sounded like a whine. I looked at him, and I could feel tears running down my cheek. "I know we tell each other everything, but-"

"Then why can't you tell me?" He exclaimed.

"I-I..." I stuttered, but no words came out. I took a deep breath. "I just _can't _tell you."

"You don't trust me." He said.

"I-I-I do, but..." I whispered, unable to continue speaking.

I had to say something, anything, so I could just leave this conversation. I just had to say something that'll make him stop talking, to make him stop asking me these questions. Because once I told him the real reason to my lies, he would never look at me the same. And I don't want to lose him.

"Why are you lying to me, Britt?" He asked quietly, but his face was serious.

I exhaled through my mouth, tired of all the pressure getting pushed down on me. Because if I didn't do anything soon, the truth would come out.

"Just stop." I whispered, and I felt my heart break into pieces.

He stared at me. "I'm not gonna stop until you tell-"

"Stop!" I said again. I closed my eyes, and opened them again to look at his face. "Just stop, Alvin!" I said, raising my voice a bit higher. I felt all the blood and heat go to my cheeks as Alvin fell silent. "Just stop with all these questions, because honestly, it's getting pretty tiring to listen to!" I snapped. "Last time I checked, I wasn't annoying you! So will you just QUIT annoying me, and mind your own business?"

He just continued to stare at me, as I kept on throwing false words at him. I didn't know how to continue. All these words I was saying to him were extremely hurtful and untrue, but I had no other choice...

"Okay, I get it. You're worried about me, but I already told you I can't tell you! I already said no! Can't you EVER take 'no' for an answer, Alvin?" I exclaimed at him. "You're so use to getting whatever you want, and once you don't get it, you get all angry. And that's how you're acting right now, and it's seriously starting to piss me off."

He just stood there, looking at me like he couldn't believe what was coming out of my mouth.

"You don't need to know EVERYTHING, you know." I fired at him. "So stop trying to act all macho and all superman-ish, trying to be the good guy, wondering why the hell his _friend _is acting so down lately, because you're not!"

He just stared at me, hurt and confused. Never in my life have I said words to him this harsh. But I don't mean it, not at all. I just had to say something...something for him to stop asking me why I haven't been acting like myself - and before I told him I was in love with him.

"Brittany, I-"

I cut him off. "Because you're being everything but that! Do you think I like it when you ask me what's wrong with me? Because it makes me feel like I'm stupid or something! It makes me feel like you THINK I'm stupid. You're just getting on my nerves, and sometimes, I wish you could just leave me the f-ck alone!"

I stared at him hard, biting my lips to prevent myself from crying. My face felt so hot, but I felt so ice cold inside.

Alvin remained as he was.

I looked at him. "And sometimes, when you talk, I just wish you could learn how to shut up!" I breathed hard. "And I thought you were my best friend. Friends actually help each other, not pressure them and ask them questions like this! And right now, you're NOTHING like my best friend!"

"Britt, I'm-"

I cut him off. "In fact, I HATE you right now!"

My voice echoed through the bathroom. Thankfully, we were alone. I felt my heart jump as the untrue words rung in my ears. I didn't look at his face, because I knew I had hurt him. Because once I took the slightest glance at him, I'll probably begin to cry and regret what I said. But after a few seconds of silence, I wanted to send myself to hell. What did I do?

And now, I wanted to tell him that I didn't mean those words at all, but I couldn't. I just couldn't.

It was silent for about 30 seconds more before Alvin spoke up. "I-I'm sorry, Britt. I was just trying to-"

"No." I whispered, shaking my head. "Just stop, please."

"Look, I didn't mean to offend-"

"Just stop, Alvin!" I said, looking at him, my eyes suddenly filled with tears again. I couldn't believe I had said such harsh words to him. And I wasn't going to start another conversation with him, because I was beginning to regret my words to him, but I just had to keep them, as if I really did mean them.

He stood there for another few seconds, and he gulped. He opened his mouth, then closed it again, as if he was afraid I would saying something when he spoke. He looked away from me. I couldn't tell if he was hurt or angry or if he just didn't want to make me mad. And that's when I felt guilty again. Extremely, painfully guilty.

It was silent for about a minute and a half, when my lips began to tremble as I looked at him. I gulped. "Alvin..." I whispered, but he didn't move. "I-I'm sorry, I-"

"We'll wait for you outside." He said quietly, cutting me off. "I'll tell Victoria and Anthony you need a minute." He said, and without looking at me again, he walked out the washroom.

And once he left, I broke into tears. It only occured to me now how harsh those words were, even though I didn't mean it. I personally knew I went too extreme on the insults, but I didn't have another choice. But the fact that I hurt him, killed me. I wanted to do anything BUT hurt him. I, personally, would never hurt anyone - especially to those who I love.

And I had just hurt the one I truly loved - The one I was truly, truly in love with.

But as of now, I didn't care about anything else. I didn't care if Victoria and Anthony were wondering where I disappeared to, I didn't care if Alvin told them I was crying, I just didn't care. All I wanted now was to call my mom. I needed to hear Miss Miller's voice again, I needed to talk to her, to tell her that I can't handle this anymore - I needed to tell her that I was in love with Alvin Seville.

I stopped crying 2 minutes later, and I washed my face, letting all my makeup go down the drain. I didn't want to face Alvin again, but I told myself to just contain myself, and to act as if nothing had happened. I walked out of the washroom minutes later, only to find Victoria there.

"Brittany, finally." She said. "Are you okay? Alvin told us you just needed time for yourself."

I sighed and nodded. "Where are they?" I asked. It stung to even think about him.

"Over there." She said, pointing behind her. "They're paying for dinner."

Seconds later, they walked back to us. I was hoping Alvin didn't take the words I said to him too personally, because he was just that type of guy who didn't. But I had a strong feeling that he really thought I had meant those words. When he and Anthony came back, Alvin didn't say anything, or even look at me. And that's when I knew I _had _hurt him. I took a deep breath, feeling the tears form around my eyes. And I was still hating myself for hurting him like that in the first place.

Anthony smiled at me. "So, shall we go now?"

I nodded, wanting to leave as soon as we got here. And the entire car ride back to campus was totally opposite as the ride coming here. It was silent, and the pressure and guilt got 50 times heavier on me. Anthony and Alvin said goodnight to us - well at least I think Alvin said goodnight to me - and we all went into our dorm room.

It was now 8:25PM. I couldn't speak to my sisters when they asked me how it went, and I automatically went to bed. This guilt that I was feeling was the worst feeling I've ever experienced. And it literally made me feel like crap. Why was I turning into some kind of...monster?

I sighed, as I tossed and turned in my bed. I don't know why I went to bed so early. It was probably because I despised myself so much right now, I didn't deserve anything but isolation.

If I really did hurt Alvin, I would never be able to live up to myself again, and I would never EVER forgive myself.

I looked at the time on my phone. It was now 9:10PM. I heard voices outside the bedroom door.

"So, how did your guy's dates go?" I heard Eleanor ask.

"It went pretty good, actually." Said Victoria.

"That's good to hear. So...Is Brittany alright?" Asked Jeanette, failing her attempt at keeping her voice down so I couldn't hear.

"Yeah, I was wondering about that too. She hardly said a word to us when you two arrived, and she went straight into the room." Said Eleanor. "Is she okay?"

I heard a long pause and no one spoke for a while. After 5 seconds or so, Victoria answered, "Well, I hope she is. I mean, she was fine earlier...she went to the bathroom and didn't come back for a long time. She seemed really upset about something. I wanted to ask, but I thought it would be rude. Alvin said she just needed to be alone for a while."

"Hmm, sure sounds like Brittany." Said Eleanor, and I rolled my eyes. "But...how did Alvin know?"

"Dunno. He went and talked to her, and when they came back, they both seemed really...quiet." Said Victoria. "But I don't know. You two told me that Alvin and Brittany argue a lot, so I guess there's nothing to be worried about."

I blocked the rest of their conversation out of my head. I just couldn't listen to it anymore. Ugh, Victoria sounded so fakely sweet and innocent when she said, _'Oh, I hope she is blah blah blah.'_ But that wasn't the thing that concerned me right now.

Anyone who knows me and Alvin, know that we argue a lot. And we do, I can't deny it. But when Alvin and I fight, it was more like a brother against sister type of thing. But this...this seemed different. And after what's happened tonight, he hasn't even looked at me, or even said a word to me. That has never EVER happened in our history of fights. And trust me when I say that Alvin and I have fought a LOT.

And I can sense that he's trying to avoid me. Like...like he hates me.

Like when I said I hated _him._

I fell back on my pillow, staring at the ceiling. I closed my eyes, and tears dripped out, running along the side of my cheek.

Alvin thinks I hate him.

I thought back to the cruel harsh _false _words I said to him earlier. I said it for my own good - before he found out the truth. I didn't mean those words, and I thought it was a good choice to say them. But I never thought it would end up like this.

"What did I do?" I cried, turning myself around and burying my face in my pillow, releasing tears.

Everything that happened tonight was all my fault.

Not only did I hurt Alvin, I tore up our friendship.

But despite all that, I'm still in love with him, and nothing can ever change that. But it was more like agony than infatuation.

Words like the ones I said tonight tend to stick to a person for a long time. And it hurt on the inside to know that I caused that pain to someone I love.

And I know he'll never look at me the same way.

Because I think I just lost my best friend.

* * *

**Hmm, I wonder what's gonna happen now... :(**

**You guys are just way too awesome, like the word 'awesome' can't even cover it! Thanks so much to everyone who's read and reviewed this story so far! And trust me, this story is FAR from finishing! **

**I have so many plans and ideas for this story. You guys will be in for a shock for the upcoming chapters (I hope! LOL) So I am really really excited to share it with you all! **

**But thanks for reading this chapter! And please please review! Thank you!**


	14. Thinking about him

One week later...

It was now in the first week of October. The temperature was going down, and it was starting to get a bit chillier during the day.

In one month, everything changed for me.

It's also been a week since Alvin and I had that fight, where everything ended badly. I said some words to him I highly regret, because I know I've hurt him. In the past week, I haven't even seen him, or even heard of him, and it just murdered me on the inside to know that I was the cause of that. And I was afraid that he would never speak to me again.

I usually wasn't the one wanting to apologize, because I was never the apologizing type, but this was different. I needed to say sorry to him because I wanted to, and I wanted him to forgive me. Because what I said to him last week was basically unforgivable, but Alvin just needed to know.

I also began to notice that Victoria has been spending more time with Alvin over the past week. I mean, after class, she'd come back saying that she and Alvin were going to the movies or whatever, and that hurt me even more. So I've been ignoring my blonde airhead of a roommate for the past week - more than I was before.

But it sucks to know that the person you love, doesn't love you back. And I love Alvin, I'm in love with him - that's why it's so hard to love him, because he loves someone else.

And this all happened because of the word _hate_.

But I've been doing my time, too. I've spent all week with Anthony. Everyday would be the same - In the mornings, we'd meet each other by the main hallway, and he'd walk me to class, and he'd walk me back to my dorm after class too. But I've gotten to know him better outside of class time too. He was probably the nicest guy I've met, which was weird, because it was hard to become friends with someone like me, but Anthony was just a friendly by nature guy. And that's how I think we became friends. And as I mentioned before, I SUCK at math, but Anthony's been helping me on my homework, which unfortunately, involved math.

But I felt so weird around Anthony at times. I act like a totally different person when I hang out with him. I laugh more, I talk more, and I just feel like myself, like I'm not afraid to say anything without being judged. When I come to think of it, Anthony's the only 'friend' I've made around here ever since we came to college. Because in my 18 years of my life, I have never had a friend who was a guy - besides Alvin and his brothers, of course - who I could laugh with, and just casually chat with about everyday stuff.

Because I did all of that with Alvin.

But as of now, I'm not even sure Alvin and I are friends anymore. And that's what kills me.

And it's weird because Anthony and I met each other about 2 weeks ago. And now, we sort of feel...close. Like we've been friends for a long time...

It was a couldy Friday evening. The sun was at it's point where it was just about to set. I just got out of class because of a huge-ass presentation that happened today, which was 2 hours long. I think I fell asleep through most of it though. But before class ended, my professor assigned us a bunch of homework that was to be handed in on Monday.

Anthony and I were sitting on a picnic table in the courtyard, him helping me on my homework again, mainly because I needed the help.

Anthony sighed out loud. "Convert it to _centimeters_, Brittany. Not _meters_."

I rolled my eyes, as I began to erase my work on the paper. "I don't get what the difference is."

He laughed. "Oh, there's a huge difference, alright."

I eyed him. "Are you calling me stupid?"

He chucked. "Just do it."

"How about this." I said, pushing my worksheet towards him. "How about _you _do all of it for me instead."

He looked at me in disbelief. "And what are you gonna do?"

"I'll watch." I answered simply.

He rolled his eyes and pushed the papers back towards me. "Nice try."

I groaned. "Just help me, please? This stuff's due on Monday, and I don't get anything!"

"I already explained it to you a trillion times!" Exclaimed Anthony.

"Then explain better." I said.

"You're kinda impossible to deal with sometimes." He said, jokingly.

I said nothing for about 3 seconds, feeling my heart drop. Not because of what he said, but of what it _reminded _me of. I sighed, tucking in my papers into my textbook, and shutting my textbook close. "You know what? Fine. I give up. I'll do it tomorrow."

"Hmm, and lemme guess. You're gonna put it off til Sunday night?" He asked, grinning.

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever." I said, before I cracked a smile.

But behind my smile was a face that showed pain and agony. The only reason I stopped arguing with him was because it reminded me of the way Alvin and I use to argue. The way we fought, and annoyed each other, but knowing the other one was kidding. It just didn't feel right to argue with Anthony like this...it was as if Alvin was the only one I _can _argue with, and no one else. Because I've lived my entire life, arguing with Alvin, and I was use to arguing with him, and _only _him...my best friend, the boy I love...

A sudden breeze of cold air flew past us, making me shudder because I was only wearing a T-shirt with jeans.

I'm sure Anthony noticed because he asked, "Should we go in now? It _is _getting pretty cold."

"Yeah, let's go." I said, stuffing my homework in my bag, and swinging it around my shoulder.

We both walked across the field, into the campus building, and up the stairs to our floor. When we arrived at my dorm's door, my thoughts automatically went back to last week, during the date. I've tried my best not to think back about it, when I said those words to Alvin, the way he looked at me, the guilty pounds of my heart, and the way I hated myself for hurting him. Because I just didn't know how to fix it up anymore. But I've been too busy thinking about that, that I had almost forgot about my 'date' to last week's date - Anthony.

I honestly felt so horrible about my behavior last week. I mean, I hardly said a word all night, I ran off into the washroom, having a fight with my best friend, and returning in tears. I felt bad that I treated Anthony like he wasn't even there. And I've been treating myself badly lately as well, so I needed to take my mind off of Alvin for a while, and I had to do something to make up for the poor excuse of a date I ruined last week. Because Anthony has been nothing but a friend to me. He's basically the only person I can talk to without feeling like I have to watch what I say. And he was a nice guy, so there was no harm.

And even though it felt so weird to do this, it also felt so..._right_.

"Thanks for er...helping me on my homework tonight." I said.

He laughed. "No problem." He said. "Well, goodnight."

I was debating for a second, whether or not I should ask, but the words slipped out before I could stop myself. "Wait, um...look," I sighed. "I-I feel really bad about the way our double date with Victoria and...Alvin went." I said, feeling the insides of my body scrunch up when I said his name.

Anthony smiled. "It's okay. No big deal."

I sighed to myself. "No, I seriously feel like crap about the way I acted." I breathed in deeply. "So, I'd like to make it up to you."

He raised his eyebrows. "How?"

I bit my tongue, then said, "Well, I was thinking that you and me should grab lunch one day."

"Oh." He said, and smiled. "Yeah, that'd be great."

I looked at him, wondering if I was doing the right thing. "Yeah? Oh, okay then. So, Saturday next week then?"

He nodded and smiled again. "Yeah, sure. I'll pick you up." He said. "So, where do you wanna have lunch?"

Crap. I hadn't even thought of that. "Um, you pick. It doesn't matter." I said.

"Alright, then." He said. "So, see you Monday?"

I nodded. "Yeah, see ya."

"'Night." He said, smiling, and he walked back down the hall to his dorm.

I got my keys and opened the door to my dorm. It didn't seem like my sisters or Victoria were home yet, so I plopped on the couch and just sat there. I wasn't thinking about the date I just planned with Anthony, but I was thinking about Alvin. Where was he now? Was he still angry at me? Upset? I knew he always came back to his dorm late because of football practice, and I could just run downstairs to the field to go talk to him. But 90% of me was too afraid to. And I was. I was afraid to face him because I missed him.

But I'm always forgetting that Alvin and Anthony are roommates. And I wonder if Alvin is beginning to notice that Anthony and I have been hanging out a lot lately...

"God, you're being stupid." I told myself. Why in the world would Alvin care? He doesn't love me, the way I love him...and he never will.

It was the following Saturday. This week has been the longest and more painful week of my life. Not because I was dreading the date with Anthony, which I'm not, because I think it's a good idea to get out of the college campus for a while, and not stress about stuff. But it was painful because I hadn't seen Alvin for 2 weeks.

The last time I saw him, I was in tears, yelling at him, telling him that I _hated _him.

I wanted to ask Anthony about him, since they were roommates, but again, I just couldn't. And I wanted to see him. The only times when I heard about him was when Victoria talked about him, saying how _cute _and_ talented _Alvin was when he played football. And that angered me. I had enough of that girl, but I wasn't gonna start a fight.

I wanted Alvin to love me, not her.

It was 12:30PM when Anthony picked me up at the door. I didn't dress all fancy or anything, because I was just having lunch with a friend. I was just casually dressed in jeans, and a cardigan sweater. We were walking downstairs to the parking lot, when we spotted Simon. It'd been a few weeks since I'd seen Simon or Theodore. And it was good seeing them, but I was missing their eldest brother the most.

I think it's illegal to miss someone this much. But knowing that I had hurt Alvin, and not seeing him for 2 weeks straight, made me miss him dangerously. But the worse part of it was not knowing how much I had hurt him.

"Hey Simon!" I said.

He looked up from the stack of papers he had in his hand. "Oh, hey Brittany." He looked at Anthony, and raised his eyebrows. And that's when I remembered he had no idea that I was friends with his roommate. But he decided not to ask, and said, "Where're you two going?"

"Just out to lunch." Anthony said.

"Oh, cool. Well, I have to run. Gotta sign all of this before the main office gets crowded. It gets crazy on weekends." Said Simon, holding up the pieces of paper. "See you guys later."

I nodded, a bit upset because I was wishing he had said something about Alvin, but I didn't get my hopes up anyways. "'Kay, see ya." I said, before Simon walked off.

The insides of my mind and body were exploding. I hadn't seen Alvin for 2 weeks, and I just wanted to know how he was doing, and whether or not he had said something about last week, and whether he felt like forgiving me about saying those hurtful words to him. I had enough, and I wanted to know.

"Um, Anthony?" I asked, and I stopped walking.

He stopped to look at me. "Yeah?"

"I...I think I forgot something upstairs." I lied. "I just need to run and get it. It'll take a minute, I swear."

He nodded. "Sure. I'll wait for you in the car." He said, and he walked into the parking lot and into his car.

And right when he disappeared into his car, I turned around and sprinted through the school, trying to find Simon. I know he couldn't of gone very far, but Colleges tend to have a million hallways, and staircases, leading to different sections of the campus. But I sighed in relief when I finally spotted a familiar blue sweater, only a few feet away from where I was.

"Simon!" I called.

He turned around, and stopped walking. "Hey." He said, when I caught up to him.

"Hi, um...look, I-I've..." I sighed, as I shut my mouth close before I could stutter any more.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

But once he asked me that, I had no response. I didn't know what I was gonna ask, or how I was gonna ask it. I just _needed _to know how Alvin was doing. I was worried that he was still mad at me, or that he never wanted to talk to me again. I spent 2 weeks with the guilt, and I just needed to know what damage I had done to my best friend.

"You okay?" He asked me, when I didn't answer.

I just nodded. "Yeah, I'm okay." I said, although I knew it wasn't true.

"So, what's up?" He asked.

I sighed, and bit my lip before saying, "Um, h-have you seen Alvin around lately?" I asked, then realizing how stupid the question was.

Simon laughed. "Uh, yeah. He's my brother, and I live with him." He said, looking at me like I was stupid, and I couldn't blame him. "Why?"

I sighed again, wondering how I could ask the question without sounding too obvious that I missed him. "I-It's just, I haven't seen him for a while, a-and I was just wondering if...if he's okay."

"If he's okay?" Asked Simon.

I nodded.

It was as if Simon didn't really understand my question. "Well, sure. I guess he's okay. He's just been pretty busy lately." He said. "We all have."

I smiled and said, "Yeah, that's true." I looked at Simon. "So, he's feeling fine and everything right?"

Simon nodded. "Of course. Why would there be something wrong?"

I gulped silently. "Nothing. I just...I just thought. But nevermind."

We were silent for a few seconds before Simon spoke up. "Well, now that you've mentioned..."

_Aw crap._

"What?" I asked.

It took a while before Simon could say something, like he couldn't find the right words to say. "Well, Theodore and I have noticed that Alvin's been acting pretty...quiet these days."

I gulped. "Quiet? What do you mean?"

Simon shrugged. "Like, he doesn't really like to talk anymore. He's been acting pretty down lately, like he has something on his mind. But I dunno. It's hard to explain." He said, rolling his eyes. "But whatever it is, I'm sure it's fine. You know how Alvin rolls, right?"

I forced a laugh. "Yeah..." I sighed, feeling horrible and useless.

"Maybe you should go talk to him, Britt." Said Simon.

I was shocked for about a second. "Me? Why?"

Simon smiled. "Well, who else can talk to him about stuff, but you?"

I sighed, knowing he was right. But I wasn't sure if Alvin wants to see my face, or even talk to me after what happend 2 weeks ago. But I wanted to see him, but I just couldn't risk it. If I found out how much I had hurt him, I would never be able to forgive myself ever again. And I didn't want to risk talking to him any time soon, because I knew we were gonna have another fight, much like the one we had 2 weeks ago, and if we did, there was a possibility that I may accidentally spill the words 'I love you' to him.

And he just can't know.

"I-I'm sure he's fine." I said with effort, feeling guiltier as the seconds ticked by. "Anyways, I-I've gotta go. Anthony's waiting."

Simon nodded. "Sure. See ya."

"Bye." I said, before turning around and walking away.

But as I walked back to the car, I knew I did something wrong. Did I hurt Alvin that bad? Because I never intended to. I said those words as a distraction, before I told him I loved him - before he found out that I was in love with him. But those words didn't mean anything, but I never thought that untrue words like that could hurt someone so badly.

Especially Alvin.

But just the thought of me hurting the one I loved...I deserved nothing but this feeling of remorse.

I stepped into the passenger seat of Anthony's car, saying nothing.

"You okay?" He asked.

I looked at him and nodded. "Yeah, of course."

"Alright then. Let's go." He said, before he started the car.

And on the entire way there, while Anthony was telling me a story about what happened to him in class this week (Something about his professor and a lab gone horribly wrong. I couldn't care less.), my mind was set on something else.

Does Simon know why Alvin is upset? Is that why he bothered telling me anyway, even though he said his brother was fine? And why exactly, did Simon tell me to go talk to Alvin? Does Simon even know that Alvin and I fought 2 weeks ago? And does Simon know that Alvin hates me? But _does _Alvin hate me?

I had every chance to go talk to Alvin, and apologize, but the only thing that stood in my way was Victoria, which gave me an even greater reason to hate that girl more. She liked Alvin, if not _loved _him. And I was pretty sure Alvin felt the same about her.

If only Alvin knew how I felt about him...

But before anything else, my thoughts were stopped when the car came to a halt. I hadn't realized that the 10 minute car ride was so short. Then Anthony said, "We're here. Come on."

I sighed, wondering how things will go today. I planned this date with Anthony because I thought it would be a good chance for me to take my mind off of Alvin.

But I think it's just making me think about him _more_.

* * *

**Yaay, I updated within a week this time! Why? Because you guys reviewed so quickly, it made me want to write the next chapter right away! So thanks! It made me really happy :D**

**So what'll happen on Brittany and Anthony's so-called 'date'? **

**And what about Alvin? What'll happen to him?**

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Thanks for reading, and please please review! Thankyouu!**


	15. Falling so quickly

We walked into the restaurant and sat down at a table. I suddenly lost my appetite. I felt so bad - horrible in fact. I was glad I asked Simon about his brother, but again, I wish I didn't because I couldn't take my mind off it. And like for the past 2 weeks, I couldn't take mymind off of Alvin. But this was different, it was now worse.

If I really did hurt Alvin, then I don't know what to do. Because I didn't mean to hurt him. And now Alvin thinks that I hate him. And it hurt me inside, like I was almost on the verge of tears. I never intended to hurt my best friend - the boy I love...

But as of now, I absolutely hated myself.

"Brittany?" I heard Anthony say, which made me snap out of my thoughts.

I looked up from the floor, and looked at him. "Yeah?"

"What do you wanna order?" Asked Anthony, handing me a menu.

To be honest, I didn't want to eat. I didn't want to do anything but think, and reflect on how much of a different girl I was becoming inside - a girl I never thought I would turn into. But I didn't want to be rude by backing out, especially since this lunch thing was my idea. I took the menu, scanned over it for 10 seconds then said, "I'll just take the chicken salad."

He looked at me weird. "That was fast."

I shrugged. "I've been here lots."

But to tell you the truth, it was my first time in this restaurant. I mean, obviously. My actual home with Miss Miller - the neighborhood I grew up in - was hours away from here. But I scanned it over, and found the first non expensive thing on the menu.

"Okay then. How about drinks?" He asked.

"Just water." I answered plainly, then sighed. I still felt so horrible. When I asked Simon about Alvin, he said,_ 'He doesn't really like to talk anymore. He's been acting pretty down lately, like he has something on his mind.' _My heart literally sank.

The waiter came minutes later to take our order. Anthony ordered my food, while he ordered a turkey sandwich with an ice tea. We didn't really say much as we waited for our food to come, which arrived 5 minutes later.

"So, how's class going for you?" He asked, after swallowing his first bite.

I looked up from my salad, which was barely touched. "Um, good."

He nodded. "Cool. Is it hard?"

I laughed. "No. Well, if you include the homework, then yes."

He smiled. "So, what do you do in Fashion Studies class anyways?"

"Well, we study...about fashion." I said, smiling.

"Haha." He said jokingly. "But seriously though."

"Yeah, we _seriously _study about fashion." I said.

"Oh." He said. "Really?"

"Yeah. That, along with making clothes, of course." I said.

"So basically, you sit in front of a sewing machine all day, making clothes." He said.

I rolled my eyes. "It's not only about making clothes, you know. We also lean about the international fashion industry, different designers, different brands, what kinds of trends are in these days, what looks good, what looks absolutely crappy and all that kinda stuff." I said, thinking about how and how stressful it could be.

"Wow, fun." He said.

I glared at him. "Are you mocking me?"

He laughed. "No. Why would I?" He said, but I could tell that he was just joking around.

I rolled my eyes and smiled. "So, let me ask you now. How's Science and Math class? Oh wait, I know the answer." I said, grinning darkly at him. "Boring, right?"

He sighed. "Come on. It's not that boring."

"Really? Because last time I checked, it's dead boring." I said.

"You're over exaggerating now." He said.

"Right, my mistake. Because sitting at a table for 4 or so hours, learning what the square root of a trillion is, is super fun!" I said, laughing.

He seemed to get my dry humor. He laughed. "Well, if you put it that way, then fine. It's boring."

I giggled again. "But honestly, how can you take that kind of stuff? When high school was over, I was so happy that I never had to deal with math ever again!" I said. "I'm just glad I even passed math class in high school!"

"You still need to know math for your fashion studies class though." He said, referring to my poor attempts at math for my assignments.

"Exactly. That's where you come in." I said, smiling.

"Yeah, and thank god for that. You suck at math." He said, tauntingly.

I smiled and shrugged, not denying anything. "I've heard."

"Hey, at least you're getting better...ish." He said.

I rolled my eyes. "Gee, thanks."

We continued to talk about class for the next 10 minutes or so, as we continued to have lunch. But no matter how I tried to be engaged within this conversation, there was still one thing in the back of my mind. I just wanted to see Alvin now. It painful to know that I hadn't seen him for 2 weeks now. Because the last time I saw him, I yelled at him. I wanted to talk to him now, saying that I had no idea what I was doing, and that I was sorry.

But deep inside, I knew I wasn't sorry. Because if I didn't say something to him in time, he would find out - find out that I was in love with him.

But I did have a chance to find out how Alvin's been doing. And the answer was sitting right in front of me - literally.

I've been hanging out with Anthony a lot lately, that I sometimes forget that he and Alvin were roommates. And because they were roommates, that's where I got the idea of getting to know Anthony better. I use to think if Alvin saw me with his roommate, he would start feeling something for me, and leave MY roommate Victoria. But now, as I think back, all I could say is, 'What the hell was I thinking?'

Because it was clear that Alvin didn't care at all, if I was hanging out with his roommate, or not. Alvin would never go for me. He would never fall in love with me, because all I am to him is a girl he grew up with for the past 15 years. A girl whom he told everything to, a girl who knows everything about him - a girl who is nothing more than his best friend.

I was debating whether or not I should ask Anthony about Alvin. Most of me wanted to because Alvin is the main reason why I can't even think straight anymore. I was worried and I was wondering how bad I had hurt him, if I even did hurt him at all.

I didn't want Alvin to think of me of some sort of bipolar freak, because he knows me well enough to know that I'm not. But my life has turned upside down ever since I realized I was in love with him. And he's been noticing the way I act now, and that's why we got into a fight - because I was too afraid to tell him.

But I had enough. I hadn't seen him, or even heard of him ever since that night when we fought. And it was too hurtful and embarrassing to even think back to it, but I deserve anything bad coming my way.

I had yelled at Alvin, hurt him, cried because of him, and now, I'm worried sick.

Not worried in a bad way, like something bad was happening to him. But worried in a way that made me feel like a horrible person. I was worried about how seriously he took me when I said I hated him. And I was worried that he would hate me too.

And I didn't want to lose Alvin.

I turned to Anthony. He was still blabbing on about something I totally forgot about. "...And then I tried telling my professor that-"

"Anthony?" I asked, cutting him off. I wasn't even looking at him.

He stopped talking and looked at me. "Yeah?"

I stared hard at the table for about 3 seconds before looking up. I gulped, then sighed, trying to look as calm and natural as possible."You see Alvin everyday, right?"

He raised his eyebrows. "Uh, I guess. I mean, we live in the same dorm room." He answered.

I nodded. "Yeah, I know." I said.

"Why?" He asked me.

I sighed again, biting my lip. I shrugged. "I was just wondering...h-how's he doing?"

He looked at me weirdly. "What do you mean?"

"How is he?"

It took a while before Anthony could answer. "Good, I guess. I mean, I hardly talk to him. He's always out to class, along with Simon and Theodore, and I'm always busy as well."

"So, you don't talk to him? Like, ever?" I asked.

"Well, yeah, we do sometimes." Anthony answered.

I didn't know what to say next. "Like what?"

Anthony shrugged. "Well, nothing much, except about class and stuff going on. Nothing more, really."

"So he's been doing okay?" I asked, noticing my voice get smaller.

Anthony nodded, looking at me weirdly again. "Yeah, he's okay." He said slowly. "Why? Should there be something wrong with him?"

I shook my head. "No. I-I-I was just wondering, b-because I haven't seen him in a long time." I said, trying to sound calm, but failing at that attempt.

Anthony raised his eyebrows again. "And so you're wondering if he's okay?"

I sighed, realizing how pathetic I was being. I just wasn't used to this. I've grown up with Alvin, going through preschool, elementary and high school with him. He and his brothers have visited me and my sisters at home (With Miss Miller) countless of times, and so basically, I'm just use to seeing him everyday. And it was weird not seeing him for this long. I just wasn't use to it.

I gulped, trying to contain myself. "Yeah, I mean, like, it's weird. Because we're...friends." I said. "I've hung out with him almost everyday of my life. I haven't gone this long without talking to him."

GAH! I sounded like some desperate stalker. But it was how I truly felt on the inside. Everything I was saying was true.

"Well Brittany, when you're in college, hanging out with friends starts to become pretty limited." Anthony said matter-of-factly, but he grinned.

I sighed, knowing he has a point. But this was different. Ever since I came to college, I've been seeing and talking to Alvin everyday. But ever since he started going out with Victoria, and since we had that fight we had 2 weeks ago, I haven't heard a single word from him. But I couldn't say that to Anthony. I couldn't say that to anyone.

"I know. But it's just...weird." I said.

"Do you like, miss him or something?" Asked Anthony.

I looked at him, wondering why he asked me a question like that. Why _did _he ask me that? Maybe because he could feel that I missed Alvin? Or maybe it was just him wondering about me. I don't know, but whatever the reason was, it was weird. But I couldn't keep it in anymore. I sighed. "Well, yeah."

"Have you tried calling or texting him?" Asked Anthony plainly, which made me look at him weirdly.

I said nothing at first. Believe me, I've wanted to call Alvin, or text him ever since that night we fought. But every time I picked up my cell phone, wanting to call or text him, saying how sorry I was, my fingers would start to tremble, or they would start to freeze, and I would drop my phone, feeling hurt because I just didn't have the guts to do it.

I sighed. "No." I lied. "I mean, because I know we're all so busy, and I'm so busy, I just don't have time."

Anthony nodded. "Yeah, I guess."

"Yeah." I said, deciding I should really change the subject before things get even more weirder. "So, anyways, I-"

"And besides, if Alvin was such a good friend to you, he would of called you first." Said Anthony.

I looked at him, my eyebrows raised in confusion. "Pardon?"

Anthony shrugged. "I get what you're trying to say, Brittany. You and Alvin have known each other since you guys were 5, or whatever, but if he was a good friend, he would of phoned you and asked how you've been doing. But I guess he's way too busy to even do that."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "What are you trying to say?"

"Are you and Alvin friends?" He asked, totally ignoring my question.

I nodded, still looking at him weirdly. "Yeah, why?"

"Just friends?" He asked.

I felt my insides freeze up. Just friends? Yeah, and that's the only thing we'll ever be. Just friends. But what really hit me was why in the world was Anthony asking me these questions? "Well, he's my best friend." I said.

Anthony nodded.

"Why?" I asked, getting pretty curious now.

Anthony shook his head. "I was just wondering."

"Why?" I asked again.

He sighed. "Well, if I were you, I wouldn't waste my time thinking and worrying about some guy who probably isn't aware that him and his best friend haven't talked in a while."

I wanted to say something. I wanted to say that I'm 100% sure Alvin _is _aware that the two of us haven't spoken to each other. I mean, that's the whole point, isn't it? I was worried about him, because I haven't seen or talked to him. That was the whole reason Alvin and I haven't seen each other in 2 weeks. And I was hoping Alvin felt the same. But a part of me told me not to get my hopes up.

I looked at him. "How would you know?" I asked, almost in a demanding way.

Anthony shrugged. "I guess he's too busy hanging out with that other girl. Your roommate, Victoria."

And that's when I had enough. My blood began to boil under my skin. "That doesn't mean that he doesn't want to talk to me." I said, but my voice was small.

"Then why would he have time to hang out with her, rather than you? You _did _say that you and Alvin are best friends." Said Anthony.

As of now, I hated the words 'Best friend'. Because those words meant literally nothing to me anymore. I wasn't sure if I lost my best friend or not. And it was all my fault.

I looked at Anthony. "Same reason why I hang out with you, rather than him." I fought back, answering his question.

"What's the reason, then?" He asked.

I opened my mouth to speak, but closed it, not knowing what to say. I sighed, shook my head and said, "Why are you asking me this anyway?" I said.

"No reason." He said.

I didn't buy it. "Tell me." I demanded softly.

When I looked at Anthony's face, it was hard to read. He sighed. "It's nothing."

Again, I knew he was lying. "Anthony, tell me."

He looked to the ground. "Honestly, there's nothing."

"If it's nothing, then why did you ask if Alvin and I are friends? Because you know perfectly well that we are." I fired.

He looked at me and sighed. It took him awhile before he started to speak. "You and me, we've known each other for a while now, right?"

"Uh, yeah I guess."

"So, the two of us are basically friends at this point, right?" He asked.

I nodded, unsure of what he was going at. "Anthony, what are you trying to say?"

He said nothing for about 10 seconds before saying, "Look, Brittany, I know it's only been a month since we met, but over that month, I feel like I've gotten to know you better, like we've known each other for quite a long time."

I was taken aback for a bit. I said nothing, and I remained frozen.

"To be honest, you're the only friend I have. I mean, I have friends, but when I hang out with you, it's totally different. Like, you get my jokes, I laugh every now and then with you, and you've been the nicest person I've met ever since I came here." Said Anthony. "I feel like I can be myself when I'm around you."

Again, I remained still as cement.

"I-I hope this doesn't ruin our friendship or anything, but...but this is something I just need to get out." Anthony stated quietly.

I was expecting the worse. In my head, all I could say was '_No, please. No._'

"Brittany, I-I like you. You're such a sweet person, and such a good friend." He inhaled deeply. "S-So what I'm trying to say is..." Anthony trailed off, struggling to find words.

I looked at him, nervously, hoping that what I thought was about to happen, wasn't going to happen.

He sighed to himself and looked at me. "I'm falling for you."

* * *

**Well, thanks for ruining everything Anthony! x(**

**So what's Brittany gonna say? What will she say to Anthony? Will she hurt another friend? D: **

**And I know Alvin hasn't been in the story within the past few chapters, but I promise that he'll be back very soon.**

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and PLEASE review! Thankyouu!**


	16. Can't take it anymore

I stared at him, as millions of thoughts and emotions ran through me. I felt my heart pound, making my ear drums shake. My mouth felt so dry, and my fingers were trembling. I began to get all uptight and self conscious. Did Anthony just say what I thought he said?

Please don't tell me this is happening...

After I didn't say anything for a long time, Anthony sighed and said, "Yeah, I kinda expected that."

It took an effort to open my mouth. "What?" I said quietly.

"Your reaction." He said.

I gulped. "Oh. I-I-I'm sorry. It's just..." I shook my head, unable to find the right words. I inhaled deeply. "I'm just taken into shock."

Anthony half smiled. "Sorry. But I-I just needed to tell you." He said.

The insides of my body were twisting and turning. I felt anxiously sick.

"I hope this doesn't put a hold on our friendship." He said after a moment of silence, then he sighed and looked at me. "But Brittany, I really am falling for you."

I remained silent for about 10 seconds before I could speak agan. I avoided eye contact. "Oh."

How the hell did this happen? I mean, Anthony and I have only known each other for 1 month! But after yelling at myself inside my head, I realized it was all my fault. If I hadn't of gotten the stupid idea of making Alvin jealous by hanging out with his roommate so he could fall for me, this would of never happened. If I would of got up and walked away that day Anthony and I met, this wouldn't of happened. If I hadn't of fallen in love with my best friend in the first place, none of this would be happening.

"I'm sorry." Said Anthony.

I looked at him, and when I did, I suddenly felt bad. Anthony was that type of person with a limited number of friends. And I was basically his only friend. And I didn't want to hurt him by saying that I don't feel the same way, because I already hurt my own best friend. And I couldn't afford to hurt someone else.

"No, it's okay." I said. "I'm just...surprised."

What did I do? What did I do to deserve this?

"It's just, I've never felt like this before." Anthony said quietly. "It was so hard to keep it in. I just had to tell you."

I gulped. It sounded a lot like me. It sounded EXACTLY like me, and the way I feel about Alvin. Except that I didn't have the guts to tell Alvin. I don't know if I will ever have the guts to tell him.

I looked at Anthony, almost scared. "It's okay." I said again, and I forced a smile.

"You sure?" He asked.

I nodded. "I appreciate you telling me, but..."

Anthony looked at me.

I breathed in deeply. "Look, Anthony. I'm telling the truth when I say that you're honestly the sweetest guy I know. You're basically like, the only one I can talk to now a days." I gulped. "You're a really great friend, and you're just a great guy in general."

He vaguely smiled at me.

I inhaled deeply. But again, I felt like a total jerk. The last thing I wanted right now is to hurt someone else I care about. And I care about Anthony as a friend. I looked up and stared at him. I couldn't say anything. When I looked into his eyes, I saw a bit of pity for him. And that just killed me. I didn't want to hurt him. I'm not gonna be able to live with myself if I hurt someone else again.

I bit my lip hard.

"It's okay. You don't have to tell me anything." Said Anthony.

I shut my eyes for about 3 seconds before opening them. Again, I told myself that I can't afford hurting another friend. I just can't.

I looked back into Anthony's eyes. I counted to 10 in my head. "Me too." I whispered.

Anthony froze and looked at me. "What?"

My heart began to pump harder. My lips began to tremble. "Me too." I said, a bit more loudly this time. "I-I...I like you too."

But inside, I was screaming and pounding against the walls of my body. This is a LIE. I only like Anthony as a friend, but I couldn't tell him that. I can't hurt him. But this was the only way I could escape hurting someone else I cared about. But just knowing that I said that - LIED about that - in Anthony's face, saying that I like him, made me want to send myself to hell.

The feeling of my stupidity and remorse was still burning inside my body.

"You do?" Said Anthony. He said nothing more a while. "Wow."

I sighed and tried my best to smile. "Yeah."

Anthony looked at me. "A-Are you sure?" He asked.

I had a chance to say no, but the wrong answer came out before I even had time to breathe. "Yes. I'm sure. I really like you too, Anthony." I said, trying to make my voice sound real enough.

But inside me, I was crying.

We got our bill and Anthony paid for both of our meals, before heading back into the car. We really didn't say anything on our way back. Although he just confessed to me that he liked me, and I just lied to him that I liked him back, the mood between us was obvious nervousness. Because it was my first time ever saying 'I like you' to a boy, even though I didn't mean it. And I'm pretty sure I'm the first girl Anthony ever said 'I like you' to.

We got back to the campus minutes later before walking back into the dormroom section of the campus. We walked up the stairs and through the hallway, where we stopped in front of my dormroom.

I sighed and looked at him. "Thanks for lunch." I said.

He smiled. "You're welcome." He said. He shoved his hands in his pocket before saying, "Well, see you later then?"

I nodded. "Yeah, see you." I said, and before I knew it, he wrapped an arm around me, giving me a quick hug. I froze for a second before telling myself to return the hug. So I did, and about 3 seconds later, he pulled back. I forced a smile at him. "Bye."

He smiled, before turning around to walk back to his dorm.

Then all the fake happiness melted away from my face as my fingers trembled to get my keys. I unlocked the door and stepped inside, shutting it behind me. It didn't look like Eleanor, Jeanette or Victoria were home yet. I could feel my throat getting closed up, my chest pounding with agony, and my eyes rising with tears.

What did I get myself into?

I pulled out my cellphone from my pocket, and dialed a number while walking to the bathroom and shutting it behind me. I sank down to the bathroom floor, hugging my knees with one arm, while my head was bowed down in resentment.

After a few rings, the call finally picked up.

"Hello?"

I started to bawl silently. "Miss Miller?"

"Brittany, sweetheart!" She said, and I knew she could sense that something was wrong again.

I began to cry silently.

"What happened?" She asked me.

I closed my eyes, feeling a bit better that I heard my mother's voice again. There are no words to describe how much I missed her. Miss Miller gave me everything. She was the one who was always there for me, no matter what. I hadn't seen her since the day we started college, when she was helping me and my sisters unpack, and I hadn't heard her voice ever since that night when I called her, and cried to her, saying that I was in love with someone.

And I couldn't keep it in.

She had to know.

I took a deep breath. "I don't know what's wrong with me." I cried. "Everything I do seems to affect me! And I don't know why!"

Miss Miller sighed deeply. "Oh, Britt. Is it about this boy again?" She asked me sweetly.

My bottom lip began to tremble. "Yes." I whispered.

"Oh, sweetheart..."

"I'm so sorry for calling you like this. I really don't want to make you listen to me cry, but mom..." I took a deep breath. "You're the only one I can talk to."

"Honey, don't ever apologize to me for something like this. You know that I will do anything to help you and your sisters." She said.

I sniffled. "I know." I said. "I just miss you so much."

"I miss you too. All of you." She said sweetly, which made me shed even more tears. "So tell me. What happened now?"

I closed my eyes. "Everything went wrong, mom." I cried.

"How?" She asked in her motherly voice. It brought back memories to when I was a little girl. Sometimes, when I came home from school in a bad mood, Miss Miller would pull me into a hug, and ask me what's wrong, in her soft motherly voice. And it always made me happy, but now, all I could do was cry.

"I still love that boy." I whispered. "I'm in love with him. B-But a few weeks ago, everything went wrong. We got into an arguement..." My words came to a stop when tears began to fall uncontrollably again. "And now he hates me!" I said, almost yelling. "And I haven't seen him since then! And now, someone else has fallen in love with me!"

"And what did you say, Britt?" Miss Miller asked.

I tried to keep myself together. "I couldn't hurt anyone else. I didn't want to see anyone else get hurt, especially by me." I breathed deeply. "So I lied. I told him I liked him back. But it's not true, mom!" I cried. "I just had to because I didn't want to lose someone else."

"This boy who said he likes you, who is he?" Asked my mom.

"He's a friend. He's nothing more than a friend." I said. "But that's not the point! I'm gettng myself into the deepest trouble, all because I love someone else!"

Miss Miller didn't say anything for a long time. "You love someone else, huh. And you guys got into an argument, and you haven't seen him since then?"

I nodded to myself. "Yes." I whispered tearfully.

"And you miss him?" Asked Miss Miller.

"Yes."

Miss Miller took a deep sigh. She said nothing for the longest time. It was silent for about a whole minute, before she finally spoke up again.

"Brittany..." She said quietly. "You love Alvin, don't you."

My eyes turned wide, and my whole body literally froze. My fingers almost dropped my cell phone to the ground. My heart felt like stopping, yet, it was racing faster and faster with each beat. No words came out of my mouth. I just stared, blank faced, into space. My breathing was getting heavier and my bottom lip quivered against my teeth. How did she know?

Half a minute later, when I regained myself, I said, "No, Miss Miller. It's not. It's not..." But I wasn't able to get anything out.

Then I burst out crying again.

"Britt..." Said Miss Miller soothingly.

My voice was breaking. "How did you know?"

"Hmm." She said, and I could hear the smile in her voice. "I always had a feeling. Mother know best."

I closed my eyes, and held the phone harder against my ear. "How did you know?" I asked again.

"Let me ask you this." Said Miss Miller. "Do you remember, 10 years ago, when you were a little girl, I told you 'Don't be afraid to fall in love?'"

"Yes." I cried.

"And do you remember what boy I brought up when we were talking?" She asked softly.

I took a deep breath. Every word she told me when we spoke about falling in love, came back to me. 10 years ago or not, those words were still as clear as if they were said to me this morning. "You brought up Alvin."

"Exactly." Said my mom calmly. "And do you remember what you said?"

I opened my eyes as the memories of 10 years ago poured back in my mind:

_"Alvin? You mean, that boy who lives across the street? The boy I hate?" I asked._

_Miss Miller gave me a disapproving look. "Yes, I'm talking about him. The boy who you've known for almost 5 years."_

_"Ew, Miss Miller, can't you see how much he annoys me? I don't even like him!" I exclaimed._

_"I know, but I can see the way you two act around each other." Said Miss Miller._

_"Oh, you mean the way we want to kill each other all the time?" I asked, sarcastically._

_Miss Miller sighed. "You know, whenever a boy annoys a girl, it actually mean he likes her."  
_  
_"WHAT? I'D RATHER DIE!" I exclaimed._

I sighed and closed my eyes again. "I said I would never like him."

"Mmhmm." Said Miss Miller. "I've basically raised you, your sisters along with Alvin, Simon and Theodore. I've noticed the way you and Alvin act around each other. Hatred and despisement. But you two grew up to be best friends. I always had a feeling something would happen between you two."

"But it's not like that." I said, my voice getting weak. "We got into a fight. And now he hates me!"

"You two got into a fight, and now he hates you?" Said Miss Miller. "Why doesn't that surprise me?"

"Miss Miller, please." I said.

"No, I'm being serious, Brittany." She said. "Let me ask you a question. How many times have you and Alvin gotten into a fight in your lives?"

I shook my head, knowing there were way too many times to count. "A lot."

"A lot, right? But in the end, did you and Alvin make up?" Asked Miss Miller.

I suddenly understood her. "Yes." I said, and it was true. No matter how terrible we argued against each other, days later, Alvin and I would become best friends again, as if nothing ever happened.

"So what makes you think that this time is any different?" Asked Miss Miller. "Because I highly doubt that Alvin hates you."

I sighed.

"Do you think Alvin is that type of guy who would hate you? You, of all people?" Asked my mother. "Because I know that Alvin would never, ever hate you."

Miss Miller was right. Alvin and I have known each other all our lives now to know that no matter how badly we fought against each other, we still know that we've been best friends from the start. But again, a part of me is telling me that Alvin still hates me. The words I yelled at him were unforgivable. But I needed to listen to Miss Miller. She made everything sound so right, she made everything feel so better.

I wiped my tears away. "I don't know how you do it, mom. But you're right." I said. "I just miss you so much."

"Well, just hang in there. Because on my calender, it says that a birthday of 3 beautiful girls is coming up in 2 weeks." Said Miss Miller, and I smiled. Miss Miller laughed. "I love you, Britt. Tell your sisters that I love them too. But I'll be there. I'll be there in 2 weeks, in time for you and your sisters' birthday."

I sighed to myself. Mine, Jeanette's and Eleanor's birthday was coming up. But I guess I should be happy. Miss Miller is coming to visit us again. We finally get to see our mom again, and that's the only thing that matters. "Thank you, Miss Miller."

"And I just hope you and Alvin will forgive each other." She said. "Because in the end, no matter how hard things seem to be right now, I know something good will come out of it. Just believe, okay?"

I nodded to myself once more as tears painted my face. "I love you mom."

"Love you too, Britt. Don't you ever, ever forget that." She said.

* * *

It was the following week. It was now the 3rd week of October. It was a quiet Friday afternoon when I was sitting at my desk in class, sketching a picture of my next project. Only 1 more hour until the weekend. I sighed. Everything seemed to be going fine, until the class was interrupted when the Head Principal of the college came into the class.

My professor looked up from her desk. "Oh, Mr. Cornwall. How nice of you to stop by."

"Hello. I'm sorry for disturbing your class, but do you mind if I borrow Miss Brittany Miller for a moment?" Asked the principal.

I froze. Everyone in the class turned to look at me.

"Oh, of course." Said my professor.

The Principal looked at me. "Miss Brittany?"

I turned to him. "Yeah?" I asked nervously.

"Come with me." He said, and I stood up. "Oh, and I think you should take all your stuff with you. I don't think you'll have time to come back to class afterwards."

I gulped as I packed up everything and stuffed it in my bag, feeling all eyes on me. Once I was done, I swung my bag over my shoulder. I felt drops of sweat on my forehead. The Principal began to walk, so I followed him. We walked out of the art section and down the many hallways.

"Um, Mr. Cornwall, what's going on?" I asked quietly as we walked.

He said nothing.

We continued to walk until we arrived at the main principals office. He opened the door for me, and I slowly walked inside.

There, in the chairs by the office, sat Jeanette and Eleanor. I stared at them. They were both bawling, crying, sobbing.

"Elle, Jeanette!" I exclaimed, walking towards them.

They looked up, and they both ran up to hug me, almost knocking me backwards. My sisters cried on my shoulders.

"Oh, Britt!" Cried Eleanor.

I pulled away to look at them. "What happened?" I turned around to look at the teachers that surrounded us. They said nothing. Some of them were even looking away. I turned back to my sisters. They didn't stop crying. I was so confused.

The Principal spoke up behind us. "I think you may want to sit down."

So I did. I held my sisters' hands as I sat in the chair between them. They couldn't stop crying.

What the hell was happening?

* * *

**OMG! So Brittany lied to Anthony that she liked him back...**

**And what's happening to the girls?**

**You guys will just have to wait for the next chapter ;) **

**I really hope you liked this chapter, and thanks so much for reading. It makes me so happy! And PLEASE review! There's nothing I love more than reading your guys' reviews :D Thankyouu!**

**And btw...THE CHIP-WRECKED TRAILER IS OUT OMG OMG OMG OMG! I watched it like, a trillion times already LOL**


	17. One tear at a time

"What's going on?" I asked again, feeling scared. Why wasn't anyone telling me? I looked at both of my sisters, before looking up at the teachers that surrounded the office. They were now looking back at us.

The Principal sighed. "We just got a call." He said.

"A call?" I asked, getting more anxious by the second. "A call from where? From who?"

"From your Aunt Sylvia." Answered the Principal.

Aunt Sylvia, Miss Miller's older sister. I think I've met my Aunt Sylvia like, 3 or 4 times in my life. The last time I saw her was about 3 years ago, when she was visiting us from Santa Barbara. Miss Miller said she lived about 2 hours away from where we lived, so she didn't really have time to visit us that often. But she always sent us gifts for Christmas, and our birthdays and stuff. But I remember Miss Miller telling us stories about the two of them growing up. They were both extremely close to each other, like how I am with my sisters.

But why did the school get a call from my aunt?

"W-Why did she call?" I asked, feeling nervous.

The Principal looked down and sighed. It took him a long time before he said anything. My sisters were now silently bawling in their hands. "We already told your sisters." He said. "We decided to tell you separately, since you're the eldest."

I just stared at him.

The Principal exhaled through his nose deeply before looking at me and my sisters. "Your mother passed away last night."

At first, I didn't believe him. "W-What?" I asked, breathing heavily.

He looked down. "I'm very sorry."

No.

No.

NO!

My heart felt like someone had ripped it out of my chest, and dropped it on the floor. My whole body began to quiver. My finger nails dug into my knees, scratching me. Tears of agony and disbelief began to flow, streaking my face with pain.

"NO!" I screamed. "NO! TELL ME THAT'S NOT TRUE!"

"I wish we can, Miss Br-"

"NO!" I screamed, as tears continued to fall down my face, and into my lap. "IT CAN'T BE!"

No one said anything.

I turned to my sisters. "Eleanor, tell me they're lying! PLEASE tell me this isn't true!" My voice was shaking like an earthquake.

Eleanor just looked at me. Her bottom lip was trembling. She shook her head, and buried her face back in her hands, crying.

I looked at Jeanette, feeling hopeless. "Jeanette, please!"

Jeanette closed her eyes. Tears ran down her face. "I-...I'm sorry, Brittany!"

No. Miss Miller _can't _be dead.

How did this happen? I just spoke to her last week! She sounded so healthy, so normal - so mother-like. My mother. _Our _mother. Our mom. Miss Miller, the one who adopted us, who raised us like we were her own daughters, who loved us, who took care of us, who gave us a home to live in, food to eat, clothes to wear...a future to have.

And now, that lady who gave us everything is gone.

_Gone_. It just can't be.

I put my head down, my palms on my forehead, while my elbows rested on my knees to keep me up. "No! No, no no!"

The lady who told me 'Don't be afraid to fall in love' has left me. She has left us. She has left me and my sisters forever. We're never going to see her again. And it was 1 week from her visit. She was suppose to visit us next week for our birthday, but that will never happen. Not anymore.

She's gone.

I looked up. My entire face was damp with tears. "_Please _tell me she's alive. Please!" I begged in a whisper.

"I'm so sorry." The Principal said quiety.

I closed my eyes. It was true. My mother is dead.

I couldn't take it. My breathing got heavier, and right now, I wanted to run away. I wanted to run away back home, to see my mother. She's not gonna leave us like this, so quickly. And I'm not gonna let her leave us. She just can't be dead. I continued to sob. I stood up, unable to do anything right now, ran to the main office doors, and swung them open.

"Brittany!" I heard Jeanette call behind me, but I didn't stop.

I pushed the school's front doors open, and I ran. I ran and I ran.

Tears continued to flow.

My heart ripped into two.

The lady who has given me everything - gone.

My mother was dead.

And it just wan't fair. I've spoken to her twice ever since we've arrived in college. My sisters - never. My sisters will never hear our mom's voice again. That tore me apart. The last time I heard my mom's voice was last week, when I told her I was in love with Alvin Seville.

Her last words to me were, 'Love you too, Britt. Don't you ever, ever forget that.'

My vision was getting blurrier and blurrier as I ran. My salty tears covered my eyes. I didn't know what to do.

Why did she leave us? Why did she die so early? Why did she die, when we were not with her?

I continued to run, out the school, through the field, and to wherever my feet could take me.

I just wasn't going to let Miss Miller go.

I kept on running. I was getting tired, but I didn't stop.

I wanted to go home.

I stopped to catch my breath. But the tears never stopped falling. What was I gonna do now? Because in reality, I couldn't do anything anymore. I stopped right under the big oak tree, where the wooden bench sat right under it. My legs started to feel like jelly. I felt hopeless, lonely, miserable and defeated.

Miss Miller is dead, and there is nothing I can do about it.

I walked over to the bench and sat down. I started to release more tears.

_"Your mother passed away last night."_

Those words burned in my body. It just can't be true.

"Why her?" I cried to myself. "Why Miss Miller?"

I covered my face with my hands, as I continued to sob. I've never cried so much, but again, I have never experienced a death in my family. My breathing became short and haggard. I couldn't breathe. I've always promised myself that I would take care of Miss Miller once she got older. I promised myself to look after my mom, and protect her. But now, she's gone forever.

But seconds later, I heard footsteps running towards me.

"Brittany!"

I knew that voice. But I couldn't look up. I couldn't do anything.

"Brittany." The voice said again, a bit more worried.

It was his voice. The voice I haven't heard in over 3 weeks.

I looked up, tears still flowing of out my eyes. Alvin stood there, in his football jersey, looking at me. I haven't seen his face, or heard his voice in over 3 weeks. And I longed to see him again. And now, with him standing in front of me, saying my name, made me cry even more. The words I said to him when we fought rung in my ears. I told him I hated him. I thought I had lost my best friend forever.

He sat down beside me. He touched my arm. "Britt." He said, saying my name as softly as ever.

I looked away, unable to stop crying.

"Brittany, look at me." He said in a soft demand.

I turned to him, ashamed of all the tears I was shedding, but he didn't seem to care. His face, it was a face I hadn't seen for such a long time. When I looked at him, his face was full of worry. I have missed him so much, it hurt me.

"What happened?" He asked me. His voice was full of concern.

I was shaking hard, my whole body was vibrating as I cried. "Alvin..." I sobbed.

He turned to me. "Tell me." He said gently.

Those words were oh, so familiar. All those times when he's tried to get me to tell him what's wrong, the words 'tell me' would always make me guilty. But this, I wanted to tell him. I missed talking to him. And he is one of the few people who knows me, better than I know myself. He's one of the only people I know who will understand.

"Miss Miller..." I bawled.

He just stared at me. "What about Miss Miller?"

I looked straight up in his eyes. My heart began to pound. "S-She's gone."

He froze, and said nothing for a while. "What?" He whispered.

"She's dead." I breathed, crying into my hands.

"No." Whispered Alvin. "No, she can't be."

I began to cry hysterically .

Then I felt a pair of arms around me. Alvin pulled my crying self closer to him, and he hugged me. It was as if our fight, and the cruel words I said to him, never ever happened. He felt like the Alvn I knew again. Behind the giant ego, behind the big flirt, he was the caring boy that loved his friends and family. "I'm so sorry, Britt." He whispered to me.

I leaned into him and sobbed. I couldn't do anything but cry. He held me for about 5 minutes, before I pulled away. "I-I'm sorry." I said to him.

He looked at me. "Why are you saying sorry? This isn't your fault. Don't ever think that this is your fault." He said to me softly.

I shook my head. I wasn't talking about that. I gulped. I wanted to tell him what was on my mind for the past 3 weeks. "No. I'm sorry about everything. A-About that night, a few weeks ago." I said weakly.

He looked at me, looked to the ground, then back into my eyes. "It's alright."

"Alvin, that wasn't me. Those words..." I sighed. "...I didn't mean them at all."

"I know, it's okay." He said.

I shook my head again. "Please forgive me. I don't know what I was doing, or saying." I cried. "And I don't hate you. Please don't ever think that I hate you. When I said I did, I-I didn't mean it."

"Britt, relax." He said. "It's alright. I know."

I shook my head, covered my face and turned away, sobbing into my hands once more. Alvin wrapped his arms around me again.

I was glad to get that off my chest, but my mind didn't stop reminding me that my mom is dead. "I can't believe she's gone!"

"I'm sorry." He said. "I'm so, so sorry."

"I don't know what I did wrong!" I screamed weakly, crying against his chest.

"You did nothing wrong." He whispered to me.

I continued to cry against his chest for about 2 minutes, before pulling away. I was still hurt inside, but when Alvin came over here to comfort me, like old times, it made me feel stronger. But I just had to accept the fact that Miss Miller is dead.

I pulled away, and looked to the ground. Tears still rolled down my cheeks.

"It's okay if you don't feel like talking right now. Just know that I'm here to listen when you're ready." He said quietly. "But how did you find out?"

"The Principal told me." I whispered.

"Does Eleanor and Jeanette know?" He asked.

I nodded.

"How are they?" He asked me.

"They're hurt, Alvin. Our mom died last night!" I cried. "I can't stand seeing my sisters cry." I shook my head, and hung my head down.

"I can't believe it." He said. I looked up, and he was staring off into the distance. It was as if he was talking to himself. He looked back at me. "I can't believe she's gone."

I closed my eyes.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

I shook my head. "I don't know what to do anymore." I whispered. "She was suppose to come next week to visit us."

"For your birthday?" He asked.

I nodded.

Alvin sighed. "I am so, so sorry, Brittany."

We said nothing for about 2 minutes. I didn't want to talk about this anymore. I didn't want to talk about my mom anymore. It will just kill me more. Because I can't do anything about it.

Miss Miller is dead.

I tried my best to talk about something else. "Football practice?" I asked a few minutes later, looking at his jersey.

He sighed. "Changing the subject won't make you feel better, Britt." He said softly.

I shook my head. "I don't want to talk about it anymore." I whispered tearfully.

Alvin sighed again, and I knew he was letting me have my way. He nodded. "Yeah. Football practice."

"You should go back if you don't want to get in trouble." I said.

He shrugged. "I'd rather be here. I hate seeing you cry." He said. "And besides, since when do I care if I get in trouble?"

I smiled weakly. I missed this. Just having a conversation with him, just us two. It's been way too long.

Alvin sighed. "I haven't seen you for so long."

I wiped my tears away with my fingers. I didn't say anything at first. I didn't know how to repsond to that. Because to be truthful, I wanted to see him. But I was just too afraid. Because after that night we fought, I was afraid he would never want to see me again. And I didn't want myself to get hurt. But I missed him so much. And I wished that this moment would last forever. I was here, with my best friend - The boy I was incredibly in love with.

I sighed. "I know." I said.

"How have you been?"

I didn't move, or speak for a while. "Fine." I whispered.

But before he could speak, the bell rang, telling us that classes were over for the day. Alvin looked at me.

I smiled vaguely. "You should go before the locker room gets all crowded."

"No, it's fine. I don't want to leave you here like this." He said. "I can just get my stuff later."

I tried my best to smile. "Don't worry about it."

"You sure?" He asked, and I nodded. "Thanks, Britt." He said, standing up. He held out a hand to help me up. I took it, then sighed and wiped away the rest of my tears. "See you later, then?" He said.

I nodded, hurting inside. I didn't want to see him go.

He walked over to me and pulled me into a hug. "Everything's gonna be fine, I promise." He looked at me. "You, Jeanette and Eleanor have each other. And you know Miss Miller will always be with you three, no matter what."

I nodded. "I know." I whispered.

He let go of me and smiled. He was about to walk away before I stopped him.

"Alvin." I called.

He turned back to me. "Yeah?"

"I-"

I had the chance to tell him I loved him.

_I love you. __I've been in love with you the whole time. __Miss Miller once told me something that completely changed me. And I never really understood those words, til now._

_Alvin Seville, I love you._

But those words didn't come out.

"Thanks." I said quietly. "Thanks for everything, for making me feel better."

"Of course, Britt." He said.

I smiled. "Bye."

"Bye." He said, before walking back across the field.

I sighed, recollecting my thoughts. This has been the most painful, yet, relieving day of my life. I just found out that my mother passed away, I ran away crying, and my best friend came to me, and comforted me, and helped me feel stronger. Alvin is right. Miss Miller will always be with us, no matter what.

I slowly made my way back into the school, where I found my sisters standing outside the main office. I ran over to them and hugged them. They started to cry on my shoulders. I began to cry too.

"It's okay." I whispered to both of them. "No matter what happens, we'll always have each other."

Eleanor nodded against me. "I know." She sighed. "I just don't want to believe that Miss Miller is gone."

I hugged them closer. "She will never be gone completely. She will always be with us." I said. "Always."

After clearing out an entire tissue box the Principal gave us, Eleanor, Jeanette and I decided to go back upstairs to our dorm. No words were shared between us. We were still in shock. But I have to admit, that I didn't feel so bad anymore ever since Alvin came to me. Now I know he doesn't hate me. But now, I felt like I needed him.

We walked through the crowded hallways. People were clearing out of their classrooms. We passed down the Biology, Nursing and Veterinary hallways, trying to avoid bumping into anything, when I spotted 2 familiar people.

I recognized the two of them right away.

It was Victoria and Alvin.

Alvin was dressed back in his regular clothes. He and Victoria were looking at each other, talking. He said something that made her laugh. And before I knew it, he was leaning in towards her.

I froze.

_No. Please, no. _

Victoria reached up, and kissed him.

And Alvin was kissing her back.

I was crushed - my heart sank. I felt hurt and betrayed. It was as if someone literally punched me in the heart. What happened 20 minutes ago when Alvin and I were talking, meant _nothing _to me anymore. It meant nothing. And just thinking that I was so close to saying 'I love you' to him, destroyed me.

I looked away, feeling tears rise up again.

And I ran.

"Brittany! Where're you going?" I heard Eleanor call behind me.

But I didn't stop. I sprinted all the way up to my dormroom, and shut the door behind me, beginning to cry once more. It must of taken me 5 minutes of straight running. But I didn't care.

How could he kiss her like that, after comforting me about my mother's death?

How could he?

* * *

**Well, that was one of the most saddest chapters I've ever written :'( ****Poor Brittany, Jeanette and Eleanor...How will they cope with their lives, now that Miss Miller is gone?**

**Gosh, can Brittany's life get any more terrible than it is now? **

**And wtf is wrong with Alvin? I mean, VICTORIA? Seriously? Ewww D: Alvin really screwed himself over this time, hasn't he? :P**

**Well, despite how sad this chapter was, I really hope you guys still enjoyed it. And PLEASE PLEASE review! They make me so happy :) Thank you!**


	18. The hardest part is saying goodbye

5 days later...

It was now the following Wednesday. Miss Miller's funeral is taking place today. Just last night, Jeanette, Eleanor and I found out that Miss Miller died from pneumonia. The disease spread through her heart and lungs. As much as it damaged us to know what killed our mother, nothing would change anymore. It was too late.

My sisters and I got special permission to skip school today, just to say goodbye to our mom. Alvin, Simon and Theodore got Dave's permission to skip school too. They were all coming to the funeral as well.

But I still couldn't believe what I saw, that day when Alvin and I talked.

He kissed Victoria.

And ever since he did, I couldn't look him in the face. I felt so betrayed, and so heartbroken.

Victoria found out about Miss Miller's passing that night too. Not a hard guess where she heard it from, I bet. She said she was so sorry, and gave me and my sisters a hug. To be honest, I wanted to slap her away - literally. But then I thought about Miss Miller, and how disappointed she would be if I bitch-slapped someone. I knew my mother wouldn't want me to do that, so I held myself back, and let Victoria hug me.

Today, the 6 of us were waiting outside the college, waiting for Dave to pick us up. Dave talked to me and my sisters on the phone the night Miss Miller died. He basically said everything we wanted to hear. It felt so good to hear Dave's voice again, because he's basically the father figure in mine and my sisters' lives. Simon and Theodore came over to our dorm that night too, and hugged us, telling us that they're so sorry for our loss. They got teary eyed too, which made us cry. Miss Miller was like a mom to them.

We continued to wait. Dave called us this morning, saying that he'll pick us up. Our hometown neighbourhood was about 5 hours away by car, so we figured that it might take Dave a while to arrive. But he called 3 hours ago, so I was hoping it won't take as long now. The 6 of us were all dressed in black. But we were all quiet. I especially didn't say anything to Alvin.

Alvin, Simon, Theodore and my sisters were all quietly standing at the edge of the parking lot as we waited. But I stood by myself. I was a few feet away from them, sitting on one of the benches, looking down. I couldn't think straight anymore. I wanted to be alone.

Dave arrived an hour later. He was wearing a suit, much like the ones the boys were wearing. And when Dave got out of the car, he instantly hugged me, Jeanette and Eleanor.

"I am so sorry, girls." He said to us.

I sighed deeply as I let tears flow out of my eyes. It was hard to believe that today will be the last day I will ever see my mom's face.

Her peaceful, quiet, heavenly, dead face.

We all got into the car. My sisters and I took up the 3 seats in the back, Theodore and Simon took the 2 seats in the middle, and Alvin sat in the passenger seat beside Dave. The car ride took 4 hours, but no one had said a word.

When we arrived at the cemetery, my sisters and I saw everyone Miss Miller knew - her friends, the people she worked with, people from the family and especially, her sister - our Aunt Sylvia. When we got out of the car, people instantly came to me and my sisters to express their condolences. It felt so good to know that so many people feel the same way my sisters and I are feeling right now, and that so many people care and miss Miss Miller, but in reality, she was never coming back.

The ceremony took place inside a church. My sisters, the boys, Dave and I were the first ones to walk inside, with my Aunt Sylvia right behind us. And the first thing I saw when I stepped foot into the church was a long white coffin at the end of the building, near the very front on the altar.

And that's when my heart began to pound.

I stopped walking.

"Brittany?" Asked my Aunt Sylvia.

I turned around, and everyone was looking at me. But I saved his eyes for last. Alvin, who stood right behind Eleanor, was looking at me, and his eyes were full of worry.

My breathing became short and quick.

"Sweetie, it's okay." Whispered my aunt.

"I can't." I whispered abruptly. "I can't do it."

Aunt Sylvia sighed and put a hand on my hair. "I know it's hard, darling." She said. "But you're a strong girl. And I know your mother would want you and your sisters to be here with her, on her last day."

I closed my eyes, and I felt a tear run down my cheek. I nodded and I opened my eyes to look at my sisters. They were both looking to the ground, and I knew they were trying to avoid looking at the white coffin as well. I took a deep breath. "I know."

Aunt Sylvia smiled at us. "Be brave, girls." She whispered.

I inhaled deeply, and continued to walk. My sisters, Aunt Sylvia, Alvin, Simon, Theodore, Dave and I all took up the nearest chapel bench, while everyone else began filling the place up. I didn't dare to look at the white coffin, which stood just a few feet away from me. I had to turn away.

The priest began the ceremony once everyone was settled in. But I couldn't hear anything. I had my head on Jeanette's shoulder the whole time. All I could hear my was heart, thumping madly, and my sniffles from the waterfall of tears I let out. I couldn't stop crying.

Minutes later, it was time for the eulogies. I gulped, knowing that in a matter of minutes, I had to get up there, and say mine. But in the state I'm in now, I am not even sure I'll be able to get a single word out.

A few of Miss Miller's close friends started. Then it was Dave's. Dave said things like, how Miss Miller taught him a lot about parenting, and how the two of them had some memorable times, raising the 6 of us for the past 19 years, and how he couldn't of done it without her. Then it was Aunt Sylvia's turn. She cried throughout the whole speech, which made the whole building cry. I looked away. Aunt Sylvia lost her sister. I can NEVER imagine losing Jeanette or Eleanor.

Then, before I knew it, it was my turn.

A few days ago, Aunt Sylvia called me, and asked me if I could say something at Miss Miller's funeral. At first, I wasn't so sure because I knew it would be extremely hard. But my aunt said that it was something Miss Miller would like, since I was the oldest. And I just had to agreed. If I had to be apart in my mother's funeral, the least I could do was say something about her. I spent at least 8 hours in total, trying to write a decent speech, but it was one of the hardest things I've done in my life.

When Aunt Sylvia's speech was over, she signalled me to come up there. I stood up, with my speech in my hands. Everyone turned to me, and almost every single face in the church was wet with tears. I took a deep breath, and walked to the very front, and Aunt Sylvia sat back down beside my sisters. But what hurt me the most was the fact that Miss Miller's dead body, peacefully lying in her coffin, was just a few feet closer from where I now stood.

I stood up there for a few seconds and looked at the microphone. Then I looked at my sisters, then at Alvin. They were staring back at me. My fingers began to tremble, then I took a deep breath. My heart was pumping vigorously.

"My mother, Miss Miller." I began weakly. My voice echoed across the church. I cleared my throat and looked down at my piece of paper. "All my life, I've woken up to the sound of her voice, telling me it was ready for school. And now, even though I'm in college, I still wish I heard that. All my life, she stood behind me, and my sisters. There is no other person in this world who can live up to her."

I stopped for a bit, trying to contain myself.

"She was the most caring, most loving and most amazing woman in the world. She has raised us since we were just infants. She had the heart to adopt me and my sisters when no one else would, and she raised us as if we were her own children. I don't know where we would be without her." I said. "She was always there for our school talent shows, our school plays, or our science fairs. She would even take a day off of work, just to come and see us. And that takes real love to do that."

My voice was beginning to shake.

I closed my eyes for a few seconds before opening them again. "And I'm gonna miss her." I said, and my voice was now trembling. "And I know my sisters are gonna miss her. Miss Miller gave us everything. She gave us life. And I don't know why her life was taken away from her so quickly, because she was one of a kind, and the world will never have someone like her again. Miss Miller was special. I have never had someone who has loved me as much as her."

I took a deep breath. The piece of paper that I held was trembling. My fingers were shaking.

"She wasn't just a mom." I said. "She was a protector, she was someone who liked to give, rather than to recieve. She had the best sense of humour, she had the best laugh and the best smile."

My heart started to race. Tears started to fall.

"And she was like a best friend." I cried. "I knew I could come to her no matter what the reason was. She was just always there for us. She was the only person who I could talk to about anything. She was the only one who took the time to listen to my problems. And she was the only person I knew who could make me feel better after hearing her voice."

I looked over at my sisters. They were both sobbing quietly.

"I'm gonna miss the way she hugged us, the way she talked to us when we were sad." I said, my voice breaking as I said each word. "I'll always remember the smile she wore on her face. If you could sum up one word to describe her, it would the word 'love'. My mother was one of the most amazing people I have ever met and will probably ever meet. She was the best person I have ever known. She spent her life caring for others and she never put herself first. She was just that loving."

My breathing was getting heavy. Tears didn't stop falling.

"A-And I just wish I was there with her when she left." I bawled, my voice getting softer and weaker. "I would give anything to see her smiling face, and to hear her voice again. I would give anything to have her wrap her arms around me and my sisters one last time."

I looked back at my sisters. Jeanette was quietly sobbing into Simon's shoulder, while Simon dabbed at his eye. Aunt Sylvia had her arm around Eleanor. I couldn't see my youngest sister's face, but I could tell that she was crying as well. I gulped. I had one more thing to say.

I wiped my tear stained cheek with my fingers, and closed my eyes. "And Miss Miller always knew what to say." I opened my eyes to stare at everyone. "She always knew what to say and do whenever someone was sad." I said. "That was one of the things she was best at - making people feel special, no matter how terrible you feel about yourself."

I bowed my head for a moment and took a deep breath.

"10 years ago, she said something to me. It wasn't just advice. It literally changed me. And I still keep those words with me today, and I will never, ever forget them." I said. My voice was beginning to turn into a whisper at the end.

I bit my trembling lip, and looked at Alvin. Then I looked away, and to the ground. I was gonna say it. I needed to say these words out loud before I completely lost my mind. These words have affected me, changed me, in a way I never thought was possible.

"_'Don't be afraid to fall in love_.'" I said quietly. I gulped, and felt tears stream down my face. "Those were the words she said to me. And those words have really changed me, as a girl who is just starting her life."

I didn't dare look back at Alvin's face. I was almost 100% sure he was totally oblivious to what I had just said, and that was a good thing. But in a way, I just wish he could understand.

I sighed and looked up. "My mother has been a part of every single one of our lives." I said quietly. "But as of now, she's looking over all of us - her friends and her family. And she is now in a better place." I said, as fresh tears rolled down my cheeks. "I'm gonna miss her, with all my heart." I was now sobbing.

It took a while before I could regain myself. But nobody rushed me, and I was relieved. I turned to the coffin, and my heart just broke.

"I love you, mom." I whispered.

After my speech, I embraced my sisters, who cried on my shoulders. I held them until it was time to go out to the back, into the cemetery. It was time to bury her in the ground. The coffin was being led outside, but I pulled myself and my sisters as far away from it as possible. We didn't have the strength to go near it. It would just kill us.

Everyone made their way outside, into the cemetery's garden. Miss Miller's hole was already dug. I held Eleanor and Jeanette close to me as everyone surrounded the burial. One by one, people silently threw flowers down into the ground, while the song 'Angel' by Sarah McLachlan was playing in the background.

_In the arms of the angel..._

_Fly away from here..._

The lyrics touched me. The song drowned in my body, and I burst into tears.

That's where Miss Miller was right now - in the arms of an angel.

And slowly, as the seconds ticked, Miss Miller's coffin was gently put into the ground.

I couldn't watch. I looked away, and bumped into the chest of the person who stood right behind me.

It was Alvin.

I looked at him for a few seconds. I wanted to push him away. I still couldn't get over the fact that he had hurt me by kissing Victoria. But in that moment, I felt weak. My lips began to tremble as my eyes flooded with tears.

"Britt..." He whispered, knowing I would burst into tears any second now, and he pulled me close to him. And I surrendered. I couldn't back away. I began to cry into his chest. "It's okay." He whispered.

I couldn't answer back. I continued to cry. I wanted to yell at him, asking him why he's so stupid. I saw him kissing her, after he comforted me when I told him that Miss Miller died. How dare he be so inconsiderate? And how dare he fall in love with _her_, and not _me_?

Once my crying frenzy died down a bit, he pulled back to look me in the eyes. "Your speech was incredible, Brittany." He said softly. "I'm proud of you."

I wanted to ignore him, and turn away. But again, I felt so frail and weak. "I'm sorry for crying." I whispered, rather pathetically.

He shook his head. "Britt, don't worry about that. Cry all you want. It doesn't matter." He said gently.

I inhaled deeply and looked behind my shoulder. A few people were gently tossing flowers into the hole, while others bowed their head in sorrow, praying softly. I looked over at my sisters. Jeanette and Eleanor were crying softly together, while Simon and Theodore hugged them.

Alvin sighed. "You were so brave, standing up there, talking about Miss Miller."

I turned back to him, and looked down. "It was so hard." I whispered.

"But you did it." He said in a soft voice. "You should be so proud of yourself."

I closed my eyes. The image of my mother's face popped up in my head. I could remember all the memories we had with her. In the 19 years of my life, Miss Miller was truly the one who has made my life absolutely special.

I can remember the times she hugged me Jeanette and Eleanor, all the times she smiled at us, the times when my sisters and I would try and cook her breakfast for Mothers Day, the nights when she would tuck us into bed, the way she would sing in the mornings when she opened up our curtains, trying to get us to wake up for school. I even miss the way she sighed and complained when she walked into each of our bedrooms, seeing all the clothes and stuff we left on our bedroom floor.

I remember how Miss Miller would give us cookies and hot chocolate in the snowy Winters, when she would let us help her plant her garden in the Spring, take us to the beach in the Summer, harvest the vegetables and fruits in Autumn...

I remember our holidays with her. Every Christmas, Miss Miller, my sisters and I would make gingerbread houses, wrap presents all day, put up the tree, and decorate the entire house with lights and colour. We would always have Thanksgiving dinner with Dave and the boys, and when we were younger, Miss Miller would take the 6 of us Trick-or-Treating. And every year, she would bake us a cake for our birthday...

Our _birthday_...

Mine, Jeanette and Eleanor's birthday was in 2 days. And that was the day Miss Miller was suppose to come and visit us. A few weeks ago, my sisters and I were talking about her visit, and how excited we were to see her again. It was always on our mind. We couldn't wait to show her around the campus, where our classrooms were and everything.

But now, it would never happen.

It was hard to believe that my sisters and I are gonna grow up, without Miss Miller by our side anymore. Our lives have changed now that she's gone. Miss Miller always promised us, and reminded us each day that she loves us, and will always be there for us.

But Miss Miller will never get the chance to see me, Jeanette and Eleanor grow up.

And that's what killed me.

Because our mother, our amazing, loving mother, is now dead.

I burst into tears again.

Alvin pulled me back to him and held me as I cried against him.

"I can't believe she's gone." I bawled.

Alvin didn't say anything, and continued to hold me. No matter how much he was comforting me, I still couldn't get over the fact that he kissed Victoria.

I knew he was trying to be my best friend again, but I just couldn't allow it - not after kissing the roommate. Because after all this time, after all those nights of crying and suffering over my feelings towards him, he instantly broke my heart by falling for the wrong girl - falling for Victoria.

It took me a while to stop myself from crying, before I finally escaped from his grasp and stepped away from him. And he didn't hold me back.

Alvin didn't seem to notice how angry I was at him. He seemed to think I was still having a hard time coping with the loss of Miss Miller. And I was, of course I was. But the anger that built inside of me that day when I saw the two of them kissing, hadn't died away. In fact, my anger and heartbreak seemed to have increase. He was completely unaware that I saw him and Victoria kissing, unaware that I was so hurt by him, unaware that what he did wounded me on the inside - and unaware that no matter how angry I was at him, deep inside, I was still in love with him.

But, he was unaware that I was _even_ in love with him.

I wiped my tears, and turned around to look at the scene that was happening. Miss Miller's coffin was already in the ground, surrounded with the many flowers that everyone had tossed.

Then Aunt Sylvia handed Jeanette, Eleanor and I a flower. We each took one, and looked at her.

Aunt Sylvia, her eyes still damp with tears, smiled weakly and said, "I think you girls should throw the final ones." She whispered.

Neither me nor my sisters moved. I knew what they were thinking, because I was thinking the same thing - We just can't let Miss Miller go.

I sighed and looked at them. "You guys?" I whispered.

Eleanor turned to me and sighed. "I can't, Britt."

Jeanette shook her head in agreement.

I closed my eyes. I understood how they felt. My sisters were hurt by the loss of our mom. I was too, but if we kept this up, we'll be scarred for life. I felt a tear run down my cheek. "We have to." I whispered. "It's the only way to let her go."

"I know, but..." Jeanette sighed, unable to finish her sentence.

I opened my eyes to look at them. "We have to let her go, because we love her."

Those words echoed in my ears. Because those words were words that Miss Miller had once told me, the first time I called her, crying that I was in love. If we loved someone, the only way to escape the hurt was to let them go...

We have to let our mother go...

Eleanor sighed. "Okay." She whispered, and Jeanette nodded.

I wiped my tears before I took Jeanette's hand in my left hand, and Eleanor's in my right. We walked front, towards the middle of the crowd, just inches away from the hole in the ground. The 3 of us looked down. The peaceful white coffin laid within the soil, knowing that our mother's body was gently resting in peace inside. I looked over at my sisters, and it broke my heart to see them cry so much.

I closed my eyes for about 5 seconds, keeping strong for myself, and my sisters. "Thank you for everything you've done for us, and given us, Miss Miller." I whispered quietly, so low that only my sisters could hear. "We love you. We will always, always love you." I breathed. "And we're gonna miss you so much."

I began to tear up again. As much as it hurt us inside to look at the coffin that was in the ground, the 3 of us couldn't look away. Our mom was in there, now looking over us in her new place in Heaven.

I took a deep breath, and let go of my sisters' trembling hands. "Goodbye, mom." I whispered.

And we released our flowers.

* * *

**Awww man :'( Forget what I said about last chapter, THIS chapter is the saddest one I've ever written :(**

**Well, I know what some of you guys are thinking: Now with Miss Miller gone, where are the girls gonna live once the college year ends? Will they return home? AND WHEN WILL BRITTANY TELL HIM?**

**Well, hopefully, those questions will be answered in the upcoming chapters.**

**And do you guys know why I updated so quickly? Because you guys reviewed so fast! You are all AMAZING :D**

**Anyway, hope you enjoyed this heartbreaking chapter...PLEASE review! Thank you!**


	19. Barely hanging on

1 hour after the funeral...

After getting more tearful hugs and 'I'm sorry's, people began to leave the cemetary. Miss Miller's hole was already filled up, and her gravestone was beautifully set on the soft dirt. My sisters and I sat alone, beside Miss Miller's grave. Aunt Sylvia said the 3 of us needed time to get ourselves together, so she left us alone for a while.

Jeanette, Eleanor and I sat on the cold patch of grass beside her grave. None of us said a word. We just sat there as still as stone, breathing slowly, as our cheeks still flushed red, and stained from our tears. I read Miss Miller's gravestone in my head for what seemed to be the 100th time.

_Beatrice Miller_  
_Loving sister, friend and mother_  
_A beloved lady who inspired us and gave light to the world_  
_She will be truly missed_  
_But she will always be loved_  
_1945-2005_

I sighed, making the first sound between us in a long time, and looked at my sisters. "You girls okay?"

Jeanette nodded slowly, but she didn't look at me. "Yeah." She whispered.

Eleanor nodded too, and ran her fingers along the patch of green grass. "She's in a better place now, after all."

I inhaled deeply, and nodded. "She is." I said quietly, and looked behind my shoulder. Aunt Sylvia was standing a few feet away from us with Dave and the boys. I looked down and sighed again. Despite what happened today, we still had to drive all the way back to college. And it was at least a 4 hour drive to go back, and Dave had to go back and fourth, which will take him 8 hours, so I didn't want to give him anymore trouble by keeping them waiting. After a minute of silence, I said, "I think it's time to go back now."

Eleanor sighed. "Yeah, you're right."

The 3 of us stood up, and took one more look at the ground that held our mother's body. I held my sisters close to me and said, "You'll always be in our hearts, mom. We love you."

And after another minute of just standing there, we quietly made our way back to where Aunt Sylvia and Dave stood.

Our Aunt smiled at us and gave us a hug. "I'm extremely proud of you 3." She whispered to us. "And I know you have made your mother proud too. You were all so strong." She pulled back to look at our faces. Our faces were wet with tears again, which made Aunt Sylvia begin to tear up.

Dave spoke up quietly behind us. "We'll wait for you girls in the car when you're ready."

"Thanks, Dave." Said Jeanette softly.

Dave smiled then turned to the boys. "Come on, guys." He said, and the 4 of them started to make their way back to the car.

Aunt Sylvia looked at us, and wiped the tears on Eleanor's face. She sighed and said, "Well, I hate seeing you girls go. I've missed you all so much." She said, and we all smiled at her. "But I need to tell you girls one more thing before you leave, especially to you, Brittany."

I raised my eyebrows a bit. "Me?"

Aunt Sylvia nodded. "Yes." She said, and she took a deep sigh. "Before your mother passed, she made a will." She stopped to look at us and sighed. "I don't want to keep Dave waiting, so I'll make this short."

We just stared at her.

"Your house now belongs to you, Brittany." She said.

My heart felt like it had stopped. I couldn't believe what I had just heard. "What?" I asked quietly.

My aunt nodded. "Your mom handed the house over to you."

I gasped, but it was barely audible. I knew I shouldn't be feeling happy at the moment, because of everything that has happened in the past week, but a tiny smile formed on my face. The house. Miss Miller's house - the house we grew up in. MY house. "Me? B-But why?"

"Because you're the oldest, of course." Said Aunt Sylvia. "I mean, the 3 of you will still be living in it, but as of now, you own it." She said, looking at me.

I couldn't find the right words to say for a long time. "Wow." I whispered.

"But of course, that _is_ when you girls return home from college. And speaking of that, you girls need to be back there by tonight." Said Aunt Sylvia. "I know you girls still have the key to the house, but I'll give you the house's contract and everything once you girls return home to make it official, alright?"

We nodded.

Aunt Sylvia smiled again, and pulled us into one last hug. "I really hate seeing you go, but you have to get back." She sighed. "I love you, girls." She pulled back. "Take care, and be safe, alright?"

"We will." Said Eleanor.

She gave each of us a kiss on the cheek. "Bye." She said.

And then we made our way back to the car, where Alvin, Simon, Theodore and Dave waited for us. The car ride back to college took another 4 hours. I knew I should be thankful that Miss Miller handed the entire house to me, but I couldn't smile. She is now gone. She is dead. But I did feel way better than I had this morning. Because I knew that Miss Miller will be watching us, every step of the way, and that she will always be with us, and most importantly, she is now resting in a better place.

Once we arrived back at the campus, the sky had turned into a dark blue. Dave got out to help us, before saying goodbye to the 6 of us. He said an early Happy Birthday greeting to me and my sisters before he got back in the car, and drove away. The 6 of us walked back upstairs to our dorms, where the boys gave each of us a hug, and said goodnight. When Alvin hugged me, a part of me didn't want to let go, and I was on the verge of crying again.

But I did.

I did let go, because I knew if I spilled those 3 little words, I would get hurt all over again.

* * *

2 days later...

I _was _asleep, until I felt a pair of hands shake me. I tried pulling myself away, but then a voice spoke up.

"Britt!" Called Jeanette's voice. "Wake up."

I sighed, and groggily sat up to find Eleanor and Jeanette at the side of my bed. "Wha-"

"Happy Birthday!" They said together.

I sighed again but I couldn't help but smile. "Happy birthday to you guys, too." I said.

"Why thank you. Now wake up." Said Eleanor, pulling me up by the arm.

"Wait." I said, yawning. "What time is it?"

"It's past noon." Said Jeanette. "You kinda slept in."

I groaned. I was glad that there were no classes in session today, because of a huge teachers meeting, but even though it was a Friday, and our birthday, I wanted to go back to sleep. "Fine, fine." I said, walking over to the closet to get a new change of clothes.

I brushed my teeth, took a really quick shower, did my hair and changed into my new clothes before walking out into the kitchen. I was suprised to only find my sisters there, eating lunch.

"Where's the roommate?" I asked.

Jeanette sighed. "She has a name, you know."

I shrugged. "I know."

Eleanor slightly rolled her eyes. "Victoria said she was gonna visit her mom today or something."

I rolled my eyes. I remembered when Victoria told me about her life, and how it was basically just her mom who raised her all her life, because her dad was never there. And eventually, she found out that her dad had another family and blah blah blah. After seeing Victoria kiss Alvin, I honestly didn't give a crap about that girl.

"But she got each of us a present." Said Jeanette, pointing over to the kitchen counter where 3 gift bags sat. "She told us to tell you happy birthday from her, too. She said happy birthday to us, but you were asleep, so..."

"Aww, well isn't that sweet." I said bitterly. I'm not gonna act nice towards that girl. She got us a gift, so what? Because I doubt I'll open it. I don't even care.

Eleanor sighed, sensing how sour my voice sounded. "Come on, eat lunch."

I went over to the fridge and pulled out two slices of bread and a slice of ham and cheese, and made myself a sandwich. I sat down between my sisters and sighed. Today, Miss Miller was suppose to come and visit us. It hurt to know that we were suppose to see her face today, smiling at us, hugging us, and celebrating this day with us. But I kept on reminding myself that she's watching over us right now. And that she never really left us because she always has a spot in our hearts. But it killed me to know that this is the start of our birthdays and holidays that my sisters and I will have without Miss Miller.

Halfway through breakfast, when my sisters and I were just quietly talking about what we were gonna do today, we heard knocks coming from the front door.

I looked at them. "Who's that?"

Eleanor shrugged and got up. "Dunno." She said, and she disappeared around the corner to open the front door. And once I heard her unlock the front door, we heard...

"Happy birthday!"

I heard Eleanor laugh. "Aww, thanks guys! Come in."

And seconds later, Eleanor walked back into the kitchen, followed by Simon and Alvin.

I froze, and looked down, continuing to eat my sandwich.

Jeanette gasped. "Hey guys!"

"Hey!" Said Simon, leaning in to give Jeanette a hug. "Happy birthday you guys."

"Thanks!" Said Jeanette, returning the hug.

Alvin walked over to me and sat in the chair beside me. I sighed to myself and looked at him.

"Happy birthday." He said, grinning.

I forced a smile. "Thanks, Alvin."

"How're you feeling?" He asked softly.

I knew he was asking how I'd been doing within the past two days, ever since the funeral. I knew he was concerned about me, but deep inside me, I couldn't forgive him. Not after locking lips with Victoria. "Better." I said quietly.

He nodded, sensing that I was still pretty sensetive with this topic. So he changed the subject by looking up. "So, how does it feel to finally be 19?" He asked, looking at my sisters.

Jeanette laughed. "Old." She joked.

I cracked a smile at that. Yeah, 19 years old. I don't feel older, but in a way, I knew I had to start acting older. Alvin, Simon and Theodore were just 7 months older than us, but in Alvin's case, he didn't act a day more mature. But that's what made him Alvin Seville.

"So, what are you guys doing here?" Asked Eleanor.

"Well, it's your guys birthday, duh." Said Alvin.

Then Theodore appeared, with a big plastic box-thing in his hands. "Happy birthday!" He said, revealing what he was holding. He set it on the table, and my sisters and I crowded around it.

Eleanor gasped, while Jeanette and I grinned. "Awww! You guys! You shouldn't have!" Exclaimed Eleanor.

On the table sat a big, colourful chocolate cake with our names on it. It read 'Happy 19th Birthday Brittany Jeanette and Eleanor' and it was surrounded by pink, purple and light green sprinkles. The white icing was mounted up, looking like a cupcake top, while gorgeous candy flowers surrounded it.

I looked up at Theodore. "Did you make this?"

He shrugged and smiled. "Well, yeah. I made the cake, and Simon helped with the icing and decorations."

Jeanette turned to Alvin. "And you didn't help?" She asked in a joking matter.

"Hey, I wanted to help, alright?" He fired. "But they didn't want me to. They said I would probably screw the whole thing up if I went near it." He said, pointing at Simon and Theodore. My sisters and I laughed.

"Oh, and we have your presents back in our dorm. But they aren't really uh, ready yet." Said Simon. "And here's me, making my point." He said to Alvin, then he turned back to us. "We told Alvin the least he could do was to wrap your guys gifts. He said 'Sure, no problem.' But guess what we found this morning?"

My sisters and I bit our lips to prevent ourselves from laughing. We KNEW what his answer was. No matter how angry I was at Alvin, there was still that part of me that loved him as my best friend.

Alvin tried to defend himself before Simon could answer. He looked at us "I forgot okay?" He said, and we laughed.

"Yeah, we found your guys presents, still unwrapped, on the living room table this morning!" Simon told me and my sisters.

Alvin sighed. "Yeah, I know. I'm sorry, okay? But I got distracted!"

"You could of told Victoria to call you back." Said Theodore.

I felt my heart drop. "Wait, what?" I blurted out, feeling my blood rise to my cheeks. But no one seemed to notice my outburst. No one noticed how hurt I was. No one knew that I cared. Because no one knew that I was in love with Alvin.

"Apparently, Victoria called him, and they spent about 2 hours on the phone talking." Said Simon, rolling his eyes. He shrugged. "But anyways, we'll have your presents ready by tonight or something."

I felt my mood sink. I looked over at Alvin, and I literally wanted to slap him. But then I felt my heart break. I could never do that. But why the hell would he put something as stupid as VICTORIA in front of something like mine and my sisters' birthday? It hurt to know he put Victoria first. Was she that important to him? But then a heartwrenching reminder told me that he loved her. Not me. Her.

Eleanor sighed exasperatedly. "Darn. I was really looking forward to seeing what you guys got us." She said in a really dramatic voice. "Thanks a lot Alvin."

Alvin groaned. "It was an accident, Elle."

Jeanette laughed. "So, are you and Tori like, dating now?"

I wanted to get up and leave. I didn't want to hear his answer. I didn't want to be a part of this conversation at all. This was suppose to be about our birthday. So why are they bringing Victoria into this? Because if I had the voice to speak, Victoria's name would NOT be allowed to be said at all. But I didn't have the guts to say that - not with Alvin here.

I looked to the ground, pretending to look at the nail polish on my fingers, when Alvin said, "Well, yeah. We are."

I felt my face turn red.

"Aww, that's cute! Well, you-" Said Jeanette, but I cut her off.

"You guys." I said abruptly. "Let's eat cake."

They all agreed, and the boys took a seat at the table with us. Eleanor got out 6 clean plates and 6 clean forks and put them on the table. Simon stuck a candle shaped in the number 19 in the cake, lit it up, and they sang Happy Birthday. I tried my best to smile, telling myself that I should be happy, and that my mood shouldn't ruin my day, but it didn't work. After hearing what Alvin said about Victoria, all I wanted to do was forget about my birthday, go back into the bedroom, cover myself with my blanket and cry.

After Alvin argued with Simon, saying that he should do something, Simon finally let him slice the cake for us. We each handed him our plate, as he put a slice of cake on it.

"Britt." Alvin said.

I looked up, not realizing I was looking straight into space. "W-What?"

He put his hand out. "Your plate."

I looked at his hand, then to my plate. "Oh." I said unenthusiastically, and I handed him my plate. He gave it back when he put a slice on it, and got a slice for himself, and we all ate around the table.

"Mmm, the cake is so good." Said Eleanor, after taking a bite.

"It is!" Agreed Jeanette. "Thanks Theo. Thanks Simon." She said, looking at them.

"What about me?" Asked Alvin.

"You?" Asked Jeanette. "You did nothing!"

Alvin sighed. "Look, I'm _sorry_, alright?"

Jeanette and Eleanor laughed.

"So, what are you girls doing today for your birthday?" Theodore asked, minutes later.

Eleanor shrugged. "Honestly, we don't know." She said, her voice getting a bit softer. "We never celebrated our birthday without Miss Miller."

There was silence among the 6 of us.

"Oh." Said Simon, clearing his throat. "Well, the 6 of us could hang out today. You know, like we always do on our birthdays." He said, trying to make us feel better.

Eleanor and Jeanette smiled. "Yeah, sure." Said Jeanette.

Simon said, "Okay then. So, what do you guys wanna do tod-"

But he got cut off by the sound of a cell phone ringing.

We all looked at each other, but then our eyes focused on Alvin, who reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone.

He looked at his phone's screen, then looked at us. "Sorry, gotta get this." He said, and he stood up and walked out of the kitchen, and into the living room, out of earshot.

We all watched him leave, before Simon turned back to us. "Anyway, as I was saying, what do you guys wanna do today?"

We all discussed what our plans for today were. We were wondering if we should go to the theatre and watch a movie, or just watch one here. I had to admit, the tension in the room got all weird ever since Eleanor mentioned Miss Miller's name. It was clear that the boys didn't want us to feel uncomfortable, so they tried staying away from the topic of parents. But it made me smile, because it reminded me of all the past years when the 6 of us would get together and hang out for our birthdays. It was good to know that we were all still like that.

A few minutes later, we were just sitting there, our stomachs were absolutely full of all the cake we ate. I think we ate at least half of the cake.

"Anyone want more cake?" Asked Jeanette, but we all shook our heads. "Alright." She said, putting the plastic lid back on, taking the remaining cake in her arms, and storing it in the fridge.

Then Alvin came back.

"Who was it?" Asked Simon.

Alvin said, "Oh. It was Victoria. She..."

My face flushed with a burning red heat, not listening to the rest of whatever Alvin was gonna say. VICTORIA? That's why he left the room? To answer that girl's phone call? It hurt me to know that he KISSED that girl. It hurt me to know he 'forgot' to wrap mine and my sisters' birthday presents because Victoria called him last night. And now, it hurt me even more to know that he answered her phone call again on my _birthday_. Couldn't he just FORGET about her for just a minute? Can't he just forget about her at all? Did he really have to put her first on MY DAMN BIRTHDAY?

I had _ENOUGH_.

I stood up, feeling the heat and anger swim through my body like venom spreading from a snake bite. I literally pushed my chair in with force, almost making it topple over.

Everyone stared at me, wondering what the hell has gotten into me all of a sudden.

"Britt? Are you okay?" Asked Eleanor.

I ignored her and walked over to Alvin and looked at him. My breathing was getting hard and heavy. "I'VE HAD IT!" I screamed.

I could tell that Simon, Theodore, Eleanor and Jeanette were staring at me in shock, but my eyes were piercing into Alvin's eyes.

He looked at me, his eyebrows raised. "What did I d-"

"I'M SO F-CKING FED UP WITH YOU!" I screamed again.

"Brittany, what-"

"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" I yelled. "I'M SO SICK AND TIRED OF THIS!"

"Brittany! What the hell did I do?" Asked Alvin, looking slightly scared.

I didn't know how to respond, so I shoved past him, tears forming around my eyes, ran into my bedroom, and slammed the door behind me, making the doorframe shake.

I fell onto my bed, and I began to sob. What did I just do?

Because now I've done it.

Now he's wondering.

And soon enough, he's gonna find out - find out that I love him.

* * *

**Oh crap D: What's gonna happen now? **

**Damn, it looks like Brittany ruined her birthday for herself! But will Alvin go and talk to her? And is Brittany FINALLY gonna tell him? And if she does, what will Alvin say? What will her sisters, Simon and Theodore say? And worst of all, what will Victoria and Anthony say?**

**Looks like you guys just have to wait, sorry! But I hope you liked this chapter. Thanks for reading, and PLEASE review! Thanks everyone!**


	20. What hurts the most

I sat on my bed, tears streaming down my face. My heart was thumping rapidly, my breathing came out in short breaths, my eyes were red and puffy.

What just happened? Did I just yell at him? Did my anger just get the best of me? And did that all happen, right in front of our siblings?

I buried my face in my pillow, and I began to cry once more. What was happening to me?

Then, seconds later, I heard a voice from the other side of the door.

"Brittany, let me in, please."

"Go away!" I fired. Then I sighed while looking down at my tear stained pillow. I was acting so immature, like a little 3 year old. I closed my eyes.

"Brittany, please. I-I don't know what I did. Can I come in, please?"

I didn't respond.

After a few more seconds, he said, "Fine. I tried asking you nicely." Then before I knew it, the door swung open and Alvin walked inside. I couldn't look at him. I wanted him to go away, but I didn't have the strength to move or open my mouth. He moved across the room, and sat on Victoria's bed, facing me. "Britt..."

"Go away, Alvin." I said, not looking at him. I felt my heart pound within my ears.

He didn't say anything for a long time. Then after a minute or so, he asked, "Brittany, what did I do wrong?"

Tears couldn't stop falling. I just shook my head.

"What did I do?" He asked.

"Leave me alone." I said.

I heard him sigh in annoyance. "See, this is the problem with you, Brittany. I try asking you what's wrong, because I'm concerned, but YOU start the drama by not telling me anything. This has been happening for the past 2 months already, and I'm kinda tired of it. I just don't get why you don't tell me anything anymore."

"I don't have to tell you everything." I whispered.

"But why do I get the feeling that this, whatever is wrong with you, has to do something with me?" He asked.

I shut my eyes. "Just go away." I whispered.

"No!" He exclaimed. "What did I do, that made you so mad at me? Why did you just storm out of the kitchen? Because people normally don't do that without a reason, Brittany. And I know there's something bothering you."

I couldn't take it anymore. I can't tell him that I love him. I promised myself I wouldn't tell him, but in the scenario I'm in right now, all I could do was bite my tongue to prevent myself from spilling those 3 words.

I looked up, and stared at him. "Just go away." I whispered again, more threat-like than intended.

Then Alvin stood up, frustrated. "God Damn it, Brittany." He fired, making me jump. "What the hell did I do to you? Why have you been acting so weird ever since we started college? You were never like this! And don't say that there's nothing wrong with you because I'm not blind."

I just stared at him.

"What happened between us that night when we had that double date with Victoria and Anthony, when you ran away crying and I came to see what was wrong, and you f-cking yelled at me..." He took a deep breath. "I don't know why that happened. But I do know that _you_ know why that happened." He looked at me. "What did I do, Britt, that's made you...like this? You don't seem like the Brittany I grew up with. It's like...it's like you're afraid to be around me."

I took a deep breath, hurt and pained that he thinks that. "It's not that, Alvin."

"Then what is it?" He asked.

I sighed, and sat up straight. I didn't know how to answer. I couldn't use my excuse of being 'stressed with class' anymore because I know for a fact that he wouldn't believe me, and that'll just make things much worse.

"You just won't get it, okay?" I said to him, my voice gradually getting louder.

"Get what?" He asked, yelling back.

I bit my lip. I just can't tell him...

"Listen. I've been trying to leave you alone, Britt. After that night when we fought at the restaurant, I stayed away from you for 3 weeks because that's what I thought you wanted. I knew you wanted privacy, and so I gave you privacy. I thought it would be a good idea to let you calm down, after that night." He said. "But I guess I was wrong. You're becoming worse."

I looked at him, hurt and full of disbelief. "Becoming worse? What the hell is that suppose to mean?"

"I mean, this!" He exclaimed. "No matter how hard I've tried to get you to talk to me, you're becoming more distant from me each time I try and talk to you."

I said nothing. He was right. And now I understood the reason to why I hadn't seen Alvin for 3 whole weeks last month - because he thought I needed time to get myself together. And it hurt me to know that he did that because he cared, and all I could do was be a bitch around him. But he just can't know the truth. He can't know the reason to why I've turned into someone...different.

"Why is it me, though?" He continued. "I mean, you talk to Simon and Theodore just fine, but when you talk to me, you act so weird. Did you forget we were best friends growing up? Are you forgetting that we're still best friends? Did you forget that we even know each other at all?"

Again, I was so hurt to hear these words. "No." I said.

He just looked at me. "You were fine earlier when Simon, Theo and I came over. But when I came back from the phone call, that's when it happened again." He said.

I felt drops of my tears fall onto my hand.

He sighed. "I don't get what I did, Brittany. Why did you suddenly yell at me? What did I do? All I did was answer a phone call from Victoria, and when I came back, you-"

"STOP!" I said, looking at him. I suddenly found myself standing face to face with him. My face was heated, and my heart was drumming inside me. That's what threw me off - when he said Victoria's name. I had enough.

He just stared at me.

"Just stop!" I said, tears streaking my face.

Alvin sighed. "There, see what I mean?" He said quietly. "I don't know what I did wrong."

And he was right. There was something wrong with me. I didn't mean to yell at him for a reason he doesn't even know about, but he was so oblivious! Everytime he mentioned Victoria's name, it triggered something inside of me that made me yell. The image of them kissing, and hugging stabbed me. It was hurtful to watch, knowing that the boy I loved, didn't love me. He loved her, not me. It will never be me.

I shook my head. "No, you did nothing wrong." I whispered.

"Then tell me, please." He said.

I broke into hysterical sobs.

Alvin just stood there, not knowing what to do. I knew he was having a hard time seeing me cry, but he sighed. "Brittany, look, I just-"

I looked at him. "Why?" I whispered, cutting him off.

"Why what?" He asked.

I looked down to the carpet, ignoring the fact that my face was soaked with my tears. "Why her?" I said with difficulty.

I knew Alvin hated it when I didn't give out straight answers, but he just continued to stand there and look at me. "Brittany, who-"

"WHY VICTORIA?" I screamed, darting my eyes into his. Her name slipped out of my mouth like acid.

The look on Alvin's face was hard to read. "Victoria?"

"WHAT IS IT ABOUT HER THAT I DON'T HAVE?" I yelled again. My whole body was trembling. My breathing was dangerously heavy. It was as if fire was burning up inside me. And seconds later, I just realized what I just said.

Alvin stared at me, wide-eyed for a second, then said, "Brittany, I-I don't understand."

"WHY DO YOU LOVE HER?" I screamed, my voice now trembling as I cried. "WHY HER?"

I couldn't believe what I just said.

My voice echoed throughout the dorm. I didn't care if my sisters, Simon and Theodore heard. For all I know, their ears could be pressed onto the door right now, but that didn't matter to me. I've had it. I've had it with keeping this in. I've had it with keeping my feelings for him inside me, locked up, pounding against the walls inside my body. I promised myself I wouldn't tell him, but something inside me set me off. My tongue was burning with the 3 words. It just had to come out. It just had to come out soon.

"I-I..." He shook his head. "Brittany, what's-"

"WHY DO YOU LOVE HER," I breathed. "AND NOT ME?"

The words slid off my tongue, as my heartbeat raced quicker and quicker as the seconds ticked by.

Alvin just looked at me, not believing what he just heard. This is what I feared - his expression, the thoughts in his head, his reaction, and what he was gonna say.

He gulped. "Brittany, I-I...I don't _understand_." He said, but we both knew he meant 'understand' in a different way.

I looked down to the floor. Even I couldn't believe what was happening. What was I doing? Not only was I hurting myself, I knew I was hurting Alvin as well. "I-I can't explain it. I'm sorry." I whispered.

"No, tell me." He said.

I wanted to run away. But he got a grab of my arm. I looked at him, my eyes were over-flooding with new tears.

"Brittany." He said, releasing my arm. "I don't get it."

I didn't know what to do. I didn't know who I was for a second. My brain felt like it was gonna explode any second now. I was full of grief, confusion, heartbreaks, frustration, anger, agony, jealousy and hatred.

I bit my trembling lip as I stared into his eyes. "Why don't you get it?" I whispered.

He looked back into my eyes. I could tell he was confused. "I don't get how Victoria turned up in this conversation."

I stared at him, my eyes widened. Is that why he doesn't understand? How can he NOT understand that I was in love with him? I've given him so many clues, and yet, he still didn't understand. He was wondering why that girl came up in this conversation? Is that really all he was concerned about? All he could think about was _Victoria_. I couldn't believe his stupidity, his arrogance - his _choice_.

"I cannot believe you." I said to him.

He opened his mouth to say something, but I cut him off.

Tears started to fall down my cheeks again. "I cannot believe that you can't see that I love you."

_I love you_

When those 3 words finally came out, it was as if 20 pounds were lifted off my shoulders. After all that time, I finally said it. But then I looked at Alvin, and that 20 pounds of hurt came back to me. He just stared at me, wide-eyed, and unbelieving.

After 30 long seconds, I felt as though my heart dropped and shattered to the floor. I felt my cheeks flame up. Alvin seemed like he was made of stone - he didn't move at all. I looked at him, afraid and insecure. What did I just do? My teeth chattered as my lips shook. My fingers felt ice cold, and burning hot at the same time. I was beginning to regret everything.

Did I seriously just tell him?

"Alvin." I whispered, unable to stand any more seconds of silence. "P-Please say something."

He just looked at me. His face read confusion all over it. He gulped. "What do you mean?" He asked, referring to the statement I just said a minute ago.

I closed my eyes, unable to look at his face. I didn't want to repeat those words, but it just came out quicker than last time. "I mean..." I took a deep breath. "I-I love you." I whispered.

I heard nothing but the intense beat of my pounding heart.

He shook his head. "Brittany, I still don't get it. What do you mean?"

I stared at him in disbelief. "Alvin, I love you." I said, my voice was shaking.

Alvin said nothing. We both just stood there, looking at each other. "You love me?" He asked slowly. "What?"

I closed my eyes. "What do you think?"

"No." He said. "Brittany, h-how, wh-what-"

I opened my eyes to look at him. "Alvin, I love you." I cried, not believing that I had said those words again. But my stomach clenched and twisted everytime I said them.

He looked at me, scared and shocked. It took him a while before he said anything. "L-Love?" He stuttered. "What do-"

I was so hurt to know that he still didn't understand. "I'm in love with you, Alvin!" I sobbed. The words came out so easily, but it was so hard to hear them out loud. "Why is it so hard for you to understand?"

I heard him gasp ever so quietly to himself. His eyes were still on me. "Wh-...How?"

My whole body trembled. I shook my head. "What do you mean HOW?" I exclaimed.

Alvin didn't say anything for a long time. "How did this happen?"

"Why? Why do you care how it happened?" I exclaimed, hurt. "Do you not understand what I'm going through right now?" I cried. Why did I get the strong feeling that he couldn't believe everything that was happening right now?

"How long has this been going on for?" He asked, looking to the ground.

"Why does it matter to you?" I exclaimed, wiping my tears with my shaking fingers.

"How long, Brittany?" He fired, still not looking at me.

I gulped. I didn't want him to know that I realized I was in love with him ever since I saw him and Victoria lock eyes with each other for the very first time. Because he would know I was in love with him for 2 months now, and he would know that THIS is the real reason to why I haven't been acting like myself. He would know that because I am in love with him, this is how I became an emotional wreck.

But I couldn't lie to him anymore. "Since September." I whispered.

He nodded. "Thought so."

I broke into tears. "Alvin, I'm sorry. I-"

"I get it now." He said.

I just looked at him, still breathing short from my sobs.

"Is this why you haven't been yourself?" He said, looking at me. "Because you...because you've been in love with me all this time?"

I closed my eyes. "Yes."

"Why didn't you tell me, Brittany?" He asked.

My vision was obstructed by my tears. "Because I didn't know how you would take it! I didn't know if you'd be able to understand!" I cried. "We both know that we love each other like best friends, but if you found out that I'm in love with you, I-" I took a deep breath. "I didn' want to lose you. I didn't want to lose my best friend."

Alvin just stood there.

"I didn't want to scare you away. But this is what I've been living through the past 2 months. I've been trying to keep my feelings inside of me, but I just can't anymore!" I sobbed. I felt like I was going insane.

He said nothing.

And I couldn't keep it in anymore. I had to say it.

"And it hurts me to see you with Victoria!" I sobbed. "Why are you with her, Alvin?"

Again, Alvin remained silent.

"I love you, Alvin. And I know you don't love me back in the same way, but..." I stopped, wondering if I should say the next part, but I said it anyway. He had to know. "But I'm better than Victoria. I'm better for you!"

He looked at me.

"I'm better for you than her! Alvin, I've known you since we were 5. I know you better than she knows you. I love you more than she loves you, so please..." I sobbed, unable to carry on. "Alvin, I love _you_."

I felt like I, myself, was gonna collapse any second now.

"I'm the only girl who knows you well. Alvin, can't you see that I'm better for you?" I cried, my voice was breaking up. "I want to be with you! I don't want you to be with Victoria. I don't get why you're with her!" I cried. I knew I sounded pathetic and desperate, but I couldn't contain myself. I felt like I needed to choke for air. I was aching on the inside.

"Is this why you hate Victoria? Because she's my girlfriend?" He asked after a moment of silence, avoiding what I had just said.

The word 'Girlfriend' burned in my ears. I've hated Victoria ever since I met her, way before she and Alvin started to go out, but in a way, yes. I've been hating her ever since I found out she and Alvin started dating. "Alvin, no. I-It's not like that."

He shook his head. "I don't get why you dislike her so much." He said. "She's told me, Brittany. She's always asking me why you hate her so much. Now I know."

I gulped hard. "Alvin, no. It's not that, I promise!" I lied.

"I don't get why you hate her so much. What has she ever done to you?" He asked, furiously. Then he sighed. "But I guess I shouldn't be surprised. It's such a typical thing coming from you."

I stared at him, hurt. I was extremely hurt by what he had just said. I didn't know what to say.

"Victoria says she wants to be your friend, but you act like such a...like such a bitch to her." Fired Alvin. "Victoria has been nothing but nice to you, Brittany."

My mouth hung open for a few seconds before my anger got the best of me. "WHY ARE YOU STANDING UP FOR HER?"

Alvin just looked at me for a long time. He didn't say anything.

"WHY ALVIN? CAN'T YOU SEE THAT I'M CRYING RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I JUST TOLD YOU THAT I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU?" I fired. "WHY DO YOU CARE ABOUT HER SO MUCH?"

Alvin sighed deeply, then looked into my eyes. "Because I love her."

Those 4 words went through me like a knife. It was as if it sliced me, leaving me as nothing. My eyes flooded with tears, and I turned away from him, ran to bedroom door, swung it open, ran out, and swung it behind me. I started to bawl. I couldn't believe and I couldn't understand what he just said.

I can't believe it.

I ran across the dorm, and I found Eleanor, Jeanette, Simon and Theodore sitting silently in the living room. They looked at me, and I knew that they overheard everything. I heard Alvin walk out of the bedroom.

"Brittany, stop. Can we just talk, please?" He asked.

My hands were on the front door's doorknob. I turned to him, tears streaking my face. I couldn't believe what was happening. I felt sick. "F-CK YOU!" I screamed, before swinging the door open with so much force it made a loud BANG, and running out, through the halls, and out the school.

I did it. I told him I loved him. I finally told him I loved him.

But I got the reaction I expected from him.

And he said it. It came out of his own mouth - He doesn't love me. He loves her.

And now everyone knows.

And not only did I just make a fool out of myself, I hurt myself too.

The hardest thing is seeing the person you love, love someone else.

But the most painful thing is hearing the person you love say that he loves someone else.

* * *

**Oh god D: Well, what in the world just happened there? She finally told him, but look what happened :(**

**What's gonna happen now? Did Brittany just ruin hers and Alvin's friendship for good? Damn, she must be extremely hurt to hear Alvin say that he loves Victoria, and not her :( And what's Victoria gonna say when she finds out? And what will happen between Victoria and Brittany? And what about everyone else's reaction?**

**And yeah, I censored the F word. I didn't really have to, but some people are kinda sensitive with swear words, so I 'bleeped' them out.**

**Well, anyway, I hope you guys liked the chapter! And PLEASE PLEASE review! Thanks everyone!**


	21. Two timer

4 hours later...

I spent the last 4 hours alone, sitting through the freezing cold October weather, crying. What just happened to me? What did I just do?

I didn't care if today was my birthday and I didn't care if I had just ruined it for myself. I just couldn't believe that I told him. I finally told him I loved him. I cried, yelled, expressed my personal hell to him, how it hurt me to see him with Victoria, and how I was better for him, and that I was in love with him. I actually told him I was in love with him. He finally understands why I haven't been acting like myself for the past 2 months. He now knows that I've been in love with him all this time.

But what killed me the most was when he told me who he loved. The words that I said, and the words that he said, burned in my mind. Just remembering his response killed me emotionally, and it made me break out into tears again.

_"WHY ALVIN? CAN'T YOU SEE THAT I'M CRYING RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I JUST TOLD YOU THAT I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU?" I fired. "WHY DO YOU CARE ABOUT HER SO MUCH?"_

_Alvin sighed deeply, then looked into my eyes. "Because I love her."_

He loves Victoria. He said it to my face. And when he said those words to me, a part inside of me had died. When you are in love and you get hurt, it's like a cut - eventually, it will heal, but there will always be a scar - a scar from hearing him say that he loves Victoria. But I don't think it will ever heal for me.

And that's what set me off. My anger flooded through my veins. I was so hurt. I now know for a _fact _that he doesn't love me. He will never love me.

And I'm pretty sure that my sisters, Theodore and Simon know the truth too. Yes, I was ashamed that they overheard everything, but in a way, they had to know as well. I was now afraid to face Alvin forever. I didn't know what to do anymore. He was once my best friend. But now, it'll be as if we had never met. I don't think I can ever face him again.

And after what happened today, I'm not sure he would ever like to see my face again.

But no matter what we went through today, no matter how hard those words have pierced through me, no matter how many tears I shed, I know that deep inside of me, I am still in love with him. My feelings won't change. I love him, even though I know he doesn't feel the same. And I know that I am better for him than Victoria.

But as of now, I am nothing but a girl who just had her heart shattered into a trillion pieces, unable to piece them back up, and doing nothing but cry over the agony that the boy I love gave me.

But I told myself I had to go back. I had to go back upstairs to my dorm. I didn't know if I would be able to stay strong, but I just had to go back. I've spent the last 4 hours here, and I was getting cold. But my emotions were overshadowing me. I couldn't do, or think about anything except for what just happened between me and Alvin. I've told myself in the past that if I ever told him, I should expect the reaction he gave. But never in a million years did I think that it would be so hard to accept.

But I made my way back to the dorm campus, up the stairs to my floor, and walked to my dorm. My fingers were shaking as I pulled my keys out. I twisted the key, and opened the door. I walked inside, my cheeks flushed, and closed the door behind me.

Eleanor and Jeanette appeared out of the kitchen. They looked at me for a moment, as if they were afraid I might explode with anger again. I darted my eyes away from them. They know everything now. I've wanted to tell them ever since, but I never had the strength to. But now they know that I am in love with Alvin Seville. But they also know that Alvin doesn't love me back.

"Britt..." Jeanette said softly.

I knew they heard everything, I knew they know everything, so there was no point in keeping my feelings in. Because I have done that for the past 2 months, and look at what it's done to me.

I looked at both of my sisters, and I suddenly burst into tears.

"Brittany!" Exclaimed Eleanor, and she and Jeanette came over to me. They pulled my crying self over into the living room and sat me down on the couch, and they each sat on either side of me. "Britt, shh. It's okay." Said Eleanor, rubbing my arm.

I shook my head. I was emotionally damaged forever, because I fell in love with the boy I least expected to fall in love with.

"Britt, talk to us." Said Jeanette quietly, but I shook my head again. "The boys left a few hours ago. Don't worry, it's just us 3. Brittany, it's alright."

"I don't know what to do anymore!" I sobbed, almost screaming.

My sisters said nothing for a while. I heard Eleanor inhale deeply. "Just talk to us, if that'll make you feel better. We're your sisters. You can tell us anything. We won't judge you."

I didn't have to think twice. I couldn't keep my feelings inside of me any longer. I've lived through that, having my feelings locked up inside of me for two months, and it literally made me insane. It was like keeping a secret, but you wanted to yell it out so badly, just to get it out of you.

"I-I-I love him." I stuttered in a whisper.

"We know, Britt." Jeanette said gently, rubbing my hair.

"And I don't get why it hurts to love him!" I yelled tearfully. "I don't get why he's with her, and not me!" My breathing was heavy and short. "WHAT THE HELL DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?"

My sisters said nothing again, and I continued to sob dangerously.

"It's not your fault." Jeanette told me, taking a tissue from the tissue box, and dabbing it on my tear stained cheeks.

"Yes it is!" I exclaimed, looking at her. "Don't you see why this is wrong? I fell in love with Alvin Seville! Did you guys EVER expect me to fall in love, especially with someone I've known for 15 years? Especially to him? Someone who was my best friend? This is why this is wrong! I fell in love with the guy I least expected to fall in love with!"

"Britt, it's not wrong." Said Eleanor. "We understand if you love him."

"No, you don't understand! He doesn't love me! This is why I haven't told anyone! Because I was afraid of what he will say!" I cried out. "God, I don't know what the hell I was thinking! Why the hell did I fall in love with him in the first place?" I continued to cry again.

I didn't know who I was. I felt so weird, so different. It was like my feelings and emotions were possessing me. Yet, the only thing I could do was cry. I'm crying my heart out, hurt and heartbroken, all because of him. All because I fell in love with my best friend...

"I hate him." I whispered, tears falling into my lap.

"No, Britt, don't say that." Said Eleanor.

"I HATE HIM!" I screamed, feeling like my lungs were going to break any moment now.

Eleanor turned to me. "Brittany, look at me." She said, but I turned away, embarrassed to show my tearful face. "You don't hate Alvin, you know that. You still love him."

"Don't say that I love him!" I cried. "Because look at what's happened to me! Look at what's happened to me, because I love him! I don't know what to do anymore!"

My sisters didn't respond. Everything I was saying was true. I was so full of emotions, so overwhelmed with everything, so confused, so hurt, so furious, that I don't even know what to do with myself anymore. I felt so useless, so worthless, like my life didn't matter anymore. I didn't care about anything anymore. Everything seemed meaningless, and pointless. What was the point of my life, if I was gonna continue like this? I don't want to keep getting hurt, but I had no other path to take.

I started to cry again, releasing a new batch of tears. I hung my head down, and buried my face in my hands. "Why is it so hard to let him go?" I cried.

"Because you love him." Said Jeanette, quietly. "You love him, Brittany. And you know you can't deny that."

I shut my eyes tighter. All I wish I had right now was my mother. I needed Miss Miller...

After a few seconds of complete silence, I looked up to look at my sisters. "I'm sorry for all of this."

Jeanette and Eleanor looked at me. "No, no, Britt! Don't be sorry about this at all." Said Jeanette.

I shook my head. I felt like crap. I felt horrible. "No! I ruined our birthday. I am so sorry. I didn't mean to screw this day up." I whispered. "It-it's just...I just need someone to talk to." I sobbed, my mind darting back to Miss Miller.

"You can tell us anything, Brittany. If you want to tell us, we're here to listen." Eleanor said quietly.

I told myself that my sisters are all I have now. With our mother dead, they're the only ones whom I can talk to about anything now. Because I can't talk to the one guy that I have told everything to anymore. But I'm just hoping that my sisters will understand. I just needed to get it out.

I began to explain everything. To the first time I realized that I was in love with Alvin, and how it was almost impossible to accept the fact that I am in love with him. To the time Victoria told me she asked Alvin out, and how he said yes, and how it crushed me, and how Alvin began to notice the changes in my behaviours, which began this whole thing about me becoming an emotional wreck. To the first time I called Miss Miller, crying to her, and telling her that I fell in love with a boy who doesn't feel the same, and when she told me that if I loved someone, I had to let them go. To the time when I bumped into Anthony, and got that stupid idea of mine, and to that fight Alvin and I had at the restaurant when I said those cruel words to him. To how Anthony told me he was falling for me, and how I lied that I liked him back, and how that night, I called Miss Miller again, telling her that my life is falling apart, because I am in love with Alvin Seville.

And finally, I told my sisters what Miss Miller told me 10 years ago.

_"Don't be afraid to fall in love."_

They listened to my story, and when I finished, I was crying even more than I had been earlier. Both of my sisters hugged me, as I cried on Jeanette's shoulder.

"Why does he love her?" I whispered tearfully. "What does Victoria have, that I don't?"

"Don't blame anything on yourself, Britt." Said Jeanette, gently.

I closed my eyes. "I feel so stupid for falling in love with him in the first place." I whispered with effort.

"Brittany, it's not your fault." Eleanor said quietly.

"Everything's my fault, Elle." I said. "If I hadn't of fallen in love with him, none of this would be happening. I don't even remember how I fell in love with him." I sighed. "Why does he love her, and not me?" I whispered, new tears rolling down my face.

"Don't get mad at yourself. Nothing is your fault." Eleanor whispered again.

After a moment of silence, I asked, "W-When I ran out earlier, what...what did the boys say?"

Jeanette sighed and looked down. "Well, Simon and Theodore were...shocked." She said. "They didn't really say anything. The 4 of us just kinda stared at each other for a while. We were all...surprised."

I looked down, feeling my heart pump faster. "What about Alvin?" I asked, feeling my fingers tremble again when I said his name.

My sisters froze. They didn't say anything.

"What did he say?" I asked.

Eleanor sighed and said, "Britt, I don't think-"

"What did he say?" I repeated, although I was afraid to hear the answer.

Eleanor didn't say anything for a long time. She looked away. "He was angry, Britt." She said quietly.

I knew it. I closed my eyes. My chest began to ache.

"B-But I think it's just because he was frustrated and overwhelmed by everything." Continued Eleanor, still in a soft voice. "I don't think he's mad at you."

I felt hot fresh tears run down my cheeks. "That's because he hates me."

"Alvin would never hate you." Said Jeanette in a quiet, but serious voice.

"I just told him that I'm in love with him!" I said. "I told him that he shouldn't be with his girlfriend, and that he should be with me! Of course he hates me!"

"No, Britt-" Said Eleanor, but I cut her off by standing up, and running to my bedroom door. I slammed the door behind me, and fell onto my bed, releasing my inner pain and agony as if there was no tomorrow.

I have never been hurt like this before. I have never felt like this. I felt like I was going insane, like I was mentally ill. But I wasn't insane, I was just in love. When people say that 'Love hurts', I say 'Love kills'.

* * *

1 week later...

Victoria came back from her visit to her mom on Monday, which was 3 days after our birthday. It is now the following Friday, the first week of November. When she came back, I could tell that my sisters saw her differently now. I knew my sisters didn't have a problem with her, but they knew I did. But they still managed to stay friendly with her. Victoria moved back into our bedroom, and my sisters made me promise that I wouldn't do anything to show how much I hated her.

But I didn't say anything to her at all. As usual, I pretended she didn't exsist. I'm not even sure it's possible to dislike someone as much as I dislike Victoria. When she came back, she was all like, _'Hiiiii guuuyssss! Ohmygawd, like how was your birthdaaaay? I hope you guys had fuuuuuun!'_

Stupid bitch. If only she knew how our birthday went. All because of HER and her _boyfriend_.

It was a cloudly Friday afternoon. I just got out of class, and I was walking back to the dorm when I found mail in front of our door. I picked it up. There was a letter for Eleanor, and one for Victoria. I walked inside the door, and it seemed like I was alone. I dropped the letters on the kitchen counter before I decided to go into my room to start on my homework, when I heard a voice.

"Yeah, I just got back."

It was Victoria's voice, coming from the bedroom. It sounded like she was talking to someone. I felt my face heat up. Who was she talking to? I was about to turn around and walk away before I got really mad, when she began to laugh.

"Awww, really?" She said, giggling.

I walked towards the bedroom door, and pressed my ear against it. I didn't hear a second voice, so I was guessing she was on the phone with someone. But then my heart began to beat rapidly. The first and only name that popped into my mind was _Alvin_.

Victoria giggled again. "You're so cute."

I swear, I could almost hear my heartbeats through my chest. My face got all hot. I couldn't believe it. No matter how hard I cried, telling him that I loved him, he was still in love with her.

Then I heard Victoria sigh. "Yeah, college is going okay for me, I guess. What about you?"

Wait. I was suddenly confused. Why is she asking Alvin about college? They see each other every f-cking day of the week.

"That's good." Said Victoria, after a few seconds. "Well, I miss you."

I was about to lose it.

"I love you, Daniel." Said Victoria. "I'll talk to you soon, okay? Bye."

I froze. I felt my heart rate slow down in a bit of relief, but I was in utter shock. I gasped to myself. So she wasn't talking to Alvin, but some guy named Daniel? _'I love you, Daniel. I'll talk to you soon, okay? Bye.'_ Those words were said by Victoria, which twisted my brain. She said 'I love you' to some guy, but she's dating Alvin. I mean, who the hell is Daniel anyway? She's Alvin's girlfriend, but she said 'I love you' to someone else? I felt confused, but I had a sick feeling about this.

And before I knew it, Victoria opened the door. I almost forgot that my head was leaning against it, and I almost fell in.

"Oh." Said Victoria.

"S-Sorry." I said, and I realized that that was the first word I had said to her ever since she came back from visiting her mom. "I was gonna get something inside."

Victoria just raised her eyebrows and walked past me, and into the kitchen. I looked at her, confused. Usually Victoria would be all sweet and forgiving, but she just ignored me. That wasn't her. I dropped my books and bag on my bed and went into the kitchen. She was at the table, and I walked in, trying to look for some something to eat in the fridge. She didn't look up at me once. Yeah, I know I'm not friends with her, but I've been living with her for almost 3 months now, and this weird attitude of hers was not like her.

I decided to speak up. "Oh, you have mail. It's on the count-"

"I know." She said. She stood up, grabbed her letter, and turned on her heel to walk away.

What the hell was wrong with her? "Victoria." I said, wondering what the hell happened to that irritating sugary pink sweet annoying attitude of hers.

She turned to me. "What?" She asked.

I looked at her in disbelief for a few seconds. "You okay?" I asked. Okay, I honestly didn't give a crap about this girl, but this new change in her attitude was weird.

She raised her eyebrows again. "I'm fine." She stated.

"Then why-"

She cut me off. "Well, except for the fact that you just told my boyfriend that you're in love with him."

I froze.

"Yeah, Alvin told me. He told me everything." She said bitterly. When I didn't say anything, she said, "So is that why you've hated me ever since?" She asked, but I remained quiet. "Hm, thought so. Well, hate to break it to you, but Alvin is with me."

I felt my heart sink.

"Listen Brittany, I honestly did nothing wrong to you, but you've been such a bitch to me, that I totally lost respect for you." She fired. "And now, especially when you told Alvin that you love him."

My heart began to jump. But I tried to keep cool. "Whatever." I said quietly.

She rolled her eyes at my attitude. "I love Alvin, okay? So stop trying to get between us." She said, looking at me.

What she just said set me off, as if fire and acid swam through me. I wasn't just angry and furious. I was more than that. I had enough. I couldn't contain myself. "You love him?"

"Yeah, I do." She said matter-of-factly.

"Oh yeah?" I fired. "Then who's Daniel?"

And when I asked her that, I saw her freeze in her spot.

Victoria looked at me, and I could tell she was trying to keep calm. "I-I don't know what you're talking about." She said.

"Oh, I think you know exactly what I'm talking about." I said sourly. "I heard you talking to someone on the phone. To some guy named Daniel, and I heard you say I love You to him. How are you gonna deny that?" I felt so angry, I was about to erupt.

"He...That was my brother." She said.

It only took me 5 seconds to rack through my brain. I raised my eyebrows. "You told me that you were an only child." She said nothing for a long time, as if trying to find another excuse. I took that as an advantage to call her out. "Who's Daniel?"

She dodged what I just said. She stared at me for a few seconds and said, "You're just jealous."

"What?" I asked, in disbelief.

"You're just jealous that Alvin's my boyfriend, and that he loves me. He told me that he loves me." She said.

I opened my mouth to say something, but closed it. I felt weak, I felt sick. He told her? I wanted to run away, but I wasn't going to. I wasn't going to let her win over me. I wasn't going to show her how weak I was. I regained myself after a few seconds, and looked at her. "Y-You're dating someone else, aren't you."

She just looked at me. "You have no proof."

"I heard everything." I said.

She didn't say anything after that.

"You have another boyfriend." I said, quietly but furiously. "That Daniel guy, he's your boyfriend."

Victoria looked at me, and raised her eyebrows. "Fine. You got me. Very good." She said, but the tone in her voice showed that she didn't care that she just revealed the truth. "Yeah, I do have a boyfriend back at home. So what?"

My mouth hung open. "Bu-But you're dating..."

She shrugged. "I know." She added devilishly.

I couldn't believe what was happening. I was staring at my roommate, not believing that _this _was coming out of her mouth. I would of NEVER thought that someone like Victoria could do something so menacing like this. She just told me that Alvin told her that he loved her, yet, she also told me that she has another boyfriend back at home, whom she said 'I love you' to. I just stood there, shocked.

"But Alvin..." I whispered.

Victoria smiled at me, but I could tell that it wasn't a real smile. "He wouldn't believe you." She said, then laughed lightly to herself. "I mean, after what happened between you guys, do you think he'll believe you?"

I said nothing. I couldn't move.

"And besides..." She said. "Who's he gonna believe? You? Or me, his girlfriend?" She just looked at me, and smiled, knowing that I couldn't answer her. She turned around, walked to the bedroom, and closed it behind her.

I continued to stand there, staring into blank space. _I can't believe it_. What the hell just happened?

If Victoria has another boyfriend, then why is she with Alvin? Why is she dating Alvin? Why did she tell me she LOVES Alvin, while she said 'I love you' to that Daniel guy? Is she using Alvin? Does she actually love him? I had the urge to go run and tell Alvin, despite how afraid I was to see him, and tell him - tell him that I was right. That I was better for him, and that I truly love him, and that he should love me. Not Victoria - that two-timing, cheating bitch. But Victoria was right. After what happened between us, he would never believe a word I said.

But I knew what I had to do.

I wasn't going to let Victoria hurt him.

* * *

**OHMYGOD. **

**Well, I guess Victoria isn't who we thought she was. But seriously though! Can you believe that she has another boyfriend? Unexpected, huh! D: **

**And will Brittany have the guts to tell Alvin? But do you think he'll believe her?... :(**

**I really hope you guys liked the chapter! And PLEASE review! Reading your reviews make my day :) And hopefully, I'll update really soon again. Thank you guys!**


	22. Tell me the truth

I told Jeanette and Eleanor everything that night.

I couldn't stand being in the same room with Victoria anymore. But unfortunately, I didn't have a choice. She was still my roommate. I still lived in the same dorm as her, but before her scandal came out, I saw her as this bleach blonde headed girl, who's annoying attitude was sweeter than sugar, chocolate and caramel mixed together. But now, I see her as her true self - a two faced, cheating, lying bitch.

But I still couldn't believe it. Just a week after Alvin told me that he didn't love me, and that he loved Victoria, Victoria tells me that she has another boyfriend. I couldn't stand the fact that she was two timing Alvin. I couldn't stand the fact that all this time, I was right. But what hurt me the most was that I couldn't tell him. Not only was I afraid to face him after what happened to us, I also didn't want him to get hurt.

That night, when Eleanor and Jeanette came back to our dorm after their class ended, I pulled them into their bedroom, closed the door, made them sit down on the bed, and I explained everything to them - everything I heard, everything I said, and especially everything Victoria said.

My sisters sat there, shocked.

"Britt, you're joking." Said Eleanor.

I shook my head. "Why would I be joking about something like this?" I asked quietly.

Eleanor's mouth hung open. "Are you serious?" She exclaimed softly. We had to speak quietly because we didn't want to get overheard by Victoria, who was just in the room next to the one we were in.

I nodded.

"A-And she actually admitted it?" Asked Jeanette.

I looked at them. "She said it to my face, guys. I heard her talking on the phone with some guy. She said 'I love you' to that guy."

"What were her exact words?" Asked Jeanette.

I shook my head. "I can't remember her exact words, but she told me. She told me herself that she has another boyfriend."

"And she wasn't even afraid that you found out?" Asked Eleanor.

"No." I said. "It was like, she didn't even care."

It was quiet for a few seconds. Eleanor looked at me. "Britt, you have to tell Alvin."

"No." I said automatically, not making eye contact.

Eleanor sighed. "Britt, it's the-"

"I know, Elle." I whispered, looking at her. "Do you think I want Alvin to date a girl who's cheating on him? Of course not. And of course I want to tell him. But...But I don't know if I can."

My sisters just stared at me for a long time. "Why not?" Asked Eleanor.

I looked back down to the floor. "Don't you guys remember what happened between us?" I asked quietly.

Again, my sisters said nothing, as if they didn't know how to respond. Jeanette sighed. "We know, Brittany, but he has to find out."

I looked at them, tears now forming around my eyes. "And do you think he'll believe me, Jeanette? Do you think he'll listen to me? He's just gonna think that it's just some sort of lie I came up with, just to get him and Victoria to break up!" I exclaimed, beginning to cry. "He loves her! He's not gonna listen to me. He's not gonna believe me!"

"So you think he's not gonna believe you, his best friend?" Asked Jeanette.

The words 'best friend' stung my brain. I sighed and shook my head. "Why would he believe me? After what happened to us last week, he's not gonna listen to me." I cried.

Eleanor sighed quietly. "It's worth a try." She said.

I shook my head again, releasing more tears. "It was worth a try telling him that I loved him! And look what happened!"

"But this is different. This, he has to know." Said Eleanor. "His girlfriend is cheating on him. Britt, you're the only one who can tell him the truth."

"But what do you expect me to say?" I exclaimed. "Do I say, 'Alvin, you're girlfriend is cheating on you, so you should leave her. She doesn't love you, I do.' Because to me, that sounds like nothing but some fake excuse to get him to leave her."

"But it's not fake. You know that." Said Jeanette.

"But does Alvin know that? No, of course he doesn't." I said. "And Victoria's gonna make sure it stays that way. She's gonna tell Alvin lies, making sure that he doesn't believe me. And who's he gonna trust? Not me."

"But he has to trust you." Said Eleanor. "Who else knows him better than you?"

I looked down to the carpet. "But he still won't believe me. I'm pretty sure he doesn't even want to talk to me." I said, almost in a whisper.

"But you know that telling him is the right thing to do." Jeanette said gently.

I closed my eyes. Yes, I wanted to tell Alvin. I wanted to go and run to him, saying that Victoria isn't right for him, that she was NEVER right for him, and that he was stupid for falling in love with a girl who was two timing him - for falling in love with a girl who was a liar. And I wanted to remind him who truly loved him, who was always there for him, who was better for him, and for him to realize that _I_ love him, and that I would never ever do anything like that to him. I would never hurt him.

But there was something inside me, holding me back from doing it.

Eleanor sighed. "I can't believe Victoria would do such a thing. She was so sweet." She said, and she touched my arm. I looked up at her. "Jeanette's right. You have to tell him. No matter how hard it is to go up and talk to him, Britt, you have to tell him. He has to listen to you."

"He won't listen to me." I said again. I sighed and looked back down. My heart was aching, and pumping dangerously. "And even if I did have the guts to go and tell him...I-I wouldn't."

"What?" Whispered Jeanette, clearly shocked.

"Britt, you just said that you wanted to tell him!" Exclaimed Eleanor. "And you should tell him!"

I didn't say anything for a long, long time. My mind was just overflowing with emotions and thoughts right now. I couldn't think straight. I sighed and looked at them. "No matter how bad I want to tell him, I can't." I whispered tearfully.

"Why?" Asked Jeanette.

I closed my eyes, and felt several tears roll down my cheeks. "Because Alvin loves her." I whispered, and I opened my eyes to look at them. "And because he loves her, I just can't hurt him by telling him the truth about Victoria cheating on him."

Jeanette sighed. "But Britt, he's hurt you too." She said. "Alvin told you that he doesn't love you. So why do you care if he's gonna get hurt or not?"

My heart broke at the memory of Alvin saying that he loves Victoria. I knew Jeanette was right, but I could never bring myself up to think that I hurt Alvin. And even though he has hurt me so many times, I didn't have the guts to do the same to him. "Because I love him. I know he doesn't love me back, but I just can't hurt him!"

Jeanette and Eleanor didn't say anything, and I began to cry. My sisters pulled me close to them, but remained silent, knowing that they couldn't do anything about my feelings for Alvin, that I was hurting inside once more, that I was becoming an emotional wreck, and that they couldn't do anything but be here and comfort me.

"And no matter what happens, I will always love him." I whispered.

* * *

One week later...

Class just finished for the week. I swung my bag over my shoulder, and walked out into the hall, where it was gradually getting crowded. But just as I was about to walk around a corner, I heard someone call my name.

"Brittany!"

I turned around, and I saw Anthony coming towards me. I froze. I seriously felt bad about lying to him that I liked him, when he confessed that he was falling for me. Now I gave him the idea that we were boyfriend and girlfriend. I didn't feel too good about myself. In fact, I wish that would of never happened, and I wished I could of told him the truth. But I remember why I didn't tell him the truth in the first place. I didn't want to hurt another friend.

But I was stuck in this situation, where he thinks we're together.

He ran up to me and smiled. "Hey."

I faked a smile. "Hi." I said.

Anthony and I have been hanging out more in the past few weeks, but with everything happening between me, Alvin and Victoria, I could hardly say that hanging out with Anthony was important, or that it even mattered.

"What's up?" He asked.

I shrugged. "I was just gonna go back upstairs to my dorm." I said.

"Oh. Well, are you busy today?" He asked.

I raised an eyebrow. "Busy?"

He nodded. "Yeah. You doing anything today or something?" He asked.

"Well, not really..." I said.

"Great. So, do you wanna have dinner later on?" He asked.

To be honest, I was a little surprised at first. I looked at him, with my eyebrows slightly raised. "Dinner?" I asked.

He nodded. "Yeah."

"Um, what's the occasion?" I asked him.

Anthony shrugged. "Nothing special. I mean, you asked me out on the first date. So I decided that it's my turn to ask you out."

I gulped to myself. I didn't want to cause any more drama in my life. Because the last time Anthony and I went out, he told me he was falling for me, and I lied that I was feeling the same. I didn't want things to get even more messed up. I just can't handle any more lies. I sighed. "You know that I would love to, but...but I have too much homework."

His smile disappeared. "But it's Friday. You can do your homework tomorrow or something. I'll even help you."

I instantly felt bad. I told myself that I should just reject this date in case something goes wrong, but another part of myself was telling me, _'What's the harm? It's just two friends going out to dinner...'_

I sighed. "I don't know..."

"It's just dinner." Said Anthony. "Please?"

I really didn't want to, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings either. But before I knew it, my mouth opened to speak. "Oh, alright."

He smiled. "Really?"

I laughed. "Sure, why not. It's just dinner, right?"

He nodded. "Yeah. So, pick you up at 7?"

I nodded. "Alright."

He smiled, and wrapped his arms around me. I forced myself to hug him back. I pulled away seconds later, smiled, then said, "Bye."

He waved, and he walked in the opposite direction. I began to walk back to my dorm in silence. I don't know why I was feeling bad. I mean, I was doing something nice for Anthony, right? It's just dinner, after all.

I began to get ready at around 6PM. Victoria wasn't back yet, thank god, and my sisters were doing their homework on the kitchen table. I took a shower, did my hair and make up and put on some nicer, decent clothes. I dressed up casually, telling myself not to overdo it, because I really shouldn't give the impression that I was feeling the same towards Anthony, even though he thinks we're together.

When I walked out of the washroom, I walked into the kitchen to where my sisters were. "Hey, guys?"

"Yeah?" Said Eleanor, before looking up at me. "Whoa. Where are you going?" She asked, noticing my change of clothes.

I chuckled nervously. "Yeah, about that...I-I'm not gonna be here for dinner."

Jeanette raised her eyebrows. "Yeah, we see that. So, where _are_ you going?"

I gulped, and my smile disappeared. "Out."

My sisters looked at me, confused. Then Jeanette gasped out loud. "Oh my gosh, Britt. You're not going out with Anthony, are you?"

"Um, no." I said.

"Brittany!" Exclaimed Jeanette, hearing the nervousness in my voice.

I sighed. "Look, I didn't have a choice, okay? He asked me out and I couldn't say no. I didn't want to to be rude!"

"Britt, you're hurting yourself by going out with this guy." Sighed Eleanor.

"How?" I asked.

"You love someone else." Said Eleanor.

I bit my lip for a second. "That doesn't mean I can't hang out with someone else." I said quietly. "And I never said anything about me liking Anthony that way. He's just a friend. And besides, we're just going out to eat dinner."

"Yeah, a friend who told you he was falling for you." Eleanor said. "Britt, if you think that going out with another guy is a way to escape this feeling you feel for Alvin..." She shook her head. "It's not a good idea."

"I know, I know. I'm sorry! I didn't want to, I promise. But I just felt so bad." I said.

Jeanette sighed. "Britt, do you think you'll ever heal from this whole Alvin-Victoria thing, if you're just gonna continue to go out with Anthony? Not to mention, a boy that admitted that he likes you?"

I bit my tongue. "I didn't want to hurt his feelings by saying no."

"But don't you feel bad for yourself?" Asked Jeanette.

"It's not like I actually like him." I said.

"But he thinks you do." Said Eleanor.

"I-" I started, but then I shut my mouth. "It's just dinner, guys."

My sisters looked at each other, then said nothing. I sighed, but before I knew it, knocks came from the front door. We all looked at each other, then I sighed out loud, before turning around to get the door. I opened it, and saw Anthony standing there.

I forced a smile. "Hey."

He smiled back. "Hi." He said. "So, ready to go?"

"Yeah. Just let me get my bag." I said, and I walked back into the kitchen to grab my purse.

Eleanor sighed. "Britt, I just hope you're doing the right thing."

I looked at them. "There's nothing wrong in what I'm doing." I said quietly, although deep inside of me, I knew I was wrong.

"Brittany, we're just saying this because we don't want to see you get hurt again." Said Jeanette.

"I-I'm not gonna get hurt. He's not Alvin." I said quietly, looking down, feeling my heart burn up in flames when I said the last 3 words. I sighed, not knowing what else to say. "I gotta go."

Eleanor sighed. "Have fun."

"See you guys later." I said, still not making eye contact, before turning around and walking out to Anthony.

The drive took about 10 minutes. We then arrived at an Italian looking restaurant. We sat down at a table, and ordered our food. Our food and drinks arrived minutes later, before we finally started to eat. Dinner took about an hour. We were engaged in those random conversations about school and other ordinary things, and we had a few laughs now and then.

But within the time we were having dinner, I couldn't help but think about what my sisters told me. I know they were just concerned about me, seeing how hell-like my life has turned, but I told myself that I was just doing something nice for Anthony. I mean, I've lived through so much hurt in the past weeks now, that I can't bring myself to emotionally hurt someone else. But just knowing that Anthony thought of us as 'together' made me feel terrible about myself. It made me feel guilty knowing that he liked me, but I didn't like him.

"Brittany." Said Anthony.

I looked up. "Yeah?"

"You okay?" He asked.

I nodded. "Y-Yeah. Of course."

He raised his eyebrows. "Then why are you always spacing out?"

I froze. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, like, we're in a conversation, then all of a sudden, you stop listening and you stare out into space, as if you're having a conversation with your head or something." Said Anthony. "It's been happening quiet a lot lately."

I felt guilt pour all over me. Crap, was it really that obvious? I smiled weakly. "No, no. I'm sorry. I was listening to you, I-I just have this habit of looking like I'm not paying attention when I actually am." I lied.

Anthony's face was straight and serious. "Then what was I talking about?"

I opened my mouth, then closed it. I honestly had no idea. I bit my lip. "Um, school?"

Anthony sighed, then laughed lightly. "Close enough." He said, smiling, knowing that I wasn't paying attention, but he let me off easily. Then he looked at my plate. "Are you finished?"

I looked at my plate for a second, then back at him. "Yeah."

"Alright." He said. He got the bill from the waiter and paid for our food.

"Wait." I said, taking out my wallet. "You don't have to pay for my food, I'll-"

"Don't worry about it." He said, before handing the bill to the waiter. "And besides, what kind of date would this be if I let you pay for your own food?"

I laughed. "Thanks, Anthony."

He smiled. "No problem."

I smiled back. "So, shall we go?"

But Anthony didn't move.

"Anthony?" I called his name.

He stared hard at the table, then darted his eyes back towards me. "Um, c-can you wait for just a moment?" He asked, and I nodded. He looked away from me for a few seconds, then returned his gaze. "Brittany, I need you to tell me the truth, okay?"

I don't know why, but I was beginning to feel nervous. "Um, okay."

He sighed deeply. "Remember that day, when I told you that I liked you, and you said that you like me back?" He asked.

My entire body froze. Shit, why was he asking me this? "Um, yeah." I said quietly.

"Did you really mean it?" He asked.

I didn't say anything for a moment. I froze in my seat, feeling my heart race with nervousness. What was I gonna tell him? Do I tell him the truth, that I didn't mean it? Or do I lie, saying that I do, saving him from getting hurt? Because the last thing I wanted is for someone to get hurt.

"Y-Yeah. Of course I meant it." I lied, though trying to keep a light attitude. "Why?"

But then I realized something - what if he found out about the whole fiasco between me and Alvin 2 weeks ago?

He shook his head. "Just wondering." He said.

I gulped. "Anthony, why would I be lying?" I asked, feeling myself sink to a lower level after I said it.

He looked at me for about 5 seconds. "No, it's not that I think you're lying." He said. "It's just..."

"What is it?" I asked, quietly.

He sighed. "Please don't take this the wrong way."

I just looked at him.

He broke gazes with me. "Well, I...I'm not really falling for you anymore." He said.

My heart came to a halt. I wasn't sure if I was suppose to be happy, or relieved or just plain confused. "Oh." I said.

Then he looked back at me. "I'm not falling for you anymore because..." He inhaled deeply. "Well, I love you."

* * *

**Just when you think Brittany's life can't get any more difficult for her...**

**What's she gonna say to him? Will she lie once more, saying she loves him back? Or will she tell him the truth?**

**Hope you all liked the chapter! PLEASE PLEASE review! I love reading your reviews. All of you are just amazing :D Thanks for reading!**


	23. Can't hurt him anymore

I sat in silence, not believing what I just heard. I tried to open my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Then it just occured to me that this is what my sisters feared - Anthony telling me that he loved me. They were right. I shouldn't of gone, I shouldn't of agreed to this date in the first place, because everything will go wrong. I've wanted to avoid hurting someone, but as of now, I had no way out.

It was completely still and quiet between us for a long period of time. It started to get very awkward. The only sounds I could hear were the distant murmers of voices coming from the surrounding people in the restaurtant, and the faint clinks of silverware, glasses and plates.

Anthony looked uncomfortable. "Brittany." He said quietly.

I didn't look at him when he said my name. The last thing I wanted was for someone to get hurt...

I heard him sigh. I looked up at him for a brief moment, and I could see that he was nervous, and somewhat regretful and embarrassed. "This is the part where you say something." He said softly, and chuckled nervously. "A-Anything."

"I-I..." I couldn't get anything out.

I didn't know what to do. I looked away. Now I know how Alvin felt when I told him I loved him. I was shocked, surprised, unbelieving, and speechless. I didn't know what to say or do without hurting Anthony's feelings. I didn't have the guts to look into his eyes. I didn't have the guts to open my mouth. I just sat here, frozen.

Anthony sighed again. "I-I didn't mean to say it so quickly." He said. "But I thought it would be easy, since I already told you that I like you, and that you told me that you liked me back."

I didn't move. My eyes were still staring at the brown carpet.

"I know you're shocked." He said nervously and quietly. "Believe me. I was pretty nervous, thinking whether or not I should tell you. But..." I finally had the strength to look up at him. "But I really do...love you." He said.

I sighed to myself. "H-How?" I whispered.

His eyebrows raised slightly. "What do you mean?"

I looked at the table. "We've only known each other for 2 months." I said quietly.

"I know." Anthony answered in a soft voice. "I'm sorry. But there's just something about us that...that made me fall in love with you. I mean, we hang out almost everyday, you're one of the only good friends I have here, you're sweet, funny, pretty and you're just someone I can talk to."

I sighed, feeling sorry and remorseful. "Look. I feel the same about you with those things. You're a great guy, but-"

"We're friends, aren't we?" He asked.

I nodded. "Yeah, of course we are. But..." I sighed, unable to carry on.

Anthony sighed. "Brittany, I love you. And I just want to know how you feel about me."

I froze. He wanted me to tell him how I really felt. I didn't know what to do, or say. Guilt began to pound in my veins. Should I lie? Or should I tell him how I really feel? My heart began to jump. I honestly didn't know what to say without hurting him, but I knew I had to do the right thing. I had to save myself. I couldn't let myself lie. I can't let myself get hurt anymore.

I inhaled deeply. "Anthony, I c-can't." I whispered abruptly.

He looked into my eyes. "Please." He said. "Please just tell me the truth."

The truth...If I told him the truth, I would hurt him. And I didn't want him to get hurt, especially by me. I gulped, and looked away from him. My heart was beginning to race even faster. If I didn't say anything soon, I would probably explode. "I-I'm sorry." I whispered.

Anthony didn't say anything for a few seconds. "What?" He asked in confusion.

"I'm sorry." I said again.

"Sorry for what?" He asked softly.

I didn't move or look up. "I know you...love me." I whispered, feeling foreign when I said it. I took a deep breath. "B-but I can't."

I paused, waiting for him to say something. But he didn't. He just sat there, listening to me, looking like a statue - unmoving and frozen. I knew he was listening to me, but I also knew that I just broke his heart. I had hurt him. And this is the thing I wanted to avoid the most, to hurt someone else.

After a moment of silence, I closed my eyes. "I don't...feel the same way." I didn't dare to look up into his face.

Anthony said nothing for a long time. I was beginning to kick myself mentally. I knew I had hurt him. I knew he was heartbroken, but I was doing this for me. Not only did I not want to hurt Anthony, I also didn't want to hurt myself by giving me another problem to worry about and deal with.

"Why?" He asked, his voice now in a frail whisper.

It was as if my mouth had been glued shut. I didn't know if I could tell him. I sighed and opened my eyes. "Anthony, don't. Please. I don't want you to get hur-"

"Why Brittany?" He asked again.

I exhaled deeply, as if trying to catch my breath. The words just wanted to roll off my tongue. I needed to say it, but a piece of me wanted to keep it locked in. "I love someone else."

When I said those 4 words, Anthony looked up at me. I could tell that he was hurt. It reminded me a whole lot of myself and what happened 2 weeks ago with Alvin. I know the pain Anthony was going through right now. Just hearing the person you love, say they don't love you back because they're in love with someone else, kills a part of you inside.

We stared at each other for a long time. I gulped. "Anthony, I am so sor-"

He shook his head. "It doesn't matter." He said, and he began to get up.

"No, Anthony. Listen, please!" I begged.

He ignored me, put on his jacket, and walked away, leaving me alone at the restaurant's table. I sat there, unable to believe what the hell just happened. I felt like I was gonna cry any second now. But I got up, ran out of the restaurant, and followed him. I saw him, walking away, just a few feet away from his car.

"ANTHONY!" I yelled his name, but he didn't look back. I groaned, and I decided to run after him. "Anthony!" I said again, once I got nearer to him. "Can I just explain? Please?"

He turned to me. "What is there to talk about?" He fired. "You told me everything I needed to know."

I stared at him. "I'm sorry, okay! You wanted the truth, so I gave you the truth!"

"Did you tell me the truth in the first place though?" He asked. "When I first told you I was falling for you, and you said that you were feeling the same, did you mean it?"

"I already told you." I said, referring to the same question he asked just moments ago.

"You told me that you meant it." He said. "But just tell me the truth."

"What makes you think that I'm lying?" I fired.

"You told me you were falling for me, but now, you're telling me you love someone else. Did you mean it or not, Brittany?" He asked bitterly.

"I-I..." I stuttered. I sighed. "I didn't want to hurt your feelings!"

"Did you mean it?" He asked, his voice getting more firm.

I exhaled deeply. I had already hurt him by telling him I was in love with someone else. There was no point in lying anymore. "No." I whispered.

Anthony closed his eyes for a moment and shook his head. He opened his eyes to look at me. "Then why did you lie?"

"I didn't want to hurt you." I said weakly.

"Well, your plan kinda backfired on that." He muttered.

"Anthony, look-"

"I thought I was lucky, having someone like you, like me back." He said. "I mean, do you know how hard it is for me to get friends? Because all people see me as is a 'nerd' or a 'geek'. And you've been the only one who has treated me equally. I thought you were better than this. I didn't know you could stoop down at such a low level."

His words hurt me, but I knew I deserved it. But I kept my feelings in. "I'm sorry."

He shook his head. "Why did you tell me you were falling for me when you really weren't? Why did you give me the impression that we were together?"

"I-I don't know, okay?" I sighed. "I guess I didn't want to hurt your feelings. Because you're a great person, Anthony, you really are. And-"

"Just stop." He said quietly, shaking his head. "Just don't say those things if you don't mean it."

"I do mean it, though!" I exclaimed truthfully.

He didn't say anything at first. He didn't even look at me. "But it doesn't make up to how I feel now."

I didn't know what else to say. I looked at him, straight in the face. "I'm sorry. I-I don't know why I didn't tell you the truth in the first place. I guess I was just afraid."

He sighed and shook his head. "I actually believed you. I actually believed you were falling for me too."

"I'm sorry." I said in a whisper. "You have no idea how horrible I feel."

"Good. You deserve it." He said quietly, and he looked at me. "Look, I don't get why you didn't tell me earlier. It could of saved us a lot of hurt. If you could have told me how you really felt in the beginning, I would have understood. But you told me you were falling for me, and I thought you really meant it. That's why I was starting to fall in love with you."

I didn't know what to say or do. Because I've been in Anthony's position, not too long ago. And believe me, it was one of the worst feelings you can get. "I know how you feel." I said quietly.

He shook his head. "No, you don't."

"I do." I sighed. "I know how it feels to get hurt like this. I've been through it too." I said, but I was more talking to myself.

"Makes you feel really crappy about yourself, huh." Said Anthony.

I sighed and looked at him. "I'm sorry. The last thing I wanted was for you to get hurt. But I didn't want to hurt you any longer by pretending that I still like you. I mean, I like you as a friend. But if I continued this whole 'I'm falling for you' thing any longer..." I sighed, and shook my head. I couldn't carry on.

"I don't get why you lied to me though." He said. "If only you could of told me that you only liked me as a friend, none of this would be happening. I would of understood, and we could of been just friends, without all this awkwardness. You've made me feel like a total idiot, Brittany."

The guilt washed over me. I didn't know how to respond. I gulped. "It's my fault. Please don't take the blame on yourself."

"How could I not?" He said. "I fell in love someone, who lied to me. Do you know how that makes me feel?"

"Anthony, I feel so bad." I said. "I feel more than just bad, I feel terrible. I'm so angry at myself, so please. It's not your fault. I am so sorry." I looked down, my cheeks were beginning to heat up at the memory of 2 weeks ago with me and Alvin. Mine and Anthony's situation reminded me a lot of what Alvin and I went through.

"You said that you lied to me, because you didn't want to hurt me." Anthony said. "But did you even _think_ that lying to me, will hurt me? I'd rather you tell me the truth, than lie. Because no one gets hurt when the truth is said out loud."

I felt tear drops roll down my face. I was so angry and so upset with myself. "I was stupid, okay? I know. I didn't realize that until now. Anthony, you know that I never intended to hurt you. I didn't know what I was doing!"

He shook his head. "You never intended to hurt me, huh?" He said. "But you were just using me?"

I froze for a moment. "N-No."

"Don't lie anymore, Brittany." He said. "I know you were just using me."

"Anthony, that's not true." I lied.

"Then tell me what is." He said.

I bit my lip for half a second. "Tell me this. If I was using you, how come we've become such good friends? How come we've hung out so much, and gotten to know each other better? How come you're the only friend I can turn to, even though I have my sisters to talk to? I sometimes turn to you, rather than my own sisters! Is that called 'using' to you?"

But I know that deep inside me, mostly everything I was saying was fake. I know for a fact that I have been using Anthony to try and get to Alvin. I was using him at first, but over the weeks, Anthony has turned into my friend, and I completely forgot about that whole 'using him' idea. But I couldn't tell him that.

"Why do you even hang out with me?" He asked, ignoring my question.

I sighed. "I-I guess when I hang out with you, it's just a way for me to escape all my problems in my life."

"Hm." Said Anthony. "That sounds like using to me."

My eyes widened, as I just realized what I had just said. "No, I didn't mean it like that! I meant, that you're such a nice person, and I can talk and laugh with you, that it makes me forget who I am sometimes, and it makes me forget all the hardships I have going on in my life. And it's hard to find someone that easy to hang out with." I exclaimed. "Anthony, I would never use you."

But again, I knew I was lying.

Anthony sighed. "I thought you were such a nice girl, Brittany. I never thought you could do something like this. I actually believed that you were different, one of a kind. Now I see that you're just that typical girl, who uses people for attention."

"ATTENTION?" I said in an outburst. It was as if Anthony could read my thoughts, knowing that I _have_ been using him. But to be honest, after getting to know him better, using him to get to Alvin seemed like nonsense to me now.

He just nodded.

I looked at him in shock. Yeah, I know I've used him in the past, but I have never used him for attention. "When have I used you to get attention?"

"When have you not?" He fired.

I shook my head. What the hell was this guy talking about? "I have never used you for anything." I said, but I felt the guilt burn within me as I lied. "And besides, why are you telling me this now?"

"I've noticed that you've been using me for a long time ago." Said Anthony. "But I was in love with you. I was so stupid, and blind, that I didn't even care."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "What? I can't believe you! Name one time that I have used you."

"Right now." He said.

I looked at him in disbelief. "How am I using you?"

"You told me everything. You said that I'm a way to escape your problems in your life." He said quietly. "So I'm pretty sure there's something going on in your life that you'd like to forget about, or just step away from."

Crap. Everything Anthony was saying was right. Within the past 2 weeks, the only things I could think about was the whole 'Me telling Alvin that I'm in love with him' thing, and Victoria's lie, when I found out she has another boyfriend. But I kept a straight face.

Anthony continued. "So you're just using me, to forget about your problems."

I shook my head. "That isn't true." I said, trying my best to look and sound sincere.

"Don't lie to me." He said.

I looked down. "Okay, I'm sorry for lying to you about falling for you. It wasn't right. I'm sorry for everything. It's just...I can't hurt myself anymore. You have no idea what I've been through in the past 3 months. You have no idea how hard my life has turned into." I sighed. "And it all happened, just because I love someone else." I said quietly.

"Another reason that you're hanging out with me?" He asked. "To forget about your feelings for some other guy?"

It was as if steam had just erupted from my body. "Stop!" I fired.

Anthony just looked at me, his expression was still angry and upset.

"Stop with this whole frickin' mind reading shit!" I snapped.

"I just want to hear the truth from you." Said Anthony, trying to contain is temper. "How many other lies have you told me?"

I had enough. I was about to explode. Not only was I angry at myself, I was starting to get frustrated with Anthony. "Fine. You want the truth? I'll give you the truth." I stared right at him. "Yes, I'm in love with someone else. And fine, I may have used you a bit in the beginning when I first met you, but Anthony, I swear, I totally stopped using you when we became friends. I completely forgot about it!"

Anthony looked down. "Why did you use me?" He asked.

"I-I..." I sighed. "I don't know."

It was silent between us for about half a minute before Anthony spoke up. "Is it because you're in love with that guy?"

I sighed, and closed my eyes. "Yes." I said, feeling heat, anger, regret, stupidity and embarrassment rush through my entire body.

Silence swept over us once again, this time, even longer. I was starting to get cold. We've been standing out here in the parking lot for a long time already, but I tried my best to ignore the chill.

"It's Alvin, isn't it." Said Anthony abruptly, yet quietly.

My eyes shot open, and I saw Anthony staring back at me. We stared at each other for a long time. He was waiting for my answer, but my mouth wouldn't open. It was as if my whole body was turned into stone, preventing me from saying, or doing anything.

Anthony looked at me in disbelief, and shook his head. "Thought so." He fired, when I didn't respond. Then he turned around, and started to get in his car.

I had to do something, fast. "Anthony, stop. Just let me-"

He turned to me. "You don't need to explain anything." He shook his head, while darting his eyes into mine. "I should have known it was him."

"Anthony, please." I begged, but he was already in his car. I sighed. "What about me? I need to get home-"

"You can walk." He said, before shutting his car door. He was clearly upset and angry, and before I knew it, he drove off.

I just stood there, alone in the cold night. Then I began to cry. What was happening to me? Through the past 3 months of being at college, my life has turned into a hell-like nightmare. But for me, this wasn't a nightmare, because everything was reality. I thought coming to college would be the best years of my life. But in just 3 months, I fell in love with my best friend, my mother passed away, I got heartbroken, I made a lifelong enemy, and I broke someone's heart. I couldn't believe what my life has turned into.

To be honest, it didn't really bother me that Anthony left me, to go walk back home on my own. Yeah, it may have taken me 20 minutes to return home on foot, but I'd rather walk by myself, than to ride in a car with someone who was extremely heart broken because of me. I couldn't explain my emotions. There was just too much. And by the time I got back home, I was freezing cold, and my face was damp with tears. But I didn't want my sisters to start nagging me with questions to why I was crying, so before that, I used one of the public washrooms to clean my face up.

I got back to my dorm, and saw Jeanette sitting in the living room, watching TV. She turned around once she heard me walk in. "Brittany." She said, and walked over to me.

I smiled weakly. "Hi."

She looked at me. "How did it go?" She asked, but I didn't respond. I took off my sweater, and shoes. And instantly, I could tell that Jeanette sensed that something went wrong. "Brittany, what happened?"

I hung my sweater on the coat rack. "Is Victoria home yet?" I asked quietly.

Jeanette shook her head.

I stared at the carpet for a long time. I sighed. "Everything went wrong." I whispered. "Please don't say 'I told you so', but you and Elle were right. I shouldn't have gone."

Jeanette looked at me. "Why? What happened?"

I sighed and shook my head. "I'll tell you guys in the room." I said. "Where's El-"

But before anything else, we heard a loud BANG coming from the kitchen. Jeanette and I looked at each other in confusion for a moment, before rushing into the kitchen to see what made that loud noise.

Jeanette gasped. She cupped her hands over her mouth.

"Oh my god, ELEANOR!" I exclaimed, as Jeanette and I rushed over to her.

"What happened to her?" Exclaimed Jeanette.

"I-I don't know." I whispered weakly.

We found the source of the loud BANG. But it wasn't anything like we had expected. There, on the kitchen floor, laid our little sister's body, unconscious, and unmoving.

Jeanette kneeled beside Eleanor, and put a hand on her, and she started to shake her gently. "Eleanor? Elle, can you hear me?"

Eleanor didn't move.

"Jeanette..." I squeaked.

"Try finding her pulse." Exclaimed Jeanette, her voice beginning to break a little bit.

I was suddenly short of breath, as if I needed to gasp for air. Fright and panickness over flooded my body. My heart began to race, but I tried putting my fingers on the side of Eleanor's neck, trying to find her pulse. I tried moving my fingers to different places, but I found no beat at all. I wasn't an expert at finding pulses, but when my fingers couldn't find one, tears started to flow out of my eyes.

"I-I can't find anything." I cried, looking over at Jeanette. She was sobbing. "Jeanette, call 911 now!"

She nodded and rushed to get the phone.

I looked at my little sister. What happened to her?

"Oh god, Eleanor." I whispered, and I began to cry breathlessly. "Please, wake up."

* * *

**Poor Anthony. He must be really hurt right now, but Brittany did the right thing, right? But now her life is even more complicated than it was before :( But I guess she kinda deserves it, since she kinda used him to get to Alvin...**

**And WHAT HAPPENED TO ELEANOR? Will she be okay?**

**Hope you guys enjoyed the chapter! And PLEASE PLEASE review! Thankyouu :D**


	24. Unbearable

**I'm back! Well first of all, I wanna say thank you to all of you who wrote to me and reviewed, regarding my author's note. But no worries, everyone in my family is fine. There was just an unexpected death in the family...but everything is all good now. I was so touched by all the messages you guys wrote. I love you all. You are all so amazing. And it's been over a month since I last updated, so as promised, here's the next chapter!**

* * *

I continued to cry as I held my little sister's unconscious body in my arms. I was shaking, I was scared. I couldn't even think straight, but I knew I had to keep myself together. But the terrible thoughts of the possible things that could of happened to Eleanor flooded around my brain.

I gripped onto Eleanor's arm. I looked down at her face, and I began to cry. "God, Eleanor." I whispered. "Wake up, please."

I sobbed harder as I asked myself unanswerable questions. What happened to her? Eleanor was fine this morning, so what could of possibly happened to her? Jeanette and I lost our mother, and it killed a huge part of us. But if we lost our baby sister, then I wouldn't know what to do. It would kill the rest of me. If I lost someone else I cared about, the meaning of my life would be pointless. I've lost so many people in such a short while. I lost my mother to an illness, I lost my friend because of my lies, and I lost my best friend to a girl who was nothing but a two timer.

And I couldn't do anything about it. Alvin said it himself. He loves Victoria, not me. And if I told him the truth, he wouldn't believe me. I mean, why would he? After what happened to us on my birthday, he would never take me seriously. It would give him another reason to hate me. But although I knew I was right, that I was right all along, I just don't have the guts to tell him. I can't tell him because I don't want him to get hurt. And even though he has hurt me emotionally so many times, I still love him. I love him so much, that's why it hurts. That's why I can't tell him the truth.

It kills me to remember how close Alvin and I were before all this. We were the closest pair of best friends anyone could ever imagine. But now, we've grown so distant from each other, it was like we had never met.

But I had something more important on my mind right now. I looked at my little sister's limp body. My heart began to race once more.

"No." I whispered, when those bone chilling thoughts ran through my head again. I stared at Eleanor's face. "Eleanor, I know you're there." I whispered weakly. "You'll wake up, I know you will."

Seconds later, Jeanette came running back into the kitchen. I looked at her, and her face was as tearful and scared as mine. "I-I called 911." She said. Her voice was trembling. "They're coming soon."

I closed my eyes, and felt new tears run down my cheeks. "Jeanette, what if..." I shook my head, unable to finish.

"Oh, Britt." Jeanette cried, and she sat on the floor beside me and wrapped her arms around me and Eleanor. "She's gonna be okay."

"What happened to her?" I cried. I looked at Eleanor. "Elle, what happened to you?"

"Britt, s-she's gonna be okay." Jeanette said again, but she was beginning to tear up even more. "We won't lose anyone else, I promise."

I began to shed more tears. I buried my face into Eleanor's hair. "Oh, Elle." I cried.

I only needed answers. Will our sister be okay? What happened to her? Why did she suddenly collapse on the floor? My life was starting to get to the point where I can't handle anymore problems. In just 3 months here in college, my life has turned into hell, if not, worse. Everything going on with Miss Miller, Victoria, Anthony and Alvin was enough pain to cost me a lifetime. And now, with my baby sister like this, sometimes I wish I didn't even exsist.

What did I do to deserve all of this?

Jeanette gently put her hand on Eleanor's face. Eleanor looked like she was sleeping. My heart ached, wishing with all my might that she is anything but in the condition Miss Miller is in. "Eleanor." Jeanette whispered. "Wake up, please."

We both knew it was useless trying to tell Eleanor to wake up, but we had nothing else better to say. We just had to believe that she is okay, and that everything will be alright.

"Try finding her pusle again." I whispered. My grip on Eleanor was getting tighter.

Jeanette looked at me, scared.

My breathing was getting faster. "W-Well?" I asked, when Jeanette didn't move. "What are you waiting for?"

"I-I..." Jeanette began. She closed her eyes for a few seconds before opening them. She took two of her fingers, and moved them to the side of Eleanor's neck, to where her pusle is suppose to be.

I waited for a few seconds. I watched Jeanette in confusion. She looked afraid. "Jeanette?" I whispered.

She looked at me, and pulled her fingers back. Her purple eyes were swelling up with tears. "I can't do it." She said weakly.

"Can't?" I asked. "Can't do what?"

Jeanette looked to the floor, before looking at Eleanor's face. "I'm afraid that if I don't find her pulse..." She inhaled deeply and looked at me. "Brittany, I don't want the two of us to worry. I don't have the guts to find her heartbeat, because if I can't find it..." She looked away, and began to cry, unable to finish the sentence.

I touched Jeanette's arm. I understood what she was trying to say. If she couldn't find Eleanor's heartbeat, the two of us will automatically think the obvious happened, and she didn't want the two of us to be the first to know, because it'll just murder us for the rest of our lives. My tears began to fall harder and faster.

"I just want her to be okay." Jeanette cried.

I didn't say anything else because I was afraid to. Jeanette and I sat there, on the kitchen floor, crying, as we held our little sister's unmoving, and unconscious body. The paramedics finally came about 5 minutes later. Once they came up to our dorm, they automatically rolled Eleanor onto a stretcher, as they began to put on these breathing mask things on her. I had to look away. I didn't know what to do with myself, besides cry.

Eleanor was rolled into the back of the ambulance, with me and Jeanette sitting by her side. I couldn't look at her. We already lost our mom. We just can't lose our baby sister. We just can't. A paramedic started to ask us questions, but I depended on Jeanette to answer everything. She was more calm than me anyway. I sighed, realizing how messed up my life has become ever since the beginning of the college year.

How messed up my life has become ever since I fell in love with Alvin...

We arrived at the hospital in a short matter of minutes. They rolled Eleanor down the hallways, and into a room, while Jeanette and I sat in the waiting room. A receptionist made Jeanette and I fill out a sheet with all of our information, like our age, and what school we go to. I guess it was just mandatory hospital stuff. We just sat there, quietly. We didn't cry, well, at least not yet because Eleanor _had_ to be okay, she had to be alright. I just had to be confident and positive that our little sister is unharmed.

Minutes ticked by slowly. The bright florecent lights, and the weird smell of the hospital made me feel like throwing up. I felt sick to my stomach. I put my head in my hands, and sighed. Today has to be one of the worst days of my life. Just a few hours ago, I went on a date with Anthony, where he confessed that he loves me, and when I told him that I didn't feel the same and that I love someone else, and to when he just left me there at the restaurant to walk back home alone, heartbroken to know how I really felt.

Again, I didn't deserve this.

1 hour passed, and I was beginning to get impatient. I was starting to doubt everything. I began to cry.

I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up and saw Jeanette looking at me. "Britt."

I shook my head. "It's been an hour, Jeanette." I cried, saying each word with trouble.

Jeanette sighed and looked down. "We just have to stay positive." She said quietly.

"But why is it taking so long?" I whispered. My voice was breaking and trembling.

Jeanette didn't say anything after that. 10 more minutes passed, then 20, then 30. My heart began to race, and I could feel it pump within my ears. My eyes were so sore from all the salty tears. The feeling of doubt and hopelessness was beginning to overpower me.

I looked up, and just when I was about to say something, a doctor was walking towards me and Jeanette. I looked at Jeanette, and she looked at me for a brief moment before we returned our gaze to the doctor. We both stood up when he came to us. Both Jeanette and I were tired. Even though it was a Friday night, we were exhausted and worried.

The doctor looked at the clipboard he was holding in his hand, then looked back at us. "Brittany Miller and Jeanette Miller?" He asked.

We nodded.

"You two are the sisters of Eleanor Miller, right?" He asked.

We nodded again. "Yes." I said.

"H-How is she?" Jeanette asked quietly.

My heart began to thump madly. If the worse really happened, I don't know if I will ever be able to accept it, but I just had to believe that she is okay. But I was hurting inside. I just wish it was me in that hospital room instead of Eleanor. I'd rather have me on that hospital bed than someone I cared about.

"Your sister is fine." He said.

I gasped. When he said those 4 words, I felt an enormous wave of relief wash over me, like a cool breeze. I cupped my hands over my mouth, while Jeanette's eyes widened. My heart rate didn't slow down, but I didn't care. Our little sister is okay, she's alive, and that was all that mattered.

"She's okay?" Asked Jeanette.

The doctor gave a little smile and nodded. "Yes, she's perfectly fine. Just a little food poisoning, that's all."

Jeanette looked at me before looking back at the doctor. "Food poisoning?" She asked.

The doctor nodded. "But don't worry. We gave her some antibiotics that she'll have to take everyday for the next month or so." He said.

Jeanette raised her eyebrows. "A month?"

"Maybe even longer." Answered the doctor. "Her food poisoning was a bit more dangerous than normal. It gave us quite a scare, to be honest."

"But she's fine now, right?" I asked.

The doctor nodded again. "Yes, she is. She just needs a bit more sleep than usual for the next few weeks so the medicine can work properly." He wrote something down on his clipboard, and ripped a sheet of paper and handed it to me. "This is her perscription and all the info on it."

I looked at him. "How long will it take before she can stop taking them?" I asked.

"She'll need to stay here for the next few weeks. We'll make a phone call to your college, informing them that your sister will have to miss out on some school. But as for now, she needs to be taking the pills everyday." He said.

I scanned the piece of paper over 3 times, then nodded before tucking it safely in my pocket.

"Is it okay if we visit her?" Asked Jeanette.

"Yes, of course. She's just down the hall. The 7th door on the left." Said the doctor.

We said thank you, and Jeanette and I began to make our way down the hall until we came to Eleanor's door. We opened it and peered our heads inside. We saw Eleanor, sitting up on the bed, drinking something hot from a coffee mug. But there were IV bags around her, and there was one thin tube running along each of her arm. It made me kinda sick, but I decided to forget about it. Jeanette and I beamed as we walked inside.

"Eleanor!" Jeanette exclaimed, rushing over to her, and wrapping her arms around her. "We're so glad you're alright." Jeanette pulled back so I can give her a hug.

"Do you know how badly you scared us?" I said, looking at her. "I mean, you collapsed on the floor! Jeanette and I didn't know what the hell happened!" I didn't know if I should be mad at her or not right now. I was just so relieved that she was alright.

Eleanor smiled at us sympathetically. "Sorry." She said. Her voice sounded a bit scratchy.

I inhaled deeply. "Food poisoning." I said, shaking my head.

Eleanor sighed. "I know, I'm sorry." She said. "They told me they found bacteria in my body from raw meat." She bit her lip. "Remember how I said I did a baked chicken recipe last week from class? Yeah, well, I think I may have undercooked it a bit." She laughed nervously.

"Undercooked it? Jeez, Eleanor!" I sighed then I looked at her face. "You look so pale, Elle."

It was true. Eleanor's face lost it's pinkness and colour. It was now a tired shade of brown-ish gray. Eleanor touched her face then pouted.

Jeanette sighed. "Oh well. We're just so glad you're alright." She said. "You do feel fine, right?"

"Yeah, I feel a bit better. Just a bit dizzy, but they said it's normal." Eleanor smiled, then laughed lightly. "Hm, of all the things that can make me sick, food was the reason."

I rolled my eyes slightly. "It's not funny, you know. We were so worried."

Eleanor sighed, then smiled weakly. "I promise I'll be careful next time." She sighed. "I just can't believe that the chicken made me sick. I've never made a mistake on a food recipe before."

"Yeah, and speaking of food..." Said Jeanette, taking the coffee mug from Eleanor's hand, then looking at the thick liquid inside it. Jeanette made a face before handing it back to Eleanor. "What in the world are you drinking?"

Eleanor shrugged. "Dunno. They gave it to me and told me to drink it." She said before taking a sip. "It taste like a mixture between syrup, water and...salt."

"Ugh." Muttered Jeanette.

"Did they tell you about all the pills you have to take?" I asked.

Eleanor nodded. "Yeah, they told me everything." She groaned as she looked at the IV tubes that ran along her arm. "I can't wait until these things are out. I'm sick of them already." She said, and we laughed at that. Then Eleanor's face turned serious. She turned to us. "What exactly happened to me?"

Jeanette and I didn't say anything for a while. I sighed. "Well, I-I came back from my...date, and-"

"And how did that go?" Asked Eleanor.

I froze. I saw Jeanette turn to me for a second, before turning back to Eleanor. I looked up to look at her and I shook my head. "I'll tell you when you get better. I want to tell you two at the same time."

"Why can't you tell us now?" Asked Eleanor.

I shook my head again. Yeah, I wanted to tell them, but just remembering what happened a few hours ago made me feel like crying again. I looked down at the tiled floor for a really long time. "He told me he loved me." I said quietly, spiling the words so easily without thinking.

Both my sisters gasped quietly to themselves. I felt tears begin to form around my eyes. "Anthony told you?" Asked Eleanor.

I nodded and I closed my eyes. "And I told him the truth." I whispered, looking up to stare at my sisters' faces. They were both shocked. "I told him who I really loved. I told him that I loved Alvin."

My sisters said nothing for a whole minute. "Then what did he say?"

Tears began to spill out of my eyes once more. I felt so pathetic for crying again, but I couldn't contain my feelings. "He said everything he needed to say. And I guess I deserved it, but now he hates me. He is so mad at me. And I hate myself for hurting him. I never intended to hurt him. I told him the truth to save the both us us, but that didn't turn out right. Why do I do everything wrong!" I cried. I wasn't about to start screaming because I felt too weak to do that. I just sat there, crying softly.

Eleanor reached over and held my hand, while Jeanette wrapped an arm around me. "It's not you, Brittany." Said Eleanor.

I looked at her. "All of this happened because of me. Everything." I whispered, then I sighed. "But whatever. I don't care." I said, knowing that deep inside, the guilt still lingered within me. "And you know that I love you two so much for being concerned about me and all, but I don't want you guys to focus on me all the time. I feel so bad for making you two listen to my pathetic-"

"Brittany, it's fine, really." Said Jeanette, and Eleanor nodded. "We're sisters, and we always put each other first. And if there's something you want to talk about, me and Eleanor are here to listen. We want to help you get through it."

"We may not understand how you're feeling, but we can tell that you're hurt." Eleanor said quietly. "We can see how much you love Alvin."

I sighed, and smiled as tears ran down my cheeks. But behind the smile, I was sobbing. She was right. I love Alvin, and I was hurt. That's why my life was unbearable for me right now. "I know. Thanks guys, but it's just so hard." I shook my head. "I just don't wanna talk about him anymore."

My sisters sighed and nodded. It was silent for a moment before Eleanor spoke up again. "H-How did you guys find me? When I fainted, I mean." She said. I was glad that she changed the subject because if we continued to talk about Alvin again, I would break down emotionally once more. And the last thing I needed was to cry about him again.

Jeanette knew I didn't have the strength to talk, so she took over. "Well, you were in the kitchen, and I was in the living room watching TV. Brittany came back, and that's when we heard a loud noise coming from the kitchen. We ran inside, and found you on the floor." Jeanette sighed.

"Ugh. Well, that's embarassing." Muttered Eleanor.

Jeanette laughed lightly. "It's not your fault. You didn't even know. We're just glad that it's nothing extremely serious."

Jeanette and I stayed with Eleanor for the next hour or 2, just randomly talking and laughing about things. We didn't realize that it was almost midnight until a nurse came into the room, and politely asked Jeanette and I if it was alright if we went home, because Eleanor needed to rest.

I kissed the top of my sister's head. "Get lots of sleep, okay?"

Eleanor sighed. "I'll try." She said.

Jeanette and I laughed. "Goodnight, Elle." Said Jeanette. "We'll try and stop by again soon, okay?" She said, and Eleanor nodded.

"Goodnight." She said.

We waved goodbye, before walking out of her hospital room. Since we rode in the ambulance here, Jeanette and I took the bus home. It was a quiet ride, but I was thankful that our sister was alright. But now that I knew that Eleanor is fine, the other thing returned back in my mind - Alvin. And no matter how hard I tried to take my mind off him, my heart just won't let him go.

* * *

One week later...

It was the following Friday. I was so glad classes were done for the week. Jeanette and I decided to go straight to the hospital after class. People have been stopping by the hospital to visit Eleanor. Even Victoria did, which surprised me, to be honest. I wasn't with Eleanor when Victoria visited her, but Eleanor told me everything. Victoria doesn't know that my sisters know everything about her, but my sisters still managed to stay friendly with her. With me? Well, it was pretty obvious that Victoria's attitude towards me has changed ever since she found out about my feelings towards Alvin.

"Hey!" I said, when Jeanette and I entered the hospital room that evening.

Eleanor looked up from the book she was reading. "Finally. I was getting lonely."

I laughed as I took a seat beside her bed. I reached into my bag, and pulled out a bunch of paper and a textbook and handed it to Eleanor. "Here you go."

Eleanor frowned. "Are you kidding me?"

I laughed again. "Yup. At least you have something to do."

Eleanor rolled her eyes. "Homework, fun."

Since Eleanor had to stay in the hospital for the next few weeks, the Principal and Eleanor's professor did a little rearragning with her school timetable. So until Eleanor comes back to college, Jeanette and I had to pick up, and drop off all of her homework for the week. I did feel bad for my sister, but in a way, I envied her for being allowed to skip class. But then again, she had to be stuck in this hospital for the next few weeks.

"Did anyone else stop by today?" Asked Jeanette, sitting on the edge of Eleanor's hospital bed.

"Yeah. A couple of my friends from Foods class stopped by today during lunch." Answered Eleanor. She pointed to the window sill where Get Well cards, balloons and boxes of candy sat. "You guys can help yourself to chocolate if you want. I'm not allowed to have sugar until my medicine is done. I'm not allowed to have anything except for the disgusting hospital stuff they feed me here." She complained.

Jeanette giggled. "That disgusting hospital stuff is the stuff that helps you get better."

Eleanor groaned. "I am so jealous of you guys. It's only been a week, but I can't wait to get out of this place. Is this what prison feels like?"

Jeanette and I laughed, but before we could say anything else, we heard knocks coming from the door.

Jeanette looked at Eleanor, as she stood up. "You expecting someone?" She asked, but Eleanor shook her head. Jeanette raised her eyebrows, and she began to make her way to the door. I watched her as she opened the door. "Hi! Come in."

I tilted my head to see who was at the door. And seconds later, in walked Simon, followed by Theodore and Alvin. I felt my heart drop, and I felt my body turn ice cold with fright. This was not good, this was not good at all. I turned away, pretending to look for something in my bag. I was suddenly conscious and nervous. The last time I saw the boys was during mine and my sisters' birthday - when I screamed and yelled and cried, confessing that I was in love with Alvin, and when everyone else found out.

"Hey Eleanor." I heard Simon say. "How're you feeling?"

"Better." Answered Eleanor. "Thanks for visiting, guys."

I still had my back to everyone. I couldn't look up to look at them. I knew that Simon and Theodore know everything by now, but I still couldn't look at them. But the main reason I couldn't look up was because of the other boy - the one who was my best friend, the one I yelled at, cried to, confessed to, screamed at, saying that I loved him. I have never felt so scared to look at someone in the face before.

_'Because I love her.'_

Those words were said by Alvin, when I asked him why he didn't understand that I loved him. It pierced through me, killing a part of me inside. He loves Victoria, that two timing, lying slut.

"So, what's it like, having the hospital as your new home?" Asked Theodore.

"Ha ha." Eleanor answered dryly, which made Theodore, Simon and Jeanette laugh.

I gulped. Alvin was silent, and it didn't take a smart guess to know why he was quiet. And I'm pretty sure Eleanor, Jeanette, Simon and Theodore have realized that the two of us made no eye contact or anything to each other or to anyone the moment the boys walked in, but our siblings just left it alone. We both knew that they knew everything.

5 minutes passed slowly. Our siblings were talking to each other, while I stayed cemented in my spot, my back still facing everyone. I had enough. I can't stay in this room any longer. I sighed to myself, and stood up. And that's when everything went silent. I didn't look at anyone. I kept my eyes to the floor.

"I'll be right back." I said quietly, as if I was only talking to myself.

"'Kay." Said Eleanor.

I turned around and walked to the door, positive that everyone was watching me. I walked out the door, and sighed in relief. I was glad to be out of that room, but now what? What am I suppose to do now? Because I can't go back inside, not with Alvin in there. I made up my mind, and I began to walk. I honestly didn't know where I was going, but I'd rather be anywhere than in there. Being inside the same room as Alvin was unbearable and uncomfortable. And it just hurts me that I can't be in the same room as him without feeling like bursting into tears. We use to be so close to each other, we were the best of friends...

And all of this happened, because I fell in love with him.

It was a cloudy afternoon, and I wanted fresh air, so I walked out of the hospital and leaned against the cold marble walls. The cold November breeze danced in my hair, making me feel chilly. But I ignored the cold. I wanted to stay out here.

About 5 more minutes passed. People were coming out and going into the hospital every few minutes. I sighed, wondering what to do with myself now. I felt so useless, and so hopeless, I can't even explain it.

Few more minutes passed. Once again, I heard the hospital's front doors open behind me, but this time, it came with a voice that made my heart stop beating.

"Brittany."

The soft voice rung in my ears. I felt like breaking into tears and running away when he said my name, but I didn't move, and I could feel my fingers start to tremble. I didn't move my feet, and my breathing came to a halt for a long time. When I learned how to breath again, my breathing turned heavy, as if I had just woke up from a nightmare.

I heard footsteps coming towards me. I closed my eyes.

"Please, Brittany." The voice said again.

And this time, I had the strength to turn around. And once I was sure I was face to face with him, I opened my eyes, and found myself staring into his brown eyes. He stared into my eyes for a moment, before he finally blinked. He looked down for a few seconds before returning his gaze to me. I continued to stand as still as ice.

Alvin looked away from me, and continued to keep his eyes away from mine until he finally opened his mouth to speak. "We need to talk."

* * *

**Ooh, what's gonna happen between them? Another fight? Will more tears be shed? You guys will just have to wait ;)**

**Thank you all for reading. Please please review! Thank you! Xoxo**


	25. Tell me you love me

My heart began to race, and my head was starting to spin. But my eyes never left his face, yet Alvin was still looking away from me. I gulped. I was shivering with fright because of the situation I was in. I didn't have the guts to talk to him, because I knew what it was gonna be about. He knows that I'm in love with him - me, his best friend, his rival since we were 5, the girl he trusted, the girl he told everything to...

Now, we were nothing but strangers to each other.

It killed me to remember his face, and his reaction when I screamed my true feelings to him. I remember the feeling I got when I said it to him. It felt like a cold breeze that had swept over my body, relieved that I got it off my chest. But that feeling died in about 2 seconds when I saw his face. He looked shocked, confused and unbelieving, as if he thought it was all a joke. And that's what pained me - his reaction, and the words he said to me.

_'Brittany, I still don't get it. What do you mean?'_

I remember asking him why it was so hard for him to understand. Why didn't he understand? I said the words 'I love you' to him. How is that so hard to understand and believe? My heart was swelling at the memory, the way the tears ran down my face, how I shook with agony, how my throat was closing in because of all the screaming I did...

_'CAN'T YOU SEE THAT I'M CRYING RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I JUST TOLD YOU THAT I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU?'_

The words were stinging in my ears. I couldn't believe that those words came out of my own mouth, straight from my own heart - my torn up, shattered heart. And ever since that night, it was as if my heart turned into glass. It felt like breaking into a trillion little pieces every time I felt, heard, or saw something go wrong in my life.

But Alvin's answer, that was the one sentence I don't dare to replay in my head. I've cried almost every night, hearing those words pour back into my mind. The way Alvin looked at me when he said it, he looked frightened, yet pitiful. But he still said it to my face, breaking and murdering the rest of me.

_'Because I love her.'_

And that's when I wanted to run away. But the closest thing I had to running away was to run away from Alvin himself. And that's what I did. I ran, as tears of my personal hell washed my face, stinging as if my tears were made out of blades. I can't handle this again. I can't talk to him anymore. I don't want to hurt myself anymore, I don't want to scream or cry, because those are the only things I have done ever since I told him I loved him.

My mind flashed back to last week, with my date with Anthony. He told me he loved me, I told him I didn't feel the same, I had hurt him, and I watched him walk away from me. I wanted to run after him, saying I didn't mean to hurt him, but I couldn't. I knew how Anthony was feeling, if not, even more.

I didn't realize that Alvin and I have been standing out here for about a minute and a half, before he raised his head to look back into my eyes, but again, he remained silent. I waited. We were looking at each other for the next 10 seconds or so, staring at each other's face as if trying to read each other's mind.

I waited again, but the look Alvin wore on his face told me that he was expecting me to say something first. But I wouldn't. And even if I wanted to, I couldn't. I bit my tongue back, preventing myself from saying something I may highly regret.

And if I said something, regarding what happened to us when I told him I loved him, I knew I would start crying. But I had enough. I was tired of crying. I am done with screaming. I had to stay strong. But with each beat of my heart, I began to grow more weak, until it got to the point where I felt like giving in, like I wanted to surrender...

Finally, Alvin sighed, taking his eyes off my face once more. "We need to talk." He said again, but this time in a whisper.

I sighed deeply, and shut my eyes. I shook my head.

"Please." He whispered.

I opened my eyes, and found him staring back into my eyes, but in a more urgent and serious way. He didn't look like the Alvin Seville I knew. Was this really the boy who made me laugh uncontrollably, the boy I joked around with, the boy I fought with, the boy who loved to get into trouble, the boy I trusted? Yes, of course he was. But the seriousness in his tone, and the way he stared hard into my eyes made me forget who he was for a second.

But what really threw me off the edge was the fact that our faces were now just a few inches apart from each other.

I inhaled deeply. "No." I whispered.

"Please, Brittany." He said.

I stared hard at his face, feeling my heart speed up even faster. Our faces were so close, yet, I wasn't feeling afraid. I was only afraid of getting hurt. I took one step away from him. "No."

Alvin sighed, frustrated. "Fine." He said. "Then just listen."

As I mentioned, I was tired of getting hurt. And before my heart was dropped to the ground, before my ears heard something I didn't want, I turned around on my heel, and I began to walk away. But I had no success in my attempted escape. I felt Alvin grip onto my arm, and he pulled me back to him, making me face him once more.

"Don't walk away fom me." He said. He released my arm. "Please."

I pulled myself away from him, allowing a few feet of space between us. "Fine." I fired, hearing how weak my voice was. I hated myself for giving into his pleads, because I was starting to get that feeling where I just wanted to run away and cry.

Alvin sighed. He said nothing for a few seconds, as if he couldn't bring himself to talk. I waited, but he still didn't say anything. I shook my head, and once again, I started to walk away. But just like a few seconds ago, he got a grab of my arm, pulled me back to him and we stared at each other for the longest 2 seconds of my life.

"I wanna talk about that day." He began. I saw how nervous he looked. "The day you...told me."

And instantly, I felt all my self pity and sorrow melt away, and instead came a white-hot anger. I looked at him in disbelief. "You can't bring yourself to say it?" I said, sounding more malicious than intended.

Alvin sighed quietly to himself, but he didn't take his eyes off mine. "The day you told me you loved me." He said quietly.

And right when he said that, my anger melted away, and in returned the insecurities, agony, misery, remorse and suffering I have been dealing with for the past few months. I shook my head and closed my eyes. "Why? To remind me how much of an idiot I made myself be?"

Alvin shook his head. "No-"

I was beginning to feel insane. "To remind me about what you said to me?" I was beginning to breathe roughly. "Because you don't need to do that, you know why Alvin?"

"Brittany, please, just-"

"Because the words you said to me have NEVER left my mind." I screamed.

Alvin didn't reply. I was starting to feel mentally ill again. As hard as I tried to contain myself, I just can't. Everytime I see Alvin, or in this case, talk to him, something inside me sets me off, and that's how I end up yelling at his face like some crazy psychotic freak.

Alvin bit his lip. "Brittany, I-I want to apologize."

I turned away. "Don't." I whispered.

He sighed. "I didn't mean to hurt you like that." He said softly, ignoring my answer. "I was just so...shocked. Surprised. I-I didn't understand what was happening."

I felt hot fresh tears streak my face. It hurt to hear him say that. I shook my head. "Just stop it, please."

"I didn't know how badly you were hurt until you ran out the door." He said, ignoring me once again. "A-And once you did, I felt so angry at myself. I-"

"Why should you feel angry at yourself?" I fired. "You did nothing wrong! Everything is my fault." I started to cry. I looked at him, feeling deadly as I did. "Everything is my fault because I fell in love with you."

Then there was silence. It was so hard to say those words again in front of him. I closed my eyes, scared to look at his face, afraid to see his reaction, frightened that it would hurt me, and terrified that it would make me run away.

"I understa-"

"YOU DON'T!" I screamed. "Don't tell me you understand, because you don't." I looked at him, hard. "Tell me this. Have you ever fallen in love with someone you shouldn't have? Have you felt the things I felt? Have you ever had the person you love, tell you that they love someone else? No, but I have! And it's YOU who made me feel like this!"

Alvin looked so hopeless, but I wasn't gonna back out soon. I needed to get these things out.

"I've been crying every damn night because I love you! All these feelings are because of you!" I yelled.

"Brittany, I-I...I'm sorry." He whispered.

I felt tears run down my cheeks. "You know what? Save it. I mean, there's nothing else left to talk about. I told you everything you wanted to know. You asked why I wasn't acting like myself, and I told you."

Alvin gulped.

"I told you EVERYTHING." I cried. "Everything, Alvin. What else do you want me to say? I suffer everyday, just by being in love with you, and knowing that you don't feel the same. It hurts me to know what happened to us. We were best friends, we were so close to each other. And now, look at whats happened to us. We can barely be in the same room with each other anymore."

Alvin said nothing.

I looked down. "I'm not gonna start crying and screaming at you again, because I know that no matter what, you chose someone else." My voice was breaking apart.

"Britt..." He sighed.

I gulped. "I don't want to hurt you, Alvin. I'm not gonna make you choose because I know you're gonna pick her no matter what." I said, feeling a piece of myself die as I said each word. But I had enough. I had to do something, I had to escape.

"Brittany, stop doing this to yourself." Alvin whispered.

"So tell me, please..." I whispered. "Why do you love Victoria?"

Alvin froze for a long time. When he regained himself, he sighed. "I...Look, Britt, I don't want you to get hurt."

"What difference will that make?" I fired. The two of us said nothing for a whole minute. I shook my head. "I know you love her, but...but just remember that _I_ still love _you_."

Alvin breathed deeply, like he was still having a hard time hearing that I love him. "I'm sorry, Brittany." He began. "I would never ever hurt you, but...but you just gotta stop this."

I looked at him, confused. "What do you mean?"

"This...This isn't right." He said, looking away from me, as if afraid I would strike. "You have to stop."

"Stop what?" I asked.

He continued to keep his eyes away from mine. "You have to stop being in love with me."

When he said that, I felt my heart disappear, melting into a puddle of blood and agony. The words burned like poison. I felt sick. My fingers began to shake with the disblief I just heard. Tears began to spill like waterfalls. "What?"

Alvin closed his eyes for a moment. "I don't want you to suffer any longer. You're my best friend. You'll always be my best friend, but this whole being-in-love-with-me thing has got to stop. I can't stand knowing that I'm the main reason to why you're hurt. You have to move on."

"Move on?" I asked, my voice shattering.

Alvin sighed. "Because if you continue to feel this way for me, you're gonna continue to get hurt. And the last thing I want is for you to feel that. I understand that you feel this way about me, but Britt, you have to stop."

"W-Why are you telling me t-this?" I sobbed.

"I don't want you to get hurt like this anymore. And I can see how emotionally hurt you are. I've been noticing since Septmenber. And I hate myself to know that all along, it was me." Alvin looked at me, looking hurt himself. I knew he was pained to see me cry so hard. "You know I care about you."

"Bullshit." I fired weakly, behind my tears.

He sighed and looked down. "Can I ask you something? Why...why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell me when you first began to fall in love with me? Why are you telling me this now, when you know I'm with Victoria? Why didn't you tell me at first?" He asked.

My chest was heaving in and out because of my rapid breathing. "I don't know. I-I-I...I was afraid. I was afraid of what you would say!" I cried. "I was afraid that you were gonna say no."

Alvin looked down. Silence swept upon him for at least 60 seconds. "I wouldn't have said no."

At first, I didn't understand. "What?"

"I just wish you would have told me at first." Said Alvin.

Behind my tears, I managed to look at him, confused. "What do you mean?"

Alvin's eyes met with mine. His eyes were like a pool of soft gold liquid. "Because I was in love with you."

And my whole life came crashing down on me. Like a train wreck, or a car crash, every thought, memory and emotion that I had suffered through, piled up within me. I looked at him with scared eyes, and my heart raced so fast, it almost seemed inhumane. "What?"

Alvin said nothing. But his eyes were still darting into mine, and I could tell he was uncomfortable.

"Alvin, what are you talking about?" I whispered tearfully.

"I-I was in love with you." He said unstably. "Ever since I could remember. Ever since the start of high school, I think." He sighed. "But I never told you because well, we were Alvin and Brittany." He smile weakly. "People knew us as the pair who loved to hate on each other. They would have thought it was a joke if we were together. But we both knew that we were best friends, and that we would stick by each other no matter what."

It was as if someone just told me I only had 24 hours left to live. I couldn't believe my ears. I wanted to scream, but nothing came out. My lips were quivering, and my body was shaking.

Alvin sighed before continuing. "I was in love with you, Brittany. But it was impossible to tell, judging the way we act around each other." He frowned a bit, and he looked away from me. "In the beginning of September, the beginning to college, I wanted to tell you, but I didn't have the guts to. But I knew I still had to act the same around you, so it wouldn't be obvious. You know, best 'frenemines'."

I closed my eyes, feeling my heart pump with disbelief. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Silence.

"Alvin, why didn't you tell me?" I asked again.

"I..."

I opened my eyes. "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU WERE IN LOVE WITH ME?"

My throat was all dried up, but I didn't care. And a few seconds after I screamed, the sky echoed me, and instantly turned dark grey. And in a matter of seconds, millions of raindrops were falling from the sky. Alvin and I were instantly soaking wet, but with the way we were looking at each other, it was as if it wasn't raining at all.

Now no one could tell I was crying. The tears I shed were mixed with the raindrops that fell on my face. "Why?" I whispered.

Alvin looked hurt and confused. "It...it was too late."

"Too late?" I fired. "What the hell is that suppose to mean?"

Alvin gulped. "After I met Victoria, I...I fell in love with her."

"No." I cried, shaking my head. "That's impossible. You couldn't have fell in love with her that quickly."

Alvin said nothing.

I couldn't believe that we almost had the chance. Alvin and I had the chance to tell each other we loved each other. But our rivalry, our stubborness, and our egos made us miss the chance. It got the best of us. And it killed me to know that if we just had time, we would be together by now, in love, and we would have never gone through all this pain.

But we missed that chance.

"I just needed to tell you." He whispered.

"Why tell me this now?" I whispered, trying so hard to fight back tears.

Alvin looked away. "You need to move on, Brittany."

I shook my head, although he didn't see. "No."

He looked back at me. "Can't you see why this is wrong?"

"But we were both in love with each other at one point." I sobbed. "And you know that I'm still in love with you. I want you to be with me. I want us to be together!"

Alvin looked worried for me. He looked scared. "Don't do this." He whispered.

"And why not?" I cried, feeling burning hot tears dash down my face.

"I don't want you to get hurt anymore." He whispered.

I closed my eyes. "It doesn't matter."

"It matters to me." He said. "Britt, seeing you like this...knowing that you cry everyday because of me, it hurts me. I'm suppose to be your best friend. I'm suppose to protect you. But now with this, it makes me feel like I did something wrong."

And right after he said that, my mind darted to Victoria, and her secret affair. She had another boyfriend, and I was the only one who truly knew the truth. And I wanted to tell Alvin about it, but a part of me was holding myself back. I didn't want to hurt him by telling him. And even though it was the right thing to do, hurting Alvin, and breaking his heart was the last thing I wanted to do.

I just _can't_ tell him.

"You did do something wrong." I whispered. I looked at him. "You fell in love with the wrong girl."

"Britt..." He whispered.

"I know you're with Victoria, but don't forget who has stood by you, all this time. All these years." I said.

"I know." He said quietly. "But Brittany, please don't make me do this." Said Alvin.

"You were in love with me once." I whispered, and I began to walk closer to him. "Who said you can't be in love with me again?"

Alvin gulped, looking fearful, like he didn't want to hurt me.

"I love you." I breathed. "And we both know who's right for you, and who you're right for."

Alvin stayed frozen, paralyzed. He watched me as I took one more step towards him, filling the gap between us.

"Tell me you love me." I whispered abruptly, now face to face with him. Raindrops were dripping off of his bronze hair, and onto his face.

"I-I..." He stuttered.

My blue eyes connected with his gold ones. "Alvin..." I whispered his name. "Tell me you love me."

"I..." Alvin began, then he closed his eyes and took 3 steps away from me. "I can't."

I watched as he backed away from me. He looked frightened. "Yes, you can." I said, but I heard my voice shake.

"Brittany, stop." He whispered tamely, but pleadingly.

"Why can't you tell me?" I whispered.

"I just can't." He answered, looking away from me. It shocked me to see Alvin like this. I have never seen him so scared before. He didn't seem like the overly confident, egotistical, self centered, sporty ladies man everyone knows him as. I can't even find words to explain what he seemed like right now.

"Yes, you can!" I exclaimed again, hearing my voice get a bit pitchy as it broke with each word.

He shook his head, and bit his lower lip. He closed his eyes.

I walked closer to him again. "Please." I whispered. "Tell me you love me. You know you do."

He opened his eyes, and we both found ourselves staring at each other once again. "I'm sorry."

My whole body felt like it had drained of blood. I felt so dead, so ice cold inside. My pulse was getting overworked, and my breathing was high, as if I had just run a marathon. The chilly breeze flew past us, mixed with the cold rain, stinging my tear stained cheeks. "Why?" I whispered feebly.

Alvin closed his eyes shut. The only sounds that could be heard were the soft wooshes of the wind, and the distant honks of car horns from the nearby streets. Alvin and I stood there, in the pouring rain for what seemed like forever, as I waited for him to give me an answer.

After a long 30 seconds, he finally opened his eyes. "I love Victoria."

It was the second time hearing him say those words, but it still cut me like a knife, and shot through me like a bullet. I never knew words could actually damage and sting you, but these words did more than just sting, it killed me. It was as if an invisible hand punched me right in the chest. It hurt that much. I suddenly began to cry, hurtful, agonized tears.

"This is why I can't tell you." Whispered Alvin. "This is why you have to move on, Brittany. I don't want you to get hurt any-"

And in that moment, I didn't know what happened to me. I felt possesed, like I didn't know myself anymore. And without knowing, I brought my hand up, and slapped Alvin across the face. My hand shook as I pulled it back. Alvin suddenly brought his hand up to touch the area I just slapped. He stared at me wide-eyed for a few seconds. And when he looked at me, I just realized what I did.

I cupped my hands over my mouth for a few seconds. "Oh God, Alvin. I didn't mean to!" I cried, walking towards him.

He shook his head, stepped away from me and looked at me. "This is why we shouldn't be together." He fired. "The only thing we know how to do is fight and argue. And before you know it, someone ends up getting hurt."

I wanted to yell, saying that he was the one who hurt me first, but again, I knew I was wrong. He hurt me emotionally, I hurt him physically. "Alvin, I'm so sorry." I sobbed.

Alvin stared at me. He now looked agitated. "I'm sorry too. Sorry for even thinking that I should break up with Victoria, and be with you." He fired, and once he saw my reaction, he said, "I was so close to doing that, Brittany, seconds after I said I love Victoria. But you made me change my mind."

No words could explain the amount of tears I was shedding, but my anger was more powerful than anything right now. I couldn't believe what I just heard. I couldn't believe what Alvin just said. But I didn't have the strength to speak. I glared at him through my tears.

"F-ck you." I whispered through thick and heavy tears.

Then before I knew it, I turned around, and ran away from the hospital, leaving Alvin in front of the doors. I didn't care if my sisters were still inside the hospital, I just ran as I continued to cry brutally and heartlessly. I ran and I ran, all the way back to campus, which took me about 20 minutes. By the time I got there, I was exhausted, and completely drenched with rain.

I ran up the stairs, to my dorm room. I was glad it was empty. I shut the door behind me, ran inside my bedroom, pulled out my suitcases and luggages, pulled out all my clothes from the closet, and carelessly threw them inside the bags. I did the same with all my other belongings. I just tossed them in there, as I continued to cry.

"YEAH? WELL I'M SORRY FOR FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. I collapsed onto my bed, and I just sat there, sobbing for the next 10 minutes. When I regained myself, I looked at my suitcase, and my empty closet, and my empty drawers, and everything that held my stuff just minutes ago.

I just had to leave...

* * *

**Holy crap...**

**SO ALVIN _WAS_ IN LOVE WITH BRITTANY? WHAT? But of course, Victoria had to come in between them :( And what about Brittany herself? WHAT IN THE WORLD just happened there? **

**And DAMN IT Alvin! You're really gonna choose Victoria? Really? UGH.**

**I swear, this had to be the most intense chapter I've written! And this story is FAR from over, so there'll be more drama in the future chapters hehehe :D**

**Thanks for reading, everyone! Love you all! PLEASE please review! Thankyouu :D**


	26. Let it out

I didn't know what to do.

I was so overwhelmed, that I felt possessd. It took me about 10 minutes to gather up all my things and throw them into my suitcase. I felt so angry and so heated, it was as if nothing can stop me. Once I zipped up the last zipper on my suitcase, I took a step back to observe what I just did. My side of the closet was empty, along with everything in my side of the room. All my belongings were now zipped up inside my luggages.

My breathing came to a halt, and that's when it hit me.

_What the hell am I doing?_

"God..." I cried, sitting on my pillow-less and sheet-less bed. I was so frustrated, so tired, so hurt, I just wanted to leave. "What's happening to me?"

I had no idea what I was gonna do now. Yes, I wanted to leave this place. I wanted to leave now. I remembered when college was the only thing on my mind, knowing that this is what I've been waiting for. But now, I didn't give a care in the world. I knew I was gonna get into loads of trouble if I left. I mean, to be honest, this isn't me. Running away from college over some boy? That was showing how weak I was.

But after hearing Alvin say everything he needed to say, I didn't give a damn about anything, or anyone.

I just _had_ to leave.

I knew I was being stupid. Running away, because the one you love hurt you even more than you can imagine? But I couldn't stand it anymore. I'm sick and tired of getting hurt by him. I knew I said this before, but this time, I need to stand by what I say. I can't look at Alvin Seville anymore. I needed to get away from him forever.

I sighed, wiping my tear stained face. I had enough of all the problems I'm having with Alvin, Victoria and Anthony. I am done. But as pathetic as it was, running away from this place, I needed to. I had to. I knew I was gonna regret it sooner or later, but as of now, I wanted to ditch this place, and go back home.

I couldn't believe what I was doing. But I was doing it. I had to run away.

But that feeling of regret and stupidness remained within me. "What am I doing?" I groaned weakly.

My sisters were still at the hospital with Theodore and Simon, and who knows where the hell Alvin went to? After the fight we had today, after all the confessions, all the tears, and especially after I slapped him, I knew I had to go against what my heart is telling me. And inside my body, I was crying and sobbing, as I punched and screamed against the walls of my body, screaming at the top of my lungs that I hate Alvin Seville.

My heart clenched as I said those words in my head. But I was telling myself that it was the right thing to do. He's hurt me in ways words can't even explain. He said it to my face that he loves Victoria. He said it to my face that I had to move on...

That stupid bastard. Who the hell does he think he is, telling me to move on? It seems so goddamn easy to him because he's not in my position. He's not the one who cries every night, he's not the one who feels their heart shatter. He's not the one who has suffered every second of each day, he's not the one who is heartbroken. He's not the one who got told to 'Move on', because the one he loves, doesn't love him back. Because all of those are _me_. And it's all because of _him_.

"He doesn't want me to get hurt?" I whispered, thinking about what Alvin said to me. "That jerk. He's too stupid to even realize t-that he - that he's...that he's the one..."

And without knowing, I had burst into tears again. The entire talk Alvin and I had today, replayed in my head, over and over like a broken record. He told me he did love me for years, but in the end, chose Victoria. I slapped him across the face, and the look he gave me, tore me apart. I had hurt him. I remember the feeling I got once I pulled my hand away from his face. I was automatically regretful. But now, after realizing that all of this was a waste of time, he deserved it.

I mean, he said that he had been in love with me for years. _Years_. But he chose someone he had only known for _months_.

I looked at the analog clock on the wall. It was past 7PM. I was running out of time. I needed to make up my mind.

Do I stay here in college, continuing with my classes, and fufilling my childhood dreams? It seemed like the only answer to turn to. But if I stayed here, that meant I had to deal with the stress, pain and agony with Alvin once more. And I just can't look at him in the face anymore. I never, ever want to make eye contact, or speak to him ever again. He broke my heart once, twice, a million times. I'm done with crying and screaming, and telling him I loved him. What good will that do anymore?

He told me everything he had to say, and I had enough.

And Victoria...that bitch. She has the guts to date Alvin, making Alvin fall in love with her, when all along, she had someone else. And she had the heart to tell me the truth about it, like she didn't care at all. And why would she care? It's not like I was able to tell Alvin, despite how badly my heart wanted to. And besides, Victoria was right. If I told Alvin, he would never believe me. He was too in love with her to even listen to me - his best friend.

Best friend? Ha, bullshit.

And Anthony. God, what did I get myself into? He was basically my only friend here, but after what happened to us, I wish I had never met him. My mind flashed back to last week, when Anthony told me he loved me. But to save the both of us from getting hurt, I told him how I really felt. I didn't love him, I never loved him. And he walked away from me, heartbroken, reminding me of myself, and how I felt when Alvin said he didn't love me. And after Anthony walked away, I knew I had lost someone else I cared about.

My fingers trembled. I didn't deserve this kind of life. I didn't deserve anything at all. And it killed me to know that all of this happened because I fell in love with the boy I least expected to fall in love with.

I instantly made up my mind. I needed to go home. Right now, all I cared about was leaving. I didn't have the heart to care about how badly this will affect my life if I left college all of a sudden. Because in truth, my life was already ruined. College was now just a small and useless piece of me.

I took a deep breath, and stood up. And in that moment, my conscience began to hear me out. Deep inside, I knew that staying here was the right thing to do, but I tried so hard to go against it. _You don't have to run away. You can just stay here. Who cares about Alvin? Just do what's right for you..._

I shut my eyes. "I have to go." I whispered to myself, answering the little voice in my head at the same time.

_What good will that do? As you heard earlier, you have to forget about him. You have to move on..._

"Move on." I scoffed through heavy tears. I shook my head, regaining myself, and allowing myself to return to reality. As thick tears continued to flow down my face, I got all my bags together. As I walked across the dorm, I was beginning to feel nervous and regretful. I knew I was gonna get into tons of trouble, but it was the only way to escape...

I looked at the door of my sisters' bedroom. I sighed. I knew I can't text them, call them, or leave them a note, saying that I'm leaving, because I knew that they would try and stop me. And if I didn't allow them to stop me, I knew Jeanette and Eleanor would turn to the boys, and the boys would try and stop me. And the last thing I needed was to be near Alvin once more. After what happened today, Alvin Seville meant nothing to me. My feelings for him, gone. All I felt for him was hatred, and regret, wishing I could redo time, wanting to have never fallen in love with him in the first place.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, thinking about my sisters.

I then remembered what Alvin said to me, seconds after I slapped him across the face.

_'This is why we shouldn't be together. The only thing we know how to do is fight and argue. And before you know it, someone ends up getting hurt.'_

_Before you know it_? He was too arrogant to see that I am hurt, and he only cared about himself. I felt my face burn. I lost it. "STUPID INCONSIDERATE ASSHOLE!" I screamed, and I broke down into tears. I felt weak, and I knew I had surrendered to my temper. "God damn it! Why do I have to keep falling for him when he just keeps falling for her?"

I tried telling myself that I hate him. I hate Alvin Seville. There was no point in crying over him anymore because he didn't care. He only cares about himself. And as long as he's happy, nothing else matters to him. He doesn't care if I'm hurt. He doesn't care if he KNOWS I'm right for him, that I ache everyday because I love him. He doesn't care about anything at all because he was happy with himself. He's in love with Victoria, and it only takes that for him to forget about me - the girl who stood by his side all his life.

"I hate him." I whispered.

But after 1 second, it was as if fire started to burst inside me. And that's when I knew I was _wrong_. And if not, I knew that I was falling in love with him even more. But as I fell in love with him, the pain I felt hearing him, and seeing him with Victoria, increased. It was as if invisible knives had run themselves along the veins of my heart.

I shook my head once more, finalizing my choice. I had to go. And as tears fell one by one, I grabbed my bags, ran out the dorm room, out of campus, and into the parking lot. I didn't care about what people would say about me once they knew I disappeared - _if_ they knew I disappeared - I just needed to run away.

Minutes later, I got a hold of a taxi. The driver looked at me weird, wondering why I was crying like today was the last day of my life. But he politely asked where I wanted to go. I told him the adress to my house with a weak voice, and he looked at me with disbelief, realizing that my home was way too far out of reach for his service.

"Ma'am, that's at least 4 or 5 hours away from here." He said.

"Please." I whispered. "I need to go back."

I guess the way I cried, and the way my voice shook as I spoke made him feel sorry for me. He gave in, helped me with my bags, and drove me all the way back home.

I took one last look at the college, sighed, then watched it grow smaller as we drove farther and farther away from it. Then I thought about Jeanette and Eleanor. I sighed to myself, knowing that I had a lot of explaining to do.

My home, the house we grew up in. My heart ached as I thought back to the memories I had growing up in there. But it was also the first time returning there, after Miss Miller had passed away. I didn't know how I'd take it.

The taxi ride took about 4 and a half hours. I tried so hard not to think of my decision of leaving. I was so dead. But in a way, I hoped Alvin found out I left. I wanted him to know what he had done, I wanted him to know how much he's hurt me. I wanted him to see how I can treat myself, because of how much he's hurt me.

"He wants me to move on?" I whispered bitterly. "I'll show him."

It was past mindight when I got back home. My heart began to jump when I walked towards the house. It's been almost 4 months since I last stepped foot inside this house. I got my keys, inserted it inside the door, twisted it open, and stepped inside. I exhaled deeply once I took that one step. It was dark, and dead quiet. It felt like walking into a new place, but it wasn't. I've spent the last 19 years living here, this was my home.

"Oh wow." I whispered, as I walked around the place. Everything was still in place as if it had never been touched. I smiled weakly to myself. Miss Miller was always a bit of a neat freak when it came to our home furnishing. But the living room, the kitchen, the dining room and everything were still perfectly set in their original place.

I then made my way to a white wooden door - my door, my bedroom door. I slowly swung the door open, and once I got a glimpse of my pink bed, my pink curtains, my bookshelves and everything, images of me as a little girl returned to my head. I smiled and inhaled deeply as I began to look around my room as if it were a museum. I touched everything delicately. As I continued to look around, I noticed something that caught my eye.

There, sitting under a pile of books was a small shoe box.

I gasped, remembering what this box was about. I found it weird how I never saw this box again until today. I pulled the small shoe box from under the pile of books, sat on my bed and set it on my bed. My eyes stared at the lid, reading the giant bold letters in familiar scribbly childish handwriting.

_Alvin and Brittany's box of stuff._

I froze. Years and years of memories began to pour back right in front of my eyes. With trembling fingers, I opened up the lid. There, lying in the box were pictures of us growing up, pictures of the 6 of us, drawings, little arts and crafts, notes from school, ribbons, stamps and other little random memorabilias that I completely forgot about.

I sighed and smiled as I picked up a photograph of the 6 of us. The date at the bottom said 1996, which meant we were 10 years old. Then I picked up the note. I sighed again, remembering the story behind this note. We were in grade 7. Alvin and I got into trouble one day, because the teacher caught us passing notes in class.

_Mind if I borrow some mony later for lunch? -Alvin._

_And why didn't you bring any? And it's spelled 'money' -B_

_Dave was rushing me this morning. I kinda forgot. -Alvin_

_Well too bad. Find someone else to take money from. -Brittany_

_Please Brittany? What if I die of malnutrishin? -A_

_It's just one day, you'll live. And it's spelled 'Malnutrition'. Don't use words if you can't spell them, Alvin. -Brittany_

_Screw you. -Alvin_

Alvin and I thought it was funny, and after detention, we decided to keep this note. I then looked at the ribbon. It was Alvin's first place ribbon to the 500 meter dash competition from grade 8. I smiled when I saw the pile of stamps. Alvin and I gathered up all these stamps when we were 7 years old, wanting to send a letter to every single person in the world. But that dream ended when Simon told us it was impossible.

But what really got my heart stopping was the little piece of paper, folded on the bottom of the box. I pulled it out, unfolded it, read it, and closed my eyes, feeling tears fall down my cheeks.

_I, Brittany Miller, promise to be Alvin Seville's best friend, no matter how badly I want to kill him sometimes._

_I, Alvin Seville, promise to be Brittany Miller's best friend, no matter how selfish, vain and controlling she can be._

I remember. I can remember the day Alvin and I wrote this down. We were 10. Worst enimies, but of course, still best friends. We got into a big arguement over some useless thing, and Miss Miller had to give us a lecture about 'friendship'. And so at the end, we had to write this.

I stared at it, feeling my heart pump. You would think that one look at this would make me change my mind about everything, but no. It made everything worse. My hatred for Alvin intensified, and before I knew it, I threw the box across my bedroom. It hit against the wall, making it's belongings fall out and scatter on the floor.

Tears fell out, and my cries sounded like I was choking. I ran out of my room, as if being in there was a bad omen. I stood there, in the hallway, crying my eyes out. I leaned against the wall, and opened my eyes. My eyes stung from the salty tears, but once I opened them, the first thing I saw was a black picture frame that hung on the wall, holding a picture that made my heart shatter.

It was a picture of me, Jeanette, Eleanor and Miss Miller.

I thought I had accepted the fact that Miss Miller is dead, but one look at that picture made me lose it all. I suddenly found myself running into Miss Miller's bedroom. I slammed the door shut. No, Miss Miller is not gone. She is not dead. She's still here with me, with us. I had to believe she was still alive...

I collapsed onto her bed, breathing so dangerously short, and cried, "WHY DID YOU LEAVE US, MISS MILLER?" I screamed into the darkness. "WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME?"

My voice echoed through the entire house.

I buried my face in my hands. I was sobbing loudly, letting all of my grief out. "I need you, mom. I know you're still here." I whispered. "But you left me at the time I need you most."

Silence still ran through the house. I knew I was the only one here, but every single part of me ached and wished that some impossible miracle would make my mother return to life. I remembered the last day I spoke to Miss Miller. That was the day I told her that I was in love with Alvin.

"I screwed everything up, mom. He loves her, not me. I knew it would never be me, but mom, it was just so hard to hear." I sobbed against the palms of my hands. "He told me he was in love with me at one point. I couldn't understand why he doesn't love me now, when he knows that I love him. And I lost it. I slapped him across the face." I cried, looking up into the dark bedroom. "But he deserves it. He deserves what he got."

My chest heaved in and out from my heavy breathing. I felt like I was losing my mind, like I was going crazy.

"I want to hate him. I don't deserve this kind of life I have." I whispered, hearing my voice break. "But no matter how hard I try and hate him, no matter how hard I try and let him go, I can't. I still love him."

And realizing that I still love him, made me break down emotionally. Why do I still love him? After all he's done to me? After all he's said to me? I needed to let him go. But can I let him go? Am I able to let him go?

"I still love him, even though he doesn't love me. It will never be me." I cried. I shook my head, feeling reality sink it, realizing that I am here, back at home, when I should really be in college right now. "I left college because of him. I left my own sisters at the damn hospital BECAUSE OF HIM!" I screamed.

And once more, I broke down into tears.

"I-I-I just wish you were here, mom." I said after a few minutes of crying. "You would have made everything better. You would have known what to do..."

I looked down, and closed my eyes.

"I'm sorry for leaving college." I whispered. "I know you're disappointed in myself. I'm disappointed too. I still can't believe I ran away. This just isn't me." I gulped. "But I had to. I had to get away from him, from everyone. I'm sorry."

I knew I was gonna return back to college sooner or later, but as of now, I needed a break from it all. I needed to be with myself for a few days. I needed to be alone, isolated, away from my feelings and my thoughts. I was tired of being heartbroken, of being hurt. I couldn't stand another second, hearing _him_ say words I didn't want to hear.

"I don't know what to do with myself, Miss Miller." I cried. "I lost my best friend. He's in love with another girl, who doesn't even feel the same. She's just using him! And I'm the only one who knows the truth. And it kills me to keep the secret inside me, because I need to get it out. I know I'm right. And I want to tell him, but after what's happened to us, he would never believe me."

I tried so hard not to think about the day I found out about Victoria's affair. To realize that I was right about her all along, but having no guts to tell Alvin because I was afraid that he would get hurt, made me feel pointless and useless in life. Because even if I did tell him, there was no use. I would just have to continue living with it. The guilt and regret of being right, and knowing who Alvin chose, pierced inside me forever.

"It's clear that he doesn't feel the same way for me. But the problem is that as much as I can't force him to love me, I can't force myself to stop loving him." I whispered through harsh tears. "And it's so hard to feel that, Miss Miller. You don't know how hard it's been. You don't understand how hard my life has been ever since I fell in love with him." I cried.

I knew I was talking to myself, but I also knew that talking like this, as if Miss Miller really was here listening to me, would make everything easier. But that sinking feeling of truth, that the person you really want to talk to is dead, made it even harder.

I broke down into tears. "You don't understand how hard my life has been ever since you died, Miss Miller!" I cried. "A-And I just wish you would come back!"

I began to let all my tears out. I let all of the agony and pain out, feeling the truth set in, knowing that my mother was never coming back. Everyday, I think about Miss Miller, wondering what's she's doing up there in Heaven. I have learned to accept the fact that she's dead, but now, sitting here all alone with no one to talk to, made me realize that I haven't let go of my mother completely.

"You told me 'Don't be afraid to fall in love'!" I screamed weakly. "But look at what it's done to me! Look at what it's made me into!"

The silence of the house, and the malaise in my voice gave the impression that I was in some kind of horror movie. My screaming was the only thing that could be heard. But I knew I can't cry hard enough for Miss Miller to hear me - for Alvin to hear me.

"It's like, I hate him, and then I love him. Then I want to throw him off a cliff..." I sighed and shut my eyes. "Then I want to rush to the bottom to catch him." I said. "But I know that he will never be there to catch me."

I opened my eyes. Do I still love him? Do I still want to be with him? After all that's happened, do I still have to keep fighting for him? Him, Alvin Seville, my best friend since 5 years old. But what kills me now is knowing that we may never be best friends ever again. And what surprised me is that I didn't even _care_.

"Sometimes I wish I had never met him, because then I could go to sleep at night not knowing there was someone like him out there. So I didn't have to cry myself to sleep each night." I whispered. I shook my head and angrily ran my fingers through my hair. "Why did I fall for him? Why him?"

I remembered the last time I ever spoke to my mother. When I told her who I have fallen in love with, she told me that she always had a feeling about me and Alvin. Miss Miller was right all along, but as Alvin said, it was too late.

"Too late." I scowled, shaking my head. "He clearly sees me crying over him, and he has the balls to say that to me?"

It destroys me to know that I love someone, who use to love me back. I wish I could just walk away from him, showing him that I'm hurt, but the hardest part is knowing that he won't follow.

I sighed. "I just wish I could have done something right, Miss Miller."

And I knew I did have something to do - I had to tell Alvin about Victoria. I knew he wouldn't believe me, but who cares? If he hurts me again, then I would eventually have to get over it. But to be honest, what difference will that make? I am hurt every single day because of him. You would think I would get use to it, and that I should learn to get over it, but every time I see Alvin with Victoria, it was like my feelings were being slaughtered inside.

But Alvin just had to know. I don't care about what he'll say to me, I just had to expose Victoria's secret. I wasn't going to let her hurt him. But what am I saying? Why should I care? Why should I care if Alvin gets hurt? Because if he does, then he deserves it. For everything he has done to me, he deserves it.

But deep inside, I knew that if I saw Alvin get hurt, I would get hurt, knowing that it was all my fault.

I sighed and looked at the time on my cell phone. It was 1AM. And the last thing I wanted to do was cry again, because Alvin doesn't matter to me anymore. He said what he needed to say, and I heard what he wanted to say.

It was over.

I sighed, got off the bed as I wiped my tears, walked to the bedroom door and looked down, knowing that I can never step foot inside this bedroom again without feeling the hurt of knowing that my mother was never coming back.

"I know you'll always be with us, Miss Miller, one way or another." I whispered, and I bit my lip to fight back tears.

I closed the door behind me, and walked into the kitchen. I sighed as I sat down at the table. I abandoned college, just to run away from my feelings, and to get away from Alvin. But now what? What am I suppose to do now? Be locked up here at home until I had the guts to return?

But I knew it was the only thing to do. If I wanted to forget about Alvin Seville, then the only way out of my problems was to stay away from him until I was strong enough to go back. And once I did, I had to tell him about Victoria. And I wasn't going to show him how weak I was. But the question I was asking myself is, will I ever have the nerve to return?

"He means nothing to me." I whispered. "I am so stupid for falling in love with him, stupid for telling him I love him. And he think he has the right to hurt me, saying all of that in front of my face?"

I shook my head, telling myself I was done.

But tell me what hurts more. Thinking I should hate him? Or knowing I don't.

* * *

**Aww. Poor Britt! Without Miss Miller there, the girl is going grazy D:**

**I know the chapter started off slow, but trust me, the upcoming chapters will be way better. Something is gonna happen to Brittany, but you guys will just have to wait and see ;)**

**Hope you enjoyed the chapter! Please please review! You are all incredible! Thank you!**


	27. Guilt

2 weeks later...

It's been exactly 2 weeks and 2 days since I ran away from college, and now, looking back, running way has to be the most stupidest thing I have ever done in my life.

I thought it would be a good way to just let go of everything going on in my life, and just be alone to get myself together. But no. It made everything worse. For the past 2 weeks, I have been jailed inside this house, only stepping out when I needed to go to the grocery store or whatever. But other than that, it's been nothing but silence and loneliness.

I'm beginning to regret my decision of running away, but at the same time, I'm glad I did. I didn't have to see that jerk Alvin Seville and his bitch of a girlfriend, Victoria. But the thing that worried me most was my sisters. I didn't tell them I had left college for a while. Gosh, I didn't tell anyone I had left! I mean, I left them at the hospital! Eleanor was still stuck in the hospital, and I had the heart to just run away? I knew my sisters would be so angry at me, and I knew I had a lot of explaining to do.

I felt like crap.

But I knew it was time to go back. 2 weeks have been long enough. And as much as I didn't want to leave, I also had no choice. I didn't want to be that girl who dropped out of school, and labelling her own self as a loser in life. I knew people were gonna say things about me once I came back. But to be truthful, I didn't care. After what Alvin said to me, I didn't give a shit about anything.

It was a cloudy Sunday evening. It was the first week of December, which meant that the cold weather was rolling in pretty quickly. I was in the living room, sitting on the couch, tangled in a blanket while the TV was on. But I had no interest on what was on TV. My mind was too busy to even notice what I was doing.

I sighed. For the past 2 weeks, my daily routine would be the same. I would wake up, wash myself up, eat breakfast, then isolate myself from reality until it was time for bed. I know, I'm pathetic. But just being here, by myself, and just having the room to do and think about anything without feeling conscience, felt like a relief.

But the relief came and went. Because I knew that no matter what, I had to return to college. I had to return to my sisters, to my class - I had to return to Alvin.

No matter how hard I've tried to tell myself to move on, I couldn't. I just couldn't. Moving on was the hardest thing to do. Despite what Alvin and I went through, I still couldn't accept the fact that he doesn't love me. Why doesn't he love me? And why do I still love him? I've told myself that Alvin means nothing, but every time I say that, a little part inside of me bursts.

And I knew I was wrong. Alvin, the boy who breaks my heart everytime I see him, means everything to me - and that's why I can't move on.

I felt weak. 2 weeks ago when I came back home, I felt so strong and so confident that I was over him, that he didn't matter, and that he didn't mean anything to me. But now, 2 weeks later, I was back to my own insecure, hurting self.

I sighed and looked down. I grabbed the TV remote and turned the TV off.

I was surprised with myself. Even though I have thought about Alvin every night, I hardly did any crying. The only crying I did was the regret I felt of leaving, and the pain of Miss Miller's death. I still hadn't gotten over the fact that she's dead. I still haven't let go of my mother. But over the days, I was slowly regaining myself, knowing that Miss Miller was with me, every step of the way.

After all, she was the one who told me 'Don't be afraid to fall in love'.

I inhaled deeply, got up and went to the kitchen. I felt so pointless. You know, those kinds of people who do nothing but stay at home because they were too lazy to even move? Yeah, I felt like that. It hurts me to know that I am suppose to be in college right at this very moment, doing the right things and everything. But instead, I'm here at home, an insecure girl who ran away from her dreams because of her feelings.

I shook my head, telling myself to get a grip, and to get over it. I already spent 2 whole goddamn weeks here at home. What's the use of getting mad at myself over a stupid choice I made?

I walked over to the fridge, pulled it open, and stuck my head inside.

"What the hell?" I whispered.

Empty.

Just a few days ago, the fridge had food, not alot, but just enough. Like canned fruits, a box of cereal, 2 cans of chicken soup, half a jar of cream cheese, half a loaf of bread, and a jug of milk. The cream cheese, bread and milk all went to waste. I threw them out the moment I saw them. I mean, who knows how long they were in the fridge for? After my mother died, the least the people could do was to clean the house up. I shuddered at the thought, trying hard not to think about what would happen to the fridge if I hadn't of come home. It would of been eaten alive with mold.

The canned fruits were okay, so were the canned soups, and I had to eat the cereal plain, but those were all gone. Even the cupboards were completely empty as well. It was like a ghost town.

I closed the fridge and frowned. I was starving. I hadn't eaten anything all day. I looked at the clock on the wall. 9:30PM. I guess I had time to run over to the grocery store and pick up some food. I went into my room, got changed, grabbed my purse and my car keys and went outside.

I got into my car and sighed. It's been way too long since I drove. And God, I missed my car.

But all of my happiness died away as quickly as it came. I inserted the key into the car, but the engine began to sputter. I tried again, but still no luck. I tried 5 more times, before realizing that I had no more gas.

"Shit." I muttered, tossing my keys over to the side. I got out, slammed the door, and as much as I dreaded to do so, I started to walk. I had no other choice than to walk.

It took me at least 20 minutes to walk to the grocery store, which sucks because it'll probably take me another 20 minutes to walk back. Maybe even longer, depending on how much stuff I buy. Once I arrived there, I told myself to get in, buy the stuff I need and get out.

It literally took me only 10 minutes to buy what I need because it was getting dark outside and the last thing I needed was to walk home alone in the dark. I bought enough food to last me a few days because I knew I had to return to college soon, because if the teachers found out I left, then it would be Goodbye to my future. But just thinking about returning and seeing the look on my sisters' faces...and Alvin's...

I walked up and down the isles, only taking what I need, and not bothering to look at the prices. But as I went around the store, I noticed this older looking guy, around 30-ish, 40-ish, staring at me. It was creepy how I saw him in almost every isle I went into, considering how big the grocery store was. At first, it just seemed like a coincidence, but after bumping into him like, 10 times, I was beginning to get creeped out.

I walked into the cereal isle, and saw him again. He turned his head, and once he got a glimpse of me, I noticed his eyes scanning up and down my body.

I gulped, grabbed a box of cereal, turned around on my heel, and walked away quickly. "Pervert." I muttered under my breath.

Okay, yeah, I guess I'm kinda used to having guys look at me like that, but THAT guy looked old. Like, pedophile old. I was getting a bit frightened, so I decided to cut back on my shopping, and just check out. The sooner I get out of here, the better.

I was having an extremely hard time juggling a box of Rice Krispies cereal, a small carton of milk, a bag of mini carrots, a bag of apples and a bag of tea bags in my arms, but I was still able to walk over to the cashier. I looked out the store windows and noticed how dark it was getting. I sighed, suddenly getting impatient. I found it stupid how to store only had 3 open registers. Yeah, I get it, the store is closing soon, but would it kill them to open a few more cash registers?

As I impatiently waited in line, the box of cereal accidentally fell out of my arms.

"Crap." I muttered, knowing that with my hands full, I wasn't able to pick it up. I might as well kick it to the cash register until it was my turn to have my things be checked out. But before I knew it, the person behind me bent over, picked it up, and put it back in my arms.

"Need some help?" He asked.

I turned around, and froze. It was the old guy who kept on checking me out. "No thanks." I said.

"Come on." He said, his voice sounding eerily creepy and smooth. "It looks like you need some help with that."

I turned my back on him. "No thanks." I fired again.

He chucked softly and said, "Okay, whatever you say."

Good lord, I was getting scared. But I managed to look calm. If I have learned some things from Miss Miller, it's being strong, and not talking to people who look freakishly suspicious to you. It took at least 5 more minutes until it was my turn. I put all of the things I wanted to buy on the moving belt, but this time, the tea bags fell to the ground. And before I could reach down and grab it, the man behind me picked it up again.

I froze for a second, then looked up at his face. He was smiling at me, making the wrinkle lines that covered his aging face, more noticable. I waited a few seconds for him to give it back, but he didn't. "Excuse me, that's mine." I snapped, yet, feeling scared as I did so.

He grinned, showing his disgusting crooked and coffee-stained teeth. "My, a lady with a temper. That's no way to thank a guy who-"

"You know what? Keep it." I said, turning away in disbelief. I didn't need to start a conversation with him.

The guy chuckled again. "I was just playin' with ya. Jeez." He said, reaching his arm out to place the bag of tea on the belt, briefly touching my arm as he did so.

I was beginning to get uncomfortable so I stepped away, out of his reach. I watched as the check-out lady scanned each object, one by one. It took forever, and I was getting more uncomfortable and more annoyed by the second. I could feel the man's eyes behind me, watching me.

After the check-out lady placed my food in the bags, I instantly grabbed them, and walked out the store, feeling grateful that I was away from that old freak. But now, the problem was that it was almost pitch black outside, and I had to walk home - alone. I hate to admit it, but I think I forgot the way home. But I started to walk, passing the almost-empty roads and pass the dark houses. Just knowing that I was walking home by myself made me break out into a cold sweat.

I had only started walking for at least 3 minutes when I heard a voice behind me.

"Hey, sweetie!"

SHIT. Even though I've only heard that voice like, 3 times, I knew who it belonged to - the pervert from the grocery store.

I didn't dare turn around, and I continued to walk, gradually speeding up my pace as I did. My heart began to pound, and my fingers trembled as I carried the plastic bags in my hands. I told myself to keep walking, and don't stop until I got back home. But the worst happened. I started to hear heavier footsteps coming towards me.

"Hey, don't run away from me, hon." The man said. "I just wanna help. Looks like your havin' a hard time with those groceries."

I continued to walk, wanting to break out into a run. But I knew it would only make things worse. I took about 5 more steps when I saw the shadow behind me come closer and closer until the man was walking right beside me. I couldn't hide the expression in my face. I was terrified, but I still didn't look up or say anything to the man.

"Remember me?" He asked.

I said nothing, feeling drops of sweat form on my forehead.

"What's a gorgeous girl like you doin', walkin' home all alone at a time like this?" He said quietly. "It's dangerous, hon. You never know what kinds of people are walkin' 'round here at night."

That's when I lost it. "Leave me alone." I spat.

He grinned. "Why would I want to do that?"

"Get away from me before I call the police." I threatended weakly.

I guess the man heard the fright in my voice, because he laughed even harder. "Now, we wouldn't want that, would we." And before I could do anything, the man grabbed my right arm, almost making me stumble, and pulled me close to him. He looked at me in the face and smiled. "How about we take a walk together. I wouldn't want pretty girls like you, walkin' around at night all alone."

I couldn't scream. I felt tears forming around in my eyes. "No..." I whimpered.

He smiled. "Don't worry. You'll be safe, I swear."

I tried getting out of his hold, but his grip on my arm was too tight to even get out of. "Let go of me." I said.

He smirked, before he pulled me even closer. I looked away, feeling hot tears run down my cheeks. "Nah." He said.

And without knowing, I swung my left arm up, and hit him across the face with my bag of groceries. "LET GO!" I screamed.

His eyes pierced through mine, and that's when I knew I made him angry. He shook his head, and chuckled, clearly annoyed now. "You're about to learn why you shouldn't mess around with guys like me, hon." He said, and he grabbed both my arms, making me drop my bag of groceries.

The force of his grab made me scream out loud. The man scowled and covered my mouth with his big filthy hand. I didn't stop screaming, and I tried struggling out of his grasp with all my might, but he just wouldn't budge. I began to kick and shove, but it was no use. I felt one of his arms snake around my waist, coming to the rim of my shirt. That's when I began to feel sick, but I didn't stop kicking or screaming.

He leaned towards my ear. "Scream all you want, girl. No one will hear you." He whispered, as his fingers slowly made their way along the edge of my stomach. "Now how about we-"

Before he could finish talking, I kicked him straight between his legs, causing him to cringe and let go of me.

Now, all I had to do was run. I grabbed my groceries from the floor, and I began to sprint. Hot fresh salty tears ran down my cheeks, unable to believe what was happening. I was scared for my life. My heart was pounding. I wanted to scream, but I knew it would just make the guy even angrier. I had to escape. I had to run away before he could get his hands on me again.

I heard the man wince behind me, but he laughed. "Runnin' away won't solve anything." He growled.

I looked behind me, and instantly regretted doing that. The man got up, glared at me with evil eyes and dashed towards me. I began to scream for my life. I was yelling and screaming, feeling my throat burn with pain as I did. But the man was too fast. When he got a hold of me again, it was as if my life had sunk into it's own death.

"Shut up!" The man whispered fiercely, wrapping a tight arm around my neck, pulling myself close to him. "Make one more sound like that, and I will hurt you."

I began to sob. "What do you want from me?" I cried, trying so hard to keep my voice at it's lowest.

The man chuckled darkly. "With a body like yours, what's not to want?"

"Please." I sobbed even harder. "Let me go. I-I'll give you money, anything. Just let go of me."

"Baby..." The man whispered, and it gave me a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach. He began to feel around my body again, and I knew he was smiling to himself.

I started to cry hysterically. I didn't know what to do. If I screamed, he would hurt me. But if I did nothing, I would still get hurt. But the main reason to why I was crying is because of my regret. If I hadn't of left college, none of this would be happening. If I would of stayed strong, and let go of Alvin, this wouldn't be happening. If I hadn't of fallen in love with Alvin in the first place, this wouldn't be happening.

But because of my temper, and my stupid choice of running away, in a matter of seconds, I would get raped.

"You gotta boyfriend?" He whispered in my ear.

I shook my head weakly, still whimpering through scared tears.

"Man, some people are missing out." He said, and I could hear the smile in his voice. "Looks like I'll be your only man tonight."

And that's when I had enough. Once more, I tried kicking him between the legs. But it was more difficult this time, since he had an entire hold of my body, but I still managed to do it. I kicked him even harder in the balls, and he yelled, letting go of me once more.

"F-CKING PERVERT!" I screamed at the guy, who was now on his knees.

I could see tears in his eyes from all the pain. I started to run away. I ran so frantically, that I was already out of breath in a minute. As I ran, I pulled out my phone and called 911. After 2 rings, they picked up, and I literally screamed into the phone, explaining what was happening. Of course, I had to be smart. I didn't want to be involved in this situation, so I told them that I 'saw' a guy harrassing a girl in the middle of the street, but the girl ran off, and if they get there in time, they would be able to catch the asshole who tried to rape the girl.

I ran for 2 minutes straight. And as stupid as it was, I stopped and hid behind a tree and looked back. I felt like crying tears of relief when I saw distant red and blue lights, meaning that the police arrived. Man, when people call for emergencies, the police are damn fast.

"Oh god..." I whispered to myself, leaning against the tree. My heart was still beating very fast. "What the hell just happened?"

Realization hit me like a train. Why am I here? Why did I leave in the first place? I looked down at the dark ground and sighed. This is what I got for running away. But never in my life would I have guessed that tonight would end up being like it was. I ran out of food, walked to the grocery store in the dark, got stalked by this pervert, and almost got raped. I was just thankful that I'm still alive.

After a few minutes of regaining my head, I stopped and looked around me. Where the hell was I? It was pitch dark, and I couldn't see where I was. I couldn't even tell if I was on the right street or not. I stuck my quivering hand into my pocket and pulled out my phone. I looked at it, and held it tight in my hand as I closed my eyes. I had no one to call, I had no one to turn to.

I gasped and opened my eyes when I heard screaming in the distance.

"GET YOUR GODDAMN HANDS OFF OF ME."

"Sir, you have the right to remain silent or else we WILL shoot."

I felt frightened once again. And without knowing, I had began to walk away, into the unknown road. As of now, I didn't care where I was going. I needed to get farther away before any more trouble could be caused.

As I sped away, I began to cry. This was not the life I wanted. Why was all of this happening to me? I almost got hurt, kidnapped...killed. I scowled to myself, as my mind darted to Alvin. This is what he did to me. Because of him, this is why my life has turned worse than hell. Because of his stupidness, he was with someone who didn't even care about him. And because of his arrogance, he had hurt me once more.

But as much as I wanted to hate him, I felt guilty to know I wasn't there with Alvin, to save him from getting hurt by Victoria. I felt guilty that I wasn't there to protect him as his best friend, like we had always promised. Because of Alvin Seville, I am falling apart.

But the anger melted away as fast as it came. I sighed, because I knew I couldn't blame Alvin. It's my fault. I know I've said this a trillion times but because of my idiocy, I was here, and I got what I got.

I closed my eyes and felt tears run down my cheeks, and off of my face. I just wanted to go home...

I sat down on a wooden bench, and dropped my grocery bags on the cold stone floor. I put my face in my hands while my elbows rested on my knees. I didn't know what to do anymore. I looked up, and squinted through my tired and tearfilled eyes. Cars would drive by, one by one, probably on their way home. I looked at the time on my phone. 10:30PM. I was stuck here, in the cold night, unable to find my way home...

I continued to sit here for the next 10 minutes or so. My mind was empty, I was drained of energy and I was shivering cold. I just sat here, looking straight into the dark, with a blank face, wondering if I really deserved to live.

I inhaled deeply. "Maybe I should just ditch college forever, and just disappear. I mean, no difference will be made. No one will care. Alvin won't care, that's for sure." I said, scowling his name.

But I bit my lip. One of the reasons of running away from college was to get my mind off of Alvin. But it seemed to have made it worse. I've been thinking about him even more ever since I left. And it just hurts me to know how weak I was, knowing that I couldn't, and wouldn't let him go.

A dark green car passed by, stinging my eyes with it's bright light. And when I thought that things couldn't get any worse, it started to drizzle. The rain started off light, then after half a minute, it began to pour. I closed my eyes, feeling the rain drip down on me. It reminded me of 2 weeks ago, during the last time Alvin and I talked. It was raining that day, soaking us both. That was when I asked him - pleaded to him - to tell me he loves me.

I promised myself to never think back at that memory. But it burned inside my head. The image of him shaking his head and saying 'I can't', killed me. But why should I care? Alvin made it quite clear that we would never be together. He said it himself. He told me to move on, and this is me moving on. But just after 2 weeks, nothing got better. So imagine how hard it'll be if I had to move on forever?

But before I could think about, or do anything else, that same dark green car passed by me again, this time in the opposite direction. I mean, it could of been a different car that looked identical to the one earlier. But what really got me frightened, like blood-leaving-your-face frightened, was when the car drove by one more time, this time, coming to a halt in front of me.

My eyes widened. My heart wanted to jump right out of my chest. No, I can't handle this anymore. I had just been stalked by a rapist, and now, some random car just stops a few feet away from me! I wanted to run away, but I was too cold to even more. I was drenched in the pouring rain, while the ice cold breeze flew past me. I felt like a block of ice, but I tried my very best to move my legs. It felt like a life or death situation. Who was in that car? And why in the world did they stop right in front of me?

The window closest to me rolled down. I was too afraid to look at who it was. I was too afraid to scream. I just wanted them to leave me alone...

"Brittany? Is that you?"

I gasped after hearing the voice, and looked at the car, trying to look through the darkness of the vehicle.

"S-S-S..." I couldn't get a single word out. I was freezing to death. My teeth were chattering.

"What the hell are you doing out there? Get in here."

With the tiny strength I had, I was able to get up, and I shuffled over to the car door. From the inside, he pushed the passenger door open, and helped me get inside. He grabbed the groceries from my hand and put it on the car floor. Once he shut the door, he looked at me with disbelief. He looked at me with hard eyes, as if he didn't know how to start talking.

"I can't believe you. Are you out of your mind?" He exclaimed after a moment of silence.

I looked into his blue eyes. "S-Simon..." I chattered.

He shook his head. "Unbelievable." He muttered. "I-I don't even know where to begin!"

I had no idea why he was mad at me, but I just continued to look at him, clueless.

He groaned. "It's clear you can't talk right now, but are you trying to freeze yourself to death?" He exclaimed.

I narrowed my eyes, still unable to speak.

He sighed, realizing that I was basically an ice sculpture at the moment. "Want me to drive you home?" He asked.

I nodded.

He sighed, and muttered something to himself that sounded like 'Lucky that I was there...", but said nothing else and began to drive.

I was so confused right now. What the hell was Simon doing here? Shouldn't he be back in college with everyone else? Yeah, I know. I was here too. And the boys grew up in this neighborhood as well, but what are the chances of two out of the 6 of us being here, finding me on the streets in the middle of the night on a Sunday. Not to mention a school night. And I knew how strict Simon and Jeanette were when it came to school. So WHAT was he doing HERE?

It took at least 10 minutes for him to drive back to my house. I got my warmth back, but I didn't say anything. Simon didn't say anything either. And once we arrived back in front of my house, Simon got out of the car faster than I did. Once we were at the front door, I looked at him.

I sighed. "Simon, I-"

"We need to talk, Brittany." He said.

I still didn't understand why he was mad at me. But I had a feeling that it was a bad sign. I sighed and pulled out my keys. I swung the door open, and heard it close behind me after Simon walked in. I put my soaking plastic bags of groceries on the floor, and walked into the kitchen, knowing Simon was following right behind me.

I took a seat at the table, while Simon took the seat in front of me. "Simon-"

"What are you doing here?" He fired.

I looked at him in disbelief. "I could ask you the same thing."

"Dave called me last Friday, and asked if I could could home for the weekend because he needed help renovating the house." He said. "What's your reason?"

I bit my lip, knowing I couldn't answer.

Simon shook his head and sighed. "Is this where you've been in the past 2 weeks?" He fired.

I sighed out loud. "Okay, fine. Yes, but-"

Simon groaned. "Jeez, Brittany. We thought you had disappeared! Do you know how scared your sisters are?"

I gulped. "I-"

"The moment Jeanette found out you hadn't come home for 2 days, she instantly called me, Theodore and Alvin, and the 4 of us had to go to the hospital to tell Eleanor that you were gone!" He exclaimed. "Do you know how worried you've made your sisters? They've been crying everyday! Why did you leave without telling them? Why did you leave at all? And for 2 weeks! What the hell is wrong with you?"

I said nothing.

Simon stared at me, and I could tell he was mad. "Who in their right mind would do this? I mean, you suddenly ditched college for no reason without telling anyone, making your sisters, and us, worried like you had left forever. And now, I find you in our hometown in the middle of the streets in the pouring rain! What are you trying to prove?"

"I-I..." I shook my head and sighed. "I wanted to leave, okay? End of story. Why are you getting mad at me anyway?"

"_Why_?" He asked in disbelief.

I just nodded, glaring at Simon with hard and serious eyes.

He stared at me. "I'm not mad. I'm just trying to talk some sense into you! I mean, not only have you ran away from college for no reason, making your sisters scared and worried to death..." He started, but he trailed off. After a few seconds, he sighed and stared hard at the table. "I'm also worried about my brother."

I knew he was talking about Alvin. But I shook my head, and looked away. "Worried about Alvin? Ha." I said, almost insultingly.

Simon sighed. "Listen, Britt. I know that you and Alvin are...on a rough path right now..." He looked up at me. "But he still cares about you."

I tried so hard to ignore the last part. "He doesn't concern me anymore." I fired bitterly. "And I know he doesn't even care about me, so why should I care about him?"

Simon sighed. "Is that what you think? Because when we found out you were gone, Alvin has been putting the blame on himself. He thinks it's all his fault."

I bit my bottom lip to fight back tears of guilt. "Good. He'll be glad to know that it _is_ all his fault." I fired weakly.

Simon exhaled deeply. "Alvin is literally going insane, Britt. More than your sisters, to be honest. He's worried sick about you."

And after Simon said that, I felt like screaming. I wanted to fight this feeling of hurt, this feeling of resentment, this feeling of remorse. But I felt so weak, so frail. And when I felt my heart crash, and when I felt tears roll down my cheeks, I knew I had just surrendered to my guilt.

* * *

**Will Simon be able to talk some sense into Brittany? Will he be able to convince her to return to college? And what will happen when Alvin and Brittany see each other again? :O**

**Hope you liked the chapter! PLEASEE review! Thank you! :D**


	28. Not his fault

I looked away, ashamed that I was crying. "He's not worried about me." I fired angrily.

Simon sighed. "He is, Brittany. If you saw the way he-"

"He doesn't give a damn about me." I whispered.

Simon said nothing for a long time. I closed my eyes and wiped away my tears with my trembling fingers. I sighed to myself, thinking about what would have been the outcome of me right now if Simon hadn't of found me on the streets. I would probably be stuck in the pouring rain, freezing and crying to death. Ending up on the streets was not me at all, but now, I didn't really care where I was. I just wanted to be somewhere where I didn't have to deal with everything going on in my life - But _that _was literally impossible.

But I know I deserved what I got. But this; This whole fiasco between me and Alvin...no, I didn't deserve this at all - Did I?

"You know Alvin still cares about you." Simon said quietly.

I shook my head. "No."

"So after all of those years of you two knowing each other, he's just gonna forget about you? Forget that you even exsist?" Said Simon.

"It sure seems that way." I said weakly.

"Listen, Brittany. The 6 of us have grown up with each other for the past 15 years. But it's clear that you and Alvin are more than what Theodore and Eleanor, and what Jeanette and I are to each other. Because the 4 of us are just best friends. We've all been for years. But there's just something about you and Alvin that makes you seem protective of each other." Said Simon.

I sighed. "Yeah, I know." I whispered. He was right. Despite how badly Alvin and I have fought over the years, we would always find a way to make up, and become the best frenemies everyone knows us as. "But...But it's not like that anymore."

Simon said nothing for a few seconds. "How?"

"I mean..." I sighed deeply. "Alvin and I seem so distant from each other now. The way we talk to each other nowadays, well, you would have never guessed that we've been friends for years. I feel like I'm talking to a stranger whenever I'm near him." I whispered, extremely hurt.

"Why though?" Simon asked.

I shook my head. "Whenever I'm around him, it makes me feel uncomfortable. And it's not because of the fact that I-I...love him." I paused for a moment. "But I don't know. It's just something else. It so different around him now. I use to be so comfortable whenever I was with him. I was able to talk to him, laugh around him and everything. But now, whenever I see him, I just feel like...running away."

Simon nodded slowly, then he looked at me. "But how do you think Alvin feels?"

I closed my eyes, trying so hard not to think about the way I hurt him. I never intended to get him so worried because I didn't think he would care. But now, learning that he did care, and that it was all my fault, it killed me. I felt so mad at myself, wanting to know that none of this was my fault. And I wanted to tell myself that this is all because of Alvin, but I can't. That's why I was so furious at myself - because I was putting all the blame on myself.

"I-I don't know." I said.

"Do you think, that whenever Alvin tries to talk to you, he doesn't feel the same?" Asked Simon.

I gulped. Everyday up until the day that I told Alvin I loved him, he's been asking why I haven't been acting like myself. And that's when it hit me - that Alvin is feeling way worse than how I am right now. He's been trying to figure out what's wrong with me for the past few months, and I know it's been driving him insane. But me? I've only felt like this for a few short weeks.

I thought I couldn't feel any more hurt and guilty at the moment. But I was wrong.

When I didn't answer, Simon continued. "Ever since that day, on your birthday when you told Alvin, Theodore and I could sense that something was bothering him. We could tell that he was frustrated, confused."

I didn't want to hear about how Alvin felt ever since the first time I told him I loved him. I didn't want to hear it at all, because it made my heart clench. I sighed and looked down at the tiled floor. "Of course he is." I whispered. "Me of all people, told him that I loved him. Of course he's frustrated."

From the corner of my eye, I saw Simon shake his head. "No, it's not that." He said.

I stared up at him. "Yes it is. What else could explain the fact to why he's so-"

"Wouldn't _you_ feel frustrated if you thought you had just lost your best friend?" Asked Simon, cutting me off.

I closed my mouth shut. I stayed frozen for a long time, biting my lip to prevent tears from spilling, and showing how much I still cared about Alvin.

Simon sighed quietly. "Alvin feels that way because he thought he had just lost you - his best friend, the girl who he trusts the most. And that day, when you ran out the door, that was the beginning where Alvin started to blame himself."

I closed my eyes. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I felt sick to my stomach, and I wanted to release tears. I didn't care about anything anymore. I just wanted to cry, and let all of my feelings out. No matter how many times I've cried in the past, I was still feeling insecure. I was done with keeping them locked in. But no matter how many times I've tried letting them out, it just wouldn't work. They just seem to find their way back in.

"I-I just wish he knew that it's not." I stuttered in a whisper. "I mean, I try so hard to tell myself that it is his fault, that everything going on between us is his fault, but I just can't. Alvin didn't know I was in love with him. That's why he picked Victoria over me."

"Seeing how you ran away from him like that, and seeing how much you cried because of him, well, Alvin knows that it's his fault. He knows he's the cause of that and it hurts him to see you like that. Alvin would never hurt you, but after you ran away from him, he just started to hate himself." Said Simon.

I shook my head, beginning to hate _myself_. "It's not his fault. He shouldn't get mad at himself."

"But he doesn't know that. Alvin knows he's the reason to why you ran away." Simon said quietly. "And if you don't talk to him soon, then he's just gonna become more and more angry at himself. But he's worried about you. I can't even explain how worried he is, mixed in with his own self hatred."

I closed my eyes, and felt hot tear drops roll down my cheeks. I was so hurt to hear all of this. Alvin was so mad at himself because he finally realized what he has done to me. But I had the nerve to run away, giving him even more reasons to hate me, and himself.

"I don't know if I can talk to him anymore, let alone be near him." I said quietly.

"But you're the only one who can talk to him." Simon said.

I felt heat and anger rise up in me after he said that. "I was the only one who _could _talk to him." I muttered bitterly. "He has Victoria to talk to now."

Simon sighed. "But this is between you and Alvin." He said. "And besides, do you think Victoria knows Alvin as well as you do?"

I froze. I closed my eyes and put my face in my hands as I set my elbows on top of the kitchen table. I could literally hear my heart pound within me. I stayed like this for about 3 seconds before taking a deep breath, and pulling my hands away to look at Simon. "That doesn't mean anything anymore."

"Then-"

"I feel that Alvin and I barely know each other anymore." I whispered. "So how can I talk to him without feeling like I have to walk away?"

"But you're the only one who can tell him whatever you have to say." Said Simon. "Look, I know Alvin seems like he has no feelings sometimes because he's way too 'cool' or whatever, but if you saw him now, you could barely recognize him. Even your sisters say he acts differently."

I shook my head. "I don't care." I lied.

"You have to come back to college and tell him that you're okay. I'm not only doing this for my brother's sake, but your sisters' too." Said Simon.

"I-I-" I stuttered. "No. I can't."

"Brittany, you have to come back." Simon said again.

I looked at him through teary eyes. "For what? To face your brother again? To get hurt by him again?"

"Alvin is extremely hurt. He doesn't seem like himself. He's mad at himself and he hardly says a word to anyone anymore." Said Simon.

"Serves him right." I fired. "He _should_ feel like that, after all he's done to me."

Simon sighed deeply. "But what has he done to you, Britt?"

"I-" But I closed my mouth. What has Alvin done to me? He fell in love with a girl, and not me. But what have I done? I fell in love with him, I made another guy fall in love with me, I found out about Victoria's lie, and I hurt the boy I love by slapping him across the face. Simon was right - Alvin did nothing wrong. It's all me.

"Alvin's my brother. And despite how much I wanna duct tape his mouth shut, he'll always be my brother." He said, looking at me. "Like how you'll always be his best friend."

I felt my heart clench when Simon said that. I shook my head. "No."

"Brittany, you know Alvin more than I do. And that's saying a lot, considering that he's my own brother." Said Simon. "And we know that Alvin can be a pain in the ass at times, but if you saw him now...he's not himself."

I shook my head again, while looking down to the ground. "He thinks it's his fault?"

"Yeah, he does. When Jeanette told us you had disappeared, Alvin himself said that it's all his fault." Said Simon.

I wanted to say that it is Alvin's fault, but I didn't want to make myself feel guiltier than I already am. "I-I can't go back." I whispered. "I don't want to see him."

Simon sighed. "Think about your sisters. I can't even tell you how worried they are. I mean, Eleanor's stuck in the hospital for the next few weeks, and Jeanette's gonna be all alone if you don't come back soon. If you can't do it for yourself or Alvin, then do it for your sisters."

I sighed and looked out the window. It was dark, and it was raining even harder. Over the 15 years of knowing the boys, Simon and I were never really that close. I mean, of course we're friends. It'd be impossible to say that we aren't friends, but we were never close to each other like how I was with Alvin, and like he is with Jeanette. But if there was one thing Simon and I had in common, it's that we both get headaches, get pissed off, get stressed and get incredibly annoyed by Alvin.

But of course, as Simon said himself, I knew Alvin more than anyone else. Alvin has told me things that he's never even told his brothers. And I'm not afraid to admit that I have told Alvin things, my own sisters don't even know. So yes, Alvin and I knew each other like an open book. But now, it was like we had never met. And as much as it hurts, it was true.

I sighed, as I continued to look out the dark window. "I know." I sighed. "I don't want them to get worried, but..." I couldn't carry on with the speaking.

"Your sisters have been crying everyday. Theodore's worried about Eleanor. I mean, she's stuck in the hospital by herself. And then she gets the news that her eldest sister is missing?" Said Simon.

My heart began to pound with guilt.

"And Jeanette. Not only is she worried, but she's lonely. She's scared for you. She cries everyday, everytime I see her. Sometimes in the mornings, I have to convince her to go to class. You know why? Because she's too busy worrying about you. Like last week, she didn't even go to class because she was worried." Said Simon and he sighed deeply.

I looked at him, then looked down at the tiled floor. I found it sweet how caring Simon and Theodore were with my sisters. But it kills me to know what I'm doing to Eleanor and Jeanette. I was begining to hate myself even more. Because of my feelings, my temper and my stupidity, I ran away from college. And look at what it's done. I didn't even have the heart to think about my sisters.

It was silent between us for a long time before Simon spoke up again. "And that day, when Jeanette told us you hadn't come home for 2 days, we were all worried. The 3 of us were worried too." He said, referring to himself and his brothers. "But Alvin...he wasn't just worried, Britt. He was angry. He was furious."

I scoffed. "Please." I said hoarsely. "Why the hell would he be angry at me? He doesn't have the right to-"

"No, not at you." Simon said, cutting me off. "He was angry at himself. Like I said, he thinks it's all his fault."

I felt tears forming around my eyes. I couldn't find words to explain my feelings. I didn't feel bad, or guilty or angry at myself. I didn't know what I felt like, but I felt limp and dizzy, like someone had just punched me through my chest.

It wasn't Alvin fault. Okay, it felt somewhat good to know he was mad at himself because he was stupid for falling in love with Victoria, but that doesn't change anything. He still loves her. But all the pain I imagined Alvin was feeling, was going into me, as if I could feel it. The memory of what happened to us 2 weeks ago was like a cut from a piece of glass - it hurts, and it's gonna take a while before it heals. But I felt all the pain because I knew that most of Alvin's guilt was caused by me. Yeah, we may have yelled at each other, but just when he was about to tell me the thing I wanted to hear in a long time...I slapped him across the face.

I shook my head, feeling myself surrender and getting weak. "Alvin _should_ be mad at me." I cried. "He _should_ be angry."

"Brittany, you know Alvin would never get mad at you, despite what the problem is." Said Simon. "I know my brother. And I know that you know him too, so you should know that he never gets mad at people like you - especially you."

My heart twisted. That's what my sisters said to me a few weeks ago. Alvin never has the guts to get mad at me. At first, I thought it was because he knows that I could win over him in the situation, and at other times, I thought he was just doing that to be nice. But now, I can't help but wonder if he's doing that, because he loved me...

_Loved_. Not loves, but loved.

And because of me, he will never have the heart to love me. And after these 2 weeks of getting my head together, I understand if he doesn't want to talk to me ever again. But in a way, I wanted him again. I wanted him to change his mind, saying that he didn't mean to choose Victoria again, and that this time, he'll pick me.

I gulped, and looked at Simon. "Simon?" I asked quietly.

"Yeah?" He answered.

I took a deep breath. "Remember that day, 2 weeks ago, when you guys came to visit Eleanor at the hospital? And I left the room for a while?"

He nodded.

"Well, Alvin followed me outside." I said.

He nodded again and sighed. "We know." He said. "He asked if he could be excused because he wanted to talk to you. Theodore, Eleanor, Jeanette and I just kinda looked at each other, knowing that we couldn't stop him. But he walked out of the room before any of us could say anything. But Jeanette said that we should let him talk to you, after all that's happening to you two."

I gulped. After walking out of that room, that was the last time I saw my sisters, Theodore and Simon, besides now of course. But that was also the time when Alvin and I talked to each other, in the pouring rain, when he confessed that he did in fact love me, but because of our rivalry relationhip, he never got the nerve to tell me. And in the end, he fell in love with Victoria.

And that was when I slapped him across the face, and when I ran away from him - wanting to run away from him for good.

"D-Did Alvin tell you what happened?" I asked, hearing my voice break.

Simon just shook his head. "No." He said.

I tried opening my mouth, wanting to tell Simon what happened, but instead of words, came tears. I sat there, sobbing quietly into my hands.

Simon said, "Brittany, you don't have to tell me anything. I'm just here to help because Theodore and I are worried about Alvin, and your sisters, and you too. But we know that whatever is happening, it's only between you and Al-"

"I slapped his across the face!" I cried.

Simon said nothing for about 10 seconds. "What?"

I pulled my hands away from my face, and looked at Simon. "I slapped Alvin across the face." I whispered tearfully. "But I-I didn't mean it. I didn't even know what I was doing!"

"Wow." Simon said quietly after a moment of silence. Then he arched his eyesbrows and looked at me in the eyes. "Why?"

My heart beat was racing, and my breathing was short and quick. I shook my head. "When Alvin and I were talking outside the hospital, we...we confessed a lot of things to each other." I whispered, then paused. Simon waited for me to continue, but I was having a hard time talking, or doing anything. I closed my eyes for a bit before looking back at Simon. "Alvin told me he loved me."

But when I said those words, the insides of my body broke and shattered into a million pieces.

Simon raised his eyebrows. He looked surprised. "He did?" He asked, and I nodded. "Then...But I thought..."

I shook my head. "He told me he loved me before he met Victoria." I said, wanting to dig my nails into my palm when I said her name.

"He did? He said that to your face?" He asked, clearly surprised. Then he shook his head. "Well, that's Alvin for you. Always inconsiderate."

I closed my eyes, afraid that I would shed tears again. I stayed silent for a few seconds. "Simon, let me ask you this. After 15 years of this rivalry between me and Alvin, would you take it seriously if we were together?"

Simon froze. I waited for him to say something, but when he didn't say a word after a few seconds, I nodded my head. Of course he didn't. No one would, after all. No one would take us seriously.

"That's what Alvin said to me." I said quietly. "He said he never told me he loved me because of this best friend, best enemy relationship we have."

Simon sighed, but remained silent, knowing he couldn't add to what I just said. Growing up, Alvin and I have given our siblings massive headaches with all of our fighting. But over the years, the 4 of them got used to it. But I have never thought that this would be the result of our rivalry. Because we were best friends all these years, Alvin and I never had the chance to say 'I love you' to each other at the right time.

"And that's why you slapped him?" Asked Simon.

I looked down at my lap. I looked at my fingers, and I realized that they were trembling. "I thought we had the chance. I mean, when he told me he loved me, I actually thought we had the chance to finally be together. But now, I feel so stupid."

Simon said nothing, and just continued to listen to me. I looked at the clock on the wall. It was now 11:30PM.

"I asked him to tell me that he loves me." I whispered, then shook my head. "I wanted to hear him say it to me, so I could believe him. But no. He loves Victoria. He said it to my face again. He loves her." I was beginning to feel heat rise up in my cheeks.

Simon sighed, but remained silent.

"And that's what set me off. After all those weeks of knowing how I felt about him, he has the guts to say that to my face once more?" I exclaimed.

Simon looked at me. "Brittany, you know how Alvin can be sometimes, right? Look, I understand that what my brother did to you hurt you, but-"

"But nothing, Simon." I said. Then I looked away. "It's not Alvin's fault though. He didn't know anything, and he didn't do anything. It's all because of me. I don't blame him if he's mad at me or whatever. And I hate myself for doing this to Alvin. I hate it when I know he's hurt." I took a deep breath. "But in a way, he deserves it. He deserves it because he chose Victoria."

Again, it was good talking to someone about this. But I knew that no one could ever measure up to Miss Miller. I had only spoken to my mother twice ever since I last saw her in September before her death. Miss Miller was the best person, and the only person I could talk to about this. But talking to Simon made me feel a bit better. I mean, he's the second person, next to me, who knows Alvin as well as I do. And even though Simon and I weren't exactly as close to each other, he was still my friend. I've known him for 15 years, and I knew I could talk to him. And besides, he's the only person I could talk to at the moment.

"After you slapped him, what happened?" Asked Simon.

I sighed and bit my lip, feeling the pain I had felt when I realized I struck Alvin across the face. "He was mad." I said slowly and quietly. "Mad at me, I'm sure. I still can't believe I did that to him. I would never hurt him physically, so I don't know why I did that." I sighed deeply. "I was just so mad at what he said to me."

"What did he say?" Simon asked quietly.

I bit my bottom lip and looked away. Tears rose up around my eyes quickly, and fell. "He told me that he was about to tell me he loved me." I whispered weakly, hearing my voice break as I spoke. "He was gonna tell me he loved me. He was about to break up with Victoria, just to be with me. But I slapped him right before he got the chance."

Even though I wasn't looking at him, I could tell that Simon was shocked.

"We were so close." I whispered, and more tears fell out of my eyes. "But I was just so hurt, and so fed up. And it's my fault to why he didn't tell me."

And it was quiet between us once more, until Simon spoke up. "If Alvin was willing to leave Victoria for you, then he probably still feels something for you."

I shook my head. "After what I did?" I whispered. "Not anymore. I'll understand if he wants to talk to me. But I'll also understand if he won't ever feel anything for me again."

"Then you should talk to him." Said Simon. "You never know until you try."

I shook my head weakly. "I can't." I said. "I-I'm just so...afraid to see him again."

"Brittany, take this from a guy who has spent 15 years living through yours and Alvin's arguements." Said Simon. "You're stronger than Alvin. Ask anyone. So why are you afraid?"

I gulped quietly. "I'm afraid of what he'll say to me."

"What's the worse he can say? Because I doubt he'll try and say anything that'll hurt you again." Said Simon.

I looked down at my lap. I couldn't bring myself up to say it, but I just had to let it out. "I'm don't want him to say that he loves Victoria. He's said that to me twice already. I don't want to hear it again." I whispered.

"He's not gonna say that to you." Said Simon. "He's afraid to hurt you again."

"If he says it or not, what difference will it make, Simon?" I exclaimed. "He still loves her!"

Simon said nothing.

I looked back down to the ground. My lips were trembling, and my cheeks felt like they were flushed red. "Does he love her?"

"What?" Simon asked quietly.

"Does Alvin love her, like he says he does?" I whispered. "When you see your brother with Victoria, does it look like he loves her?"

"I...I don't..." But Simon sighed. He inhaled deeply and looked at me. "Yes, h-he does, but Br-"

I didn't have to hear anymore. It was as if my heart twisted, and shrunk when Simon told me the answer to my question. "Then what's the point of going back and talking to him?" I fired weakly.

"He's worried sick about you, Brittany." Simon said, for the millionth time tonight. "Fine. I understand if you don't want to face him again, regarding whatever happened between you two, 2 weeks ago. But Alvin needs to know you're safe. I can't even express how bad my brother feels about this."

I looked away once more. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what choice to make. Should I continue to stay here at home, leaving my sisters worried sick about me - leaving Alvin worried about me? Or should I do the right thing by returning to college, and letting everyone know I was...safe? Fine? Okay? My head was telling me to stay here at home, to continue being isolated from the world, and away from my friends and family. But my heart was overpowering, and it was telling me something more...

I sighed. "F-Fine." I whispered.

"Fine? Fine what?" He asked.

I looked up at Simon. "I'll go back." I whispered, unable to believe that I had surrendered.

"You will?" Asked Simon, and I nodded.

"As much as I hate myself for doing so, I can't stand the fact that he's mad at me because he's worried." I whispered.

Simon nodded, and sighed. He could tell that I was uncomfortable with talking about this, so after a few seconds, he looked at his cell phone screen and said, "Well, it's almost midnight, and if we wanna get back in time for class, we should get going now."

I nodded weakly and got up. My legs felt like jelly, as if I was going to topple over any second. "I'll just get my suitcases." I said quietly. "Just give me a minute."

Simon nodded, and I made my way to my bedroom to get all my stuff. I tried so hard not to think about what'll happen when Alvin and I see each other again. But it was impossible not to think about it because that was the whole reason behind this thing. I was pretty sure he was going to be mad at me, and I didn't know what he'll say to me. Do I even have the guts to look at him in the face, after he told me he loves Victoria again? And does he have the guts to look at me in the face, after I had hit him across the face?

I sighed and bit my trembling lip to fight back tears. I knew I was doing the right thing, but for the first time, I could truly say that I was scared, and I was afraid to see Alvin Seville.

* * *

**Yay, Simon convinced her to go back :P So what's gonna happen when Brittany and Alvin see each other again?**

**And I know school is starting (Or has already started) for many of us. Like me, school is starting for me, so updating may take longer than usual now :(**

**But I hope you enjoyed the chapter! PLEASE review! Thank you!**


	29. Because of you

"Brittany, are you done?" I heard Simon's voice call for me from the kitchen.

I zipped up my final suitcase, stood up off the ground, looked around my room one last time, and sighed. "Yeah. I'll be there." I called back quietly, yet loud enough so Simon could hear.

My eyes scanned around my bedroom. I knew it wasn't the last time I would see my bedroom, but until the end of June, I wasn't returning home. And these past 2 weeks have been good to me. Staying here at home, alone, with all the space in the world to think and talk about anything felt good. It was a relief. But now, I had to go back. It was a bit hard to say goodbye to my house, because I'm not sure if I could get use to being back at college until after a while, but in a way, it felt good. I had 2 whole weeks to get myself together. I was hoping it made me change, I was hoping I was a stronger girl.

But deep inside, I could feel my weak and insecure self beginning to come out again.

I pulled my suitcases and bags together, and rolled them out of my bedroom. I closed my bedroom door behind me, decended down the stairs, and met Simon at the front door.

"Let me help you with that." He said, taking a suitcase from me, then opening the front door.

"Thanks." I said. "Um, can you give me a minute? I just need to clean the place up."

He nodded. "Sure." He said, as he went outside to his car.

Since I had no idea I would be returning to college tonight, I didn't have time to clean up the house, or do the dishes or anything. So I spent the next 20 minutes or so, trying to wash up all the plates and cups I left in the sink, and fixed the living room up and everything, trying to make the house look decent for when my sisters and I return in June.

When I was done, I walked out through the door. The rain let up a little bit, but it was still pouring slightly. Simon helped put all my suitcases in the trunk of the car, while I stood on the house's porch. I stared at the inside of my house for the longest time. I sighed to myself, and finally, I locked the door behind me. It felt bittersweet. I was sad to leave the house, but I wanted, and needed to see my sisters again.

Simon was waiting for me in the car. I got into the passenger seat beside him. He started up the car, and when I saw the time on the radio screen, it read 1:10AM.

Simon looked over at me for a short second, then said, "Brittany, you're doing the right thing."

I sighed quietly to myself. "I know." I said softly. "But I'm just so scared to see Alvin. I don't know what he's gonna do to me once he sees me."

"He won't do anything." Simon said sincerely. "But he just needs to see you, to know you're safe."

I looked out the dark window, watching the raindrops roll down the car window. "He's gonna be so mad." I whispered.

"He's gonna be more relieved than mad." Simon said. "The moment we found out you were gone, it was as if Alvin turned against himself. Like, he made a new enemy with himself."

Again, it hurt me to know that Alvin was doing this to himself because he was worried. But another part of me felt good about it, because I knew he deserved feeling that way. He deserved it because of what he said to me. That day, 2 weeks ago, when we were in front of the hospital, had never left my mind. It replayed itself like a broken record. I couldn't stand it anymore.

"Eleanor and Jeanette are gonna hate me." I sighed.

"But at least you're okay. That's the only thing that matters to them." He said, then he paused. "You'll just need a lot of explaining to do."

Guilt swam through me. I looked away from the window, and down to my lap. "How are they?"

"Your sisters?" He asked.

"Yeah." I said. "I mean, besides the fact that they're worried about me." I felt even more guilt rise within me as I said it.

"Well, Jeanette's doing fine. She's been studying really hard for a test this past week." Said Simon.

I smiled slightly. "Shocker." I muttered. "How about Eleanor?"

Simon paused for a moment. "I guess she's doing okay, too. We don't see her everyday like Jeanette does, but whenever we do visit her, she seems fine. She's always complaining that she's bored and that she wants to go back as soon as possible though."

"Does Jeanette still bring her homework?" I asked.

He nodded. "Yeah, she does. Theodore brings by her homework sometimes too."

"Do you know how long it'll be before she gets let out of the hospital?" I asked.

Simon shook his head. "No, but I'm pretty sure they'll let her out soon. I mean, it's been 3 weeks already."

"Yeah." I sighed, remembering the night when Jeanette and I found Eleanor on the floor, unconscious and unbreathing.

Simon and I stayed silent for the rest of the car ride. I just stared out the window the whole time, watching the raindrops fade, and watching the air around us get all cold and misty. The sky was getting a tad bit lighter. It was now a dark royal blue colour, and the moon was beginning to dip down beyond the horizon. By the time my eyes felt like they were about to flutter shut, the car came to a halt.

"We're here." Said Simon.

I blinked multiple times, trying to get rid of the sleepy feeling. I looked around and saw the campus building and the large green grassed field. We were back. We were now back in college. _I _was back.

"Oh." I said. "What time is it?"

"5:30 in the morning." Answered Simon, as he went around the back to get my luggage. Once he got all my bags, we walked back into the building, into the dorm section, and up the stairs to the floor where both of our dorms were. To be honest, it felt weird to be back. Even though I was only gone for 2 weeks, it felt like a lifetime.

As we walked through the hallways, I noticed that people were walking in and out of the dorms, like they had somewhere to go. I was a bit confused at first, until I asked Simon.

"Um, where are all of these people going?" I asked.

Simon looked at me weirdly. "To class. Where else would they be going?"

"Class?" I asked. "But why so early? It's not even 6AM!"

"People always have classes at 6, Brittany." Said Simon. "It's all part of college, don't you remember?"

"But why today? Isn't today Sunday?" I asked.

"Monday." He corrected, then laughed a bit. "Wow, 2 weeks without college has left you confused."

I rolled my eyes, hiding the embarrassment of my stupidity. "Ha ha."

Minutes later, we got to my dorm. I felt my heart pump. Inside, I didn't know if I was exploding with excitement to see Jeanette, or exploding with guilt and nervousness. I didn't know how to start explaining. I knew they were mad at me, so I didn't know what to do with myself. Simon and I stood outside the door for a few seconds, as if we were waiting for the door to just magically open. Then I remembered that I had the key.

I sighed. "Jeanette's gonna give me a long lecture, I bet." I muttered.

"Shoot. Oh yeah, about that..." Simon began. "Remember how I told you that Jeanette was studying for a big test?"

I nodded.

"Um, her class went to San Diego for that because they had this orientation they had to attend." Simon said nervously.

I glared at him. "And you're telling me this NOW?"

Simon looked guilty. "Sorry. I was about to tell you earlier, but I forgot!"

I groaned. "When did they leave?"

"Um, a few days ago. Last Friday, actually. I think she's coming back today." He answered.

I felt a bit better. At least I didn't have to wait long before I saw one of my sisters again. "Do you know what time she'll be back?"

He shook his head. "Sometime in the afternoon, I guess. San Diego's only a 2 hour drive away from here anyway."

I sighed. "Okay then." I said, then I looked at my suitcases, then at Simon. It still felt weird to be back. "Well, I guess I should go now. You should get going too. I mean, you have your class to go to, right?"

"Yeah, but what about you? Aren't you going to class?" Simon asked.

I shook my head. "I think I'll skip today. I still need to find an excuse to why I was gone for 2 whole weeks." I said, frowning slightly.

"Well, okay." Said Simon.

I nodded my head, then sighed. "Thanks, Simon. For everything. If it weren't for you, I don't know what I'd do. I'd probably be stuck at home for the next month or whatever. And I'm grateful you found me. So, thanks."

He nodded. "Of course. It's just, I'm worried about my brother, and your sisters. Especially Alvin, so you have to talk to him soon."

I knew I couldn't make a promise out of that, but I just nodded my head anyway. Even though I knew I had to face Alvin sooner or later, I was still feeling scared to. "Alright."

Simon sighed, then said, "Well, I have to get going now. But Brittany, promise me you won't do anything that stupid ever again. For everyone's sake."

I couldn't help but smile. But I nodded. "Don't worry." I said, and he smiled before turning around to go back toward's his dorm. But that's when I remembered one last thing. "Oh, Simon!" I called.

He turned to look at me. "Yeah?"

I sighed and walked up to him. I looked down at the carpeted floor of the hallway before looking up to meet his eyes. "Promise me you won't tell Alvin about any of this."

Simon raised his eyebrows. "Of what?"

I sighed. "Of everything. Please don't tell him where you found me. I mean, in the middle of the streets? He is going to kill me." I groaned. "And don't tell him where I've been in the past 2 weeks. Don't even tell him I'm back! Just don't tell him anything. I don't want to give him more reasons to be mad at me. One reason is good enough, he doesn't need to know more." I pleaded.

Simon looked away, and didn't say anything for a while. "Brittany, he has to know this stuff though."

"No!" I exclaimed in a whisper. "God, Simon, please don't say anything to him."

"I..." He sighed and nodded. "Okay, fine. I won't."

"Thank you." I sighed.

Simon nodded again, before walking back around and into his dorm, while I did the same to my dorm. I dragged my suitcases inside, and scanned the room. I felt reality hit me - I was finally back. Even though I knew they weren't there, I looked inside my sisters' room, and expected to see that they weren't there. And of course, they weren't. It made me miss them even more though.

Then, I made my way into my room - Mine and Victoria's room. I was confident that Victoria wasn't in there because her classes always started really early, and she usually took off before me and my sisters did. Ever since I left, I hadn't really thought of Victoria and how she would react when she had found out I had disappeared. I was guessing she was glad I was gone. But I was also hoping Victoria knew the reason to why I ran away. I bet she asked Alvin about that, but I doubt Alvin told her.

I swung the door open, and felt myself go into relief mode when I saw the 2 empty beds, meaning that Victoria was gone, and was already out to her class. I sighed as I walked inside. I sat down on my empty bed and looked around. I knew I had to start putting my stuff back into my closet and drawers, but I was feeling lazy at the moment. I hadn't got a single ounce of sleep ever since I woke up yesterday morning. I was beginning to feel like a zombie due to my lack of sleep.

I looked at the clock. It was now 5:55AM. I knew I would be alone here until later in the afternoon when Jeanette and Victoria came back. But my mind was drifting off to somewhere else. Where was Alvin? What is he doing now? Is he still worrying about me? Is he mad at me? And will he find out that I'm back?

No. He can't. Simon promised me he wouldn't tell Alvin that I returned. Simon promised he wouldn't say anything! But can I trust him? I mean, I _will_ go up to Alvin myself, and tell him I'm back. I promised myself that I _will_ go up and talk to Alvin. But right now, I just have to trust Simon that he'll keep his word, and that Alvin won't find out about anything.

I decided to let that go for the time being. And before I knew it, I felt my head hit the matress of my bed, and I closed my eyes shut...

I suddenly heard pounding coming from the front door. It was so loud that I could hear it through the bedroom door. I opened my eyes, and found myself lying on my side, on the bed.

"What the-" I said, reaching for my phone. I looked at the time. It was 2:45PM. Did I fall asleep?

I heard the knocking on the door again. I groaned as I got up. I walked out the bedroom door, and walked towards the front door. I was still extremely tired to even move. I dragged my feet along the carpet until my fingers touched the door knob, and once I did, I twisted it open and swung it ajar. I looked up to look at the _idiot_ who was ready to pound the front door down, but once I looked at his face, I felt my entire body turn to ice.

Alvin Seville stood there. I wanted to shut the door in his face, but I just couldn't move. Once our eyes met, he glared at me for the longest seconds of my life.

"Where the hell have you been?" He said finally, saying each word with meaning. I couldn't understand the tone of his voice; I wasn't sure if it was threatening, or if it was full of relief. But it sounded like a mixture of both.

I didn't answer. I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. Hell, I didn't know if I could breathe. I felt shivers run down my body where I heard the menacing ring in his voice.

He moved past me without saying anything, walking into my dorm without asking. I just stood there, at the door, my back facing him, still looking out past the front door, as if someone was still there.

"Brittany." He said. And once he said my name, I turned around as if it was some sort of command. Our eyes met once more, but Alvin's eyes were piercing. "Why?"

I just stood there.

"Why did you do that?" He asked.

Again, I remained silent.

"I can't believe you. What the hell is wrong with you?" He exclaimed angrily.

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out at first. I took a deep breath and looked at him, feeling my heart jump as I did so. "Get the hell out of my dorm room."

Alvin stared at me, dumbfoundedly. He didn't say anything for a long time. "Are you f-cking serious?" He asked.

"Get out." I said again.

"I'll get out, after you tell me what's been going on." He said.

I said nothing. We both stood in the middle of the living room, staring at each other's face as if trying to read a book. There was pure silence between us for a long minute. I could feel my heartbeat pound, with each slow second that ticked by.

"I don't need to tell you anything." I whispered finally, glaring into his eyes.

"Fine." He said, leaning back and crossing his arms over his chest. "You're right. You don't need to tell me anything."

I just looked at him, feeling confused. But I tried not to show it.

Alvin didn't stop glaring at me. "You don't need to tell me anything, because Simon told me _everything_."

My heart automatically pounded with rage. "Simon?" I muttered outloud without knowing. "God, I'm going to kill him."

"You better be damn grateful that he told me, Brittany." Alvin fired. "You're damn lucky that he told me, because if I found out by myself, then things would not be pretty. I'm not even kidding. Do you know how pissed off I am at you right now?"

"What gives you the right to be pissed off at me?" I fired.

"I have every right in the world to be mad at you right now." He answered back.

"Fine. You wanna fight? You wanna yell at me? Go right ahead." I threatened.

Alvin shook his head as he looked at me in disbelief. "I still can't believe you. I mean, are you insane? What the hell is going through that head of yours?"

"Stop it." I told him.

"You have the guts to run away back home? And without telling anyone?" Fired Alvin, yelling at me as if there was no tomorrow. "Did you think about your sisters? Did you even stop and think about what would happen to Eleanor and Jeanette if they found out?"

"Yell at me one more time, and I'm pushing you outside." I threatened, raising my voice.

"Did Simon tell you how much shit you put me through ever since you disappeared?" He yelled, ignoring me.

I shut my mouth at once, and stared at him. His voice continued to ring in my ears. I gulped and looked him in the eyes. "Why should you care?" I asked him, quietly but menacingly.

Alvin looked at me and shook his head. "Why should I care?" He asked in disbelief. "Are you seriously asking me that?"

"Just get out of here." I exclaimed.

"Give me one good reason why." He fought back.

My heartbeats began to increase with speed and heat. "Because you made it quite clear that you don't give a shit about ME!" I said, beginning to scream at him.

"Then why have I been worrying my ass off, wondering where the hell you could have possibly gone to?" He fired, staring into my face.

"Because you know that I ran away BECAUSE OF YOU!" I screamed. "You were worried because you knew it was all because of you. You were guilty. You felt bad for _YOURSELF_. You didn't care if I was gone!"

"You've got to be kidding me." Alvin said, shaking his head.

I continued to ramble on. "I needed to get away from you. After what happened to us at the hospital, I couldn't bare another second of being near you. You've hurt me again! I couldn't look at you in the face anymore. I couldn't stand another second of you. I'm sick of being hurt. I'm sick of hearing things I don't want to hear. So that's why I ran away - to get away from you!"

Alvin opened his mouth to say something, then shut it one second later. His eyes became soft, and when I looked into his golden pupils, I saw a bit of sorrow and sadness - something I have never seen in Alvin before. "I was worried, Brittany."

I wanted to yell at him, but after seeing how pityful he looked, I didn't have the heart to bring myself up to do so. I wanted to run away from him and cry, but I needed to show him that I wasn't weak anymore, despite how hard I was pulling myself back on the inside.

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

"No." I said automatically, avoiding his gaze. "It's not..." But I couldn't bring myself up to say that it's not his fault because in a way, it kind of was. He was the reason to why I ran away.

"Brittany, I know what I did...hurt you, but..." He shook his head. "But if I knew you were going to run away, then I would have never done that."

"But what difference would it make, Alvin?" I said, feeling my heart shatter when I said his name. "You still chose her."

"Don't bring Victoria up in this, please." Alvn whispered. "I don't want us to fight again."

I looked up at him. I bit my lip to fight back tears. "Then why do you love her?"

"Don't do this, Brittany. I don't want to go through this again." He inhaled deeply. "Because the last time we did, you ran away. And one time's enough."

I just shook my head, confused with everything right now.

"I'm sorry." He said once more. "I know why you ran away. You ran away because of me, but Brittany-"

"But nothing." I fired weakly. "What's done is done. Everything that happened at the hospital 2 weeks ago, whatever. You told me everything you had to say. And I get it. It'll always be Victoria. And it's good to know that you think it's your fault because it is." I said. I didn't mean to make it sound so harsh, but the heat was building up inside of me, I just had to let it out.

Alvin gulped. "I'm not gonna deny that it isn't my fault, because I know it is. But Britt, do you know how worried I was about you?"

I turned away from him. I couldn't find the strength to yell at him, or argue back. I felt myself go weak. "Simon told me." I whispered.

"Then he must of told you that I've been worrying about you, the moment we found out you were gone." He said. "I've been so hard on myself ever since Jeanette told us you were gone."

"I know." I answer simply and plainly, but quietly. "You deserve it."

Alvin sighed deeply. "Okay, fine. But do you really think that I was worried about you, because I felt bad for _myself_? Do you really think that, Brittany?"

I said nothing. I knew he was right - that he was worried about me, because he really _was_ worried about me.

"Because the only thing I wanted to do was to know where you were. I didn't care about myself." Alvin said. "But running away? Come on, Brittany. Is that really the answer to everything?"

I looked up at him, feeling fire burn within me. "Don't tell me it was a stupid choice because it wasn't. I'm glad I ran away. At least I spent 2 whole weeks without talking to a single person. I spent 2 weeks alone, by myself."

"And you think that's gonna make you feel better?" Asked Alvin.

"THEN WHAT IS?" I yelled. "DO _YOU_ KNOW WHAT'S GONNA MAKE ME FEEL BETTER? NO! I DON'T THINK YOU DO!"

Alvin sighed. "Brittany-"

"If you think you know me that well, then guess again." I said.

Alvin sighed and looked at me. "I'm not afraid to go against my ego and say that I was worried sick, because I was." Alvin said. "To know how much I hurt you, and to know that you had disappeared for 2 whole weeks without telling anyone, I...I couldn't stand knowing that it was all my fault."

I said nothing.

"If something had happened to you, if you got hurt, or injured or sick..." Alvin took a deep breath. "I don't know what I'd do."

I gulped. My mind darted back to last night, where I almost got kidnapped and raped by that pervert. I bit my lips to prevent tears, but it didn't work. The memory of the guy staring at me, the way he screamed after me, the sound of his footsteps following me, the way his hands got a grab of me, and how he began to touch me - it was like a nightmare coming back to me, as if it was happening all over again.

I felt tears slowly fall down my face. This is what I wanted to avoid. I didn't want to cry, but the memory of last night got the best of me. "It's all because of you." I fired weakly.

Alvin looked at me. "What do you-"

"If you would have told me you loved me, like you _know_ you do..." I took a deep breath. "It wouldn't have happened."

"What wouldn't have happened?" Asked Alvin. "What are you talking about?"

I looked at him, hard in the face. "Because of you, I almost got raped."

* * *

**Wow, way to make Alvin feel even more crappy about himself :/ But do you guys think he deserves it?**

**And how will Alvin react to what Brittany just said? What will he say? And what about Jeanette and Eleanor? What will they say when they see Brittany again?**

**Hope you liked the chapter! ****Thanks for reading everyone!**

**And PLEASE review! Reading reviews make me HAPPY :D**


	30. So close

Silence fell upon us so quickly, it almost seemed inhumane. The eeriness, the stilness, the quietness and the tension grew more intense and uncomforatble as the seconds ticked by. I tried so hard to look away from Alvin, but my eyes just couldn't leave his face. And in that moment, seeing the reaction Alvin had on his face after hearing what I just said, tore me apart. And now I wished I kept my mouth shut.

"_What_?" He exclaimed in disbelief, as if I just spoke another language.

"I-I-I..." I tried opening my mouth to talk, but I just kept on stuttering. Something inside of me was holding me back, like I was afraid to say something in front of him.

"Are you...are you serious?" He asked.

I remained quiet.

When I didn't respond after a few seconds, he sighed out loud. "Brittany." He said my name, with a tone of disbelief and frustration. He took a deep breath, and stared at me in the face.

I stared into his eyes, and felt my heart squeeze. I wanted to avoid fighting with him, but it seemed pretty impossible to get out of that. I inhaled and exhaled deeply, keeping my mouth shut in case I said something that I may regret later on. My legs felt limp and weak, but I couldn't move. I was frozen, like a statue.

"Don't make me ask you again, Brittany." He said, his voice now a menacing whisper.

I shut my eyes for about 2 seconds before looking back into his face. I wasn't about to give into him. "Are you trying to threaten me?" I fired weakly. "Because-"

He cut me off instantly. "What do you mean you ALMOST GOT RAPED?" He yelled.

I felt my heart drop to the ground. I bit my lip to prevent tears. The sound of Alvin's voice yelling at me continued to ring in my ears. I felt so lightheaded, and now, with the feeling that I may burst into tears again, I gulped, now feeling scared. Yes, scared of him. I knew Alvin would never hurt me, but I was feeling afraid around him, like I couldn't move or speak wthout feeling the need to jump with fright.

But as of now, I was weak. I was crying yet again, and all I wanted to do was to run away from Alvin's sight, wipe all these pathetic tears away, and tell myself to get a goddamn grip. But I surrendered to myself faster than I had wanted.

"Brittany." He sighed, lowering his voice. He took a few steps towards me, and rubbed the back of his neck. "Britt, I didn't mean to yell. It's-"

I shook my head, and wiped all the tears away. I looked at him hard in then face. "You want to hear the truth?" I fired in a whisper. "Do you want to know what really happened?"

Alvin stood there, and I could tell that he was afraid to say yes. I knew he wanted to know, but again, he was scared to hear it. I just knew him that well to know.

When he didn't answer, I looked down to the carpet. "I...I almost got raped." I whispered, feeling my heart twist once I said it. Then I looked up to stare back in his face. "Now you've heard what you wanted to hear. Now please, Alvin. Just go."

Alvin looked at me and shook his head. "I'm not leaving without a talk."

I looked at him through thick tears. "Another talk?" I asked in disbelief. "For what? Because everytime we have a talk, it always ends up the same. We end up yelling at each other, and-"

"Then let's not yell at each other this time." He said softly. "I promise I'll just listen to whatever you have to say."

I looked away. "You can't promise that."

"Brittany, this is different." Alvin said. "I just want to know why you ran away, why you almost got raped." He sighed deeply. "Please."

"You already know why I ran away." I said bitterly.

Alvin sighed. "I want to talk about that too."

I shook my head. "No. I mean, what's the use?" I sighed and looked at him. "You got what you want. I'm back, okay? Now, you're making this hard for the both of us by still being here. So leave, please."

"I just don't get why you're asking me to leave." He fired. "Because this only isn't about you, it's about me too."

I froze and shut my mouth. I felt his eyes dart into mine, and I just had to look away. I felt so pathetic for crying, but the memory of last night got the best of me. I wanted to feel safe. I wanted Alvin to make me feel safe. But how can I do that when my own best friend is here, standing in front of me, yelling at me because he was furious? It seemed impossible, it felt impossible. A part of me just wanted to run into his arms and hug him, apologizing to him. But more of me wanted to run over to him, and hit him over and over again.

When I didn't answer, Alvin sighed frustratedly. "Brittany, look at me."

I sighed and raised my head to look at him. He looked mad, and it sucked to know that he was angry because of me.

Once we were face to face, he stared into my eyes. I stared right back into his, and I swear, I felt hundreds upon hundreds of memories of the two of us fly right back into my brain. "Explain to me why you almost got raped."

I closed my eyes. "No." I said. I knew I was being hardheaded, but it wasn't because I didn't want to tell him, but it was because I didn't have the strength to.

"Britt..." He whispered. "Please. I just want to know."

My eyes flew open. "Know what? Because I'm pretty sure Simon told you everything."

Alvin shook his head.

I sighed. "Why can't you just let it go?"

"Why should I let something like this go?" He fired.

"I'm back, and I'm safe. Happy? Isn't that all you wanted to know?" I fought back.

"After what you did to me, you owe me." He said.

"What the hell did I do?" I exclaimed.

"You know damn well what you did." He said bitterly, and I knew he was right. "Who in their right mind would ditch college for 2 weeks to go back home?"

I shook my head in disbelief. "Compared to what you did to me, I-"

"What did I do? Did I run away from college, leaving my friends and family behind worried sick?" He fired. "No, I didn't. You did. So don't tell me that what I did was worse because we both know that you're wrong."

I felt weak. In the years of knowing Alvin, I would always be the one dominating our arguements. But now, seeing how Alvin acted when he was mad, seeing how he yells at me, and knowing how right he is, it just hurts me. He didn't seem like the boy I grew up with, the boy I shared everything with - but he was still the boy I was heart-wrenchingly in love with.

I looked away. "Just promise me you won't get mad." I whispered.

"That's pretty impossible to promise to." He muttered.

I looked at him and shot him a bad look. "What is your problem?"

He shook his head. "Just tell me what it is before I lose my temper, Brittany."

"Why are you so angry?" I fired.

He looked at me. "Why? Well, my best friend suddenly shows up after 2 weeks of disappearance, and now she's telling me that she almost got raped, that's why!"

I felt my whole body flood with guilt. I have never seen Alvin so mad and upset before, and I just hated doing this to him. There was no use of backing out because I knew I couldn't. This is one of the rare situations where I let Alvin win. I sighed deeply. "I'm sorry."

He shook his head. "Britt, I'm not mad at you. I'm just mad at...myself."

I wanted to yell 'Liar', but I knew he was just saying that to get me to say what he wanted to hear. And as mentioned, I couldn't back out. I had to tell him sooner than later, or else he'll never let this go. But I was just so scared to hear what he'll say afterwards. After about a minute, I inhaled deeply and I started to talk.

"I was at the grocery store last night. And there was this man..." I started, taking a pause, trying to replay the events of last night in my brain. "He kept on staring at me, and he was trying to talk to me. I tried my best to ignore him, but he wouldn't leave me alone. But once I got all of my things checked out, I started to notice that he was following me."

I felt Alvin tighten up.

I took another deep breath before continuing. "He began to follow me, he was right behind me, following my every step. And before I knew it, he grabbed me. He threatened to hurt me if I don't keep quiet." I paused for a long time, feeling my stomach turn into knots. "And that's when h-h-he began to t-touch-"

Alvin cut me off by sighing out loud. I looked at his face and saw anger all over it. "Goddamn it, Brittany." He fired.

"But I managed to get away." I said weakly, still trying to sound like I was fighting back. But I knew that being able to escape was no excuse to what happened.

"You're damn lucky you did." He fired. "But what if you didn't? What if my brother hadn't have found you on the streets last night? Where do you think you'd be now, huh?"

I looked at him in disbelief. "Why are you getting mad at me?" I asked, but I knew it was a stupid question.

"Because if you had the brains to stay here in college, and not return back home, that would have never happened to you!" He yelled.

I just stared at him, dumbfoundedly. "You think that it's my fault?" I shook my head. "Do I have to remind you that I ran away because of YOU?"

"But did I tell you to pack your suitcases and leave this f-cking college?" He fought back.

I glared at him. "Listen, Seville. I'm glad I left college for 2 weeks. It-"

"Glad? God, Brittany. You have to be kidding me." He exclaimed. "You almost got hurt, you almost got kidnapped, you almost got raped, and you're telling me that you don't regret leaving college?

"Stop yelling at me." I fired. "You're the one who said that there'll be no-"

"I don't care." He said. "I'll yell at you if I want to, seeing how stupid you were to actually leave this place, and risk your life because you were too afraid to be around me."

I gasped when he said that, feeling hurt at the same time. "AFRAID?" I yelled. "You think I was afraid?"

"Then tell me why you really-"

"BECAUSE I WAS HURT!" I yelled, and silence fell upon Alvin. "I already told you that I ran away to get away from you. Not because I was afraid, because I was hurt. You've hurt me so many times, saying that you love _her_, when you really know that you love me."

Alvin said nothing for the longest time.

I looked away, mentally kicking myself for feeling like I was going to burst into tears in any second. "I just had to get away."

"But do you know what you put me through? What you put your sisters through?" He asked quietly.

I gulped and waited a few seconds before responding. "I'm sorry." I whispered. "It's not like I intended to worry you guys so much. It's just...I didn't have the guts to stay. It was like, I needed to get away for a while."

"I'd rather have you avoid me for a whole month, rather than run away for 2 weeks without telling anyone." He said. "That way, I knew you were safe."

I looked down. "But how could I be near you, after what happened to us?" I whispered. I looked up at him. "I slapped you across the face, remember? How can I face you after what I did?"

Alvin's eyes darted away from mine for a second before returning. "That doesn't matter. It-"

"It does matter." I said. "You know that I would never mean to do that. I'm so sorry."

He nodded. "I know." He said. "I guess I deserved that though."

I shook my head. "No, you don't. Alvin, you know the last thing I would want is for you to get hurt."

Alvin looked away. "And you know I feel the same for you. But Britt, I can't stand knowing the fact that I've hurt you. And especialy after what's happened over the past 2 weeks. I knew it was all my fault, that's why I've been so hard on myself. That's why I'm so mad, because I was worried about you."

I didn't want to hear the word 'Worried' anymore because I felt even worse every time I heard it. I was beginning to regret my decision of going home. After realizing how stupid it was to go home, making everyone wonder where I've gone to, and almost getting raped, I knew I shouldn't have gone home. But the worst reason of it all was having Alvin like this at me - mad, unbelieving, untrusting, furious and _worried_.

"I don't want you to be like this anymore, Britt. We've been through this a million times, but you never seem to get it." He said.

"Get what?" I exclaimed. "To move on?"

We both said nothing for a long time. The fact that Alvin said nothing regarding what I just said, made steam rise up inside of me. Like, he didn't want to say anything, like he was too afraid to defend me. It was as if he was too afraid to admit what was on his mind.

"Alvin, you were the one who said I had to move on because you f-cking love Victoria." I yelled. "And that was me, moving on. So don't f-cking complain that you were goddamn sick and worried about me, because I did what you wanted me to do!"

"You did what I wanted you to do? Are you kidding me, Brittany? Did I tell you to leave? Did I tell you to end up on the streets?" He asked, failing at keeping his voice down.

"AFTER TELLING ME THAT YOU LOVE VICTORIA, THEN IN A WAY, YES!" I screamed.

"Because I didn't want to see you hurt like this anymore!" Yelled Alvin, furiously, but not as deranged as me. "Why can't you just see that I care about you?"

"And why can't you see that I love you?" I yelled.

He sighed and said nothing for a long time. "I know you do."

It hurt to hear him say that. He knows I love him, but he doesn't love me back. But I know that deep inside him, he loves me as much as I love him. "Then why don't you love me?"

"I don't want this to be another repeat of what happened to us 2 weeks ago." He said quietly.

I looked away to the carpet. "Is it too hard for you to admit it?" I asked. "Is it too hard for you to accept the fact that I love you?"

Alvin sighed, but said nothing.

The room suddenly fell silent. It was just me and Alvin, standing here in the middle of the living room, fighting once again - but never in a million years would I have known that Alvin and I would be fighting because of our feelings - my feelings - towards each other.

I shook my head. "Why are you so scared to answer me? Whenever I say something about my feelings towards you, you're always dodging it. Why Alvin?"

Alvin remained frozen.

"It's because you love me, right? You know you do. I know you do." I whispered.

Alvin looked into my eyes. "Brittany, stop it, please."

I closed my eyes, feeling my heart grow weaker. There was no use in getting him to say that he loves me because he just wouldn't, and I don't know why. "Fine." I whispered. "Fine, you made it clear that you don't love me. But the way I feel about you, it'll never change."

Alvin sighed to himself. "And this brings us back to 'moving on'."

I felt my throat tighten up. "Why are you always bringing that up?"

"Because Brittany! How many times do I have to explain it to you? I hate seeing you cry because of how you feel about me. I don't want to see you get hurt again, especially by me." He said.

"But why move on? To who?" I asked, feeling my voice break. "Why should I move on to someone else, because I don't want to be with anyone else but you!"

He shook his head. "I don't know, but-"

"Then why are you telling me to move on?" I yelled.

"Because I want to help you. I don't know what to do to get you to move on!" He fired.

I shook my head, feeling my heart shatter once he said that. I waited about 10 seconds before speaking. "That's just like telling me that we'll never be together."

Alvin said nothing.

I felt tears rise up when he didn't answer. Again, he didn't know what to say. He didn't know how to repsond to what I just said. "Thought so." I whispered thickly.

"Brittany, it's not that, I-"

"No, I understand. You made it quite clear that you don't want to be with me." I shook my head. "Whatever, Alvin. It's fine. But this is why I left in the first place. I'm tired of getting hurt. I'm tired of fighting with you over useless things. After 15 years of fighting with each other over the most pointless things, I'm done."

"I didn't mean that." Alvin said.

"Sure you didn't." I whispered weakly.

"Brittany, I didn't." He said.

"Then what did you mean, then?" I whispered tearfully.

"I-I...I don't know what to do." He said. "I just want you to be happy. I want you to be happy without all of this going on."

"You want me to be happy?" I asked, still through a cracked voice. "Then be with me. Break up with Victoria, and be with me."

Alvin sighed deeply, and said nothing once again.

"Why are you so afraid of breaking up with her?" I asked. "Why are you so afraid of being with me?"

He shook his head. "I'm not afraid." He said.

And right after he said that, I understood everything. It took me a while to replay it over across my mind, but it seemed right. It's not that he can't, or that he wasn't able to break up with Victoria. It's because he doesn't want to. The realization hit me like an earthquake, but the thing that surprised me the most was that it didn't crush my heart like it usually would. I didn't burst into tears. I actually stood ground and continued to look at Alvin.

I nodded. "Right." I whispered. "You love her too much."

"See, this is the problem, Britt. You're hurting yourself by doing this." Said Alvin. "You don't know what you're saying."

"Oh, and you do?" I asked. "I know how much you love Victoria."

"Brittany, just listen to m-"

I shook my head, cutting him off. "No, it's fine. It doesn't matter anyway." I said.

And in a way, it was true. After everything that has happened between me and Alvin, I was beginning to accept the fact that he will never love me, and that we will never be together. One by one, piece by piece, I've been learning to accept it. But like a puzzle, there'll eventually be a piece that's missing. Just like my feelings, if I accepted the fact that he loves Victoria, there'll always be that whole puzzle that will never be filled.

"Britt, please." Said Alvin, walking towards me.

I shook my head once more. "No, Alvin. I'm done. I'm sick of fighting with you." I took a deep breath. "And I'm sorry for everything. Sorry for all the trouble I caused. Sorry for falling in love with you in the first place." I said, and for once, I think I was telling the truth.

"Brittany, please. I...I have to say some-"

I ignored him, and shook my head. "This should have never happened to us." I whispered.

"Brittany." He whispered. "Listen to me."

I shut my mouth and waited for him to say something, but he didn't. Our bodies and faces were so close to each other, that I felt myself go all tense. We stared at each other's faces for the longest time. I could feel the warmth coming off of Alvin's body. It reminded me of 2 weeks ago. The exact same thing happened. Our bodies and faces were near each others, while we stared into each other's face for a long minute. I don't know how long we were staring at each other's faces, but let me tell you, it was long. The way Alvin looked at me, it was like he was trying to read my face, like he was trying to see right through me.

"Alvin, if you have nothing to say, then just go." I whispered.

He continued to look into my eyes. And before I knew it, the space between our faces was getting smaller. Alvin was leaning into me, his face was coming closer to mine by millimeters. I felt my breathing come to a stop, but I didn't back away. I knew what was happening, but I didn't close my eyes. I stared into his gold eyes as he became closer to me. As each second went by, our faces became nearer and nearer to each other, our noses, our lips...

He was about to kiss me.

"Alvin..." I whispered weakly, but I could feel the eagerness rise up within me.

Our lips were coming closer...

But that all stopped when we heard a click coming from the front door.

Alvin and I leaned back into place, staring at each other. My heart was fluttering. I felt anger flood my body, realizing how much space was between us. I suddenly felt the need of his body near me again. I _wanted_ him. But as we stood there, our eyes didn't leave each other's face. I couldn't read Alvin's face. I wasn't sure if he was feeling the same as me. Did he hate the fact that we are now standing slightly farther away from each other than how we were just seconds before? I felt faint. What just happened? What was suppose to happen?

We heard the door swing open, then swing close. Alvin and I broke our gazes from each other at the same time, and turned our head to the door. I felt Alvin freeze, and I felt my body go numb. Victoria stood there, at the door, staring at the two of us in shock, like we were both 2 strangers that she has never met in her life. But I couldn't blame her. Alvin, her boyfriend, was standing ever so close to me, the girl she hated, the girl who confessed her love for her boyfriend, the girl who just wouldn't let go of him.

Alvin took a few steps away from me, and I looked at him in hurt and disbelief. What the hell is he doing? He was the one who was leaning in to kiss me, but now, since his girlfriend is standing there, he steps away from me? I was heartbroken, and hurt, feeling like I had just been used.

"Tori." Said Alvin.

Victoria didn't move. She just looked at us, more directly at me. I could tell she was surprised to see me back, but she didn't say anything about it. I knew she didn't care. But judging her facial expressions, she was furious to see her boyfriend standing so close to me, as if we were about to _kiss_.

Victoria's eyes darted to Alvin, then me, then back to him. "What's going on?"

* * *

**Aww DAMN IT VICTORIA. BECAUSE OF YOU, ALVIN AND BRITTANY DIDN'T KISS OMG. Jeez, sometimes I just wanna bump Alvin and Brittany's heads together. WHEN WILL THEY EVER GET TOGETHER? **

**Well, only _I_ know the answer to that question, and the answer is...well, I can't tell you guys - yet :)**

**Soo, what'll happen between Alvin, Brittany and Victoria?**

**Thanks for reading guys! Hope you liked it and PLEASE PLEASE reivew! Love you all, thank you!**


	31. Liar

Her voice echoed around the house. I gulped silently to myself. I kept looking at her, not daring to make eye contact with Alvin. I still felt anger rise up within me. I couldn't believe what he just did. He was leaning in to kiss me, but now, since Victoria is just a few feet away from us, he leans away from me, as if it wasn't about to happen?

I was hurt.

I didn't know where Alvin's standards were at this moment. I knew he was as shocked as me to see Victoria, but I still didn't get why he tried to kiss me. Not that I didn't want him to, because my heart is still beating from the eagerness from the heat of his body, pressed up against mine. But why did he though? Just minutes ago, we were fighting yet again, but just seconds before this very moment, we were so close...

"Alvin." Victoria said, beginning to walk closer to him. "What's going on?"

Again, Alvin and I said nothing. I could tell that Victoria was furious, seeing me and Alvin standing so close to each other. She knew everything. She knew how close Alvin and I are as friends, she knew that Alvin cares about me as his best friend, and she also knew that I loved Alvin more than words could describe. But I also knew one thing - her secret boyfriend, making her the lying two timer she is.

I've told myself in the past that I can't tell Alvin about Victoria. As much as I needed to, I couldn't. Just thinking about the reason to why I can't tell, hurts. Alvin loves her too much, and it would destroy him if he knew the truth. Even though Alvin has broke my heart a thousand trillion times, I can't do the same to him.

Alvin sighed deeply. I looked at him. He was standing farther apart from me now, as if the kiss was never suppose to happen. "Victoria, there-"

"Why is she here?" She snapped.

I decided to cut in. "I live here, _hon_." I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm.

Victoria's eyes darted to me. She crossed her arms over her chest and said, "Really? Well now that you've mentioned it, there was another girl living here, but she decided to disappear for 2 whole weeks."

"And I bet you just loved that, didn't you?" I said, still making my voice falsely sweet.

"Yeah, I just wish it would have been forever though." Said Victoria, smiling at me coldly.

Why that little...

"Okay, would you guys just cut it out?" Alvin fired.

Victoria and I broke gazes to look at Alvin. He looked annoyed, pissed off and somewhat angry. But my blood began to boil under my skin when Victoria walked over to him and looked at him in the face, standing ever so close to him.

"Alvin, what's going on?" She repeated.

He sighed. "Nothing. I-"

"What are you doing here?" Asked Victoria, referring to our dormroom.

"I needed to talk to Brittany." Alvin answered.

I could imagine the rage and anger rising up within Victoria, but she managed to stay on her toes. She looked at him for a few seconds, then glared at me, then back at him. "But I told you I didn't want you near her."

My mouth dropped open. "Excuse me?" I exclaimed.

Alvin inhaled deeply. "I know, Tori, but I just needed to see her. I needed to know that she was safe."

Victoria shook her head. "Alvin, don't you know that she's doing this just to break us up? Can't you see that?"

"Wait." I said, and I looked at Alvin. "What do you mean she doesn't want you near me?"

Alvin looked back at me. He looked into my eyes for a few seconds. I was even more torn up than I was just seconds ago. But before Alvin could open up his mouth to say something, Victoria cut in again. "I don't want you near my boyfriend. I can see how much you want to take him away from me. But that's not gonna-"

I had enough. "Oh, shut the f-ck up!" I said in disbelief. I looked back at Alvin. "What is she talking about, Alvin?"

This time, he turned to Victoria. "It's something I can't do, Tori. It's not like I can avoid her forever. She's still my best friend." He said, answering me and Victoria at the same time.

"I know she is." Fired Victoria. "But she's pulling you away from me by doing this."

"Excuse me? You think you have the power to control Alvin, telling him to stay away from me?" I asked in disbelief. But on the inside, I was so hurt to hear it.

"Didn't I make myself clear when I said that I don't want you hear him?" Victoria asked.

"You don't get to choose who he can see, and can't see." I fired. "I've known him longer than you, so-"

"And that matters because?" Asked Victoia.

I rolled my eyes, holding myself back. I was so ready to slap this girl. "Quit acting like you're so innocent, because we both know what you're really hiding."

Victoria looked at me through evil eyes, and I knew that she understood what I was talking about. It was hard to believe that I was going against what I said earlier. No, I didn't want Alvin to get hurt by telling him about Victoria, but I had enough of this girl. I was sick of this act that she was putting on. She was acting like some innocent prick, as if she wasn't keeping a secret at all.

"I don't know what you're talking about." She said, then she turned to Alvin. "Alvin, tell her to leave."

"Leave?" I exclaimed. "This is my dormroom, and you're not gonna tell me what to do because I-"

"Britt, stop this." Alvin said quietly.

I looked at him, surprised. "Stop what?" I fired.

He inhaled deeply. He avoided eye contact with me, and I was begninning to wonder why. "Just stop."

I gawked at him for a few seconds before shaking my head in disbelief. "What the hell are you doing? Why are you standing up for her?"

"I'm not standing up for anyone. I just don't want you two to fight." He answered.

Victoria nodded. "I'm not trying to start anything with you, Brittany. I'm-"

"Oh, stop it." I said, rolling my eyes. I looked at Alvin. "Alvin, she's brainwashing you. Why can't you see that?"

Victoria butted in. "Please. Brittany, why can't you just accept the fact that Alvin and I are together? You're the one who told me that he's just your best friend, and that you'll never go out with him! So it's your loss, not mine."

"My loss?" I said with disbelief. "I just said that because I didn't want to hurt him. You think you know Alvin more than I do, but you're wrong. I've known him all my life. The people who know me and Alvin, know that we are nothing but best friends, and that we're unlikley to get together. And because of that reason, that's why we're not together. But I know that I love him. But I was trying to save the both of us by keeping my feelings in for the longest time."

"Then why couldn't you just keep it in longer?" She fired, acid swimming through her voice. "And you just said that you two are unlikely to get together! It came out of your own mouth."

"That's because Alvin and I have known each other all our lives. We know each other more than anyone else." I fought back. "So don't go telling me all this crap because you don't know me. You don't know Alvin."

She glared at me for a long time. "Fine. Yeah, you may know him more than I do, but he loves me more than he will EVER love you." She said.

I rolled my eyes again. "You know, I find it funny how you act like you really love Alvin."

Victoria's eyes widened. "What?" She exclaimed. "Well, I find it hilarious how you're so jealous."

I looked at Alvin. He looked frustrated, but he didn't move. He didn't say a word. Alvin was that type of guy who loved attention, and I bet it was every guy's dream to have 2 girls fight over him, but in this situation, I knew Alvin was hating it all. But that didn't matter to me now. I just wanted Victoria to leave. I wanted to show her how much of a bitch I can be when I wanted to be. I wanted to show her that I'm not afraid to expose her secret.

"Jealous? I'm not jealous of anyone, especially not you." I fired.

"Then why can't you just leave us alone?" She exclaimed.

"Because I don't want you to hurt him!" I yelled, pointing my finger at Alvin, who was still unmoving.

"Me? You're the one who's hurting him!" Victoria fought back. "You're the one who had to confess your feelings to him, you're the one who's trying to mess around with his feelings for me, and you're the one who ran away, making him confused and hurt as ever! And you think I'm the one who's hurting him?"

I said nothing for a few seconds. Listening to Victoria's words hurt, because in a way, she was right. I've hurt Alvin in ways I hadn't really thought of. I've hurt him by falling in love with him. And because of that, I was hurting myself. He told me himself that he couldn't stand the fact that my life is falling apart because of him. That's why he's so hard on himself. And when I ran away, Alvin was putting all the blame on himself. It killed me to know that I was hurting Alvin, but I tried telling myself that she was wrong.

"I did all of that to protect myself." I said, looking at her. "I didn't want to get hurt. I didn't want Alvin to see me get hurt because I knew it would hurt him back."

"Then if you care about Alvin so much, then why can't you just leave him alone?" She fired.

I felt anger rise up inside of me. Why can't this girl understand anything? "I already told you, bitch!"

Alvin's head jerked up to look at me. But Victoria didn't seem to care that I called her a bitch. She just rolled her eyes. "Now I can see why Alvin doesn't want to be with you. You're so obnoxious, and you have such a short temper."

My heart began to pound with rage. I was so ready to slap the shit out if this girl. I swear, if Alvin wasn't here, I'd knock her out myself. But speaking of Alvin...Victoria and I have been so busy going at each other's throats, that we totally forgot about the whole reason to why were were fighting - Alvin. Alvin was just standing there, listening to us fight, but he hardly said a word. And it confused me to why he wasn't trying to get in between us.

I looked at Alvin. "Are you just gonna let her call me things like that?" I yelled.

Alvin's eyes pierced into mine. It was almost impossible to read the expression on his face. "Just stop it." He said, and he turned to Victoria. "Both of you."

"Alvin, it's not me." Said Victoria, and I swear, I felt like throwing up. "She's starting everything."

I cut in before Alvin could open his mouth to speak. "God, you are so immature and pathetic." I said.

"Brittany!" Alvin exclaimed, clearly annoyed.

I closed my mouth and watched him and he stared at me. Fury swam around my body, knowing that Alvin was mad at me right now. Mad at me, though? For what? I just wanted to scream. I was upset and irritated by Alvin now. How dare he stand up for her? How dare he get mad at me for saying what I really feel? I mean, he's not even doing the same to Victoria! I don't hear him yelling at her, so why me? He doesn't have the right to yell at me, especially when I'm saying the truth.

"What, Alvin?" I fired at him. "Why the hell are you getting so pissed off at me when I say something? But you never seem to get mad at her when she calls me things back!"

"Because I'm his girlfriend!" Victoria exclaimed angrily.

My eyes darted to her. "I swear, if you open your mouth one more time, I'm-"

"Holy shit, _cut it out_!" Alvin fired, looking and sounding even more angrier and annoyed than before. "Both of you, just stop."

I glared at him. My anger towards him was increasing by the seconds. "Cut it out? Don't tell me to cut it out when you're just standing there, doing nothing, when I'm trying to fight for you. Hell, two girls are fighting for you!"

"Exactly. That's why I want the two of you to stop!" Exclaimed Alvin.

"Why aren't you saying anything though, Alvin? Why are you just standing there, listening to us fight?" I exclaimed.

He looked at me. "Because I don't know what to do! I don't know what I should do to make you guys quit fighting! I mean, I've asked you two-"

"Asking won't do anything." I fired.

"Then what do you expect me to do, Brittany? Get in between you two and pull you guys apart?" He asked furiously.

"No! I just think it's so stupid how you're just standing there, watching us like it's a show." I fired.

Alvin looked at me and Victoria for a long time. "For the sake of everyone, just stop. Can we all just talk?"

I scoffed. "We've had enough talks, Alvin." I said acidly. "And we both know how they end up."

"How about this." Victoria said, cutting in again. "Why don't we quit fighting, and just accept the fact that Alvin's my boyfriend, and that he loves me."

I looked at Victoria right after she said it. Despisement, hatred and anger began to take control of my body. I felt like I was heating up from the inside. The look Victoria had on her face made me want to go over there and pull her blonde hair right out of her head. She has the guts to say that, when we both know she has a secret that she's hiding from Alvin? How dare she say that when she has another boyfriend somewhere else. I couldn't believe this girl. She has the nerve to stand there, looking so innocent, when she really was a two timing cheat?

I. Had. _Enough_.

"You whore." I said, glaring at Victoria.

"Goddamn it, Brittany. Quit it." Said Alvin.

"Why are you always getting mad at ME, and never HER?" I yelled at him.

"Because she's not calling you names, like how you're doing to her." Said Alvin.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know we were back in Kindergarten." I exclaimed, my voice mixed with sarcasm and rage.

Alvin sighed. "Brittany, we-"

"Why are you so f-cking protective over her?" I shot.

"Stop." He said, sounding agitated.

I looked at Alvin in disbelief. "You're telling me to stop? Why don't you tell that little bitch to stop? Why are you so afraid of sticking up for me, when you have no problem in defending her?" I asked, feeling my heart shatter as I said it.

"It's not that, Brittany." Alvin said. "But would you quit calling her things like that?"

My mouth hung open just a little bit. I couldn't believe what I just heard. He really _was_ sticking up for her, but he was too pathetic to admit it. As mentioned, I didn't want to tell Alvin about Victoria. But now, seeing how defensive he was over Victoria, and how she just stood beside him, putting on her fake girlfriend act, I didn't care. Alvin needs to know, and he _will_ know.

I was too afraid to hurt Alvin? Ha, seeing how he doesn't care about me right now, all my respect for him went down the drain.

"You really don't know anything about her, do you." I asked Alvin.

Beside him, I saw Victoria tighten up. It made me smile on the inside, knowing that she understood where I was going.

Alvin looked at me, confused. "What are you trying to say?"

"Alvin, don't listen to her. She's trying to put words in your head to get us to break up." Victoria said to him.

Alvin looked at her, while Victoria stared at him back. I bet she had those pathetic little Please-listen-to-me eyes on her face. Alvin broke gazes with her and looked back at me. "Brittany, what are you talking about?"

"Why don't you ask her?" I said, pointing to Victoria.

"I would, except that I have no idea what you're talking about!" She exclaimed.

I felt a wave of heat go through me. I was literally on my last nerve with this girl. "I think you do." I said. "So would you rather have me tell him? Or would you rather tell him yourself?"

Behind that fake confused face, I knew Victoria was shaking with fright. It made me laugh on the inside to know what I was doing, but Alvin just needed to know. He needs to believe me. He needs to realize how stupid he was all this time, and that I was right about her all along. He needs to dig down deep and find his goddamn heart, because I know he cares about me. I know he loves me, but it just hurts to know that he can't bring himself up to accept it.

And he needs to open his mind, and see that we should be together.

After a few seconds, I saw Victoria smirk. "Okay, fine. You tell him."

I felt my heart drop. Why wasn't she scared? Why wasn't she afraid? She clearly knew that I was talking about her affair, but why wasn't Victoria acting like she didn't want Alvin to hear it? In fact, it was as if she wanted Alvin to hear it.

"What?" I asked.

"Since there's something about me you have to tell Alvin, why don't you tell him yourself?" Victoria said.

Alvin, who was standing right beside her, just continued to look at me.

I looked at Victoria's face. And that's when I saw it. I now understood that smirk on her face. She was threatening me. She wanted me to say it because she knew that she would win either way. I remember what she told me, the day I found out about her other boyfriend. She told me that even if I would tell Alvin, he would never believe me. Her words rang in my ears.

_"Who's he gonna believe? You? Or me, his girlfriend?" _

I started to feel sick. She was right. I looked at the two of them. Millions of mixed thoughts and emotions ran through me. Should I do the right thing by telling him? Alvin should know that his 'girlfriend' is cheating on him. But as Victoria said, would he believe me? Or should I just keep my mouth close, and stand here, looking like a complete fool because I had nothing to say?

My heart was aching to follow the second choice, but I tried my best to pull away from that and listen to the first choice. I had to tell him, and he has to believe me. I mean, he'd be crazy if he wouldn't believe me. Alvin and I have told each other almost everything our whole lives, and whether it was a secret or just plain gossip, we would always believe each other. So he just has to listen...

I didn't realize that I hadn't said anything for over 30 seconds. I saw Victoria raise her eyebrows, looking like the bitch she really is. "See? You have nothing to say."

But what really surprised me was when Alvin opened his mouth. "Britt..." He said gently. "_Do_ you have something to say?"

The way he looked at me, and the way his tone sounded, gave me the impression that Alvin wanted to hear what I had to say. It was as if he _wanted_ to believe me...

"I-I..." I stuttered.

Victoria shook her head, acting like she was full of disbelief. She turned to Alvin. "I told you she was trying to break us up. Baby, she's trying to come up with lies about me!"

_Baby_?

Alvin looked at Victoria, then back at me. And when I saw Alvin's face, I almost burst into tears. Alvin looked at me softly, and my heart began to crack, because it looked like he wanted to listen to me.

"Lies?" I said quietly, but threatingly. "I think you're the one who's the liar."

Victoria looked at me, and again, it looked like she was threatening me to say it out loud. But I had to listen to myself. Alvin should know, and he will know. And he will believe me. Why should he believe a girl he just met a few months ago, over a girl he has known for 15 years? Because the other girl was his girlfriend? No, that was no excuse because deep down inside of him, I know he loves me.

Victoria scoffed. "Yeah?"

I looked at Alvin. My heart was pounding with fear. "Alvin, she's cheating on you. She always has been." And once I finally said those words, I felt my whole body turn to ice.

Silence.

Alvin looked dumbfounded and confused. "Wait, what?" He asked, as if I had just spoken gibberish.

"Victoria's cheating on you." I said thickly, feeling my throat close in.

Alvin turned to Victoria. "What?"

Victoria glared at me. "I have no idea what you're talking about, Brittany. Why would you make up something like this?" She asked, trying her best to sound real.

"Don't give me that bullshit." I said. "Why don't you tell Alvin about your other boyfriend, Daniel?"

Alvin looked at her, but Victoria managed to look offended, but I knew she was faking it. It made me sick. "What the hell are you talking about?" She asked.

"Please." I exclaimed in disgust. "Stop acting like you have no idea what I'm talking about, because you know pretty damn well that I'm right."

Victoria turned to Alvin. "Alvin, she's lying. I don't know what she's talking about, I swear. She's making up lies about me. She hates me because we're together. That's why she's always coming up with these stories!"

"STORIES?" I bursted. As my heart banged against the walls of my body, I turned to Alvin with weak and pleading eyes. "Alvin, you've got to listen to me. She's cheating on you. She has another boyfriend. I heard her on the phone with some other guy, and she told me herself!" I said, pointing to Victoria. "She said it herself that she has another boyfriend."

"I would never do that." Said Victoria, sounding serious.

"Alvin, believe me." I whispered. "Would I ever lie to you? You've known me for 15 years, and you know I would never lie to you. I'm just doing this to protect you. I don't want to see you get hurt."

Alvin continued to looked at me. After a few seconds, he opened his mouth to talk. And once he did - once he said that one word - my life came crashing down upon me. My heart was split into two, my body began to tremble, and my legs felt like they had turned to jelly.

"No." He whispered.

My head began to spin. I couldn't describe the hurt and disbelief I felt when he said that word to me. "What?"

"This is enough, Brittany." Said Alvin. "You've gone too far with these lies."

"What lies?" I fired heavily, trying to hold back tears. "What is she telling you? What kinds of things is she telling you about me?"

Alvin shook his head, unable to answer. "What you just did, that was crossing the line. Victoria would never do that."

My mouth hung open. "ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT YOU BELIEVE HER?" I yelled.

He nodded without hesitation. "Brittany, you just proved to me that you really are trying to break us apart. I know you dislike Victoria, but you're gonna come up with these lies about her? That's just plain pathetic."

My heart was crushed. "Why are you listening to her? Haven't you forgot all the things we've been through together over the past 15 years? Are you forgetting that I'm your best friend, and that I'm doing this to protect you?" I said weakly.

Alvin shook his head again. "You've changed, Brittany. And I'm done with it."

"Changed?" I asked in disbelief. "You've got to be joking."

"It's like, I don't know you anymore. I hate this attitude you're putting up." He said. "Look, I know how you feel about me, but seriously? Making up lies about people, just because you don't get what you want? I can't even explain it, Brittany."

"Because I don't get what I want?" I repeated his words. "Can you even hear yourself right now?"

Alvin looked at me through eyes full of hurt and anger. "If you really cared about me, then you should just leave me alone. I'm happy with Victoria, and if you're gonna stoop down at a low level by making up lies about her, then I guess we all know what you really are, Britt."

I wanted to open my mouth up and yell, but I was so weak. I couldn't believe the words I was hearing. He was HAPPY with her? I looked at Victoria and Alvin. Victoria had no emotion on her face, but I knew she was just exploding with joy on the inside. But Alvin looked mad. He looked even more pissed off and angry than before, when he saw me for the first time after learning that I had returned to college.

I had no more strength in me anymore.

"You're a liar, Brittany." He said.

* * *

**Ouch...that must hurt Brittany a LOT :'(**

**Well, that chapter sure was frustrating. -sigh- Damn you Alvin, I just can't believe you. And I feel like pushing Victoria off a bridge for being so fake :)**

**What's gonna happen to Brittany and Alvin next?**

**Thanks for reading, and I hope you liked the chapter! PLEASE PLEASE review! Thank you!**


	32. No one to turn to

Words couldn't describe how I felt. My skin, my body and my heart felt like it had been drenched of ice water. I felt my whole body go numb. His words pierced through me, and I began to feel sick, twisted and dizzy. The feeling of him calling me a liar felt much worse than when he said he loves Victoria. It almost seemed impossible to feel worse, but it was true. I knew why being called a liar hurt more - because I wasn't. I was telling the truth.

But Alvin didn't believe me.

I stared at him, unable to open my mouth. I didn't have the energy to scream or to cry. I was just so full of disbelief right now. My heart beat got faster and stronger as the seconds ticked by. I was feeling more nauseous by the moment. Alvin was staring back into my eyes, and I could tell he was angry. Anger began to rise within me. I wanted to slap him across the face again. When I hit him across the face the first time, I felt guilty and hurt that I did that. But now, I wanted to.

How dare he say that to me? How dare he call me a liar?

I felt like bursting into tears, but I held myself back. The last thing I needed was to cry in front of him again, especially since his girlfriend was standing right beside him. I tried my best not to look at Victoria's face. But I knew she was happy, because she knew she had won. Her plan had went her way, and I just couldn't accept it. She was the liar, not me. But she got her way, and it was unfair. It was ridiculous that Alvin was believing her. It was unbelievable to see how pathetic Alvin was being.

"Liar?" I whispered, yet threateningly.

"You heard me." Answered Alvin, equally mad.

"I-I can't believe you." I said in disbelief.

"I can't believe you either!" He exclaimed. "Just because we're not together, doesn't mean that you can make up all these lies!"

"LIES?" I erupted.

"You know what, Brittany? I'm done. I've tried my best to help you, but you just don't get it, don't you?" Alvin said.

"What? You have the nerve to stand there, and call me a liar?" I asked, my voice gradually getting louder. "Do you know who you're talking to?"

"Not anymore." He said. "Like I said, Brittany, you've changed. I hardly know you anymore."

"You son of a..." I took a deep breath and looked at him. "What makes you think I'm lying?"

"Victoria would NEVER cheat on me!" He yelled. "So stop making up stories about her, because-"

"Because WHAT ALVIN?" I yelled, feeling anger explode in me like a volcano. "BECAUSE YOU LOVE HER? IS THAT WHAT YOU WANNA SAY? DO YOU WANT TO TRY AND SAY THAT TO MY FACE AGAIN?"

Alvin said nothing. He and Victoria just stood there, watching me. I wanted to take my hand and slap Victoria across the face even more than I wanted to do to Alvin. I wanted to feel the pain in my hand after hitting her, I wanted her to feel the pain of me hitting her, I wanted her to admit her lies, I wanted Alvin to hear it come from her mouth, and I just want her out of my sight forever. But she was the least of my concerns right now. I didn't care if that lying bitch was just standing there. I had to deal with Alvin right now.

After I calmed down, I continued. "You're gonna believe a girl you just met, over a girl you've known all your life? Really Alvin?" I asked, seriously hurt.

Alvin didn't take it into consideration that I was pained and heartbroken. "If you keep this up, then yes."

I just stood there, feeling my heart shatter as he spoke.

"This isn't you, Brittany. You're just upset that we're not together, and you're taking all your anger out on Victoria." Said Alvin. "Brittany, if you really cared about me as your best friend, then you should be happy for me."

"Why should I be happy for you when you're dating someone who's cheating on you?" I exclaimed.

Alvin glared at me for 3 seconds then sighed and shook his head. "That's enough, Brittany. I-"

"Don't f-cking tell me what to do." I said again, my voice getting louder. "Why are you believing her? How can you not see how defensive she's being?" I asked, pointing at Victoria. "Why can't you see that she's lying?"

"Because I know my girlfriend, and-"

"You sure as hell don't!" I yelled. I couldn't believe Alvin right now. He was acting so pathetic, so stupid and so blind. He was so defensive over Victoria, it was as if they teamed up to go against me, and I felt weak.

"Yeah? If you've known about this for so long, then why didn't you tell me?" He asked.

"Because I didn't want to hurt you!" I screamed. "Why is it so hard for you to see that?"

Alvin shook his head. "Why didn't you tell me earlier? If you really knew about this for a long time, why didn't you tell me about it?"

I literally felt like a kettle; I was fuming on the inside, and sooner or later, I was gonna explode with anger. "You really wanna know the answer, Alvin?" I asked, venom spreading through my voice. "I mean, what's the use? Because if I do, then what's the point? You're not gonna listen to me anyway!"

"Fine." He fired. "Then don't. Just don't come running to me when you get hurt again because I've done everything I could."

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO? YOU DID NOTHING BUT HURT ME!" I screamed.

Again, there was silence.

Alvin's gaze pierced through me now. "I'm gonna ask you one more time. Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

I stared back into his eyes, full of hatred and anger. I tried my best to keep my eyes away from Victoria, because if I took one look at her, I'd probably lose it. And starting a fight with some bleach blond idiot was the last thing on my mind right now. "Because I didn't want to hurt you."

Alvin scoffed in disbelief. "That's your answer to everything."

My mouth hung open, unable to take in what he just said to me. He was being so _mean_. If it was possible, my broken heart would be sobbing right now. "What is wrong with you?"

"You always give me that answer, Brittany. It's getting pretty old." Shot Alvin. "Now, if you can't give me a reason, then I guess this talk is over."

"BECAUSE YOU LOVE HER, OKAY?" I screamed. And once again, Alvin fell silent. He looked at me, while I stared at him back, trying to calm down. I sighed. "I know you're in love with Victoria. A-And that's why I didn't want to tell you about it earlier. I knew how much you love her, but I just couldn't bring myself up to tell you because if you found out the truth, I knew it would break your heart. And I didn't want you to get hurt." I said. It took all my remaining strength to finish talking.

After a long moment of silence, Alvin said, "That's it?"

My head jerked up to look at him in the face. "What do you mean 'That's it'?" I asked, full of doubt.

"That's your only reason?" He asked simply.

"I-I-I..." I stuttered. "Why are you being so mean to me?" I asked weakly.

"Because I'm done with you." He shot. "After this lie you came up with, I am done with you, Brittany."

"I'M NOT LYING!" I screamed. "God Alvin! Can't you see that I care about you? I don't want you to be with her because I know she'll break your break sooner or later! Why can't you just listen to me now when you have the chance? For once, just listen to me before you actually do get hurt by her!" I exclaimed, pointing my finger at Victoria.

Alvin sighed in frustration. "Listen, I-"

"I'm not done." I shot. "You've hurt me so many times. But I can't bring myself up to do the same to you! No matter how hurt I've been, I don't want the same happening to you! That proves how much I care about you, how much I love you!"

Alvin said nothing for the longest time. And in that moment, seeing how he said nothing at all, it felt different. It was as if something foreign had washed over me. And I felt like I had enough. I now wanted him out of my sight. I was already hurt enough, and I didn't want him near me anymore. If he wasn't going to believe me, then fine. Let him be. I've warned him enough, but he still won't believe me. And I've had it. Like Alvin said, I was done. He made his choice, and there wasn't anything I could do about it.

But I knew one thing. Once Alvin _does _gets his heart broken, once he comes running to me, apologizing to me, and realizing that I was right all along, I would just walk away. This was his final chance, and he blew it.

I _hate _him.

I knew Alvin had nothing to say, because he said nothing for the remaining time, and he just stood there, looking away from me. I sighed and shook my head. "Just get out of my face, Alvin."

He looked up and the two of us locked gazes for about 5 seconds before he finally openedhis mouth. "Fine." He said.

It shocked me that he didn't go against what I said. I had expected him to say no. It hurt me, but now, I didn't care. It felt like nothing will ever matter to me anymore.

"Don't ever talk to me again." I shot acidly, and I was telling the truth. "I hope you do get your heart broken. But just know that I don't care anymore. You chose her, I get it. But once you do find out about her, don't come running to me."

He sighed. "Fine." He said again. Then I saw him turn towards Victoria. "Let's go."

I looked up, and saw Alvin wrap an arm around her. Victoria didn't even look up at me, and I think I knew why - she was trying to keep in her hapiness. It took every ounce of my self control to hold me away from her. And without saying anything else, she and Alvin walked straight out the door, then closed it behind them. And once they shut the door shut, I felt dead. But I wasn't going to scream or cry. I didn't know how to feel, or what to feel. What just happened? But I knew that Alvin Seville meant nothing to me now. He thinks _I_ changed? I changed because I loved him, and I wanted to protect him. But no. He's the one who has changed. He's turned into a love-struck jerk, who doesn't care about me - the girl who has done everything because she cared about him.

But one thing kept on trailing in my mind - Did I just lose my best friend for good?

Yes.

I sighed. I was alone. The sound of the door shutting close still rang in my ears. But here I was, standing in the middle of the living room, trying to wrap my mind around the events that just happened. It was unacceptable. I couldn't believe him. He turned into a jerk, because he was too in love with that girl. Why couldn't he see the truth? Why can't he see that I was the one who was trying to protect him, and that Victoria is doing nothing but hurt him?

I don't understand why he didn't believe me. He has the nerve to stand there and defend Victoria, then call me a liar afterwards? That just proved to me that _he_ changed - not me. How dare he say I changed? Because all I've done was try and do the right thing, yet he still stuck by Victoria's side. I've lived for 19 years, and I've known Alvin for 15 of those years. And I can truly say that he's different, that he's not himself - all because he fell in love with the wrong girl.

And despite the close relationship Alvin and I shared all these years, it's now gone. I knew our friendship was over, and I knew Alvin knew that too.

It was hard to believe what happened to me within the past 24 hours. Less than a day ago, I was back at home, alone, almost getting kidnapped and raped by a man. I was just lucky that Simon was there. I was lucky that I'm even alive. But now as I think about it, am I lucky? Because if Simon hadn't of found me, where would I be? I don't know the answer to that, but I knew one thing. I wouldn't be here, back in college, getting yelled at Alvin, and being called a liar.

But it happened; it all happened, and there's nothing I can do about it.

I gazed at the door. Yes, I was hurt, but I didn't burst into tears. Anger took place of all the self pity and sadness in me. I was angry. I felt the rage pump in my veins. I hate him. I hate Alvin Seville. I regret every tear I've shed because of him. I regret everything I've put myself through because of him. What was the point of continuing to be in love with him if he made it so damn clear that he loves Victoria?

I was done. Done with my feelings, done with crying, done with love, and most definitely done with him. But as I said, if he comes running back to me, then it'll be too late. I hate him.

I sighed heavily as I sat down on the couch. I was surprised that I was actually containing myself. I mean, if this happened just a few weeks ago, I would be crying my heart and soul out again. But as each word of his poured into my mind, I was beginning to get over it. I was starting to get over the fact that we just weren't right for each other, and that he will never be with me.

I was just sorry that I fell in love with him in the first place. My heart was aching as I thought about wanting to undo everything if I had the power to. It was painful and hurtful to my soul because somewhere deep inside my mind, there was just a small part of me that knew that I would never ever undo it.

"God..." I whispered. I buried my face in my hands and took a deep breath.

I hated this. I hated this feeling of being alone. I now had no one to talk to. I lost my mother, the one person who I could talk to about anything. Then I lost my best friend, the boy I trusted the most. I was feeling hopeless and useless. I needed someone here with me before I go insane. I needed someone to talk to. But I felt like a lost little girl. I had nowhere to turn, no one to turn to anymore...

Then I remembered. My head suddenly jerked up. How could I _possibly_ forget? The two people in the world who mean everything to me, the two people in the world who I cared about with all my heart - the two girls who were worrying their hearts out, unaware that their older sister has returned.

Earlier today when I was with Simon, he told me that Jeanette was coming back from San Diego this afternoon. And since she hasn't returned to the dorm yet, I figured that she either hasn't returned, or that she went straight to the hospital to visit Eleanor. But either way, I needed to go and see them.

Without wasting one more second, I got up off the couch, put on my shoes, swung the door open, ran down the halls, out the school, grabbed a taxi and went straight to the hospital. I didn't know if I should be nervous about seeing them again, or excited. I knew Jeanette and Eleanor were furious at me for leaving, but I needed to see them again. I hadn't seen them for over 2 weeks. And with everything going on, I just needed them with me.

I remembered where Eleanor's room was. It was just down the hall, the 7th door on the left. It felt like forever as I ran down the hallways, but when I finally reached the door, I felt like I had run out of breath.

I swung the door open, and there, as I expected, sat my 2 sisters. I stood there for a few seconds, looking at them. Eleanor was still in her hospital bed, with Jeanette sitting in the chair beside it. Eleanor looked way better than she had been before. They both had textbooks in their laps, so I figured they were doing homework.

When I opened the door, they both turned to me at the same time. Eleanor gasped, and Jeanette stood up as she faced me. The 3 of us said nothing for a long time.

"Brittany." Jeanette said, sounding breathless.

"Hey guys." I said weakly, as I stepped inside the hospital room. I closed the door behind me. This was not the reaction I was hoping for. I thought they would be happy to see me again. If not happy, then at least be relieved! But no. There was dead silence between us.

"Y-You're back." Said Jeanette.

I felt a wave of guilt wash through me. I sighed and walked over to them and sat on the edge of Eleanor's bed. Both of my sisters watched me, saying nothing as I came over to them. "I'm back." I said weakly, trying my best to smile. It was silent for about half a minute. I waited for one of them to open up and say something, but they didn't. I sighed to myself, cleared my throat, looked up and looked at both of my sister's faces. They were both looking at me. Myeyes darted to Eleanor. "How are you feeling, Elle? Better?"

Eleanor just nodded.

I felt my heart sink. I expected a better answer. But I turned to Jeanette. "How was San Diego?"

"How did you know about that?" Asked Jeanette.

"Simon told me." I said. "When did you get back?"

"About 20 minutes ago." She answered simply.

I just nodded, feeling weird. This whole talk with my sisters was weird. Yeah, I know they're mad at me for leaving, and surprised right now to see me back again, but I would have expected more. They were acting so weird around me. I thought that when I would see them again, I would run over to them and hug them and apologize, pleading and asking them to forgive me for leaving. But the air around us was so different. I couldn't go over there and hug them or anything. I would have thought that Eleanor and Jeanette would say something like 'We missed you' or 'I can't believe you're back', but they said nothing, and I just didn't know why.

But before I could say something else, Jeanette said, "Why are you back, Brittany?"

I froze. "What?"

"Why are you back?" She repeated.

I wasn't sure what to feel right now. "What are you talking about?" I asked but Jeanette sighed and shook her head. "Jeanette..." I said. I looked at Eleanor, who was now looking away. "Eleanor, wh-what's up with you guys? Why are you acting so weird around me?"

Eleanor turned to me. "Are you seriously asking us that, Brittany?" She asked. "You should know!"

Another rush of guilt ran through me. I bit my lip and sighed. "Look, I-I know you guys are mad at me for leaving, but if you give me one minute to exp-"

"You don't need to explain anything, Brittany!" Jeanette fired. "Do you have any idea what you've put us through?"

I gulped and looked away. "Yes." I admitted. "I-I know. And I am so sorry. You know I would never intend to do that but...but I just had to."

"You had to?" Jeanette asked in disbelief. "You had the guts to run away, but you didn't even bother to tell me or Eleanor?"

I felt even more hurt and weak than I had been when I was with Alvin and Victoria earlier today. These are my sisters. But now, as they sit there, glaring at me with fury, it made me feel hopeless, as if they were breaking apart from me.

"I'm sorry!" I said. "But would you guys just listen to me?"

This time, Eleanor spoke up. "No." She said. "You ran away without telling us - US of all people. You've literally made us insane by worrying about you, and now, you just show up, asking us to listen to you? There's nothing else to say, Brittany."

"But I'm back." I fought.

"But that's no excuse to what you've done to us!" Fired Jeanette. "I mean, do you know what you've put ME through? My little sister is stuck in the hospital, and then I get the news that my oldest sister is gone?"

When I listened to Jeanette, it made me realize how much of a monster I've become. "I'm sorry, Jeanette." I said, truly hating myself on the inside.

"What if you were hurt?" Jeanette exclaimed. "Eleanor's already here, in the hospital. I don't need my other sister to be in here too!"

I gulped. This was exactly like the talk Alvin and I had before Victoria walked in. Everything my sisters were saying was everything Alvin said. And I didn't want another repeat of the fight that broke Alvin and I apart forever. I didn't want to see or hear anything that'll make me think of the boy who tore me apart forever. But that wish didn't last long.

"And it's not only us. It's Alvin, Simon and Theodore as well!" Said Eleanor. "They were worried sick about you!"

I didn't want to hear anymore. I said nothing, unable to answer.

"And especially Alvin." Said Jeanette. "He hasn't been acting like himself, and-"

"Don't say his name." I hissed, cutting in without thinking. As I said, I wanted nothing to do with him. "You know why I ran away? It's because of him."

Eleanor and Jeanette said nothing for a long time. They just looked at me.

After a minute, Eleanor said, "What do you mean? Why is it all Alvin's fault?"

I felt anger rise up in my face when Eleanor said his name again, but I just inhaled deeply and shook my head. I didn't want to talk about it. I never wanted to talk about it again. "That doesn't matter anymore. Just don't bring him up. Don't ever say his name in front of me again."

Eleanor said, "But he's worried about you! Did you even get a chance to see-"

"I did." I said automatically. "I saw him, right before I came here." I took a deep breath. "He talked to me, and yeah, he was mad. But I'm done. I'm done with him. I want nothing to do with him ever again. I now see the real him. He's a jerk."

Eleanor and Jeanette looked at each other for 1 second before turning back to me. "Brittany, what happened?" Asked Jeanette.

I wasn't sure if my sisters were still mad at me, or not, seeing how hurt I was right now. But behind all the pain, was fury. Alvin Seville was nothing to me. He's hurt me so many times, but the event that happened today was the worse of all. He called me a liar, he has the nerve to listen to Victoria, and not me when I was the one who was telling the truth. And just thinking back about it made anger flood my veins like it had never done before.

"I don't care anymore." I shot. "I'm done with him."

"Did you guys fight again?" Asked Eleanor quietly, almost as if she was scared to ask me.

I looked at her. "We did more than just that." I said acidly. "He's proven to me that he's a low life asshole who doesn't care about anyone but himself."

Silence fell upon the 3 of us again. Finally, Jeanette spoke up. "What happened, Brittany?"

I shook my head, wishing that I had the power to control my anger, but I didn't. "I don't want to talk about it." I fired.

"And why not? Who else are you gonna talk to but us?" Jeanette exclaimed.

I glared at her, feeling the heat and anger within me rise as each second went by. "I said I don't want to talk about it." I said, almost rudely.

"And there you go again, Brittany. Only thinking about yourself." Said Jeanette.

"And what's that suppose to mean?" I shot.

"Do I have to spell it out for you?" Jeanette shot back. "You ran away from home for 2 weeks, and now since we're trying to talk to you to make you feel better, you're completely turning us down!"

"Turning you down?" I asked in disbelief, looking at my purple-clad sister. "You and Eleanor are the ones who are turning me down! I wanted to explain everything to you guys, but you guys are so angry at me, that you don't even want to listen!"

"Of course we're mad!" Eleanor said, straigtening up from her seat. "Why wouldn't we be?"

"Brittany, we just want to know what happened because we care about you. Fine, we're trying to leave behind the fact that you ran away, but you're making it clear that something is bothering you!" Said Jeanette.

"Why can't you just accept the fact that I'm back, so we can just stop fighting!" I shot.

"You know what, Brittany?" Asked Eleanor, furiously. "Just leave."

I looked at her in shock. "What?"

"Leave." Eleanor repeated. "You think Alvin is only thinking about himself? You're even worse!"

I honestly couldn't believe my own sister was saying this to me. "What?"

"We're only trying to talk to you, but you're pushing us away." Said Jeanette. "Eleanor's right. You can leave. You left us for 2 weeks already, anyway."

I glared at them for a long time. "What t-"

"You know what you are, Brittany?" Exclaimed Eleanor. "You're selfish!"

I gasped to myself, and felt my life crash down after Eleanor said that. The feeling I had was indescribable. But it was worse than what I had felt when Alvin called me a liar. I just couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe my own 2 sisters had said those things to me. My breathing became more hard, and I just couldn't take it. It felt like the last time I was here, before I ran away, when Alvin and I spoke to each other alone.

But I stood up without saying anything, and ran out the door, tears forming around my eyes. In just 2 hours, I lost my best friend, got called a liar, lost my sisters and got called selfish.

No one understood me. I now had no one to turn to.

* * *

1 week later...

I returned back to class, and let me tell you, my teachers were not impressed. But I was lucky that they let me back in, after telling them that my 'Friend from back home was sick and I needed to take care of her.' And they seem to have believed me.

But over the week, I hadn't spoken to my sisters since then. Eleanor was still in the hospital, but when Jeanette was home, she completely ignored me. Fine, if my sister was gonna act like that, I wasn't afraid to do the same. Two can play at that game. And the same happened with Victoria. It took all my strength to keep me from hitting her for lying in front of me and Alvin. But we never talked, nor made eye contact. In words, with the 3 of us not talking, the dorm was dead silent.

Within the past week, I literally spoke to no one at all. I hardly opened my mouth to speak. I was alone. I had no one to talk to anymore, and it was made me feel like crap. I hated this feeling. I felt so isolated, like everyone hated me. What am I doing wrong?

The final bell just rang. I was now making my way back to my dorm when I spotted someone I hadn't seen for a long, long time.

Anthony.

I stopped walking, and watched him. He stood beside one of the bulletin boards, talking to one of his friends. I felt my heart speed up as memories upon memories came back into my head. The last time I saw Anthony was that time we went out for dinner, when he confessed that he loved me, and when I turned him down, telling him that I loved someone else.

But that 'someone else' meant nothing to me anymore, so I didn't care at all. After a minute or so, Anthony's friend walked away, leaving Anthony alone. I gulped, remembering how hurt he was when I said I didn't love him back. I hated myself for hurting him. But I felt so lonely, and Anthony was the only guy who stuck by me all this time. He acted more like a friend than Alvin ever was ever since we started college just 3 months ago.

And I kinda...missed him.

And without knowing, I began to walk towards him.

* * *

**I know some of you guys are tired of all the fights, so you'll be glad to know that this chapter is PROBABLY the last chapter that has an arguement in it LOL.**

**Poor Brittany! Now her own sisters won't talk to her! And since Anthony is back in the story, what's gonna happen next?**

**AND OMFG THE NEWEST CHIPWRECKED TRAILER WAS FREAKIN AMAZING. I whip my tail back and forth ;)**

**Hope you enjoyed the chapter! PLEASE PLEASE reivew! Thank you :)**


	33. The right mistake

Each step I took brought me closer to where Anthony stood. But as I took those steps, my mind was playing tug of war, asking myself if I should go up and talk to him, or turn around and walk away when I had the chance. The last time I saw Anthony was a long time ago. I could remember that night when we last spoke to each other, and those memories hurt.

We were out that night, just two friends having dinner, when he confessed his feelings to me. He told me he loved me. I can still remember the feelings I had when he said it to me. I remember just sitting there, blankfaced and full of disbelief. I remember looking into Anthony's face, and telling him that I loved someone else. I remember the hurt expression in his face as he stood up and walked away from me.

But what really hurt me the most was what it reminded me of. It reminded me of that day when I finally told Alvin I loved him - and when he said he loved someone else.

But I needed to leave those memories behind. Anything that has to do with Alvin, I needed to forget about them forever. When Alvin broke my heart for the first time, I thought that would be enough. But it happened again and again, and this time, I was done. He meant nothing to me anymore, and he never will.

He was my best friend for 15 years. Now, he's just some stranger in my life. And to be honest, it didn't bother me because I knew if Alvin and I stayed away from each other, I would never get hurt again. But no matter how harsh I was being, deep inside me, it still killed me to know I had lost the person I cared and trusted the most.

But I had to let him go.

My eyes were glued to Anthony. And as each second passed, my heart suddenly filled with guilt. I can't believe I had hurt him so much. I haven't seen Anthony for a while, but it just occured to me now how much I had hurt him. I mean, he has been the only person I could talk to ever since college started. He has basically been my only friend. Because my best friend was too busy with his 'girlfriend', and I hardly had time to be with my sisters. And Anthony was the only person I could turn to.

I felt like I could talk to Anthony about anything. I felt so comfortable around him, and I felt like myself when I spoke to him. I could laugh and smile, something I hardly did ever since I found out about my feelings for Alvin. And honestly, I missed those times.

I've been so lonely. My mother is dead, my own sisters refuse to talk to me, and the one boy who I've spent all my life with is out of my life for good. And to know that all of this happened to me in 4 months, hurt.

I shut my mind up once I was just inches away from Anthony. He had his back turned to me, looking at the notices on the bulletin board. He was unaware that I was right behind him, and I began to wonder what his reaction will be once he sees me again. I can understand if he's still angry at me, but I was just hoping he would let me talk to him. I needed to talk to someone, anyone. But just like what Anthony said to me, the last time we spoke, he said that I was using him.

But am I using him? Everything he said to me that night was true. I was using him to let go of my feelings for Alvin. And now, since I officially had no one to talk to, I turn to him. I kicked myself mentally, realizing that I _am _using him. And it just kills me to know that my ignorance hurt him - but I had nowhere to turn. I just had to go back to him...

I felt my heart rate race when I stood right behind him. My feet felt like collapsing. I took a deep breath, bit my lip and tilted my head up to look at him.

"Hi." I said. My voice was barely above a whisper.

Anthony instantly turned around to see who was talking to him. Then he saw my face. He froze as he stared into my eyes for a long time. I wish I knew what he was thinking. I just hope he still isn't upset with me. The last thing I needed was to have _everyone _walk away from me.

But that was just what Anthony did. He looked at me for a few more seconds, then shook his head. He broke gazes from me, turned on his heel and walked away. I felt my heart drop.

"Anthony!" I called.

But he just continued to walk.

I exhaled deeply, trying my best to get rid of this hurtful feeling inside me. What is it about me, that's made everyone hate me so much? All I've done was try and protect myself, but no one understood me. Everyone treated me like I was some sort of criminal, like I did something wrong.

My eyes followed Anthony. He was still walking away. I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration. "Anthony!" I called. But with the distance between us, it was impossible for him to hear me. I groaned, and without realizing, I broke out into a run.

I ran, trying to follow where he had gone to. My feet led me out the college doors, and into the courtyard. And there, walking across the pathway on the grassy field, was Anthony. I decided not to call his name, because he would know I was following him. And so before Anthony could get any farther, I sprinted to him. My feet were aching because I was wearing high heel boots, but I didn't care. Once I was within a foot away from him, I stopped.

"Anthony!" I yelled.

And this time, he turned around. He looked at me once more, glaring at me, his eyes full of hatred.

I tried catching my breathing, trying to ignore the pain in my feet. "Please." I said. "C-Can we talk?"

"What do you want?" He shot.

It hurt to hear him say that. "Anthony, can we talk?" I asked.

"No." He said.

"Please!" I exclaimed. "I-I want to talk to you. Can you just listen to me?"

He shook his head. "Brittany, when I walked away from you that night, I really meant it."

My heart clenched. "I'm sorry." I said quietly.

Anthony sighed. "When you told me you didn't love me, I was hurt." He fired. "And I am still hurt, which is saying a lot, since that happened over a month ago!"

I didn't say anything after that for a long time. I knew Anthony was still mad at me, but I just wish he would listen to me. I didn't need another fight. I've fought with everyone I cared about, and that was enough to last me a lifetime. And like Anthony said, it happened over a month ago, and he was still hurt. And now, looking at his face for the first time since that night, made me begin to hurt inside too.

I took small steps towards him. "Anthony, I am so sorry." I whispered.

Anthony said nothing. He turned away from me. "Why are you apologizing to me now? Why now, after we haven't spoken to each other since that night when I told you about my feelings for you?"

I gulped, unable to answer him.

"You made it clear that you didn't love me. I just made a fool out of myself for actually falling for you." He fired.

I felt tears rise up. The words Anthony spoke, and the anger and sadness he was showing reminded me of myself. Every part of it reminded me of myself and everything that has happened with Alvin. I knew how Anthony was feeling. I knew what he was thinking and I knew he was hurt. It's been over a month since that night Anthony and I have fought, but it was clear that he hasn't let go of it yet.

Like me. As much as I am trying to forget about Alvin Seville, a part of me can't let go.

"I-I'm sorry." I said.

He just looked at me, and shook his head in disbelief. "Forget about it. It doesn't matter."

"It does matter!" I exclaimed. I looked into his eyes. "I truly am sorry."

"Okay. You're sorry." He said simply, but I knew he was still hurt. "What do you want me to do about it?"

"I-I-I..." I stuttered, unable to find words to say. I sighed. "Just forgive me."

He didn't say anything for about 10 seconds. "Why should I?"

I felt my inner self collapse. His words rung in my ears, mixed in with all the other words and things other people have said to me. 'You're a liar' 'You're selfish!'. Every single hurtful statement burned through me. Why was everyone against me? What did I do to deserve this? Why was my life falling apart? Everyone was acting so mean, and it hurt me to know that everyone was mad at me for different reasons.

Was I really that cruel?

I looked away from him, feeling my throat close up. "Just forgive me, please. I know you're hurt, but I want you to know that I'm sorry. So please..." I took a deep breath. "Forgive me."

I needed to feel better. I needed something to make me feel better, anything to make me feel better before I explode with all this guilt and self hatred I was swimming in. I was hating myself enough, knowing that I was lonely, and that everyone hated me.

"Fine. I forgive you." He said. But once he said it, I didn't feel satisfied with myself. It wasn't enough. I was still burning in this guilt and stupidity. He continued. "But what difference does it make? I'm still hurt from what you did to me."

I couldn't take it anymore. "And that's why I wanted to talk to you. I _needed _to talk to you."

"For what?" He shot. "I thought this whole 'thing' between us was over. We both made ourselves clear, didn't we?"

"Just listen to me!" I exclaimed. "Can't you see how bad I feel? I feel terrible about hurting you. I feel guilty, okay?

He seemed to have dodged what I just said. "Look, I was hurt to know that you've been using me to get over your feelings and whatever." He said. "What do you think of me? Stupid or something? I'm not gonna let you do that to me again."

My heart felt bruised. "Anthony, I was stupid for hurting you, alright? I admit it. Everything I did was stupid. I-"

"Especially when you lied to my face, saying that you had feelings for me!" He fired. "And then when I tell you that I love you, you completely turn me down by telling me that you never had feelings for me! Why did you lie?"

_Lie_. That word stung and slashed every nerve and cell in my body. I didn't need to be called a liar again.

"I know I've asked you this before, but really." He said, clearly angry. "Why did you tell me that stuff if it wasn't true?"

"I don't know!" I said. "Anthony, I've said this a trillion times, but I am so sorry. What do you want me to do to make you believe me?"

He just sighed and turned away in annoyance.

I was tired of this. I said nothing to him, and just glared at him through hurt eyes. I thought I was done fighting after what happened between me, Alvin and my sisters. I didn't want to fight with Anthony again. It was like a reverse role. Just last week, it was me, getting emotionally hurt by Alvin. But now, it was Anthony getting emotionally hurt by me. I never knew I could hate myself so much, but I had just learned it right now. Maybe I _do _deserve being called a liar and being called selfish. I mean, no one cared about me, so why should I care about myself?

"Anthony, we're friends." I whispered.

"No. Friends don't use other friends to get away from their problems." He said. "Do you know how much it hurt me to know you were using me?"

I sighed and looked at him, trying to ignore the cold December wind. "It was a mistake." I admitted. "All of that was a mistake."

Anthony said nothing.

"Anthony, I've said this before. Yeah, I admit that I was using you at first, but when we became friends, I totally forgot about it!" I said.

"But either way, you were using me." He said.

"And it was a stupid idea!" I exclaimed. I sighed and looked away. "When I did that, I thought I was doing the right thing for myself. But I was wrong. I have never been so wrong in my life. I can't believe how stupid I was, acting like that. I never meant to hurt your feelings. But when you told me you loved me, I just couldn't."

"When I told you I loved you, I meant it." He said. "I honestly did mean it, Brittany."

I sighed. "I know you did, but-"

"But when you told me you loved someone else, it made me feel like crap." He said.

I had enough of all this self pain I was feelng. "And I'm sorry!" I said for the millionth time.

"I felt like a fool." He said quietly, but still angrily. "I should have known it was him all along. It was so obvious it was Alvin."

My blood began to boil under my freezing cold skin. But I had nothing to say to that. I didn't know what to say. My mind was full of hatred towards Alvin, I couldn't find the words to speak.

"Do you know how embarrassed I was? Knowing that you were in love with Alvin all along? It made me feel stupid. I knew you and Alvin were so close, and just thinking that I had a chance with you made me feel like a complete idiot." Anthony said. "I just couldn't believe I didn't see it. I couldn't believe I didn't see how you were using me to get to Alvin."

Hearing Alvin's name again set me off. My blood began to boil even more, sending waves of anger through my body. My fingers were trembling. "I was wrong."

Anthony turned to me.

I sighed. "I was wrong about Alvin." I said, trying my best not to dig my nails into my palms when I said his name. "I was wrong about him all this time."

It was quiet between us for 10 seconds, before Anthony said, "What are you talking about?"

I shook my head, and looked at Anthony through misty eyes. "I'm sorry for everything." I whispered weakly. "What I did to you, hurting you, and letting you walk away...that was the biggest mistake I've ever made in my life."

Anthony just stood there, looking at me while I stared at him back.

I sighed deeply. "It was wrong to do that to you because you were the one guy who I could turn to. I couldn't even turn to my sisters, or A-Alvin." I said. "You were the only guy I could turn to when I had no one. I could talk to you about anything, more than I could when I was with Alvin, which is saying something because I've told him basically everything in my life."

I felt sick and dizzy, yet extremely heart broken when I spoke about Alvin.

Anthony just stood there, listening to me.

"And it was wrong of me to let you go." I whispered.

After a moment of silence, Anthony said, "What are you trying to say?" He asked quietly.

I looked straight into his eyes. "I'm trying to say that I-I miss you!" I exclaimed. "I miss you, okay? Ever since that night when we fought, I had no one to turn to. I had no one to talk to. It felt like I just lost a friend forever. Anthony, I miss the times when we hung out after class, and how you would listen to everything I say. I mean, no one does that anymore. Ever since that night when you told me you loved me, I was lonely. I had no one." My voice was beginning to break.

But every single word I was telling Anthony was true. Anthony was the definition of a true friend. I knew he cared about me. Jeanette and Eleanor were always so busy, that I hardly had time to talk to them. And the _other boy_, my bestfriend, seemed so distant from me now, it was as if I couldn't tell him anything anymore. But it was different with Anthony. I could talk to him about anything, and I could laugh and smile and have a good time. But I just let that slip through my fingers, and that's why I was like this - lonely and insecure, because I let Anthony walk out on me.

But deep inside, I was screaming. I remember asking Alvin why he chose Victoria, a girl he just met, over me - the girl he has known all his life. But I think I understand now. The same reason applies to me, why I think I choose Anthony, a boy I just met, over Alvin - a boy I've known all my life.

"No one?" Asked Anthony. "What about your sisters?"

I tried my best not to leak tears as I thought about Eleanor and Jeanette. They still don't want to talk to me, or see me, and it just hurts. I shook my head. "It's not the same." I whispered truthfully. "Anthony, it's different with you."

"How?" He asked quietly.

I sighed. "I don't know, it just is. Like I said, there's something about you that makes it different than my own sisters."

Anthony said nothing for a while. But after half a minute or so, he asked, "When you say you were wrong about Alvin, what do you mean?"

I kept my mouth shut for a long minute. I looked away from Anthony, and exhaled through my nose. "Everything. I was wrong about him. I've known him for 15 years, and I thought he would always be there for me, like he has been over the past 15 years of me knowing him. But he's changed. I was wrong about him from the very start. I was so stupid for falling in love with him."

"Now you know how it feels, falling for someone who doesn't love you back." Anthony said quietly.

I looked at him. "W-What-"

He sighed. "Brittany, I know about him and Victoria. Alvin's my roommate, and I can hear him talking on the phone with her all the time."

I felt my heart sink. I took a deep breath. I was afraid to ask my next question, but I just had to know. "What did you hear?" I asked, my voice getting smaller.

Anthony sighed again. "He told her about how you told him you loved him." He paused. "And how he said that he didn't love you."

I closed my eyes, feeling and seeing everything of that heart-wrenching memory come back into my mind.

When I didn't say anything, Anthony spoke up quietly. "It hurts, doesn't it?"

I just nodded. I was weak on the inside, unable to wrap my mind around everything. But I sighed. "You heard that?"

Anthony nodded. "Yeah."

I just shook my head, while looking at the cemented sidewalk we were standing on. "That's why I made a mistake about him. He made it so clear that he's in love with Victoria, but I just couldn't accept it. I was so in love with Alvin, that I was hurting myself by continuing to love him, when he didn't love me."

"Do you still feel the same for him?" He asked.

I said nothing for a long time. I closed my eyes, asking myself the question. _Do _I still have feelings for Alvin? After all he's done and said to me? He already proved to me that he doesn't love me. I opened my eyes to look at Anthony. "No."

But I felt a part of me die when I said it.

"Oh." He said.

I turned away and stared at the leafless trees in the distance. "Alvin means nothing to me anymore." I whispered.

Anthony followed my gaze, then looked back at me. "You don't seem so sure about that, though."

I looked at Anthony. I wanted Alvin out of my head, my heart and out of my life. I had enough of him. "He means nothing." I repeated. "He's hurt me so many times. Because of him, I've cried so many times and I've hurt myself by loving him too much. But I'm over it. I don't want to go through it again. I don't love him anymore, and he's not my friend anymore. We'll never be friends again."

But it tore me up inside. I was saying these things, but did I really mean them?

Anthony just looked at me. "You mean that, don't you."

I nodded without hesitation.

There was silence between us once again. The quietness and stillness lingered for about 2 minutes. But in those 2 minutes, my mind was overloaded with thoughts. There was something about Anthony that made me feel happy inside and out. He knew how to make me laugh and smile, and I knew how to have fun and let loose around him. Before college, those were just some of the things I knew how to do with Alvin. But not anymore. Alvin is out of my life. But with Anthony, he made me feel like myself again, like I had nothing to hide or anything. And I missed being able to talk to him. I missed everything. And it tore me up to know the damage I had done between us.

I kept my gaze away from him, but I had the strength to speak. "I'm sorry for all I've done." I whispered.

Anthony sighed deeply. "It's okay."

I waited a few more seconds before asking him a question that made my heart skip a beat. "Do...Do you still have feelings for me?" I whispered.

I felt him turn to me. He said nothing for a long, long time. But after a few seconds more, he sighed. "Yes."

I looked at him.

"I've always had, Brittany." He said. "Even though you've hurt me, I knew I still felt something for you."

I felt dizzy with all these thoughts and emotions. Silence dripped upon us again. I listened to the soft sounds of the wind flying through the trees, while my heart sped up.

When I didn't say anything, Anthony sighed. "D-Do _you _feel something for me?" He asked. He sounded afraid to ask, but he did, and to be honest, I was impressed.

I pondered on that question for a while. _Do _I have feelings for Anthony? Anthony has been the sweetest guy I've known, and he's been nothing but a friend to me. And I was the ass who broke his heart, even though he didn't deserve it. He has been everything that Alvin was before we turned against each other. It was hard to tell myself that Anthony has replaced Alvin, but in a way, it was true. He treats me better. Anthony has done everything to make me happy, while Alvin just stood there, breaking my heart. I knew what I had to say. I knew I had to do the right thing. And this time, I wasn't going to lie.

"Yes." I said.

Anthony looked at me. He said nothing for a while. "You do?" He asked.

I nodded. "And I promise, I'm telling the truth." I said, and I truly was.

Anthony sighed, and smiled faintly. "Oh. Well, um..."

I looked at him. "So, do you forgive me?" I asked.

He nodded.

The two of us just stood there, and looked at each other for a long time. It felt like an hour, but in reality, it was only a minute.

Finally, Anthony smiled at me.

I smiled back, feeling myself glow. I have never felt this happy, ever. To know that there is someone who didn't hate me, made me feel alive again. I walked over to him, and hugged him. And for the first time in a long time, I felt safe. I didn't want to let go. Anthony wrapped his arms around me too. "I'm sorry for everything I've done." I whispered.

"It's okay." He said quietly. "So, I guess this means we're together?"

I smiled to myself and nodded. "Yeah, we are." I said softly. I pulled away and looked him in the face. I sighed and waited a few seconds before continuing. "Do you have something you wanna say to me?"

He raised his eyebrows. "What?"

I laughed lightly. "Well, you said it to me before."

Anthony looked confused for a few seconds before realizing what I meant. "Wait, really?" He asked, and I nodded. He laughed lightly, sighed, then said, "I love you, Brittany."

And this time, I felt myself melt on the inside. I looked up into Anthony's eyes. "I love you too." I whispered.

* * *

**BULLSHIZ D:**

**Well, how was that for a chapter, huh? So, do you guys think Brittany really let Alvin out of her life for good? And what's gonna happen next, now that Brittany and Anthony are together? What'll happen if Alvin finds out? But will Alvin care?**

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	34. Unexpected visit

One month later...

It's been a month since Anthony and I got together. And I can truly say that I love him, like he loves me. We've spent almost every day with each other. We'd hang out after class, help each other on our homework, go on dates on the weekends, and just chill with each other during our free time. And for the first time in a long, long time, I was happy. When I hung out with Anthony, he made me feel special - something I haven't felt, ever.

The comparison between the girl I am today, to the girl I was last month, had a huge difference. I forgot the feeling of being heartbroken, and I knew that with Anthony, I will never experience it again. I'm happy, and I love him.

And he knows how to treat me well. He is the sweetest, most caring guy I've met, and I never felt lonely anymore. He assured me that he will always be there for me, and I know I can trust him.

And as I said, it's been a month. And despite how alive I felt with Anthony, there was still a piece inside of me that was scarred from all the tears and heartbreaks I've experienced before. It's been a month since I've spoken to my sisters. I expected them to forgive me after a week or 2, but no. They still gave me the silent treatment. Eleanor was still in the hospital, but I heard she was getting out in a few days. I really wanted to go visit her, but what's the point? She and Jeanette still gave me the cold shoulder.

But there was still one more thing on my mind.

It's been a month since I last saw and spoke to Alvin Seville. I tried my best to get him out of my head, but that was literally impossible. Everywhere I turn, everything I see and hear reminds me of him, and I don't know why. I let him out of my life for good, didn't I? He doesn't mean anything to me, so why can't I forget about him?

It is now January. It's the beginning of a new year and a beginning of a new me. But what really hurt me was the fact that my sisters and I spent Christmas and New Years apart. I mean, we have never celebrated anything without each other. But Eleanor is still in the hospital, with Jeanette by her side. My heart ached, wishing I had spent it with them, but like I said, what was the point of doing so, if they treated me like I don't exsist?

But I guess it's okay. I spent Christmas and New Years with Anthony, anyway. He gave me a beautiful silver heart pendant necklace with a pink diamond in the middle. I remember the moment he gave it to me. I remember feeling my heart flutter when he put it around my neck. And in that moment, right after he clasped it closed, Anthony and I had our first kiss.

_It was Christmas Eve, and he took the two of us out to dinner. We just finished moment ago, and we were waiting for our bill. Anthony surprised me by taking out a silver box from his pocket, and giving it to me. I gasped when I saw the necklace._

_"Anthony, it's beautiful." I whispered._

_Anthony, who was sitting right beside me, smiled. "Not as beautiful as you." He teased._

_I felt my cheeks heat up. I touched the necklace lightly. "I love it." I said._

_"Well, I'm glad you do." He answered._

_I sighed and looked into his eyes. "I love you." I said._

_Anthony smiled even bigger. "I love you too." He said._

And right after he put the necklace around my neck, we leaned into each other until our lips lightly touched, and kissed. It was the most romantic and most magical night in my life. I wore my necklace everyday, just to show Anthony how much he means to me. I mean, a silly necklace doesn't even explain how much he means to me. I just wish it didn't remind me of that other boy, when _he_was the one I cared about, trusted, and loved...

NO! What the hell am I doing? I promised myself not to talk or think about Alvin Seville. He means nothing to me anymore. He will never mean anything to me, never ever again.

I let go of all my thoughts, and snapped back to reality. The final bell just rung, meaning that class was finally over. I gathered up all my things, stuffed them in my bag, swung it over my shoulder, and walked out the door. And there, waiting for me at the side of the door like he always does, was Anthony.

"Hey." He said, smiling at me.

"You know, one day, _I'll_ be the one waiting for you." I said when I reached him.

He laughed lightly. "Can't wait to see that. You take forever to pack up all your things."

I rolled my eyes. "How do you get here so fast anyway?" I asked.

"My classroom is just 2 doors down, remember?" Anthony asked. "It's not that hard to walk 20 steps to get here."

I smiled and rolled my eyes playfully. "Well, sorry." I said teasingly, before I began to walk.

Anthony followed me, and once he matched his walking pace with mine, he wrapped an arm around me. "So, how was class?"

"Same old boring stuff." I said. "Nothing special. What about you?"

He said nothing for a while, but after a few seconds or so, he finally said, "Well, today I learned that I'm going on a trip."

"What?" I blurted out.

Anthony laughed. "Relax. It's just a small trip. My teacher talked to our class today and told us we were flying to Florida for this Science and Math program thing."

"Oh." I said. "When is it? How long are you staying?"

"Next week, and we're staying there for 1 and a half weeks." Said Anthony.

I frowned. "1 and a half weeks? That's way too long!"

He laughed. "Gonna miss me?"

I sighed. "Yes." I said. But then I shrugged. "But I think it's a good idea that you go. It sounds like a great opportunity."

"Are you sure?" He asked.

"Of course. Even though I'm gonna miss you, I want you to go. It's a good chance for your future. I know how much you love your nerdy science and math stuff." I teased.

He nudged me playfully before slipping his arm off my shoulder to hold my hand. "And besides, it's not that long. Before you know it, I'll be back." He said.

I smiled. "So you're leaving next week?"

He nodded. "Yeah. My teacher gave us a whole bunch of forms to read and sign for this trip, so I need to get started on them."

"And you need to get a start on packing." I said.

He laughed. "I'm only gone for 10 days. I don't need to pack everything. I'm not like you." He joked.

"Ha ha." I said dryly, but I smiled at him to tell him I was just kidding.

We continued to walk across the grassy field that separated the college building from the dorm room section, until we got to the dorm building. We walked inside, up the stairs to our floor, and down the hallway to our dorm rooms.

"I'd invite you inside, but I have a ton of homework, I need to take a shower, and I really want to take a nap. I woke up at 5 this morning, and haven't had a single ounce of sleep since then." I muttered.

Anthony smiled and said, "Don't worry. I have a lot of things to do too." He let go of my hand and looked me in the eyes. "So, see you tomorrow?"

I smiled and nodded. I reached up and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. "Bye." I said before he smiled at me one more time, and turned around to walk into his dorm room.

I opened the door, closed it behind me, walked into the kitchen, threw my bag on top of the counter, grabbed a can of Root Beer from the fridge and sat down at the table. I sighed. I was extremely tired, but I also had a ton of homework to do, and I needed to get started before I fall behind - again. As I took a sip from my soda, I opened up my bag, grabbed my textbook and started my work. Halfway through, I was beginning to feel bored, so I decided that I should take a break.

Victoria wasn't home yet, thank goodness. But even if she was, it would have made no difference because we both acted like the other wasn't there. And why should I? She was the whole reason why my life broke apart before. But I don't care anymore. That was the old me. I was a new girl. I was happy, and I had a guy who treated me the right way. I still knew about Victoria's secret boyfriend, of course. But I told myself that it didn't matter. She lied to me and her own 'boyfriend', and Alvin believed her. The two of them don't concern me anymore. Before, I was afraid that Alvin would get hurt by her if he found out the truth. But now, I hope he gets what he deserves.

And Jeanette wasn't home either. But like Victoria, my own sister did everything to avoid me. It hurts, but I wasn't going to give in. If my sister wants to talk to me again, then she can do it herself. I'm not gonna be the one who says something first. And Eleanor; even though she was still in the hospital, I haven't seen her since that time I went to visit her, and I haven't heard a single word from her. I haven't heard anything, saying that she wanted to see me or something. I guess she didn't forgive me yet either.

Although I miss my sisters like crazy, I understand why they haven't forgiven me for over a month. They were right. I was selfish for leaving, but to be honest, my sisters were being selfish themselves for not wanting to listen to my side of the story. And they have the nerve to tell me to leave?

But like I said, that was the old me. I was a new girl. Never again would I cry my heart out, never again will I argue with hatred in my veins, never again will I be called a 'Liar' or 'Selfish', and never again will I be lonely and heartbroken.

After I regained my thoughts, I shut my textbook close and stuck it back in my bag. I decided I'll put it off til later. I stood up, tossed my empty soda can in the recycling, and made my way to my bedroom. Once I was in my bedroom, I flopped down onto my bed and sighed. I turned my head to look at Victoria's side of the room, and rolled my eyes. I looked up and stared at the ceiling. I just laid there, looking up for a long time, feeling relaxed with an empty mind, until I heard noises coming from the other side of the door.

I sat up, and listened hard. It sounded like someone was coming in through the door, mixed in with shuffling and faint voices.

I got up, and pressed my ear to the door and listened hard. I heard the door close shut, followed by soft voices. It was a female's voice, but it was too quiet to distinguish who it belonged to. I knew it was either Victoria or Jeanette. I mean, who else could it be? But it sounded like more than one voice.

And because I was stupidly curious, I slowly swung the door open to see who the voices belonged to. And once I did, I saw them. I gasped, and swung the door fully open to look at the 2 of them. I didn't give a care in the world right now. I just wanted to look at the both of them.

There, stood Jeanette - and Eleanor.

It's been a long time since the 3 of us have been in the same room together. The last time we were, we fought and argued, acting more like enemies than sisters. And I knew they were still mad at me, but I couldn't look away. My heart began to race. Eleanor was back, she's finally back. After spending all those weeks in the hospital, she was back home.

Once they heard me open the door, they turned their heads towards my direction, and finally caught my gaze.

I knew they were still mad, but I've missed them so much, that I didn't give a damn if they wanted to ignore me. I was just so relieved to see the two of them again. Slowly, I walked out of my bedroom and into the living room, just a few feet away from where they stood. We looked at each other for a while before I decided to say something first.

"Eleanor." I said quietly. "You're back."

She sighed to herself, but cracked a small smile. "Yeah, I am."

I cleared my throat. "How are you feeling?" I asked.

"Much better." She answered. "I'm so glad to be home."

I forced a smile. "Yeah, I'm happy you're back too."

Then silence fell upon us. I sighed deeply. I needed to go against what I said about not talking to my sisteres if they didn't want to talk to me, because I can't take another day of this. They're my little sisters, my best friends. And I need them, and I miss them. And this fight between us has got to end.

"How are you guys?" I asked.

Jeanette smiled. "Fine." She said, and it was quiet for a few more seconds before she cleared her throat. "Um, we got you something."

I looked at her, confused. "What?"

Jeanette looked away, looking guilty. "Well, we got you something." She said again. "I mean, you weren't there with us during Christmas, a-and it didn't feel right. It felt so weird to be celebrating Christmas in the hospital with your little sister, but it felt even weirder to spend it without the 3 of us together." She sighed. "So Eleanor and I got you a late Christmas gift."

I suddenly felt tears rise up in my eyes. I looked at the 2 of them. "You guys didn't have to get me anything."

Jeanette smiled, and walked over to me. She reached into her pocket, pulled out a black velvety box and handed it into my palm. "Open it. I think you'll recognize it."

I looked at the black box for a second before opening it. I gasped. There, lying graciously in the box was a gold chained bracelet. But this bracelet meant more to me than you can imagine. "Oh my gosh..." I whispered. I looked at my sisters. They were both smiling. "How did you-"

"We asked Aunt Sylvia to get it for you." Answered Eleanor.

Jeantte sighed and she smiled. "Miss Miller wanted you to have it."

I looked down at the bracelet again. This bracelet was Miss Miller's favorite piece of jewelry. Our mother only wore this to special events because it was too precious to wear as an everyday thing. But what really made it special was the history that went along with it. It use to belong to Miss Miller's grandmother, then her mother, then to our Aunt Sylvia, then to her. And now, it's mine.

"But why me?" I whispered.

Eleanor giggled lightly. "Because you're the oldest, of course. And besides..." She took the bracelet and hooked it around my left wrist. "It looks so pretty on you."

I didn't look at the bracelet on my wrist, because my eyes were starting to get misty with tears. I looked at my sisters, who were looking at me back. My lips began to tremble, and before I knew it, I pulled my sisters into my arms and embraced them like I never had before. My eyes released the tears when I felt them hug me back.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

They pulled away from me, and I saw that they were crying too. But they managed to smile behind those tears. "We're sorry too." Said Jeanette. "We were so mean to you, and so unforgiving, it didn't even occur to us that we had hurt you."

I shook my head, "No, it's my fault. I was the one who selflessly ran away. You two had every right to be angry with me."

Eleanor sighed. "We were all wrong." She said. "But let's just forget about that now, please? The important thing is that we're together again."

I nodded. "But just promise me that we'll never fight like that again. I mean, we haven't spoken to each other in a month." I said quietly.

Jeanette nodded and smiled. "Just as long as you promise us not to run away again without telling us."

I laughed lighlty. "I promise." I said before hugging them again. Words could not describe the feelings I was feeling, knowing that my sisters forgave me. I've missed them with all my heart, and I was so glad that this fight was over and done with. I looked at the two of them. "I've missed you guys so much."

"We missed you too. Maybe even more." Said Eleanor.

I laughed, knowing that it was impossible. If only my sisters knew how much hell I've put myself through ever since we stopped talking...but like Eleanor said, it was over. The 3 of us are back together again, back as best friends, back as sisters.

After a moment of silence, Eleanor decided to change the subject. "Well, anyway, I'm starving. Do you know how much I miss real food? They've been feeding me the same crap everyday when I was in the hosptal, and I am craving for something with flavour!" She exclaimed, before dashing into the kitchen.

Jeanette and I just laughed as we followed her. We all sat at the table. After hunting through the fridge, Eleanor got out a slice of cold pizza, a piece of apple pie, a granola bar and a cup of milk. Jeanette and I stared at her in amazement for a long time, saying nothing at first.

"Wow, you must be really hungry." I said.

Eleanor looked at me. "Don't judge." She said jokingly.

I laughed. It felt so good to be with my sisters again. I was so happy I could talk to them again, and so glad all this anger and arguement was lost and forgetten. We began to talk for the next 2 minutes as Eleanor continued to satisfy her stomach, when something caught Jeanette's eye.

"Oh, cute necklace." She said, looking at the silver chain around my neck. "Where'd you get it?"

I froze for a moment. That's when I remembered that Jeanette and Eleanor had no idea what I've gone through with Alvin, Victoria and Anthony. They were unaware about the last fight Alvin and I had, and they were unaware that I was with Anthony. I didn't know if I should tell them, but again, why wouldn't I? It's not like it's a bad thing, right?

"Anthony gave it to me." I said quietly, and once I did, Eleanor dropped her fork, and Jeanette's mouth fell open.

"WHAT?" Exclaimed Jeanette. "Why?"

I didn't say anything for a moment, but then I sighed. "Well, because I'm going out with him..."

Eleanor gasped. She stared at me for a long time before saying, "Wait. So are you telling us that he's your BOYFRIEND?"

I said nothing, but nodded. They both gasped in shock. I knew what they were thinking. The last time we had a talk, they knew how in love I was with Alvin, and how everything with Anthony was a total mistake. But now, learning that I'm dating Anthony, and not even mentioning Alvin, put them in utter surprisement.

"How did that happen?" Asked Jeanette.

I was about to answer, but Eleanor cut me off before I had the chance to. "B-But, I thought - w-we thought..."

I understood what Eleanor was trying to say. "No." I said. "Not anymore."

My sisters stared at me in even more shock. I sighed. I would be surprised if I was in their place too. They knew how heart-wrenchingly in love I was with Alvin. So how in the world did I manage to get rid of my feelings for him this quickly?

"Britt, how?" Jeanette asked quietly.

I sighed again, knowing that I had to tell them. Without wasting another moment, I told them. I spoke very quietly and calmly, trying not to think about him as I spoke. I told them about the day when I came back from my 'disappearance', and how Alvin came over to talk to me, and how he was furious and angry, and how Victoria came back to the dorm, and how the 3 of us fought, and how Alvin took her side in the end. My sisters said nothing after hearing my story. My heart was jumping up and down, but I tried my best to stay calm.

"So you told him about Victoria's other boyfriend..." Eleanor said quietly. "But he didn't believe you?" I nodded my head and she sighed. "I can't believe him."

My heart twisted again - something I haven't felt in a long time. Why is it that everytime I think about Alvin, my heart shatters? I'm with Anthony, and I love him. So why is my heart acting like I stll have feelings for Alvin? _Do _I still have feelings for Alvin?

But I shook my head. "Whatever. I don't care anymore." I said quietly. "Alvin doesn't matter to me. He took her side. But I'm with Anthony now, and I can't be any better. The only mistake I regret is falling in love with Alvin in the first place."

Jeanette and Eleanor looked at each other before looking back at me. I could tell what they were thinking, and they were thinking that it was a bad idea.

Jeanette sighed. "Brittany, look. I'm glad that you've been happy with Anthony, but do you think that it's a good idea?"

I nodded. "Yes. I know it is, Jeanette. He cares about me." I said quietly.

"But are you sure it isn't a way to forget about Alvin?" Eleanor asked softly, but seriously.

I didn't say anything. I knew what they were trying to say, but I just can't accept this. All this time, I thought my life has turned back up again. I was happy with Anthony. But could my sisters be right? After all this time, thinking I had let Alvin out of my life for good, I'm now asking myself if it's still true. _Did_ I let him out of my life forever? Do I still feel something for him? Did I even let him go?

I gulped. "I'm sure." I whispered. "I love Anthony."

But when I said it, something just didn't feel right.

* * *

One week later...

I had my arms wrapped tightly around Anthony. "Don't go..." I said.

He kissed the top of my head. "I'll be back soon." He said.

I frowned. "But still..."

Today was the day Anthony was leaving for his Science and Math program in Florida. Yeah, I knew he was only gone for a week and a half, but like I said, I'm going to miss him.

He pulled away from me and looked at me in the eyes. "I have to go now." He said softly.

"I miss you already." I said, still frowning.

He laughed lightly. "You're so cute." He said.

I sighed, and looked behind him and saw the rest of his class loading into the bus. "Now go, before I change my mind." I joked, as I unwrapped my arms from him. "Have fun, and be safe."

He gave me one last kiss before heading towards the bus, and going in. I watched as the bus finally drove away, and once it disappeared over the road, I sighed. I was alone, yet again. My sisters went to class early, and I only had 1 hour to prepare for class, so I went back upstairs to my dorm room to get ready. I took a quick shower, stuck a plain piece of bread in my mouth for breakfast, and changed into a new set of clothes. Victoria, not wanting to be within a meter of me, left early as well.

But as I was quickly tying up my hair, I heard a knock coming from the front door. It couldn't be my sisters, or Victoria because they had the key to this place, and they were out to class. So who could possibly be knocking? But I got up anyway, and walked to the door. I twisted the lock, and swung the door open. There, stood a boy with dark brown hair and emerald green eyes.

He looked at me, and by his facial expressions, I could tell that I wasn't who he was expecting. "Um, hello." He said.

I raised my eyebrows. "Hi." I answered. "Are you looking for someone?"

"Yeah. Does Victoria live here?" He asked.

I felt like puking when I heard her name, but I nodded. "Yeah, she does." I said, trying not to make the rudeness in my voice too obvious.

"Is she here right now?" The boy asked.

I shook my head. "No. She already left for class." I said.

"Damn. I drove all the way up here to visit her. I guess I'll just wait until she gets back." The boy said.

And that's when it hit me. I froze. "Wait, who are you?" I asked, even though I had a strong feeling who he was.

The green eyed boy smiled. "I'm Daniel, her boyfriend."

* * *

**OMG! With Daniel in the story now, what's gonna happen? Will Alvin ever find out? And does Brittany still feel something for Alvin?**

**And Jeanette and Eleanor finally forgave Brittany! Yay :)**

**Thanks so much for reading guys! You are all so awesome :D And PLEASE review! Thank you!**


	35. Secrets that can't be kept

I stood there, shocked. The green eyed boy, Daniel, just stared at me weirdly. But I couldn't say or do anything, I was in deep utter shock. When he introduced himself just seconds ago, my heart felt like it had come to a halt. But now, it was as fast as the flutter of a hummingbird's wings.

I couldn't believe it. It's Victoria's real boyfriend. Well, the word 'real' is an understatement, but whatever. The guy she chose first, the guy she decided to cheat on was standing face to face with me. After all those tears and heartbreaks I've gotten from Alvin, all that feeling or hurt and disbelief of being called a liar...

But it felt so surreal, almost impossible in a way. The one guy who stood between me, Victoria and Alvin, was standing right in front of me. It was all the proof I had wanted, proving that I was telling the truth all along, and not Victoria. It was never Victoria.

"Her boyfriend?" I asked, as if I was unsure.

"Uh, yeah." He said.

I don't know why I was feeling this, but I was feeling somewhat happy and...relieved? What the hell? Why? After a whole month of leaving every feeling I've felt for Alvin, why is it suddenly coming back? Why am I feeling like my old insecure self again? I thought I made it clear to myself when I said that Alvin was nothing to me anymore. Just an old distant memory of what should have been, and could have been, something else...

We were best friends since we were 5, we spent out whole lives together, grew up together and at one point, fell in love with each other without the other one knowing. But now, after he fell in love with another girl, he's proven to me that everything we've been through was pointless and that it had meant absolutely nothing.

And after sticking up for his lying two timing cheat of a girlfriend and calling me a liar, it told me that the friendship we've had for the past 15 years of knowing each other was gone forever. He chose his girfriend over me - the gril who would do anything to protect him, the girl who knows him and trusts him.

The girl who loves him...

Do I still love Alvin? After a month of being with Anthony, and being happy and feeling like myself again, do I still feel something for the boy who murdered my heart and feelings? Just like my sisters said, is being with Anthony just a way to forget about Alvin?

Did I even forget about him at all?

But before I could answer my own question, Daniel cleared his throat. I snapped back into reality and looked at him. He was still looking at me, as if expecting me to say something. I felt my cheeks heat up in embarrassment. I must have spaced out - again.

"Uh, sorry." I said. "You were saying?"

Daniel shook his head. "Nothing. Um, you mentioned that Victoria already left for class, right?"

"Yeah." I said.

"Okay then, nevermind. Sorry for disturbing you. I guess I'll just come back when she returns from class." Daniel said abruptly.

"Wait." I blurted out without knowing. Then I gulped, asking myself what the hell did I just do? Dammit, what do I do next? He's waiting for me to say something!

"Yeah?" Asked Daniel.

I sighed before saying the first and only thing that popped into my mind. "Why don't you come in for a while." I said. "If you want, I'll take you to Victoria's class afterwards."

Daniel smiled. "Really?"

I smiled back. But to me, it was more of an evil, sinister-like smile. "Of course. I bet she's gonna be so surprised to see you." I said as sweetly as I could possibly make my voice sound.

"Thanks." He said.

"No problem." I said, stepping to the side to let him enter. "Come in. I'm Brittany, by the way. Victoria's my roommate."

But trust me, it took all of my inner strength to try and sound nice when I spoke about Victoria. When I listened to myself talk, I found it weird, since I have never spoken about Victoria this way before. Yeah, even though I know I'm faking it, it still sounded weird to say Victoria's name without adding an insult or something.

"Really? Cool. Nice to meet you, Brittany." Said Daniel.

I closed the door behind him and followed him into the living room, where he sat on one of the couches, and where I sat on the sofa across from it. There was pure silence for a moment. It was getting pretty awkward, and I didn't know how to start.

"Can I get you anything?" I asked.

"No thanks." He said, then he looked at me. "Um, correct me if I'm wrong, but shouldn't you be in class?"

I froze. I began to swear multiple times in my head. How the hell did I forget? I mean, I was getting ready for class just moments ago. But I guess when it got interrupted by Daniel's sudden appearance, it completely left my mind. But should I go to class? My mind made itself up before I could answer myself - no. Skipping one day of class won't kill me. And besides, I was feeling a bit on the revengeful side today. I can't afford to miss the look on Victoria's face when she sees her two 'boyfriends' face to face with each other.

The bitch has a LOT of explaining to do.

I shook my head. "Not today." I lied.

"Oh." He said, and he sat back. "So, how is Victoria?"

I bit my tongue to prevent myself from saying anything rude. But I told myself to just hang on because it'll all be worth it at the end when Victoria's secret is finally exposed. So I just had to fake talk about how I thought about Victoria, just for today. I didn't want Daniel to see me as rude. I didn't need to see another person pick Victoria's side again.

I sighed to myself. "Oh, she's fine." I said.

Daniel smiled. "What do you think about her?" He asked.

I found that question to be a bit weird, but I figured it was just a 'boyfriend' thing. It was clear that he missed Victoria, and he wanted to know how she was doing. Poor guy...

"Umm..." I couldn't tell him what I really thought of Victoria, but I didn't want to lie either. "Well, she likes...pink."

Oh god, I'm such an idiot.

Daniel laughed and nodded. "Yeah. She can be a bit of a girly girl sometimes."

I said nothing at first. I mean, pink is my favorite color, and I also like to wear pink clothes, and people have called me 'girly' before. But now, realizing how a few simple things can make two people seem so alike, made me not wanna own anything pink anymore. The last thing I needed was to be compared with Victoria.

When I didn't say anything, Daniel continued. "Man, I miss her so much. I haven't seen her since August. But I guess it's not that bad, since I talk to her on the phone almost every night."

I froze. "Wait, what?"

"Victoria calls me almost every day. I just spoke to her 2 days ago." Said Daniel.

And that's when it hit me. Ever since that whole feud between me and Victoria started, we were hardly in the same room together. The only times we were is when we went to sleep. I mean, we're roommates. We have no choice. But sometimes, when she was in our room, and I was out in the living room, I would hear her on the phone. I always figured she was talking to Alvin, and that time, it never bothered me. But now, after hearing what Daniel said, could it be possible that she was talking to him, and not Alvin?

"She does?" I asked.

Daniel nodded. "Yeah. I bet you would know, since you two are roommates. Her phone calls always last more than 2 hours."

I said nothing at that. THAT SCHEMEING BITCH! After all the shit she saw me go through, trying my hardest to tell Alvin about her lie, she has the nerve to act like it had never happened, and just continues to cheat behind Alvin's back? I couldn't believe it. I knew how schemeful Victoria was, but this is getting way too unacceptable.

Wait, why do I care though? It's not like I care if she hurts Alvin. Alvin deserves getting his heart broken. And I wasn't afraid to admit it, but I hope it would happen soon.

But I smiled. The smile I wore on my face was so fake, it hurt. "Aww, that's so cute. Victoria must miss you a lot."

"Has she ever mentioned me?" Asked Daniel.

I continued to smile fakely. "Oh, a few times." I said truthfully.

Daniel seemed to beam at that. Okay, to tell you the truth, I did feel bad or him. He seems pretty nice and very genuine. But I felt even worse for him for having Victoria as a girlfriend. The poor guy has no idea what's coming for him.

"So, are you good friends with Tori?" Daniel asked.

I wanted to laugh out loud. Me and Victoria as friends? Pretty hilarious stuff, considering how impossible it was. But I shrugged casually and said, "We're not that close."

"Oh. Well, Victoria is a pretty shy girl." He said.

I raised my eyebrows, trying so hard not to say anything insulting. "Really." I stated, my voice full of doubt.

Daniel didn't seem to notice the tone of my voice. He nodded and said, "But she's the sweetest girl I know."

"Oh yeah. She's a sweetheart." I said, hiding the sarcasm in my voice. Yet, I felt the acidity in my tongue as I said it.

It was interesting to hear someone else's perspective on Victoria. It was just plain stupid and extremely pathetic, knowing that people thought of her as this perfect, innocent girl. I mean, she has the cold-heartedness to make two different boys fall in love with her, and tell them that she loves them both, then stand there and deny the fact that she's a two timer!

"She is." Said Daniel.

I cleared my throat, wanting to change the subject. "Anyway, how long have you known Victoria?" I asked curiously.

"I met her 3 years ago at a party. We started dating a month after that. In fact, next Friday is our 3rd year anniversary." Said Daniel.

"Is that why you wanted to visit her?" I asked.

"That's half the reason." Said Daniel. "I just wanted to see her in general. It's been way too long since I last saw her."

I sighed to myself. I began to feel bad for Daniel. Just like Anthony, he seemed so sweet. I just can't believe what Victoria has done. Not only to Daniel, but to me, Alvin and herself.

"Well then. She's gonna be extremely surprised to see you." I said.

"I hope." He said. "I told her I wasn't going to visit her until later in the summer when she returns back home. But I just said that so she wouldn't be expecting me any time soon."

"Seeing you is gonna be pretty unexpected." I said, secretly meaning it another way, of course.

"Yeah, I know." Said Daniel, clearly showing his happiness. "I can't wait to see her face when she sees me."

I laughed lightly to myself, but said nothing. I couldn't wait to see her face either. Her shocked, Crap-I-Am-So-Dead face.

After another awkward moment of silence, I asked, "So, how long did it take you to drive up here?"

"About 7 hours." Answered Daniel.

"So you go to a different college?" I asked.

"Yeah. I applied to the one closest to where I live. Victoria wanted to apply there too, but her mom wanted her to go to this place. She said that this place has a good Veterinary course." Said Daniel. "And Victoria couldn't turn that down."

I sighed to myself, wondering what my life would be like if Victoria hadn't applied in this college. All because of the good Vets courses...

"Wow. You must be really eager to see her again." I said.

He nodded. "Of course I am." Said Daniel.

I couldn't help but smile. "Sounds like you love her." I said, feeling even more terrible for him.

He nodded again. "I do. You would know what it feels like, right?"

I looked at him in confusion. "What?"

"Well, you sound like a hopeless romatic." He said in a slight joking matter. "So you must have a boyfriend, right?"

I gulped. When Daniel said the word 'Boyfriend', I thought of the word 'Love'. But I didn't think about Anthony. I automatically thought about Alvin. Why did my mind dart to Alvin? Despite how badly my heart just twisted right now, I tried my best to think about Anthony - the boy I really loved...right? But why did I think about Alvin? I'm in love with Anthony. I KNOW I'm in love with Anthony, so what the hell is wrong with me?

I nodded. "Yeah, I do." I said, trying to sound as calm as possible. "How'd you know?"

Daniel shrugged. "I took a course on Human Personalities and Traits." He said.

"Oh, no wonder." I said.

After a few seconds of utter silence, Daniel changed the subject. "You know, Tori has never mentioned anything about having a roommate."

I had the strong urge to roll my eyes. But I shrugged. "Like I said, Victoria and I aren't exactly that close." I said.

"Hm. That's weird. She loves meeting new people." Said Daniel.

She 'loves meeting new boys' is more like it. But I wanted to laugh insultingly again. I sighed to myself as I thought back to the first day I met Victoria. She seemed so sweet and innocent, I knew there was a reason to why I hated her from the beginning. I knew it was impossible for someone to be THAT nice. It proves that I was right about her once again.

"I dunno. Victoria and I aren't really...friends." I said.

Daniel raised his eyebrows. "Weird." He said again. "She's always pretty friendly."

I seriously wanted to yell that being friends with her isn't the problem, but that her being a two timing bitch, and managing to act so innocent, is the real problem. But I held myself back from saying it, no matter how badly I wanted to.

"We have two other roommates living here." I said, changing the subject again. "My two sisters."

He raised his eybrows again. "You have your two sisters as roommates? Wow, if I were you, I'd be going insane."

I laughed lightly. "Why?"

"If I had to share a dorm room with my two brothers and my sister, I'd want to kill myself." Said Daniel.

I laughed again. "You guys aren't close to each other or something?" I asked.

"We are, trust me. My two older brothers and my little sister are my best friends. But that's the thing. We're so close to each other, we drive each other insane." Daniel said, sighing.

I felt myself freeze. His words reminded me of something that made the inside of my chest shatter. Now where did I hear that before? Best friends that were so extremely close to each other, that they drive the other one crazy? Yes, I know what it reminded me of, and I wasn't afraid to say it - to scream it - in my mind.

Me and Alvin.

But I sighed, trying to erase my thoughts. "My sisters are my best friends too. And I guess we do drive each other crazy sometimes, but I understand what you're trying to say."

When I listened to myself, I sounded so bored and uninterested. But after hearing what Daniel had to say about him and his siblings, and how it excruciatingly reminded me of myself and Alvin when we were still best friends, it just put me down.

Then Daniel sighed again. "But I haven't spoken to my sister in almost 2 years."

I looked at him, again reminding me of the past events that took place in my life here in college. This time, reminding me of how Jeanette and Eleanor refused to talk to me for a month. But for Daniel, 2 whole years?

"What? Why?" I asked.

Daniel sighed once more, as if this memory was mentally slicing him. But he shrugged. "My sister said she hates Victoria."

I looked at Daniel, secretly amused. "What?" I asked.

He shrugged. "My sister, Stephanie, said she doesn't like Tori because she has a 'bad feeling' about her." He said, making air quotes with his fingers.

And again, I wanted to laugh. But I kept a straight face. "Wow. Your own sister doesn't like your girlfriend?"

"That's why we got into a fight. She told me to break up with her because she doesn't like Tori." Said Daniel.

I was actually interested to hear more. "Why do you think your sister thinks that?"

"No idea. I just thought she was being really unreasonable. To hear that my own sister doesn't like her, makes you feel pretty annoyed." Said Daniel.

I listened to him. I don't know what I'm feeling right now. I guess it felt somewhat good to know that I'm not the only one who doesn't trust Victoria. But I felt somewhat annoyed with Daniel, knowing that he decided to listen to Victoria, resulting in a fight with his sister. Like with me and Alvin. He decided it pick Victoria's side, rather than me, resulting in a fight between us. What is it about Victoria that made all the boys listen to her, rather than the truth?

"Why didn't you believe your sister, though?" I asked, hoping that his answer would help answer my other questions.

"I don't know." He said quietly. He paused for a moment, then said, "I guess I was just afraid of losing Victoria."

I froze, feeling my heart jump inside of me. Could that be the same reason to why Alvin decided to listen to Victoria, instead of me? Because he was afraid of losing her? But he wasn't afraid of losing me?

Silence fell among us. We were both deep in our own thoughts. But the silence was finally broken a few minutes later.

"Sorry for telling you all this." Daniel said, laughing lightly. "I have a bad habit of talking too much and going overboard with my stories, even to people I just met."

I smiled. "Oh it's fine. Don't worry about it." I said truthfully.

And it was true. Listening to Daniel made me realize so much things. But the one thing that stood out from all the rest that it made me realize that my feelings for Alvin Seville never left. And as much as it hurt me to know that I have never stopped loving him, I had to accept it because I, myself, know that it's true.

Daniel smiled then looked at his watch. "Wow. Not even 10AM yet. What time does Victoria get off class?"

I pitied him. He was so excited to see her, but he has no idea what Victoria has been doing behind his back. And as much as I hated myself for giving in, I had to. Victoria needs to have her two timing self revealed. Daniel needs to see the real her. And Alvin needs to see the true Victoria, and to know that I was telling the truth all along, and that I was never the liar.

I was actually eager to expose Victoria's true self to both Daniel AND Alvin. I knew I was being a total bitch for wanting to do this, but after all the pain and tears I've been through, Alvin and Victoria deserve it.

I looked at the time on my cell phone. It was 9:40AM. "She usually doesn't come home until 2PM."

"Damn. 4 hours." Sighed Daniel. "What's a good way to pass 4 hours?"

I shrugged. "I dunno. I can show you around campus, I guess. And I can bring you to Victoria's class afterward."

He shrugged and smiled. "Okay then, can't wait. This college seems way bigger than mine anyway." He said.

I know that Alvin waits by Victoria's classroom door after her class is over. And just thinking about what might happen when Daniel sees them, made me feel anxious and somewhat nauseous. But we decided to pass the time by walking around. I took Daniel around the entire college campus, showing him almost every inch of the place. And to my surprise, he seemed impressed.

"Maybe I should move here." He said, laughing lightly. I wasn't sure if he was joking or not.

"Victoria would _love_ that." I said, obviously being sarcastic. But my voice sounded sincere.

The clock hit 1PM, and Daniel and I decided to grab a bite to eat at the nearest McDonalds. HELL NO it wasn't a date. It was just something to pass the time before he sees his girlfriend again - in the arms of another guy. After lunch, we walked back to campus. But before that, Daniel made a stop at a florist and bought a bouquet of pink and red roses. I wanted to stop him and tell him not to buy it because he's gonna regret it once he sees Victoria with another guy, but I didn't have the guts to. He looked so happy, I just couldn't bring myself up to stop him.

By the time we returned, the final bell had rung and people started to make their way out their classrooms. I led Daniel into the 'Health Studies' wing. He followed me, with the bouquet of flowers in his right hand. We finally got to her classroom, but we stood a few feet away from it because a bunch of people were coming and going through the doors.

And just like I had feared, yet wanted, Alvin stood there. I instantly recognized his messy and tousled brown hair. But he had his head down, he eyes focused on his cell phone. I turned away, pretending I didn't see him. If it was possible, my heart would be crying. It was the first time seeing him in a month. And one vague glimpse of him made me ache inside. Why were all the old insecurities and pain returning to me? It was hard to accept that fact that I still love Alvin, even though I'm with Anthony. But it was even harder to see him again. After all he's done to me, I still missed him. I felt the need to run to him and forgive him, to love him and to never let go of my feelings again.

Even though I'm with Anthony, I wanted Alvin back. But I had Anthony, someone who has made me happy, someone who treats me right and someone who loves me. So what's wrong with me? After everything Alvin has put me through, after how hard I've told myself that I'm in love with Anthony, a large part of me still wanted to choose Alvin. But I didn't want to allow it. I just can't...

I took a deep breath, and mentally shook it off as I turned to Daniel. "Do you see her?"

He shook his head and peered through the thinning crowd. And then, when his eyes widened and a smile spread across his face, that's when I knew he had spotted her. Daniel smiled even bigger. "I see her." He said. "I-"

The smile on his face suddenly disappeared. My heart began to race as I turned around to follow Daniel's gaze. There stood Victoria, with her arms wrapped around Alvin, as if she hadn't seen him in a whole year. And there stood Alvin, who had just given her a kiss on the cheek.

And it hurt to watch.

But then I heard 'thud' behind me. I turned around and looked to the ground. There, laid the bouquet of roses, now scattered on the floor. I looked up at Daniel, who was looking confused, yet extremely furious and hurt.

"What the hell?" He exclaimed slowly.

And without wasting another second, he stormed over to where Victoria and Alvin stood, purposely stepping on the bouquet he threw on the floor out of anger, resulting in crushed and ripped flower petals. I closed my eyes for a moment before opening them again. I sighed as I picked the bouquet off the floor. I don't know what was wrong with me, but I felt like I was going to burst into tears.

I touched one of the now-ruined roses. Once a full bloomed rose, now a pile of broken and ruined petals. These broken roses represented something of mine I hadn't thought of for a whole month...

My heart.

* * *

**Aww, DAMMIT! Another cliffhanger! Sorry guys! x)**

**So, Alvin and Daniel will FINALLY find out! What will Victoria say, now that she's about to be exposed (YAY). And what will Alvin say to Brittany once he finds out the truth?**

**And OMG, last chapter, I got 28 reviews! That's like, a world record! (For me at least LOL)**

**You guys are so amazing! Love you all! And thanks so much for reading, it means so much to me :D **

**And PLEASE PLEASE review! Thank you!**


	36. Unforgivable

I took a deep breath, wishing I had the power to make my heartbeat go slower. But I didn't. As each nerve wracking second passed by, the beat of my heart would increase. I gulped, still staring at the bouquet of roses in my hands. Just seconds ago, they were in gorgeous bloom. But now, after getting thrown on the floor by Daniel, it was just a tearful sight of ripped love.

Just like my heart. After taking one small glimpse of him, of Alvin, it tore my heart apart. I haven't seen him for over a month now. The last time I saw him, he hurt me for good. I tried my best telling him that Victoria was cheating on him, but he didn't listen. And in the end, he picked her instead of me. But the worst part of it was when he called me a liar. It was as if everyone was against me. I knew I wasn't the liar, but of course, Alvin didn't listen to me. He never does.

And it just kills me.

But now, all of that was about to change.

I took one more deep breath, and looked up. Daniel was walking towards Victoria and Alvin. I wanted to follow him, but I was too scared to face Alvin again. After spending one whole month away from him, I thought I had let him out of my life for good. But after everything that has happened today, I realized that the love I felt for Alvin had never left.

I decided to keep my distance from the three of them. But I knew I couldn't run away. I mean, I was the one who dragged Daniel here, and I just couldn't afford missing the reaction Victoria will show when she sees him again. But I didn't want to be seen. As people walked by, exiting their classrooms, the hallway started to get empty. And in a matter of seconds, the only people who stood in this isolated part of the school was me, Daniel, Alvin and Victoria.

I clutched onto the bouquet, and quickly hid behind a corner of the wall. I was still within hearing distance, but like I said, I didn't want Alvin or Victoria to see me. I had my back pressed against the wall. I closed my eyes, feeling dizzy from the rate of my heartbeat. But I finally opened my eyes, and peered around the wall, where Daniel finally stood about 2 feet away from them.

I looked at Daniel's face. He was showing clear confusion, but it was mixed in with a great amount of rage. Poor guy. Who can blame him? He drove 7 hours up here to visit the girl he was in love with, and now, seeing her for the first time in months, she has her arms wrapped around some other guy. Just thinking about how much damage Victoria has done to everyone, made my cheeks flush red.

It just occured to me now how much Victoria has influenced everything. Because of her, I realized that I love Alvin, got emotionally hurt by him, broke Anthony's heart yet, fell in love with him, ran away, almost getting raped and kidnapped, almost lost my two little sisters, and now, I was about to face my worse fear - seeing Alvin get hurt.

I knew I've said this more than a trillion times, but there was no way to stop myself. Yes, I know how much pain Alvin has caused me. I know how badly he has hurt my feelings, and I know he deserves getting his heart broken for not believing me. But in the end, I could never wish for that. No matter how badly he has hurt me in the past, I could never ever do the same to him.

Ever since the day he called me a liar, I would always tell myself that I hate Alvin Seville. I hate him, I want nothing to do with him, I want him gone and out of my mind, he means nothing to me, he is dead to me...

But my heart would always ache when I replayed those words in my mind, and I would break down in tears.

I would never wish that. Despite how I wanted to hate Alvin, I just couldn't. My hatred towards him came and went as quickly as a breath of air. And it hurts to know that after I've tried telling myself about leaving Alvin behind, it was no use. I have never stopped loving him. I am still heart-wrenchingly in love with him.

I suddenly snapped back into reality when I saw Daniel stop in his tracks. I looked at his face, feeling sorry for him, yet eager at the same time. Victoria was just seconds away from being exposed.

Daniel just stood there with his eyes fixed on Alvin and Victoria. The two of them didn't even seem aware that Daniel was standing there. But finally, after a few more seconds of disbelieving looks, Daniel opened his mouth.

"Victoria." He said.

My eyes darted to Victoria, and I saw her body freeze as if it had just turned into ice. She knew that voice. She knew who it belonged to. Then Alvin's head snapped up to look at the voice who has just said his 'girlfriend's' name. I could only see the back of Alvin's head, but I knew he was looking at Daniel in a confused matter.

"Victoria." Daniel said again, ignoring Alvin's glares. The way he said her name sounded like he was trying to hold himself back from yelling.

Slowly, Victoria unwrapped her arms from Alvin, and looked into the face of her other 'boyfriend'. There was pure silence between her. I looked back at Victoria's face, and once I saw her reaction, I felt evilly satisfied. Victoria looked scared. No, more than scared. She looked terrified.

"Remember me?" Daniel asked bitterly.

Victoria took a step away from the two boys who were staring at her. "D-Daniel..." She whispered.

Alvin looked at Daniel, then back at Victoria. "Tori, who's this?"

Victoria gulped, still looking at Daniel through mortified eyes. She just shook her head. "I-I-I..."

Daniel cut her off. He turned to Alvin. "Who the hell are you?"

"Better question is, who the hell are you?" Alvin fired.

Daniel scoffed and turned to Victoria. It was hard to believe that this was the Daniel I was talking to, moments ago. He was so nice and calm. But now, it was as if a trigger had been set off inside of him. "Victoria, who is this?" He asked.

Victoria shifted uncomfortably. "Daniel, w-what are you doing here?" She whispered.

"That doesn't matter." Shot Daniel. "What the hell are you doing, wrapping your arms around some other guy?"

"D-Daniel, I-"

"Who the hell is this?" Fired Daniel again.

Victoria gulped. "Daniel, please. I'll expla-"

"I'm her boyfriend." Alvin cut in, angry that some random guy was yelling at his 'girlfriend'.

Victoria darted her eyes to Alvin, looking even more scared than before.

Daniel looked at Victoria, hurt, but it was clear that he was more furious inside. "BOYFRIEND?" He exclaimed.

Victoria said nothing and just stood there, looking hopeless and defeated.

Then Alvin turned to her. "Victoria, who's this?" He asked.

She turned to Alvin. She shut her eyes for a few seconds before opening them again, revealing tears of guilt flooding her eyes. "My boyfriend..." She whispered.

Unlike Daniel, Alvin just stood there without saying a word. He glared at Victoria for the longest time, while Daniel glared at Alvin. 1 minute passed, then 2. And before you knew it, a whole 3 minutes of utter silence had passed. "Your boyfriend?" Alvin asked quietly, but still full of disbelief.

Victoria looked lost. "Alvin, I-I-I...listen to me. I-"

"No." He said simply. "Don't. Say. Anything."

Victoria looked like she had just finished running a marathon. She was breathing heavily. She looked at Daniel, who was now staring at her, then at Alvin, who was staring into space, then to Daniel again, then finally back to Alvin. Victoria was still looking scared, frightened and lost.

"How could you?" Daniel fired, breaking the silence.

Victoria looked at him. "Daniel, I'm sorry. I really am. I-"

"I spent 7 whole goddamn hours, driving up here to visit you. And after all this time, you've been cheating on me?" Daniel asked.

"Ch-Cheating? I-I-" Victoria stuttered, as tears streamed down her face.

"We've been dating for 3 years. I thought we had something, Victoria! I thought you actually meant it when you told me you loved me!" Daniel exclaimed.

Victoria knew she couldn't say that she does love him. Not with Alvin there, at least.

"Are you telling me that all of this was a lie?" Daniel asked, barely in a whisper. "After everything, you just decide to go behind my back and cheat on me? Just because we go to different colleges, doesn't mean you can cheat behind my back! I would have understood if you called me and told me that it's over between us. But cheating? That's way too pathetic, even for you."

Victoria looked hurt. "I'm sorry..." She whispered.

Daniel shook his head. "No, you're not. If I hadn't of visited you today, you would have still been with this guy-" He pointed to Alvin, who remained as still as stone. "-And me! You would still be cheating on the two of us."

Victoria looked at Alvin for a brief second before looking back at Daniel. "I'm sorry." She said again. "Daniel, I am so sorry."

Daniel shook his head. "Save it, Victoria. I don't want to hear it."

"Please." She whimpered, stepping towards him. "I'm sorr-"

"No!" Exclaimed Daniel, stepping away from her. "I've seen all the proof I need. And that's it."

Victoria froze. She stared up into Daniel's face. "What are you talking about? What do you mean 'That's it'? Are...are you breaking up with me?"

Daniel shook his head. "No, considering that we were NEVER together anyway!" He fired.

Victoria's tears fell even faster down her face. "No..." She pleaded. "Don't say that."

"What do you think of me? Stupid? An idiot? Because I go to a different school than you, you decide to date another guy?" Daniel asked, furiously. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

I could see how badly hurt Victoria was. And I felt a cool breeze of relief and revenge take place inside of me. I knew how Victoria was feeling. I mean, I've basically gone through it almost everyday before. Loving Alvin was too hurtful for me, yet, I couldn't stop. But with Victoria, seeing how she was in the middle, and realizing that she has just been exposed, made her tremble with fear.

"Daniel, please." Victoria said through a thick and tearful voice.

But this time, out of everyone's surprise, Alvin spoke up. "She was right."

Daniel and Victoria looked at him. Even I, who was still hiding around the corner, peered my head even farther to look at Alvin. Alvin's head turned to Victoria. No words were said between anyone. But just when I thought my heart rate had finally slowed down, it sped up again. Alvin's words twisted in my mind. I replayed them at least 5 more times. My breathing became more rapid.

Could he possibly be talking about...me?

"What?" Victoria asked.

"Brittany." He said, and once I heard Alvin say my name, my knees grew weak. "She was right all along."

I wanted to run away. Tears were suddenly rising up. I wanted to disappear.

Victoria's expression changed into shock and guilt, knowing she had just been caught. "N-No. Alv-"

"Brittany was right about you all along." Said Alvin. He shook his head. "And I didn't listen to her."

I wanted to run over there and scream, 'YOU SURE AS HELL DIDN'T!', but my legs were way too weak, and my lips were trembling as I bit back my tears.

Alvin continued. "I should have listened to her." He said, and paused. "But I didn't. Because I was actually in love with you, Victoria, I took your side instead of Brittany's. Because of you, she's hurt. Because of you, I haven't seen her in a whole damn month. And because of you, I lost my best friend!"

I felt myself freeze. Listening to Alvin's words made me collapse on the inside.

"Why did you do that?" Alvin asked in a deadly-like whisper. "Why did you lie to me? To everyone?"

Victoria looked at both Daniel and Alvin. Her chest was heaving in and out from all the heavy breathing her guilt resulted in. "I...I don't know."

"I called Brittany a liar to defend you!" Alvin said, his voice gradually getting louder. "Why did you just stand there, when you knew Brittany was telling the truth, and when you knew that YOU were the liar all along! It was never Brittany, it was always you!"

I looked at Daniel through misty eyes. While looking outraged, he also looked interested to hear what other damage Victoria has done.

"I..." Victoria sighed. "I WAS JEALOUS OF HER, OKAY?" She yelled.

Silence. I gasped quietly to myself and froze. Daniel raised his eyebrows, and Alvin snapped his gaze straight towards Victoria.

"I was jealous of Brittany." She said quietly, yet annoyed. "When I first met her, I thought she was so pretty, and so talented, getting into a fashion design class and everything. And that night, when I first met you, I could tell that there was something between you and Brittany, and I was getting even more jealous. I tried to be nice to her because I wanted to be like her! Brittany just seems so...perfect, that it's not fair!"

My mouth literally dropped open. THAT was the reason? Victoria was jealous of...me? WHAT THE F-CKING HELL?

"That's why you asked me out?" Asked Alvin.

Victoria sighed. "The connection between you and Brittany seemed so...different. It's so obvious that you two are extremely close." She said, tears dripping from her eyes. "And I thought that if I decided to date you, Brittany would never have the chance to."

Alvin said nothing for a few seconds. "So you dated me because you were jealous of Brittany?" He said slowly.

Victoria dodged his question. "But when I started to go out with you, I-I...I actually did fall for you."

Alvin shook his head in doubt. "All those times you told me you loved me, did you mean them?"

Victoria waited a few more seconds before answering. "I-I did."

Alvin sighed and shook his head. "I don't believe you."

"Alvin, I really did." She pleaded.

"You know, I should have trusted Brittany. I mean, I've trusted her all my life." Alvin said quietly, as if he was talking to himself. "This is the first time EVER where I decided not to listen to her. And it's because of you, Victoria. Because I thought you loved me, and because you were my girlfriend, I actually thought I had to protect you. But because of you, I had hurt Brittany by sticking up for you, whereas I should have been doing that for her!"

And this time, tears rose up in my eyes, and fell down my face like mini waterfalls. Was Alvin really saying this? Was he really saying all of this about me? But it was about damn time he actually realized it. But deep inside, it felt like it was too late. I've tried telling him for months now, but he never believed me. I, myself, was all the proof he needed. But since Daniel was standing there, Alvin learns that he was wrong all along?

Did he really need standing proof? Wasn't me, telling him, enough proof? It was as if he needed to see it, rather than hear it from me. Would I ever lie? I thought he trusted me...but I guess he doesn't.

"That's why I dated you, Alvin!" Victoria fired through her tears. "Because I knew you had a thing for Brittany. It just didn't seem fair that-"

"THAT WHAT?" Alvin yelled.

Victoria closed her mouth. She took a deep breath and shoved her trembling fingers into the pockets of her cashmere sweater. She looked away. "I didn't want you to fall for her."

I heard Alvin scoff in disbelief. "But you knew she was my best friend."

Victoria continued to look away. "But it was so obvious that you liked her. I mean, the way you spoke to her, the way you speak about her, the way you look at her...you loved her."

Victoria's words tangled in my brain. Did she really see that? Was it really that obvious? And if it was obvious, why hadn't I seen it? I knew Alvin had feelings for me before he fell in love with Victoria, but I never ever noticed Alvin being in love with me. I mean, all we've done is bicker and fight and argue...

And that's when I realized it. How could I be so blind?

Alvin said nothing for a long time. Finally, he said, "Then why did you go out with me, tell me you love me, turned me into some love-struck jerk for hurting my bestfriend, when all along, you've been dating someone else?"

Daniel, who stood there listening to them, looked at Victoria. She still kept her eyes to the ground. "I don't know..."

"Do you know what Brittany has gone through because of you? Because you had the nerve to make me fall in love with you, I acted like Brittany wasn't important to me." Alvin fired. "I made her feel like she was unimportant, all because I was defending you."

Victoria looked back up at him. "I-I-..."

I looked at Alvin, and once I did, even more heartbreaking tears fell upon my face. The expression he wore on his face showed guilt, anger and frustration. And to know that he is now feeling that way, all because he finally realized the truth, shattered my heart in a way I had not expected. Earlier, I was so eager to see Alvin's heart get broken. But now, seeing how hurt he was, I wanted to look away. I couldn't watch him.

But the thing that hurt me the most is how he finally realized how much he had hurt me. After all those months of killing me emotionally, he finally believes me...

"I'm done." Alvin finished.

Victoria stuttered for a bit, before shutting her mouth close. She looked into Alvin's eyes. "Fine." She whispered. I was shocked. That was it? She was just gonna let Alvin go, just like that?

"I'm done." Daniel said from the side.

Victoria turned to him, and walked towards him. "Daniel, look. I-"

Daniel stopped her by putting his hand out, and softly pushing her away. "No." He said. "Didn't you just hear me? I said that I'm done."

Victoria stopped. "W-What?" She fired in a whisper. "What are you talking about?"

Daniel shook his head. "We're through."

Victoria stopped dead in her tracks. "N-No, we're not." She exclaimed. "Daniel, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cheat on you!" She cried. "Y-You still love me, right? I-I mean, you drove up here just to visit me!"

Daniel shook his head again. "Because I thought you would never do anything like this. But you know what? I'm glad I came here to visit you. I'm glad I found out about the real you. You're a lying cheater. I don't want to be with a girl who cheats behind her boyfriend's back. Especially to a guy she has dated for 3 years."

I saw more tear droplets fall on Victoria's pink cheeks. "I-I can change." She said. "Daniel, I want to be with you."

I saw Alvin tighten up. I looked away for one moment, knowing that the words Victoria just said, hurt him. Alvin is finally feeling the pain I've gone through. But his was different, in a way. He just realized that the girl he was in love with, cheated on him. And to make things worse, the girl he was in love with, wanted to be with her first boyfriend. It was as if Victoria never really loved Alvin, like she was using him all along...

"No, Victoria." Daniel fired. "We're over. If it weren't for Brittany, I-"

"Brittany?" Alvin asked, looking at Daniel.

Daniel looked at Alvin for a moment, then nodded. "Yeah." He said, and turned around to the spot where he last saw me, but since I was hiding behind a wall, I wasn't there. "She...she was here just a moment ago."

I didn't want to show myself. I didn't care if I was crying, I just didn't want Alvin to see me. Even though he's learned about the truth, even through he's extremely hurt, and even though I still painfully love him with all my soul, I just couldn't forgive him. But despite all this, my heart longed for him. My eyes wanted to connect with his again. I needed to be near him again...

And with one deep breath, still clutching the bouquet in my hands, I took a step behind the wall. Daniel, Victoria and Alvin all turned to me. But I kept my eyes on the floor, avoiding Alvin's gaze, no matter how badly I wanted to see his eyes.

A few more seconds passed before I finally looked up at the 3 of them. I looked at Alvin for half a second, before looking at Daniel. Daniel was about to open his mouth to say something, but Victoria, still pink with anger and tear stained, spoke up before anyone else could.

"You." Victoria whispered threateningly, her glare piercing through me. "You did this."

I said nothing.

"YOU DID THIS TO ME!" She screamed.

I looked at her through thick tears, but I managed to keep a straight face. "Yes, I did." I fired angrily, but weakly.

She shook her head in disbelief and scoffed. "You knew about this."

And that's when I lost it. "OF COURSE I KNEW ABOUT THIS!" I yelled. "I knew about this all along. YOU knew about this too! You were there when I tried telling him the truth." I fired, unable to say Alvin's name. "You knew I was telling the truth! But you had the guts to stand there, and say you had no idea what I was talking about. So don't you dare try and act surpised, because we both know that you have lived yourself as a lie."

Victoria had her mouth hung open. "Why did you do this?" She asked. "You brought Daniel here on purpose, didn't you?"

Daniel cut in. "No. I came here on my own to see you." He fired. "But you weren't there, and Brittany was nice enough to invite me in. But with my constant asking to see you, she took me here. And like I said, I'm glad I did because I found out about the real you."

Victoria ignored him. She continued to glare at me. "Look at what you did." She hissed. "Look at what you did to Alvin! If you really 'love' him, then you would have just-"

"Stop it." Fired Alvin. "Just keep telling yourselves these things, Victoria. But in the end, no one will believe you. You've proved to everyone here that every single thing you say is a complete lie."

Victoria gaped at Alvin for a long time. Then she half-laughed, crossed her arms over her chest and said, "Oh, so now you believe her?"

"I should have believed her from the very start." He said.

"But if it weren't for Daniel being here, you would have still been in love with me." Said Victoria. "You would have never found out about me."

I felt heat return to my face. That bitch seemed so proud to say these things about her own self. It was sickening to listen to.

Alvin said nothing at first, knowing that Victoria did have a point. He inhaled deeply and said, "Fine. You may be right, but really, Victoria. Do you really think our relationship would go on forever?"

Both Victoria and I froze at that. Victoria scoffed. "Considering how much you loved me, then yes." She said bitterly.

Alvin shook his head. "I'm just sorry for letting you manipulate me into thinking that I love you. I'm sorry for Daniel for having you as a girlfriend for 3 years." Then he took a deep breath. "And I'm sorry for choosing you, over someone else, when I really knew I loved her."

Victoria froze again, then darted her eyes at me, knowing who Alvin was talking about. I said nothing. I knew Alvin was talking about me, but neither of us made eye contact with each other.

Daniel spoke up. "Stephanie was right." He said, referring to his sister who, like me, never had a good feeling about Victoria. "Because I decided to believe you, over my own sister, I haven't spoken to her in almost 2 whole years!"

"Because you love me. You still love me." Victoria said, almost in a pleading way.

Daniel shook his head. "I've had enough." He said, taking a deep breath. "You've done enough damage to everyone, Victoria. And I'm gonna feel sorry for the next guy you brain wash into thinking you love him."

Victoria looked at him. "What? No! Daniel, please! I-I'll change, I promise!"

Daniel looked at her one more time. "Don't think that I won't be telling our friends back at home about this, because I will. So in June, when your school year is over, don't bother coming home." He fired.

Victoria was now sobbing. "Daniel, God!" She exclaimed through tears.

Daniel said nothing, ignoring the pathetic crying girl who stood beside him, and walked away from her. But once he passed me, he gave me a small smile of self sympathy and gratitude, and whispered, "Thanks, for everything."

I understood why he was thanking me. He was grateful that he found out about Victoria. I was unable to open my mouth, so I just smiled through thick tears. Then Daniel took a deep sigh, and walked away. I could hear his footsteps getting more distant as he took each step. I closed my eyes, feeling the walls of my body close in. New fresh tears fell by the moment.

"WAIT!" Victoria yelled weakly. "Where're you going?"

No answer.

"Daniel!" She cried, and before I knew it, she was running and crying, trying to catch the boy she hurt, yet wanted to be with.

And once Victoria was gone, if left me and Alvin standing there. I was still looking to the ground, still crying. I didn't know if Alvin was looking at me or not. I didn't have the strength to look up at him. There was pure silence between us for about 3 minutes. I didn't know what I was doing. Why am I still here? I wanted to run away, but in a way, I didn't want to leave him.

I never wanted to leave him.

And finally, after it seemed like the hushed muteness of quietness was going to last forever, the silence was broken.

"Brittany..." Alvin whispered.

I remained silent. I felt like I was going to collapse when he whispered my name. My whole body began to shake. My heart felt like it was tearing up, piece by piece. The roses I was still holding were trembling within my grasp.

Alvin walked towards me, slowly and cautiously, as if he was afraid I would run away from him. "Britt." He whispered again. He waited another minute before continuing. "I-I-I...I don't even know how to start apolog-"

"Then don't." I croaked, as tears of agony painted my face.

Alvin didn't say anything for a long time. "You don't know how much I regret everything. The word 'Regret' doesn't even cover it." He said. "To know that I didn't believe you..." He trailed off and sighed in frustration.

I shook my head, careful not to look at his face. "Why didn't you believe me?" I asked. That question has been burning inside of me ever since the day he called me a liar.

He waited a long time before answering. "I don't know." He whispered.

I scoffed. "Of course you don't." I whispered acidly, feeling extremely hurt.

This was the first time talking to Alvin in over a month. But in this one talk, it brought back everything the two of us have been through. All the tears, the fights, the screaming and yelling, the profanity - everything. Why was this always happening to me? To us?

Alvin took a deep sigh. Another minute or 2 passed before he finally said, "Forgive me."

I didn't move.

"Please." He said. "I know it's a poor excuse, seeing what I've put you through, but you need to know that I'm sorry. You need to know how I feel about this, how I will never forgive myself for doing this to you, for not believing you, and for everything else I stupidly did to hurt you."

I remained as I was.

"Brittany, please forgive me." He whispered again.

I closed my eyes, letting tears streak my face. Should I forgive him? After all the hell I've been through because of him, should I forgive him this easily? Just because he saw visual proof, he decides to forgive me. And to know that if it weren't for Daniel, Alvin might have never believed me, and it just made me feel all bruised and cut up inside. But it hurt me the most, to know that the love I've felt for Alvin was still burning inside of me. I was still in love with him.

But after a month of not seeing him, and being with Anthony, it made my mind twist in all different directions. Loving Alvin has made my heart break, and my emotions shatter with tears. But loving Anthony has made me smile, and made me feel happy. But despite how choosing Anthony sounded so right, choosing Alvin _felt_ so right.

I opened my mouth, but no words came out.

When I didn't answer, Alvin waited another minute or so before asking me a question that made me collapse on the inside, ripping my heart in two, and draining all the blood from my face.

"Do you still love me?"

My breathing came to a stop, and my heartbeats began to get uneven. Yes, I do. I do still love him. I loved him so much, that it hurt. And I couldn't stand the pain anymore. And that's why I had to say what I wanted to say. I needed to protect myself. I can't go through the hell-like pain I've gone through by loving him. Painful, excruicating, heart twisting, but I still loved him. I have never stopped loving him. But just hearing the answer in my head made the love I felt for him, increase with a burning fire, making me love him even more.

"No." I whispered.

Lying to him did more than just hurt me. Of course I love him. But he just can't know that. Not anymore...

Alvin froze. I closed my eyes, biting my lips to prevent small whimpers from escaping my lips.

"W-What?" He whispered, after another minute of tranquillity.

And this time, I finally looked up at him. Our eyes connected for the first time in a month. His eyes looked dead, while mine were full of pain, covered up by tears. We stared into each other's eyes for a long time, as if not wanting to look away. But I had to. I disconnected our gaze by staring straight ahead of me, looking at his shirt, his chest, wanting to look through him.

And then I said the words I had to say, just to protect myself from being hurt again...

"Why should I love someone who called me a liar?" I whispered.

Tears fell even more as I said it. I threw the bouquet of roses on the floor in front of me through weak fingers. I felt scared and lost. My breathing was short and quick, my mind was full and confused, my eyes were dead and wet, my legs were weak and frail and my heart was jumping and torn.

And without giving Alvin a second to respond, without looking up to look at his face one last time, I turned around and ran.

The old me was suddenly coming back. I was feeling hurt and insecure again. The girl I had lived as in this past month, the happy, smiling and laughing girl - gone. And for the first time in a month, I ran away from Alvin Seville, from my feelings, from the love, and from everything once again.

* * *

**Aww man. Alvin and Brittany... :'(**

**AHH! Victoria is finally exposed! That two timing little...**

**But now that she's gone (For now), what'll happen between Alvin and Brittany? What about Anthony? **

**This story ain't over yet ;)**

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**Thanks _so much_ for reading, and PLEASE PLEASE review! **


	37. Kiss me in the rain

I felt like my lungs were going to cry out as I ran. I sprinted across the grassy field, up the building, to my dorm room and shut the door behind me, breathing hard.

What just happened?

The events that happened just moments ago, when Daniel unexpectedly came to visit, when Victoria was finally exposed, when the two boys left her broken hearted, and when Alvin asked me if I still loved him, was burning in my mind. No matter how hard I tried to forget about them, it just stuck to my mind like glue. But the one thing that killed me the most on the inside is what I said to Alvin...

_'Why should I love someone who called me a liar?'_

Just thinking about those words again made me tremble.

But all of this was a lie. Yes, I still love him, of course I do. I have never stopped loving him. But I couldn't stand one more moment of pain. Loving him was hard enough, and I didn't want to go through this again. My heart has been broken so many times, I sometimes wonder how I'm still able to let myself love him. But I told Alvin I didn't love him to protect _myself_.

But in that moment, when I told him I didn't love him, my heart gave an abnormal squeeze, knowing that what I just said was the farthest thing away from the truth.

I love Alvin Seville, but I just can't be with him. Loving him was bad enough. And if we were actually together, that would make things even worse for me. It was an unhealthy relationship. I mean, as friends, Alvin and I have acted like we wanted to kill each other. So imagine how much more it would be if we were actually together?

But in a way, it shows how much Alvin loves me, and how much I love him...

But I have to stop. I can't be with him. I'm not going to allow myself to be with him. Even though my heart aches inside, wishing that it was possible for us to be together, it had to end. I know I will never stop loving him. I know that he will always feel something for me. I know he wishes we were together, as much as I wished for the same. But I had to let him go...

But I can't do this anymore. I wasn't able to look up to stare at his face when I said I didn't love him. Because if I took just one glimpse, I would have surrendered to myself. And the last thing I needed was for him to know that I still love him. Okay, fine I get it. He finally believes me about all the things I've said about Victoria, and he realizes how much of an ass he has been for hurting me. But it took him almost 5 whole months to realize he fell in love with the wrong girl.

And I couldn't accept it.

I shut my eyes and sat down with my back pressed against the door. I had a feeling Victoria wasn't going to return anytime soon, but the reason I locked myself away was because I feared that Alvin would follow me. But I didn't want to talk to him. Not now, at least. Not ever...

But I was right about one thing. I didn't realize that I've been sitting on the floor for at least 2 hours before I heard someone fiddling with the lock. At first, I thought it was Alvin, but it wasn't. I shot up off the ground and stepped back. Victoria came in, tear stained and flushed red. Once I saw her face, and how hurt and furious she was, I knew something was about to happen. She stormed into the dorm, glared at me through teary eyes, and without saying a word, she stormed into the bedroom that we shared.

I didn't dare to follow her.

I gulped and sat down on the sofa, and in a matter of seconds, loud noises were coming from the room. I sat there, biting my lip while listening to the loud 'thuds' and 'clanks' that were coming from the inside of the room. I was afraid to know what she was doing. Was she breaking something? Something of mine? But before I could stand up and find out what the hell she was doing, Victoria walked out with her suitcases in her hands and everything. It reminded me a whole lot of me, when I ran away...

And that's when I realized that Victoria was leaving.

Again, without saying anything, she moved across the room, threw the dorm's keys across the room, hitting the wall, then stopped. She turned to me, and I flinched. She looked at me for a long time before finally opening her mouth.

"I hope you're happy." She hissed.

I said nothing.

"Because of you, Daniel won't even go near me. He won't talk to me anymore." She whispered through her tears. She took a deep breath then said, "He broke up with me. He drove away, and left me."

I remained as still as stone, listening to her words.

"Fine." She fired in a whisper. "He wants to leave me? Ha. If Daniel can't be with me, nobody can."

I was starting to feel frightened.

"Because of you, Brittany..." She sneered my name. "I'm leaving. I'm done with this place."

And without giving me a chance to respond or react, she swung the door open, and slammed it close behind her. And she was gone, just like that. The loud sound of the swinging door burned in my ears. I waited a few seconds before realizing I could breath again. And that's when I finally realized that Victoria is gone, and that she was never coming back.

I knew I should be happy - or relieved, at least - to know that I will never see that blonde two timing liar for as long as I live, but with everything going on in my life, I just couldn't find room for happiness. There were just so many things going through my mind, I couldn't find the time to wrap my head around one of them, or any of them at all.

I'm in love with Alvin, but I'm with Anthony. But Alvin and Anthony both love me, but I don't want to hurt myself by being with Alvin. And being with Anthony seemed so much better for me because he made me so happy, and he protects me and loves me. But again, deep in my heart, I want Alvin, and I want Alvin to want me. But when Alvin asked me if I still loved him, I said no...

What the hell is wrong with me?

I was tearless, as if I had no strength to shed tears. So for the remaining time, I just sat here on the couch until my sisters returned. 2 more hours, at the most, passed. It was now 6PM, and Jeanette and Eleanor usually came home at around this time. I sighed, and closed my eyes. Why was everything happening to me? Why me? I decided to let that go, and opened my eyes again. I looked at the bedroom door that led into the bedroom - _my _bedroom.

I sighed deeply, stood up and slowly walked towards it. I slowly pushed the door open, and like I had expected, Victoria's side of the room was completely empty. Everything in this room now belonged to me. It was just my bed, my closet, my clothes, my belongings - everything.

Because she was so in love with Daniel, she was too blind to see how Daniel didn't want to be with her anymore. He never wants to be with her again. And Victoria ended her dreams of becoming a vet, just like that. All those years of wanting to fufill her dream - gone. She left college forever, just because of a guy. But in a way, it reminded me of Alvin, how he was too blind to see how much I love him, and how I ran away...

But before anything else, I heard a click from the door. My heart stopped for one second, before stepping out of the room to see who it was. I sighed to myself when I saw my two sisters walk in. I looked at them, without saying a word. Jeanette and Eleanor stopped talking to look at me, and once I said nothing for the next 5 seconds, they automatically knew something wasn't right.

"Brittany, what's wrong?" Jeanette asked.

I sighed. "Come in here." I said.

My two sisters gave each other weird looks before dropping their bags on the couch, and walking over to me, stepping inside my room.

"Wha-" Eleanor began, but stopped. Her eyes widened as she scanned the room. "What happened?"

Jeanette, who was equally shocked, asked, "Where's all of Victoria's stuff?"

The insides of my body twisted again. I took a deep breath, and said, "She left."

My sisters looked at me for a long time. Eleanor raised her eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

"She left." I said again.

"Left?" Jeanette asked, confused. "As in...forever?"

I nodded. "She took all her stuff, and decided to leave."

Again, my sisters said nothing. After a moment of silence, Jeanette asked, "Why?"

I waited a few seconds more before answering them. I sighed deeply. "You guys might wanna sit down." I said quietly.

And after getting a couple more puzzled looks from my sisters, Jeanette sat on the edge of my bed, while Eleanor sat in my pink bean bag chair. I pulled out the chair from my computer desk, sat in it, faced my sisters and told them EVERYTHING. Everything, from the beginning of today when Daniel came, how he drove up here to see Victoria, how he saw her with Alvin, how the two of them finally saw Victoria as her real lying self, how they basically broke up with her on the spot, how Alvin finally believed me, how Daniel decided to leave Victoria forever, how she followed him like a lost puppy dog, how I ran up here alone in tears, to how Victoria packed up all her things to follow Daniel, even though he didn't want anything to do with her.

But I purposely left out the detail of Alvin asking me if I still loved him.

Jeanette and Eleanor sat there for the next 20 minutes, listening to everything I had to say. And in the end, they were both speechless.

"And Victoria left, just like that." I finished softly.

"Wait, so her boyfriend was here?" Asked Eleanor, and I nodded. "And he saw everything?"

I nodded. "Yeah."

"And Alvin finally believed you?" Asked Jeanette. "After all that time, he finally believes you because he saw proof? That's pathetic."

I looked at my sister. "What?"

"Brittany, if I were you, I'd be done with Alvin. He's hurt you so many times, you can't deny that. And I think it's absolutely stupid how he finally decides to believe you because he saw actual proof. I mean, if he really cared about you, he would have believed you from the very start!" Said Jeanette.

"I agree." Said Eleanor, before I could say anything. "Britt, as your sisters, we know what you've gone though. And it's hard for us to see you like that. We don't ever want you to be hurt like that again. If Alvin starts to realize that you've been the right one all along, then don't let him get to you. Show him what he's lost."

Listening to my sisters say these things hurt, but they were right at the same time. I shouldn't let Alvin back in my life after all he's done to me. But no matter how hard I try to do that, a large piece of my heart just wants to grab onto him, and never ever let go.

Jeanette continued. "You've changed so much this past month, Britt. And I mean that in a good way. We've seen how much you've changed, and we know why."

"Because you're with Anthony." Said Eleanor. "Britt, we can tell that you're happy with Anthony. It's like, he's made you into this whole new person. And it makes us happy that you're happy. But if you choose Alvin..." She sighed. "We just don't want you to get hurt again."

Silence spread among us for about a minute before I spoke up. "Do you hate him? Alvin, I mean."

Eleanor sighed, while Jeanette looked away. "No. Of course not." Said Jeanette, who was staring out of the window. "We've known Alvin for 15 years, haven't we? He's like an older brother to me and Eleanor. And he's still our friend, but..."

"But after all he's done to you, Britt, a part of us does kinda hate him." Eleanor said gently but seriously.

I looked down to the floor. I tried my best to ignore what they just said. "So, you guys don't want me to be with Alvin?" I asked quietly.

"But you're with Anthony now, aren't you?" Asked Eleanor. But when I didn't answer, she sighed. "We don't care who you're with, Britt. Just as long as you're happy."

I sighed and put my head in my hands.

"Do you love Anthony?" Jeanette asked, after a minute of silence.

I sighed and closed my eyes. "I...I do." I whispered truthfully.

I heard Jeanette sigh. She waited a few seconds more before asking, "Do you love Alvin?"

Like earlier, when Alvin asked me if I loved him, I said no. But I just said that so he wouldn't know. But now, I can't hold myself back. I just had to let it out some way or another.

I looked up to look at both of my sisters. "Yes."

And to my surprise, neither of my sisters looked shocked. I thought they would be surprised and confused to know that I have feelings for the two of them, but it didn't seem that way. In fact, they both cracked a little smile.

"Thought so." Jeanette said quietly. "You've always loved him, didn't you?"

I nodded.

Then Eleanor sighed. "But what about Anthony?"

My heart began to race. I still loved Anthony, in a way. He's done everything that Alvin couldn't. As I mentioned before, it was as if Anthony had replaced Alvin in my life. Anthony loved me, he was there for me, he made me laugh and smile, all when Alvin couldn't. And I knew I just couldn't hurt Anthony. After all the good he's done for me, I knew I can never ever hurt him again.

"I...I can't break up with him." I whispered. "I care about Anthony too. But he loves me, and I would never forgive myself for hurting him."

Eleanor said, "But Alvin-"

I cut her off. "I know, Elle." I said, my voice beginning to break. "I love him too. You don't know how much it hurts to love him. But in a way, Alvin deserves what he got..."

* * *

10 days later...

It was now the first week of February, and Victoria hadn't come back at all. It was official. She was gone for good.

Today was the day Anthony was returning from his trip from Florida. And even though I've told my sisters everything that was on my mind, there was still a piece of me that was still in love with the Anthony who cared about me and treated me like I was the most special thing in the world. Despite how much my heart yearns for Alvin, I couldn't deny the fact that I was in love with Anthony too. He's done everything for me. He's been there for me when Alvin wasn't. And I wanted to see him again. I needed to see him again. With my sisters out to class, with Alvin like a stranger in my life, and with Anthony away in Florida, I had no one to talk to. I couldn't even talk to Simon and Theodore without having the fear of Alvin popping up out of nowhere. I was lonely.

I woke up extra early today because I wanted to be there when Anthony came back. I took a quick shower, brushed my teeth, did my hair, changed into grey sweatpants, a pink and black graphic T-shirt, slipped on my pair of Ugg boots, and grabbed an apple for my breakfast.

While I was eating my apple at the table, Eleanor, who was still clad in her PJ's, walked into the kitchen. Once she saw me, she raised her eyebrows. "Where're you going?" She asked, noticing my change of clothes.

I froze, and gulped hard to swallow my food. "To class. Where else would I be going?"

"It's 6:30 in the morning. I thought your class doesn't start until 8?" Asked Eleanor.

I swore in my head as I tried to make up a quick story in my head. "I-I've got an early class today. Big projects and stuff, you know."

Eleanor crossed her arms over her chest. "Right."

"Really!" I exclaimed, trying to sound convincing.

Eleanor sighed. "Seriously, Brittany. Where are you going?" She asked.

I sighed and looked away. I couldn't back out of this anymore. I had to tell her. I waited a few seconds before finally saying, "Anthony's coming back today..."

"What? God, Britt! What are you doing to yourself?" Eleanor exclaimed.

I sighed again and looked into my little sister's green eyes. I could tell she was mad at me. "Eleanor, be reasonable."

"Be reasonable? Me? Uh, YOU'RE the one who should be reasonable!" Fired Eleanor. "Brittany, you're confusing yourself by doing this! Okay, I know you love Alvin AND Anthony, but what you're doing isn't right! I mean, wake up! You're dating one, but you're more in love with the other one!"

"Eleanor, it-"

"You're not only hurting yourself, but you're also hurting Alvin and Anthony." Said Eleanor. "They both love you, and you love them both. But what you're doing is gonna end badly, trust me. Because either way, someone will end up emotionally damaged."

I shut my mouth. Damn. Eleanor was so good at talking some sense into people. But I sighed and crossed my arms, continuing to keep my mouth shut. Eleanor and I just looked at each other. Seconds later, we heard the bedroom door open, and in walked Jeanette, who yawned.

She looked at me and Eleanor. "What are you two yelling about?" She moaned.

Eleanor looked at her and said, "It's Brittany! Jeanette, no matter how hard we try and tell her to stop confusing herself with her damn feelings, she never listens to us!" She fired. Then she looked at me. "Britt, I'm getting mad at you because we care about you. How many times do we have to explain this to you? If you really love Anthony, then be with him. But if you really love Alvin, then be with him. Stop hurting yourself by having feelings for both of them!"

Jeanette and I stared at Eleanor in shock. But then Jeanette turned to me and sighed. "Eleanor's right, Brittany. You told us yourself that you have feelings for both Alvin and Anthony."

I sighed. I hated it when I knew I wasn't right. My sisters had every right to be mad at me, seeing how hard headed I was being. But if you were in my spot, you wouldn't know what to do either. I knew I loved Anthony, but I was too afraid to leave him because I didn't want to hurt him again. He's done more than I can say. He is the sweetest and the most caring boy I've met in my life, and I know that if I leave him, I'll never find anyone like him, ever.

But my feelings for Alvin were just a little bit more. I've loved Alvin longer than I've loved Anthony. But the things I've gone through by falling in love with Alvin was painful. Just thinking about all the hell I've gone through made tears rise up in my eyes. And I want to be with him, but again, I can't allow myself to. He's hurt me so many times, and even though I know Alvin didn't mean it and that he didn't know about it, I can't let him back into my heart.

But I _know_ who I loved more.

I sighed and looked away. I love my sisters, but sometimes when they ganged up on me, it made me feel even more useless. And I needed to get away. "I...You guys told me that you'll support me, whatever the decision is." I said. "And I know I'm making the right choice." But when I said it, I didn't know what I was talking about, or _who_ I was talking about.

Both of my sisters sighed. But as I was unable to stand one more minute in this room, I got up, put on my sweater and walked out the door, ignoring their glares. I walked all the way downstairs to the very bottom, walked out the front doors and stepped into the cold winter air. I looked at the time on my phone. It was barely even 7AM yet, and I wasn't sure when Anthony was coming back, but I knew he was coming back soon, so I figured that I should just stay here.

I sat on the wooden bench under the oak tree, and shoved my freezing hands into my pockets. I can remember the last time I sat here. I was sitting here, crying my heart out over the news of Miss Miller's death. I closed my eyes as the image of my mother's face came back to me. It was times like these when I needed her the most. My heart began to race, but when I thought things couldn't get any worse, a voice - the voice - that I longed, yet feared to hear, came running into my ears.

"Brittany."

It was him.

I froze, but kept my eyes closed, feeling the coldness in my face get replaced by heat. What was here doing here? What does he want from me? I didn't dare to answer, but then I heard him sigh. I wanted him to go away, but at the same time, I wanted him to stay. Heartbreaks, heartaches, pain, tears, love, hatred...all of that was coming back, but I didn't allow myself to give up. But after a few seconds, I heard him move, and I felt him move towards me. And before I knew it, he was sitting down beside me.

"Brittany, please talk to me." He whispered.

I didn't want to show him how weak I was, so against all my strength, I opened my eyes and tilted my face up to look at him. His eyes made my heart pound because they looked so dead, so tired. I took a deep breath. "What do you want?" I whispered, my voice beginning to break.

"I want to talk to you." He said. "Please...just say something to me."

"Fine." I fired, looking even deeper into his eyes. "Leave me alone." And as anger rose up within me, I shot up off the bench, and walked away without hesitation.

"Brittany!" He called behind me, but I didn't turn back. Then I heard footsteps running towards me, and in a matter of seconds, he stepped in front of me. "Stop pretending like I'm not here."

I came to a halt and shut my eyes. I took one step away from him and turned my head away. "Why are you doing this?" I asked in a whisper.

He took a deep breath. "I want to explain, to apologize." He said. "Everything that has happened to us, I-I didn't want it to go this way. I never wanted it to go this way. But I can understand if you never want to talk to me again. What I did to you was...unacceptable. No, it was more than that. I can't even explain it. I've done so many things to hurt you, and I would do anything to undo them. I was such an idiot for falling for Victoria. I was an idiot for hurting you, for not trusting you, for not believeing you..."

I shook my head. "It doesn't matter anymore."

"Yes, it does Brittany!" Alvin said. "I...I'm sorry."

"Sorry doesn't cut it." I fired weakly. "After all you've done to me, 'Sorry' means nothing. After I told you I love you, you tell me that you love Victoria. After I ran away, you still had the nerve to choose Victoria. After I try telling you about Victoria's lies, you stand there and call me a liar. You think that you know what you've done to me, but honestly, you have _no_ idea."

Alvin studied me with hurt and tired eyes. "I'm sorry." He whispered again, as if he thought an apology would be enough to undo all of this.

I shook my head. "Apologize all you want, Alvin. Apologize a million times, but get this - I will never, ever forgive you."

Alvin looked hurt. I could tell he was breathing hard. I had enough. I thought I still love him, but everytime I look at him, hatred swam through my veins. "Fine, don't forgive me." He said. "I'll understand if this is the last time we'll ever talk to each other, but before you walk away from me for good, at least give me a chance to explain."

"EXPLAIN WHAT?" I screamed, unable to hold myself back any longer. "I GAVE YOU 5 MONTHS TO EXPLAIN, BUT YOU NEVER LISTENED TO ME. IT WAS ALWAYS ABOUT VICTORIA!"

"VICTORIA MEANS NOTHING TO ME ANYMORE. SHE NEVER MEANT A THING TO ME COMPARED TO HOW I FEEL ABOUT YOU." Alvin yelled.

"Complete bullshit." I fired.

Alvin looked at me for a long time. "Believe me, please. I understand that you hate me right now, I really do." He took a deep breath. "But Brittany, I...I lo-"

"No you don't." I whispered, tears running down my face. I was too scared to hear it. "Stop trying to force yourself into saying it because we both know you don't."

"Brittany, I-"

"No you DON'T!" I repeated. "Just because Victoria isn't here anymore, doesn't mean you can come crawling to me. I'm not some sort of toy to be played around with, Alvin! You made it so clear that Victoria was so important to you when you had her. You made it clear that she was all you cared about. But what about me, huh? Did you forget who I am? I was the one who did everything to protect you. I did everything so you wouldn't get hurt. I kept Victoria's secret away from you so you wouldn't get your heart broken. It just shows how much I still care about you, even after all you've done to me!"

Alvin closed his mouth, staring at me as if wishing he could read my thoughts. After a long moment of silence, the winter weather turned even darker. Clouds the color of smoke began to cover the sky, and raindrops began to fall, lightly at first, but then it fell harder and faster. And in just mere seconds, the two of us were now dripping wet, as if someone had just poured a big bucket of water on the both of us. Thunder came, small streaks of lightning began to form in the sky, and the wind became heavy and intense.

"JUST GO AWAY!" I screamed over the howling wind, as tears and raindrops fell upon my face.

"NO." Alvin yelled back, ignoring the droplets of rain dripping off of his bronze hair, and onto his face. "NOT UNTIL I TELL YOU WHAT I REALLY FEEL."

I turned away. "I ALREADY TOLD YOU. YOU DON'T NEED TO EXPLAIN ANYTHING!"

"WHY NOT?" Alvin yelled, over the loud thunder and wind.

The cold wind stung my cheeks as thin strands of my hair were sticking to my face. But I still managed to look away and shut my eyes. "B-BECAUSE...BECAUSE I LOVE ANTHONY!" I screamed, feeling the words roll of my tongue with fire.

Silence fell upon Alvin. He froze in his spot, and I opened my eyes. His eyes looked even more weak. I was trembling. Not from the cold, but from all the pain and anger I had just let loose.

I continued, as more tears streaked my face. "YOU HAD A CHANCE, ALVIN. YOU HAD A CHANCE TO BE WITH ME, BUT YOU LOST IT. I WANTED TO BE WITH YOU! HELL, I STILL WANT TO BE WITH YOU, BUT-"

"THEN WHY CAN'T WE BE TOGETHER?" He yelled. I could barely hear him. The wind was getting way too strong.

"BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO GET HURT ANYMORE!" I screamed.

Alvin walked over to me and held me. He put both of his soft palms on both of my cheeks, and held my crying face in his rain-wet hands. "Then I'll change." He said. "I'll change for you."

I closed my eyes, and pushed him away. "Just because Victoria's not here anymore-"

"I've always loved you!" He said, and I froze and looked at him. The rain and wind started to get even harder.

"NO, YOU HAVEN'T" I screamed.

"STOP. YOU KNOW IT'S TRUE, BRITTANY. YOU KNOW IT. STOP TRYING TO DENY IT. STOP TRYING TO RUN AWAY FROM THE TRUTH." Yelled Alvin over the loud crashes of thunder.

More tears fell down my face. "YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT THE TRUTH!" I screamed.

"THEN BELIEVE ME NOW." Alvin yelled, looking at me through agonized eyes. "I'VE ALWAYS LOVED YOU."

I turned away, feeling my heart fall to the pit of my stomach. "THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU SHOW ME THAT IN THE BEGINNING?" I cried.

"BECAUSE I WAS SCARED!" He yelled back. "I WAS AFRAID OF FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU!"

I felt myself freeze. I gasped when I heard those familiar words. Those words, 'Don't be afraid to fall in love.' were said to me by Miss Miller, 10 years ago. But how? How did Alvin know? Was it by coincidence? Or did he really mean them? I looked at Alvin, who was staring at me back with a face full of pain and heartbreak. And by his facial expressions, I knew that it was no coincidence at all. He really, truly meant them...

I was now sobbing. "WHAT?" I screamed in disbelief.

"BECAUSE I WAS AFRAID OF LOSING YOU." Alvin yelled. "BECAUSE IF WE WERE TOGETHER, MY GREATEST FEAR WOULD BE LOSING YOU. THAT'S WHY I DIDN'T TELL YOU. THAT'S WHY I HAD BEEN SO DISTANT WITH YOU. DO YOU THINK I WOULD CARE IF I LOST VICTORIA? I COULDN'T BE WITH YOU BECAUSE I KNEW I WOULD NEVER BE ABLE TO LET YOU GO. I WAS SCARED THAT I WOULD SOMEHOW LOSE YOU!"

I said nothing, unable to speak, unable to believe the words Alvin just said...

Alvin walked closer to me, this time, leaning into me so we wouldn't have to scream over the rain and wind. "So please..." He breathed. "Don't walk away from me. I don't want to lose you again."

I felt my arms and legs go weak. My chest was beating abnormally fast, and tears and raindrops came and fell. Despite how drenched we were from the rain, and how freezing cold we were, Alvin and I stared at each other as if nothing else in the world mattered. As if the sun, snow, rain or hail couldn't stop us. I was staring into the eyes of the the boy I've known for 15 years. The boy who grew up to be my lifelong enemy, my lifelong best friend, the boy I hated, loved, trusted, doubted, shared all those countless memories with...

And after another moment of pure heart-twisting silence, as we continued to stand there in the rain, as tear of agony fell down my cheeks, and with each heavy breath and unsteady heartbeat, Alvin asked me the same question he asked 10 days ago.

"Do you still love me?" He whispered.

And this time, I didn't hesitate to answer.

"Yes."

And after I said that 3 letter word, we returned to gazing into each other's eyes. 1 minute passed, then 2...

Then finally, Alvin sighed and nodded. "I just needed to hear you say that before we leave each other for good." He whispered.

I didn't blink. "What?"

Alvin didn't say anything for a long time. Then he turned away from me. "I don't deserve you. You deserve someone better than me. I have to let you go. I have to let you make your own choice." He said quietly. "You're with Anthony. You love him, and he loves you."

I felt myself die on the inside. I felt like I was going to start hyperventillating. "N-No." I said, and Alvin returned his gaze to me. "No."

"What-"

I couldn't fight this feeling anymore. Before Alvin could finish talking, I ran into him, into his arms, almost knocking the both of us down, wrapped my arms around his neck, and - almost in a dangerous matter - pressed my lips onto his. I felt him freeze, but after half a second, he seemed to have relaxed, and I felt his arms snake around my waist. He kissed me softly, and I didn't want to let go. He didn't want to let go either. But after a while, his lips became more urgent against mine, and I felt my heart explode. He pulled my frame closer to his body, and my fingers made their way to his soft wet hair, where my fingers carefully knotted into it. I heard both of our breathing go faster, and it felt like forever. I parted my lips, and felt his tongue play it's way into my mouth. And I couldn't back away, as I eagerly returned the favor. I needed him, I wanted him, I love him...

Our lips, our faces, and our hearts were connected for the first time. This was our first kiss.

And after what seemed like an hour, which in reality was probably 2 minutes, Alvin and I pulled away from our kiss, but he never let go of my body, and I never unwrapped my arms from his neck. I was still crying, but we gazed into each other's eyes for the longest time, and he leaned in so our foreheads were touching. My heart was beating so fast from the intense heat that was just shared between us, that I almost felt dizzy. I wanted more of him. The way Alvin looked into my eyes told me that he was madly in love with me - the same way I felt for him.

"Don't leave me." I whispered behind my tears.

"Never." Alvin whispered, and he gently caressed my left cheek with his thumb. I smiled at him as new tears rolled down my cheeks. "I lov-"

"WHAT THE HELL?"

I felt all the blood leave my face and gasped. Alvin looked up and stared past me, and I felt him go all tense. Alvin slowly unwrapped his arms from me, but he still held me close. I let go of him and grabbed onto his arm as I shut my eyes close, feeling my heart jump in an extremely bad way. I finally opened them to see the person who stood there, watching mine and Alvin's every move. And just like I had thought, he stood there in the rain, red with anger, confusion, disbelief and heartbreak, seeing how I just broke his heart _again_.

Anthony.

* * *

**DSAFJDSFJASDJLASD *SPAZZ ATTACK***

**OHMYGOD. ALVIN AND BRITTANY...FINALLY, FINALLY _FINALLY_!**

**You guys have NOO idea how good it feels to write AxB stuff again. It's been WAY to freakin long!**

**BUT THEY KISSED. THEY FINALLY ADMITTED THEIR LOVE FOR EACH OTHER AND THEY KISSED! BUT ANTHONY SAW THE WHOLE THING OMFGGGG!**

**Hope you enjoyed the chapter! Thanks SO MUCH for reading, and PLEASE review! Can't wait to read your reactions on this chapter! Xoxo**


	38. Fight for me

My heart was beating so fast and so short, it seemed unhealthy and inhumane. Despite how hard the rain was pouring right now, it couldn't compare to the glares Anthony was giving me. I knew he was coming back today from his Science and Math trip, but that totally left my mind when my eyes caught Alvin's eyes, making us realize how wrong we were, yet right, making us learn that we were the only ones for each other.

But Anthony saw the whole thing. Alvin and I were unaware of his presence - we didn't even know he was there, watching our every move. But Anthony stood there, drenched in rain, with his suitcase limp in his hands, looking at me with hurt and agonized eyes.

Alvin and I were both soaking wet from the ice cold rain that fell upon us, but we didn't move. Alvin kept a tight grasp on my shoulder, pulling my shaking body close to his. My trembling fingers were locked on his arm, unable to let go - not wanting to let go. I tried biting my lips to prevent tears, but that was literally impossible. The tears of love and guilt would not stop falling down my face.

Anthony stood at least 15 feet away from us, but as far away as he was, I could sense the great amount of pain, heartbreak and disbelief he was feeling. And it was all because of me - again.

This was the second time I had broken Anthony's heart. The first time was an unexpected exception, but now, seeing how Alvin and I kissed with a passion that showed clear infatuation, he knew that I had now hurt him for good.

None of us said a word. Alvin was looking at Anthony, while Anthony glared at me. I looked away, screaming on the inside, not knowing what do to. I gulped, knowing that everything was because of me. I was the cause of all this, and I was in the middle of all this. So I knew I had to be the first one to speak up.

I tilted my head up to look at Alvin. "Alvin..." I whispered behind tears.

He looked down at me. I sighed to myself, feeling my heart jump at the gorgeous sight of his golden eyes looking down at me, his soft bronze hair dripping wet from the rain, and the way he looked into my eyes, looking at me as if he never wanted me out of his sight. He sighed deeply. "Britt, you don't have to do this." He whispered.

I closed my eyes. "I have to tell him."

"He already knows." Alvin said. "He saw everything."

I opened my eyes to look back into Alvin's eyes. "I hurt him once, and now I've done it again." I whispered, my voice breaking. "I can't do this to him."

Alvin inhaled deeply, never breaking his gaze from me. "Brittany, it-"

"Alvin, please." I said. "You know what Anthony's feeling right now. You went through the same thing."

Alvin closed his mouth and stared at me with hard eyes.

"I-I...I still care about him." I whispered truthfully, and I felt Alvin's gaze go even deeper. But I gripped onto Alvin's arm even tighter. I looked into his eyes for about 5 seconds before finally saying, "But I choose you. I want you, and only you."

Despite everything, I knew I would always choose Alvin in the end. In the cruel months of loving Alvin, no matter how many times I've gotten my heart shattered, no matter how many times I've cried, screamed, made the stupid decision of running away, my heart told me that Alvin would always be the one, despite how much he has put me through.

And despite how much Anthony loves me, protects me, treats me like gold, looks after me and cares about me, my heart told me that choosing Anthony would not be right at all...

"I choose you, Alvin." I whispered again, as tears and raindrops rolled down my face. "I want to be with you, but...but you have to let me do this. You have to let me talk to him."

Alvin closed his eyes for about 2 seconds before looking at me again. He sighed, released me from his soft grasp, and nodded.

I took one more look at Alvin, wanting to tell him that I love him, but as of now, I couldn't. I sighed, feeling my heart pump voluminously, before I started to make my way towards Anthony. I only took about 7 steps, until I was sure I was standing right between Alvin and Anthony. I didn't know what to do now. My head and my heart were so full of mixed emotions right now, it made me feel light headed.

The emotions I felt jumped around my head, making me feel confused and dizzy at the same time. I felt fireworks go off inside of me, knowing that Alvin loves me, and that he will always love me. But those fireworks died at the same time, knowing that I had hurt Anthony - the boy who was there for me when Alvin wasn't.

But like I said, it'll always be Alvin. It had always been Alvin.

I tucked a strand of my wet hair behind my ear, then looked up to look at Anthony. The two of us looked at each other for a long time. And in that moment, memories of us flew back in my mind. Even though I've only known Anthony for about 4 months, we've been through so much. I've said this a million times, but Anthony really is the most sweetest and most caring boy I've ever met. And it was so clear that he was in love with me. And I made him believe that I love him, which I really did. But in the end, I had to choose the boy my heart has been telling me to choose all along...

I was stuck in the same situation as Victoria.

Victoria fell in love with both Alvin and Daniel, but in the end, she chose Daniel because that was what her gut told her.

But unlike Victoria, I felt bad, horrible and regretful that I was doing this. But I knew what I had to do. I had to break one more heart. I had to end things with Anthony.

I waited a few seconds before finally speaking up. "Anthony, I...I-"

"Let me guess." Anthony fired bitterly. "You're sorry?"

I gulped, unable to find words that could explain how I was feeling right now. I couldn't find words to measure up to how bad I was feeling, how terrible I feel for hurting him, for cheating on him, for telling him I loved him when in the end, I was going to choose someone else.

Anthony shook his head in disgust. "This is how you repay me? I leave for 10 days, and you decide to crawl back to the boy who broke your heart in the first place?"

I didn't dare to turn around to see Alvin's reaction.

"Look, it's not-"

"Let me remind you, Brittany, that you came running to ME because he didn't pick you!" Anthony fired, pointing behind me to point at Alvin. "You came to me. And even though I was still heartbroken from the first time you hurt me, I still took you back. Do you know why? Because I loved you! I loved you, and because I did, I didn't want you to be alone."

I shut my mouth, listening to him. It hurt to hear him say all of these things because it made me feel like some sort of monster. Like some sort of murderer.

"I thought this past month meant something." Anthony continued. "I actually thought our relationship was actually going okay. I mean, you told me you loved me!"

I looked down to the ground. "I...I know, but-"

"No, you don't know anything!" Anthony shot. "You told me that falling in love with Alvin was a mistake."

I froze, afraid to turn around to look at Alvin. I just wanted Anthony to shut his mouth. But I was hoping that Alvin would understand, and realize that all those horrible things I said about him were said out of anger, and that they were nowhere near the truth.

Anthony continued. "I've done everything for you, Brittany. I loved you, and I wanted you to be happy. Hell, you even said that I treat you better than how Alvin treats you! You told me that you were happier with me, and that falling for Alvin was nothing but a waste of time!"

"Anthony, st-"

"And this is how you pay me back? After all I've done, after all you've said to me, after saying that you wanted to be with me, you go behind my back and choose Alvin?" He yelled.

I was startled to hear his voice in this tone. And to be honest, it kinda scared me.

"You ran to me, apologizing to me, and basically asking me to take you back. And I did." Fired Anthony. "And you promised me that you would never hurt me again. But I guess we both know that you can't keep your secrets. You never can. Everything you said to me was a complete lie. Lies, Brittany."

"No, Anthony!" I pleaded. "I..."

But I knew that even if I said something, it wouldn't matter. Because no amount of apologies can ever mend the pain and heartache I just brought to Anthony. I'm a monster. He was right. I've told him I loved him, I talked badly about Alvin because I was mad, and I said that I will always be there for him. But seeing how I couldn't fight my feelings, and how I chose Alvin, made me realize that I was almost as bad as _her_.

Almost as bad as Victoria. And just hearing me say that in my mind, realizing how true it is, made me sick. Not because I was comparing myself to her, but because of all the things I've said about Victoria. I've called Victoria a two timing cheat, when all along, I was one too...

"Exactly. You have nothing to say." Said Anthony, seeing how I was unable to continue speaking. "I don't need to hear more from you, Brittany. I don't listen to people like you - to liars."

_LIAR_.

That one word brought back everything. From that night when Alvin himself, called me a liar, when he chose Victoria, when I got back with Anthony, and how Alvin realized that all along, I was never the liar, and that it was always Victoria.

But I didn't care about the memories now. Being called a liar by Alvin was hurtful enough, knowing that the boy I was in love with called me that. And even though Alvin has realized the truth, the memory of him calling me that still burned freshly in my mind. Being called a liar once was bad enough. But twice...I couldn't take it anymore.

New fresh tears began to fall, but before I could open my mouth to speak, I heard someone come up behind me, and before I could take one breath, Alvin was now standing right beside me. I looked up at him and was shocked to see him so furious. I've seen him furious before, but never like this. But he didn't look down at me. He kept his hard gaze straight at Anthony.

"Do _not _call her that." Alvin said, with a voice that dripped with life threatening venom.

Anthony darted his eyes to Alvin. "Don't tell me what to do, Alvin, seeing how YOU were the one who called her a liar first!"

Alvin said nothing at first, knowing that Anthony was right. Then Alvin shook his head. "That's a mistake I know I can never undo." He shot. "But don't call her that. You don't even know her."

"I do, actually." Fired Anthony. "I was there for her when you weren't. I loved her when you didn't. She told me everything because you acted like a complete jerk to her. And she actually loved me because she lost all respect for you."

I stared at Anthony in disbelief.

"Fine." Alvin shot. "I know what I did was wrong, and that it's unforgivable. And letting Brittany go has been the stupidest choice I've ever made in my life. But you don't know her like I do. You never will. No one does. And no one will never love her as much as I love her."

"You just love her now because she came crawling back to you." Anthony shot. "What about your girlfriend, Victoria?"

I felt steam and anger build up inside of me. "Stop it, Anthony!"

Anthony ignored me. "While you treated Brittany like crap, I treated her how she should be treated. Even Brittany knows that. She knows that I treat her better."

Alvin shook his head. "But because I love her, I'm willing to change for her."

Anthony raised his eyebrows. "You don't deserve Brittany. Like I said, I was there for her when you weren't."

I couldn't stop the tears from falling. I wanted this to stop. And even though I knew I was the only person in the way, I couldn't stop because Alvin nor Anthony would listen to me. They reminded me of myself and Victoria, and how we fought over Alvin. But now, as each heart-wrenching piece of this complicated life of a puzzle came together, it was Anthony and Alvin, fighting over _me_.

"And I admit that I was wrong." Alvin said. "But I love her. You don't even know what-"

"Love her? You sure as hell don't, seeing how you left her in tears all this time!" Anthony exclaimed.

Alvin said nothing, knowing that what Anthony just said was one of his own personal regrets. I knew that Alvin's biggest piece of guilt was making me cry all the time because of him. He knows he's the reason to why I cry myself to sleep. And to hear it come from Anthony's mouth made him feel even more terrible about himself. I know I can't read minds, but I know Alvin too well. And by the change of reaction on his face, I knew my theories were right.

Alvin inhaled deeply. "You may think that, but you know nothing about her. About us."

And right after he said it, the words Alvin and I said to each other - screamed to each other - before we kissed for the first time, came flying back into my mind...

_"I'VE ALWAYS LOVED YOU." Alvin yelled._

_THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU SHOW ME THAT IN THE BEGINNING?" I cried._

_"BECAUSE I WAS SCARED!" He yelled back. "I WAS AFRAID OF FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU!"_

_"WHAT?" I screamed._

_"BECAUSE I WAS AFRAID OF LOSING YOU." Alvin yelled. "BECAUSE IF WE WERE TOGETHER, MY GREATEST FEAR WOULD BE LOSING YOU. THAT'S WHY I DIDN'T TELL YOU. THAT'S WHY I HAD BEEN SO DISTANT WITH YOU. DO YOU THINK I WOULD CARE IF I LOST VICTORIA? I COULDN'T BE WITH YOU BECAUSE I KNEW I WOULD NEVER BE ABLE TO LET YOU GO. I WAS SCARED THAT I WOULD SOMEHOW LOSE YOU!"_

"So? That doesn't mean anything." Anthony fired. "Brittany needs someone who won't emotionally hurt her all the time. And you've done nothing but hurt her. We all know that she loves you, fine, even I can't deny that. But do you really think that being with Brittany is the best for her?"

Alvin said nothing.

"She doesn't need all this. And YOU'RE the only one who's emotionally breaking her apart." Anthony exclaimed. "She needs someone stable in her life. Someone who actually knows how to treat a girl."

"Anthony..." I whispered, feeling scared and frustrated at the same time.

And this time, he finally looked at me. "Brittany, please." He said softly. "I thought we were together. I mean, before I left for my trip, you told me that you love me. Do you know how much I've missed you when I was gone?"

I said nothing.

After noticing my silence, Anthony looked away to the ground. "Were you planning this all along?" He asked. "Were you just waiting for me to leave so you could be with Alvin?"

My mouth dropped open. "No! Of course not!"

He looked back at me, now glaring at me with angry eyes. "Then why did you pick him?"

My heart began to ache. I knew I had an honest answer to his question, but I was just too afraid to admit it - to the both of them. But I couldn't hold it back any longer. I sighed deeply and said, "Because I love him. I've always loved him. It's always been him."

Anthony stared at me, dumbfounded, but he shook his head in disbelief. "That's what you said about me."

I shut my eyes, releasing the lingering tears in my eyes. I inhaled deeply and opened my eyes. My lips were trembling. "I-I'm sorry."

"Please, Brittany." Anthony said quietly, looking at me. "You know who's right for you. Y-You told me yourself. Tell me, who's the one who took you back because you felt lonely, huh? Who's the one who loved you, when no one else did? Who's the one who cared about you, who made you laugh, smile and feel normal again when you had your heart broken? Me, Brittany. I did everything to make you happy again, to help you get over the pain Alvin gave to you."

I was beginning to sob, noticing how damn right Anthony was. But despite how true his words are, I couldn't allow myself to listen to him. "Anthony, I'm s-sorry!"

"Alvin has done NOTHING but hurt you." He fired. "You became an emotional wreck bcause of him. But who was the one who made you feel better? Who, Brittany?"

"Y-You..." I answered between short sobs.

"Then why are you choosing him?" He fired.

I wanted to run away. This feeling was beyond any feeling I've felt in the past. It was indescribable. It felt abnormal. "Because all of this happened because I love him! Anthony, you and I would have never met each other if it weren't for the fact that I fell in love with Alvin!" I cried. "And it always has to come back to the first reason, Anthony. And I'm sorry, but I love him."

And for the first time, I realized that it was true. Every single thing that has happened between me, Alvin, Victoria, Anthony and Daniel happened all because I fell in love with the boy I least expected to fall in love with.

Anthony just stared at me. I looked away, trying to contain my tears. I felt Alvin put his arm around my waist, and pulled me close to him, as if he was afraid he would lose me again. I felt so safe in his arms, and I never wanted him to let go of me. After all this time, after all the hell Alvin has put me through, after all the hell I put him through, we were finally together. I love him more than words could ever describe. And I wasn't sure if Alvin was feeling the same way, but the way he held me told me that he did.

I looked at Anthony again. "W-When I told you that I wanted to be with you, I-I did mean it, I really did." I said. "But I never knew that...that _this _would happen. I never would have guessed that Alvin and I would actually be together."

"So you were using me AGAIN?" He shot.

"NO!" I exclaimed truthfully. "I wasn't! Anthony, I loved you. I did! But...but there's just something inside of me that wouldn't let Alvin go."

"But you loved me." Anthony said.

"I-I did." I whispered.

"Do you still love me?" He asked.

Do I? I didn't need to think this over. No matter how Anthony seemed like a better person for me to be with, I knew I could never ever be with anyone else in the world except for Alvin. It was as if mine and Alvin's rivalry as best friends over these past 15 years was just leading up to this point in our life - to be with one another, to fall in love with one another.

Just like what Miss Miller said, when I spoke to her on the phone, just days before her death. She told me that she always had a feeling between me and Alvin. And also, 10 years ago, when I was 9, when she sat me down at the table, and told me the words that has changed my life 'Don't be afraid to fall in love', the one and only boy she brought up was Alvin Seville. I was 9 years old when she told me about growing up and falling in love. And even though I've tried to ignore those words in the past, they always stuck to my heart. Miss Miller was right. I was going to grow up, fall in love, and be with him for the rest of my life.

It was as if Miss Miller knew about our future all along. It was as if my mother died for a reason...

I looked to the ground. "N-No..."

"I-I-I..." Anthony stuttered. "BUT I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T LOVE HIM!"

I was now crying. "I'm so sorry!" I whispered through thick tears. "Anthony, I'm sorry for hurting you again. But...But you and me, i-it wouldn't have worked out in the end anyway."

"What?" He asked, full of disbelief.

I felt like a broken record, seeing how I was basically repeating everything. "I love Alvin, and I always have." I whispered. "It was always him."

Anthony stood there, absolutely heartbroken, and completely speechless.

I took a deep breath, and said, "So please, don't do this to yourself." I whispered. "I know you can find someone else. I know there's a girl out there somewhere who is perfect for you and who will love you. But Anthony...it's just not me."

Anthony flicked his gaze to Alvin for a brief second, then back at me, staying silent the entire time. Then finally, Anthony spoke up and said, "N-No!"

I looked at him. "Please." I said. "You have to...let me go." I whispered, realizing how I basically repeated Miss Miller's words again. My mother told me that if I loved someone I had to let them go. But the thing was, I didn't let Alvin go because I couldn't. But with Anthony, he has to let me go, even though he still loves me because in the end, I can never pick him.

"No, Brittany." He said. "I still love you!"

I shut my eyes. "Don't do this." I pleaded.

Anthony ignored me. "Brittany, I know that YOU still love m-"

But this time, Alvin, who continued to hold me tight, spoke up. "Leave her alone, Anthony." He fired. "She doesn't-"

"Alvin..." I whispered, cutting him off, not wanting him to get involved.

The two boys ignored me. Anthony looked at Alvin. "What?" He fired. "You wanna say something? Go right ahead."

Alvin looked down at me. My eyes basically pleaded to him, asking him not to say anything. He sighed and looked back at Anthony. "Just please, leave her alone."

Anthony scoffed in disbelief. "You can't tell me what to do." He shot.

I looked at Anthony, and was about to open my mouth to say something, but I felt Alvin unwrap his arm away from me, and he took a step towards Anthony. I tried pulling him back, but Alvin pulled his arm away. He was now standing face to face with Anthony. "Look. For Brittany's sake, I'm not gonna fight you because I know she still cares about you as a friend, but if you don't stay away from her, then you're basically asking me to hurt you."

Anthony laughed once. "I'd like to see you try."

I almost burst into tears. But I saw Alvin take one more deep breath, holding himself back from taking a swing at him, and he turned away without saying a word. He walked back to me, looked at me, wiped my tears away with his fingers, and whispered, "Let's go."

I nodded immediately, and without taking one more look at Anthony, I turned away. My legs were too weak from standing on it's own for too long, so Alvin basically had to pull me on my feet. But just when things seemed to already be at it's worse, Anthony's voice called behind us.

"Don't walk away from me, Brittany." Said Anthony, darkly. "You _know _Alvin's just using you. He's using you because he doesn't have anyone else! He doesn't even love you!"

And this time, I could feel the anger rise up in Alvin. He let go of me, and walked back to Anthony. I turned around, terrified. I sprinted back to the both of them. "Alvin, please." I sobbed, pulling on his arm.

He ignored me and looked at Anthony. "Wanna say that again?" He threatened.

Anthony glared back into his face. "What are you gonna do about it?"

"Alvin, let's go." I demanded between tears, still trying to pull him back.

But Alvin pulled his arm away from me, almost making me topple backwards, and before I knew it, Alvin had swung his fist across Anthony's face. Anthony took a step back, holding his cheek, and I could see a deep red color starting to form. I stood there, speechless.

Alvin walked back to me, but I looked at him through terrified eyes. Alvin noticed my expression, so he put one hand on my cheek and whispered. "I'm sorry."

I just stood there, saying nothing. But I broke the silence after 5 seconds. "Alvin, I just want to get out of here." I whispered weakly.

He nodded, and again, pulled me close to him as we began to walk away. I was sobbing as we walked, and as we walked, Alvin continued to apologize over and over again. I wasn't mad at him, I was just scared. I have never seen Alvin act like that. I have never seen him act so violent. It just wasn't him. But I knew he did that to protect me. But as we walked away, the unexpected happened.

"Britt, I am so sorr-"

But Alvin was cut off, as he suddenly fell to the floor.

I gasped, and jumped away, startled when Alvin's arm draped off of me. I looked at the floor, and my eyes widended when I saw Alvin's limp body. "ALVIN!" I screamed, running over to him. Then my eyes darted over to the side where a heavy black suitcase laid on the ground. And that's when I looked up, to see Anthony standing there, in the position of the action he had just done - hitting Alvin in the back of the head with his suitcase.

I felt my heart stop.

I put my hand on Alvin's head, and saw drops of blood leak out of the side from the heavy hit. My fingers were now covered in blood and I began to cry hysterically. "Alvin, God, no..." I whispered. Then I looked up at Anthony though salty tears. I didn't have the strength to scream. "H-How could you?" I whispered.

Anthony just looked at me, but what shocked me the most was the fact that Anthony was looking absolutely mortified. "I-I-I..." He stuttered, but before anything else, he ran away.

And he was gone just like that, leaving me, crouched on the ground, crying beside the limp, unconscious body of the boy I love.

I didn't know what to do. My mind and heart were exploding with fear. I reached my trembling, bloody fingers into my pocket, pulled out my cell phone, and dialed a number. I was getting impatient after 1 ring, but after 3 rings, it finally picked up.

"Hel-"

"Simon, it's me, Brittany." I cried into the phone, not having enough patience to hear a 'hello'. "You and Theodore have to come..."

"Come? Where? And why are you crying?" Simon asked me through the phone. "Brittany, what's going on? Where are you?"

"In front of the building." I sobbed. "It's Alvin. I...He's hurt."

"Hurt?" Exclaimed Simon.

"Just hurry, please." I whispered, before hearing the line cut off. I looked at Alvin again, and I began to cry uncontrollably. I already lost my mother, I almost lost my little sister, I almost lost my life, but none of that can compare to this right now. I just can't lose Alvin, not now, not ever...

* * *

**OMG :'( What's gonna happen now? Will Alvin be okay? And what about Anthony! The jerk frickin ran away after hitting Alvin on the head with his GODDAMN SUITCASE! And will Brittany be okay?**

**And the newest Chipwrecked trailer was AMAZING! I cant wait any longer for the movie!**

**Thanks so much for reading, and PLEASE PLEASE review! I'm not stopping this story just yet ;) Thankyouu!**


	39. Don't leave me

As I waited for Simon and Theodore to arrive, I never left Alvin's side. Of course I wouldn't. I would never leave his side, like how he promised me he would never ever leave me. But as each second went by, I could hear my heart pump harder and faster in my ears. As each second went by, I was getting more impatient. As each second went by, I felt like I was running out of time.

I was on my knees, kneeling beside Alvin's body. But the weather didn't let up. In fact, it got even worse. Millions upon millions of raindrops were falling down upon us. The harsh wind was making my hair fly in front of my face, obstructing my view. The loud crashes of thunder rang in my ears, and from the corners of my eyes, I could see the quick flashes of lightning. Even though it was still early in the morning, the terrible dark weather made it seem like it was dusk.

I pushed the strands of my rain-wet hair out of my face. Tears couldn't stop falling. As each gut wrenching moment went by, a new batch of tears would fall. I've cried way too many times in the past, but this was different. No words can ever explain the agony I was feeling, seeing the boy I was truly in love with, on the ground with his eyes closed, unconscious and bleeding from the side of his head.

And it was all my fault.

I know Anthony was the one who put Alvin in this condition, but in a way, I couldn't help but take all the blame. If it weren't for my selflessness, this wouldn't have happened. Because I was so afraid of my feelings for Alvin, I ran to Anthony, and begged him to take me back. But even though I've told Anthony I love him, did I really? Because now, thinking back about it, going back to Anthony seemed like a way of running and hiding from my true feeings. Did I even love him at all? Because deep inside, I knew that my heart had always belonged to Alvin, and only Alvin.

Telling Anthony that I loved him was a mistake. Making Anthony fall in love with me was a mistake. If it weren't for the fact that Anthony fell in love with me, when I was just going to break his heart anyway, none of this would have ever happened. It all just seems unreal now, as if it was a way to cover up...

What did I do? Everything I did seemed to affect everyone - Anthony, Victoria, Daniel, Simon, Theodore, my sisters...

But it seemed to have the greatest affect on me and Alvin - the two people in the world who were least likely to fall in love, especially with each other. In the 15 years of knowing him, we've grown up to be best friends, who were also worst enemies at the same time. And the chances of us falling in love in the future seemed to be one to a trillion.

But after all those years of fighting and arguing with each other, the thing that was least likely to happen, happened. Alvin and I fell in love, and despite the unbelievably rough path we've endured to get to this point, I knew I would never ever regret it.

I love Alvin in a way that almost seems impossible. I love him so much with all my heart, life and soul, I knew I would do anything and everything to protect him. And Alvin just isn't 'That boy' who I just met. No. I've known him all my life, and over those years, we've learned so much about each other. We learned to trust one another, to be best friends, worst enemies.

But we learned the most important thing of all - we love each other so much, as if we were somehow made for each other. As if the hell we've been through was worth it. We love each other too much, in fact, that we were willing to go through everything, to use every single ounce of pain and heartbreak, because of how much we love each other - how we have _always _loved each other.

When we were younger, when my sisters and I just met Alvin and his brothers for the first time, I thought the friendship between me and Alvin was like some sort of curse. But now, our relationship towards each other is one of the most valuable things in my life. That's why our relationship as friends is one of the most unique kind out there.

Earlier, just moments before Anthony appeared, Alvin told me the real reason to why he didn't tell me how he really felt about me. He said that his greatest fear was losing me. But all along, he always loved me, but was just too afraid to tell me because he knew he could never let me go. He was afraid of falling in love with me...

_'Don't be afraid to fall in love'_

Even though it's been nearly 10 years since the first time my late mother has said those words to me, they were always locked in my heart. Even to this very day, those words are still fresh in my mind, as if I had just heard them for the first time today.

But like Alvin said, he was scared of losing me. But I was stuck in the wrong situation. As I looked down at Alvin, my heart started to explode, knowing that _I _was terrified of losing him.

I broke down in short, hysterical sobs. I didn't care if I was soaking wet from head to toe, or that I was kneeling on the cold wet cement. The only thing that I wanted was for Alvin to open his eyes, and look at me, so I would know that he's alright.

But that didn't happen. As I cried, I leaned forward, almost touching the ground with the top of my head, and buried my face in my hands. I couldn't breathe. My lungs felt like they were going to rip, like they were going to pop. I wanted Alvin to wake up. I wanted him to look into my eyes once more. I wanted him to hold me. And I wanted him to tell me he loves me.

And I wanted to tell him that I love him back.

I put my trembling hand on his head, getting blood on my fingers again. My lips began to shake. "Alvin, please..." I whispered.

But he didn't wake up. The only sounds that I could hear were the pitter patters of the raindrops, the breeze of the hard wind, the distant crashes of thunder, and my unsteady heartbeat within my ears.

"Alvin, wake up, please." I sobbed.

This felt exactly like the time when Eleanor collapsed on the floor. I'm just so grateful that my little sister recovered without a scratch, but I can't go through it again. Having Eleanor faint like that, scared me to death. But now, seeing how Alvin wasn't waking up, and how badly he was bleeding, was more than a death-like feeling. A hell-like feeling couldn't explain it either. Seeing him like this just murdered my heart. Words could never describe this. But I need him. I need him here with me.

I gently ran my fingers through his bronze hair, and closed my eyes. "I know you're still here." I whispered shakily.

But even I couldn't keep my hopes up.

"I'm never going to leave you." I whispered, feeling hot tears roll down my cheeks. "I'll never ever leave you. But...B-But you can't leave me either."

And that's when I completely lost it.

I burst into even more sobs, feeling my chest hurting in pain, as if it was about to burst. "You can't leave me!" I screamed weakly, covering my tear-stained face with one trembling hand. "You can't leave me, Alvin!"

But as I continued to sob, I heard footsteps running towards me. It sounded like more than one person, and I knew exactly who they were. I looked up and saw Theodore and Simon, along with Jeanette and Eleanor by their side. And then the four of them spotted me at the same time. They stared at me for a long time, but once they saw who's body I was kneeling beside, every single one of their faces turned pale. They ran over to me, all looking terrified, and absolutely speechless.

"ALVIN!" Theodore yelled, when he saw his older brother. He instantly got down on his knees on the other side of Alvin, and stared at him in shock.

"Call 911." I pleaded in a whisper, looking up at Simon, Jeanette and Eleanor.

Eleanor, still shocked and hit with grief, nodded weakly as she pulled out her cell phone.

I saw Simon turn to Jeanette. My sister had tears in her eyes. "Jeanette, call Dave and tell him he needs to get over here." Said Simon.

Jeanette nodded immediately, and shoved her hand in her right pocket to pull out her cell phone.

And in that moment, seeing how my sisters and Alvin's brothers were panicking with fright, I was beginning to lose it even more. I gripped onto Alvin's arm. "Alvin, please!" I screamed in a whisper. "Stop doing this to me!"

Simon and Theodore both looked at me. Theodore looked straight at me. "Brittany, wh-"

"Don't leave me, please!" I screamed, holding onto Alvin's arm tighter. My voice was beginning to crack.

Then Simon turned to me. "Brittany, don't do this to your-"

"NO!" I screamed, looking straight at Simon. "I won't let him leave us! I won't let him leave me!"

Simon pulled on my arm, making me stand up, and pulled the two of us at least 5 steps away. I tried escaping from his grasp. I tried pulling away, I tried hitting Simon's hand away, but he just wouldn't let go.

I glared at Simon through hard, tear-filled eyes. "Let go of me."

He released me, but stood in my way. "Theodore and I are not going to let you do something to hurt yourself."

"I'm not!" I yelled.

"You've got to relax, Brittany." Said Simon.

I tried running back to Alvin, but Simon kept on blocking me. "God, Simon, MOVE!"

"No! You've got to calm down first before you do something stupid again!" Exclaimed Simon. "Remember the last stupid thing you did? You ran away for 2 whole weeks, leaving all of us worried sick. And you're just lucky that I was at the right place at the right time to find you!"

I turned away, feeling guilt hit me hard in the chest.

"Please, Brittany. For mine and Theodore's sake, for your sisters' sake, and especially for Alvin's." Said Simon.

I closed my eyes, having short breaths escape from my mouth. I said nothing for a moment, before finally having the strength to talk again. "I...I'm just so scared."

"We all are, Brittany." Said Simon. "But you can't do this to yourself. You can't think that Alvin is going to leave you, because he won't. He's gonna be...alright."

"You don't know that for sure." I cried, looking up at him. "Miss Miller died because she was sick. But look at Alvin! H-He's not waking up..."

Simon sighed, and said nothing for a long time, as if trying to avoid the thoughts and possibilities of his brother's condition right now. After a moment's silence, Simon finally spoke up and said, "What exactly happened to him?"

I tried to say something, but all that came out of my mouth were stutters. And before I knew it, I had burst into tears again, crying short muffled screams. My sisters, Simon and Theodore were as drenched in rain as I was, but they didn't seem to care at all. The only thing we were focused on right now was Alvin.

"Brittany, please." Simon pleaded, sounding weak. "What happened to my brother?"

I looked at him, then down at Theodore, who was still kneeling beside Alvin. Theodore looked up at me when he heard Simon ask the question. They were both looking equally scared. But I didn't say anything. Instead, I turned my gaze to the side, where Anthony's black suitcase laid.

Simon raised his eyebrows. "A suitcase?"

I nodded.

Theodore seemed to understand me immediately. "W-Wait. Are you telling us that he got hit with it or something?" Theodore asked me weakly.

I nodded.

"With the suitcase?" Theodore asked, and I nodded once more. "By who?"

And this time, I used up all my strength to open my mouth. "A-A-Anthony..."

Simon and Theodore froze. Theodore raised his eyebrows. "As in...our roommate?"

"Y-Yes..." I whispered.

"WHAT?" Simon exclaimed.

But before anything else, Eleanor came back to us and said, "The ambulance is coming soon." Then she looked at me with frightened eyes. "Brittany, what happened?"

I just shook my head, unable to speak. I was hoping either Simon or Theodore would tell her, but they both said nothing, both of them full of anger and disbelief. The news shocked them, knowing that their roommate Anthony, the boy they live with, had done this to their older brother.

Then Jeanette came back, but she held her phone out to Simon. "Simon, it's Dave. I told him everything, but he says he needs to talk to you."

Simon took the phone from Jeanette's hand, while Jeanette came over to stand beside me. My sister wrapped an arm around me, and held me close. I began to sob on her shoulder. Jeanette cupped her other hand over her mouth, and she began to cry softly, as was Eleanor. It hurts them too, seeing Alvin like this. He was basically like an older brother to them.

"H-He's bleeding." Jeanette whispered.

I got out of Jeanette's hold, and got on my knees again to kneel beside Alvin. I touched his face, and shut my eyes, feeling my chest ache with agony.

"Dave, he's seriously hurt." Said Simon's voice from the side. "Yeah, Eleanor called them." He paused to listen. Then Simon turned to look back at Alvin before saying, "W-We don't know, Dave. He's bleeding from the side of his head, and he's not waking up."

Simon's words went through my heart like a speeding bullet.

"Dave, calm down." Said Simon, sounding frightened. "T-The ambulance is on it's way." He paused again to listen to his dad. "No. Brittany was the only one with him at the time." Simon paused once more. "Sure."

And to my surprise, Simon walked towards me, and held out the phone. "Britt, Dave says he wants to speak to you."

I didn't want to leave Alvin's side, but I knew I had to. My sisters, Theodore and Simon were here wth him anyway. But as much as it hurt me to do so, I let go of Alvin, took the cell phone from Simon's hand, stood up, and stepped away. I shakily put the phone to my ear.

"Dave?" I whispered into the phone.

"Brittany." Said Dave. It was good to hear Dave's voice again because he was always like a dad to me, Jeanette and Eleanor. And since our mother is now dead, Dave is the only parent figure we can turn to. "Are you okay?"

"I...no." I whispered.

"What happened to Alvin?" Dave asked, in a voice full of worry.

I shut my eyes. "He's hurt." I cried "He got hit on the back of the head, a-and now he's unconscious, and he's bleeding and-"

"He got hit?" Shot Dave. "By who?"

I knew I couldn't say my 'ex boyfriend' because I didn't want to explain the entire past 5 months to Dave, but I knew I had to explain some things. "His roommate." I said with a shaky voice.

"Roommate?" Dave exclaimed furiously. "What? Why?"

I felt tears roll down my cheeks. I knew I also couldn't tell Dave that Alvin and I kissed, and that we love each other because I doubt that Dave would believe me. As Alvin's father, he knows that Alvin and I love to hate one another. And for someone like Dave, who has known me and Alvin since we were little kids, it would seem impossible for the two of us to fall in love. It would sound like a complete joke.

"He..He got mad." I said. "He came back from a trip, and he used his suitcase to hit Alvin."

"Are...are you serious?" Dave asked weakly.

I was beginning to cry even harder now. "I don't know if he's okay, Dave! He's not moving, or waking up or anything! And I just want him to be okay! I can't lose him! I already lost Miss Miller, and I just can't lose anyone else! I especially can't lose Alvin!"

Jeanette, Eleanor, Simon and Theodore all looked up to look at me. The four of them all looked hurt to see me in so much pain because they all know about my feelings for Alvin. They know how much I love him, and how much I care about hm. But they were unaware that Alvin feels the same way about me.

"He's gonna be okay, Brittany." Dave said, but we both knew that words couldn't prove anything until it really happened.

"You have to come." I said. I didn't care if our hometown neighborhood was 5 hours away, and that it would take a really long time to drive up here. Dave just has to see Alvin.

"I will." Dave said, and then I heard him sigh. "I'm just so scared. That's my son..."

More tears fell down my face when I heard Dave's heartbreaking words. "Just come please."

"I'm coming there right now." Said Dave.

"Thank you." I whispered. "Bye." Then I hung up the phone, walked back to everyone else, and handed Jeanette back her phone. Everyone turned to me, silent and still as stone. "Dave's coming."

But before anyone could say something, we heard a sudden ringing alarming sound in the distance. The noise was getting louder and louder, and that's when we spotted a red flashing light on top of a white van. It was the ambulance. Seconds later, paramedics emerged from the ambulance, and they immediately spotted us. They ran over to us with a bunch of medical stuff in their hands, and pulled out a stretcher. It was amazing how quickly the paramedics worked without saying a single word. As Simon, Theodore, Jeanette, Eleanor and I shakily watched from the side, 4 of the 6 paramedics carried Alvin onto the stretcher, while the other 2 stayed behind.

But I felt my heart clench when I saw them roll Alvin into the back of the vehicle.

The female paramedic asked for all the information, and wrote it all down on a clipboard. Simon answered all her questions before the lady handed him the note.

"Are any of you related to him?" Asked the male paramedic.

"We are." Said Theodore, pointing at himself and Simon. "We're his brothers."

The male paramedic nodded. "Alright. If you two would please follow me."

"Where are you taking us?" Asked Simon.

"You two need to go to the hospital with your brother first." Said the guy. "It's required to have at least one person from his family be with him at all times."

I felt my heart drop. It was just like being told I wasn't allowed to see Alvin. But Theodore and Simon turned to me at the same time, looked at me, saw how hurt I was, then turned back to the paramedics.

"Does it have to be a family member?" Asked Simon. "Because I think she should go instead of me." He pointed his finger at me.

The paramedic looked at me and said, "What's your relation to the patient?"

I said nothing at first. I could say 'boyfriend' because I wasn't even sure if Alvin and I were on that level yet. Even though Alvin and I kissed, it doesn't mean that we're together - yet. And besides I couldn't say it out loud with my sisters and Alvin's brothers standing there. I couldn't say it now. Not yet, at least.

"His best friend." I said quietly.

The paramedic sighed and said, "I'm sorry, Miss. But family members are the only people who-"

"I'm willing to let her take my spot." Said Theodore.

Simon nodded. "Sir, can you let her come?"

The paramedic sighed again, but shook his head. "I'm sorry. But only family members are allowed at the moment."

I felt my heart drop to the bottom of my stomach. Theodore and Simon gave me apologetic looks, but I just whisperd, "It's okay." The paramedics nodded, and they led Simon and Theodore towards the ambulance. But just when the 2 paramedics were about to walk back to the ambulance, I suddenly called, "Wait. When can I see him?"

The female turned to look at me. "It all depends on his condition, sweetie. Sorry."

I just stood there, watching as the paramedics, Simon and Theodore got into the back of the ambulance. The engine started up, the red light started to flash, and seconds later, the vehicle drove away. Jeanette and Eleanor came over to me and held me, knowing that I might collapse into tears any second now.

"T-They took him away..." I whispered.

"No, Britt." Whispered Jeanette. "They didn't take him away. But Alvin NEEDS to go to the hospital."

"But why didn't they let me go with him?" I cried. "Why can't I see him?"

"You'll see him again." Eleanor said softly. "They're gonna give us a call once Alvin wakes up."

But then I felt my entire life crash.

"But what if he's not alright?" I asked weakly, staring straight ahead of me with dead eyes, seeing nothing but a blur because of the tears in my eyes. "What if he never wakes up?"

I heard Eleanor gasp, while Jeanette exclaimed, "Brittany! Why are you saying that?"

I turned to my sisters, feeling sick and dizzy. I wanted to see Alvin. I wanted him here with me. I just wanted to be near him. I can't stand another moment of not seeing him. I just need him to be okay. "And we didn't even get a chance to truly tell each other that we love each other!"

Jeanette put both of her hands on my shoulder and stared at me through hard eyes. "You're hurting yourself by saying that. Don't say things like that. Stop being so dramatic, Britt, because you just have to believe that he'll be alright."

I sighed, realizing she was right. But no one will ever understand how I feel. When you felt like this, when you have this fear that the person you love may lose his life at any moment, and you didn't even get to say goodbye, it gives you this tendency where nothing in the world matters but the boy you love. I just had to say what was on my mind. I didn't care if I was being overly dramatic, because in truth, I wasn't. I was just saying what was on my mind, what was in my heart. I needed to let it out.

"I just want him to be safe." I cried weakly. "But what if he's not? What if he's not okay?"

Eleanor looked at me. "Don't ever say that, Brittany." She said. "Alvin will be fine, we promise."

I suddenly stepped away from them, and glared at them with pained and frustrated eyes. "Fine!" I screamed, breathing heavily. "That's what they said about our mother, Eleanor! Miss Miller was fine and healthy, but look where she is now! Our mom is dead!"

Jeanete and Eleanor stared at me, full of hurt and disbelief. Never, have they heard me talk so badly about the death of our mother. Never, have they heard me scream the words 'Dead' and 'Miss Miller' in the same breath before. Out of the three of us, I was the most affected by Miss Miller's death, but it now seemed like it didn't matter to me. But it did, but hearing me explode like that hurt my sisters. And hearing the words play back in my head, hurt me even more. What the hell is happening to me?

"Oh God..." I whispered, as I pulled my two sisters in a tight embrace. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it like that."

They both sighed and looked at me. "We know you didn't mean it." Eleanor said softy. "But Brittany, we promise you that you won't lose anyone else."

* * *

2 weeks later...

I felt like I was losing my mind.

3 days after Alvin left for the hospital, Theodore called us. He said that Dave had arrived, and was staying at a nearby hotel. But he also said that Alvin's injuries were extremely severe. He was suffering from a really heavy concussion, and that he lost a great amount of blood. He needed stitches because has a huge gash on the side of his head, and he has a large bruise on the back of his head from the heavy hit. Imagine having a 20 pound suitcase being thrown at your head.

It made my heart twist, knowing that Alvin was going through all of this because he wanted to protect me.

But the worst news of it all was when Theodore told us that Alvin was put in a coma, and that the doctors aren't sure when he'll wake up...or if he'll wake up.

But after that night when Theodore called, we heard nothing else. My sisters and I haven't heard a word from Simon, Theodore or Dave, regarding Alvin's condition since then. I was beginning to feel frightened. Ever since they took Alvin away to the hospital, I've cried all day, and all night, hoping with all my might that he would be okay, and that he would wake up soon.

Dave pulled the boys out of school for a while. But everyday when I went to class, I would feel weak, thinking about the boy in the hospital - the boy I loved with every nerve in my body, the boy I needed to be next to. But it's been 14 whole days, and I couldn't take it anymore.

Every other day, either Simon, Theodore or Dave would call us, telling us about Alvin's condition. But every conversation would start and end the same - Alvin hasn't woken up yet. Like when Dave called us, 5 days ago...

_"How is he now?" I asked Dave._

_Dave sighed deeply. "Still the same, Brittany. He hasn't even moved an inch."_

_I closed my eyes. "But he'll be alright, right?"_

_Dave paused for a long time. "I wish I could say yes, Brittany, but...but I just don't know."_

That wasn't the answer I was hoping to hear.

It was a cloudy Friday afternoon. It was only 5PM, but the sky was already a blanket of dark midnight blue. I was sitting on the couch in our living room, staring into the flickering fireplace. I just stared at it, with my mind empty, with my heart beating a trillion times per second. I felt dead on the inside. This has been me for the past 2 weeks - tired, dead and scared.

Eleanor sat beside me, with a bag of chips in her hand. She held the bag out and asked, "Want some?"

I shook my head.

Eleanor sighed. She put the bag of chips on the side table drawer, and sighed. "Come on, Brittany. Look, we know that you're worried about Alvin. Jeanette and I are worried about him too. But if you're not gonna talk, then at least eat something!"

I looked at my sister. "I'm not hungry." I said.

"But-"

But she got cut off when we heard one of our cell phones go off. Eleanor and I looked at each other for a few seconds before Jeanette came running from the kitchen, and into the living room.

"Britt, your phone's ringing!" Said Jeanette, passing my cell phone to me.

I took it and looked at the screen. I gasped when I saw the word 'Simon Seville' on the caller ID screen. I began to panic, almost letting my cell phone slip through my fingers. I automatically answered the line and put the phone to my ear. "H-Hello?"

"Brittany..." Said Simon's voice on the other end. "You girls have to come, quick."

* * *

**Another cliffhanger! Sorry guys! But what do you think is happening? Why did Simon call?**

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	40. Two hearts, one love

I froze, feeling my entire face drain of blood, and feeling my body shiver with an ice cold rush.

Eleanor and Jeanette both looked at me. They noticed my sudden shock, and they began to look worried. Eleanor looked at me with hard, yet, scared eyes, while Jeanette came to sit on the other side of me, looking straight at my face, wondering what made me freeze like this.

"Brittany, what's wrong?" Eleanor asked quietly.

I remained as still as stone, still clutching my cell phone to my ear. I was too afraid to ask Simon the questions that were lingering in my mind. Why did we need to go there right now? Why did he sound so urgent? But most importantly, how is Alvin doing?

It's been 2 whole weeks since he collapsed on the ground from getting hit on the head by Anthony. I tried so hard not to think about that moment when he fell onto the ground. Before he blacked out, Alvin had his arm around me while I sobbed on his shoulder. But in that moment, that was when he unexpectedly fell on the floor. I remember screaming and getting on my knees, trying to help him up. But it was no use, he didn't wake up.

I remember seeing blood trickle out of the side of his head. I remember looking up, my eyes a total blur from the thick tears in my eyes, and seeing Anthony there, standing with his arms out, unable to recover his position of hitting Alvin in the back of the head with his suitcase.

I remember being unable to breath, being unable to scream. As I held Alvin's unconscious form in my arms, I looked up at Anthony, and whispered the words 'How could you?' But I can also remember the horrified, mortified and terrified look in Anthony's eyes, as he realized what he just did. And then he ran away, just like that, leaving me on the ground with Alvin in my arms.

"Brittany." Jeanette said quietly, making me snap out of my thoughts.

I turned to her, still keeping silent, too weak to talk at the moment.

"What's happening?" Asked Jeanette.

I almost forgot that Simon was still on the other end of the phone line. I instantly turned my attention back to my cell phone and whispered, "Simon, wh-what do-"

"You and your sisters have to get over here, now." Said Simon.

"Is someting wrong?" I asked in an abrupt whisper, trying to hold myself back from screaming. I was gripping onto my cell phone so tight, I was surpirsed I didn't crack it or anything.

"It's Alvin." Answered Simon.

I felt a train of fright hit me. "Is he okay?"

I heard Simon sigh deeply through the phone. "Well..." He trailed off.

"Goddamn it Simon!" I exclaimed. "This isn't funny! Is Alvin okay?"

Simon laughed lightly. "Relax, Brittany. Alvin's perfectly fine."

I gasped and felt my heart freeze with an emotion that was a trillion times greater than relief. I felt my whole body go numb. My breathing became harder as my heart started to race faster. Tears of joy, tears of heartache, tears of love, pain and comfort started to fall from my eyes. Alvin is okay, he's alive. And I wanted to see him now, I needed to see him now. I haven't seen him for 2 weeks, and I've been worrying my ass off, thinking about him, hoping with all my might that he would wake up soon. And now, he has. And no words can explain the happiness that was pumping throughout my entire body. I've longed to see him ever since they drove him away to the hospital. I felt a part of me die on the inside when he was taken away.

Being in love was such a new and different thing. Being in love is missing someone whenever you're apart, but somehow feeling warm inside because you're close in heart. My heart ached for him, my eyes wanted to see his again, my fingers wanted to intertwine through his again, my arms wanted to wrap around his body again, and I wanted my lips to kiss his again.

"H-H-He..." I stuttered, unable to find words. My heart was still bursting with overwhelming emotions.

Jeanette and Eleanor, who were unable to hear the conversation on the phone between me and Simon, gazed at me with fright.

"Brittany, what's happening? Is Alvin okay?" Eleanor asked.

I turned to them, with tears in my eyes and nodded. "Yeah." I whispered. "He's alright. He's perfectly fine."

Jeanette cupped both of her hands over her mouth, while Eleanor gasped.

"He is?" Asked Jeanette.

I laughed lightly behind the tears and nodded.

"You girls better get here now. Especially you, Brittany." Said Simon. "He's asking for you."

More tears fell after that. "He is?"

"Yeah. He's been asking to see you for the past 2 days now." Said Simon.

"2 days?" I asked. "When did he wake up?"

"Last Wednesday." Answered Simon. "We didn't call you girls back then because the doctors had to make sure that Alvin was completely fine. And he is, but he's still injured pretty badly. He got stitches on the side of his head, and the bruise on the back of his head is still pretty swollen."

"But the important thing is, he's awake." I said quietly, my voice breaking. "And we can come see him now?"

"Yeah, you can. His room is on the second floor, room 211." Said Simon. "And you better get here soon before Alvin drives us crazy with his constant asking to see you."

I laughed lightly behind the tears. "We'll be there soon." I said, before hanging up the phone.

I wasted no more time. With my heart beating a million times a second, I shot up off the couch, urging my sisters to go change out of their PJ's, while I ran into my room and changed into a T-shirt and sweatpants, threw on a sweater, threw on a pair of Ugg boots, and the moment my sisters and I were ready, we all went downstairs to the parking lot and took a taxi to the hospital. And the second the taxi stopped, I got out of the car, and I began to run.

I ran through the parking lot, into the hospital, sprinted up the stairs, and through the hallway. But the hallway seemed to get longer and longer as I ran each step; it felt like forever. Then I spotted the door of room 211. My heart was now racing a trillion times per second, tears were beginning to form in my eyes. My arms and legs felt weak, but with my trembling fingers, I pushed the door open.

And when I saw him, my heart began to burst will love, desire and warmth - something I haven't felt since the day Alvin and I kissed for the very first time.

I first spotted Dave. He was sitting at a table with a steaming cup of liquid; It was probably coffee. Simon was sitting right across from his dad, while Theodore sat on the edge of the hospital bed. But I saved _him _for last. There, on the hospital bed, sat Alvin. His bronze hair was tousled in every way possible as usual, his gold eyes were gleaming from the fluorescent lights, and the way he smiled that gorgeous smile of his, making him look like the handsome bad boy every girl swooned over for.

This was the very first time where I felt my heart beat incredibly fast with love and infatuation, knowing that the boy sitting on the hospital bed was mine. He was in love with me, and I was in love with him. My heart began to swell, filling every vein with tenderness. I felt love flame within me. Every bone in my body was yearning for him.

My sisters caught up with me, as I felt the two of them come up behind me. And with that, hearing the sudden footsteps, Dave, Simon, Theodore and Alvin all looked up to stare at the door. The 7 of us froze for a moment before he finally caught my gaze.

Alvin looked at me, and stared at me for a long time as if he was seeing me for the first time in his life. But then he smiled at me, as if he wanted me to run over to him.

And that's exactly what I did. Unable to hold myself back from him any longer, I ran towards his hospital bed, ran to him, wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him. I didn't care if our family was watching us, I just needed him. Alvin instantly kissed me back softly, pulling me close to him by wrapping one arm around my torso, and putting his other hand on my cheek. As we kissed, I began to cry. The emotions and feelings I was getting right now were indescribable, but it made me feel so alive again.

After a few seconds, we pulled away. But we still kept our faces close to each other. He smiled at me, and wiped my tears away with his fingers. I didn't know what to say to him. Everything seemed too surreal. I was too overwhelmed at the moment to even say something.

Alvin grazed his soft fingers over my tear-stained cheek and said, "Don't cry."

But that just made me cry even harder. "You're awake." I whispered weakly. "You didn't leave me."

He put both of his hands on either side of my face, and held me delicately. "I am never going to leave you." He said softly, but seriously. "You hear me? Never."

I nodded, as he softly pulled my face closer to his again to kiss me once more. But then we heard someone clear their throat. We pulled away, and turned around to look at our family. I almost forgot that they were there. Dave, Simon, Theodore, Jeanette and Eleanor all looked at us in shock, but our siblings smiled at us afterwards. After everything they've seen me and Alvin go through, they now know that we're together and that we love each.

But with Dave, well, he still stared at us in utter shock. He looked extremely dumbfounded. As someone who has been though EVERY single fight of mine and Alvin, someone who has watched us grow up as enemies, somone who has basically been through every part of our lives, I couldn't blame him for being this shocked to see his son and his lifelong enemy kissing, and looking like they were in love.

Theodore automatically noticed his dad's expression. He laughed and said, "Long story, Dave."

"Do I even want to know?" Dave asked.

The six of us just laughed. Alvin sighed and held my hand. I looked at him, and gazed into his eyes for a long time, feeling the insides of my body heat up with the love and yearningness that lingered in my heart. Alvin looked back into my eyes, and sighed deeply, as if thinking that this very moment was the very start of something new. He smiled at me softly, his eyes full of affection. But all of that got interrupted when my sisters walked over to us.

"Hey Alvin." Said Eleanor. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm feeling pretty good." Said Alvin, reaching his fingers to touch the side of his head. "The stitches feel weird though."

"But everything's going alright?" Asked Jeanette.

Alvin looked at me for a brief moment, smiled, then turned back to Jeanette. "Yeah, everything's just fine."

I broke my gazes with Alvin for a moment to look at Dave and Simon, who were still at the table. "Where were you guys when Alvin woke up?"

Simon laughed. "We were all in here, actually. But Alvin started to move, and we all started to panic. Theodore ran outside to get the doctor, while Dave and I stayed here with Alvin. We were all freaking out. But Dave? Well, that's a different story."

I laughed. "Why?"

"Well Dave started to yell at Alvin, even though he wasn't awake yet. Y'know, his regular _'Alvin-this-is-all-your-fault-and-you-put-yourself-in-this-position' _yell." Said Simon.

My sisters and I laughed, while Dave said, "Hey, a dad's gotta do what a dad's gotta do."

Alvin chuckled lightly, then sighed. I looked back at him, and by his facial expression, I could tell that he wanted to talk to me. I wanted to talk to him too, to explain everything, to apologize, and everything. I've been living with this guilt ever since the day I fell in love with him, and now, since Alvin and I are now together, I needed to do more than explaining. Alvin and I just needed to talk about everything.

After a moment's silence, Alvin spoke up. "I appreciate all of you guys being here and everything, but is it alright if Brittany and I speak to each other alone for a moment?"

Jeanette, Simon, Theodore and Eleanor all nodded, while Dave said, "Of course." He looked at our siblings and said, "Let's go guys."

And seconds later, they walked out the door, leaving me and Alvin alone in the room. I sighed as I straightened up my position on his bed. I sighed and looked at him. I had way too many words to say. They felt like venom on my tongue; I needed to let it out, to say it out loud. But I didn't know how to start, I didn't know where to begin.

"I...I'm sorry." I whispered.

Alvin raised his eyebrows. "For what?"

I looked straight at him. "For everything. Everything we've been through, everything we've put each other through. Everything with Victoria and Anthony..." I sighed, and looked away. "It's all my fault."

Alvin took his finger, put it under my chin, and gently tilted my head up so he could look into my eyes. "Brittany, listen to me. Don't ever think that it's your fault, because it isn't. Nothing is your fault."

I shook my head. "Alvin, look at you. You're in this hospital because of me. You fell onto the ground, you were hurt, you were bleeding and you weren't moving, all because of me."

"Britt, it was Anthony wh-"

"Anthony did that to you, because of me!" I exclaimed weakly. "Because I was being so selfless, I hurt Anthony, which resulted into you getting hit on the head with a goddamn suitcase! Because I was just so afraid to admit my feelings to you, I hurt the both of us. Everything that happened between us, with Victoria and Anthony, it was all because of me. I almost cost us our friendship. I almost lost you, and-"

"Brittany, slow down." Alvin said, smirking at me.

I glared at him through tears. "How can you find this amusing?" I shot.

Alvin sighed and said, "I'm not. But you've got to calm down, Britt." He said. "This is all my fault too. Do you even know how much of an asshole I am, knowing that I didn't believe you? When you told me about Victoria, I should have believed you. But I was too stupid and too blind to even listen to you. And because of that, I almost lost you. For a whole month, we'd treated each other like complete strangers. But in that month, I learned something I never knew before."

I just looked at him.

"Brittany, I can't be with anyone else but you." He said, frowning at his guilt. "I don't know what I saw in Victoria. I don't know what it was about her that made me trust her instead of you. I don't know why I chose to listen to her, instead of you."

I turned away from him and sighed deeply to myself.

He touched my arm. "Brittany, I am so sorry for everything I've done to you." He said in a voice that meant pure seriousness. "Every single thing I did that made you cry, every single thing I did to hurt you, I am so sorry."

I was ashamed that I was lightly crying, but I nodded. "I know."

"I was in love with you, Britt. You know that right? But I was too afraid to tell you because I knew I would never let you go. I loved you too much to even want to be with you. You meant so much to me, Brittany, that I just couldn't have you." Said Alvin.

I looked at him. "But you always loved me."

He smiled and nodded. "Yes, I did. So don't blame anything on yourself." He whispered, then he sighed. "Alright, I guess we can both take part of the blame for everything, but that doesn't matter anymore, right? Everything that has happened to us, we need to leave it behind. Everything that happened between us, with Anthony and Victoria was a mistake."

I looked into his eyes and whispered. "It wasn't a mistake."

Alvin looked at me for a few seconds before asking, "What do you mean?"

"Falling in love with the wrong people taught us that we aren't right for anyone else but each other." I said. "You being with Victoria, and me being with Anthony told us that we love each other, and only each other."

Alvin's mouth curved up into a smile. "Sometimes the perfect person to fall in love with is the person whom you least expected it to be."

I laughed lightly, and nodded. "But in the end, the person you least expected to fall in love with has been the right one all along."

"Just promise me that we'll leave everything behind. After 5 months of all this pain and confusion over our feelings, it's over now." He said softly. "We have to forget about everything. This is about you and me now. Anthony and Victoria are out of the picture forever. They won't get in between us, nothing will. We're together now, Britt, and there's nothing in the world I want more than you."

I sighed and smiled, feeling my heart explode. "I know." I said quietly.

"You and I are going to be okay. You know that right?" Alvin asked.

I nodded again. I paused for a moment before saying, "Whenever I think back on all those times we spent apart, do you know what I missed most more than anything? Having someone there for me. Having someone who cares." I said softly.

"You never had to worry about that, Brittany." Alvin answered. "I always cared about you."

"You know, I use to hate the fact that I can never hate you and the fact that I'll always love you no matter what you put me through." I said, smiling softly at him. "No matter what we put each other through, in the end, it was as if it was all worth it."

Alvin intertwined his fingers through mine. "Even though I hardly ever told you how much I care about you, how much you mean to me, it doesn't mean that I never wish I had. If you only knew how much fear I had of losing you then, Britt, you'll understand how much I care about you, how you're the most important thing to me ever. You've always been the most important thing in my life, and you always will be."

I sighed in affection, while Alvin pulled me closer to him so I could be lying next to him. He wrapped one arm around me, while I had my head on his chest. It was silent for a long time, but the moment was perfect. It was just the two of us, in pure silence, holding each other in our arms. Alvin played around with my fingers for a while, while I closed my eyes.

"I missed you." I whispered.

"Hmm?" He asked.

"You were in a coma for 2 weeks, right after we kissed for the first time." I whispered, looking up at him. "I felt so...lonely."

He kissed the top of my head. "Like I said, Brittany, I will never leave you." He whispered softly against my hair. "I won't let you walk away from me. I'll only let you go if you don't want us to be tog-"

"That will never happen, Alvin." I whispered, cutting him off. "I'll never want anyone else but you."

He smiled, and kissed the top of my head again. Then he sighed. "I just can't wait to get out of this damn place." He muttered, changing the subject. "Hospitals suck."

I laughed. "When are you coming back to college?"

"Dave said in about a week or so. My head just needs to recover a bit longer." He said.

"But how are you gonna go back?" I asked quietly.

He raised his eyebrows, looking at me with a face full of confusion. "What?"

I looked away. "Anthony..." I whispered, feeling my body heat up with hatred and anger when I said his name. "He's still your roommate. You still live with him."

Alvin paused for a moment, then he sighed deeply. "I...I don't hate him or anything. He only hit me because he still had feelings for you. I understand that he hit me out of anger because he was mad that you picked me over him. But I don't think he meant it."

I stared at him. "What are you talking about? Alvin, he almost killed you!"

"A suitcase to the head?" Asked Alvin, looking at me with teasing eyes. "That was hardly anything, Britt. I only fell down because I didn't know he was standing right behind me. But if I knew he was, I could have taken him down easily."

I frowned. "And you think that's funny?"

He sighed. "Stop being so serious." He said.

I sighed, but said nothing.

"I'm not mad at him, though. If he's willing to apologize, then I'll accept his apology." Said Alvin.

I looked at him. "Why are you being so nice?"

Alvin looked at me with a face full of seriousness, something I have never seen before. "I just don't want to start any more problems. Like I said, everything with Anthony and Victoria is done. The last thing you and I need is to have them back in our lives."

I sighed and looked down again. Alvin was right. I just had to let everything go. Victoria and Anthony are now just forgotten people in our lives. Yes, they may have impacted our college life a lot, but it was over, they're done for. They're gone now, and Alvin and I aren't planning to see them again for as long as we live. I just had to learn to forget about the past, and just live in the present.

"When I return to college, you and I will start fresh, okay?" Alvin said. "A new relationship."

I nodded, fixed my position so I could cuddle up against his body, and sighed. "Alvin, I want nothing more than to have us be together." I said quietly. "And as much as I want this relationship to work out, do you think it'll work?"

Alvin said nothing for a while. "What do you mean?"

I sighed and looked up into his eyes. "We're 19 years old. You're turning 20 in two months, and we've known each other for 15 years. We've grown up, arguing and fighting over the most useless things. Even to this very day, we still argue as if we're still 10 years old. And whenever we fight, we end up giving each other the silent treatment for a whole week until we're ready to speak to each other again."

"What point are you trying to get at?" Asked Alvin.

I sighed. "What I'm trying to say is, well, what if our constant arguing breaks us apart?"

Alvin paused again, before looking down at me. "Lemme put it as this, Brittany. In our lives, we've probably argued more than a hundred times. But did we ever hate each other in the end?"

I shook my head.

"Exactly. Because at the end of the day, we were still best friends." Said Alvin. "Yeah, we might fight every now and then, but even if we do, if won't matter. I will always be here for you. I'll never leave you."

I smiled and nodded.

"Because the only things that can break us apart is each other." Alvin said.

"But that won't happen." I said. "I promise."

And right after I said that, Alvin put his finger under my chin, tilted my face up, leaned in and kissed me again. The kiss started off light and easy, but as the seconds ticked by, we became more into it, and more passionately agressive. I wrapped my arms around his neck, while he gently, yet eagerly, pulled me closer to him. We kissed as if we never wanted to let go of each other. I felt my heart speed up at an incredibly fast pace. I felt my head go all dizzy, but I didn't pull away from him. We continued to kiss until we couldn't breathe anymore. But after what seemed like forever, we finally pulled away, and stared into each other's eyes as we did.

I knew what he was thinking, because I was thinking the same thing - I fell in love with the person I least expected to fall in love with - my childhood friend, my best friend, my worst enemy...

Our fingers, our lips and our hearts belonged together.

As we stared at each other, we were trying to catch our breaths. But we weren't done. I knew he wanted more, and I wanted more of him. We were about to lean in again, wanting to continue our kissing, but we stopped when we heard the door click open. I unwrapped my arms off of Alvin's neck, and he let go of my waist. We were both expecting to see either Dave or one of our siblings walk in, but in came a middle-aged nurse with bright orange hair.

She looked at us, smiled sweetly, and said, "Mr. Seville?"

"Yeah?" Said Alvin.

The nurse then turned to me. "I'm sorry for interuppting, but Mr. Seville needs to get some rest first."

"No, it's alright. She can stay here." Said Alvin.

But I looked at him and shook my head. "The nurse is right, Alvin. You need to get some sleep."

He frowned. "But-"

"I won't leave." I said softly. "I'll just be right outside. I'll be back once you wake up, I promise."

Alvin sighed, and nodded. "Alright."

I gave him one last kiss, got off the hospital bed, and walked towards the door. I looked back to smile at him one more time before the nurse and I walked out of the room, closing the door behind us.

The orange haired nurse smiled at me. "You two look like you love each other a lot." She said.

I felt my cheeks heat up in embarrassment, but I nodded. "Yeah, we do." I said softly.

"Young love." She said, sighing. "It may be simple, but it's one of the most powerful things in the world. Live through it while it lasts."

I smiled at the nurse. "I agree completely."

The nurse smiled back, then said, "Well, if you'd like, you can wait in the waiting room until Mr. Seville wakes up. I'll bring you to him again after he gets some sleep."

I nodded. "Thank you." I said.

"You're welcome, hon." Said the nurse, before walking away, down another hallway.

I began to make my way down the hallway that led to the waiting room, when I spotted someone at the very end of the hall. He just stood there, with his hands in his pockets. My heart began to flame up with hatred. I gasped, and felt dispisement and hell automatically flood my veins. What the hell is he doing here? How dare he come here, after all he's done! He has the nerve to show his face here, after putting Alvin in this damn hospital? No, I wasn't going to allow it. I wasn't going to let him near Alvin, or anybody else I care about. I never wanted to see his face again. I want him out of here. I want him to leave.

And _I _wanted to make him leave.

And as anger and rage washed over me, I began to storm down the hallway, walking straight towards the spot where _Anthony_ stood.

* * *

**Oh snap D:**

**So what's gonna happen when Brittany and Anthony face each other again, after all that's happened? Why did Anthony run away after hitting Alvin, and most importantly, WHAT THE HECK is he doing at the hospital? I mean, he's the one who put Alvin in the hospital in the first place...**

**And Alvin and Brittany...they're so perfect for each other. I just love how protective they are over one another *Squeals***

**Thanks so much for reading, and PLEASE PLEASE review! I love you all :D**


	41. One final heart to break

**Here's the next chapter! :)**

**Okay, in the previous chapters, I censored out the F word. But I decided not to in this chapter because I thought that it would 'express' the emotions in this chapter more...and yeah :P But I hope I don't offend anyone with the constant swearing. But I just wanted to let you guys know...**

**Anyway, here it is!**

* * *

I honestly couldn't believe Anthony was here. Of all places, after what he's done, he's here.

What the hell is he doing here? How dare he show up, after being the insane asshole who put Alvin in this hospital in the first place! How does he even get the nerve to come here, knowing that I'll be here? He clearly saw the way I dropped to my knees, screaming and crying with all my might, after he hit Alvin to the floor. I never wanted to see him again for as long as I live.

Two weeks ago, when he saw me and Alvin kiss, I felt incredibly terrible because I had hurt him again. It was my second time hurting Anthony, and I had promised myself that I would never hurt anyone else. I mean, Anthony was in love with me. And I thought I loved him back. But there was a part of me that yearned for Alvin, and I knew that my heart will only belong to Alvin and no one else. After one month of acting like total strangers to each others' life, Alvin and I both learned that we can't be with anyone else but each other.

But making Anthony fall in love with me was the biggest mistake of my life. I thought that being with Anthony was a way to leave my feelings for Alvin behind. But I was wrong, it made everything worse. I made Anthony fall in love with me, I made him believe that I was in love with him, but I broke his heart in the end by picking Alvin.

But despite it all, I knew I made the right choice at the end. There's no one in the universe I want more than Alvin. I just wish it all happened without anyone getting hurt. But of course, that didn't happen because _everyone _got hurt.

I did feel bad about what I did to Anthony. He just arrived from his trip from Florida, but the moment he got off the bus, he caught me and Alvin kissing. But the thing that hurt me the most was that I told Anthony I loved him, right before he left for his trip. It hurt me the most because I wasn't only lying to Anthony, but to myself as well. And after being gone for 10 days, Anthony came back, and I broke his heart.

Even though it happened 2 weeks ago, it still affected me as if it had just happened today.

Before Alvin and I got together, I truly believed that I did love Anthony. But now, I realized that all the love I felt for Anthony was really for Alvin...

I hated myself for what I did to him because he didn't deserve it. I mean, as much as I hate thinking back about it, Anthony had treated me better than how Alvin did. But that was back when Alvin and Victoria were together, and when Anthony and I were together. As mine and Alvin's friendship took it's darkest point, almost becoming a distant blur, Anthony was the only guy I could turn to and talk to. And in a way, he somehow replaced Alvin's role as my best friend in my life.

But Anthony and Victoria are out of our lives now. Alvin and I are together, and we were never going to leave each other. Alvin is extremely overprotective of me, as I was of him. And just like what Alvin said to me earlier, this was about us, and no one else. After Alvin and I kissed for the first time, I've never felt closer to him. And that's saying a lot, seeing how close Alvin and I are in the first place, being friends for 15 whole years.

But within the 5 months here in college, it all changed. At one point, Alvin and I refused to talk to each other because we were with different people. But after falling in love with the wrong people, we learned that we couldn't be with anyone else but each other.

At first, I still cared about Anthony as a friend, and I tried explaining to him that I had always loved Alvin, and that I was sorry for all the damage I had done to the both of us. But all of the pity I felt for him died away the moment he did the unexpected - hitting Alvin on the head with his suitcase. The moment Alvin fell to the floor, causing him to black out and making him go into a coma, I lost all respect for Anthony. I get that he was upset, and I knew it was all because of me. But what he did was unacceptable. Alvin didn't wake up for 2 weeks because of him.

Alvin almost died because of him.

But the most pathetic thing was the fact that he ran away. Anthony saw how badly I was cryng as I held Alvin's limp body in my arms. But he didn't even bother to help me, despite that it was entirely his fault. If Anthony actually cared about me, he would have helped me. He wouldn't have left me in the rain, he wouldn't have left Alvin bleeding in my arms, and he most definitely would have run away.

And with that, the only things I now feel towards Anthony were hatred, despisement and hell. No, I actually felt worse. I'm not even sure there are words to express the great amount of hatred I felt towards Anthony. Yes, I was mad that he made Alvin collapse on the ground, but I wouldn't have the need to feel this much hatred if he hadn't have run away. If he would have just helped me, I would have a bit of respect left for him. But since he didn't, it just made the insides of my body flame with anger, as if it was being flooded with venom.

I wanted him to leave. I wanted him to leave, now.

I continued to storm down the hallway. With each step that brought me closer to Anthony, my body began to overflow with heat and fury. I was just holding myself back from running to him and doing something that may later involve the police.

I just held myself back, thinking about my sisters, Simon, Theodore, Dave and most especially Alvin. I didn't want them to deal with another problem, but trust me, it took all of my strength to walk up to him with all of my self control locked up.

Then I finally reached him. My heart was pumping with malice, and my face was red with hostility. And once I was within three feet of him, I stopped. When he heard the sudden halt of footsteps, Anthony turned around. And once he saw me, his entire body froze, and he stared at me without blinking. We said nothing for a long, long time, and I was beginnging to have enough.

"You." I hissed, after a moment's silence.

He gulped silently. "I-"

"What the hell are you doing here?" I asked threateningly.

Anthony seemed to have noticed the tone of my voice because he took a few steps away from me. He said nothing. His mouth was in a hard, straight line.

"Well?" I asked. "Aren't you gonna say something? Or are you just gonna run away again?"

Anthony sighed deeply. "Brittany, I-I..." He trailed off, unable to continue talking.

"Say something or leave, before I do something to get myself into trouble." I said through my teeth, digging my nails into my palms.

Anthony looked at me through frightened eyes. But he sighed once more before saying, "I-I came here to apologize...to Alvin."

I looked at him, unable to believe what he just said. "Sure you are."

"I'm being honest." He said, before he turned to look away from me. "I want to say sorry for what I did to Alvin. That wasn't me." He looked up to stare at me. "Brittany, you know me. I would never do that."

"But why did you though?" I asked bitterly.

Anthony said nothing for the next few seconds. "I...I was mad." He said softly. Then he took a deep breath. "I was hurt."

I said nothing. I shouldn't have asked him in the first place, because I knew I was expecting this answer. Of course he was, it was clear that he was mad because I broke his heart again. And just thinking about it, and hearing Anthony say it, started to hurt me even more. All the anger I felt for Anthony a minute ago died away. He came here to apologize, and it shows how genuine he still is. Like he said, it wasn't him. And I agree with that. But after getting so fed up, something inside him just set off.

I sighed. "Anthony, I'm sorry."

He shook his head. "You don't need to explain anything. We don't need to go through this again."

The tone of his voice showed that he was still hurt. "Look, Anthony. You already know how much I cared about you, and how much I appreciated everything you have done for me. I mean, when I thought I had no one to turn to, you were there for me. When my very own sisters weren't there, when my best friend wasn't there, you-"

"Then why did you pick Alvin?" Anthony asked, cutting me off. "If you're telling me that I was the only one there for you, why did you choose Alvin anyway? You're the one who told me that I was better for you than him!"

I closed my eyes for two seconds. "I...I was wrong about that."

"Wrong?" Shot Anthony.

I looked into his eyes. "I thought we weren't going to talk about this." I said.

"I just want to know why." He said.

I paused for a while. "I've always loved Alvin. It's always been him." I whispered.

"But look at what he's done to you." Anthony said. "You turned into this emotional wreck because of him."

"I know, okay?" I said quietly. "I'm not gonna pretend like nothing has happened because it did. Everything happened. But Anthony, if you even knew me the way Alvin knows me, you would understand."

He shook his head. "But he treated you like crap!"

I sighed in frustration, and looked up at him. "And what about me, huh?" I exclaimed, unable to hold myself back. "I don't care if I'm putting myself down, but look at how I treated you! I treated you the same way Alvin treated me!"

"I don't care." Said Anthony.

I looked at him in disbelief. "What?"

"Brittany, I don't care if you treated me like you had. I still care about you." Said Anthony.

I froze for a moment. "What? No!" I exclaimed. "Anthony, you can't do this to yourself."

"Why not?" He asked.

I was starting to get annoyed. "You know why. Do I even have to tell you? I...I love Alvin, and there's nothing that can take me away from him. I'm sorry, Anthony, but you just have to let this go."

Anthony sighed deeply. "Look, I know you love him. But-"

"But nothing." I said, and I looked straight at him. "Please, if you really care about me, you'll let go of your feelings for me. There are so many girls out there, and I know you'll find someone. But that girl isn't me. It'll never be me."

Anthony looked hurt when I said it. But he kept quiet for at least 15 seconds. "Why did you choose him? After all we've been through, why did you pick him in the end?"

"Anthony, please..." I whispered. "I've told you so many times. And as much as I hate myself for hurting you for what I did, there was still a part of me that wanted Alvin. He loves me, and I love him."

"Oh, so you're telling me that _I_ don't love you?" He fired in disbelief.

"It's different with Alvin..." I said quietly.

"No." He said. "He doesn't even love you. He just came over to you because no one else would!"

I said nothing for a long time. When Anthony said the words 'He doesn't even love you', it bought back the memory of the moment before Alvin collapsed on the floor. Anthony said the exact same thing 2 weeks ago, and hearing that, Alvin stormed over to him and punched Anthony in the face. I remember shaking with fright, unable to believe that Alvin had done that. But because Alvin did, that was when Anthony took his suitcase, and threw it at Alvin.

"Stop it." I said. "You don't know Alvin."

"I know him well enough to know that he doesn't care about you as much as I do!" Exclaimed Anthony.

"And how would you know that?" I fired.

"Do I have to spell it out for you? He ignored you when he was with Victoria. If you were really his best friend, if he really loved you, he would have fought for you!" Shot Anthony. "But what did he do? He hurt you."

"All of that applies to me, if not, even more." I shot. "So don't try and blame anything on Alvin because it was all me, Anthony. You don't even know half of what Alvin and I went through."

"I just don't get why you picked him." He fired quietly.

"Stop it." I said. "Anthony, can you just leave this alone? I'm just trying to hold myself back from anger. I appreciate you coming here, but if you're just gonna continue to attack me like this, when you know that I love Alvin, then you're making a big mistake."

Anthony said nothing and just stared at me.

I sighed. I waited a few seconds before asking, "Why did you run away?"

Anthony remained quiet.

I looked at him hard in the face. "After you hit Alvin, why did you run away?"

Anthony sighed deeply to himself and looked away. "I don't know..." He said quietly. "I guess I was just scared."

"Scared? Why?" I asked.

"Because I would never do that to anyone. I would never dream of hurting anyone. I don't know what got over me that made me do it." He sighed. "But once I saw you drop to your knees, and once I saw that Alvin wasn't moving, I...I thought I killed him."

I felt my heart twist, remembering the feeling I had when Alvin wasn't waking up, and when the blood was flowing out of his head.

"I thought he was dead. I didn't want to get sent to jail. I didn't mean for him to black out like that." He said. "I ran away because...well, I didn't want to be accused as a murderer."

I looked away. "But he didn't wake up for 2 weeks."

"I know. You have no idea what I've been through, after knowing that Alvin was put in the hospital. People at school have been talking about it. But when I heard that he woke up, I-I just had to come." He said quietly. "I had to apologize."

"Well you're damn lucky that he's alive." I whispered, biting back tears.

"I'm sorry." He said.

I just shook my head. "But you almost killed him. 'Sorry' doesn't help anything."

Anthony turned to look at the floor. "You're right, it doesn't. Not compared to everything we've all been through. But Brittany, despite all of this, I still think that you've made the wrong choice."

I shook my head again. "No, I didn't. Anthony, please stop doing this."

"I know you care about Alvin, but I just can't help but think about us." He said. "I can't let you go. I still have feelings for you."

"No, please." I whispered. "Anthony, you have to let me go. I don't want you to get hurt anymore. I truly mean it. Twice is enough. You know that I love Alvin, so please, you have to forget about this."

"But I can't. Everything we've been though, Brittany, doesn't that mean anything to you?" He asked.

"It did." I said. "But compared to everything Alvin and I have been though, 'us' means nothing."

Anthony stared at me, looking extremely hurt at my words. I gulped. I honestly didn't want to say all these words to him, but I figured that the only way for him to let me go was to be harsh to him. If asking him to leave wasn't going to work, then I just had to use words to make him leave. But it still hurts to know that he still loves me, because he has made my life so much better when I had no one, but like I said, nothing can ever take me apart from Alvin. But as much as Anthony still wants me, I couldn't.

I don't want him. I never did.

I sighed. "So please, you have to move on."

Anthony stayed silent.

I looked at him. "I'll help you. I'll help you find a girl for you. But Anthony, it's not me. It'll never be me."

He shook his head. "How can I ever fall for someone else if I still have feelings for you?"

"Don't..." I whispered.

"Brittany, please." He pleaded in a whisper. "I love you."

"No." I whispered.

"I still love you, and I know you're making a mistake by choosing Alvin. He's just going to hurt you again." He said.

"No, he won't. He will nev-"

"But how do you know that for sure?" Shot Anthony.

"I just do." I said truthfully.

He shook his head. "You're making a mistake."

"Stop saying that!" I exclaimed, annoyed. "Fine, we may have emotionally hurt each other, but after reali-"

"You don't know what you're saying." Said Anthony, cutting me off.

"Oh, don't I?" I asked acidly. "Because I'll be thrilled to involve the police in this. Your sorry ass better be grateful that the police aren't even aware of what you've done to Alvin. But that doesn't mean that it'll stay that way."

Anthony glared at me. "You wouldn't."

"Try me." I threatened.

Anthony took a deep sigh, and took one step away from me, knowing that I was dead serious. "Why are you acting like this?" Anthony shot. "Remember how you and me were before all of this? We were barely inseparable! We were with each other all the time. I loved you, and you loved m-"

"Stop." I said icily. "If you say one more thing, then I'll show you how much of a bitch I can be."

Anthony looked at me, full of disbelief. He slightly rolled his eyes and said, "You-"

"I'm not done talking." I fired. "Despite how much I was against you coming here, I left it alone because you were going to apologize to Alvin. But did you just come here to attack me with these words? Did you only come here to tell me that I made a mistake about Alvin? Is that why you really came here, Anthony? Because you thought that I would take you back?"

Anthony said nothing.

"You're pathetic." I hissed. "After you had the guts to take your suitcase and swing it across Alvin's head, after almost killing Alvin, do you think I would go back to you? You'd be insane if you really thought that. Do you think I even love you? After all the damage you've done, I would never pick you over Alvin."

"Yeah? Then how come-"

"I know I've done more damage to everyone's life than you had, but what you did was just unacceptable." I fired. "So don't you dare tell me that I made a mistake over Alvin, because the only mistake I ever made was meeting you!"

Anthony scoffed. "You're just saying that because you love him now. But let me remind you, Brittany, that I loved you when he didn't."

I closed my mouth shut.

"I was there for you when Alvin wasn't. I love you when Alvin didn't. I cared about you when all he could think about was Victoria. I cared about you, Brittany, when he didn't love you." Anthony exclaimed angrily. "I did everything for you. And I actually believed that what we had was real! You think I'm the pathetic one? What about you? You're the one who's too afraid of her own feelings!"

"My feelings were always for Alvin." I shot.

"Then what about all those times when you told me you hated him, and that you regret everything with him?" He asked. "What about all those times you actually told me you loved me?"

His words hit me, but I did my best to remain as I was. The last thing I needed was to show him my guilt. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before opening them once more. "Leave."

"What?" He asked in a whisper.

"I tried my best. Even though Alvin almost lost his life because of you, I gained back a bit of respect for you because you came here to apologize." I said. "But the moment you opened your mouth and spoke, I lost all that respect. All I want is for you to leave. But for my sisters' sake, for Theodore and Simon's sake, and for Alvin's, I don't want to hit you. So please, before I lose it, get out of my face."

"Brittany, st-"

"If you ever come near me again, I'm going to make you regret the day you were born." I whispered, glaring up into his face.

He raised his eyebrows. "Right."

"Fine, don't believe me. At least _I _know I'm being serious. Just get out of me face, and leave me alone." I fired. "I never want you to come near me, or anybody else I know, ever again. I never want you to talk to me, or anything."

We stared at each other for the longest time. Then Anthony shook his head. "I'm not leaving."

I felt steam blow up inside me. "Leave." I said again.

"Brittany, just listen to me." He fired. "Aren't you afraid that Alvin will hurt you again? What if he finds someone else, someone like Victoria? He's gonna leave you, and you'll have no one to go to! But with me, I'll always be there for you."

"Stop." I fired. "You will never understand the-"

But I got cut off when Anthony stepped towards me, placed a hand on the back of my head, and leaned in to press his lips to mine. My eyes widened in shock, and I tried pushing him away. He started to kiss me aggressively, and I began to scream. But he wouldn't let me go. I tried to do anything to escape from his grasp. I tried kicking, pushing and hitting him but his grasp became tighter. Then finally, he took his lips off of mine, and stood back to look at me.

I was breathing heavily out of anger. WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED? I just stood there in shock, unable to speak or move. I took a few steps away from him and said, "What the hell is wrong with you?" I stared at him menacingly, still unable to believe what just happened.

Anthony looked me hard in the eyes. "Brittany, I know you love me too." He whispered.

My mouh slightly dropped opened. What is wrong with this guy? _I had enough_. "Are you serious? What is your prob-"

"Everything you're feeling for Alvin is a lie. You _know _that all of those feelings are for me." Anthony said.

I gaped at him in disbelief. "You sick son of a bitch!" I screamed. And without realizing it, I took my hand, and slapped it across Anthony's face. When I pulled back, I could feel my hand tingle from the strong slap I had just given him. My hand was starting to get a little red, but I didn't care. I felt a bit of self achievement after I slapped him. But it was his fault; How dare he do that?

Anthony stood back, and touched his face, at the spot where I had just hit him. He looked up at me with hard eyes.

"How dare you fucking kiss me?" I screamed, beginning to hit him multiple times. "YOU GODDAMN BASTARD!"

Anthony grabbed both of my arms to keep me from hitting him. But I just started to kick him. "Brittany, stop it."

"DON'T FUCKING TELL ME WHAT TO FUCKING DO, YOU FUCKING PRICK!" I screamed, making my voice echo down the halls. "YOU HAVE THE BALLS TO KISS ME? YOU'RE DISGUSTING!"

"Brittany, I-"

"Do _not_ say my name. You don't even know me. You never had!" I hissed, pulling my arms away from his grasp. "And you're lucky Alvin's father isn't pressing charges on you, because if I were him, I'd let your body rot in jail for the rest of your fucking life!"

"Just say whatever you want to say, but-" Anthony started, but I cut him off.

"LEAVE." I said, raising my voice. I had enough of hearing him talk. "Leave before I call the police. And you bet my ass that I will."

And with that, Anthony knew I was serious. More than serious, if that were even possible. I was so close to reaching into my pocket, and pulling out my cell phone to call the cops. And I _will _do it if Anthony doesn't leave my sight in 10 seconds. I glared at him through eyes full of hatred.

"Touch me again, and you're dead." I said. "If you ever go near me, or Alvin, or anybody else I know and care about, I will make you regret it."

"Fine." He whispered. "You made your choice. You love Alvin, but don't forget who loved you when he didn't."

"Just leave, you fucking loser." I fired in a whisper. I still couldn't believe he forced me into that kiss. It was sickening.

My hands were starting to tremble, and my face started to heat up. I felt like I was losing my mind, like I was about to erupt any second now. I said nothing, and continued to stare at his face. In the short time of knowing him, we've been through a lot. But now, seeing how pathetic Anthony really is, all those memories just drowned away in a pool of hate. I don't know why I was in love with him at one point, but like I said to Alvin, falling in love with the wrong people has taught us that we were in love with each other, and no one else.

I don't know how long Anthony and I stared at each other for, but it felt like forever. But after another minute or so, he sighed, and turned around. But before he walked away, I spoke up.

"Oh, wait." I said, and he turned back around. I walked over to him, reached into my pocket and pulled out the necklace he gave me for Christmas. "And take this thing with you. I don't need it, or want it."

He took it from my hand and clutched onto it. "Fine." He said simply, before staring me hard in the face once more.

And after that, he walked down the hallway and disappeared. And that was it, that was the last time I ever saw Anthony. He was gone, just like that.

The moment I watched Anthony walk away, it was as if a 50 pound weight was lifted off of me. He was gone forever. Alvin and I got rid of Victoria, and now, we got rid of Anthony as well. The 2 people who got in between us were now gone and out of our lives. And like Alvin said, it was about me and him now, and no one else. We were together now, and nothing will ever change that. I just couldn't believe it was over. After 5 months of lying to ourselves about our feelings, we were finally living the truth, finally knowing that we are in love with each other.

I continued to stand there, in the middle of the hallway, unable to get myself back into reality. Who knows how long I've been standing there? 5, 10 minutes at the most? But I finally snapped back into place when I felt my cell phone vibrate in my pocket. I pulled it out, flipped it open, and saw that I got a text from Eleanor.

_Where are you?_

I replied back. _Still in the hospital. Alvin is getting some sleep right now, but I think I'll stick around._

After a few seconds, Eleanor texted me back. _Okay. Jeanette and I know you and Alvin want privacy, so we're going to head back to the dorm now, if that's okay with you. _

I wrote back. _Yeah, that's fine with me._

Eleanor replied back. _Are you coming home later?_

I texted, _I don't know. Maybe. But I think I'll just stay here until Alvin wakes up again._

_Okay. We'll stop by tomorrow morning though. Goodnight._

I sighed and looked at the time. It was almost 7PM. I had nothing else better to do than to wait for Alvin to wake up. I just needed to take my mind off of everything. And I mean _everything_. No more Victoria, no more Anthony, nothing. It was just me and Alvin...

The nurse said that she would get me once Alvin woke up. And as I took one deep sigh, I walked through the many hallways of the hospital before walking into the waiting room. I sat down on one of the couches, and shoved my hands into my pockets. I sighed deeply once more, before yawning. Today has been the craziest day of my life. Today, I got the call that Alvin woke up, my ex-boyfriend came, but I sent him away forever. But the only thing I needed and wanted now was to be in Alvin's arms once more.

But he needed to get some sleep. And as I thought about him, I yawned one more time. And before I knew it, everything in front of my eyes became a blur as I slowly fluttered my eyes shut, slowly and quietly falling asleep.

* * *

**Not really a cliffhanger at the end, but I promise you guys, the next chapter will be cuteee :)**

**GOOD RIDDANCE ANTHONY! It's all about Alvin and Brittany now :D**

**Thanks so much for reading, and PLEASE review! I still hope to get over 1000 reviews, LOL. Love you all, thank youu!**


	42. Love and Promises

_I was alone, standing in front of the big white doors of our college. But the weird thing was that I couldn't even remember how I got here in the first place. I saw nothing, I heard nothing. I took in my surroundings, but everything looked dead; the sky was pale grey, the air was cold, the trees were bare, and besides me, I was the only soul in sight. What's happening? Where exactly was I? Why is it so eerily quiet and so lifeless? Where is everybody?_

_I looked around me, hoping to see someone, or hear someone's voice, anyone's voice, so I would know I wasn't alone. But there was nothing, I was still alone. The air around me was misty cold as if a storm just flew in, but it wasn't even windy. Everything stayed in place, as if it had been frozen still. I stared across the field of the dead, pale grass, looking at the emptiness of it all. I could only hear the faint, sharp breaths coming from my mouth, but in that moment, that's when I heard the sound of a door opening._

_I turned around, looking towards the large white doors of the building. I froze in shock when I saw it swing open on it's own. Seconds later, two faint silhouettes slowly emerged from it. At first, I couldn't tell what it was, or who it was. It was like a blinding light that spilled out the door. I squinted my eyes to try and get a better look, but then I gasped in shock when I saw the two figures more clearly._

_The first figure had long blonde hair. It looked at me before coming into full view. Trotting by her side was a boy with brown hair, who had eyes that pierced through mine. The two figures stopped walking at the same time to look at me. They just stood there, watching me as if they were hunters, and I was the prey._

_I began to scream, but stopped when I realized that no sound was coming out of my mouth. I cupped a hand over my mouth, feeling my throat suddenly go all dry. Tears began to form in my eyes as I looked into the two faces that glared at me. The brown haired boy showed absolutely no emotion on his face, but the blonde smiled at me with pure evil written all over her face._

_It was Anthony and Victoria._

_I blinked once, letting my tears of fear roll down my face. What's happening? Why are they here? Why are they staring at me like this? What do they want from me? But most importantly, where was Alvin? I wanted to see him, I wanted to know where he is. I tried screaming again, but like before, no sounds were escaping my lips. I tried screaming more eagerly, until I was yelling to the point where my throat started to flame up, but it was no use._

_Then everything around me began to drain of color. I watched as the tree trunks became a pale brown and as the cement turned a light pale grey. And within a matter of seconds, everything was either black, white or grey. It was as if a giant vacuum had sucked the life out of everything. The only things left with color were me, Anthony and Victoria. But with all the ghostly emptiness around us, it made me feel like we were colorless as well._

_But before anything else could happen, Victoria strode towards me in a creepy matter, smiling at me with a sinister-like gleam on her face. But she stopped when she was face to face with me. She opened her mouth, and mouthed the word 'Brittany'. But like me, no sounds came out of her mouth._

_I didn't move. I held my breath, feeling frightened to death at what was happening._

_Victoria laughed silently. Her eyes stabbed through my tear filled eyes. Then I saw something behind her move. Anthony looked at me for a long time, while my veins began to flood with hatred. He began to walk towards me. He walked ever so close to me, and leaned in so that our faces were just inches apart. I tried raising my hand to hit him away, but I couldn't move - literally. I couldn't move at all, not even a finger. It felt like I had just been turned into stone._

_Anthony studied me hard for a long time before putting his hand on my cheek. I began to sob, but he didn't back away. He caressed my cheek, and I looked up at him through eyes full of horror and outrage. Anthony opened his mouth, and mouthed the words 'I love you.' But like Victoria, no sounds came out of his mouth._

_I shut my eyes, hoping that once I opened them again, they would be gone. I felt ice cold tears roll down my face. I opened up my eyes, and gasped when I saw what was in my sight. Victoria and Anthony still stood there, but there was a new addition to the group. The newest figure stood in front of the college doors, staring down at the 3 of us with a lifeless face. He stood there, frozen as stone._

_Alvin._

_I instantly began to scream his name over and over again. And then I felt something release me, and before I knew it, I was running to him. I was sprinting over to him like crazy as tears cold as ice rained down my face. My legs and feet were aching, and my lungs were pumping in and out so hard, making me run out of breath so easily. But then I slowed down until I completely stopped running. I looked around me, and my eyes widened. I was still standing in the same spot, as if I hadn't even moved an inch._

_Even though I knew it would be useless, I began to scream Alvin's name again. But as I expected, everything was still on mute. I wanted to run into his arms, and I wanted the two of us to get rid of Victoria and Anthony. I thought we got rid of them forever, but we were wrong. Here they both were, standing just a few feet away from me - from us._

_Alvin began to walk over to us, but stopped when he stood right in front of me. I saw Victoria smile once more before moving to stand beside Alvin. Then Anthony came to stand beside me. I looked into Alvin's pale eyes, unable to breathe as I did so. Victoria turned her head to look at Alvin, and Alvin turned his head to stare into her face. Victoria smiled sweetly at him, while Alvin grinned back. She reached her hand out at him, and Alvin willingly took it in his, holding her tight. I began to scream in silence again, but they didn't turn to look at me. They continued to look into each others' eyes. My mouth dropped open. My heart started to shatter._

_As I tried reaching out towards Alvin, I felt an arm snake around my waist. Anthony held me close to him while leaning in to kiss the side of my head. I began to cry so much, it felt like dying. I tried getting out of Anthony's grasp, but once again, I couldn't move, as if my limbs were glued together. My heart shook with pain and confusion as I watched Victoria and Alvin. I thought everything was suppose to be okay! I thought Victoria and Anthony were gone forever. I thought me and Alvin were together! But as Anthony held me, and as Alvin held Victoria, I felt that I was wrong. I felt myself die on the inside._

_"ALVIN!" I screamed at the top of my lungs behind tears, making the very first sound between the four of us. "Alvin, what's happening?"_

_Alvin broke gazes with Victoria and looked at me. He didn't take his eyes off of mine for the next 10 seconds or so, watching me with an annoyed expression on his face. Alvin continued to look at me with hard eyes. My breathing became more short and heavy as each second went by. But after a minute, Alvin let go of Victoria's hand, and slowly walked towards me._

_"I-I thought we were together! I thought you loved me!" I cried, my voice breaking as I said each word._

_Alvin stopped walking when he stood in front of me. He stared at me for a moment before finally opening his mouth to speak._

_"No."_

My eyes suddenly flew open. My heart was pounding a trillion times per second. I could feel tiny drops of sweat on my forehead, and I felt sick and dizzy. Short and heavy breaths were escaping my lips, and my fingers were trembling. There were thick tears in my eyes, but I managed to look around to take in my surroundings. I gasped silently to myself when I saw that I was sitting alone in a room full of sofas, with soft elevator music in the background. I gripped onto the arms of the chair I was sitting on and closed my eyes.

It was just a dream - a _nightmare_.

I was still in the hospital's waiting room, waiting for Alvin to wake up from his sleep. But I guess I must have fallen asleep while I did. But that nightmare felt so lifelike, it still burned and lingered in my mind. But then I opened my eyes when I heard footsteps walk in. I looked up to see the orange haired nurse from earlier. She looked at me and smiled before walking over to where I sat.

"You okay there, hon?" She asked me.

"H-Huh?" I asked.

"You were mumbling something in your sleep." She said. "Whatever you were dreaming about didn't sound too pretty."

My cheeks heated up in embarrassment. "Oh, um..."

The nurse smiled again. "Don't worry about it. I was going to get you a few hours ago, but you were fast asleep."

"Is Alvin awake yet?" I asked quietly.

She nodded. "Yes. He's been awake for a while now. He's been asking to see you, but when I told him you were fast asleep, he said he'll wait because he didn't want your sleep to get interrupted."

I smiled lightly before asking, "What time is it?"

"It's almost 3 in the morning." Answered the nurse.

I raised my eyebrows and looked out the window, and saw that it was pitch black outside. I turned back to the nurse and asked, "Am I allowed to go back into his hospital room yet?"

"Yes, of course." Said the nurse.

I smiled, eager to see Alvin again. After just having the worse nightmare in the world, all I needed right now was the boy I was completely in love with. I said 'Thanks' to the nurse, got up, walked out of the waiting room, sped down the hallway until I got to Alvin's hospital room. I pushed the doors open and stepped inside. My heart began to swell when I saw him. Alvin was just casually sitting on his bed, reading some type of magazine. But when he heard the door swing open, he jerked his head up to look towards my direction. He dropped the magazine in his lap, and gave me that famous handsome smile of his.

I felt my heart melt when he looked into my eyes.

I let the door swing close behind me as I ran over to him. The moment I was within arms reach of him, he pulled me into his arms and embraced me in a loving hug. I sighed as I buried my face in the crook of his neck. He let go of me and gently kissed my forehead. I smiled at him as I sat down beside him on the bed.

"Hey." He said, smiling at me. "You actually didn't leave."

"Why would I do that?" I asked gently.

"Because being alone in a hospital scares you." He said, grinning.

I bit my lip to prevent myself from laughing. He knew me too well. "That was one time, okay? When Jeanette broke her foot in grade 5, Miss Miller made me go to the cafeteria to get her food!"

"And then you got lost, and you began to cry as you frantically ran around the hospital." Teased Alvin.

"Hey, the guy in the wheelchair was basically chasing me down the halls." I fought back.

"Maybe it was because you accidentally lifted up the breaks on his wheelchair, causing him to roll down the hallways!" Alvin said, failing to hold back a laugh. "You're lucky Dave and I were at the right place, at the right time to find you."

I laughed lightly before sighing. I looked at him lovingly in the eyes. "How was your sleep?"

He just shrugged. "Let's just say that hospital beds aren't exactly the most comfortable things in the world." He sighed and looked at me. "But I'm glad you're here now. Did your sisters go home?"

"Yeah. I think Dave and your brothers did too." I said.

"Did you fall asleep?" Alvin asked.

I nodded. "Yeah, in the waiting room." Then I looked at him teasingly. "I slept in a hospital by _myself _just to wait for you to wake up. Of all the things I do for you..."

"Hey. I got a suitcase thrown at me, just because I was protecting you." He said, with an equal amount of teasingness in his voice.

I rolled my eyes before laughing. I sighed and look at him. I touched the side of his head and asked, "How does your head feel? Does it still hurt?"

"A bit." He answered.

I sighed and put both of my hands in my lap. "I can't stand seeing you like this. I can't stand the fact knowing that there are stitches on the side of your head because of me. Yeah, I know Anthony was the one who threw the suitcase at you, but either way, you still got hurt."

"I got a bruise and a few stitches. Doesn't matter." Said Alvin.

"To you it doesn't, but to me it does!" I said.

"Relax, Britt. I've been playing football since I was 12. And believe me, I've been through a lot worse. The condition I'm in right now is nothing compared to the things I've been through in the past. It's no big deal." Said Alvin.

"Wow. It's weird how your head is all battered up, but your ego survived without a scratch." I fired.

"Well it's great to know that you believe in me so much." Alvin muttered under his breath.

I sighed. I did feel a bit hurt when he said that, but I tried not to show it. This is what I feared. Even though Alvin and I swore not to leave each others' side, we still argue with each other the way we always had when we were younger. And I was scared that our constant fighting would break us apart. But then Alvin inhaled deeply. I knew I couldn't hide my feelings away from him because he knew me too well to know that something was bothering me.

"Fine. I'm sorry, okay? I know that you're worried about me, but I feel perfectly fine." He delicately put a hand on my cheek, and I looked up at him. "Brittany, I promise. I feel fine." But when I said nothing, he tucked a strand of my loose hair behind my ear and said, "I just don't want us to fight right now, please?"

I sighed, but nodded without saying a word.

He smiled softly before pulling me up so I could be sitting right beside him. He wrapped an arm around me and gently kissed my shoulder. "Don't be mad at me, please?" He sighed. "Are you still mad?"

I cracked a small smile. "Maybe."

He laughed quietly. "Does that mean you forgive me?"

"I guess. But you're still an ass." I said.

He laughed again. "I guess I deserve that."

I smiled and laughed softly. We just continued to lay here for the next 10 minutes in complete silence. Alvin never let go of me, and he would often lean in to kiss the top of my head. I never wanted him to let go of me, and I never wanted to let go of him. I yawned softly, beginning to feel sleepy again, even though I just woke up from a nap.

"Shit, ow!" Alvin exclaimed abruptly, startling me and making all the sleepiness go away.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"I-I don't know. My head is beginning to feel all weird on the inside, like it's spinning or something!" Alvin said.

I was beginning to panic. "Oh God, do you need the nurse?"

But then Alvin looked down at me and smirked. "Just kidding." He said, grinning at me, clearly trying to hold back his laughter.

I gaped at him for a long time with my mouth slightly hung open. "What? God, you are such a dick!"

Alvin laughed. "C'mon! The look on your face was priceless! You gotta admit that was pretty funny."

I glared at him. "Asshole." I muttered under my breath.

Alvin frowned. "Why are you taking me so seriously now?"

I shot him a bad look. "Uh, hello? That was SO not funny! Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"

"But all this seriousness doesn't seem right." He sighed. "We never take each other seriously. It just seems so...weird."

I sighed. "But it's because I care about you." I said gently.

Alvin smiled at me, and I felt my heart jump. No matter how mad I was at him, I knew I couldn't stay mad at him forever. Whenever I looked into his eyes, a part of me melts on the inside, making me fall in love with him even more. And even though I hate how he can always make me smile, even at times when I don't want to, its one of the things I love about him.

"I care about you too, but though we're together, I don't want our rivalry to disappear." Alvin said. "You know what I mean, right? I don't want the things we've done to each other as little kids to go away."

I laughed out loud. "You mean all that fighting and arguing over the most littlest things?"

Alvin turned to me so we could be facing each other fully. He sighed and said, "Well, yeah. It's memories like those that I want to keep for the rest of my life. I mean, if we hadn't of started off as enemies, we probably wouldn't have grown into best friends, and we probably would be here, in this situation. You know, you and me, together, and in love with each other."

I smiled at his words, and sighed deeply.

Alvin lightly kissed the top of my head and said, "I just want to be with the Brittany I became friends with, became enemies with, grew up with and fell in love with."

"Well, you will always have her." I assured him, intertwining my fingers through his. "Just as long as I'm with the Alvin Seville I grew up and fell in love with."

Alvin didn't say anything.

I glared at him, waiting for an answer. "Well?" I asked.

He sighed deeply. "I guess so..."

My eyes narrowed. "And what is that suppose to mean?" I fired.

Alvin laughed. "I was kidding! You have got to stop taking me so seriously, Britt."

"Jerk." I fired, pulling my hand back from his.

Alvin frowned. "Are we fighting?" He asked.

I crossed my arms over my chest. "When have we not?" I shot.

Alvin rolled his eyes. "Come here."

Alvin leaned in towards me and kissed me. I sighed, knowing that it was impossible to stay mad at him for long. I surrendered as I kissed him back. We stayed occupied with each others' lips for at least 2 minutes before pulling away.

Alvin gave me that perfect evil smirk of his. "I knew you couldn't resist me."

I laughed sarcastically. "Oh, is that so?"

"It's impossible to stay mad at me." He teased.

"Wanna see me try?" I threatened.

"Have I ever told you how pretty you are?" Asked Alvin, clearly trying to dodge my challenge.

"You're such a suck up." I laughed.

"Works every time." He said.

"Be careful, Alvin. Your ego is showing." I teased.

Alvin just rolled his eyes before giving me a small smile. It was silent for the next minute or so while I laid my head on Alvin's chest. He wrapped an arm around my torso, and I cuddled up to his body, never wanting to get out of his gentle and loving grasp. I never wanted to escape out of his arms. I wanted him to hold me forever.

"Ouch, goddamn it!" Alvin exclaimed suddenly, shattering the silence.

I rolled my eyes. "Right." I scoffed. "I'm not falling for that again."

"Jeez, Britt." Alvin fired, sounding annoyed. "I'm being serious! My head is throbbing, and it actually hurts!"

"Okay, okay!" I exclaimed, getting off of the hospital bed. "I'll go get the nur-"

"Wait!" Alvin said.

I looked at him. "What?"

His mouth curved up into a taunting smile. "Kidding...again."

I stared at him in disblief. "You son of a..."

Alvin laughed. "Come on, you know you wanna say it." He teased.

I actually wanted to hit him right now. I sighed in annoyance, hating the fact that he was so amused. "I hate you." I sneered.

"That never gets old." He said behind uncontrollable laughs.

"Stop doing that! It's not funny." I said, beginning to get pretty annoyed.

Alvin seemd to have noticed the expression on my face, and the tone of my voice because he stopped smiling. The teasingness in his face disappeared. "Fine, I'm sorry."

"Damn straight." I muttered.

"Can I get a kiss?" He asked.

I looked at him in disbelief. "You've got to be kidding me."

"Please?" He asked, smiling at me teasingly.

"No." I said.

"Pretty please?"

"No!"

"Aww, come on, Britt! I'm in the hospital for God's sake!" Alvin exclaimed.

"So?" I fired.

"Ouch, harsh much?" Said Alvin.

I groaned and sighed. "Fine, if I kiss you, will you stop being so...you?"

"Probably not." Said Alvin, continuing to smile at me.

I couldn't help but laugh. "I guess I can live with that."

Alvin laughed lightly before I reached up to kiss him. Everytime I kiss him, I felt butterflies in my stomach. It seems stupid that I get this feeling, but there was just something about him that made the insides of my body jump. Before all of this, when Alvin and I were still kids, I would honestly get the urge to punch him across the face. I absolutely hated him. But now, I felt the complete opposite. Yeah, we still may 'hate' each other, but we love each other more. We pulled away a minute later, and I got on the hospital bed to sit beside him again.

Alvin softly kissed the top of my head. "Britt?" He asked softly. "Can I say something?"

I looked up at him. "Lemme guess. Your brain is melting? Your head is about to explode?" I said teasingly.

He sighed. "I'm being serious."

I raised my eyebrows, knowing that when he looked at me like that, he really _was_ being serious. "Okay, what is it then?"

Alvin sighed. "I know I haven't said this to you like, ever, but just because I haven't, doesn't mean that it's not true."

I smiled, feeling my heart explode with warmth and adoration, knowing exactly what he was talking about.

Alvin smiled back and looked into my eyes. "I love you."

I said nothing at first. I just looked at him, my eyes starting to tear up. He _finally _said it. He finally said those words to me. Those 3 words have been locked up in my heart for as long as I can remember. And I've longed to say them, I've yearned to say them to Alvin. But never in a million years would I have thought that Alvin Seville would be the first one saying it to me. I know that these words will only belong to Alvin. I love him so much, that I can never ever imagine saying those words to anybody else. But it was the first time, ever, that he said those words to me. This was the first time that he told me that he loves me, and I know for a fact that he truly means it.

My entire body began to swell with happiness and affection. "I love you too." I whispered.

He leaned in to kiss me softly, but quickly. But each kiss was equally filled with love and passion. Then he smiled at me and said, "Oh, and just for the record, I said it first."

I raised my eyebrows. "Actually, seeing how many times I've tried telling you in the past, I said it first."

Alvin said nothing at first. "Fine. But I was the first one to say it in this relationship."

I shook my head and smiled. Leave it to Alvin to find an excuse like that. "Are we seriously fighting over this?"

"Yup." He said.

I sighed. "Unbelievable."

"You know I'm right." Teased Alvin.

I just rolled my eyes. "Fine, but I said it second. First the worst, second the best." I said, smiling when I saw Alvin's face fall with annoyance.

"That's not fair!" He exclaimed.

I laughed. "You know, after 15 years of fighting, we never stop, do we?"

Alvin shrugged. "I guess not. Why? Do you want it to stop?"

"Hell, no. I like arguing with you." I said sweetly.

Alvin chuckled. "Good, because I like arguing with you too. I just love you a bit more though."

"Same." I sighed, resting my head on his shoulder. "I love you."

"I still said it first." He said.

I looked up at him, and saw a smile spread across his face, clearly amused. "Don't ruin this moment." I said.

He laughed lightly before wrapping both arms around my waist, pulling me closer to him. "Will you ever leave me?" He asked.

"What kind of question is that?" I asked.

"Just answer it." He said.

"Never." I said, referring to his question. "I will never leave you, Alvin."

"Will you always love me?" Alvin asked.

"Always." I whispered truthfully.

"Promise?" He asked.

"I promise." I said.

He twisted his fingers through mine. "I just wanted to hear you say that."

"Will you always love me?" I asked him.

Alvin sighed heavily. "Sure."

I glared at him, saying nothing for a long time. "That's all I get? '_Sure_'?"

Alvin laughed, moved forward to kiss me lightly, then leaned in so that our foreheads were touching. He looked into my eyes for a few seconds before saying, "I will always love you, more than anything, more than anyone. You are the most important thing to me ever, and I will never leave you for as long as I live, got it?"

I smiled and sighed. "Yeah." Then I yawned. I looked at the clock on the wall. It was a little over 3:45 in the morning.

"You tired?" He asked me gently, and I nodded. "But I thought you fell asleep in the waiting room."

"I had a...nightmare." I grumbled, then shrugged. "You know how I get when I don't get enough sleep."

Alvin laughed. "Yeah. It's like a murder scene waiting to happen."

I rolled my eyes before nuzzling myself into his arms. "Am I allowed to sleep here? I don't wanna go home."

"Yeah, I guess." Said Alvin.

"But you already got some sleep. What are you gonna do once I fall asleep? You'll have no one to talk to." Then I looked up at him. "And we all know how annoying you get when you're bored."

Alvin slightly rolled his eyes before giving me his perfect little smirk. "I'm holding you in my arms, aren't I? There's nothing I want more right now than to be with you."

I smiled and closed my eyes. "Just don't leave me..."

"I won't." He whispered softly against my hair.

"Good. Because if I wake up and you're not beside me, you are a dead man." I said, partly joking.

Alvin laughed lightly. "I'll always be here for you, Brittany. Always."

"Forever?" I whispered, lightly teasing.

He softly kissed the top of my head. "Forever, I promise."

I snuggled up against him. I yawned again before saying, "And I'll always be here for you."

"I love you." He said gently.

"Love you..."

"Oh, and one more thing." Said Alvin.

"Hmm?" I asked.

I felt Alvin lean in towards me, and he whispered in my ear, "I still said it first."

I opened my eyes to glare at him. "Shut up, Alvin."

He laughed lightly once more, while I smiled. Then I wrapped my arms around his neck, and reached up to kiss him. And let's just say that it took a few more minutes before we finally pulled away...

* * *

**OHGAWD, I'm squealing from all the Alvin and Brittany fluff! Its about time they said 'I love you' to each other! ****This chapter was nothing but a ball of sweetness...EXCEPT for the dream at the beginning. Even though I wrote it, it still scared the crap outta me :/ **

**One question though: Is this story getting too long? Should I end it soon? Because I don't want to end it yet. I still have a few things planned for this story :) But I dunno, you guys tell me. (Oh, and I'm not writing a sequel because, well, you'll see why. You guys will find out in the last chapter)**

**Thanks so much for reading. And PLEASEE review! Cant wait to read your reviews on this chapter! Love you all!**


	43. Dark dreams, gentle nightmares

2 weeks later...

It was now the first week of March. The winter air was dying down a bit, the sun was beginning to stay up in the sky even longer, the trees were starting to grow leaves, and the first sign of flower buds were popping out of the ground.

It's also been 2 weeks since I last saw Alvin. I left the hospital that morning, after sleeping in his arms. I mean, I wanted to stay and visit him everyday, but Alvin insisted that I should go back to college because he didn't want me to miss out on my classes. And despite how much I didn't want to leave his side, I knew I had to. But I knew I didn't need to worry about him being alone because Dave was always going to the hospital to visit him.

But Dave was leaving to go back home to our hometown neighborhood soon, and we live at least 5 hours away. Simon and Theodore asked for their dad to stay, but Dave said he couldn't because he had to get back to his job.

I talked to Theodore a few days ago, asking him when Alvin was going to get out of the hospital. Theodore said that Dave told them that Alvin was getting out anytime soon. I smiled at that, eager to see him again. It's been two whole weeks, and I miss him like crazy. The hospital was strict with cell phones, so I hadn't had the chance to call or text Alvin, and with my busy schedule in class, I didn't even have time to drop by the hospital and visit.

It was a cloudly Friday afternoon. I was in class, bored to death. I sighed, and looked at the clock on the wall. Just 20 more minutes until the class is up. I really needed the weekened. I was so tired and exhausted from all these projects. But even though it was almost the weekend, I knew I had to go through one more week of class before our spring break. I sighed again and put my head down. I couldn't wait for spring break. Just thinking about having no school and no classes for two whole weeks made me wish that I could speed up time.

I looked up and stared at my notebook. I love my class, I love fashion designing, but sometimes I wish that the teachers would lay off the homework. Our current project was to design an outfit that includes animal print. I looked around me and saw that my fellow classmates were hard at work. I looked back down at my notebook, realizing that it was blank. I've been sitting here for the past two hours, doing nothing.

But just when I was about to get started on my sketches, I felt my cell phone vibrate in my pocket. I instantly pulled it out, and saw that I got a text. I froze and silently gasped to myself when I saw who it was from. I opened the text and read what was on the screen.

_Come outside._

I smiled, feeling my entire body warm up as I quickly replied back. _Why?_

A few seconds later, I got a reply back. _It's a surprise._

Of course, it was no surprise to what this 'surprise' really was. But I wasted no time as I shot up off my chair, and ran up to my professor's desk. I asked her if I could 'Go to the washroom', and once she said yes, I secretly packed up all my things, knowing that I wouldn't be returning to class anymore today, and ran out the classroom door. I sprinted down the many hallways, ran to the front doors, and pushed it open.

And that's when I saw him.

Standing at the very bottom of the stairs, with his perfect tousled brown hair, with his hands shoved in his pants pockets, and his flawless laid back structure, stood Alvin. Once he heard the door swing open, he looked up. Once he caught my gaze, he gave me his perfect handsome smirk, the one that made all the girls swoon in high school, and motioned me to go over to him by stretching his arms out in front of him, like he wanted me to run to him.

I felt my heart explode with warmth and love. I've missed him so much, and I just couldn't believe he was back. I laughed silently before running down the stairs, and jumping into his arms. I let go of my school bag, and wrapped my arms around his neck, as he gently wrapped his arms around my waist. We embraced each other for a long time before he pulled away to look into my eyes. I couldn't believe that he's finally out of the hospital, and that he was feeling perfectly fine. Just thinking about everything made me feel overwhelmed, and before I knew it, small tears were forming in my eyes.

He pulled away to look into my eyes. "Surprise." He said gently.

I laughed lightly, as tears of desire rolled down my cheek. "Alvin." I whispered.

"Hi." He said, giving my forehead a quick kiss. He looked down at me and smiled. "Why are you crying?" He asked gently, wiping my tears away with his fingers.

"Because you're back. I'm just so happy to see you." I mumbled, nuzzling my face in his chest.

He kissed the top of my hair and whispered, "Of course I'm back. I'd never leave you."

I smiled to myself and sighed. "I know."

He laughed lightly. "So, how are you?"

I hugged him tighter, and looked up at him. "Better, now that you've returned. I can't believe you're finally out of the hospital."

He slightly rolled his eyes. "You're acting as if I just died, and came back to life."

I rolled my eyes. "Funny." I said dryly.

He laughed softly again before giving me a soft kiss on the cheek. "I'm so happy to be back, though. I've missed you."

"I know." I said. "I've missed you too."

He smiled. "So, skipping class, are we?"

I shot him a bad look. "No! You were the one who texted me to come out here! And besides, class is ending in like, 15 minutes, so I wouldn't really call it 'skipping'."

"Sure..." He said playfully.

I rolled my eyes again. "Just kiss me."

He laughed again before leaning in to press his lips onto mine. I didn't hesitate to kiss him back. I felt his soft hold on my waist get tighter, as he pulled me closer to his body. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling our faces closer to each other's. I didn't want to let go, and judging by the way Alvin was kissing me, he didn't want to let go either. I didn't want to stop kissing him, but we eventually pulled away when we heard someone clear his throat in the background.

I stepped away from Alvin and looked behind him. Dave stood there, looking at the both of us. I felt my cheeks heat up, as Alvin turned around to look at his dad.

Alvin chuckled nervously. "Oh, um...Britt, you know Dave, right?"

Both Dave and I rolled our eyes at Alvin's lame joke. I looked over at the man who was basically the father figure in my life and said, "Hey, Dave."

"Hi Brittany." He said.

I said nothing for a bit, beginning to feel a bit awkward. I have no idea what Dave could be thinking about right now. Just thinking about it made me feel embarrassed! I mean, he's Alvin's dad, and he has watched the two of us grow up as ememies over the years. And now, seeing me and Alvin like this, well, I couldn't blame Dave if he's feeling a bit confused, and somewhat...frightened.

Alvin laughed and leaned towards my ear. "Don't worry, I told him everything."

"And how'd he take it?" I asked.

Alvin paused for a moment. "Uh, great."

"Let's just pretend it didn't shock me." Said Dave, giving us a small smile.

I laughed lightly as I felt my cheeks heat up in embarrassment even more. I cleared my throat and said, "So, what are you doing here, Dave?"

"Just here to drop Alvin off, and then I'm heading back home." He said.

"Already?" I asked.

He nodded. "I need to get back to work, and you two need to continue with your schooling."

"Do Simon and Theo know?" I asked.

Dave nodded. "Yeah. I said bye to them this morning."

Alvin and I just nodded. "Thanks for driving all this way, Dave."

Dave smiled and shook his head. "Well Alvin, I figured that if something were to happen up here, bad enough for me to receive a phone call, it would probably involve you. And I was right."

Alvin rolled his eyes. "Gee, thanks. It's good to know that my dad put his trust in me."

I laughed at Dave and Alvin's father-son spat.

Dave laughed and gave his son a pat on the shoulder. "Just take care of each other, alright? Britt, tell your sisters I say hi."

"Will do, Dave." I answered.

Then Dave eyed Alvin, who had just put an arm around my waist. "And Alvin, for Christ's sake, please don't do anything stupid again. The last thing I need is to get a phone call, learning that something bad has happened to one of my sons."

Alvin laughed lightly and nodded. "Sure thing, dad."

"Don't worry about anything, Dave. I'll keep my eyes on him." I said, jokingly nudging Alvin in the ribs.

Dave laughed and smiled. He looked at the two of us for a short moment, as if he still couldn't believe that we were together. But he sighed and said, "Alright, I guess I gotta go now. It's a long drive back home, but I'll see you all in June, okay?"

Alvin and I waved as we watched Dave get into his car to drive back home to our hometown neighborhood. Once Dave's car was out of sight, I sighed and turned to Alvin. The moment I looked at him, I was suddenly hit with this realization that we are now together. Anthony and Victoria are out of our lives forever. It's just me and Alvin now, and in a way, I couldn't believe it. All my life, I would never have thought that I would end up with Alvin Seville. But I guess unexpected things do happen, making them seem like the most perfect thing that could ever happen in your life.

And just like what Alvin said, this will be the start of a new relationship for us.

Alvin sighed to himself as he wrapped both of his arms around me. "So..."

I raised my eyebrows. "Yeah?" I asked.

"What shall we do now?" He asked.

I laughed. "Well, class is ending soon. I think we should celebrate."

Alvin raised his eyebrows. "Celebrate because...class is ending for the week?"

I rolled my eyes. "No, I mean celebrate that you're out of the hospital. The 6 of us should all go out for dinner, or watch a movie or something, just for you."

"Aww, thanks Britt. You know how I love being the center of attention." He teased.

I rolled my eyes again, then smiled. "I just think that it's been a long time since the 6 of us have hung out." I said, referring to ourselves, and our siblings of course. "When was the last time we all spent time together as best friends? Like, before college started?"

Alvin smiled, and pushed loose strands of my hair out of my face, and tucked it behind my ear. "But I wanna spend time with you. Like, just you and me."

"But I'm pretty sure Simon and Theodore miss you." I said. "And besides, we'll have plenty of time to spend with each other."

But Alvin frowned. "Please? We can spend time with our siblings any day. But I want today to be special. It's my first day back, and besides..." He shrugged but smiled. "This is the beginning of you and me."

I felt my stomach do little tumbles when he said those words to me. It made me melt on the inside. I'm sure Alvin saw how I beamed, because he leaned in towards me and gave me a soft kiss. He pulled away and stared into my eyes.

"Is that a yes?" He asked quietly.

I sighed and smiled. "Yes."

He laughed lightly before unwrapping his arms from me, leaning down to pick up my bag from the ground, and handing it to me. He held out his hand, and I willingly took it in mine. He pulled me close, kissed the side of my head and said, "Want me to walk you back to your dorm?"

I gave him a look full of pure teasingness. "Oh, so you don't think I'm capable of walking on my own?" I joked.

He just rolled his eyes before smiling at me. "No, of course not." He teased back.

I laughed as we walked hand in hand across the grassy field, towards the dorm building, up the stairs, down the halls, until we got to the front of my dorm. I pulled out the keys to my dorm, twisted the key in, pushed the door open, and stepped inside with Alvin right behind me. I heard the door shut close behind me as I dropped my bag on the floor.

"You don't mind if I chill here, right?" Asked Alvin, plopping himself down on one of the couches.

I rolled my eyes when I saw him put his feet up on the table. "No, of course not. But, shouldn't you let Simon and Theodore know that you're back?" I asked.

He shrugged. "Nah. Dave probably told them. And besides, I'll see them later."

"Wow, what a thoughtful brother." I teased.

He laughed lightly before saying. "Come sit with me."

I slightly rolled my eyes once more before walking over to him, and sitting beside him. He pulled me close to him, as I cuddled up to his body. I laid my head on his chest and closed my eyes. Even though I know that Alvin loves me, I still couldn't believe we were actually together. Never in a million years would I have thought that I would be in love with the boy who grew up to be my lifelong enemy. Just thinking about all the things Alvin and I have been through to get to this point was kinda overwhelming. We grew up together, became friends, broke each others' hearts and fell in love with the wrong people. But at the end, here we are - in love with each other.

Last year, if someone told me that Alvin Seville and I would eventually be together, I would have laughed and called that person stupid for saying such an impossible thing. But I guess you should really expect the impossible, rather than the possible.

All my life, Alvin was my best friend. Yeah, he may have a huge ego, or that he thinks he's the coolest, badass guy in the universe, and that he was the world's biggest flirt, but when you knew him like I do, you would know that he really does have a big heart. But now, he's not just only my best friend. He's the one who loves me, and the one who protects me. And he knows that I feel the same way for him too.

And as much as I love him, we still needed to go over some things.

We stayed in each other's soft embrace for at least 5 more minutes before I finally opened up my eyes. "Alvin?" I asked softly.

"Yeah?" He asked.

I sighed before focusing my gaze on the carpet floor. "We...need to talk about things."

He paused for a while. "What things?" He asked.

I got out of his embrace, and straightened up. I sat cross-legged on the couch, faced him and sighed. We stared into each other's eyes for a while before I finally spoke up. "Before we're officially together, we have to promise each other something."

Alvin just nodded.

I looked into his eyes for a few more seconds before gently saying, "Just promise me that we'll never leave each other."

Alvin smiled. "Oh, that won't be a problem."

"Just promise me." I said softly, but seriously.

"Britt, I think we both learned our lesson about being with the wrong people. Like you said, me being with Victoria, and you being with Anthony has taught us that we seriously can't be with anyone else but each other. And I mean that literally. Because look at what almost happened to us because we were dating other people - we almost lost each other for good." He said, staring into my eyes.

I nodded my head. "I never want to go through that again."

He held my face in his hands. "And you won't, okay? I will never go that close to losing you again."

I nodded once more before he pulled my face closer to his, and gave me a soft kiss. But once we pulled away, I sighed. "But aren't you afraid that our constant fighting might break us apart?" I asked, looking up at him. "I mean, the way we argue and fight isn't something we can take away. It's literally a part of us. But-"

"Britt, we don't have to change anything about us. For the past 15 years of knowing each other, we've basically fought over the most smallest things. But though we fight, it never really broke us up as best friends. So even if we do fight, that won't matter because that's a way of showing how much we love each other." Alvin said gently.

"So you're not scared of the possibility that something - anything - might break us apart?" I asked.

"No, because unlike you, _I_ actually believe in our relationship." He joked.

I laughed lightly.

"And besides, the only thing I'm afraid of is losing you." He said.

I began to feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside. Hearing him say these things to me made me feel so special. I've never seen Alvin so serious about love before. Yeah, all that crap with Victoria was an exception. And all those crushes and flings Alvin had in high school really meant nothing. But as someone who has known Alvin for most of his life, I can say that this was different, and that I could tell that he really loved me.

"You won't lose me." I assured gently, then I paused. "Unless you do something really stupid to make me mad. Then we're over." I looked up at him and smiled darkly to tell him that I was just kidding.

Alvin laughed lightly, then sighed. "But all joking aside, I really want this relationship to work out. We're gonna have to get use to the fact that we're more than just friends now. We just have to take it step by step."

"It'll be a miracle if we don't drive each other insane." I teased.

Alvin sighed heavily. "I know what you mean."

I playfully rolled my eyes.

He laughed lightly and leaned down to kiss me. And in that moment, when he pressed his lips onto mine, the memory and images of the day my mother told me 'Don't be afraid to fall in love', poured back in my mind. I can remember the day Miss Miller told me those words. I can remember being the weirded out 9 year old little girl I was, unble to understand why my mom was talking about 'falling in love one day'. But the thing I can remember most is when Miss Miller brought up Alvin.

I remember freaking out, angry that she mentioned him - my enemy, the boy who made fun of me, the boy I hated, the boy who I would NEVER have dreamed about being in love with.

But now, as I look back at those memories, I realized that Miss Miller was right all along. It was as if she had a feeling about me and Alvin the moment the two of us met. I can remember the last phone call I had with her, just days before her death. She found out that I was in love with Alvin, before I could even tell her. So I'm guessing that my mother really did believe that Alvin and I would fall in love one day.

But it's been 10 years.

And as I wrapped my arms around Alvin's neck, passionately kissing him, I realized that those words from Miss Miller has been the greatest words that has ever entered my life. In a way, it got me to where I am now. I never use to believe in love, but the moment Miss Miller told me her words, it all changed. If it weren't for those life changing words, I'm not sure if Alvin and I would be together right now. I wouldn't have believed in the word 'love', all of this would still be 'love nonsense' to me, and Alvin and I would be nothing but best friends.

But that didn't matter to me anymore. Alvin and I are where we're at now because we love each other. And with all the hell-like situations we've been through these past 6 months, I know that nothing will ever come in between us again.

We continued to kiss until it got to the point where we couldn't breath. I was beginning to run out of breath, so I slightly pulled away. Alvin leaned his forehead onto mine as we both breathed in and out to catch our breaths.

My heart felt like it had just melted into a pool of affection when I looked into his eyes. There was something about him that made him so devilishly handsome. Maybe it was the way his hair was always tousled and untidy. Or maybe it was that bad boy smirk of his. But whatever it was, it made him seem so perfect.

All throughout high school, almost every single girl in school had a crush on Alvin. Even girls I hung out with said he was extremely 'cute' and 'handsome'. When I heard girls swoon over him like that, I felt like throwing up. I was basically the ONLY girl who didn't have a crush on Alvin, and I was the ONLY girl who Alvin didn't flirt with, along with my sisters as well.

Okay, I'd be lying if I said that Alvin looks ugly, because honestly, there was nothing ugly about him. He is really good looking. Like, _incredibly _good looking. And he plays a lot of sports, and he works out a lot, making him seem even more amazing. But I never ever admitted it to anyone. I would have died if someone found out.

But now, I don't care. I'm not afraid to say what was on my mind when it came to Alvin. I love him so much, words can't even describe it. I wasn't afraid of letting people know what I thought, whether it was about my feelings, or just whatever was on my mind. In a way, I belonged to him, and he belonged to me.

I cuddled up against his body as he wrapped both of his arms around me. He rested his cheek on my hair and sighed. "This is the beginning of a new relationship. Everything that has happened between us in the past mean nothing. I don't even wanna think back about all that's happened to us in the past. This is about you and me now, okay? No one else, just us."

I sighed and nodded deeply. "I know." I said quietly. I stayed in this position, cuddled up in his arms, for the next 10 minutes or so. I never wanted to get out of his loving embrace. But as the slow moments of complete silence went by, my eyes began to droop. Today has been a long day, and I needed to get some rest. But I didn't want to fall asleep. I mean, Alvin just came back today, and we were suppose to spend time with each other. I didn't want to ruin the moment by accidentally drifting off.

Alvin rubbed my arm. "Are you sleepy?"

"No." I sighed, looking at the clock on the wall. It read 3:30PM.

Alvin laughed lightly, knowing that I absolutely sucked at lying to him because he knew me way too well. "Yeah, you are."

I yawned lightly before shaking my head. "No, I'm not tired."

"Then why are you yawning?" He said before chuckling softly. "Don't worry, just get some sleep. I know you had a long day, but I won't leave. I'll stay right here."

I sighed deeply, taking this as an advantage to get a bit of sleep. "Alright..." I said, before closing my eyes.

"I love you." He whispered.

I felt my heart jump everytime I heard him say that to me. "I love you too, so much."

And as he leaned down to kiss my cheek, I fell into a deep sleep.

_"Brittany, darling?"_

_I instantly froze. __No, it can't be..._

_"Britt, where are you?"_

_I gasped when I heard the voice again - her voice. No, it couldn't be. It was imposible. My breathing came to a stop. The voice sounded so real, so near to me, as if the source of the voice was standing right beside me. But how is it possible? How is this happening?_

_"Honey, there you are. I've missed you."_

_Tears began to form in my eyes. "M-Miss Miller?" My voice cracked when I said her name._

_"Oh, Britt. How are you doing? How are your sisters?"_

_I wasn't sure if I was hallucinating or not, but I was so scared and so confused right now. Is this really Miss Miller calling for me? Why do I suddenly hear my dead mother's voice? I blinked, letting hot tears roll down my face. "Miss Miller, is that you?"_

_"Don't worry, sweetie. I'll always be here for you, for Jeanette, for Eleanor..."_

_"Mom, where are you?" I screamed weakly._

_"I'm here..." Miss Miller's voice came._

_"WHERE? MOM, WHERE ARE YOU?" I yelled behind tears._

_"I'm right here, Brittany." Miss Miller whispered._

_No, this can't be happening. Where is she? Where is my mother? I needed her, I needed to know where she is. Even though it's been months since her sudden death, I stil couldn't accept the fact that she's gone. My heart has never let go of my mom, and I know it never will. To me, Miss Miller is still alive. But I know in reality, her body is peacefuly resting in her white coffin underground. But I don't care, because to me, Miss Miller is still here. I needed to see her, I needed to know that she is still alive..._

_"MISS MILLER!" I screamed, dropping to my knees._

_"I love you, Britt. You'll always be my little girl." Miss Miller's voice was beginning to turn into a ghostly whisper. "Just promise me one thing..."_

_I began to sob hysterically. "M-Miss Miller, please. Where are you?"_

_"Just promise me one thing..." Miss Miller said again. Her voice was barely audible now._

_My fingers began to tremble. I closed my eyes. "Mom, please don't do this. I need to see you. Where are you?"_

_"Promise me that you'll never forget me..."_

My eyes flew open. I was still cuddled up in Alvin's lap, with his arms holding me close to him. But the TV was on, and he just sat there, watching the football game on the screen. My eyes darted to the clock. It was 4:15. Did I really fall asleep for 45 minutes only?

I blinked, and felt tears fall out of my eyes. My heart was still pumping inhumanely fast. My mind was spinning, and I was starting to feel sick. What just happened? How, and why did I suddenly dream about my dead mother? Why did it seem so real? It wasn't that I didn't want to see her, because I'd do almost ANYTHING to bring her back to life, but it was so frighteningly real. It sounded so real, and it felt so real.

Was it even a dream?

Yes, it had to be a dream. I mean, it was impossible for it to not be a dream. I was still trembling with fright. That one dream brought back everything. Even though Miss Miller died a few months ago, I still couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that she is never coming back. I hadn't thought about my mother's death for a long time, but after having that dream about my mother calling for me, it made my heart rip into two.

It was as if all the feelings I felt the moment I heard about Miss Miller's death, was coming back to me again.

And without knowing it, I quietly broke down into tears.

Alvin touched my arm. "Britt?" He asked, sounding worried. "You okay?"

I turned away from him, unable to tell him. Okay, I knew I was able to tell Alvin everything and anything, but with this, I just couldn't. Not now, at least. I just can't tell him about my dream because I knew I would just lose my mind if I did. It was as if I was afraid of saying it out loud. And in a way, it was true. I was frightened.

I softly nodded my head. "Y-Yeah..."

"Britt..." He sighed, full of doubt.

I sat up and wiped my tears. I gulped and said, "I'm fine, I swear."

"You know you can tell me anything." He said softly.

"I know I can." I said, then I shrugged, trying to come up with a small lie. "I...I just had a nightmare. Pathetic, I know."

Alvin laughed gently before pulling me closer to him. "No, it's not. You know why?"

"Why?" I asked.

"Because it gives me a reason to protect you. I get to wrap my arms around you and do this..." He leaned in to give me a light kiss on the lips.

I smiled behind my tear-stained cheek. "I know. But I swear, it was just a dumb nightmare. Everything's just fine."

* * *

But over the week, I realized I was wrong. My nightmares became worse. It would always be about the same thing - Miss Miller, calling for me, but never appearing in my sight. And whenever I had those dreams, I would wake up in the middle of the night, and I would begin to cry. I couldn't take it anymore. Not only was I scared, but each time I dreamt about my dead mother, I felt a part of me die.

Like I said, I still haven't let go of my mother. And I know I never will.

But after getting the same dreams almost every night, I had enough. Not only did it make me hurt more on the inside, knowing that Miss Miller is gone forever, but it killed a part of me as well. Jeanette, Eleanor and I will continue to live our lives, without our mom by our side. And knowing that we will never see the woman who has done EVERYTHING for us, just tore me apart in a way that words couldn't explain.

But in a way, dreaming about our dead mom was both a dream, and a nightmare...

I've kept these hell-like nightmares to myself, but now, I had to tell someone.

I needed to let it out.

* * *

**Poor Brittany, dreaming about dead Miss Mller every night... :( But in the next chapter, you guys will get to see Alvin's protective side :D **

**And this story will have at least 5-7 chapters left, depending on how the storyline will go...**

**OMG the Chipwrecked songs that have already been leaked are AMAZING! Just a few more days until the soundtrack come out!**

**Thanks sooo much for reading! PLEASE REVIEW :) Love you all!**


	44. Kisses, hushed secrets and suspicion

Spring break was so close, I could feel it. In just a few minutes, the bell will ring, and class will be over, and we get an entire 2 weeks off of school. I needed this relaxation time. I seriously needed a break from all this school work! I was already stressed enough, and my mind felt like it has been extremely overworked. I just couldn't wait to go upstairs, throw all my school things off to the side, and just relax...

"I want you all to have something to do this spring vacation, so I was thinking about a 3 page essay on international designers." Stated our professor, who was looking upon all of us.

Almost every single person in my class groaned in frustration. I just sighed deeply. Well, there goes my plans for having a stress-free vacation...

"Oh, come on everyone! 3 pages isn't that bad." Said our professor. Then she sighed deeply, seeing how everyone's mood got ruined. "Fine. I'll make it 2 and a half pages, but it must be single spaced."

No one said anything.

My teacher sighed again. "Okay, I'll take that as a yes."

The moment I closed my notebooks and textbooks, the bell rang. Well, it was about time! Everyone tried to leave the classroom at once, delaying it even more. I just decided to stay behind until the door was finally free. After 2 minutes, the queue of people started to thin, so I swung my school bag over my shoulder, and walked out of the class.

But then I bumped right into someone's chest. I looked up, and once I saw who it was, I playfully rolled my eyes.

He looked down at me and raised his eyebrows. "Why don't you watch where you're going." He teased, giving me a sly look.

"Why don't you watch where you're standing." I teased back, before reaching up to kiss him. He wasted no time in kissing me back. I was about to pull away, until I felt his arms coil around my waist, pulling me closer to him. I smiled against our kiss, but then I felt him begin to kiss me more agressively, and more passionately. I pulled away from him at last, and laughed softly. "Not in public..."

"Why not?" He smirked, leaning down to kiss my neck.

I felt a tingling, electric-like wave travel throughout my entire body. I sighed deeply, but pushed him away. I smirked when I saw how annoyed he looked. "Not now, Alvin." I said.

He frowned. "Killjoy..."

I rolled my eyes, then sighed. I looked back at him and asked, "Wanna hang out in my dorm room?"

He shrugged. "I've got nothing else better to do today, so sure."

I nodded. "Okay, but just don't bother me. I need to start on my homework."

"Homework?" He scoffed, before taking my hand in his. We started to walk through the school. "We have 2 whole weeks without class, and all you can think about is homework?"

"I just want to get a start on it." I said.

"Are you turning into Jeanette?" He asked.

I raised my eyebrows. "No, but unlike you, _I'm_ actually concerned about my future." I said.

Alvin gave me a small smirk. "Okay, you're turning into Jeanette AND Simon."

I rolled my eyes. "And with that, I'm making you help me do my homework." I said.

Alvin sighed deeply. "Fine."

I couldn't help but roll my eyes and smile at the same time. We walked through the hallways, to the dorm building, up the stairs until we got to our floor, and walked over to my dorm room's door. Once I stepped foot inside, I expected it to be empty. But no. Jeanette and Eleanor, along with Simon and Theodore were in the living room watching TV.

Jeanette looked up when she heard the door open. "Oh, hey guys."

"Hey." I said, plopping my school bag on the ground. "What are you guys doing back so early? I thought your classes don't end until 6PM. And it's only 4!"

"Our teachers let us out early." Said Eleanor.

"What about you guys?" Alvin asked, looking at his bothers.

"Our teachers let us out early as well." Answered Simon.

"Oh. Well, don't you guys have homework?" I asked.

They all shook their heads.

I groaned. "Why am I the only one who has homework? What kind of teacher gives their students an essay to write over spring vacation?"

"Calm down, Britt. You have 2 whole weeks to do it." Said Jeanette.

"That's what I tried telling her!" Said Alvin.

I just rolled my eyes. "Whatever. I want to spend my spring break by relaxing. So I might as well get my projects over with." I said, bending down to grab my books out of my bag. "I'll be in the room if anyone needs me." I crossed the living room and walked inside my bedroom, with Alvin trailing right behind me.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." I heard Eleanor exclaim. "Alvin, where are you going?"

"Going to help Britt with her homework." Alvin answered.

I looked over at Eleanor, who raised an eyebrow. "You two, alone in the room? Uh, I don't think so."

I rolled my eyes. "Relax, Elle. He's just gonna help me on my homework. We all know Alvin's useless, but he's not _that _useless." I teased, looking up into his face.

Alvin rolled his eyes while Simon, Theodore and Jeanette laughed. Eleanor sighed. "Fine. Just keep the bedroom door open."

I sighed heavily. "Yes _mom_." I said.

But the moment Alvin and I stepped foot inside my bedroom, Alvin, with a dark smirk spread across his face, strode over to the door, closed it, and locked it behind him. I shot him a bad look as a chorus of voices screaming 'Alvin!' was heard on the other side of the door.

"Alvin, what are you doing?" I fired. "Do you _want _my sisters to come in here and murder you?"

He rolled his eyes. "A little privacy won't hurt."

I sat on my bed and sighed. "Okay, fine. But like you said, you're helping me on my homework." I said, lightly shoving my notebook into his hands.

He reluctantly took it and looked at it for a few seconds before looking back at me. "Wait, so you're actually being serious about all this homework stuff?"

I raised my eyebrows. "Yeah..."

"I, uh, thought you were kidding." Alvin said slowly, frowning at me.

I groaned. "I give up." I exclaimed, taking back my notebook and placing it on top of my desk. "I'll just do it when you leave. That way, I'll be able to concentrate."

He gave me a devilishly handsome smirk. "Are my good looks too distracting, Britt?"

I looked at him in disbelief. "How are you able to stand with both feet with an ego as big as that?"

He just rolled his eyes before dropping down to sit beside me. He leaned in towards my ear and whispered, "Takes years of practice. You should know that."

I turned to him, wanting to snap at him, but I forgot that his lips were near my ear. And so as I turned my head his way, our lips lightly touched each other's. Alvin smiled as he pulled me closer to him, and kissed me deeply. I sighed as my eyes fluttered close, instantly kissing him back. As we kissed slowly and passionately, I felt my head go all dizzy. It was as if I lost all the care in the world, and that the only thing that mattered to me was Alvin. Our bodies were pressed against each other's tightly. I could feel the warmth of his body come off to mine.

His lips traveled down to the side of my neck, and I sighed deeply. His hot breath made me shudder on the inside with a sharp amount of great pleasure. "Mmm, Alvin..." I whispered. "We might get in trouble..."

Alvin laughed softly before pulling back to meet my gaze. "Get in trouble by our younger siblings?" He smirked. "I am _so _scared."

I laughed lightly, realizing that he was right. As of this moment, the only thing I wanted was Alvin, and nothing else. I leaned in and pressed my lips onto his again. We continued to kiss for the next couple of minutes. But in that short moment, I felt something new in me. It felt like a mixture of yearningness, greed, want...and lust. I wrapped my arms around his neck as I got on my knees, and pushed him backwards onto my bed. At first, I was oblivious that I got on top of him until I felt his toned stomach underneath me. But that didn't stop me at all. And that certaintly didn't stop Alvin either.

Who knows how long we've been kissing? Minutes? Hours maybe? But whatever it was, I wasn't ready to stop. I fell more in love with Alvin each time I kiss him. The way he kissed me softly, yet passionately, the way he held my body, and the way our lips would move in perfect synchronization was all too perfect.

I pulled away, and sat straight back up, trying to catch my breath. Alvin, who I was still straddled upon, was breathing just as hard as I was, also trying to catch his breath. But when I looked down at him, I suddenly saw that his shirt was gone. He just laid there, under me, without a shirt. Wait...was I the one who took it off? Or did he? Then I looked down at my body. The shirt I had been wearing was now on the floor. I was now in my lacy black tank top, which embarrassingly enough, went down too low when it came to my chest area. One strap of my tank top was off my shoulder, while the rim of it was riding up my belly button. I felt my cheeks flush red. I guess we were so into the moment, we hadn't realized what we were doing.

I looked down at Alvin again, and scanned his perfect body. _Damn_.

Alvin gave me his perfect evil smirk. "That was..."

I placed a finger on his lips to silence him. I pointed to the door, trying to tell him that our siblings are still out there, and that we would basically die if they overheard us.

Alvin laughed lightly and rolled his eyes. He pulled my face near his and whispered, "That was_...wow."_

I smiled darkly as I gave him one more kiss on the lips. I sat back up and looked at the clock. The flashing numbers read 6:15PM. Whoa, wait. Does that mean we've been making out for...2 hours? I looked down at Alvin and caught him staring at my 'tank top', if you know what I mean. But once he saw that I was looking at him, he looked back up and caught my gaze. My cheeks warmed up, realizing that the front of my shirt was making me show too much cleavage.

I took a pillow and playfully hit his head. "Quit staring."

He laughed as he pushed the pillow off of his head. He gave me a seductive look. "It's hard to stop staring when you have an amazing body like that, Britt."

I raised my eyebrows. "Are you flirting with me?"

"Well, because you're my girlfriend, it's technically impossible to 'flirt' with the person you're already in a relationship with." He said.

I felt my heart swell up with affection as I lovingly stared into his eyes. "What did you say I was?"

He grinned up at me. "My girlfriend." He said again.

I sighed silently to myself. It was the first time Alvin called me that, and just hearing him say it so smoothly made me melt on the inside. I smiled and kissed him once more. "Love you." I said.

But he just smiled as he pulled me down, switching spots with me so he could be the one who was hovering over me. I squealed loudly with the sudden 'roll over attack'. He leaned in and gently kissed my lips, before pulling back to stare into my eyes. "I love you too."

I laughed softly as I rolled out from under him, and picked his shirt off the floor to give it to him.

He took it, then frowned. "Does this mean it's over?"

After slipping my shirt back over my head, I looked at him and said, "For now."

He sighed before smiling mischievously at me. "I guess I'm okay with that."

We have never gone as far as kissing, but today was close. I mean, if I hadn't of pulled away, who knows what we'd be wearing right now? Or if we'd be wearing anything at all! We didn't even realize we had taken off each other's shirts, so imagine what it would be if we kept on going?

I quickly fixed up my hair as Alvin put his shirt back on. He looked at me and said, "I have a question, though. Why do you even _wear _a tank top underneath? It's not fair for me, you know!"

I rolled my eyes. "Too bad." I teased. I was about to lean in and kiss him again, but someone started to knock on my bedroom door.

"Brittany? Alvin?" Called Jeanette's voice from the other side.

I froze for half a second, then pushed Alvin off my bed and motioned him to sit on the chair that was at my computer desk, as far away from me as possible. The last thing Alvin and I needed was to have evidence of what we were up to for the past 2 hours, and to have our siblings find out as well. Alvin did as I asked, as I carelessly grabbed a few textbooks, notebooks and a pencil and threw them on my bed to look like I was actually doing something school-related. I quickly unlocked my door, and fell onto my bed, trying to look as calm as possible.

"Yeah?" I called.

Jeanette opened the door and peered her head inside. She looked at the two of us for a moment, but after seeing how 'innocent' we looked, she said, "It's time for dinner, guys. We ordered pizza."

I closed one of my textbooks shut and nodded. "Alright. We'll be out in a minute."

"Okay." Said Jeanette, as she disappeared behind the door and closed it.

I sighed in relief as I looked at Alvin, who strode over to me. He chuckled as he helped me up on my feet. "Wow. That was...terrible." He teased, referring to my 'acting'.

I frowned. "Was it that obvious?"

"Is Jeanette gullible?" He asked.

I shrugged. "Sometimes."

"Then you have nothing to worry about." He said.

I laughed lightly before Alvin and I walked out of my room, and into the kitchen, where we found Eleanor, Jeanette, Simon and Theodore around the table, with two pizza boxes in the middle. Alvin and I took our seats in the chairs between Simon and Eleanor, who were both staring at me and Alvin.

"So..." Said Eleanor, who turned her gaze on Alvin. "Why'd you close the door after I just said not to, Alvin?"

Alvin looked at her. "Jeez, Elle. You're starting to sound like an adult when you talk like that - and it's creepy."

"We're 19, Alvin." Said Simon. "We _are _adults."

Alvin shot his brother a bad look. "Can you at least pretend to be on my side?"

"I'm still waiting for an answer, Alvin." Said Eleanor.

Alvin looked back at her. "The door closed on it's own, I swear."

Eleanor looked at him in disbelief. "Right. Of course it did. My mistake."

Theodore and Jeanette snickered while Simon and Eleanor rolled their eyes. I tried to cover up my amusment and embarrassment by reaching across the table to get a slice of pizza. I was about to take a bite, when Eleanor turned to me.

"You two have been awfully quiet in there." Said Eleanor, looking straight at me.

I sighed and looked into her green eyes. "Well, we were doing homework. What did you expect us to do? Scream at each other's faces?" I asked.

"Yes." Simon, Jeanette, Theodore and Eleanor said together.

I rolled my eyes.

"You two have been in there for a long time, too." Said Eleanor.

"A perfect essay takes time, Elle." I said calmly.

"Sure it does..." Eleanor said suspiciously.

I was beginning to mentally screw my little sister. I felt my cheeks heat up in embarrassment. I just hope it didn't show. "Okay, are you gonna continue to play '20 Questions' with me, or can we eat?"

Eleanor began to laugh. "Relax! I was just kidding, Britt. Stop getting so defensive!" She said, as Theodore, Simon and Jeanette laughed in the background.

"But speaking of that, why _are _you getting so defensive?" Jeanette asked me, teasingness dripping in her voice.

I just rolled my eyes. "Okay, I don't know what you guys are thinking, but I swear, Alvin and I were just doing homework!" I lied.

After a minute or so, all that teasingness died away. But I was starting to wonder if our siblings really did know something. Oh God, just thinking about it made me feel like dying with embarrassment! But it seemed like they were just teasing us, so hopefully it was just that - just jokes. I gulfed down 3 slices of pizza, and a glass of ice tea before feeling full. After we were all done eating, we put our plates and cups in the sink, and gathered up in the living room.

"Let's watch a movie." Said Jeanette.

"Which one?" Asked Eleanor.

Jeanette shrugged. "Let's just browse through the channels and see if anything's on."

"I'll be in charge of that." Said Alvin, as he reached for the remote, and began to flip through the channels. Simon, Theodore, Jeanette, Eleanor and I each spotted a movie we wanted to watch, but with Alvin in control of the remote, none of us got what we wanted to watch, of course.

"Can _we_ try looking for something?" Asked Theodore.

Alvin ignored his brother. "There's nothing good on TV." He complained.

I reached over and tried grabbing the remote from his hand, but he extended his arm out of my reach, without taking his eyes off the screen. I glared at him. "Give it." I said.

"No." He answered.

"Alvin!" I groaned. I sighed and sat back, crossing my arms over my chest. "If you're gonna continue to waste time by flipping through every single channel, then at least let one of us pick something to watch!"

"I would, but all of you guys pick the dumb movies." Alvin looked at me. "I mean, you pick all the cheesy romance ones, Simon and Jeanette probably want to watch a movie that'll bore us to death, and Theodore and Eleanor...well, I bet they don't even wanna watch a movie at all! They probably just wanna watch The Food Network instead."

"Ahem, we're right here." Said Simon. "We can hear every word you're saying."

"Exactly. Which is why _I _should pick the movie we're watching tonight." Said Alvin.

"Fine." I snapped. "Pick whatever you want, but it can't be violent, scary or inapproriate."

Alvin rolled his eyes as he turned to me. "That's no different than watching a blank screen, Brittany."

Jeanette groaned as she got up off the couch. "Sometimes I wonder why you two are together." She said, looking at me and Alvin. Then she turned to Eleanor. "Elle, can I have a word with you in the kitchen please?"

Eleanor nodded as she got up off her seat, and followed Jeanette into the kitchen, leaving me in the living room with Alvin and his brothers. Simon, Theodore and I just sat there for at least 1 minute, glaring at Alvin as he flipped through the channels again.

"Aha, here we go." Said Alvin, focusing his attention on the TV screen.

"Find something we'd all like?" Simon asked his older brother.

"Texas Chainsaw Massacre." Alvin said, grinning.

"NO!" Simon, Theodore and I screamed at the same time.

Alvin rolled his eyes before turning to look at his brothers. "Oh come on, guys! Don't tell me you'd rather watch a movie Brittany would pick!"

Theodore rolled his eyes. "I'd rather watch a romance film, rather than a movie filled with blood and killing!"

"Since this is MY dorm room, I think I should have first privileges to the TV. So if you wanna watch stuff like this, Alvin, then go to your own dorm." I snapped.

Alvin turned to me. "I'd love to, Britt. But no."

I frowned. "Then find something we'd all like to watch!"

"You guys just have to start leaning how to enjoy movies like this!" Alvin exclaimed.

Simon sighed out loud. "Jeanette's right. How in the world did you two ever end up together?"

But before Alvin or I could respond, Eleanor and Jeanette stuck their heads out of the kitchen, and peered into the living room. Eleanor spoke up softly. "Alvin? Can we talk to you?" She asked.

Alvin raised an eyebrow. "Uh, sure." He said, getting up from his spot.

As he walked passed me, I grabbed the remote from his hand and said, "Ha, finally!"

I expected Alvin to say something back, but he didn't, and just followed Jeanette and Eleanor into the kitchen, where they all disappeared behind the wall. I frowned, feeling confused. What was that all about? Why did my sisters need to talk to him privately? Couldn't they just say it in front of me, at least? And what was so important about it, that they needed to isolate themselves from Simon, Theodore and myself? I looked over at the two boys who sat in the couch across from me.

"What was that about?" I asked.

Theodore shrugged. Of course, him being the cheerful one, he was hardly ever the one to get involved into serious problems. "I dunno. But at least we finally got the TV remote from Alvin."

But I couldn't help but wonder what my sisters and Alvin were talking about. Simon, Theodore and I finally found an old comedy movie from the 90's and we began to watch it. But while my eyes were on the screen, my brain was somewhere else. What could they possibly be talking about? I'm 99% sure it had to do something with me. But I don't get why my two sisters had to talk to Alvin alone. What made it so secretive that they had to go into another room to talk about it? Alvin, Jeanette and Eleanor didn't come back for another 5 minutes, and I was beginning to get suspicious.

"I'm gonna get a glass of water." I said to Theodore and Simon, before getting up to walk towards the kitchen. I stopped behind the wall, and listened hard. And that's when I overheard their conversation.

"Please, Alvin?" I heard Jeanette say.

I heard Alvin sigh. "Are you two sure it'll work, though?"

"It has to be the only way." Said Jeanette.

"Well, if you guys think so..." Alvin said.

"You love our sister, right?" Asked Eleanor.

"Yeah, of course I do." Said Alvin.

"Then will you do it? It's the only thing we're asking for, Alvin." Said Eleanor.

"It'll help her a lot." Jeanette said.

I heard Alvin sigh once more before saying, "Alright. Of course I'll do it."

"Thank you so much, Alvin. Brittany really needs this." Said Jeanette.

My face scrunched up in a look of pure confusion. What the hell were these 3 talking about? What help do I need? What is this 'thing' that my sisters are making Alvin do? And why did Alvin agree to do it? But more impotantly, WHAT IS IT? Without realizing it, I stormed into the kitchen and saw my sisters and Alvin looking at each other. They all turned to me at the same time when they heard me walk in.

"What's going on?" I asked, glowering at them.

I saw Alvin's eyes flicker to both of my sisters before looking back at me.

"Nothing, Britt." Eleanor said quickly, smiling at me before walking past me to go back into the living room. Jeanette, without saying a single word, scurried off after her.

I disbelievingly watched as my two sisters walked back into the living room, not daring to turn back. Then I looked at Alvin, who just stood there. "Alvin, what were you guys talking about?"

He walked over to me. "Nothing, I promise."

"It didn't sound like nothing." I shot.

He gently kissed my forehead before looking into my eyes. "It's no big deal, okay? Now let's just go back and watch the movie."

I reluctantly gave up, sighing deeply to myself. But as the night progressed, I was still wondering what my sisters and Alvin were talking about. It was clear that the 3 of them tried avoiding me whenever I glared at them, but I said nothing about it. It was obvious that the 3 of them knew something, which they didn't want me to know about. The moment the boys were about to leave for the night to return to their own dorm, I refused to let Alvin kiss me goodnight. I wasn't letting him get away until I found out what they were talking about.

* * *

2 days later...

It was now Sunday. For the past 2 days, I tried getting my sisters to fess up and tell me, but they would always say 'It's nothing, Britt. Don't worry about it', and stuff like that. But how can I not wonder what it is, after hearing the 3 of them talk so secretly about me? I was starting to get annoyed and frustrated with Jeanette and Eleanor for not telling me, but I was feeling even more pissed off towards Alvin. He didn't have the guts to tell me either! I mean, why? Why was he keeping something from me? Why was it only between him, and my own sisters? What was it about this 'secret' that made it so forbidden for me to find out about?

And so that morning, I walked out of my dorm, strode down the hallway until I got to the boys' dorm, and knocked on it. A few seconds later, Simon answered.

"Oh. Hey Brittany." He said.

"Hi. Um, is Alvin here?" I asked.

Simon nodded. "Yeah, he's in his room." He said, opening the door wider so I could walk in.

"Thanks." I said to him before furiously walking through the dorm until I got to Alvin's room. I pushed his bedroom door open with force, and saw him there, lounging on his bed, with his Ipod headphones in his ears.

He looked up to see who stormed into his room, and his eyes immediately widened when he saw me. He straightend up when he saw me and pulled the headphones out of his ears. "Britt! Um, what brings you here?"

I crossed my arms over my chest. "I'm pretty sure you know why, Alvin."

Alvin sighed deeply. "Are you still going on about that? Brittany, like I said, it's no-"

"If it's 'No big deal', then why are you, Jeanette and Eleanor keeping it away from me, as if it's some kind of secret?" I fired.

Alvin looked at me. "It's not a secret, Britt. Look, it's nothing to worry about."

"Then why can't you tell me?" I asked.

"Come here." He said, and I sat down on the edge of his bed beside him. "It's not that I can't tell you, but..." He trailed off.

"But what?" I asked.

Alvin pondered for a moment before sighing. "Fine. You wanna know?" He asked.

"Well, why do you think I came here?" I snapped, beginning to get impatient.

Alvin sighed deeply and paused for a moment. He looked up and stared into my eyes. "Well, your sisters asked me to take you somewhere." He said finally.

I said nothing at first. "Where?" I asked.

He sighed again. "How about this. I'll take you to that place tomorrow, just you and me."

I raised my eyebrows. "Um, okay..."

"I'll pick you up first thing tomorrow morning, and then we'll go. Just make sure you pack enough stuff to last you a week." Said Alvin.

I looked at him, confused. "Why?"

Alvin looked into my eyes, seriously but gently, before saying, "I promise I'll explain everything to you tomorrow."

* * *

**Okay, I lied. Last chapter, I said you guys will get to see Alvin's protective side, but I meant to say it for the chapter after this one xP Sorry...**

**So, what do you guys think Eleanor, Jeanette and Alvin were talking about? Why are they being so secretive about it? Why aren't they telling Brittany? And where is Alvin taking her?**

**OMG. So I recently bought four Chipwrecked books, and I already finished reading the Chipwrecked novel, and let me say that it was AWESOMEEEEE! The movie is gonna be SO good, especially for all you Jeanette and Simon fans. I really wanna spoil some things for you guys, but at the same time, I can't xD I know it's just the book, but after reading it a few times, it's getting me SO excited! **

**Oh, I also got the Chipwrecked soundtrack, and it's AMAZING! I absolutely LOVE every single song on it :D**

**AND ONE MORE MONTH UNTIL CHIPWRECKED COMES OUT OHMYYGAWWDD!**

**Like I mentioned before, this story is coming to an end very soon... :( But in the mean time, thanks so much for reading! PLEASE PLEASE review! Thankyouu!**


	45. Why we found each other

The next morning...

I woke up extra early this morning. Just like what Alvin told me to do, I packed up a small suitcase of essentials to last me one week. I threw a couple of clothes, my wallet and everything else I needed into my designer Louis Vuitton traveling bag. Even though I had absolutely no idea why Alvin told me to pack, I did anyway. I was finally about to learn why my sisters and Alvin were being so secretive around me. I didn't know why the 3 of them were keeping something from me, and for the past 3 days, I've been getting extremely frustrated that my own boyfriend, and my own sisters were privately discussing something they clearly didn't want me to know about!

The moment I zipped up my bag, my cell phone, which was on top of my bed, vibrated. I took it, flipped it open, and saw that it was a text from Alvin.

_Meet me in front of the building when you're ready._

Yesterday, when I asked Alvin what was going on, he told me the reason - well, half of it at least. The reason why Jeanette and Eleanor pulled him aside to talk to him privately was because they had asked him to take me somewhere. But where? And why did I need to pack? Where was this place?

It was a Monday morning today, 6AM, and my sisters were still fast asleep. I didn't want to wake them up, so I quickly wrote down a note explaining that Alvin was taking me to the place they had asked him to take me. I mean, my sisters would understand. It wasn't like I was running away AGAIN. And besides, they requested Alvin to do this - whatever it is. I put the note on the kitchen table, put on a light sweater, grabbed my small suitcase and walked out the door.

I walked out the dorm building, across the field, into the college building, then out the front doors that led to the parking lot. I instantly saw Alvin there, with a small traveling bag by his feet. I walked down the stairs, having trouble with pulling my suitcase, but finally managed to reach him.

"Hey." Alvin greeted, giving my forehead a quick kiss.

I looked at him and raised my eyebrows. "Would you like to tell me what's going on _now_?"

He sighed. "Just be patient, okay? You'll find out soon enough."

I crossed my arms over my chest. "Okay, fine. Then tell me this. Why did you tell me to pack?" Then I eyed his bag. "And why did you pack? Where are we going?"

"You'll find out when we get there. Now come on." He said, grabbing his bag off the ground. "Let's get an early start."

I groaned. "Alvin, just tell me! Where are you taking us?"

He ignored me and began to walk to his car. I rolled my eyes as I grabbed my own bag, and followed him. He opened the trunk, and stuffed both of our bags in it.

"You packed everything you need, right? Clothes, and all that stuff?" Alvin asked.

"Yeah...but I think it'd be helpful if you actually tell me where we're going!" I exclaimed.

He rolled his eyes. "Just get in the car, Britt."

I looked at him in disbelief as I watched him get into the drivers seat. I sighed heavily and impatietnly as I got into the passengers seat beside him. I closed the door, and crossed my arms and legs, extremely annoyed.

Alvin sighed as he turned to me. "Brittany, don't get mad at me. Look, I know you're frustrated, but I promised your sisters that I would do this."

"And what exactly is that, Alvin? Why can't you tell me where we're going? What is this 'thing' Eleanor and Jeanette made you do? Why are you 3 keeping it from me? And why the hell did you agree to do it?" I fired before sighing deeply, realizing that I was asking way too many questions. "What is it, anyway?"

"Just trust me, okay? " Said Alvin.

I slumped in my chair, and glared out the window, saying nothing.

He started up his car, and we began to drive. I glared out the window the entire time, wanting to avoid starting an arguement with Alvin right now. As annoyed as I was, I didn't want to face him yet. I was still pretty mad at him. I mean, I don't get why he couldn't tell me! Why was it only between him and my own sisters? It was so obvious that it was something to do with me, but I just don't get why they wouldn't tell me!

30 minutes passed without a single word being spoken. It was a little past 6:30 now. It was still pretty dark outside, but the sun was starting to rise upon the horizon, making the sky a mixture of blues, and faint oranges. The awkward silence was beginning to drive me insane. I sighed, hating myself for giving up so quickly, but I seriously hated the silence between us. I looked over at Alvin, and stared at him for a few seconds, watching him as he kept his eyes on the road.

Alvin looked at me for half a second before focusing back on driving. "Are you gonna talk to me now?"

"Are you gonna tell me where we're going?" I asked.

"Nope." He said.

"Then I'm not gonna talk to you." I muttered.

Alvin shrugged. "Okay."

I just rolled my eyes in disbelief before turning back to look out the window. I was expecting Alvin to be the first one to say something, but I was dead wrong. He just continued to drive in total silence, while I sat here, annoyed and frustrated as ever. After about 45 minutes, I gave up once again.

I groaned as I turned to him. "Alvin..."

I saw him crack a small smile, clearly amused that he got me annoyed. "Yeah?"

"Where are you taking me?" I asked again. Then I glared at him carefully. "Are you kidnapping me?"

He slightly rolled his eyes. "Why would I kidnap my own girlfriend? And besides, do you think Eleanor and Jeanette told me to kidnap you?" He teased. "Britt, I swear, you'll understand once we get there."

I sighed heavily. "Fine. Don't tell me where we're going then. But can you at least answer my other question?"

"Which is...?"

"What were you, Eleanor and Jeanette talking about? Why did you guys leave to go into another room to talk about it privately?" I asked.

"I already told you. They asked me to take you somewhere." Said Alvin.

"Where?" I asked, now on the verge of irritation.

"Can't tell you." He said.

I groaned, finally giving up for good. As much as I love Alvin, he was still that annoying 10 year old boy who loved to annoy the crap out of me. I sat in silence for another half an hour or so, telling myself to give Alvin the silent treatment until he cracked, and finally told me the answer to all my questions. But it didn't matter because Alvin didn't seem to be bothered by the fact that we haven't said a word to each other in a long time. But with me, I was struggling to keep my mouth shut. I wanted to say something to shatter the weird silence, but I held myself back. I wasn't that weak.

We've been driving for at least 2 hours now. The sun was getting higher, and the morning was getting brighter. I turned to Alvin, but said nothing. After a minute or so of staring at him, he groaned heavily and spoke up.

"Britt, you know, glaring at me like that won't make me tell you where we're going." He said.

"And why not?" I exclaimed.

"It just won't." Alvin answered.

"Fine. Be that way." I snapped, almost sounding childish.

He sighed deeply. "We're almost there, okay?"

"How much longer?" I asked.

"About...2 more hours." He said.

I rolled my eyes before sighing. "Alvin, if you love me, you'll tell me two things. One, where the hell are you taking me? And two, what exactly were you and my sisters talking about?"

Alvin rolled his eyes and said, "Because I love you, I'm not answering any of those questions."

"God!" I exclaimed exasperatedly.

"Brittany, just trust me on this, please? I promised your sisters I would do this. And I also think I'm doing the right thing by taking you to..." He paused, catching himself before he let it accidentally slip out. "...this place."

"You know what? Don't say anything if you're not gonna tell me." I shot.

"Alright then. Fine with me." Alvin said.

"You're unbelievably impossible to deal with." I sneered.

He smiled darkly without taking his eyes off the road. "I've heard."

I turned away and crossed my arms over my chest.

He laughed. "You're adorable when you act like that."

I turned back to him and glared at him hard. How can he find this funny? Can't he see how annoyed I am? "Adorable, huh? Wanna see how 'adorable' I am when I get mad?"

He laughed again. "Don't worry, I've seen it before."

I sighed, not bothering to say anything back. Alvin knows that I love him, and I know that he loves me back. But the one thing Alvin loves almost as much as me is purposely getting on my nerves. And with that, I wasn't going to surrender anymore by talking. I mean, what's the use? He wasn't going to tell me.

We continued to drive in silence for almost 2 more hours, when I began to recognize the surroundings. I sat up in my seat, and watched as we drove by the familiar buildings and streets. Why did they look so familiar? Then after a second, I froze and gasped silently to myself, suddenly realizing where we were. I knew _exactly _where we were. We were back home, in our hometown neighborhood - the neighborhood we grew up in, went to school in and everything. But now that I knew where we are, my question now is WHY are we here?

I looked at the time and saw that it was 9:53AM. Then I turned to Alvin and said, "What are we doing back here?"

"Welcome home." He said.

"Alvin, really. Why are we back here?" I asked.

"You'll see." He said.

I didn't have the energy to fight back. I was still in shock that we were back in the neighborhood we grew up in! The last time I was here was when I made the stupid choice of running away. Of course, we were all gonna return in June when the school year was up, but I hadn't expected to return so quickly. We drove for another 5 or so minutes until we were in our street. Like, literally the street our houses were on. Our houses were just 4 doors down from each other's, and I caught a quick glimpse of the Seville's house down the street. I even saw Dave's car in the driveway.

I was beginning to think that Alvin brought us back here to visit Dave or something, which is weird, because we just saw him last week when he picked Alvin up from the hospital, but I was wrong.

When we drove pass our street, I looked up at him, confused. "Where are we going? Our houses are that way." I said, pointing my finger against the window.

"We're not going to our houses." Said Alvin.

"Then can you just tell me where we're going?" I asked for the billionth time.

"We're almost there, I promise." Alvin said.

And he was right. We drove for at least 5 more minutes before he drove his car into an almost deserted parking lot, and making his car come to a complete stop.

I looked out the window. "Alvin, where are-"

But then I stopped, instantly recognizing where we were. I froze, and my heart began to pump quickly and unevenly. Right away, I saw an enormous green field, covered in gravestones and tombstones. My eyes began to water, suddenly feeling my heart shatter with misery. We were at the cemetery. Not just any cemetery - we were at the one Miss Miller was buried in.

Alvin softly touched my arm, and I looked at him. I stared into his eyes for a few seconds before asking, "Why are we here?" My voice was barely above a whisper.

He looked at me gently, but seriously. "We're gonna visit Miss Miller."

I blinked, and suddenly felt a tear roll down my face. "Why?"

Of course I wanted to visit Miss Miller's grave. No words can ever express the amount of grief and pain that lingers in my heart, knowing that my mom will never return back to life. But as much as I wanted to run out and drop to my knees in front of the very place my mom was buried in, there was something in me that was pulling me back, telling myself that I'm just not ready to go up and face my mother's gravestone.

Alvin sighed and shifted his whole body so he could be facing me. He looked into my eyes before looking down. He looked so pained to see me so heartbroken, and it just kills me to see him like this. But he finally raised up his head and quietly said, "Eleanor and Jeanette told me about your nightmares..."

I gasped silently. My _nightmares_. My continuous string of repetitive nightmares - the one where I would hear Miss Miller's voice calling for me, but never being able to see her. Ever since I've gotten those repeating nightmares, I would always suddenly wake up in a cold sweat, to find my face as cold as ice, with tears streaming down my face. I don't understand why, or how I've been getting the same hallucinations each night. I mean, it has to be a dream, right? It's impossible for it to be real. Miss Miller is dead...

When I didn't say anything, Alvin continued. He reached over, softly caressed my right cheek and sighed. "This is what your sisters told me to do. They wanted me to bring you here."

"Why?" I whispered weakly.

Alvin said nothing at first. He sighed and said, "They're worried about you. They know that you have nightmares about Miss Miller. They told me that they can hear you screaming and crying her name in the middle of the night."

I felt my heart drop when Alvin said it. The nightmares going on inside my head were bad enough. But knowing that I had been screaming and crying in my sleep was worse. I looked down at the carpeted floor of the car. "Why...why didn't Jeanette and Eleanor tell me?"

"Because your sisters knew that no matter what they do, it wouldn't help you. But they asked me to bring you here, to help you get over your nightmares. Jeanette and Eleanor are worried about you, Britt." Alvin sighed. "I'm worried about you."

I closed my eyes, keeping silent for at least 10 seconds. "But how is this suppose to help?"

"Brittany, I know losing Miss Miller has been the hardest thing you've ever gone through. But visiting her grave once more will help you let it out. I know that you haven't let go of the fact that she's gone, and it's gonna be impossible to forget about her. But if this is the only way to help you go through it, and to let a part of that pain go, then I'll do anything to help you." Alvin said gently.

I opened my eyes to look back at him for a few seconds before turning away to avoid his gaze. "I can't..." I whispered.

Alvin tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear. "Yes, you can. Brittany, I know you can. Remember the last time we were here, during her funeral? Remember that speech you said during the ceremony? I was so proud of you for being so strong. And I know you can do it again."

More fresh tears rolled down my face. Alvin was right. Never again did I want those haunting nightmares about my dead mother because it just tore me apart, not only emotionally, but mentally as well. And as much as I miss Miss Miller with all my soul, I just had to accept the fact that she is resting in peace forever, and that she is never coming back...

"I know you can do it, Britt." Alvin said softly.

I knew it was going to be hard, but I had to do it. It was the only way to help me escape this chain of continuous nightmares. I had to let go of the inner pain. I looked up to meet Alvin's eyes, then said, "But will you come with me?"

"Of course." He said.

We both got out of the car, and Alvin wrapped an arm around my shoulder and pulled me close to him as we walked through the cemetery gates. As we slowly walked, I was starting to get emotional. What was I gonna do? I knew I had to let my grief out one way, but how? After walking a few more steps through the cemetery, we stopped. I closed my eyes as Alvin gently kissed the side of my head. And as another tear fell down my face, I opened my eyes.

There, on the grass in front of us, was Miss Miller's gravestone. And below the very spot we were standing on, in her white coffin deep in the ground, laid Miss Miller.

And in that moment, just knowing that I was near my mother's body, made me break down into tears. I grabbed onto Alvin and sobbed into his chest. He wrapped his arms around me and held me close. Just one glimpse of my mom's gravestone made me lose it all.

"Brittany, it's okay. But I know you can do it." Alvin whispered against my hair, before pulling back to look at my face. He used his fingers to gently wipe my tears away, then said, "Take all the time you need, alright? Do you want me to stay with you? Or would you like me to give you a bit of privacy?"

I sighed. I wanted Alvin to stay with me, but I knew I had to do this alone. And besides, I didn't want Alvin to witness the emotional mess I was about to become, so I said, "Is it okay if you give me some time alone?"

"Of course." He said, before giving me a light kiss on the cheek.

"I love you." I said weakly.

"Love you." He whispered, before turning on his heel to walk a few feet away from me, leaving me alone with Miss Miller's grave.

I closed my eyes, and swallowed hard before getting on my knees in front of my mom's grave. I opened my eyes, and felt my heart shatter when I saw the words 'Beatrice Miller' on the gravestone. I closed my eyes once more and buried my face in my trembling hands. The tears stung my face as my heart ripped into a trillion pieces. Every single memory and feeling I had on the day I found out that she had died was all coming back to me. I was scarred by this forever. And though I will never let go of Miss Miller completely, I knew I had to, even if it's just a little bit. Because look at what's becoming of me. Because the pain of Miss Miller's death was still in me, it was eating me alive with nightmares and tears of agony.

I opened my eyes and looked at the grass below me. I was still unable to believe that my mom was just a few feet away from me, buried in her casket. I remained quiet for at least 5 more minutes before whispering, "Miss Miller...it's me, Brittany."

A part of me died when I said her name, but I knew that talking out loud to her grave is the only way to release the pain that swam in my veins.

I waited another 3 minutes before continuing. "We know you're in a better place, mom, but...but I just wish that we could see you again, just one more time..."

The last time my sisters and I saw Miss Miller's face was back in September, on the very first day of college, when she dropped us off in the parking lot, ready to let us, her little girls, go out in the real world of reality.

I took a deep breath. "If I knew that was the last day we would ever see you, I would have never left. I'm just so sorry for not being there with you on your last day. I'm sorry for not being there with you before you died. I-I felt like I did something wrong. If I was there with you when you needed me, you might still be here..."

I gently wiped my own tears, then sighed. I remember the day Miss Miller told me 'Don't be afraid to fall in love.' And in a way, because of those words, here I am, in love with the boy I least expected to fall in love with. My enemy and best friend, Alvin Seville. It was hard to believe what Alvin and I had gone through. But I had to give thanks to my mother, for letting me realize that Alvin was the missing piece to complete my life.

"Remember when you told me not to be afraid to fall in love, and how I freaked out that you brought Alvin into the conversation?" I asked, knowing I was really talking to myself, but then I sighed. "Well, I listened to you, mom. And you were right all along. If I just wait, then the impossible will really happen. The only person I need is Alvin. There is no one in the world I want more than him. He loves me, just as much as I love him."

The sudden breeze flew into my hair.

I took one more sigh, lightly tracing Miss Miller's name on her tombstone, then whispered, "I wish you could see how much Alvin has changed from that annoying little boy we once knew. He's so protective over me, mom. I don't know what I'd do without him. You made me realize how much I need him."

I closed my eyes and gulped.

Another 5 minutes passed before I continued. "I'll never forget you, Miss Miller." I whispered. "So thank you, for everything."

I sat there for the remaining time. Another 10 minutes passed before I sighed deeply, and turned around to look at Alvin. He just stood there, a few feet away from me, with his hands in his pockets, while staring hard at the ground. Knowing that he spent at least 4 hours to drive the both of us here, just to help me get over my nightmares of my dead mother, really shows how much he loves me. And the fact that he has been standing there silently and patiently for me, made me fall in love with him even more. It was like, he would do anything for me.

Just watching him stand there, with the breeze flying through his bronze hair, made him look even more handsome than he already was, which seemed so inhumane. I knew I was lucky to have him, but it just occured to me _how_ lucky I really was.

"Alvin?" I called softly as I stood up off the ground. He raised his head, and once our eyes caught each other's, he began to walk towards me.

Once he reached me, he held one of my hands in his. "What's wrong?" He asked. I looked deep into his eyes, but said nothing. Alvin seemed to have noticed that I was too overwhelmed to speak, so he let go of my hand, and wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him. He kissed the side of my head, then asked, "How are you feeling?"

"Better." I sighed. "You were right, Alvin. Bringing me here to visit Miss Miller's grave was a good idea. I talked, and I let everything out. I...I could feel her, Alvin. It felt like she was really here, listening to me. I said how much I love her, and miss her..." I took a deep breath, and looked up at Alvin. "And I told her how much I love you."

Alvin gazed into my eyes.

"Before she died, I talked to her on the phone. She knew I was in love with you, before I could even tell her. Alvin, ever since we were 10, Miss Miller always had a feeling about the two of us being together in the future." I said.

Alvin's mouth curved up into a small smile.

"And I know she was listening." I whispered, smiling gently at him. "I just wanted to tell her that she was right all along. It was as if...we really _are_ meant for each other."

Alvin leaned in and kissed my forehead, before pulling back to stare into my eyes once more. Then he pulled me with him to face Miss Miller's grave again. The both of us just stood there for about a minute, just staring at nothing but the patch of pale grass, and the tombstone that read my mother's name.

Then, after another minute of silence, Alvin spoke up quietly. "H-Hi, Miss Miller. Um, it's Alvin."

Alvin took a deep breath, and held me tighter. The way he held me close to him, made me feel so loved. Not a 'family love' like what my sisters and I have, but a different kind of love. Like, it was on a level beyond anyone could ever feel. It was hard to explain, but I felt so safe when I was with him, like I never ever wanted him to let go.

Alvin sighed before continuing. "I just wanna say thanks for everything you've done. You've been a mom to not only your daughters, but to me, Simon and Theodore as well. And my brothers and I promise to take care of Brittany, Jeanette and Eleanor. I mean, they're been our best friends ever since we were 5. And even though you're not here anymore to watch them continue their lives, you should be so proud of raising 3 amazing girls."

Listening to Alvin talk like this, as if Miss Miller really was here, filled me up with love and warmth, yet, it broke my heart at the same time. But this was a side of Alvin I had never seen before. It was truly touching to see the boy I love, do this for me.

"But most of all, thank you for letting Brittany into my life, from the moment I met her 15 years ago." Alvin said.

My heart was starting to swell with indescribable feelings of love I felt towards Alvin.

"I-I know the past few months have been rough for me and Brittany. I've done things to her that have hurt her, and I will never be able to forgive myself for that. I should have been with her at all times, especially when she really needed me, but I was too blind and stupid to see that. And I apologize for not being the perfect one for your daughter at that time, but I've learned my lesson. I will never do anything that'll risk the chance of me losing her." Alvin said.

I looked up at Alvin through tears. Was this really Alvin Seville who was saying this? But then Alvin unwrapped his arm from my waist, and intertwined his fingers though mine without taking his eyes off of the gravestone.

"Brittany is the most important thing in my life. She means the world to me, and I love her more than anyone can ever imagine. And I swear I'll do everything it takes to make her happy, to protect her, and to be with her. I promise I'll take care of her." Alvin said softly.

Tears spilled out of my eyes. Alvin looked at me, smiled gently, then turned back down to look at Miss Miller's grave. I felt so weak and fragile on the inside.

Alvin took one more breath, then finally whispered, "And because of you, Miss Miller...I found her."

* * *

**Aww, gosh. Don't you just love Alvin? He can be the most sweetest, loving and caring boy in the universe, especially to Brittany :)**

**Hope you guys liked the chapter! And as mentioned, the story is coming to an end very soon :( **

**And a special thanks to jessicaluvzchipmunks for making me realize how lucky I am to have supportive readers like you all, and that I should just ignore critiques that put me down. So thankyouuu! :D**

**Thanks so much for reading, and PLEASE REVIEW! Thank you!**


	46. From the very first day

Alvin and I continued to stand here in complete silence for the next 5 minutes or so. Tears were still streaming down my face from the heart touching moments the two of us had just a few moments ago, softly talking to Miss Miller's grave. But after that moment of silence, I finally looked up to look at Alvin. No words can explain the amount of love I feel towards him, appreciating him with all my heart for all that he's done for me today. Just knowing that he spent 4 hours to drive here, just so I can visit my dead mother's grave, truly proved that he loves me, as much as I love him.

"Thank you for doing this for me." I whispered.

Alvin looked down to meet my eyes. He smiled softly and said, "You know that I'd do anything for you, Brittany."

I smiled before gently leaning into him, and wrapping my arms around his body. "And I'd do the same for you too, you know that right?"

He kissed the top of my head. "I know."

I sighed and pulled away. I looked into his eyes for a few seconds, then looked back down. I couldn't explain the overwhelming thoughts and emotions I had today. But in a way, I was glad that it happened. It gave me a chance to visit my dead mom's grave, and to let all my pain and grief out. And though I know she is never coming back, I learned to let a part of her go. I will never forget the woman my mom was, and she will always be with me, one way or another. And as much as I didn't want to leave the cemetery, I knew I had to.

"I...I think I'm ready to leave now." I whispered.

"Are you sure?" Asked Alvin.

I sighed as I nodded. "I'm sure." I said softly. "Visiting Miss Miller's grave helped me so much, and though I will never forget about her, I now learned how to let a part of her go."

He smiled. "I'm proud of you, Britt."

I smiled at him once more before turning back to the ground to look at my mother's gravestone. "I miss you, mom. And I promise we'll be back to visit you again."

After one more minute of silence, Alvin and I finally walked out of the cemetery gates, and back into his car. I couldn't believe what had happened today, but I was glad that I was strong enough to get it off my chest. Never again will I have those nightmares about my dead mother, never again will I wake up in the middle of the night, screaming and crying. And never again will I go through the hell-like pain that lingered in my heart.

Once we were both in the car, I turned to Alvin. "So, what's next?"

He smiled. "You'll see."

I frowned. "Not this again..."

"Trust me, Britt. We'll be there in about 5 minutes." Alvin said.

"Where are you taking me _now_?" I asked.

"Just be patient." He answered, before starting up the car.

And the moment he began to drive, I turned around to watch the cemetery get smaller and smaller into the distance. And like I said, I will be back to visit Miss Miller again. A minute later, we got back on the road, and we began to drive pass those familiar streets and houses again. But before I knew it, Alvin drove into our street. Like literally, the street our houses were in, the street we grew up in. But what confused me the most was when we drove pass the Sevilles' house - his house - drove past 4 more houses, until we got to MY house.

Alvin drove into the driveway, turned the car off, then turned to me. "Welcome back home, Britt."

I raised my eyebrows. "Why are we here?"

Alvin didn't say anything at first. "Um, well, do you know why I asked you to pack, and why I packed?"

I thought back to the two suitcases in the trunk of the car. But I shook my head. "Well, no..."

Alvin sighed to himself before saying, "Well, I decided that since we were coming back here, that there was no point in driving back to college after 1 day. So I figured that you and I should just take a break from college, and spend Spring break here. You know, somewhere away from our siblings."

I looked at him for a moment. "Oh, so like...just you and me?"

"Yeah. I figured that we can't stay at my place, because Dave is there. So I was wondering if we can stay here, at your place, for the next week." Said Alvin.

I nodded hesitantly at first. "Okay, but why?"

He shrugged. "I just wanna spend time with you. I think we should take this Spring vacation as an advantage to just get away, and be with each other for a bit before classes start again."

I felt my heart melt when he said that. "So, would this be like, a mini vacation?"

"I wouldn't really call this a vacation if you're back in the town you grew up in, and back in your own house. But if you want, then sure." He said.

I paused for a bit. To be honest, I think this was a good idea too. Since our relationship is just starting, Alvin and I should take this chance to be with each other without school and our siblings getting in the way. And besides, how often do you get to spend a whole week with your boyfriend, alone?

I laughed lightly before saying, "Well, what are we waiting for?"

He smiled at me before we both got out of the car. We went to get our luggage from the trunk, then walked over to the door where I got my keys, inserted it in the hole, then pushed the door open. I took a deep breath once I took that step inside. Even though this is the house I've grown up in, it felt weird being back. It was hard to believe that 19 years of memories came with this house. But now, with Miss Miller gone, this house was handed over to me.

Once we shut the door behind us, and dropped our bags on the ground, Alvin sighed. "Wow, it seems like forever since the last time I was here."

I smiled. "But this is like your second home. You, Simon and Theodore have been here plenty of times before."

"I know. But it's been a while." He said.

Alvin was right. Just like with me and my sisters, the Sevilles' house was like a second home to us. I mean, the 6 of us have known each other since we were 5, and have been best friends since then. But with just one look around the house, memories upon memories suddenly came back to me.

"I have one question though. Does Dave know about this? Us being back here for the week?" I asked.

"Nope. But it's not like he's gonna find out. And besides, it's not like we're ditching school. It _is _Spring break, after all." Said Alvin.

I smiled and nodded, telling myself to just calm down. I should spend the week by relaxing and having fun with Alvin, because once school starts again, then everyone would become busy. So I guess I should just take this time and spend it with him, and just have some privacy for the two of us. This was a start of a brand new relationship between us, after all. And by spending more time with each other, I think it would be a good opportunity for our relationship.

I playfully rolled my eyes before reaching over to take his hand in mine, and walking us into the living room. We both sat down on the couch, where he wrapped his arms around me, and sighed deeply. I laid my head on his chest and closed my eyes.

After a minute, Alvin gently spoke up. "What's on your mind right now?"

"Hmm?" I asked.

"You seem so quiet. What are you thinking about?" He asked.

Honestly, I wasn't really thinking about anything right now. But now that's he's mentioned it...I was beginning to think back to one certain day. I opened my eyes, and scanned the living room. I smiled to myself, knowing _exactly _what I was thinking about. I was thinking about that day - the day where everything started, the day where it all began, 15 years ago.

I sighed deeply. "Do you remember the day? The day my sisters and I met you and your brothers?" Then I looked up into his eyes. "The day you and I first met?"

Alvin smiled as he stared into my eyes. He chuckled lightly. "Of course I do."

"Really?" I asked.

"Yeah. It all happened here, in this very living room." He said.

I felt my heart skip a beat. I smiled. "You _do _remember..." I said softly.

He laughed lightly. "How could I forget?"

I laughed again. The memories of that day began to pour back into my mind. They were so crystal clear. It was so hard to believe all the things Alvin and I have gone through with each other, growing up. And like Alvin said, it all happened here, in this living room, where we said our very first words to each other. I can remember the day - the day that started it all...

**...**

**July, 1991**

It was the Summer of 1991. My sisters, Miss Miller and I just moved from Santa Barbara to move here, to Hollywood. We just got off the plane 1 week ago, and moved into our new house after that. It all felt so new to me and my sisters. We have never moved to a new place before, and in a way, it felt kinda scary. Miss Miller just enrolled us into the new preschool, which was starting in September. Eleanor and Jeanette were excited for preschool, but I wasn't. I still hadn't gotten over the fact that we are starting a whole new life in this new city, in this new neighborhood, surrounded by new faces.

The house was pretty homey. It had 4 bedrooms, one for all of us. It had a big kitchen, a nice living room, 3 bathrooms, and an amazing backyard. But my bedroom was my favorite. I absolutely loved it. The walls were light pink, and I had my own closet and everything! It was just perfect. And after a whole week of moving in, every single room in this house was now settled in and finished.

Today was a cool July evening. It was past 6PM, but the sun was still high in the sky. My sisters and I were in the living room watching TV, while Miss Miller was in the kitchen, probably doing her daily dose of newspaper crosswords. But moments later, we heard the doorbell ring. We heard Miss Miller's chair scrape the floor as she got up, and heard her footsteps walk towards the door. But neither me or my sisters were interested enough to follow her. But that didn't stop us from hearing the sudden conversation that instantly started.

"Oh, hello there." We heard Miss Miller say.

"Hi. I hope we aren't bothering you at the moment, but we heard that we had some new neighbors down the street, and my boys and I wanted to say hello." We heard a man's voice say.

"Oh, of course not! You aren't a bother at all." Said Miss Miller.

"I'm David Seville, by the way. We live just 4 houses down." Said the man.

"And I'm Beatrice Miller." Said our mom. Then she paused for a moment before saying, "And who are these 3 handsome boys?"

Boys? _Ew._

"These are my sons. Alvin, Simon and Theodore." Said David.

"Oh, hello there! How old are they?" Asked Miss Miller.

"They're 6 years old." Answered David.

Then I heard Miss Miller gasp. "Oh my goodness, really? I have three 5-year old daughters who are almost turning 6! Let me go get them. Oh, and please come in and make yourselves at home." And seconds later, Miss Miller walked into the living room and said, "Girls, come! We have some visitors. Come say hello."

I sighed, not taking my eyes off the TV screen. "Do we have to, mom?"

She gave me a bad look. "Brittany..."

I sighed. "Fine."

"And besides, there are 3 boys your age. Now come, make some friends." Said Miss Miller.

And with that, my sisters and I hopped off the couch, and followed our mom to the kitchen, where were spotted the 4 strangers for the first time. First, I saw the man. He was tall, with dark black hair. And beside him were 3 young boys, who looked at us the moment my sisters and I walked in. The first one I saw was the tallest. He had on a blue T-shirt, and had round glasses. Beside him was a more shorter, more chubby boy in a green shirt.

Then finally, I saw the other one. He had golden, bronze hair, and gold eyes. He wore a red shirt with a gigantic letter 'A' on it, with a ridiculous matching cap on his head. I raised my eyebrows when I saw him. Just by looking at his clothes, I could already sense that he was full of himself.

"Girls, this is David Seville. And these are his sons, Alvin, Simon and Theodore." Said Miss Miller, pointing to them.

So, his name is Alvin, huh?

The two boys, Simon and Theodore, waved shyly. But the one in red just stood there. Their father noticed because he looked down at his son and sighed.

"Alvin, be polite." Said David.

He looked up. "Dave, can we go home?"

Dave looked annoyed. He looked up at Miss Miller apologetically and said, "Please excuse his behavior. Alvin has a tendency to be a bit...rude at times."

My mom laughed lightly. "Don't worry about it. I know what you mean. My eldest daughter is like that sometimes."

I glared up at Miss Miller in disbelief.

Miss Miller turned to the boys and asked, "So, are you 3 going to school soon?"

The one in green, Theodore, nodded "Yeah. We're going to preschool in September." He said timidly.

"Oh, that's wonderful! My girls are going to school too! Maybe you'll all be classmates!" Exclaimed Miss Miller.

I saw the boy in the red shirt turn to me. I looked at him and raised my eyebrows. Once we caught each other's gaze, he crossed his arms over his chest and turned away. Okay, what's HIS problem?

Then Miss Miller turned to Dave. "Would you like anything? Coffee? Water?"

"Um, water would be great, thanks." Said Dave.

"Alright." Said Miss Miller, before turning to the 6 of us. "How about you kids run along and get to know each other?"

"Okay." Said Eleanor, while Jeanette nodded. She turned to the 3 boys and said, "Come on guys!"

I sighed. Eleanor and Jeanette were always the sweet ones. They had no problem in making friends right away. They were just too friendly! But with me, there was just something that made my social skills a lot weaker than my sisters.

The boy in green nodded. "Okay!" He said as he followed Eleanor into the living room.

Then the one in blue, Simon, turned to his older brother. "Alvin, come on!"

But the one in red just stood there. "I don't want to. I'm bored, Simon. I wanna go home."

My eyes narrowed. Okay, this kid was rude! I mean, does he have no manners at all? How does he get the guts to act like this in someone else's house? At least show respect or something! I don't even know him, but he was starting to annoy me already!

But Simon sighed and pulled on his brother's arm. "Let's go." He said, as they both walked into the living room, with me and Jeanette right behind them.

We all sat in the living room. I looked over at the red-clad boy, and saw that he was glaring at me. He gave me this look I couldn't really understand. It looked like a mixture of irritation and hatred. I sighed and rolled my eyes, looking away from him. But over the next 60 seconds or so, the 6 of us just kinda sat here in silence. I have to admit, I did want to make some new friends, but I usually wasn't the one to start the conversation first. But I sighed in relief when the blue, bespectacled one spoke up first.

"So, what are your names?" Asked Simon.

"I'm Jeanette." Said my purple-clad sister.

"And I'm Eleanor." Said my youngest sister.

I said nothing. I looked back at the oldest boy, who sat there, looking bored. This kid is a total stranger to me, yet I kinda hate him already. He looks like he's too full of himself, he seems rude and obnoxious, and it's clear that his social skills are worse than mine.

I felt Eleanor poke my arm, telling me to introduce myself. "Oh, a-and I'm Brittany."

"It's nice to meet you guys." Said Theodore.

"You too." Said Eleanor.

"Ooh, I have an idea. Do you guys wanna play a game?" Asked Jeanette.

I stared at my sister in disbelief. HOW does she do that? How does she AND Eleanor do that? How do they make friends so easily?

"Okay. What kind of game though?" Asked Simon.

Jeanette shrugged. "I dunno. We have Candyland, Snakes and Ladders, Monopoly-"

"Oh. We can play Monopoly! We play Monopoly with Dave all the time!" Said Theodore.

Jeanette and Eleanor beamed at that. I pouted slightly, wondering how in the world did they become friends with them so quickly? I admit I was feeling a bit envious, because I really wanted to make friends with them too.

Theodore turned to Alvin. "Are you gonna play with us, Alvin?"

He shook his head. "Nah. Board games are for babies. We're 6 years old, for crying out loud!"

We all just stared at him in disbelief. But Simon sighed as he turned to me and my sisters. "Just ignore him. He thinks he's 10 years old."

Eleanor giggled. "Okay, then. Do you guys wanna play in my room? The board game is already in there, and I don't really feel like taking it out."

Simon nodded, while Theodore said, "Sure!"

And without even acknowledging the fact that I wanted to play the game with them too, my sisters, Simon and Theodore got up and left the living room to play Monopoly. I pouted. Fine, if my sisters had new friends to play with, then I'll just be by myself. I sighed as I turned back to the TV. But a second later, I froze, suddenly remembering that I wasn't alone. I turned towards the couch, and found Alvin glaring at me once again.

And that's when I said my first words to him.

"What are you staring at?" I shot.

"Not you, that's for sure." He snickered.

My eyebrows furrowed. This boy wasn't just annoying and self centered, but he was arrogant as well! I rolled my eyes, wishing that he would just leave me alone. I have never met anyone so mean before! And I don't even know him! I've met him like, 3 minutes ago or something? And yet, I already dislike him. I wanted him out of my sight, out of my living room, and out of my house.

"You got anything fun to do around here?" He asked.

I looked at him in disbelief. "What?"

He sighed in annoyance. "Didn't you just hear what I said? Or do you not understand English?"

I was about to open my mouth to snap, but then I remembered what Miss Miller told us about being polite, and being lady-like. I sighed as I closed my mouth. I wasn't going to show this boy how weak I was. I wasn't going to let him under my skin. I turned back to the TV, and focused my attention on it, pretending that Alvin wasn't here. It was peaceful for at least 30 seconds, before I heard him laugh to himself.

I looked at him, incredibly irritated. "What?" I fired.

"Pink." He snickered.

I looked down at my clothes. I was wearing a pink skirt, a pink tank top, and had a pink headband on my head. Okay, so what? I like pink! So what's his problem? I shot him a bad look. "What's wrong with pink?"

"The colour is stupid." He said, laughing.

"Yeah, well, red isn't all that great either." I shot, looking at his red shirt with the giant yellow 'A'.

But he continued to laugh. "Whatever."

I felt heat rise up in my cheeks. This boy was unbelievable. But despite how angry I was, I managed to ignore him until their dad, Dave, said it was time for them to go. Inside, I was celebrating, knowing that I would probably never see this kid again. But that happiness didn't last too long, because Dave invited us over to their house next week for lunch.

Great...

As my mom and sisters waved goodbye to Dave, Simon and Theodore, I just stood here, with my arms crossed over my chest, glaring at Alvin. And as Dave, Simon and Theodore waved back, Alvin stood beside them, giving me the same annoyed expression.

And once they were gone, I sighed heavily as I stormed into my bedroom. I plopped onto my pink bed and laid there, irritated and agitated as ever. I have NEVER met anyone so mean, so annoying and so rude before! I mean, we don't even know each other, but why does he like to target on me? I had enough. I don't care if we're neighbors, or that we'll be going to the same school. I never wanted to see him again. I don't ever want to be friends with him! But I guess it was official. I have truly made a lifelong enemy.

I scoffed. "_I hate you_, Alvin Seville."

**...**

**Back to present day**

Alvin gave the top of my head a quick kiss. "Man, I seriously hated you back then."

I playfully rolled my eyes. "You were the most annoying, most conceited person I have ever met."

"But it's weird how we became best friends a week after that." Said Alvin.

I laughed lightly before saying, "I guess after what we've been through, nothing's impossible. Like now, for example. Who would have thought that you and I would grow up as best friends, and eventually be with each other?"

He looked into my eyes and smiled. "Well, that's true. When you think back about it, it did seem unlikely."

I laughed. "Like I said, we hated each other's guts."

"But that was 15 years ago. But now, I do know one thing." Alvin said gently.

I looked deep into his eyes and smiled. "What?"

He took his finger and lifted my chin up so our faces were just a few centimeters apart, then whispered, "I am completely in love with you."

Oh my God. My heart just exploded. My heart rate escaladed into a fast beat of flutters. I sighed deeply. With what Alvin just said, I couldn't find the energy to speak or move. This was more than a head-over-heels feeling - it was a trillion times more. But he smiled at me before leaning in to give me a long, passionate and tender kiss.

I pulled away for a moment to look into his eyes. With the amount of love I feel for him, was it even possible to love someone so much? Yes, it was. People say that you can only truly fall in love once. But I don't believe that. Because everytime I look at Alvin, I fall in love with him all over again.

I sighed and smiled. "_I love you_, Alvin Seville."

* * *

**This is probably my most favorite chapter so far. Gosh, Alvin and Brittany are just so fun to write about!**

**Oh, and my friend Pottergirl1 wanted me to post her little note she wrote to me, so here it is: **

**'HEY PEOPLES! ILuvTheChipmunks has done so much for us. She has been nice and frequent with updates. She has helped us avoid our parents by pretending this is homework. She has filled the voids in our pathetic little lives with this story, and she only wants ONE THING from us. What is this, you ask? Just one simple thing of over ONE THOUSAND reviews to make her feel accomplished. So if you love this story like me and InnocentLG do, you shall review EVERY chapter for her. Is that so hard? Bring back the joyful memories of this story by rereading and reviewing EVERY chapter. Give back to your favorite author. :)'**

**Aww, you're so sweet! :) **

**But anyway, I hope everyone liked the chapter! Thanks for reading, and PLEASE review! Thank you!**


	47. For the first time

**Note: This chapter contains M rated stuff, but I decided not to change the rating because it won't be able to show up on the archive homepage.**

**But I swear, it's not as descriptive as you think. Oh, and the F word gets mentioned once. Just a little warning...But I hope you will like the chapter!**

* * *

5 days later...

Alvin and I were gonna return back to college tomorrow night. I had to admit, I didn't want to go back. I mean, the past week here, with just me and Alvin, were some of the greatest days of my life. Spending time with my boyfriend without school, siblings, or anything else getting in between us has really been a step in our relationship. Yeah, I know Alvin and I have known each other all our lives, but since we're together now, a more romantic side of us has been exposed towards each other.

We didn't really do much on Monday. But on Tuesday, we drove to the heart of Hollywood to see the Hollywood sign up close, and walked down the Hollywood Walk Of Fame. On Wednesday, we watched a movie at the famous Chinese Theatre. On Thursday, we had dinner at a really nice restaurant. And on Friday, we hung out at the beach for the entire day, where we acted like two kids by burying each other in the sand, and carelessly pushing each other in the water.

But it's now the following Saturday. I was sitting on top of my bed, when I looked over at the two suitcases by the bedroom door. I sighed. I really didn't want to go back, but it wasn't like we had a choice. We _had _to return to class. And knowing that our Spring vacation was ending soon, sucked.

Alvin was in the bathroom, taking a shower, while I just finished making the bed. No, it's not like we _did _anything. Alvin and I just _innocently_ slept beside each other each night when we went to bed.

I walked over to my washroom door, and knocked on it. The aroma of Alvin's soap filled my nose. "Alvin? Are you done? You've been in there forever!"

"Don't rush me, Britt. Showers take time." He teased from the other side of the door.

"Too busy checking yourself out in the mirror?" I joked.

"Hilarious." He muttered dryly.

I laughed to myself. "Fine. I'll just start on breakfast, okay?"

"Alright." He said.

I walked into the kitchen, about to make breakfast, when I spotted the sink. 4-days worth of dishes were piled into it. I groaned to myself, extremely grossed out. But despite how much I didn't want to, I went over to it, and washed everything up. It took at least 10 minutes before I was done. I searched through the fridge, and pulled out a jug of milk for two bowls of cereal. I went over to the cupboard to pour the cereal into the bowls, where I heard the door open, followed by some footsteps. I turned around and saw Alvin walk in. God, he looked so good.

"Is cereal for breakfast okay?" I asked.

He nodded. "Yeah."

I turned back around to pour the milk into the bowl when I suddenly felt a soft pair of arms snake around my waist from behind. I smiled when I felt him press his lips onto the side of my neck. I instantly felt electric-like shivers run through my body.

"Alvin..." I breathed.

"Yes?" He whispered against my skin.

I sighed deeply as I bit my bottom lip. He pulled me closer to him, and delicately put his hands on my waist. His lips then traveled to the tip of my shoulder blade, then back to the side of my neck. I giggled softly when I felt his hot breath on my skin. I wanted him, I didn't want him to stop, but I knew I had to. I suddenly got my mind back in reality, and escaped from his grasp. I smirked when I saw the annoyed expression on his face.

"What was that for?" He asked.

"It's time for breakfast." I teased.

He rolled his eyes. "So?"

I laughed and walked closer to him. "Aww, is someone upset because he won't get any lip action?" I cooed.

"No." He muttered.

I laughed again. "Right."

But before anything else could happen, Alvin gently yet aggressively pulled me into his arms, pulled me off my feet, and kissed me on the lips. I smiled darkly as I wrapped my legs around his torso, while knotting my fingers into his soft brown hair. I returned the kiss with equal passion - maybe even more. Alvin smiled against our kiss before I felt him begin to move. He started to walk, with me still clinging onto him, but I didn't have the strength to open my eyes to see where he was going.

We were still kissing before I unexpectedly fell onto my back. I gasped, breaking our kiss, but relaxed again when I realized that we were in the living room, lying on the couch. I was now sprawled on my back, with my head on the soft cushion, while Alvin hovered over me.

I looked up into his eyes and smiled maliciously. "Well, well, well..."

He smiled back with an evil tint in his eyes. "Breakfast can wait."

I laughed before pulling him by the neck to kiss him again. I briefly pulled away to whisper, "You and your damn hormones."

He chuckled. "You're one to talk."

I scoffed. "Oh really?"

"Admit it, Brittany. I'm one piece of fine candy you know you can't resist." Alvin said.

I sighed. "Wow. Can your ego get any bigger?"

He just rolled his eyes before leaning in to kiss me again. The kiss started off as any other kiss - light and easy. Our lips moved in perfect synchronization. But as we kissed, I was wanting more, and I could feel that Alvin was wanting the same because he started to kiss me more lustfully. Our kissing soon became a heated session of kisses, as our tongues wrestled with each other. Alvin and I have kissed plenty of times before, but this time, there was a new edge to it. The taste of his tongue lingered in my mouth when his mouth left mine to graze along my shoulder.

I moaned quietly, and felt him shake lightly with laughter. His lips left my shoulder, and he began to travel down my body until his lips got to my waist. He smoothly pulled up the rim of my shirt to graze his tongue along my skin. My breathing became uneven as I arched my back, pulling part of my shirt more over my belly button. I felt fireworks go off inside of me when I felt his hands move effortlessly along my body.

He pulled himself up to kiss my lips again, but this time, I tackled him down, switching spots with him so that he could be the one lying on the couch. I laughed as I got on top of him, and straddled his toned stomach before leaning down to kiss him again. And like before, our kissing ignited with ecstasy.

My breating was getting more heavier and intense. I sighed in pleasure when Alvin's tongue tenderly forced itself into my mouth. I didn't waste another moment before eagerly returning the favor. I reached my right hand towards my head, and pulled out my hair tie, letting my hair fall freely.

Alvin pulled away from me and sighed. "Do you know how goddamn gorgeous you are? You're making me insane right now."

"How bad do you want me?" I whispered teasingly.

"So bad." He answered.

I smiled as I pulled his lips back to mine. I put my hands on his chest, and felt all his muscles underneath his shirt. It was now _my _turn to feel insane. The way Alvin smiled that bad boy smile of his, the way his eyes gleamed, the way his hair pointed in every direction, the feeling of his flawless body underneath my hands, the way he touched my body, and the way he kissed me - I was beginning to feel extremely aroused.

I was unable to hold myself back anymore. I reached for the bottom of my shirt, and pulled it right off over my head. Alvin pulled away from our kiss and looked at my figure, then looked into my eyes. We have never gone as far as kissing, but today, I could feel that both me and Alvin wanted to go even further.

He sat up on his elbows and said, "Britt, are-"

"I want you." I whispered.

We just stared at each other for a moment before he said, "Are you sure? I mean, we don't have to rush into it if-"

"Don't you want to?" I asked.

"I do. Trust me, I do." He said. "But I don't want us to do anything that you might regret later on."

"I won't regret anything. I want you, Alvin." I said.

He raised his eyebrows in a teasing matter.

I pushed him back down, and leaned in so that our faces were almost touching. God, he is so good looking. He looked so irresistable and so tempting, my heart began to flutter. My heart was beating so fast as I thought about the words that were so close to escaping my lips. I stared into his gold eyes and sighed deeply.

"Make love to me." I whispered.

Alvin smirked. "Damn, Britt."

"Come on. Like you said, let's take advantage of this 'vacation'. We're alone in this house with no brothers, no sisters, no one. It's just you and me, having this house all to ourselves. We don't have to worry about being loud, or anything. We can make love to each other for as long as we want." I whispered.

He gave me a wickedly evil smile, before lightly tracing his fingers along my plain body. "You have no idea how badly I want you."

I stuck my hands up his shirt and pulled it right off. I recklessly threw it on the floor, then whispered, "Then show me."

"But it'll be so hard to do it on such a tiny couch." He teased seductively.

My heart skipped a beat. Did I really hear what I thought I heard? I felt my cheeks blush, but I giggled softly before sliding off of him. I held my hand out to help him up.

"Well, then. Let's go to my bedroom." I said, trying to sound as flirtatious as I could.

Alvin laughed softly before standing up, and swooping me off my feet, carrying me bridal style down the hallway, and into my bedroom. He kicked the door closed behind him, and gently dropped me on the bed. He stood at the edge, and instantly leaned down to kiss my body. I sighed to myself, loving the feeling of my bed covers under my naked back. I moaned quietly when I felt Alvin undo the strings of my sweat pants, and within a second, he pulled them right off. I was now clad in nothing but my bra and underwear.

He scanned my body and said, "How'd you know I like lace?"

My cheeks heated up again, suddenly remembering that I was wearing extremely lacy underwear. But I playfully rolled my eyes and said, "Don't be stupid. It wasn't like I wore it for you."

He laughed. "Harsh much?"

I smiled, then whispered, "I always wear lace."

He laughed again as he got onto the bed to hover over me. He looked at me deep in the eyes and said, "Are you sure you want this?"

I didn't answer at first. Was I sure? Did I want this? It only took me a second before telling myself that I do want this - that I want him. Okay, I admit that I was just a bit nervous since it was my very first time. But I wasn't going to hold myself back from Alvin anymore. I knew I was ready. And there is no one in the entire world who I would want to do this with, rather than him. I want him, I need him, I want to feel his touch, his body, his lips, everything.

"I'm sure." I whispered. "Are you?"

Alvin smiled. "Hell yeah."

I laughed and rolled my eyes. "Someone's feeling horny." I teased.

He chuckled lightly before sighing, and looking me deep in the eyes. He gently caressed my cheek and said, "But you have to tell me if I'm hurting you, okay? If something doesn't feel right, you have to tell me right away."

I smiled and whispered, "But I'm sure _everything _will feel just right."

Alvin laughed. "Oh, and _I'm _the one who's horny?"

I giggled before pulling him down, getting on top of him, and pinning his arm to the bed. I said nothing more before leaning down to kiss him. I parted my lips, anxiously wanting his tongue to slither into my mouth. And he took that as an invitation, and within a matter of seconds, we were french kissing again. I was losing my mind. I was running out of breath. I wanted him.

An without even realizing it, my fingers made their way to his pants. I quickly undid the button, pulled the zipper down, and pulled his pants right off. Alvin and I were now in nothing but our underwear.

I ran my hands over his body. "Mm, hello 6 pack."

He laughed lightly before gently pushing me off of him to pull me close to him, so we could be lying on the bed side by side. He pulled the blanket over us, wrapped his arms around me, and kissed me. I kissed him back, moaning softly as our hands touched almost every part of each other's body. My hands stopped at him neck, where I wrapped my arms around it. Our bodies were so compressed against each other's, that I could feel his body heat come off of his body, and onto mine.

One of Alvin's hands traveled down the inside of my thigh, playfully touching my lacy black lingerie. I pulled away, bit my bottom lip in pleasure and breathed deeply. His flawless, muscular body was pressed against my body frame, careful that he wouldn't crush me. But as of now, I didn't care. I wanted every part of him.

Alvin pulled himself over me and kissed my neck. I groaned as I ran my nails over his bare back. I shivered with pleasurable bliss when I felt his tongue glide along my skin.

"God, Alvin..." I moaned.

His hands started to play around with my body in an extremely seductive way. I reached up to kiss his lips, before gently kissing his body. I pushed him down so I could be the one on top again. I climbed on top of his stomach, and kissed him fully on the lips. I felt his hands move to my waist, before our kissing became more steamy and sultry. Our lips, head and bodies were moving in perfect timing.

After about 3 minutes, I pulled back, sat up and ran a hand through my hair, trying to catch my breath. Alvin laid under me, trying to catch his breath as well. I felt so lightheaded, but I managed to smile darkly at him.

He gave me his famous smirk and said, "I knew you were aggressive in real life, but I never knew HOW aggressive you were in bed."

I rolled my eyes, trying to ignore the first part of that, but I couldn't help but laugh. "There's just something about you that turns me on."

He smiled. "Oh really?"

I nodded before leaning down towards his ear, and whispered, "And I find it extremely sexy."

He pulled my lips back to his again. We countined to kiss for the next few minutes before he pulled me back down so I could be the one laying on my back on top of the bed. He pulled away from me for a bit to stare into my eyes.

"Why'd you stop?" I asked breathlessly.

"Are you 100% sure you want to do this?" He asked.

I nodded. "Yes, and with you. Only you." I whispered.

He smiled. "You know I want you too, Brittany. But I don't want you to think that we have to pressure ourselves into doing this."

I looked at him for a few seconds before asking, "Why do _you _seem so hesitant about it?"

Alvin sighed deeply, which made me look at him in confusion. "I'm not hesitant, Britt. I want us do to it, believe me. But it's just, well, I don't have any...condoms." He said slowly.

I froze. We stared into each other's eyes for a long, long time. Alvin looked at me with eyes full of seriousness, while I stared at him with emotionless eyes. But despite what Alvin said, I didn't care. I knew that I was NOT having second thoughts. I wasn't going to let this moment slip through our fingers.

"Screw it." I said.

He raised his eyebrows at me. "You're truly amazing, you know that?"

I smiled naughtily as I pulled his face near mine to whisper, "I want you, Alvin. I want you to make love to me all day, and all night long..."

He looked into my eyes and smiled with an equal amount of malice. "Tell me what to do." He whispered sinfully.

I breathed heavily as I leaned towards his ear and whispered, "Fuck me."

Within a matter of seconds, he pulled the two of us under the bed covers and stripped off our remaining clothing. And just when I thought today couldn't get any more perfect, I was soon proven wrong. We began to make love to each other as if there was no tomorrow. Who knows how long we've been doing it? But today, I lost my virginity to him in the most heated, sensual, desirous, lascivious, lustful and steamy way imaginable. It was beyond perfect.

Alvin and I passed out after 2 hours of nonstop love making, fell asleep, woke up, spent another hour of doing it, passed out again, started round 3, and before we knew it, it was already 5PM.

Alvin wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. I could feel his heart flutter softly. We were both exhausted, but incredibly exhilarated and satisfied. The insides of my thighs, my legs, my arms, my torso and my lips were sore, but it was _so _worth it. I closed my eyes, feeling beads of sweat roll down my face.

"How was that for our first time, huh?" He whispered.

"Amazing..." I sighed, cuddling against his body.

"And it's only just the beginning." He whispered into my ear.

I felt all tingly inside when he said that. "Are you trying to get me horny again?"

"Is it working?" He teased.

I smiled and nodded before giving him a quick kiss on the lips. "It seemed like you were having fun."

"Says you. You couldn't stop screaming my name." He teased.

I rolled my eyes, trying to hide my embarrassment.

He laughed, seeing how humiliated I was. And if I knew Alvin, then I knew that he was going to take this as an opportunity to embarrass me more - and I was right. He looked at me in the eyes and said, "It's amazing how this bed is still standing. With the amount of movement we made, I would have thought that it would be broken by now."

I blushed in embarrassment, but said, "I'm surprised this whole house is still standing!"

He laughed gently, and tucked a part of my hair behind my ear.

I looked up into his eyes and sighed deeply. "Was this your first time?"

He looked at me, confused. "What?"

I looked down for a second before meeting his gaze again. "Was today your first time doing _it_? I mean, it's no secret that you've gone out with so many girls in the past before, but-"

"Britt, are you talking about Victoria?" He asked me slowly.

I froze for a moment when I heard her name. But I sighed. "Well, yeah..."

"Brittany, listen to me. I have never ever done anything as far as kiss that girl. I have never had sex with anyone but you. And it will only be you, okay? I promise." Alvin said gently, but sincerely.

I sighed and nodded. "I believe you." I whispered.

He kissed my forehead gently, and pulled me closer to him. We stayed like this for a few minutes, as I closed my eyes. But minutes later, I felt Alvin lean in and kiss my neck again.

I giggled softly. "Mmm, you just can't get enough of me, can you?"

"Nope." He murmured against my skin before giving my cheek a light kiss, then gently went to kiss my lips. We began to kiss each other softly, yet passionately.

I pulled away, laughing lightly. "Baby..." I whispered.

He smiled and pulled me on top of him. I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand up when I felt his warm body between my legs as I straddled on his stomach. And _yes_, we were both still naked. I ran my fingers over his muscular stomach before leaning down to kiss him. My fingers then twisted itself into his hair, as he held my body close to his. The pleasurable sensations between my legs made me groan lightly, and before I knew it, Alvin pinned me back down on the bed again. He held me tightly, gently tangling his fingers into my hair.

I pulled away for a slight moment to look at him.

"Round 4?" I asked innocently.

He just gave me a sly, seductive wink that instantly made me feel all naughty and dirty on the inside.

We wasted no more time as I pinned him back down on the bed. I smiled darkly at him once more before I took control of this round. I instantly dominated his body, and went down to his lower half. And well, you know the rest...

* * *

**See? It wasn't so descriptive at all! I, personally, don't really like writing about every single detail during love scenes. But hey. What's a story without a little bit of 'physical love', hm?**

**Thanks so much to everyone who has supported me on this story over the past year. I mean, 900 reviews? Gosh, I feel so loved :')**

**Thanks for reading, and PLEASE review! Love you all :D**


	48. Wish

1 month later...

It was now the 2nd week of April. On the day Alvin and I came back from our little vacation, my sisters were furious at the both of us. Alvin tried to reason with them, saying that THEY were the ones who told him to take me back home. But Jeanette and Eleanor fought back, angry at him for 'stealing' me away for an entire week without telling them, instead of just 1 day like they had asked. I sighed. I mean, why did it matter to my sisters? I'm old enough to go anywhere I want without them knowing! And I'm older than them, for God's sake! But Simon and Theodore just rolled their eyes, expecting such obvious behavior from their older brother.

But I didn't care if our younger siblings were mad at us. The little getaway Alvin and I spent with each other was perfect.

But ever since we came back, Alvin and I literally couldn't keep our hands off of each other. Sometimes we forget that our siblings are around, while we steal kisses from one another. I could tell that Simon, Theodore, Jeanette and Eleanor were already annoyed by mine and Alvin's constant public display of affection.

But here's the embarrassing part. It didn't take very long for our siblings to find out that Alvin and I had lost our virginity to each other. It was mainly my fault. I slept over at the boys' dorm one night, and slept in Alvin's room where we...you know, did _it_ again. But the next morning when I left, I carelessly forgot my lingerie in his room. Simon and Theodore eventually found out, and blabbed it to my sisters. And let's just say that Jeanette and Eleanor weren't too happy to hear that.

And it happened again, just the following week after that. The boys came over to our dorm to have dinner and to watch a movie. But Jeanette asked me if she could use my laptop because hers drained of battery. So I told her that it was on top of my bed, but a few seconds after she walked into my room, she shrieked and ran out, looking absolutely disgusted. We asked her what was wrong, but without saying a word, Jeanette pointed at me and motioned me to follow her into my bedroom. Once we both stepped in, she glared at me as she pointed towards the bed. I looked over and froze once I saw what she was pointing at - a pack of condoms, which I completely forgot to put away the last time Alvin and I had the dorm to ourselves.

God, that was the most embarrassing day of my life. But Alvin and I were extra carful now, making sure we cleared up all the evidence before our siblings found out again. That was the LAST thing we needed.

Today was a sunny Sunday morning. My sisters and I woke up extra early today. Why? Because today was Alvin, Simon and Theodore's 20th birthday. We figured that since they threw us a party for our birthday back in November, that we'd do the same. Yeah, I know my last birthday was a day meant to be forgotten. I mean, that was the day I told Alvin I loved him - and the day he told me he loved someone else. But those things don't matter anymore. They belong in the past.

While Jeanette decorated the dorm room with balloons and streamers, I was in the kitchen with Eleanor, watching her as she started on the cake.

"You know, it'd be easier if you just buy the cake instead of making it." I said.

"But making the cake from scratch is actually meaningful!" Eleanor said.

I watched as she poured a few cups of sugar into the mixture, then sighed. "Need help?"

Eleanor looked at me, and that's when I knew I shouldn't have said something. My sister is down right serious when it came to cooking and baking. "And take the risk of having you accidentally ruin a future masterpiece? Sorry, Britt." She teased.

I smiled and rolled my eyes. "Fine, fine. I'm gonna go see if Jeanette needs some help." I said before getting up to walk into the living room.

But I suddenly stopped dead in my tracks when I saw the condition the living room was in. There were colorful balloons and streamers in every inch of the place. It was as if a rainbow just exploded out of nowhere. Wow. Jeanette really outdid herself - literally.

I slowly walked into the living room and said, "Jeanette, who did you invite? The whole school or something?"

She looked me at me weirdly. "No. It's just the 6 of us, isn't it? Why?"

"Nothing. It's just..." I trailed off, looking at the sea of balloons on the floor.

Jeanette sighed. "Too much?"

"Er, well...it would have been cute if the guys were turning 10." I said. Jeanette frowned, but then I said, "But other than that, I think it's great. One question though. Why are we having the boys' party here? Shouldn't we have it in their dorm?"

"No." Jeanette laughed. "I mean, how would we be able to decorate the place without them knowing?"

I laughed lightly then sighed. "Can I help?"

"No, it's fine. I'm almost done anyway." Jeanette said.

"Then what am I suppose to do? I wanna do something, at least." I complained.

"Go help Eleanor with the cake." Said Jeanette as she tied up a silver balloon and released it, making it fly up to the ceiling.

"She won't let me. And besides, I wanna help decorate for the party too! Simon and Theo are my friends as well, you know. And not to mention, Alvin's my boyfriend." I said.

Jeanette sighed heavily. "Fine. Can you help me finish pumping up these balloons?"

"More balloons?" I asked in disbelief.

She passed me a few unblown balloons and said, "Yes. Now deal with it." She joked.

A minute later, after tying up my first balloon, I stopped and looked at Jeanette. "You know, speaking of boyfriends...when are you gonna tell Simon you like him?"

Jeanette looked up at me. "What?"

"Oh, come on. It's so obvious that you guys like each other!" I said.

"Simon's just my best friend." She said, almost muttering.

I shrugged. "So? Same with me and Alvin. And look what we are to each other now."

My sister just rolled her eyes and ignored me before going back to blowing up balloons, clearly trying to hide her embarrassment. But seconds later, Eleanor popped her head into the living room from the kitchen and laughed.

"I agree with Brittany. You should make the first move and tell him you like him, Jeanette." Said Eleanor.

"He's nothing more than my friend!" Jeanette exclaimed.

"Yeah? Then why are your cheeks getting all pink?" Asked Eleanor.

Jeanette glared at her for a long time before saying, "Why don't YOU tell Theodore you like him? Because we all know you do, Elle."

Eleanor's smile disappeared, and said nothing more before returning back to the kitchen. I laughed to myself. It was no secret who my sisters had crushes on, and I had to admit that Simon and Theodore do go well with them. But it was clear that they were all shy about it.

Jeanette and I finally finished with the balloons, the exact same time Eleanor popped the cake into the oven. And as we waited for the cake to bake, we all got ready by doing our hair and dressing up in nice, decent formal clothes. Both my sisters were wearing a nice blouse with jeans, while I wore a simple but cute mini-dress that was kinda short in length. But when my sisters saw my choice in clothing, they frowned.

"_Please _don't tell us you're gonna wear that." Eleanor groaned. "We're throwing a party for our _best friends_. We're not going to a strip club."

I frowned. "What's wrong with what I'm wearing?"

"Well, for starters, you're showing way too much skin. The dress is way too short, and for God's sake, cover your chest area!" Jeanette exclaimed.

To be honest, I didn't intend to make the dress look skimpy. I thought it looked okay. It wasn't that bad. But it was clear that my sisters didn't approve. And when Jeanette and Eleanor teamed up against me, I always had a thin chance of getting my way.

"God, since when did you become Miss Miller?" I muttered, pulling up the front chest part of my dress.

Jeanette laughed. "We can only imagine the things that'll run in Alvin's mind if he sees you in that dress. What are you planning to do? Give him a lap dance or something?"

Eleanor burst out laughing while my mouth dropped open. "No! Ew, gosh! We're not like that!"

"Uh, yeah you guys are. We know about yours and Alvin's little 'sleepovers'. Don't think that we can't hear you two, because we can. And let me tell you, it's extremely uncomfortable." Eleanor said.

My cheeks flamed up in humiliation but I sighed, annoyed. "Fine! I'll go change!"

"Britt, we were kidding!" Said Jeanette, laughing lightly.

"Whatever. I'll change into something else." I muttered, before walking into my room to change into a more suitable dress. A few minutes later, I walked out, faced my sisters and said, "There, happy? Is _this_ dress less revealing?"

"Think about it this way, Britt. At least you're doing Alvin a favor by not setting his hormones on fire." Jeanette smirked.

I sighed exasperatedly. "You two are never gonna let me live it down, will you? I mean, ever since that incident with the condom, you guys can't stop joking about it!"

Eleanor laughed. "Then maybe you and Alvin should be more careful on where you leave your stuff."

I groaned. Gosh, not only was in uncomfortable and humiliating having my sisters tease me about my sex life, it was just plain weird. But I managed to ignore them until they finally left it alone. But I can see that they still found it amusing, despite how annoyed they get in real life once they do see me and Alvin get all affectionate within their presence.

After an hour, the cake was done. Eleanor iced it perfectly with lemon cream cheese frosting. She wrote each of the boys' names in vanilla icing, and for the finishing touch, sprinkled caramelized pecans on the top. The cake looked incredibly amazing.

"Should we call the boys now?" Asked Eleanor.

Jeanette nodded. "Yeah, I'll text Simon and tell them to come." She said as she pulled out her cell phone.

I sighed to myself as I sat down on the couch. I couldn't believe that the boys are now 20 years old. My sisters and I are 19, but 20 seems a lot more older. It was hard to believe that my sisters and I met Alvin, Simon and Theodore when we were 5. And now, 15 years later, we're still best friends.

10 minutes passed. Jeanette and I waited in our living room, while Eleanor was in the kitchen, making sure that the cake was flawless. Jeanette and I gave each other a look. Eleanor can be a bit obsessive when it came to the food she made. I mean, it's all gonna get eaten anyway, right?

After popping the cake in the fridge to let it cool, Eleanor walked into the living room for the first time after Jeanette decorated it, then froze. She looked around then said, "Jeanette, what the _hell _did you do to our living room?"

I laughed while Jeanette rolled her eyes. "Whatever." She said.

But before me or Eleanor could say something, we heard 5 knocks coming from the front door. My sisters and I all looked at each other and beamed. We all got up and rushed to the front door, before Eleanor pulled it open. We all smiled when we saw them standing there, each looking dashing in their own way.

"Happy birthday, guys!" Jeanette squealed, reaching out to give Simon a hug, while Eleanor hugged Theodore.

"Thanks!" Said Simon, now giving Eleanor a hug while Jeanette hugged Theodore.

After embracing Simon and Theodore, I turned around to look at the other one. He stood there, leaning against the door frame, giving me that devilishly handsome smile of his. I felt my heart escalade into a series of flutters.

"Forgetting someone?" He asked smoothly.

I smiled and rolled my eyes before walking over to him. I looked up into his eyes and whispered, "Happy birthday."

He just smiled, then looked at my dress before looking back at me. "I like what you're wearing."

But before I could respond, Eleanor spoke up from behind me and said, "You should have seen what she was wearing earlier. Then you would have _loved _it."

I turned around to look at my little sister and glared at her. She did _NOT _just go there.

But Alvin just laughed before turning me back around to kiss me lightly. But instantly knowing what would happen if no one stopped us, Jeanette cleared her throat in the background, making me instantly pull away from Alvin.

"Hey, none of that." Jeanette said, then smiled. "Let's go eat cake!"

The 6 of us went into the kitchen and gathered around the table. While Jeanette got each of us a plate and fork, Eleanor took the cake from the fridge and set it in the middle of the table. The boys looked impressed.

"Wow, Elle. Nice cake. It's as good as the one we made during your birthday." Alvin said, before turning to Theodore. "Looks like you have some competition, Theo."

Theodore shrugged and smiled. "I have to agree. Elle's a good cook."

"Thanks, Theo." Said Eleanor, clearly embarrassed and flattered at the same time. Jeanette and I looked at Eleanor, and after seeing how bashful our little sister was, we looked at each other and smiled. But then Eleanor got up, grabbed something from the counter then said, "But before we slice the cake, you guys need to blow the candles!"

Alvin looked at her in disbelief. "Candles? Are you serious? I thought we were past that kind of stuff. Like, 15 years past that kind of stuff."

"Come on, Alvin. You know you want to." I teased, but he just rolled his eyes. And without giving him a chance to respond, I took the '20' shaped candle from my sister, stuck it in the middle of the cake, and lit it up with a lighter.

"Okay, okay. But can you guys _not _sing 'Happy Birthday'?" Alvin groaned.

But as usual, Jeanette, Eleanor and I ignored him and went ahead and sang 'Happy Birthday' anyway, much to Alvin's embarrassment. But just when Theodore and Simon were gonna blow the candle, Alvin extinguished the small flame by fanning it with a piece of paper. We all just glared at him, annoyed. But like always, Alvin acted as if he didn't do anything.

But we decided to let that go, as we finally started slicing the cake, each taking a piece for ourselves. Halfway through eating, Jeanette stood up, went to the cupboard, and pulled out 3 individual candles. She stuck them in the remaining half of the cake and lit them up.

Alvin looked at her. "What the hell is this?"

Jeanette looked at him. "Well, since you were being an ass by putting out the candle, I think we should try this again. And this time, you guys each get your own candle, _and_ you have to make a wish."

Alvin said nothing for a bit as he glared at my sister in annoyance. But he groaned then said, "God. Whatever. I might as well get it over with."

First, Simon blew his candle, then Theodore. Then before we knew it, it was Alvin's turn. We all looked at him, watching him and he looked at the cake in disbelief.

He sighed deeply. "I wish-"

"No! You can't say it out loud!" Said Eleanor.

Alvin slightly rolled his eyes, paused and thought it over, then finally blew out his candle.

I laughed. "See? Did that kill you, Mr. 'I'm-So-Freakin-Cool'?" I teased, looking at him.

Alvin rolled his eyes as he turned to me. "Funny, Britt."

"What did you wish for?" I asked.

"Can't tell you." He said.

"But I thought you didn't believe in that stuff!" I exclaimed.

"I know. I just don't wanna tell you." He said, smiling at me.

I looked at him in disbelief for a while, then rolled my eyes. It was clear that he wasn't going to tell me, so there was no point in whining. But I don't care. I want to know what he wished for. I can't help myself from being curious! After eating, we all gathered up in the living room. But the moment we stepped inside, the boys froze and looked around, seeing the colorful explosion of balloons and streamers.

"Whoa. What happened here?" Asked Theodore.

"It looks like some sort of rainbow tornado passed through or something!" Said Alvin.

Eleanor and I snickered while Jeanette rolled her eyes. "Not you guys too..." She muttered.

"Well I like it. I think it looks nice." Said Simon.

Jeanette looked at him, and I saw that her cheeks were reddening from her shyness. "Thanks, Simon."

Eleanor and I looked at each other, and smiled. It was so obvious that Theodore and Simon liked my sisters, and that my sisters liked them back. It was so cute, but I just wish they would tell each other soon. But I know it's a hard thing to do. Trust me, I know what it feels like.

After we all sat down on the couches, I looked at the boys and asked, "So, what do you guys wanna do for your birthday?"

Theodore shrugged. "Anything. Wanna watch a movie?"

"But we do that all the time, Theo." Said Simon. "Hey, how about bowling? Remember how we use to go bowling all the time when we were kids?"

"Yeah, I remember! I think that's a good idea. What do you guys think?" Asked Jeanette.

"That sounds like fun. I'm in." Said Eleanor, while Theodore nodded in agreement.

I looked at Alvin. "Wanna go?"

Alvin shrugged. "Sure. But you guys have to promise that you won't go crying your eyes out when I beat your ass and win." Then he looked at me and smirked. "That means you, babe."

I raised my eyebrows. "Okay. You're on. But let's make this more interesting." I said.

"God, not again." Groaned Simon from the side.

I looked at Alvin and said, "If I win, you have to tell me one thing."

Alvin raised an eyebrow. "What thing?"

"You have to tell me what you wished for." I said.

Alvin paused for a moment before giving me a dark smile. "Deal."

We drove to the nearest bowling alley, where Alvin and I instantly turned into our competitive 10 year old selves again, much to our siblings' dismay. Theodore, Jeanette and I were on one team, while Alvin, Simon and Eleanor were on the other. For the first two rounds, Alvin was winning by a LOT, which made me cuss under my breath.

"Looks like you're losing, Britt." He chuckled as he passed me.

I shoved him away as I took the bowling ball in my hands. "We'll see who'll be laughing in the end." I sneered.

After two more rounds, I was still losing to Alvin by at least 30 points.

"It's just a game, Brittany. Relax." Jeanette said.

I turned to her and said, "When I'm competing against Alvin, nothing's a game."

But just as I thought I was done for, Theodore got 2 strikes in a row, followed by Jeanette's one strike. We were now tied. I turned to Alvin and smirked when I saw how frustrated he looked. The game was nearly finished, but there was just one turn left - my turn. If I knock down at least 5 pins, my team will win, and I get to laugh at Alvin for losing. After 15 years of knowing each other, we are still extremely competitive. Gosh, it reminded me so much of when we were younger.

I walked over to Alvin and smiled. "Aww, cheer up. Losing isn't _that _bad. But you'll just have to live with the humiliation of getting defeated by your own girlfriend."

Alvin rolled his eyes. "Don't get too cocky now, Britt. There's still one more bowl left."

I just smiled innocently at him. I said nothing more as I turned around, took the ball, and took my place. I stared down the bowling alley and took a deep breath, knowing that Alvin was sharply staring at me behind my back. Finally, I lifted up my arms, threw them back, and rolled the ball with all my might. As the ball rolled, the 6 of us fell completely silent.

Fear, anticipation, nervousness, impatience and anxiousness flooded inside of me as I watched the bowling ball roll down the lane. Rolling, rolling ever so smoothly, ever so slowly until...

"YES!" I squealed, beginning to jump up and down with excitement. "DID YOU SEE THAT, ALVIN? I GOT A STRIKE AND I BEAT YOU! I FREAKIN' WON! IN YOUR FACE!"

I heard Eleanor sigh behind me. "Here we go again..."

I skipped over to Alvin, who looked incredibly irritated. "Yeah, yeah. That was just luck, Brittany. And besides, I let you win." He said.

I laughed. "Is that so?"

He nodded. "Yeah, of course. I mean, what kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn't let my own girlfriend win at a game of bowling?"

I rolled my eyes. "I like how you try and cover up your embarrassment by being modest, Alvin." I said in the most sweetest tone possible.

But before Alvin could answer back, Simon pulled his brother away, the same time Jeanette pulled me away. She sighed and said, "I'm doing this for everyone's sake, before you and Alvin kill each other..."

Soon, we returned our bowling shoes to get our own shoes back. I walked over to Alvin, who was on the ground tying up his shoes, and sat down beside him. He turned towards me, raised his eyebrows and said, "Gonna rub it in my face, Britt?"

I scoffed. "No, of course not. Why in the world would I ever do that?" I teased.

He smiled and rolled his eyes before getting up, and holding out a hand to help me off the ground. He gave me a light kiss on the cheek before turning around to walk away. But before he could get out of my reach, I got a hold on his arm, and pulled him back.

"Wait. Aren't you forgetting something?" I asked.

He raised his eyebrows. "Um, I don't think so..."

"Our deal, remember? If I won, you'd tell me what you wished for." I said.

He sighed. "Do I have to?"

"Yes, you do." I said.

Alvin laughed lightly and smiled. He pulled the two of us away out of earshot of our siblings, then looked at me. "Do you really wanna know what I wished for?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I do."

"You sure?"

"Yes. It's a part of our deal. So tell me, please?" I asked.

He sighed once more before tucking a loose piece of my hair behind my ear, and caressing my cheek. "Well, I wished that..." He trailed off.

I frowned. "What?" I asked.

He smiled and looked at me deep in the eyes for a short moment before finally saying, "I wished that I could be with you forever."

I looked into his golden eyes, feeling my heart melt into a pool of love and desire. I sighed, feeling my heart speed up as fast as a hummingbird's fluttering wings. Those words made me wanna just burst into tears. God, I just fell in love with him even more. Everytime I looked at him, if felt like the first time. I couldn't even explain what I'm feeling right now. It was impossible to describe the amount of love and infatuation I felt towards him. The 3 simple words 'I love you' will never be enough to describe what I felt for him.

Sometimes no words can describe the feelings I get for him, how much my heart races when he smiles at me, how much I feel safe when he kisses me, how much I don't want to let go when I'm in his arms. Being with him is the best feeling in the world. My love for him is just _endless_.

I smiled and reached up to wrap my arms around his neck. We stared at each other in silence for a minute or so before I finally spoke up.

"Well, consider that wish granted." I whispered.

Alvin chuckled softly and smiled before leaning in towards me to give me one more soft kiss. Alvin and I both know that my answer to his wish will last eternally, always and forever, forever and always.

* * *

**The bowling/birthday scene was so fun to write lol. But God, Alvin and Brittany are so cute and perfect together, it hurts.**

**Oh, and I just _had _to add a Simon/Jeanette and Theodore/Eleanor scene for you guys :)**

**I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter. Only 3 more chapters left! The last chapters will be a trilogy of epilogues.**

**PLEASE PLEASE review! Thank you!**


	49. Afraid of falling in love with you

**This is the final chapter before the epilogues! Oh god, I can't believe this story is ending...**

**But in the mean time, I hope you enjoy reading!**

* * *

1 month later...

I couldn't believe it was already the 2nd week of May. In just 4 weeks, the school year will be over. It's hard to believe that this has been our first year at college. Thinking back, the amount of things that happened in just 8 months was just overwhelming.

This college year is definitely one to remember.

This year has changed my life, from the first day of college to this very day. In just 8 months, I fell in love with the boy I least expected to fall in love with, got my heart shattered countless of times, got stuck in the middle of every situation, felt the pain of losing Miss Miller, cried my soul out each night, made many mistakes, got hurt, saw the boy I loved get hurt, met 2 people named Victoria and Anthony...

But none of those things mattered anymore. They happened in the past, and they will stay in the past. Alvin and I are now together, and in the short months of us being in an actual relationship, I could tell that what we have is the real thing. No amount of words can express the love Alvin and I feel for one another. Though we've known each other all our lives, this relationship actually brought us closer together. Words will never be enough, but I love him, and he loves me.

He is so protective of me, like he would walk through fire just for me. And though I would do the same for him, it was still an amazing feeling to know that there is someone out there, who loves me as much as I love him.

Alvin Seville; the boy I knew since I was 5, the boy I despised, the boy who I became best friends with, the boy I trusted, confided in, laughed with, cried to, smiled, yelled, screamed, hated, loved...I know it sounds lame, but honestly, he's my everything.

He's my world, he's my life, he's my heart, and I would never do anything to let him go. He means so much to me, that I would do anything for him. And even though we still fight, argue and yell at each other as if we were still 10 years old, I still love him with every damn nerve in my body.

Today, it was a warm Monday afternoon. Coincidentally, neither me or my sisters had class today. Don't ask me why, there was just some big meeting for some of the teachers. I was glad, because I didn't want to go to class. But despite the joy of not having class on a Monday, there was still the rest of the week to dread.

But today, instead of being a couch potato all day and doing nothing at home, I decided to watch Alvin's football practice today. I dragged Jeanette and Eleanor along with me just for the hell of it. Everyone knows that Alvin has been a football player ever since elementary, and it was no surprise when he got accepted into the football studies course at this college, but watching him now...there was a huge difference in his playing. It was incredible.

As I watched, I flinched and cringed every now and then when I saw him get tackled to the ground, but he always shook it off and continued playing. It was so masculine and so attractive, gosh, is there something he can't do?

My sisters and I were on the bleachers facing the football field. I sighed and turned to them. "He plays like a pro, doesn't he."

Eleanor nodded. "I actually think it's frightening at how good he's gotten."

I laughed before turning back to the field. I watched as the coach blew the whistle, and as the entire team gathered around him. They were across the field, so it was impossible to hear what the coach was telling them, but after a minute or so, a small eruption of cheers and 'Congrats' were heard coming from the group of footballers. I suddenly raised my eyebrows as people began to pat Alvin on the back, while some gave him high fives.

"What do you think that's all about?" Jeanette asked.

I looked at my sister, then shrugged. "No idea."

"Well whatever it is, it looks like they're congratulating Alvin on something." Said Jeanette.

"Maybe he did something right...for once." Eleanor joked.

I rolled my eyes, but I couldn't help but laugh. I turned back to the field, and instantly saw Alvin running towards us. He was in his football jersey, but damn, he looked so good. I smiled at him when he finally reached us.

"Hey guys." He said.

"Hi. How's practice?" I asked.

"It's going good. We just finished." He said.

"Oh, good." I said. "Um, why were people congratulating you back there?"

Alvin gave me a sly smile, but shrugged. "Nothing big. I just got promoted as the team's captain for next year, that's all. No big deal." He said cooly.

I gasped and squealed as I got off my seat to jump into his arms. I gave him a big grin before giving him a quick kiss on the lips. "No big deal? Are you serious? Alvin, that's amazing!"

He just laughed softly. "Thanks, Britt."

"I'm so proud of you." I said before leaning in to kiss him again, but this time, even longer. But of course, my sisters just _had _to interrupt it.

"We're still here, you know." Muttered Jeanette, which made me and Alvin pull away from each other.

Alvin laughed. "Sorry guys."

"But congrats, Alvin. You deserve it." Said Jeanette.

"Yeah, congratulations. But one question. How the _hell _did you get so good? Like, you were good all through elementary and high school, but now, you're like, incredibly good." Said Eleanor.

Alvin smiled. "Practice makes perfect. You should know that, Elle. You're the one who's crazily obsessed when it comes to cooking food."

Eleanor rolled her eyes. "Still..."

I laughed. Growing up, Alvin and Eleanor always has this mini brother-against-sister rivalry between them. But their rivalry was nowhere are big as mine and Alvin's. If you think about it, Jeanette has argued with Alvin a lot in the past too. I guess when you know someone like Alvin, it's literally impossible _not _to get into a little disagreement with him.

Alvin laughed softly before saying, "Well, I'm gonna go change before the locker room gets crowded."

"I'll wait for you." I said to him.

But before Alvin could say something, Eleanor turned to Jeanette and said, "I think that's our cue to go, Jeanette. I think these two want privacy."

I rolled my eyes. "Guys..."

Jeanette nodded and turned to look at me and Alvin. "Don't worry, Britt. We understand. Have fun, but don't have _too_ much fun, if you know what I mean..."

I groaned while both of my sisters snickered. "I swear guys. Don't you two ever get tired of teasing me about..._that_?"

"Nope. We'll never make you forget it." Said Eleanor. "So the next time you two do _it_, you better clear up all your evidence if you don't want any of us to find out."

I rolled my eyes again. I felt my cheeks flame up in embarrassment, but then I said, "Okay, you guys are really making me say it, but...stop teasing me about my sex life!"

I heard Alvin laugh lightly beside me, while my sisters broke into giggling fits. I glared up at Alvin, and frowned. Why did he find it funny? This involved him too! Okay, I get it already - it's humiliatingly funny, but after a while, it gets pretty boring. I mean, my sisters have never stopped teasing me, and I have a pretty bad feeling that it's not going to stop for a while. Yeah, I know it's my fault in the first place, but my sisters can't stop teasing me about it!

Jeanette waved us off as she and Eleanor began to walk away. "Be home by 8PM, Britt."

I sighed in annoyance. "I know, I know." I muttered before the two of them finally walked away, leaving me and Alvin alone at last.

Alvin smiled when he noticed my embarrassment. He laughed lightly then said, "It's okay, Britt. They're just teasing."

"God, but they're so annoying. I mean, my own sisters are teasing about our sex life, Alvin. Ever since Jeanette found the pack of condoms on my bed, they won't stop bringing it up. Talk about awkward." I muttered.

Alvin chuckled softly again before giving me a light kiss on the cheek. "Give me a few minutes to go take a shower and change out of my football jersey, okay? I'll be out in a bit."

I nodded before he crossed the field to go into the changing room, while I sat back down on the bleachers. About 10 minutes later, he came back out, crossed the field, and went back to me. He sat down beside me and sighed.

"So. What should we do today?" He asked.

I shrugged. "I dunno. It's a Monday. There's nothing much to do."

He sighed and pondered for a moment. "Well, I don't know about you, but I'm starving. Wanna go have lunch?"

I shrugged again. "Okay. Oh, let's go to that cafe down the street. They have such good pasta there."

"Sure." He said before getting up, holding out a hand to help me up, and swinging an arm around me.

We didn't have to drive to the cafe because it was literally like, 2 minutes away from the college. We walked hand in hand down the grassy field, along the sidewalk that separated the dorm building to the campus building, into the school, out the front doors and into the parking lot. I sighed as I felt the sun rays hit my skin. God, how I missed this weather. I was glad that it was finally May, but it also felt surreal to know that the college year was ending in just a few weeks.

I sighed as I intertwined my fingers through his. "It's hard to believe that the year is ending soon."

"I know what you mean." Alvin said. "This year has been quite...intense for the both of us."

I nodded and inhaled deeply. With that one statement, everything that happened between us came back flying into my mind. And though I've tried to forget about all those memories, it was literally impossible to leave them behind.

He sighed. "But Brittany, despite all that's happened between you and me these past months, I'm relieved that it happened because it brought you and I together. Even though we've known each other for 15 years, this relationship has brought us closer to each other than we already were. And like I said, this is about you and me. No one else, only us."

I nodded again. "I know."

"Good. I just wanted you to know. You seem so...worried." He said.

I laughed lightly. "I'm not worried, Alvin. It's just, well, whenever you bring those things up, I just can't help but remember everything that happened in the past. If you think about it, it's hard to believe that we spent almost 6 months hating and ignoring each other because we were dating different people."

Alvin inhaled deeply. "Okay, let's not talk about that. The last thing you and I need is to think back about Victoria and Anthony."

I laughed lightly, then nodded. "Okay, okay. You're right."

We soon arrived at the cafe. I had to admit, I was starving as well. With all the homework and projects I've had in the past few weeks, it was all I could focus on. It put a huge amount of stress on me, and with that, I haven't had a decent meal in what seems like a long time. Even though I had no classes today, I didn't even have time to eat breakfast because of this report I had to write up. And let's just say that I am _way _behind on everything.

Alvin ordered a sub sandwich with a glass of coke while I ordered a plate of lasagna with a glass of ice tea. Every now and then, I tried to be cute by feeding Alvin some of my pasta. Alvin, of course, found his own way of being 'romantic' and 'cute'. He reached over, letting me take a bite of his sandwich, but the moment my face was just a few millimeters away from the sandwich, he lightly shoved it in my face, making mayonnaise smear all over my nose.

He laughed. "Aw, Britt. That's a nice look for you."

I sneered as I wiped the mayonnaise off my face. But honestly, I didn't have the guts to get mad at him. Doing stupid things like this to each other is basically a routine between the two of us. I can't even count how many times I purposely flung food in Alvin's face in the past.

I lightly threw the crumpled up napkin at him and said, "Do that again, and I'll kill you."

He chuckled softly. "I love you."

"Suck up." I muttered under my breath.

"Think about it this way. Once we're done, we can go back to my dorm, hang out and have a bit of 'alone time', if you know what I mean." He teased.

I glared at him in disbelief. "Didn't you just hear what I said earlier? My sisters are amusing themselves by teasing us about our sex life. Do you _want _them to catch us again?" I snapped.

He rolled his eyes. "I was kidding, Britt."

But I sighed and smiled at him. "But that doesn't mean that I don't want to. Because I _do _wanna do it. We haven't had sex for a while now..."

Alvin laughed. "Wow. Listen to yourself, Brittany. No wonder Jeanette and Eleanor like to tease you about it."

I just rolled my eyes before going back to my plate of pasta. But minutes later, Alvin's cell phone suddenly went off. He dropped his sandwich on the plate, reached into his pocket, pulled out his cell phone and put it to his ear.

"Hello? Oh, hey Simon." He said before taking a pause. "I'm having lunch with Brittany. Why?" He took another pause. "Really? Who?" Another pause. "Um, okay then. We'll be there."

I gave him a confused look as he put his cell phone away. "Why did Simon call?" I asked.

"I dunno. He said that someone is waiting for us back at school." He answered.

"Who?" I asked.

Alvin shrugged. "No idea. Simon wouldn't tell me."

I paused for a moment, feeling confused. "And this person is waiting for both of us?"

"I guess so. That's what Simon told me." Alvin said.

"That's weird." I said.

"I told Simon we'd be there soon, so I think we should go." Said Alvin.

"Wait. Is Simon with this person right now?" I asked.

"No. Simon told me that he went back to our dorm to get something, but then this person, whoever it is, was standing right outside the door. And then he told Simon that he wanted to talk to the both of us. But then he told the guy to just wait in front of the school for us..." He trailed off for a moment. "I honestly don't know who it could be."

I nodded as I stood up off my seat. Alvin did the same before he went to the front desk to pay for the food. We walked back to the college, into the parking lot, and through the field until we got to the front doors of the school. But the weird thing was that no one was there.

"Are you sure there's someone looking for us?" I asked Alvin, looking up at him.

Alvin looked at me for a moment. "I think so. That's what Simon told...Oh, shit."

I noticed his gaze flicker past my shoulder, so I turned around to see what it was, and when I saw _who _it was, I froze and gasped out loud. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe who was standing there, just a couple of feet away from us. Of all people, why was it him?

Anthony.

No humane words could express the amount of hatred, anger and despisement that automatically flooded through my veins. Hell-like fires began to erupt inside of me, and my heart began to pound madly. My cheeks began to burn with flaming hostility. What the hell is he doing here? I thought we got rid of him. I thought he left our lives forever. I mean, I thought he left for good! It's been about 2 months since I last saw him, but one vague glimpse brought all the hatred back into my body. I don't know what I ever saw in him. I don't know why I even dated him when I knew I never had feelings for him. But all I wanted to know is why the hell is he here?

I knew he dropped out of college, so why is he back? When I slapped him across the face while screaming at him never to go near me again, I thought I wouldn't never have to see him for the rest of my life. Didn't I make myself clear when I threatened to call the police on him? He's just lucky that he isn't in jail after what he's done. Even though it's been nearly 2 months, I was still scarred by the damage he has caused, and the possibilities of what could have happened.

Alvin almost died because of him.

And after Anthony forced me into that kiss, I just can't be within a mile of him without feeling the need to slap him across the face again. I was mad, not only because of the forced kiss, but because he is half the reason to why I almost lost Alvin - the boy who means everything to me.

When Victoria left, she left for good. And when Anthony left, I thought he left for good too. I can't express the relief I had, knowing that they were out of our lives forever and that nothing can come between me and Alvin anymore. Victoria was Alvin's ex girlfriend, and Anthony was my ex boyfriend. But now, with Anthony standing right a few feet away from us, I can't help but wonder this: Did he return, just to try and win me back - again?

I gripped onto Alvin's arm, but said nothing. My heart was hammering with bitterness as my eyes pierced right at Anthony. Anthony, on the other hand, just stood there, still as stone, watching us with an emotionless face.

"What the hell is he doing here?" I whispered angrily.

Alvin sighed and looked at me. "Britt, stay here. Let me go and talk to him."

No. I wouldn't allow that. I knew I had to deal with this myself. Anthony was my problem, after all. And besides, after almost taking Alvin's life, I would never ever let Anthony near him. And despite what Alvin just said, I ignored him and began to storm right towards Anthony. Once he saw me, his eyes widened in horror, and quickly took a few steps away from me, looking absolutely terrified.

"You." I hissed menacingly. "You bastard. What are you doing here?"

"Brittany!" I heard Alvin exclaim behind me.

I ignored him again. I never took my eyes off of Anthony's mortified face. "Didn't I make myself clear when I said I never wanted you to come near me or Alvin ever again?"

Anthony remained frozen.

"Didn't I make myself clear when I said to leave us alone?" I exclaimed, my voice getting louder. "If you're here to try and talk me into getting back together with you, then you might as well leave because I will NEVER-"

"I'm not here to do that." Anthony said, cutting me off.

I gaped at him for a few seconds. "Then why are you here? We know that you ditched college, and they're not accepting you back. You don't go to this school anymore, so why are you back?"

Alvin came up from behind me while Anthony sighed deeply. He looked up to look at the both of us, then said, "I'm came back to apologize...to the both of you."

I scoffed. "Apologize? That's what you said the last time. But what did you do? You used that as an excuse to try and talk me out of my choice of being with Alvin. And if you're here to do that again, then-"

"Brittany." Alvin said abruptly, which made me shut my mouth.

I looked up at him in disbelief. "Alvin, what are you doing? I-"

"Just listen to what he has to say. He could be telling the truth." Alvin said gently to me.

"I am telling the truth, I swear." Anthony spoke up. He paused for a moment before looking down to the ground. "I...I felt bad about what I did at the hospital. I didn't mean to do that to you, Brittany. Honest!"

I knew he was talking about the kiss he forced me into, but he didn't say it outloud. And though Alvin has no idea what Anthony was referring to, he kept quiet and still, staying right by my side.

I just shook my head. "Do you know what you should feel bad about? PUTTING ALVIN IN THE FUCKING HOSPITAL!" I screamed.

Alvin touched my arm, wanting me to calm down. But Anthony looked up and looked at Alvin. "That's the other thing I wanted to talk about." He said, almost whispering. "Alvin, look. I'm sorry for everything. I didn't mean to knock you out so badly. I would never do that. I was just so angry at the time, that I didn't even know what the hell I was doing."

Alvin just nodded.

"You don't know how hard it's been, knowing that you were in a coma because of me." Anthony said. "But I'm glad you're okay. I'm glad you made it out without any serious injuries. But I hope you can understand how bad I feel about everything I've done."

Alvin nodded again. "I understand."

Then Anthony turned to me. "Brittany, all I can ask is for you to forgive me. I know you hate my guts, but I just want you to know how sorry I am. I knew from the start that you love Alvin. But I was the idiot who couldn't accept it. But now, after 2 months of therapy, I've learned to let it go."

I looked at him for a moment. He took therapy, just to let go of his feelings for me? I began to feel guilty. "It's okay..."

"I've made some mistakes in the past. And even though I can never fix them, I hope I can at least do something to make up for it. And that's why I came back. I wanted to talk to the both of you. Alvin, I never intended you to get hurt, and for you to get put in the hospital. And Brittany, well, I know we were never meant to be together, but in the few months of knowing you and becoming friends with you, I can say that Alvin is lucky to have you." Anthony said.

I sighed and nodded, but said nothing.

Anthony sighed deeply. "Brittany, I know you hate me. And I understand if you do, but you don't have to worry about anything anymore. Don't take this the wrong way, but I've learned to get over you. I've learned to let my feelings for you go, and just focus on my life right now."

I looked up and looked at his face for a long time before saying, "Well, I'm glad to hear that. And I appreciate you coming here and apologizing to us. But I have to say sorry as well. I've done things in the past I wish I could change, but I hope after today, everything will become better."

Anthony nodded. "So will you guys forgive me? I completely understand if you don't, but I just hope you guys will."

I sighed and looked up at Alvin. Alvin sighed deeply and nodded. "Yeah, of course."

Anthony smiled vaguley before looking at me. "Brittany, please?"

I looked away. Should I forgive him? Like I said, it's been 2 months since I last saw him. Then again, I could truly tell that he's changed, and that he is being down right sincere. Even though I've had a short relationship with him, Anthony really was a nice guy. He wasn't a villain at all. And the fact that he came back here, just to talk to me and Alvin really shows how truthful he is being.

I looked back up at him and nodded. "Yeah. I forgive you."

Anthony smiled again and nodded. "Thanks." He said softly before taking a pause. "Well, I'm glad I talked to you guys about it. But now, since I already did, I guess I should get going."

"Thanks, Anthony." Said Alvin. "Oh, and for all those times I called you a 'geek' or a 'nerd', it was just a joke. I have this habit of calling people names, but I never really mean them. So no hard feelings?"

"Of course. And don't worry, I understand." He said, then paused again. "And I know you two love each other. I mean, what the hell was I thinking, trying to come between you guys?" Anthony exclaimed.

Alvin and I both laughed. Anthony reached towards Alvin, and they shook hands. Then he turned to me, and held his hand out. I looked at his hand for a few seconds and sighed. Even though I never had any true feelings of love for Anthony, he was still my friend. In a way, he's changed a part of me, and he's a big part of my first year here in college. And deep inside, I know that after today, and after what he's done today, I can never really hate him anymore. I just had to forgive him.

So with that, I stepped towards Anthony and gave him a hug. All the hatred I felt for him melted away. I pulled away a few seconds later and sighed. "Thanks for being such a good friend to me this year Anthony."

He smiled softly. "Your welcome. Same goes to you."

I smiled. "I know you'll do good in the future. I mean, you're one of the smartest people I know."

"Thanks, Brittany." He said.

I sighed and looked at him straight in the face. "And I know you'll find someone soon. I know there's a girl out there for you."

He smiled again. "Thanks."

I stepped away from him to walk back to Alvin. I took a deep breath as I looked at Anthony and said, "So, I guess this is goodbye?"

"I guess so." He said, smiling. "Again, thanks for listening to me guys."

"Thanks for coming back." Alvin said.

Anthony smiled once more before giving us a final wave, and walking away. And that was it. That was the very last time we ever saw him.

I turned around to look at Alvin. I took a deep breath. "Alvin?"

He looked down at me. "Yeah?"

"You okay?"

He smiled as he pulled me closer to him. He kissed the top of my head and said, "I'm proud of you for doing that."

I sighed as I buried my face in his chest. "Are all of our problems gone?" I whispered.

He nodded. "Yes, all of our problems are gone. Victoria is gone, we mended everything with Anthony, and we're here together. And nothing will ever change that. You don't need to worry about anything anymore."

"Promise?" I asked.

"I promise. I will never leave you, for as long as I live. I love you so much, Brittany, that I can't even explain it. I love you because you are, and always have been, what I've looked for. I love you, not only for who you are, but for who I am when I'm with you." He whispered.

I looked up at him while small tears rose up in my eyes. "Somewhere between all our laughs, long talks, stupid little fights and all our jokes, I fell in love with you." I whispered.

He gave me a soft kiss on my forehead. "Brittany, meeting you was fate, becoming your best friend was a choice, but falling in love with you...I had no control over. I will always be here for you. I'll do anything and everything for you."

I closed my eyes before burying my face back into his chest. I couldn't take it anymore. I love him so much, it hurts me in a way that makes me want to hold onto him for the rest of my life. I love him so much, that I was beginning to fear something...something I have never thought before. And that's when it hit me. I now understood the words Miss Miller told me 10 years ago.

_'Don't be afraid to fall in love.'_

I now understand. I have now found the answer - the answer to everything.

I was afraid to fall in love with him because I knew that I will always love him so much, that I feared that I would lose him - the same reason to why Alvin was afraid of falling in love with me...

"Alvin..." I whispered, before looking up at him again.

"Yeah?" He asked softly.

I took a deep breath, then said, "I love you, always. But when I met you 15 years ago, I was afraid to be your friend. But through the years of being friends, I was afraid to be with you. But now that I'm with you, I was afraid to love you. But now that I love you...I'm just so afraid to lose you."

He shook his head and looked into my eyes. "You will never lose me. Never, Brittany." He whispered.

"I was afraid of falling in love with you..." I whispered.

"You don't have to be afraid of anything. Not while I'm here to protect you." He whispered.

"We'll always be together, right?" I whispered through tears.

He nodded. "Always."

"Do you promise me?" I asked shakily.

"Yes." He whispered.

"And nothing will ever separate us from each other?" I asked.

He nodded again. "I swear. I'll never leave your side, Britt. You don't have to worry about a thing. You don't have to be scared of losing me, because I will never walk away from you."

I nodded gently.

"On one condition though..." He said.

I looked up at him. "What?"

He wiped my tears away with his fingers and whispered, "You must promise me that _I_ will never lose _you_ either."

I smiled weakly and sighed. "And you won't. I can promise you that."

He wrapped his arms around my waist. "So, we were both afraid of falling in love with each other..."

"But now we know that we don't need to be afraid. Not anymore." I whispered.

He looked into my eyes and sighed. "I love you so much."

I smiled before leaning in to rest my head on his chest. "I love you too. I always have, and always will."

* * *

**Well, there it is! The last chapter before the epilogues! The part with Anthony was...unexpected :/**

**OH GOD! CHIPWRECKED IS COMING OUT IN LESS THAN A WEEK! I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR OVER A YEAR, LITERALLY! *SPAZZ ATTACK***

**Oh, and Awesomo3000, aka the 1000th reviewer, wanted me to post the little letter he/she wrote to me:**

**You already did something right. You made this story. If you hadn't made this, you wouldn't have become a Fanfiction success. And here you are now, surrounded by reviews from thousands of people who love and support your amazing stories. To me, you are a winner! Never give up, find a way, cos that is what winners do. And you, my friend, are definitely a winner.**

**Aww, thanks so much!**

**Thanks for reading everyone, and PLEASE review! Can't believe I have over 1000 reviews! I love you all!**


	50. Epilogue part I: A start of a beginning

5 1/2 years later...

I coudn't believe it's been almost 6 years.

It's been almost 6 years since the day I first stepped foot through those college doors. It's been almost 6 years since the very first day my life changed forever. It's been almost 6 years since I learned the true meaning of my life. And it's been almost 6 years since I accidentally - yet purposely - fell in love with the boy I least expected to fall in love with...

It's been almost 6 years, yet the love between me and Alvin is as strong as it was the moment we held each other for the first time in the pouring rain, and realizing that we were excruciatingly in love with each other.

The remaining 4 years of college for Alvin, Simon, Theodore, Jeanette, Eleanor and myself were absolutely perfect. We all graduated with a degree that was sure to take us far in life, and in the future. I have to admit, I did shed a couple of tears the moment I knew we were done with college, but again, it was the start of a new step in my life. But just knowing that we already graduated college was just too surreal.

But it's been a year since we graduated from college. We are all 25 years old now. I couldn't believe how fast everything went. But it was over. It's hard to believe that preschool, elementary, high school and college were finished for all of us. But the day after we graduated, we all packed up our stuff, said a final goodbye to our dorm rooms, stepped out of the college building one last time, and returned back home to our hometown neighborhood where we began to fulfill our dreams.

The year after we graduated was perfect. Alvin continued to play football, of course. He also got accepted into the Los Angeles Football Program, which was starting this summer. Simon continued with his science studies, while Theodore got a job as an assistant chef at a gourmet restaurant downtown. Jeanette got a job at the Science Dome, and Eleanor is now a pastry chef. And me? Well, I take a fashion designing class, and I work part time at a fashion clothing shop.

And during the summer after we graduated, Simon and Theodore finally got the guts to ask my sisters out. And of course Jeanette and Eleanor said yes. It was so cute seeing my sisters with them. I mean, it's about time! Simon and Jeanette have a more sweet and friendly relationship, while Theodore and Eleanor have a more playful and bestfriend-type one. Mine and Alvin's relationship is more romantic and intimate, of course.

It's now January of 2012. With everyone so busy with their jobs, we hardly hung out as much as we did before when we were still in college. But the 6 of us still managed to find time to hang out with each other on weekends. Despite how limited our social schedules were nowadays, we were all still best friends with each other, like how we were the moment we met each other 20 years ago.

Today was a cool Winter morning. But I spent most of my morning sitting in Alvin's car. Why? Well, honestly, I don't know. But yesterday, he told me he was taking me somewhere. I knew there was no point in asking him where he was taking me because I knew he would never tell, so I had no choice than to just listen to him. I looked over at the clock on the car's radio, and saw that it was almost noon. I was starting to get impatient.

"Alvin, just tell me. Where are we going?" I asked.

"Just be patient." He said, keeping his eyes on the road.

"But I have been patient - for 4 damn hours already!" I groaned.

He sighed. "Can you just wait 5 more minutes? I swear, we're almost there." Alvin said.

"God, I hate it when you do this to me. I mean, you're taking me somewhere, and not telling me where! It pisses me off." I muttered, slouching in my seat.

Alvin sighed deeply, but said nothing more. I rolled my eyes and I turned back to look out the window. I barely got any sleep last night, and I was starting to feel incredibly tired. And without knowing, my eyes slowly drifted close. But what seemed like two seconds later, I felt someone touch my arm, and shake me. I groaned as I groggily opened up my eyes.

"What?" I grumbled.

"We're here." Alvin said.

"Where?" I asked crankily.

"Look." He said.

I sighed and sat up straight to look out the car window. And once I saw all the familiar buildings, I soon realized where we were. I gasped. We were back at the place where it all began, the place where everything started, the place where feelings were realized, where hearts were broken, tears were shed, and love was connected, the place we haven't been in over a year - we were back at college.

"Alvin, why are we here?" I asked, turning to him.

He shrugged. "I figured that since it's been a year and a half since we were last here, that we should come back and visit the school. I think it's nice to visit. I mean, memories upon memories were made here."

I smiled when he said that. "I still can't believe that it's been more than a year since we graduated. It seems so unreal."

He sighed. "I know what you mean. Sometimes, I wish that we can just live through all our college years again, and make them right. Like, redo all the mistakes we made in the past."

I nodded, but looked down and stared at my lap. "Me too. But...But it wouldn't really make a difference, because at the end, we ended up together. We've been dating for almost 6 years now. And despite what almost happened to us in our first year of college, it brought us together at the end."

Alvin looked at me and smiled. He sighed then said, "Yeah, I know. But still..."

I looked into his eyes. "Mistakes or not, they happened in the past. They won't happen anymore."

He nodded. It was silent between us for a moment before Alvin spoke up again. "Here, let's go outside."

We both got out of the car. Alvin wrapped an arm around my waist as we walked towards the college doors. I sighed as I stared at the big white doors of the building, and the big stone sign that had the words _'The sky isn't the limit. Reach beyond your dreams' _engraved in it. I can remember the day I first came here. And now, 6 years later, I'm back again, now with the boy who means the world to me.

For the past 5 years, this school was like my second home. It was hard to even accept that now, we were never stepping foot inside the building again. This was the place where my life truly changed forever, where I learned the meaning on my life, Alvin's life - our life...

I don't know how long Alvin and I have been standing here, looking at the school. 5 minutes maybe? But within that time, hundreds of memories flew back into my eyes, my mind, and my heart. Even though it's hard to think back about some things, I knew that all the heartbreaks I went through, all the tears I shed, all the mistakes I made, and all the other hardships I've endured, it was somehow worth it because I've learned and realized things about myself that I have never knew before.

"Do you remember our first day here?" Alvin asked quietly.

I looked up at him, then looked back down. I smiled to myself and sighed. "Yeah, of course I do."

"Remember how Simon, Theo and I surprised you and your sisters?" He asked.

I laughed lightly. After we graduated high school, the boys said they were going to a different university. But the day my sisters and I settled into our dorm room for the first time, the boys came over and surprised us, saying how all of that 'Going to a university' stuff was just a joke, and that they were attending this college with us as well.

"How could I forget?" I laughed.

Alvin laughed to himself. "I will never forget your reaction when I told you we were lying about going to another school."

I playfully rolled my eyes before looking up at him. "You were such an ass."

He smiled mischievously. "But...?

I sighed and rested my head on his shoulder. "But I'm glad it happened. I don't know what I'd do without you."

He kissed the top of my head, as I closed my eyes. Our first year at college was one to remember, despite how many things were meant to be forgotten. In that one year, I fell for my best friend, got my heart shattered when I saw my best friend fall for someone else, broke hearts, spilled tears, said lies, admitted truths, said goodbye to my mother, made impossible choices, made mistakes, realized that the impossible is possible...the list is endless.

I sighed deeply as I opened up my eyes. "It's hard to believe what you and I have been through to get here. It's hard to believe what we put each other through, just to be with each other."

Alvin lightly shrugged. "I don't think it's hard to believe that those things happened. But do you know what I think is hard to believe?"

"What?" I asked.

Alvin let go my my waist, and turned to me. He delicately held my cheeks between his palms and whispered, "It's hard to believe that I'm with someone as beautiful and amazing as you. I don't know what I did to deserve someone as perfect as you, Britt. But whatever I did, I will never do anything to let you go."

If it were possible, I would have melted into a pool of infatuation. Just hearing Alvin say those words to me in such a smooth, gentle and sincere voice made me feel like I was worth a trillion bucks. And like I mentioned before, no amount of words can ever express how much he means to me. Not only because he treats me like I'm the most important thing to him, but because of how he's changed me as a girl. I would do anything for him. He means the world to me. He's my life.

I nuzzled my face into his chest and said, "And what did I do to deserve someone like you? Someone who loves me, someone who cares about me. I feel like the luckiest girl alive when I'm with you, Alvin."

He kissed the top of my head again before pulling away to look at me in the eyes for a long moment. The cool Winter breeze flew past our faces, but that didn't compare to the warm gazes Alvin and I were giving each other. Even though I've known Alvin for 20 years now, I still get those soft tumbling feelings in my stomach whenever I look at him. His eyes were so full of protectiveness over me, that it just looked magical. His eyes were like a pool of liquid gold, that they seemed to be able to pierce into my soul.

"Brittany..." He whispered. "As much as I love you, I can't help but think that I wasn't enough for you. You deserve everything, but I can't stop myself from thinking that I didn't fulfill what you wanted in a relationship."

I froze and gaped at him for about 10 seconds. I blinked once more saying, "Alvin, you gave me more than I ever wanted. All I ever needed was you, and you gave me more than that. You will always be enough for me, and you went beyond what I wanted in a relationship. I never want anyone else but you."

He smiled softly.

"So don't ever think that you weren't enough for me, because you are. You always will be." I said.

He sighed. "I know. But I still can't help but think of what I've done to you 5 years ago, when we first began to notice our feelings for each other."

I looked at him and sighed. "What do you mean?"

He sighed deeply. "I admit I was never the perfect one for you, I was never always there when you needed me, I wasn't there to help you when you needed it. But there is one thing I do admit that I did...I was the best person I could be for you."

I closed my eyes and stepped towards him, filling the gap between us. I wrapped my arms around him and said, "You were always the perfect one for me because somehow, fate brought us together. You were always there for me, because we spent 20 years as best friends. You were always there to help me because I knew I would be nothing without you. And you have always been the best person you could be for me, yourself, our siblings, Dave, Miss Miller, our friends...everyone."

He laughed gently. "You're saying that as if I'm the best person in the world."

I looked up at him and smiled. "To me, you are the best person in the world."

He gave me a light kiss on the lips before I unwrapped my arms from his body. He held me close and sighed. We both returned our gaze to the college building and remained quiet for at least another 30 seconds. "You know, college was just a small portion of our lives. But even though, I still can't believe we accomplished it."

I smiled. "Yeah, I know." I whispered.

He turned and faced me. He sighed, looked down for a bit, then looked up to meet my gaze again. "Miss Miller would have been so proud of you."

I felt myself freeze. It's been 5 years since Miss Miller's unexpected death. And though I've slowly learned to let it go, and accept the fact that my mother is dead, it still hurts to know that she's gone forever. But throughout the years, I've learned to be strong, and how to let things you love, go.

I looked into Alvin's eyes and said, "She would have been proud of all of us."

Alvin smiled gently again. He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again. His face turned serious, while his eyes turned to the cemented ground. He sighed deeply, but said nothing. I waited a few seconds, expecting him to say something, but he didn't. He continued to gaze at the floor with a face that was hard to understand.

"Alvin? What's wrong?" I asked.

He finally looked up at me, and sighed. He smiled softly and said, "Nothing's wrong, Britt. It's just, well..." He took a deep breath and said, "From the moment we met in 1991, I knew there would be a connection between us that would make us best friends. And I was right. But we also became worst enemies at the same time."

I laughed lightly.

He sighed and looked into my eyes. "It's hard to believe that we've known each other for 20 years now. It's amazing how far we've gone."

"It seems like yesterday when we first went to preschool, and how you bullied me for wearing too much pink." I said, smiling.

Alvin chuckled. "You still remember that, huh."

I laughed and nodded. "Yeah. Gosh, how I hated you." I teased.

He laughed lightly, then cleared his throat. He sighed and gulped nervously. He looked away from me for at least 10 seconds before gazing back into my eyes. "Well, Britt, what I'm trying to say is, I...I-I think that 20 years isn't enough."

At first, I had no clue to what he was saying. "What do you mean?"

Alvin said nothing for the longest time. I looked at him, confused. He looked like an absolute nervous wreck! But after a moment, he took a deep breath, and whispered, "I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

And that's when I understood _everything_. And before I knew it, my heart suddenly escaladed into a chorus of beats, and tears began to stream down my face. I thought I was losing my mind with all the tears I was suddenly spilling, and with all the emotions that were exploding inside of me. I almost collapsed with joy when I saw Alvin reach into his pocket, before getting down on one knee in front of me.

"Brittany Miller, I love you so much. I never want to be with anyone else but you. The moment we met each other when we were 5 was the very start of this. And here we are, 20 years later..." He whispered.

"A-Alvin..." I squeaked, while I cupped one trembling hand over my mouth.

He opened up the little velvet box in his hands, which revealed the most gorgeous diamond ring I have ever seen, and finally said those 4 breathtaking words. "Will you marry me?"

I knew I didn't have to think it over. I automatically nodded, while tears streamed out of my eyes. I pulled my hand away from my mouth. "Yes! Yes, of course I will!" I whispered behind tears.

Alvin beamed as he got up, took my left hand, and slipped the ring onto my finger. After he did, he stepped back as I examined the glimmering stone on my finger. I squealed in happiness as my heart fluttered and overflooded with love. The tears came endlessly. Alvin chuckled lightly as I admired the ring, but nothing can ever compare to the feelings I feel for the boy who gave me this ring. I was speechless, but I was trembling with love and excitement. I just couldn't believe it...

I looked up at Alvin with eyes that told him I loved him. He watched me with a huge smile on his face. I walked over to him, and instantly reached up to kiss him. He wrapped his arms around me as he kissed me back. I have kissed him when he was my best friend, my boyfriend and now...my fiance. He pulled away and sighed deeply, studying me with his soft gaze.

"You've made me the happiest guy alive right now." He whispered. "But..."

I smiled. "What?"

He sighed and smiled. "Nothing. It's just...I can't believe you're my...finacee. I mean, all our lives we've grown up as best friends. And now, we're engaged to each other."

I melted when he said the words 'Fiancee' and 'Engaged'. I smiled as I pulled myself closer to his body, where I wrapped my arms around his torso. "You better get use to it." I teased softly.

"Don't worry, I will..." He leaned down towards my ear and whispered, "...Mrs. Seville."

Tears rose up, and fell again once he said that. It felt so surreal. I mean, I know that Alvin loves me, but I would have never thought that he would propose to me so soon. I truly felt like the luckiest girl in the universe. Just moments ago, I got proposed to, and now, I'm engaged. And soon enough, I would become Mrs. Seville to the boy I've known since I was 5.

I laughed gently as I pulled his lips back to mine. But as we kissed, I was thinking about something else. I knew I had one more thing to do. I had to tell him something. I knew this was the perfect chance to tell him, and I knew I had to tell him now. I've known about this thing for a while, but I never had the chance to tell him. But I had to tell him today, right here, right now.

I pulled away from him and unwrapped my arms from his body and looked at him. I took a deep breath as my heart started to speed up again and said, "Well, since we're here right now, I think this is the perfect time to tell you."

"Tell me what?" He asked.

But instead of words, I laughed softly and took both of his hands in mine. I took another deep breath, and placed them on my stomach.

Alvin froze.

"Alvin?" I asked.

He blinked once and looked at me, looking absolutely lost for words. "W-Wait. Are you telling me that you're..."

I smiled. "Yup."

He continued to look at me. "A-Are you serious?"

I nodded and sighed. "2 months along..." I said softly.

"2 months..." Alvin repeated slowly.

"I didn't tell you earlier because, well, I was nervous." I laughed awkwardly.

"Wow..." He whispered, still frozen.

I smiled and looked into his eyes. "Alvin Seville is gonna be a daddy." I said gently and sweetly.

And right after I said that, he gleamed with joy, picked me up, and twirled me off of my feet. I laughed and squealed before he set me back on my feet to give me a long kiss.

"I can't believe we're going to be parents." He whispered.

I smiled and nodded. "I know. I couldn't believe it either."

Then he gave me that famous little smirk of his and said, "Well, I guess that means we're going to have to plan our wedding earlier if we wanna get married before our baby arrives."

I sighed in affection when he said 'Our baby'. I smiled and said, "Whatever works for you. I just wanna be with you forever, Alvin."

He lightly rubbed my stomach before cradling one of my cheeks in his hand. "And you will be. We'll always be together."

I smiled before reaching up to kiss him once more. "I will always love you."

He smiled and whispered, "And I will always love you. I loved you yesterday, today, tomorrow, and for the rest of our lives."

And I knew he was right. This was the start of the rest of our lives. But this wasn't the end. There will never be an end between us. This is just the start of mine and Alvin's new beginning.

* * *

**How was that for a chapter? I truly had such a hard time writing it because I really don't want this story to end...But I thought that the last half of this chapter was beautiful :)**

**My friend Polkadotmunk wrote this to me, and wanted me to share it:**

**I LOVE your work, every bit of it! Alvin and Brittany are destined to be together, and you just made it even MORE wonderful! I remember the first time reading this story...about...3 months ago? :P I started on chapter one, and stopped on like chapter 25+ in a whole night! I was ADDICTED to it! I remember the suspense when Alvin found out bout Daniel, and how my heart was racing. So, there's only one more thing I need to get out...I love your work, and it is AH-MAZING!**

******Thanks so much! I'm happy that you love this story!**

**OMG CHIPWRECKED WAS SO GOOOOOOOOOOD OMG OMG OMG! *Deep breath* I already watched it twice, and I'm planning to watch it again and again :)**

**Thanks SO much for reading, and PLEEEASE review! 2 chapters left!**


	51. Epilogue part II: Perfect forever after

One word to sum up mine and Alvin's life?

Perfect.

When Alvin and I announced our engagement to Dave, Simon, Theodore, Jeanette and Eleanor, they were more than ecstatic. And when I told them that I was 2 months pregnant, they all went into a deep and utter shock, that was mixed in with over-the-top excitement. My sisters squealed with glee, while Simon, Theodore and Dave eagerly congratulated the both of us. Alvin and I agreed that we both wanted to get married before our baby arrives, so we spent the remaining week planning our wedding, along with our family's help.

Day by day, my stomach was growing. I beamed whenever I saw how happy Alvin looked whenever he looked at me. It made me feel so loved on the inside, more loved than I have ever felt before.

We got married 5 months later, during the summer or 2012. Even though it was the most important day of my life, I was a nervous wreck. I remember pacing back and forth, worrying over things I shouldn't be worrying about. But then Eleanor and Jeanette told me to relax, because no matter what happens, I would be married to Alvin at the end of the day. I was 7 months pregnant during our wedding, and I felt so proud when I walked down the isle in my white dress, with my baby bump clearly showing. And once I saw Alvin standing at the end of the isle, I fell in love with him all over again.

But of course, my wedding wouldn't be complete without Miss Miller. And even though my mother is dead, I still kept a part of her with me. I wore her bracelet on my wrist as a tribute to the lady who gave me a perfect life to have, to expand, and to live. Of course I miss my mom, but I know she was watching me as I walked down the wedding isle, smiling while feeling proud at the girls my sisters and I have become.

And the moment Alvin and I were announced husband and wife, gosh, no word can ever express the emotions I had, the tears I shed, and the love I felt.

We immediately left for our honeymoon right after that. Alvin surprised me by taking us to Paris, the most romantic place in the world. And it was beyond romantic. Our honeymoon was one of the best 3 weeks of my life. It was just me, my husband, and our unborn baby, in the most magical city ever. I remember when we were on the Eiffel Tower, where he wrapped his arms around me from behind, resting his hands on top of my stomach, and whispered 'I love you' in my ears.

_"It's so beautiful." I whispered, looking out into the soft horizon of the glowing city below us. "Absolutely amazing."_

_"Yeah. It's pretty cool, isn't it." Alvin said gently._

_I turned to him and smiled. "And to make it even more perfect, I get to be here with my husband."_

_He smiled before wrapping both of his hands around me. He gently rubbed the top of my stomach and said, "And our baby."_

_I smiled and closed my eyes, feeling the cool air fly past my face. I put my hands on top of his and whispered, "Yes. Our baby."_

_I felt Alvin lean towards my ear, and he whispered, "I love you, Britt. More than you can ever imagine."_

_"I love you too, Alvin. So much." I said back._

We arrived back home in Hollywood after that, where Dave and our siblings surprised us by buying us a house so that me and Alvin can move in together, and really get ready to raise a family. It took a total of 4 days to move in, but we finally settled in after that. The house was perfect. It couldn't have been any better for me and Alvin.

But 1 month after that, during one peaceful night of sleep, I suddenly woke up with a piercing twist in my stomach. And that's when I realized that I was going into labour.

It was the most hell-like feeling ever. It was the most painful thing I have ever gone through, that I thought I was losing my mind. I have never felt that much pain before. I never knew that kind of pain even exsisted! It felt like the insides of my body were being ripped open from the inside, and in that moment, while tears of pain were in my eyes, I was starting to blame everything on Alvin. With all the pain I was feeling, all I could do was blame him and hate him for putting me in the state I was in.

But after 13 long hours, our baby - our daughter - finally came out. I remember that cold, soothing feeling of relief when she came out. She was the most beautiful thing I have ever laid my eyes on. And it felt so magical to know that she belonged to me and Alvin. I began to cry when I first held her in my arms. Alvin got teary eyed too when he held her, so did our siblings and Dave as well. She was perfect. I love her with all my heart, and I know that both me and Alvin will do anything to protect her.

But I guess Alvin and I had way too much time on our hands because in the next 3 years, we had 3 more kids, one after another. And the pain of each birth seemed to get more and more painful each time. But it was worth it. Our kids were perfect.

I never knew how being a mother could affect my life. I mean, Miss Miller has done the most perfect job with me and my sisters before she died. And now, my goal is to be the same with my kids. I love being a mom and a wife. The love I have for my kids is endless. They mean everything to me and Alvin. And the love I feel for my husband just seems to grow more and more as each day goes by. Words will never be enough to explain how perfect Alvin is as a dad and a husband.

But our 4 children couldn't be any different. Their personalities were so different from each other's, yet, similar at the same time. Being parents have taught me and Alvin everything. And like I said, Alvin and I would do anything and everything for our kids. We love them more than words can explain.

Our first daughter, Melody Rose Seville has my hair, and Alvin's eyes. She sort of followed in my footsteps because she is a complete perfectionist. She takes ballet classes, and has been a very elegant girl ever since. But despite her elegance, she still has temper and attention issues, much like me and Alvin when we were younger. Melody loves being the center of attention, but she would often throw a fit when she doesn't get her way. She's a complete girly girl, much like me, and a bit mischievous and reckless, like Alvin. She inherited mine and Alvin's competitiveness, because during her ballet recitals, she never lets anything stand in her way. But she still has a huge heart, and is still very sweet and loving. She is extremely protective over her younger siblings. Sometimes, Melody is over confident, and she isn't afraid to speak her mind. But other than that, she's the most sweetest little girl ever.

Our second child, Savannah Evelyn Seville, couldn't be more different from her older sister. She has Alvin's hair color, and my blue eyes. She is the more intelligent one of the bunch - a LOT smarter than me and Alvin when we were her age. I mean, you would have thought that she belonged to Simon and Jeanette because of her smartness! I'm pretty sure Savannah inherited Simon and Jeanette's brains because of how much they've helped her on her homework in the past. But now, she gets perfect marks on her report cards without anyone's help. Alvin often jokes that Savannah may be smarter than Simon and Jeanette. She spends much of her free time reading, but I often complain that she reads too much. I have to admit though, that Simon and Jeanette take credit for Savannah's knowledge. She is well behaved, and well mannered - NOTHING like how Alvin and I were when we were her age.

Our third child, Riley Alexander Seville, was our first son. He has both my blue eyes and my hair color. Just to sum Riley up in a few words: He's basically like the clone of Alvin when Alvin was younger - a true toublemaker. He's Alvin's little boy - the true definition of a father/son relationship. Alvin and Riley are always in the backyard, playing sports. He's the most sportiest, athletic, and most active one out of his group of friends. He takes soccer lessons, hockey lessons and basketball lessons. But like his father, Riley is a bit of a show-off, and often gets into trouble at school. I always blame Alvin for that. Alvin tries to teach him how to 'Act cool' and how to 'Get the ladies', but I always fume up with anger at that. He inherited Alvin's ego, but Riley is still an extremely sweet boy.

Our fourth and last child, Kayla Michelle Seville, has Alvin's gold eyes and his bronze hair color. To be honest, Kayla couldn't be more different from all 3 of her older siblings. She's the most artistic, yet quiet one of my four kids. She basically lives in her own world, and keeps things very quiet and private to herself. She has a natural talent for arts, but again, she is the complete opposite from me and Alvin when we were her age. But since Kayla is so shy and introverted, she doesn't know how to defend herself or speak up for herself. But despite how Melody, Savannah and Riley go through the trouble by protecting their baby sister, Alvin and I still can't help but worry about her. But over the years, she's learned to open up more. She's extremely close to everyone in the family, especially her Uncle Theodore and her Aunt Eleanor, maybe because they were all the youngest of the family.

Our kids were special in their own ways. Alvin and I have gone through so much stress with all of them. But in the end, the both of us will always love them to the very end. But like I said, Melody is a perfectionist, Savannah is a bookworm, Riley is a troublemaker, and Kayla is introverted. But even though our kids have different personalities, Alvin and I still love them the same.

I have memories upon memories with my kids. It makes me smile just to remember them, even simple ones such as one time during dinner.

_"Mom, you get mad at me when I have my Ipod out during dinner, so why does Savannah get to read at the dinner table?" Asked Melody._

_I sighed as I turned to my second daughter. "Savannah, for the trillionth time, put the book down please?" I asked._

_"One more page?" Asked Savannah._

_I looked over at Alvin and sighed._

_"Anna, listen to your mom." Said Alvin, before stuffing a forkful of spaghetti in his mouth._

_I rolled my eyes at him, giving him a look to tell him that he was useless. I turned back to my daughter and said, "Anna, I'm gonna take that book away if you don't put it away."_

_Savannah sighed before putting the book down. "Sorry, mommy."_

_I sighed again, then said, "I know you love to read, Savannah, but there are times where you have to stop."_

_But before Savannah could say something, Riley snickered and said, "Savannah's a nerd."_

_I shot my son a bad look. "Riley..." _

_"What? Daddy calls Aunt Jeanette and Uncle Simon a nerd!" Riley exclaims, pointing at Alvin._

_I glared over at Alvin. "Would you please quit setting a bad example for our kids?"_

_Alvin sighed. "Riley, don't call your sister a nerd."_

_Riley frowned. "But you call Uncle Simon and Aunt Jeanette-"_

_"Because I can. But that doesn't mean that you can." Said Alvin._

_"Fine." Riley said, then beamed, as if a lightbulb went off inside his head. "Then am I allowed to call Aunt Jeanette and Uncle Simon a nerd?"_

_Alvin smirked lightly. "Well..."_

_I rolled my eyes to myself. "No." I fired._

And other time, when Alvin and I were saying goodbye to our kids before they all left for school. It was the first day of school after Summer vacation. The first school bus was arriving to drive them to their elementary school, but even the simplest things to get ready for can be a pain.

_"Mommy, the school bus is here!" Exclaimed Melody, running over to me. "Does my hair look okay?"_

_I looked down at my 8 year old daughter and smiled. Gosh, she reminded me so much of myself when I was younger. "Yes, Mel. It looks fine."_

_"Are you sure? I don't want to set a bad first impression on everyone." Melody said._

_I leaned down to kiss her cheek. "I promise, it looks beautiful."_

_Melody beamed. "Okay." She said before swinging her pink backpack over her back, and linking arms with Savannah._

_"Bye mommy, bye daddy!" Called Savannah as she and Melody walked off towards the school bus._

_I waved before looking to the ground, where Alvin was helping Kayla tie her shoes. I sighed and smiled before crouching down beside my 5 year old daughter. She looked so nervous. Unlike her siblings, it was her first day of school. I tucked a piece of her soft brown hair behind her ear and said, "Don't be nervous, Kayla."_

_She looked up at me with her big gold eyes. "Is school scary, mommy?"_

_I smiled and shook my head. "No, of course not. You'll have fun."_

_Alvin chuckled to himself. "Fun? At school? Fat chance." He said to himself._

_I glared at him and rolled my eyes. I was just grateful that Kayla didn't hear. I sighed and said, "You're gonna have a great time. You'll meet new friends, and do lots of new things. And before you know it, you're gonna love school."_

_"What if I don't make any friends?" Kayla asked quietly._

_"What are you talking about? Trust me, Kayla. Everyone will want to be your friend. And besides, your brother and your sisters will be there. They promised us that they'll look after you." Said Alvin._

_Kayla just nodded._

_I leaned in and kissed her cheek, before we all stood up off the ground. After Alvin helped her put on her backpack, I said, "We love you."_

_Kayla smiled. "I love you too, mommy. You too, daddy."_

_Alvin smiled. "Love you too. But don't worry about a thing, alright?"_

_Kayla nodded again before giving us a final wave, and running off towards the school bus. After watching her get into the bus, I looked down to see our son standing there. "Riley, what's wrong?"_

_"Do I have to go to school?" He groaned._

_I leaned down and kissed the top of his head. "Yes. Now, stay out of trouble. Promise?"_

_Riley looked up and gave me a somewhat evil smirk._

_I frowned. "Well?"_

_"You told me not to promise anything if you can't keep it, mommy." He said._

_I groaned. "Please don't act like your father."_

_"But it's true!" Exclaimed Riley._

_"Riley Alexander Seville..." I warned._

_Riley just laughed before swinging his backpack over his shoulder. "Bye mom! Bye dad!" He said before running out the door, and into the bus after his sisters._

_Alvin laughed to himself. "That's my boy."_

_I turned towards him and shot him a bad look. "Shut up."_

But no matter what I've gone through as a mom, it is - and always will be - the best experience ever. Just being with my kids and my husband, I would never trade anything for it. Our kids mean absolutely everything to both me and Alvin. No words can ever express how much we love them. In our eyes, Melody, Savannah, Riley and Kayla were perfect. Alvin and I couldn't have asked for anything better.

But Alvin and I weren't the only ones who got married, and who had kids. 1 year after Alvin and I got married, Simon and Jeanette got engaged. And 2 years after that, Jeanette was pregnant with her first kid. She gave birth to my first nephew - her first son, Oliver Kyle Seville. Gosh, Oliver was so precious. He had Simon's blue eyes, and Jeanette's dark brown hair. Seeing my nephew in my sister's arms was one of the most beautiful things I have seen. Of course, it reminded me of when I held my kids for the first time. But I was just so proud of both Jeanette and Simon.

8 months after Simon and Jeanette got engaged, Theodore and Eleanor got engaged as well. And 3 years later, just a few months after Kayla was born, Eleanor announced that she was pregnant with twins. Jeanette and I were so excited for our little sister. Eleanor adored kids, especially her nieces and nephews. And just knowing that she and Theodore are finally getting kids of their own, was just an incredible feeling.

Eleanor first gave birth to the baby boy, and she and Theodore let me and Jeanette name him. Jeanette and I had the honor of naming him Ivan. His full name is Ivan James Seville. He had Eleanor's blonde hair, and his parent's green eyes. 3 minutes later, Eleanor gave birth to the baby girl. Alvin and Simon named her Natalie. Her full name is Natalie Patricia Seville. She had Theodore's light brown hair, and like her brother, her parent's green eyes.

I absolutely love my kids, along with my nieces and nephews, with all my soul. The 7 kids all grew up to be the closest group of cousins ever, as well as being best friends, much like how Alvin, Simon, Theodore, Jeanette, Eleanor and I were - and still are.

Watching the kids grow over the years has been the most amazing thing ever. Just seeing how much all of our kids have grown gave all of us the satisfaction of doing something right. We watched all 7 kids grow up, go to school, graduate, and lead the perfect lives, much like their parents.

And as for Alvin, Simon, Theodore, Jeanette, Eleanor and I? We still have the perfect lives. I mean, here we are as a family. Could there possibly be a more perfect thing than that?

But just like what Miss Miller told me, when I was 9 years old, she wasn't going to be around to protect me and my sisters forever. Just like with me and Alvin. As much as we want to be in every part of our children's lives, they are going to grow up into adults, and have their own lives. Alvin and I won't be there to protect them forever. So before our kids reached the age where they have control of their own lives, I personally talked to each of my kids and told them the words that changed my life forever.

'Don't be afraid to fall in love.'

I remember how I use to be the little girl who refused to listen to those words. But I was wrong. Those words have been stuck in me, the moment I first heard them. And because I eventually listened to them, I am here now.

Because I wasn't afraid to fall in love, I got to have the life I've always wanted. Because I wasn't afraid to hold back, because I did everything to get what my heart wanted, I grew up, graduated, got the perfect job, lived a perfect life...but most importantly, I got to share all of that with the boy who I shared all those countless memories with.

But all I want is for my kids to live their lives to the fullest as well. But Alvin and I have our complete confidence for Melody, Savannah, Riley and Kayla. Along with Simon, Jeanette, Theodore and Eleanor's kids as well. Because we know that no matter what they do in the future, they all earned it, and deserve it as much as the 6 of us did when we were still in school.

It's hard to believe everything I've gone through - everything that _we've _gone through. Alvin isn't just that boy who I've known since I was 5 years old. He is more than that - beyond that. He's my other half, he's my heart. And honestly, I don't know what I'd do without him. He wasn't just my boyfriend, or my husband. He is my best friend. He will always be my best friend. No matter how many years we've known each other, we will always be each other's best friend, and nothing will ever change that.

Alvin is the most perfect husband, and dad. No words can express how much he loves our kids. He will go through every inch of trouble, just for our kids. The amount of love and protectiveness Alvin had over his family was just an amazing thing. I just feel incredibly lucky that he's mine.

Everyday seems like a new adventure in our lives. It feels like the next step. Everyday is just a new day to spend with my family, and there is nothing I want more. I love it when our kids come running in our room, and jumping on mine and Alvin's bed to wake us up. I love waking up and rolling over on my side to smile at Alvin.

Just everything about mine and Alvin's life is perfect.

And there is nothing I regret.

Alvin and I have spent preschool, elementray school, high school and college together. We were best friends, worst enemies, and each other's heart. It still hurts to remember all those things that happened during our first year of college - those things that almost broke me and Alvin apart forever. But then again, it brought the two of us together.

No matter what pain it gave us, no matter how impossible the truth used to be, no matter how many mistakes we've made, no matter what words were yelled - the only thing that mattered was the love connection that brought Alvin and I to each other once and for all.

We lived our lives the way it was, and for us, it couldn't be any better. I had a dream, it was everything to me. I use to dream about my future - nothing else but my future. But just like what my mother told me before, love is another thing - another thing that I need. Love is another thing to keep me going in life.

Miss Miller told me that when the time comes, I will need someone there to help me and to be with me. And Alvin has been everything, if not, even more than that. And she also told me that love may be the best thing that will ever happen to me. And she was right. Love has been the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. Not only has it carried me to my dreams, it gave me an even better life than I had ever dreamed of.

Because all I ever needed is someone to love with all my heart.

Alvin and I will always love each other. We will never leave each other's side, and we will be together til the very end. There is nothing we won't do for each other, and for our family.

Forever, til the end of time.

And all along, I have found the answer I have been searching for all my life. The only thing that stood between us was time. Seconds, minutes, hours, days...years, even. It only took time until my heart was connected to the long lost other half - Alvin's.

I grew up, and fell in love with my best friend, my best enemy. We grew up together, went through absolutely everything with each other, got married, and had 4 beautiful kids, who turned us into a family - my family. And I love it. I love every single part about it.

And like I said, mine and Alvin's life was perfect - and it will always be perfect.

Besides the rest of our family of course, the only things Alvin and I need is each other, after all. Words will never be enough to describe the love and affection I feel for him.

It was amazing, just knowing what we've endured. Hardships, tears, love...

But in the end, it was all extremely worth it. I would never trade anything for the life I have.

This wasn't the end. If you think about it, it's only just the beginning. But it wasn't just mine and Alvin's happily ever after.

It was our perfect forever after.

* * *

**Its sad that there's only 1 chapter left! It's gonna be so hard to write the final chapter...**

**But I hope you guys liked this one! I LOVED writing about each of the kids :)**

**Words can't express how grateful and thankful I am for every single one of you guys. Because of you, I wrote this story. Everything I do here is for you all. And I couldn't have asked for better readers. I gained a new love for writing, because all of you have supported me throughout this story. So thank you so much for reading and reviewing! It means so much to me. I love you all!**

**PLEASE review! Thank you!**


	52. Epilogue part III: Angel

**Well, here it is. The final chapter of 'Afraid of falling in love with you.'**

**I posted the very first chapter on January 9 2011. **

**And I posted the very last chapter on ****January 9 2012.**

**I honestly can't believe it's been a whole year since I started this story. And to make this short, thank you. Thank you to all of you guys who have supported me through this entire year. Thank you for taking the time to read and review. Thank you for just being there for me, and loving this story so much. You have no idea how much this means to me. I don't know what I did to make this story be so loved, but I feel like I did something worthwhile for everyone. I mean, this story wouldn't have gotten 1000+ reviews without you guys! This story happened because of you guys, so again, thank you so so much. I truly feel blessed.**

**And thanks to InnocentLG who wrote this review to me: **

**"Once again, IluvtheChipmunks, your beautiful work of art (This story) has left me in tears. I've read through all of the other reviews for this story, and by the looks of it, this story has made almost everyone cry. It takes true natural talent to write so flawlessly like this. I never knew how a simple fanfic can change my views on life. Seriously! This story isn't just a tale, it's also a lesson giver. My god, I love this story so much. Truly the best one I have EVER read."**

**Well, this chapter was the hardest one I've written. I have to admit, I got a bit teary eyed as I wrote it. So make sure you have a box of tissues by your side, just in case. **

**And once again, no words can express how grateful I feel for all the love and support you guys gave me throughout this story. I know I've made people laugh, cry, smile, frown, feel hated, feel sorrow, feel angry and feel loved throughout this story, and I feel accomplished to know that I expressed such feelings. I love you all! PLEASE PLEASE review! I'm looking forward to reading your thoughts on this one.**

**And for the very last time, here is the final chapter of Afraid of falling in love with you...**

* * *

25 years later...

It is now September of 2037.

It was a cold Autumn morning. The sky was pale gray, the trees were swaying softly with the wind, and it was completely silent. Eerie and peaceful, but quiet. I was in the car with my four kids. I sighed as I looked at them. They were all grown up now. Melody is now 25, Savannah is 24, Riley is 23 and Kayla is 22. I couldn't believe my kids are now adults. It seems like yesterday when I first found out that I was pregnant. But time really does fly. I couldn't believe that I am 50 years old.

Riley was driving, while Kayla sat in the passengers seat beside him. Melody, Savannah and I took up the back seat. I looked over at my oldest daughter and sighed. Melody's brown eyes met up with mine, and I could instantly tell what she was thinking. I closed my eyes for 2 seconds before opening them up again, and reaching over to hold her hand. The rest of the drive was dead quiet. I looked out the window to look out towards the gray horizon. I continued to look out without a single word being shared between me and my four kids. But that all stopped when the car came to a halt.

"We're here, mom." I heard Riley say.

I blinked once, seeing the familiar surroundings. I looked over at my kids, who were all staring at me. I smiled weakly before nodding my head. We all got out of the car, but as we did, I could tell that we were all hesitant to do so. Kayla walked over to me, and held me close to her. I sighed deeply as I wrapped my arm around my youngest daughter's waist.

I took a deep breath before asking, "Do you have the flowers?"

Savannah nodded before getting a bouquet of red flowers out of the car. "Yeah, they're here mom."

I smiled at her before looking back towards the gates we were standing in front of. Melody, Savannah, Riley, Kayla and I just stood here for what seemed like forever, just staring at these big white gates.

The gates to the cemetery.

Melody looked at me. "Are you okay, mom?"

I looked at her, then nodded. "Yes. Don't worry about me, sweetheart. Now come on, let's go inside."

The 5 of us slowly walked through the gates, just taking in our surroundings with frail emotions. How could such a simple and peaceful place bring all the pain and hurt back? But like the rest of the morning, we all remained silent. We continued to walk through the pale, grassy field, as the ice cold breeze flew through our hair and faces. But after what seemed like forever, we finally arrived at the grave we came here for.

Once we got to the grave, we all stopped walking. I reluctantly let go of Kayla, as my eyes scanned the white gravestone that was at our feet. My heart began to clench, so I looked away to the side before tears could fall. I suddenly heard sniffling, and looked up to see Melody crying. She turned away, and started to sob on Riley's chest. Riley sighed as he closed his eyes, and as he wrapped an arm around his sister. Just one glimpse of my kids shedding tears made me lose it all.

"Mom." Savannah whispered. I looked into her blue eyes and noticed that she was crying too. But she took a deep breath as she handed me the bouquet of flowers. "Do you wanna do it?"

I nodded weakly as I took the flowers out of my daughter's hands. I looked to the side, and saw Kayla standing a few feet away. Though she was looking to the ground, her cheeks were flushed red while tears painted her face. I allowed a minute to pass by before finally getting the strength to regain myself. My kids managed to watch me through their tears, despite how difficult it was.

I took one more deep breath before getting down on my knees in front of the gravestone that read these words:

_Alvin Seville  
1986 - 2032  
The best brother, father and husband anyone could ever ask for.  
He will always be in our hearts.  
He will never be forgotten.  
_  
_'Don't be afraid to fall in love.'_

I closed my eyes as I laid the flowers on my husband's gravestone. Yes, it's been 5 years since Alvin's untimely death. Alvin Seville, my best friend, my husband, the father of my children, the one I will love until the very end - gone. I felt like my breath had just gotten knocked out of me. I began to sob into my hands. I could hear soft cries coming from my kids behind me.

My heart twisted, feeling the pain and agony of everything come back. But all I could do was cry. It felt like the time, about 25 years ago, when I found out Miss Miller had died. And ever since, I wished that I will never feel that feeling again. But now, being here in the cemetery with my kids, in front of Alvin's grave, returned that feeling back into my heart, but a million times worse.

But I had to be strong. I had to be strong for myself, for Alvin, and for our kids

"Hi, Alvin..." I whispered finally, feeling my heart shatter when I said his name.

I took a long, long pause, feeling a rising pain of agony in my chest.

I shut my eyes. "It's us, Alvin. We're all here. Our kids are here with me. We miss you so much." I said, my voice cracking as I said each word. "We love you so much."

I paused again, trying so hard to keep myself strong. But I just couldn't. I hated myself for giving up, but in that moment, saying his name for the first time in a long time just made me weak. I shook my head as I slowly got up off the ground and turned away. I looked at my kids through thick tears, and motioned one of them to take my place. My oldest daughter nodded weakly as she walked in front of Alvin's grave, and sighed.

Melody looked down at the grave, before closing her eyes. She wiped her tears away with trembling fingers as she got on her knees. She opened her eyes a few seconds later, and gently traced the words on the gravestone in front of her.

"Hi daddy..." Melody whispered.

Behind her, Savannah and Kayla began to sob quietly. Riley closed his eyes as a single tear rolled down his face. I looked away, unable to watch my children cry over their father. It kills me. It just kills me.

"It's Melody. Savannah, Riley and Kayla are here too." She sighed deeply. "We miss you so much, dad."

Despite how hard it was, I turned back to look at my kids. If Alvin could see how much our kids have grown over the past 5 years, he would have been so, so proud.

It was quiet for a couple more minutes before Melody took another deep breath. "As you know, dad, Liam proposed to me 10 months ago." She whispered, referring to her boyfriend of 5 years. "And 3 months ago, I found out that I'm...pregnant. 4 months pregnant now."

I couldn't help but smile at my eldest daughter.

"I'm having a boy." Melody whispered. "And I'm naming him after you, daddy. My little Alvin."

Tears rolled down my cheeks.

"And I promise that I'll tell him all about you, how he was named after his grandpa, who was - and always will be - the best man in the world." Whispered Melody.

I looked back down to the grass that swayed below my feet. Though it's been 5 years, I will NEVER forget it. I will never forget the moment during one cold December night, when Simon and Theodore came over at around 4am, telling me that their brother, my husband, is dead. Alvin was suppose to come home that night, but from what I heard, a fight broke out between two people. And Alvin, along with a few others, tried to break it up, but the man pulled out a gun and pulled the trigger, injuring three people, and killing one. And to know that the one who got killed was mine...It just couldn't be true.

No humane words will ever be enough to express the amount of tears I shed, how much I screamed in agony and disbelief, and how I cried for hours and hours, the moment I heard that Alvin lost his life.

_"NO!" I screamed. "God, Theodore! TELL ME THAT ISN'T TRUE!"_

_Tears upon tears fell down Theodore's face. "I wish I can, Britt!" He exclaimed weakly._

_"God, no, this can't be happening." I screamed weakly into the palms of my hands. I looked up at Simon, who looked equally as pained as Theodore. "Simon, please. Tell me that it isn't true..."_

_"I CAN'T, BRITTANY!" Simon exploded as tears streaked his face. "He's gone."_

_"NO! HE IS NOT GONE!" I screamed. "ALVIN IS-"_

_"DO YOU EXPECT HIM TO WALK THROUGH THOSE FRONT DOORS TONIGHT, BRITTANY?" Simon yelled, pointing at the door as endless tears fell down his face. "OUR BROTHER, YOUR HUSBAND, IS DEAD!"_

_I swung my arm, accidentally knocking the glass vase off the counter, and making it shatter into a million pieces. I couldn't find anything to say. I began to cry in a way I had never experienced before. The feeling was indescribable. It slaughtered and murdered every part of me inside. And seeing how full of disbelief I was in, and seeing how a part of me just died forever, just gave Simon and Theodore a sinking feeling of reality that Alvin is dead. They both broke into tears._

_How am I gonna tell our kids? Melody and Savannah now attend college, while Riley and Kayla are still in high school. But how was I ever going to explain that their dad is gone? At such a young age? It killed me even more to just think about it. How was I ever going to break the news to them? How will I ever get the guts to even tell them? But before anything else, a voice was heard._

_"Mom?" Called Melody._

_I looked towards the entrance of the kitchen. Melody, Savannah, Riley and Kayla stood there, looking sleepy yet frightened at the same time. Even though my two eldest daughters now go to college, they came home for the Winter break. I looked at them, knowing that their Winter break and the rest of their lives will be shattered forever. It just completely broke my heart._

_"Uncle Simon, Uncle Theodore. What's going on?" Asked Riley, while his sisters stood beside him._

_I ran up to my four teenaged kids and held them ever so tightly in my arms. How was I suppose to tell them? I gripped onto them, not wanting to believe it, not wanting to tell them that their father is gone._

_"Mom, I'm scared. What's going on?" Whispered Savannah._

_But I just cried even harder. But I pulled away to stare into each of their faces. Melody, Savannah, Riley and Kayla gave each other the same scared expression before my youngest child spoke up._

_Kayla looked into my eyes and said, "Mom, what's happening?"_

_I looked at her for a while. And as I stared into her gold eyes, it was like staring into Alvin's gold eyes. I shook my head, unable to talk. I motioned them to go over to their uncles while I ran out the kitchen, ran upstairs, and collapsed on the floor beside mine and Alvin's bedroom. I couldn't breathe. I just couldn't find the heart to tell my kids. But as I cried, I could hear Simon and Theodore's voice from downstairs._

_"Melody, Savannah, Riley, Kayla..." I heard Simon's shaking voice start. "Listen to me, okay? Your dad loves you all very much. You four meant everything to him. So please, don't ever think that he left you on purpose because you kids were the most important things to him. But-"_

_"Left? What do you mean? Uncle Simon, what's happening? Where's dad?" Riley asked._

_"Your dad...well, he isn't coming back." Simon answered, his voice breaking._

_"What? Why?" Asked Savannah._

_There was no answer, and then I heard soft cries coming from Simon. Then I heard Theodore clear his throat. "Kids, your dad is...gone."_

_"Gone?" Asked Kayla. "Wh-Where did he go?"_

_"No, Kay." Whispered Theodore. "He's...not coming back."_

_There was silence for a few seconds before I heard my eldest daughter begin to sob, suddenly understanding everything. "No...please, no..." Melody cried._

_Theodore took a deep breath. "Kids, I'm so sorry. But your dad is-"_

_I covered my ears with my hands, blocking out every single noise. I can't, I just CAN'T hear him say the word 'dead'. But seconds later, I heard a hell-like chorus of screams and cries. I closed my eyes and sobbed, knowing that my kids just found out that their dad is gone forever..._

"Mom?" I heard Kayla say. "Are you okay?"

I snapped back into reality. I looked towards my kids, who were all staring at me. I don't know how long I've spaced out for. But now, all four of my kids were sitting in front of Alvin's grave. Each of their cheeks were stained with tears.

I nodded my head before sighing to myself. "Yes. I am, don't worry."

Riley sighed to himself, before looking at his sisters, then back at me. "You're gonna be okay, mom. We promise."

I nodded again. "I know." I whispered.

"Daddy will always be with us." Savannah said gently.

I smiled softly. "Yes, I know he will."

"Daddy loved you so much, mom. We know he did." Melody said.

I blinked and felt a hot tear roll down my face. "He loved you kids too, so much. More than you can ever imagine."

Melody, Savannah, Riley and Kayla all smiled before getting up to walk over to me. They all wrapped their arms around me, while I did the same. No words will ever be enough to say how much I love my kids. My children mean the entire universe to me. Even though they're all adults now, they will always be my babies. Not only because they are mine, but because they belonged to Alvin as well. And though Alvin is gone, our kids will always belong to us.

I pulled back to stare at their faces. It just breaks my heart when I see how much they remind me of Alvin. But in a way, Alvin will always live on within myself, and within our kids. Though he has left this earth, he will never leave completely. Not while our family is as strong as this. And I have a good feeling that our family will always have this strong bond, and I know that nothing can ever break it.

After learning the reason to my life, 25 years ago when we first started college, all I know is that love can be - and will be - the strongest thing between people. The love I feel for my kids, my sisters, my brother-in-laws, my niece, my nephews, Dave, Miss Miller and Alvin will always be enough for me.

I smiled and sighed quietly. "I know you kids always hear this from me, but you all look so much like your dad. Each day, I can see him in you."

Melody smiled. "He would have been so proud of you, mom. He would have been so proud of the both of you for raising us. The four of us couldn't have done anything without you and daddy." She said.

I smiled again as I wiped a tear from her cheek. "Your dad would have been proud of all of you, every single one of you."

They all smiled at me, but said nothing after that. I could tell that my kids were still heartbroken about Alvin's death. 5 years ago or not, it still affected them, much like how it still affects me to this very day. But I can recall, 25 years ago during my very first year at college, and during the first time I phoned Miss Miller, she told me words that have helped my heart in so many ways.

I sighed. "I know you all miss your dad so much. And I know it will be impossible to ignore this feeling. But when I was 18, my mom - your grandmother - told me that 'If you love someone, let them go'."

My kids said nothing for a bit. Savannah looked away and said, "But we just can't let go. We still can't get over the fact that daddy is gone."

I sighed and closed my eyes. I understood everything my kids were feeling. I felt the exact same way when Miss Miller died. And even though it's been 31 years since she died, I still miss her with all my heart. But because of those words, I have learned to slowly accept the fact that she is in a better place.

"I know. I understand." I whispered, looking at them. "But because you love your father, a part of you can't hold on for too long. Sometimes you love something so much that it hurts to leave it, but you must. Sometimes it hurts too much to hold on to that thing you love, and sometimes you let go of what you love because it hurts. But eventually, you'll just have to let a part of him go."

Riley sighed and nodded. "You're right, mom."

Melody nodded slowly as she looked off to the side, as if she was afraid she would break into tears again. "After all, daddy's in a better place."

I smiled. It was as if my kids could read my mind. They were so much like me and Alvin - more than I had ever thought.

I embraced my children one last time before pulling away. I didn't know why I was crying again. Maybe it's because I love them way too much. Or because my kids and I were here in front of Alvin's grave, together as a family again. Or because my children are learning to accept the fact that their father will always be there with them, no matter what. Or maybe it was all of the reasons together. But whatever it was, it just made me smile in a way that made me feel like Alvin really was here, sitting with us.

Kayla sighed as Melody, Savannah and Riley stood beside her. They all stood in front of Alvin's grave for a while before I heard Kayla say, "We love you, daddy. We'll always be here for one another, like we promised. We'll always protect each other."

Then Riley turned around and reached his hand out towards me. I smiled as I reached for my son's hand. He gently pulled me towards them, making me stand in the very middle with him and Kayla on my right, and Melody and Savannah on my left.

Riley sighed softly. "You were the best dad anyone could ever ask for. And as the only son of this family, you've taught me so much about everything. I want to be just like you when I become a dad." Then he paused and took a deep breath. "And Melody, Savannah, Kayla and I promise that we'll take care of mom, the way you took care of all of us."

"We'll always be a family, dad, no matter where you are, no matter where _we _are. We'll always stick together." Whispered Savannah.

"And we will never, ever forget you." Melody finished.

I began to cry gently, extremely touched by the words my children just said.

Kayla turned to me as tears fell down her cheeks. "We love you so much, mom." She whispered.

I began to cry quietly even more. "I love you too." I said, looking at all of them. "Each and every one of you. And don't ever, ever forget that."

There was a slight moment of silence before Savannah sighed, smiled then said, "We're gonna visit Grandma Miller for a while."

I smiled and nodded. "Of course."

Melody, Savannah, Riley and Kayla each gave me a kiss on the cheek before they walked off together to visit Miss Miller's grave. I smiled as I watched my kids walk away. Even though they are in their 20s, they still treated each other with much respect as if they were all still in elementary. Not only are they siblings, but they are best friends with each other too. And it just makes me beam on the inside to know that they are still like that.

I watched as Melody linked arms with Kayla, and how Riley swung his arm over Savannah. They were brother and sisters, but still best friends, like how I still am with Jeanette, Eleanor, Simon and Theodore. But it was incredible how close my kids are as siblings. They loved each other, and protected each other that made me feel so proud of them. Because I know, that one day when I get too old, my kids will always be there for each other.

I continued to watch them until they got to Miss Miller's grave. I have told them endless amount of stories about Miss Miller, how she was an amazing woman, and how she would have adored them as her grandchildren. It hurts to know that Miss Miller died without getting a chance to see mine and Alvin's kids, along with Simon and Jeanette's son, and Theodore and Eleanor's twins. But again, just from the stories we tell them about her, all 7 of the kids already love her.

And Dave? Well, Dave is the luckiest grandfather in the world to have grandkids who love him to bits. And my kids, along with Simon, Jeanette, Theodore and Eleanor's kids are lucky to have a grandpa who loves them with all his heart.

After a while, I finally got back down on my knees in front of Alvin's grave. I smiled as I lightly traced his name on the gravestone. No matter what happens, no matter where he is, my heart will always beat for him. He will always be my life, my heart and my soul. I will always protect our kids for him. And no matter what, I will always, always love him with every nerve in my body.

I sighed. "I love you, Alvin." I whispered, closing my eyes. "And just like we promised each other, I will always be here for you."

And that's a promise I will keep for the rest of my life.

"I miss you. A little too much in fact, a little more each day." I whispered, before looking down to the ground. A few minutes passed before I spoke up again. "There's this place inside of me where you left your heart, where your kisses still linger and your words still echo. It's the place where a part of you will forever be a part of me."

Who would have ever thought that I would ever meet someone who was so hard to say goodbye to? Love is the most powerful force in the universe. Time, distance and even death can never separate two people who are destined to be together. And it's because of love. But when you love someone, they become a part of you. That's why it hurts so much when you lose someone you love because you lose a part of yourself.

Love is nothing but a dream - a dream that I wish I would never wake up from.

I vaguely ran my fingers over the pale green grass. "It's hard to believe that we've known each other for all our lives. I mean, if you were still here, Alvin, the two of us would have known each other for 45 years. But it's hard to believe that we've only been married for 20 years before you died." I whispered before taking a pause. "But you'll always be with me, and I'll always be with you."

I gulped and lightly touched a petal from one of the flowers from the bouquet.

"Melody, Savannah, Riley and Kayla are so grown up now. 5 years really does make a difference. But they miss you so much, Alvin. They miss their dad." I took a deep breath. "And I miss you. I miss my husband."

I noticed that my voice was breaking. I closed my eyes for a few seconds before staring at the gravestone that read his name. I looked at the very bottom where it says 'Don't be afraid to fall in love'. I was the one who requested putting those words there because those words have gotten me to where I am today.

A few more minute passed. I looked up and stared off into the distance. Everything I see, everything I hear or feel reminds me of Alvin. And I knew why. It was because I've spent almost every moment of my life with him. That's why everything makes me think of him. It hurts, but it also makes me feel as if Alvin had never left.

"Everyone misses you. Simon, Theodore, Jeanette and Eleanor miss you." I said. "But they're all doing good. We're always spending time together as an entire family. But...But it's not complete anymore. It will never be complete without you."

I shivered lightly as the cold air flew past my face.

"The kids are doing well too." I said, referring to our niece and nephews. "But they miss you. They miss their Uncle Alvin."

But believe me, as much as I tried to smile, it killed me on the inside.

"Oliver got accepted into Stanford University." I said, referring to Jeanette and Simon's 23 year old son. "It's such a huge achievement for our family. We're all so proud of him."

Simon and Jeanette's son, Oliver, truly followed in his parents footsteps. He was as smart as they were when Simon and Jeanette were younger. He was naturally intelligent. He and Savannah always had a little rivalry as cousins, seeing how they were both the more intelligent ones in the family. Even to this very day, we joke that Savannah may be Simon and Jeanette's child. But Savannah is mine and Alvin's of course. But she and Oliver are truly the brains of this family.

"Ivan and Natalie are helping Theo and Eleanor with the restaurant." I said, now referring to Theodore and Eleanor's 21 year old twins. I sighed and laughed gently to myself. "We still joke that Natalie is a better cook than her parents. And Ivan is still the smartest tech whiz we know."

Much like her parents, Natalie gained a love for cooking and baking. But Ivan was more into computers and all that kind of technical stuff. But whatever my kids, my niece and my nephews did, I was still so extremely proud of them all.

I allowed another minute or 2 before speaking up again. "Dave misses you too, Alvin. But he's doing well. He's still very healthy for an 80 year old man, but he is beginning to wear out a bit." I sighed. "But the senior home is taking very good care of him. Jeanette, Eleanor, Simon, Theodore and I are always dropping by to visit him. The kids go together to visit him too."

I smiled to myself, suddenly realizing how close my entire family is. But despite that, we all know that without Alvin, our family will never be complete again. And even though it's been 5 years since his accidental death, everyone is still affected by it. But with this strong connection as a family, we're always there to keep each other going.

After all these years, I found the answer to my life. All along, I've been searching to find answers. But never would I have expected to know that the answer I've been looking for all these years was right in front of me the whole time. The boy I've known since I was 5, the boy I've spent almost every waking moment with - my best friend.

I've been searching and searching, but all I ever needed was Alvin.

Before Alvin died, we promised that we will never leave each other's side, and we will be together until the very end. But since Alvin is gone, it's my responsibility to continue that promise. And I will be by his side, no matter what. It won't be long until it's my time to leave this earth. It won't be long until I get to see him again...

But as of now, I had to protect our kids, and the rest of our family, much like how Alvin would have wanted.

I grew up, and fell in love with my best friend who was also my best enemy. We grew up together, went through absolutely everything with each other, got married, and had 4 beautiful kids. And I will continue his legacy forever. I will do anything and everything to keep Alvin's spirit alive.

And to me, he's still alive. Even though his body is in a coffin underground, and his soul is watching us from Heaven, he will always live on in my heart. I will love him today, tomorrow, until forever ends.

And like Alvin and I said, many years ago, there will never be an end between us.

In the years of knowing Alvin, we've been through everything you can ever imagine. We grew up hating each other from the moment we laid eyes on each other. We spent elementary and high school as best friends - the closest pair of best friends ever. We spent college together where I first realized that I was in love with him. And though I've tried to deny it, it was true. I was incredibly, and utterly in love with him.

But in those years, we began to grow apart. We almost lost each other because we were scared of telling each other how we felt. Because we were dating other people at the time, I almost lost him forever. But we weren't able to contain ourselves anymore. We told each other the truth, we told each other lies, we broke each others heart, watched as the other got their heart broken, felt guilt pump through us, felt pain, misery, hate, love...

But eventually, when we thought we were going to lose each other for good, we finally told each other how we really felt. We were - and always will be - completely in love with each other. We were just too afraid to say it because we feared that we would lose one another. That's why we didn't tell each other at first. We meant so much to each other, and we loved one another so much, we just couldn't be together.

But we did. We fell in love with each other, and never left each other's side ever since. We got married and started our very own family. And like I said, Alvin and I love our kids more than anything. My life was just absolutely perfect. And there is no one in the world I would have wanted to spend it with, rather than the boy I've known all my life.

It's been 45 years since the very first moment Alvin and I met. It's been 42 years since I heard the words that have changed my life. It's been 32 years since we first started college. It's been 25 years since he proposed to me. And it's been 5 years since his death.

But no matter how much time there was, I will love him unconditionally until the very end of time.

I took one more sigh before looking across the cemetery. I smiled when I saw mine and Alvin's kids surrounding Miss Miller's grave. Then I looked up into the clouds. I sighed deeply as one more tear rolled down my cheeks.

Somewhere up there, I know that Miss Miller and Alvin are watching over all of us.

I took a deep breath. "I was _afraid of falling in love with you_ Alvin, because I knew that once I did, I would be scared to lose you. And I just can't accept the fact that it happened. I can't accept the fact that you're gone." I whispered through thick tears, still watching the clouds.

I looked back at Alvin's grave one last time and closed my eyes to whisper one last thing.

"Promise me that you'll wait for me. We'll see each other again and we'll be together again soon, I promise. I love you so, so much Alvin. With all my life, and with all my heart."

When I was 9 years old, Miss Miller told me words that truly changed me. I used to think those words were nonsense, but I was proven wrong. Those words are everything to me. I have learned so much about myself because of them. I will always keep those words locked in my heart. Those words have gotten me to where I am now. Even to this very day, I am realizing the truth of life - of reality. I realized the truth of everything.

Alvin has been everything to me, and he always will be. He has done more for me and our family than you can ever imagine. He will always be my childhood enemy, my lifelong best friend, my boyfriend, my husband, my heart, my soul, the other half of my life...

And now, he's my angel.

I will never forget the words Miss Miller told me 42 years ago.

_'Don't be afraid to fall in love'_.

Those words have changed my life forever.

_**THE END**_


End file.
